S04.E05: Honeymoons, Part 2

[Nowhere]

2 hours ago, Jellybeans said:

Well, if any of the men or women were doing this I would think they were not classy.  Remember she asked Derick if he ever did beer bongs and he said no?  

Chugging it is never classy whether you are male or female.  

People who can only "let loose" when they have had a few are not ready for relationships IMO. 

Has it occurred to anyone they maybe with all the cigarettes or "pot smoking" (I don't think he was smoking pot but I'll go with it for a second) and terrible tattoos of beer and pizza, that she said to herself, "Maybe I'll start trying to get along better by relaxing with him and talking about some things he likes. Maybe if I tell him to chug and talk about Kanye, and karaoke (since he's a rapper and all that), this asshole will think I'm having a good time and we can start out on the right foot tomorrow." I mean, the guy has a tattoo of a beer on his arm. I'm not going to question her feminity because she assumed he could drink. The "chug it" thing seemed like joking around and I don't fault anyone for having some semblance of a sense of humor even if it's unlike my own. How was she to know he was going to sip his beer like a girl and then stare at her with disapproval? 

Incidentally, I didn't say that she was letting loose because of the drinking but maybe letting loose with him in general. However, I do know several people who are more introverted like Nick, who don't mind having a drink or two in social situations in order to calm the nerves. Alcohol does have that calming effect. I don't think anybody is a bad person for drinking or trying to have fun while doing so.

Neither one of these two are good for the other. But I'm not going to act like everything she does is terrible and he's just a perfect little angel whose comments about aging women and name calling are excusable because his little feelings were hurt. He needs to man up and stop acting like a child. So if she needs to be more soft and feminine maybe he should bring it out in her by acting like a man. Then she won't have to pick up the slack. 

[Koda1969]

8 minutes ago, Nowhere said:

Has it occurred to anyone they maybe with all the cigarettes or "pot smoking" (I don't think he was smoking pot but I'll go with it for a second) and terrible tattoos of beer and pizza, that she said to herself, "Maybe I'll start trying to get along better by relaxing with him and talking about some things he likes. Maybe if I tell him to chug and talk about Kanye, and karaoke (since he's a rapper and all that), this asshole will think I'm having a good time and we can start out on the right foot tomorrow." I mean, the guy has a tattoo of a beer on his arm. I'm not going to question her feminity because she assumed he could drink. The "chug it" thing seemed like joking around and I don't fault anyone for having some semblance of a sense of humor even if it's unlike my own. How was she to know he was going to sip his beer like a girl and then stare at her with disapproval? 

Incidentally, I didn't say that she was letting loose because of the drinking but maybe letting loose with him in general. However, I do know several people who are more introverted like Nick, who don't mind having a drink or two in social situations in order to calm the nerves. Alcohol does have that calming effect. I don't think anybody is a bad person for drinking or trying to have fun while doing so.

Neither one of these two are good for the other. But I'm not going to act like everything she does is terrible and he's just a perfect little angel whose comments about aging women and name calling are excusable because his little feelings were hurt. He needs to man up and stop acting like a child. So if she needs to be more soft and feminine maybe he should bring it out in her by acting like a man. Then she won't have to pick up the slack. 

I agree that first and foremost, they aren't a good match. I don't think Derek is perfect. But, if you were to take a sheet of paper and put her name on one side, his another, and then watch the episodes of them together and put check marks under the person who expanded on a comment, made a comment, said something...you'd get a lot more in his column. He said he liked being called Mr. & Mrs. she just nodded and acknowledged. He said he'd never been to Puerto Rico, had she...she said "yes I have".

Again, not to say that she doesn't have every right to be the way she is. But for instance, you suggest above that maybe she figured what the hell, let's let loose. She sat there on the couch "do you want to go to the pool?" questions like that. Why didn't she just look at him and say "look, we've been bickering non-stop and this isn't doing either of us any good. Why don't we just stop for a minute, wipe the slate clean...let's go downstairs, grab some drinks, have some fun and stop arguing and see if we can move on?" Was Derek supposed to read her mind that she was "trying"?

I don't think everything she does is terrible. What I am questioning is that she isn't trying (if the dinner/drinking was an attempt, I think it was already too late at that point). If you need or want something, speak up. She was not approaching any discussion in a manner that allowed for discussion. She was expressing her dislike of something or disappointment and then not allowing for open dialogue about it. Let's not forget that she also suggested that those that smoke are without class. Whether cigarettes or weed, she has shown she can be just as nasty and reactionary as Derek.

[Nowhere]

I guess I'm seeing both of them trying in different ways because they speak two different languages. Heather asked Derek if he wanted to go do whatever activity they had planned for the day and he said no. She then asked him if he wanted to go to the beach or pool and he said no, he wanted to sit in warm water. I see that as trying to still be ok even if they didn't get along the day before. I guess it all depends on what you see as trying and what comments are good enough and deserving of a check in her column. I don't see either one of them being any better than the other in that regard. Although I have felt bad for him on occasion, I have also felt bad for her, like when she was crying on the balcony. She called him classless and he called her an alcoholic. I don't see him as doing anything better than she is. 

[Evil Queen]

7 minutes ago, Koda1969 said:

I agree that first and foremost, they aren't a good match. I don't think Derek is perfect. But, if you were to take a sheet of paper and put her name on one side, his another, and then watch the episodes of them together and put check marks under the person who expanded on a comment, made a comment, said something...you'd get a lot more in his column. He said he liked being called Mr. & Mrs. she just nodded and acknowledged. He said he'd never been to Puerto Rico, had she...she said "yes I have".

 

Yet with the magic of REALLY bad editing we have no clue if more was said or not. They may have wanted it to come off as if the talking was limited. Just as it was put in the whole thing about him not being able to touch her hand but yet we never heard her say he couldn't or if she did WHY he couldn't. So there was this HUGE gap in what was put in the show. It seems to be a major thing this season IMO. To much keeps coming off leaving one to ask questions on what led to this or why is *insert name* saying this now and so on. So hat PR talk could have gone on longer but they made it look like it did on tv. I know they are limited on what can be shown but I have said it for awhile now that editing on this show is so low budget bad. 

[SillyOldClothCat]

52 minutes ago, Kareem said:

Drinking is not a vice because it's HER vice.

BINGO, @Kareem!

[Koda1969]

26 minutes ago, Nowhere said:

I guess I'm seeing both of them trying in different ways because they speak two different languages. Heather asked Derek if he wanted to go do whatever activity they had planned for the day and he said no. She then asked him if he wanted to go to the beach or pool and he said no, he wanted to sit in warm water. I see that as trying to still be ok even if they didn't get along the day before. I guess it all depends on what you see as trying and what comments are good enough and deserving of a check in her column. I don't see either one of them being any better than the other in that regard. Although I have felt bad for him on occasion, I have also felt bad for her, like when she was crying on the balcony. She called him classless and he called her an alcoholic. I don't see him as doing anything better than she is. 

I agree completely. Honestly, I am not for or against either of them. If anything, both make me cringe because neither knows how to communicate well. When I say trying, or making my point about the checks in the column, truth is, it isn't a game to be worn or lost (and I apologize if my post suggested that). So, in the long run I feel sorry for both of them because neither is willing to bend and/or change just a little to maybe see what might become of it. If both of them possibly let down there defenses and were more natural, maybe they'd get along better?

The only reason I might appear to be ragging on her more, is that her body language to me is off-putting. She always seems to be on guard, arms folded, looking around, surveying things and people. In a way, it goes to what the pastor said about letting her walls down. If she is scared, nervous, angry...no problem. But just speak up about it. At the worst he'll look at you and say "get lost" (and in which case, good riddance) or best case scenario, they learn to grow closer. It just seems that she is wary, nervous and doesn't really like him. So, she isn't making a ton of effort (of course, based on editing).

[Nowhere]

2 minutes ago, Koda1969 said:

I agree completely. Honestly, I am not for or against either of them. If anything, both make me cringe because neither knows how to communicate well. When I say trying, or making my point about the checks in the column, truth is, it isn't a game to be worn or lost (and I apologize if my post suggested that). So, in the long run I feel sorry for both of them because neither is willing to bend and/or change just a little to maybe see what might become of it. If both of them possibly let down there defenses and were more natural, maybe they'd get along better?

The only reason I might appear to be ragging on her more, is that her body language to me is off-putting. She always seems to be on guard, arms folded, looking around, surveying things and people. In a way, it goes to what the pastor said about letting her walls down. If she is scared, nervous, angry...no problem. But just speak up about it. At the worst he'll look at you and say "get lost" (and in which case, good riddance) or best case scenario, they learn to grow closer. It just seems that she is wary, nervous and doesn't really like him. So, she isn't making a ton of effort (of course, based on editing).

She is more closed off but so is Nick. The difference is that Nick seems compatible with Sonia and Heather definitely isn't compatible with Derek, so then she comes off as bitchy.

What I'm trying to do is look at each person without any bias. Sometimes it's easier to side with someone you think is better looking or has a personality more like your own, for example. I'm trying to throw any and all prejudice out the window and think about them in relation to each other. If Heather was with another man, she may come off as cuter and more feminine. Derek, with another woman who maybe didn't care about his smoking, wouldn't come off as defensive and jealous.

When I saw Nick give Sonia that present and then immediately walk away, my first reaction was, "Can't be hang out a second Instead of walking off like he did it out of obligation?" Then I realized that that was HIS way of giving a gift, not mine. Sonia didn't mind that he ran into his cave as soon as he gave her the bag because they work well together.

I'm no expert and even I can see that Heather and Derek are not a good match. I'm not even convinced that Tom and Lily are either. Just because they have sexual chemistry doesn't mean that a high end real estate agent and a surfer who lives in a bus will get along long term. 

[BunnySlippers]

1 hour ago, Evil Queen said:

I'm just curious why people assume that? Why those 2 guys? Heck I must be a rare person because I find both unattractive and wouldn't want my man to look like either of those 2. So IMO its a stretch to assume it has to do with looks. More so when she said during the wedding day that she thought he was good looking. Its more to do with other things from what I am seeing and not his looks....even though I don't see Derek as good looking at all myself. Heck none of the guys are though IMO. Yet with Derek I think it comes down to more of his more than likely smoking pot and how his personality is coming off at times. Which it just feels like this show has edited out a lot of things on this couple so we are not seeing the big picture for their issues at all. 

I agree. I don't find those men attractive either, so I'll join you in your little corner. :D And I don't think either that it's Derek's looks that Heather doesn't like (unless his tattoos turned her off). I think it's his personality and his smoking and maybe some other issues that we don't get shown on TV.

 

1 hour ago, Nowhere said:

Has it occurred to anyone they maybe with all the cigarettes or "pot smoking" (I don't think he was smoking pot but I'll go with it for a second) and terrible tattoos of beer and pizza, that she said to herself, "Maybe I'll start trying to get along better by relaxing with him and talking about some things he likes. Maybe if I tell him to chug and talk about Kanye, and karaoke (since he's a rapper and all that), this asshole will think I'm having a good time and we can start out on the right foot tomorrow." I mean, the guy has a tattoo of a beer on his arm. I'm not going to question her feminity because she assumed he could drink. The "chug it" thing seemed like joking around and I don't fault anyone for having some semblance of a sense of humor even if it's unlike my own. How was she to know he was going to sip his beer like a girl and then stare at her with disapproval? 

Incidentally, I didn't say that she was letting loose because of the drinking but maybe letting loose with him in general. However, I do know several people who are more introverted like Nick, who don't mind having a drink or two in social situations in order to calm the nerves. Alcohol does have that calming effect. I don't think anybody is a bad person for drinking or trying to have fun while doing so.

Neither one of these two are good for the other. But I'm not going to act like everything she does is terrible and he's just a perfect little angel whose comments about aging women and name calling are excusable because his little feelings were hurt. He needs to man up and stop acting like a child. So if she needs to be more soft and feminine maybe he should bring it out in her by acting like a man. Then she won't have to pick up the slack. 

LOL about the beer sipping. Also, I totally agree with you. This is not a good match. I don't think that Heather is perfect, but neither is Derek, and his comment about aging women was quite revealing. It's just painful to watch these two, so if they throw in the towel and end their marriage early, it will be no loss for me.

[Neurochick]

2 hours ago, Snarklepuss said:

They are only supposed to be a tool, not the ONLY method for choosing a mate.  I wouldn't want something as important as a husband left up to a questionnaire to choose for me.  This is just the so-called "experts" way of absolving themselves of what should be THEIR responsibility by putting it on the candidates.  Ridiculous and completely unfair if you ask me.

But if you don't know who you are and what you want, how can any expert help you? 

Then, let's not forget about the pool of people they're choosing from.  They're looking for people who can commit to the whole show.  (There were a few people who bowed out because of jobs and/or family), they're looking for people who don't mind being on TV and who look good enough to be filmed for TV.  So IMO, the real pool of applicants is pretty narrow.

[watch2much]

I actually think Heather thought Derek was cute and was optimistic.  But didn't he smoke (and I DO think it's dope) the night of the wedding?  and the very next morning?  I think that turned her off.  she may have said she was ok with occasional use but I would be taken aback by his use right away.  Say what you will about the evils of drinking vs dope, but the fact remains that one is legal and one isn't and people are used to having cocktails at weddings, not smoking a joint....at least not when you are in your 30s.  I think it was a lot to hit her right away and then they get to Puerto Rico and he obviously traveled with an illegal substance which might have made her uncomfortable. Maybe she realized at this point it was a deal breaker and instead of trying to talk it out, she retreated.   So at that point, she was hyper sensitive to his faults and so an innocent comment about the casino was magnified.  Meanwhile, he's all "I love being called Mr. and Mrs." and wants physical touch when she's not sure if she can even respect him.  I think the surf and cave day, she started out with a fresh slate and was remarking about his good points.  she seemed to be having a good time.  But instead of working with that,  he keys in on some really minor instances because his ego is fragile.  Then at the caves they both were having a good time and maybe it was a miscommunication but she started leaving.  She was being considerate of other people there, which I think is admirable.  But no, you neglected your husband. Then he dumps all the stuff about the surf instructor and flicking a bug off his chest as though that can be compared with romantic touching and then leaving before him.  I can understand her just having enough.  I've been in her position and it feels like someone slapped you because you think you are having a good time then someone starts getting on you for something you thought nothing of.  I don't see anything they have in common. He wants another mother who caters to him and tells him how great he is. She's well traveled, he didn't even have a  passport.  And frankly, the minute I saw those tattoos, my attraction would've died immediately.  They are stupid and gross and look kind of new.  I wouldn't want to be seen with him.  and at that point, I would have been knocking back the wine to get thru the night, too.

Edited August 25, 2016 by watch2much

[Koda1969]

9 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

But if you don't know who you are and what you want, how can any expert help you? 

Then, let's not forget about the pool of people they're choosing from.  They're looking for people who can commit to the whole show.  (There were a few people who bowed out because of jobs and/or family), they're looking for people who don't mind being on TV and who look good enough to be filmed for TV.  So IMO, the real pool of applicants is pretty narrow.

So true! That is sort of what I saying in my own posts. You can't get mad at the experts if you aren't sure what you want. Or you think you know, then when you get it, you realize you don't like it.

But I think the applicant pool is what really hinders this show. Based on schedule and looks alone, those available and willing is pretty small, in my opinion.

[Nowhere]

9 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

But if you don't know who you are and what you want, how can any expert help you? 

Then, let's not forget about the pool of people they're choosing from.  They're looking for people who can commit to the whole show.  (There were a few people who bowed out because of jobs and/or family), they're looking for people who don't mind being on TV and who look good enough to be filmed for TV.  So IMO, the real pool of applicants is pretty narrow.

I can think of a few who don't look good enough to be on tv or anywhere else but were chosen for this show anyway. I agree with everything you said except for that. They could at least choose average looks but instead chose people who aren't currently married or in a relationship because nobody thinks they're cute. So, yeah, the pool must be really narrow and they're scraping the bottom.

[Snarklepuss]

13 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

But if you don't know who you are and what you want, how can any expert help you? 

True, but that's the drawback to what they call "self reporting inventories".  If you don't really know yourself the quality of the responses is not going to be so accurate about you.  Which is why they shouldn't be used in the absence of someone with common sense and a professional ability to see through the crap to figure out where the person is REALLY coming from (even if the person themselves doesn't know it).  That's kind of what a professional psychologist DOES even if they don't tell the client and wait for them to discover it themselves.  The problem with these "experts"is they don't take enough time to learn enough about the candidates before matching them.  Granted, it would take a while to figure them out well enough by observation, but that's the drawback here.  Those inventories were never made to be the major decision making tool all by themselves.

[Neurochick]

2 minutes ago, Snarklepuss said:

Which is why they shouldn't be used in the absence of someone with common sense and a professional ability to see through the crap to figure out where the person is REALLY coming from (even if the person themselves doesn't know it).  That's kind of what a professional psychologist DOES even if they don't tell the client and wait for them to discover it themselves. 

True, but that takes TIME, in some cases months and years.  This show isn't going to spend months and years interviewing hundreds of applicants.  They would need a lot more than three experts.  This is a SHOW, not a thesis, a show for entertainment purposes, not a real "social experiment."

Edited August 25, 2016 by Neurochick

[CottlestonPie]

I know what Derek said was really inappropriate, but I'm not gonna lie - I laughed.  I think it's because I dislike Heather so much that I'm willing to give Derek more slack than I normally would.

I think Nick and Sonia are adorable.  I think he is as into her as she is into him - he's just shy and not rushing anything.  The fact that he went and bought that cute little present bag for her speaks volumes.

Tom and Lilly - well, I think I'll appreciate their segments more when they're not constantly locked at the lips. 

Also, I gotta say - my husband is bald and wears a baseball cap on backwards a lot when we're on vacation (and only when we're on vacation, incidentally).  He wants to protect his head but he doesn't always like the bill in the front.  He's the most polite, non-douchey person you'll ever meet so I'm not quite sure why so many seem to think that because Derek wears his cap backwards, it means he's an immature man-child.  Maybe Derek IS an immature man-child, but wearing his hat backwards is not indicative of that. 

[Nowhere]

Of course as soon as I come up with the most brilliant and persuasive opinion piece I have ever written, they decide to upgrade the server and all of my genius is lost in cyberspace. I promise that I would have gotten at least forty likes. It's like in A Christmas Story when he imagined he would get an A+++++ and all the kids would cheer for him. That's what I imagined would happen to me because of that post. Now I have to go cry in my bed out of frustration. Don't try to get me to come back because I won't. I'm totally done for the rest of my life. ?

Ok I'm back.

[ctbabe]

52 minutes ago, CottlestonPie said:

I know what Derek said was really inappropriate, but I'm not gonna lie - I laughed.  I think it's because I dislike Heather so much that I'm willing to give Derek more slack than I normally would.

I also laughed real hard. My interpreting of the incident is that she isn't all that. 

[holly4755]

I don't like Heather or Derek. on a show like this I would be wary of everyone even myself. But here is the difference between Heather and most everyone else on this show, they at least tried to enjoy their "honeymoon/vacation". You be honest with the person, you tell them it is not going to happen, but you are willing to have a good time and go off and enjoy the activities without flirting with anyone, without leaving people behind, and you let them hold your hand unless they are trying to drown you. You don't have to hug, kiss, make out with the person, but geeze louise,  holding hands? For the cameras? what is the big deal? Treat the stranger like a stranger you are nice to, 

When I look at them I kind of identify the last years of my 25 year marriage when I realized that my ex was nicer to everyone else, even total strangers, than he was to me. I see the same disdain and nastiness. once again I am identifying with the story so I guess they succeeded in drawing me in, but it is so painful I hate watching it. and this from a person who does not like Derek from the first second. . 

On 8/24/2016 at 9:52 AM, Vinyasa said:

Oh, I about fainted when she said that.  I was too busy counting the number of times she said "me and Tom" so I find it hard to believe she was in medical school.   I need proof that she even is a college graduate!

I'm sending her and the producers a grammar book. Gosh, they just throw this show together.

I can't pick on someone where English is a second language where so many born here speak worse - pretentious, yeah, but she is trying to make a good impression, I don't expect the truth out of everyone just yet, no lies, just exaggerations. They are on camera and they want to look good. 

17 hours ago, Paddywagon said:

Here's what my boss used to say:

If a man speaks in the woods and his wife isn't there to hear, is he still wrong?

yes, he is.

[Zanne505]

http://i.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/tv-radio/83565703/married-at-first-sight-us-tanks

As long as they don't cancel! 

1. Its weed (I know. A dead horse.  Had to put my 2cents in)

2. They are both idiots but i have a little more sympathy for Derek: he is sharing his mind and he is trying.

3. Something very off about Tom. I guess i will find out soon enough! 

4. I STILL hope they all make it! :-)

5. I gotta say people here are so articulate, posts so well written, is it the mods? Love how the show comes on once a week but i am here everyday checking threads! 

Edited August 25, 2016 by Zanne505

[Nowhere]

7 minutes ago, Zanne505 said:

http://i.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/tv-radio/83565703/married-at-first-sight-us-tanks

As long as they don't cancel! 

1. Its weed.

2. They are both idiots but i have a little more sympathy for Derek: he is sharing his mind and he is trying.

3. Something very off about Tom. I guess i will find out soon enough! 

4. I STILL hope they all make it! :-)

5. I gotta say people here are so articulate, posts so well written, is it the mods? Love how the show comes on once a week but i am here everyday checking threads! 

I think there's something off about Tom, as well. He and Lily both strike me as a little pretentiousness. But, I don't know, there's just something about him that gives me a creepy vibe.

[Evil Queen]

1 hour ago, CottlestonPie said:

Also, I gotta say - my husband is bald and wears a baseball cap on backwards a lot when we're on vacation (and only when we're on vacation, incidentally).  He wants to protect his head but he doesn't always like the bill in the front.  He's the most polite, non-douchey person you'll ever meet so I'm not quite sure why so many seem to think that because Derek wears his cap backwards, it means he's an immature man-child.  Maybe Derek IS an immature man-child, but wearing his hat backwards is not indicative of that. 

What bugged me with it was just him wearing it inside. When on the patio or in the cave it didn't bug me. As she had her's turned backwards too in the cave. I figured it was to see without it in the way during certain things. I just don't want to see anyone with a hat on indoors. Sunglasses indoors is wrong BUT at the same time if I have bright lights in my face when being filmed I might want them on then. Certain lighting when it his my eyes just so and its extra bright will give me a bad migraine. I would have worn sunglasses on the patio eating as well since it was outside. I even wear them outside if its cloudy but giving off a little more light than I can stand. LOL BTW, I have a baldy husband too who will wear a cap when out in the sun (cowboy hat when working since it shades more) but he never wears it backwards. While I don't think wearing it backwards makes a guy immature, some just look goofy with it that way (my husband would be one of those lol) and some can pull it off, looking fine. Derek is an immature man-child though for many more reasons but the cap for him makes it come off more so. As it does for some other guys out there, kwim? 

24 minutes ago, Nowhere said:

I think there's something off about Tom, as well. He and Lily both strike me as a little pretentiousness. But, I don't know, there's just something about him that gives me a creepy vibe.

Sure there is. He thinks VERY highly of himself. He is the guy that thinks his shit don't stink and everyone else that doesn't live like him and think like him is below his standards. Watch the last Confessions. I think he gave off some douche like vibes in what he was saying. I will bet there is more to him besides just that as well that isn't all nice and pleasant. 

[Nowhere]

9 minutes ago, Evil Queen said:

Sure there is. He thinks VERY highly of himself. He is the guy that thinks his shit don't stink and everyone else that doesn't live like him and think like him is below his standards. Watch the last Confessions. I think he gave off some douche like vibes in what he was saying. I will bet there is more to him besides just that as well that isn't all nice and pleasant. 

Tom is covering something up by sweeping her off her feet so to speak and constantly licking her and putting his hands all over her. All of their conversations start with him asking a question so that she'll ask him the same question and he can give a smug answer about how wonderful he is. Of course now I'm remembering when Lily asked who he'd want to have dinner with just so he would ask her and she could say Gandhi without putting any thought into it. I was like, bitch you probably don't even know one thing Gandhi did in life. You just want to sound educated. And don't forget she wishes she would have finished "medical school". Yep. You go girl.

Oh my god he irritated me so bad when he was getting on the horse and he said something like, "I'm getting on my horse now, Mama." Mama? I've heard Latino or Hispanic people use the term almost like saying honey, but never a white dude. He needs to stop trying to impress and get real with his wife. She needs to do the same for him.

[Kiss my mutt]

Derrick just doesn't have presence to me. He just seems like the tag along goofball friend and not just doesn't have any game. Heather has more striking presence and she's not petite like Derrick is. He's scrawny, pasty, unkempt with a voice and hairdo like peewee Herman. Just my personal opinion of course. He would definitely be friend zoned pretty quickly. 

I wonder why he didn't stay in the navy? If you score high enough to get into the defense language institute they tend to work hard to retain you after making that investment with reenlisting bonuses etc and my army veteran husband who was offered a placement there said if they didn't work to retain Derrick by sweetening the deal that it usually meant a conduct issue or nonprofficieny in the job. But he could have just gotten tired of the life and said f it though. He pretty much pegged this guy as navy after watching a few episodes with me. 

Heather definitely has a resting bitch face to me and is likely somewhat of a bitch anyway but I can't fault her for not being into this dude. 

[Palomar]

Derek needs to quit complaining about Heather....it just looks petty at this point.  He's not going to change anything by trying to fight back and it is obvious she is checked out and obvious even to the experts has put up a permanent wall. 

Heather needs to at least stop being RUDE.  Yes, it was rude to rush out of whatever hole they were in without a mention she was leaving as they were supposed to be doing the activity together....common courtesy .  If she was with a friend, she would have said let's go up or I'm going up. Why be so rude to him.  Maybe he wouldn't have to complain about her if she would give him at least the common courtesy she would give a friend or a surfing instructor.  Both of them are not the type to ever let anything go.  I'm sure she would leave now but wants her $$$ for the 6 weeks and whatever fame she thinks she is going to get. 

At least the other 2 couples have potential and are nice to each other.

[Kareem]

1 hour ago, CottlestonPie said:

47 minutes ago, Nowhere said:

Tom is covering something up by sweeping her off her feet so to speak and constantly licking her and putting his hands all over her. All of their conversations start with him asking a question so that she'll ask him the same question and he can give a smug answer about how wonderful he is. Of course now I'm remembering when Lily asked who he'd want to have dinner with just so he would ask her and she could say Gandhi without putting any thought into it. I was like, bitch you probably don't even know one thing Gandhi did in life. You just want to sound educated. And don't forget she wishes she would have finished "medical school". Yep. You go girl.

Oh my god he irritated me so bad when he was getting on the horse and he said something like, "I'm getting on my horse now, Mama." Mama? I've heard Latino or Hispanic people use the term almost like saying honey, but never a white dude. He needs to stop trying to impress and get real with his wife. She needs to do the same for him.

 

Oh, I didn't want to mention the creepy vibe because many are rooting for them but you nailed it!  He makes my skin crawl.  And not in a Derek thought he might get some kind of way.  He's more like a "want some candy, little girl" creepy.  Too funny about calling her mama.  

[Paddywagon]

Here's how I think it went down:

Producers:  So, Heather, tell us about the kind of guy you'd like to be matched with.

Heather:  well, I'd like a guy who likes rap, cuz I love rap.  But no bad-boy rap types. I've had enough of those.  He's gotta be laid back and easy going cuz I've grown out of my party girl phase and I'm ready to settle down.  And bike riding...he's gotta like bike riding.  Oh, and  bonus points if he's got tatts.

Producers:  So, Derek, describe your perfect match.

Derek:  Female.  She's gotta have a vagina.  (Derek then spaces out.)

Producers:  anything else?

Derek:  ....hmmm....no....that's about it.

Producers to both of them:  guess what?  We've found you a match!

Heather:  wtf?  What a boring loser!  This isn't what I asked for!

Producers:  uh, he's exactly what you asked for.

Derek:  *whine* I can't get to the vagina!  How come you matched me with her?

Producers:  *sigh*

Edited August 25, 2016 by Paddywagon

[Kareem]

4 hours ago, CottlestonPie said:

I know what Derek said was really inappropriate, but I'm not gonna lie - I laughed.  I think it's because I dislike Heather so much that I'm willing to give Derek more slack than I normally would.

...

I laughed, too. Maybe because he seemed to be laughing when he said it. Boy was hurt. He prolly wonders why someone who reached that age still hasn't mastered being civil let alone being capable of feigning interest in something other than her miserable self for a few moments. I can picture her swatting bugs off Benito, and then copping a 'tude because the D-Man mentioned it. Good thing she's always right! What a mess. Said it before, she's killing his happy.

[crazychicken]

Thank you I was beginning to think I was way to cynical of Tom  he has given me creepy vibes from the start and the more I see the more I see a controlling manipulative jerk. The way he phrases his statements/questions are totally set up to put Lilly down if she does not agree. I see gaslighting, he is setting Lilly up to think that she is not worthy of him so he can control her.

[Nowhere]

I'm sure Tom thinks he can convert her to minimalism with his dick. 

[Waterlilly]

Maybe that's a good start...

[crazychicken]

3 hours ago, Zanne505 said:

http://i.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/tv-radio/83565703/married-at-first-sight-us-tanks

As long as they don't cancel! 

1. Its weed (I know. A dead horse.  Had to put my 2cents in)

2. They are both idiots but i have a little more sympathy for Derek: he is sharing his mind and he is trying.

3. Something very off about Tom. I guess i will find out soon enough! 

4. I STILL hope they all make it! :-)

5. I gotta say people here are so articulate, posts so well written, is it the mods? Love how the show comes on once a week but i am here everyday checking threads! 

That article mentions TV3 which is a New Zealand network so I think it is safe.

[Nowhere]

He may have to lay it down better than he thinks he can to get her to live in a parking lot long term. All the pictures they show have cars surrounding that piece of shit.

[crazychicken]

If the projects he has started on the bus were finished to a decent standard he would have a better chance of converting her, but there are missing drawer faces in both the kitchen and bedroom. The front is a gutted shell with futon, since luxury interiors are his job then I would not have much faith in his skills.

[ralph]

On 8/23/2016 at 9:17 PM, Enero said:

I agree with others. Nick is not sexually attracted to Sonia. He keeps saying he wants to build a friendship first, which is great. However, if he was even remotely attracted to her he wouldn't be so standoffish when they're doing "romantic" activities.

All I could do is laugh and shake my head at Heather/Derek's situation. I'm sure it's not meant to be funny, but it's hilarious to me.

I think Nick is just extremely shy and nervous. I am, and I'm seeing a lot of my own mannerisms and habits in him.  He's shy, he'd be even MORE standoffish doing romantic activities than any other time.

I need a complete recap on the Heath/Derek situation. Someone needs to give ,e at least ONE good reason they were matched together. Watching this disaster of a honeymoon, I can't remember anything. I think it's only gonna get worse when they get back to everyday life

[Evil Queen]

40 minutes ago, ralph said:

I think Nick is just extremely shy and nervous. I am, and I'm seeing a lot of my own mannerisms and habits in him.  He's shy, he'd be even MORE standoffish doing romantic activities than any other time.

I need a complete recap on the Heath/Derek situation. Someone needs to give ,e at least ONE good reason they were matched together. Watching this disaster of a honeymoon, I can't remember anything. I think it's only gonna get worse when they get back to everyday life

Nick IMO is far from shy...which I wish for those that don't want to go to a spoiler thread that there was a thread for posting some of the SM stuff there that doesn't spoil the show but just shows a little of who these people are because that dude is not shy. Sorry if this shouldn't be here. 

And agree, what 1 good reason were those 2 matched? I don't even remember the "experts" saying why they were matched...anyone remember why? I know they had a different guy but as was said before by someone else, that guy wanted more exotic looking type so they decided not to match them. So why Derek is the question?

[Kareem]

Maybe they chose Derek because he has combat experience.  

[ralph]

11 minutes ago, Evil Queen said:

Nick IMO is far from shy...which I wish for those that don't want to go to a spoiler thread that there was a thread for posting some of the SM stuff there that doesn't spoil the show but just shows a little of who these people are because that dude is not shy. Sorry if this shouldn't be here. 

And agree, what 1 good reason were those 2 matched? I don't even remember the "experts" saying why they were matched...anyone remember why? I know they had a different guy but as was said before by someone else, that guy wanted more exotic looking type so they decided not to match them. So why Derek is the question?

I went to look up what you were referring to...but, I still don't think it writes of the possibility of him usually being a shy, introverted person at most times in public settings or with emotions regarding others. 

[red.]

8 minutes ago, Evil Queen said:

Nick IMO is far from shy...which I wish for those that don't want to go to a spoiler thread that there was a thread for posting some of the SM stuff there that doesn't spoil the show but just shows a little of who these people are because that dude is not shy. Sorry if this shouldn't be here. 

And agree, what 1 good reason were those 2 matched? I don't even remember the "experts" saying why they were matched...anyone remember why? I know they had a different guy but as was said before by someone else, that guy wanted more exotic looking type so they decided not to match them. So why Derek is the question?

Plain and simple, I think production just feeds the characters to the experts and they work from there. I don't think there's any real matchmaking with the participants in mind (except for Courtney and Jason - somehow they were paired with a fairly normal and neutral partner).

Pairing just is based on blow ups and ratings IMO. I mean come on, remember when Dr Pepper talked about how Ryan and Jess would "be sexy" together? Traditional "make me dinner & submit to me" Vaughn being paired with independent Monet?

lets unpack the matches-

Tom & Lilly - lives on a bus and hates material things paired with materialistic Miami diva .. Sure no problem there. They both love the camera and talking about themselves so we'll get a good show right away.

Sonia & Nick - Sweet dog fearing girl who needs affirmation and affection paired with wild card guy who loves his dogs way too much. 

heather and Derek - driven and uptight career oriented woman who drinks to unwind paired with five leaf clover backwards hat dude who raps on the side and gets tattoos because they "look cool". Give them access to booze and weed and watch the show!

I dont know if the Entire matching process is bs, but IMO at the end of the day they are looking for participants who are okay to look at, and will have their buttons pushed by their spouse for most of the season.

[Enero]

^ This. And the participants are looking to promote their businesses or extend their 5 minutes of fame to something more. 

[Evil Queen]

red., I think you have broken it down pretty well there. LMAO They will never truly match people that would work together at this point since its more about creating drama in some way. I am waiting for the "experts" to start up on how they matched Sonia to Nick to get over her fear of dogs and Tom with Lily so she would stop being so materialistic. 

Enero, BINGO those that have them (looking at you Nick more than anyone) are so over the top pushing it. 

[Nowhere]

If they wanted participants that were ok to look at then why did they choose Neil? Sam wasn't much better.

[lazylou]

On August 24, 2016 at 4:06 PM, StayingAfterSunday said:

It really drives me crazy to hear that last one (a preposition followed by first person pronoun or whatever it is!).  You're right, also, about people thinking that it makes them sound more educated/erudite to say "between him and I," instead of the correct, "between him and me."  

I know.  The topic is OFF-topic, I guess, and I'm guilty.  I also need to get a life.

I soooo agree with you.  I hate the use of "I" when the objective "me" is required...I hate it more than "me" when the subjective "I" is needed.  The whole problem could be avoided with "we" or "us"...  I, too, need to get a life.  

[Snarklepuss]

11 hours ago, Neurochick said:

True, but that takes TIME, in some cases months and years.  This show isn't going to spend months and years interviewing hundreds of applicants.  They would need a lot more than three experts.  This is a SHOW, not a thesis, a show for entertainment purposes, not a real "social experiment."

Yes, well, that was kind of my point to begin with.  If this is the case then the show is never going to be really successful at matching people and the whole idea of seriously attempting to do this using their methods is ridiculous.  If anyone in the audience isn't into watching a train wreck every season they'd best tune out, because it's going to be very random for any of these marriages to work out.  I still hold out hope, though - ever the romantic, I.

4 hours ago, ralph said:

I went to look up what you were referring to...but, I still don't think it writes of the possibility of him usually being a shy, introverted person at most times in public settings or with emotions regarding others. 

Exactly.  I think I posted to that effect upthread or on the other thread.  Some guys never get over being awkward and shy around new women even though they have no problem being just the opposite with their buddies and in business.  Then again, his relative quiet-ness may be due to not really warming up to Sonia enough.  Kind of like Neil from last Season.  He seemed all uptight and unable to open up, but then when I saw a video he did with some work buddies I realized that he was really quite outgoing and not at all the way he appeared on the show.  He only seemed that way on the show because he wasn't into Sam at all.

Edited August 26, 2016 by Snarklepuss

[brilliantbreakfast]

Regarding Derek and smoking:  My (now deceased) husband was a smoker.  I hated smoking.  My mother was a chain smoker and I always hated it.  I put up with it with my husband because I was crazy about him.  And after we had settled into marriage and the "bloom was off the rose" -- that initial burst of "Everything you do is adorable", it really started to bother me.  He was a courteous smoker -- he always tried to keep the smoke away from me -- but it never seemed to be the right time to quit.  Derek and Heather are strangers, so they don't have that "new passion" thing that blinds you to your partner's faults.  I do think that smoking is a big enough deal that they should really probe this while casting.  If they did, and Heather said she didn't mind, then it's on her.  That said, I do think that when you get north of 30, the backwards baseball caps really need to go away.  

Regarding Tom:  There's something creepy under the surface about him.  I'm getting kind of a Ted Bundy vibe from him.  He has great eyes and knows how to use them, but I'm sorry -- a guy living in a bus near the beach is not someone who is eager to find someone to marry.

I don't think  you can run a show like this for more than one season.  Maybe the first time  you get people who want to get married.  But after that?  There is money and that bizarre reality show fame that comes with this...and the possibility of a spinoff, a la "The First Year."  I think that is motivating these people more than anyone else (except Nick, who seems as if he stumbled into this show by mistake).

[Lion18]

19 hours ago, Evil Queen said:

I'm just curious why people assume that? Why those 2 guys? Heck I must be a rare person because I find both unattractive and wouldn't want my man to look like either of those 2. So IMO its a stretch to assume it has to do with looks. More so when she said during the wedding day that she thought he was good looking. Its more to do with other things from what I am seeing and not his looks....even though I don't see Derek as good looking at all myself. Heck none of the guys are though IMO. Yet with Derek I think it comes down to more of his more than likely smoking pot and how his personality is coming off at times. Which it just feels like this show has edited out a lot of things on this couple so we are not seeing the big picture for their issues at all. 

I think Heather liked Derek on the wedding day but then saw he snored, was messy, smoked, liked to gamble etc

i agree we are not seeing everything

 

i liked Derek the first two episodes and now I don't. I had a friend who liked me more than I liked him and I did the same things Heather did to Derek- walking ahead, talking to other men , not letting him touch me etc

it's over with them.  Hope they don't drag it out

[Neurochick]

11 hours ago, red. said:

I dont know if the Entire matching process is bs, but IMO at the end of the day they are looking for participants who are okay to look at, and will have their buttons pushed by their spouse for most of the season.

Totally correct, because at the end of the day, this is a SHOW and all shows are about one thing, ratings and money, period.

[henrysmom]

Quote

If they wanted participants that were ok to look at then why did they choose Neil? Sam wasn't much better.

Weren't Sam and Neal added at the last minute when another couple dropped out? 

[Koda1969]

49 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

Totally correct, because at the end of the day, this is a SHOW and all shows are about one thing, ratings and money, period.

Exactly! In my opinion, there is no social experiment aspect to the show, no real curiosity or desire to understand the human condition. It's basically "what can we do to drive viewers crazy and get them to keep tuning in".

[red.]

44 minutes ago, henrysmom said:

Weren't Sam and Neal added at the last minute when another couple dropped out? 

That's what I remember hearing. I guess both parties just bailed last minute? Jaclyn from S2 had another match that fell through so they put RyR in, and then apparently the same happened with Heather for S4. 

[okerry]

On 8/24/2016 at 4:23 PM, kat12379 said:

I didnt mean that she needs to dress nicer or wear makeup. I meant that in general, the way she carries herself and behaves is not "soft and feminine". There is more to feminity than  wearing makeup. A lot of men would prefer a woman who carries herself like.... a woman

Yes. Patti Stanger of *The Millionaire Matchmaker* can be a screeching harpy at times, but she is spot on IMHO when she starts talking about "masculine energy" and "feminine energy."

Individuals can be as masculine or as feminine as they want in regular life - some women are very driven and masculine, and some men tend to be passive and feminine, and that's fine.  (And this has nothing whatsoever to do with sexual orientation.)

But when it comes to finding a romantic partner, men need to bring out the masculine and women need to bring out the feminine. Being feminine, in this case, means being a little softer and more yielding and accepting, and this is NOT the same as being "weak." Being masculine means being a little stronger and more take-charge and protective, and this is NOT the same as being "controlling."

These things go back to the cave-man days and are in our DNA. Unfortunately, they're no longer politically correct, so we end up with millions of people who end up in one failed relationship after another until finally they wake up one day and they're on MAFS - and still failing.