Koda1969

Agree! That one canvas who said a true Ink Master should be able to handle it (I paraphrase of course)...I just wanted to slap her upside the head. Yeah, they could handle it, with the right amount of time! You want a great tattoo, be reasonable. You want a tattoo that is going to need $$$ to fix down the road, yeah, demand something insane.

My thoughts (and as always, IMHO) Derek and Heather - Ugghh...just ugh. Can we end this already? But there were two things that stuck out to me: - The conversation regarding things - PC said "the smoking thing, then he quit, correct?" she nodded yes. Then she said "but, the surfing instructor fight, etc." Now, I don't know how spot on that conversation was, or how heavily edited, but basically it shows that she got mad about the smoking, they fought, they tried to move on then the surf instructor, cave crap happened the next day. I agree there may be something more than she (or they) aren't showing/telling us, but that bit there seems to imply what we are seeing, which is that she just decided she wasn't into him. Which, I do feel is her complete right. If that is the case, she should just say so, own it..and who cares what anyone thinks. - But, if there is something more nefarious going on, why would her friend be offering the suggestion of taking time, thinking about things, etc.? Maybe the friend knows that Heather has a propensity (not saying she does, just speculating) to overthink, analyze and criticize and maybe that has hindered her past relationships? If it were about weed or something worse (illegal) seems to me the friend would have been "oh heck no, you need to stand up for yourself and move on!" (at least my thought). If anything, wouldn't that have made for more drama for the cameras? So, to me, it seems to imply that maybe it really is as simple as she isn't feeling it, she thinks she made a mistake? Tom and Lily - Sigh. Just shut up both of you. Lily wants to be married, so she has rose-colored glasses on and is saying everything she thinks a "good wife" needs to say. But, making an issue of kids so early, I don't know...maybe wait and see down the road how things go. Heck, you might win the lotto and want to spend your days jetsetting and not changing dirty diapers? (just a thought) Using the term deal-breaker just sets most people on edge (it does me, anyway). It implies your way or no way. Just relax a little. Nick and Sonia - I think both need cue cards. She knows want she wants, but she can't verbalize it completely, and Nick just can't verbalize. Can't say I blame Sonia for feeling a bit awkward. After a while, a man not even trying to get intimate has to make you wonder about your own attractiveness. If I were her, I'd just sit him down and say "look, I get that we are strangers and still getting to know each other, I get that you are weird and reserved. But, I need you to think long and hard about whether you WANT to be intimate, and if you aren't feeling it, you need to be honest with yourself and me right now!" As for the dogs, well, I type this with my own two big dogs near me on the floor sleeping and a momma dog about five feet away with her five little two-week old babies that I bottle-feed every few hours (I work for a puppy rescue)..so yeah, I'm a dog lover. But, if someone comes to my house, I put my dogs away in their crates so that they don't jump on people or interrupt us, and my dogs are not allowed to get "physical" with anyone without their permission. Heck, maybe Sonia really just needs to get all hard core on Nick? Not be so sweet and nice and accommodating. Instead, tell him point blank what she wants and needs?

Have to agree with this also. I've been in the tech industry 30 years and have a Bachelor's (Accounting), MBA, Associates (Management) and Certification (Forensic Accounting)..At the time, I was in a heavy school mode, so when doing my coursework I did my undergrad stuff simultaneously (yes, I am nuts). I make a very good income (but as I like to joke, I also have no life thanks to the job that income comes with). My husband is former military/military police and took a handful of community college classes when he was younger. He works in the security industry and for the most part, earns a third what I do. But...we are both ok with it. He often teases that he'll become my pool boy when I make CFO of my company. I do think the similar ways of looking at life really is key. Our joke for our relationship (to quote the Deadpool movie) "your crazy matches my crazy". Sometimes the comfort level is there, and things just work.

Exactly! In my opinion, there is no social experiment aspect to the show, no real curiosity or desire to understand the human condition. It's basically "what can we do to drive viewers crazy and get them to keep tuning in".

So true! That is sort of what I saying in my own posts. You can't get mad at the experts if you aren't sure what you want. Or you think you know, then when you get it, you realize you don't like it. But I think the applicant pool is what really hinders this show. Based on schedule and looks alone, those available and willing is pretty small, in my opinion.

I agree completely. Honestly, I am not for or against either of them. If anything, both make me cringe because neither knows how to communicate well. When I say trying, or making my point about the checks in the column, truth is, it isn't a game to be worn or lost (and I apologize if my post suggested that). So, in the long run I feel sorry for both of them because neither is willing to bend and/or change just a little to maybe see what might become of it. If both of them possibly let down there defenses and were more natural, maybe they'd get along better? The only reason I might appear to be ragging on her more, is that her body language to me is off-putting. She always seems to be on guard, arms folded, looking around, surveying things and people. In a way, it goes to what the pastor said about letting her walls down. If she is scared, nervous, angry...no problem. But just speak up about it. At the worst he'll look at you and say "get lost" (and in which case, good riddance) or best case scenario, they learn to grow closer. It just seems that she is wary, nervous and doesn't really like him. So, she isn't making a ton of effort (of course, based on editing).

I agree that first and foremost, they aren't a good match. I don't think Derek is perfect. But, if you were to take a sheet of paper and put her name on one side, his another, and then watch the episodes of them together and put check marks under the person who expanded on a comment, made a comment, said something...you'd get a lot more in his column. He said he liked being called Mr. & Mrs. she just nodded and acknowledged. He said he'd never been to Puerto Rico, had she...she said "yes I have". Again, not to say that she doesn't have every right to be the way she is. But for instance, you suggest above that maybe she figured what the hell, let's let loose. She sat there on the couch "do you want to go to the pool?" questions like that. Why didn't she just look at him and say "look, we've been bickering non-stop and this isn't doing either of us any good. Why don't we just stop for a minute, wipe the slate clean...let's go downstairs, grab some drinks, have some fun and stop arguing and see if we can move on?" Was Derek supposed to read her mind that she was "trying"? I don't think everything she does is terrible. What I am questioning is that she isn't trying (if the dinner/drinking was an attempt, I think it was already too late at that point). If you need or want something, speak up. She was not approaching any discussion in a manner that allowed for discussion. She was expressing her dislike of something or disappointment and then not allowing for open dialogue about it. Let's not forget that she also suggested that those that smoke are without class. Whether cigarettes or weed, she has shown she can be just as nasty and reactionary as Derek.

you summed up my thoughts exactly and far more succinctly and eloquently than me!

My opinion about the drinking is that she keeps saying he is a child or acting childish, yet then comments about the beer bong and encouraging him to chug. I guess my feeling is that you can't have it all ways. Do you want a frat boy type? Do you want a daily-suit-wearing type? A mixture of the two? Being that she nitpicked about the smoking and gambling, I think her encouraging him to chug, and asking about the beer bong were confusing to me. Here she was nitpicking at his vices, then on the other side egging him on.

haha so true! Well, I didn't argue with him. Now, when I do laundry on the weekends, I leave the clean clothes in the basket. I hang up his work uniforms, and let him fold the rest. So, in a way, kinda worked in my favor!!

First off, thank you for your service! I think in the long run to say what we (women, men, whatever) should be is just not a feasible concept. We have the right to be what we want, like what we want, etc. The key, and in my estimation, why we are all discussing it here, is because we're trying to figure out why some of these individuals aren't finding happiness and love...either through the show or outside of it. You make a good point about being married to someone who lets you be you, and I think THAT is the main thing. When two people are comfortable, they don't need to force the other to conform to some ideal. My husband and I were 43 when we met and married and right off the bat we both said we did not want to change ourselves or each other. My husband likes Batman, I let him have a whole display wall for his collectibles. He's not into decorating, so I get to do what I want to the house. In the case of Heather, if I can play devil's advocate..no, she shouldn't have to change. But then again, neither should Derek. I think that's the delicate balance with people when they come together. Some can get over things and move on, some can't and check out. In Heather's case, the only thing I fault her on honestly, is two things. One, lack of communication. Rather than just say outright something like "look, this whole thing makes me scared and nervous, and so I don't mean to seem cold..just work with me a little"..she instead folds her arms, seems to scowl, and in essence shuts down. Two, when she does finally say something that is bugging her, she's not wording it like a discussion (in my opinion). It's more like "I don't like this"...period..end of story. From the smoking to the gambling, she seems to make statements that are admonishments. I know that personally, I would be very defensive just based on her statements and body language. If I can offer an example. I have epilepsy, and due to the high cost of my meds, I stopped taking my medication a few weeks ago. I plan to eventually get to the doctor and start a new medication, but truth is, I wanted a break. The meds make my skin crawl, make me very irritable, I hate them. That said, last week my husband called on the way home from work and one thing led to another and I lit into him. I wasn't nice at all, in fact I really did just come across very mean and very petty. He didn't say anything, but when he came home, I could tell I'd upset him (which trust me, is very rare). I sat him down and said "look, I'm so sorry that I said what I did and the way I said it. I wasn't trying to blame you for the situation. I didn't communicate right. I love you, and I don't want us to fight. But, please understand that right now, I don't feel 100%. That's not an excuse, I just want you to know that how and what I said, what not what I was intending to convey." He gave me a hug and a kiss, said he understood, and we were eventually able to talk about the problem that caused the fight and find a solution. Heck, maybe if Heather had just sat Derek down and said "you know, I'm going to confess that this whole thing scares the crap out of me, and I'm having a hard time getting comfortable" maybe she'd garner more empathy?

Well, I will confess that being married to a military man was a learning curve for me, but the one nice thing, is once I figured him out, I didn't really have to overthink much of anything. For some reason, it just made me think of something that Nick said. I can't remember exactly, but didn't he say something to the effect that if he's not saying it, he's not thinking it? Reason I thought of that, is that is one of the biggest things I learned with my husband. I tease him often that he doesn't "emote". He's not the type to overthink anything or over discuss anything. At first, that threw me off, because I constantly worried that because he wasn't talking to me about something, that maybe he was upset or bothered. But turns out no...he just doesn't want or need to over analyze. I can tell you that once I got used to that, it was the greatest thing on earth. Knowing where I (or we or whatever) stand takes a huge emotional burden off of me. Granted, I'll also confess that this won't earn me any points...he is a misogynist. Or at least, a playful one if that makes sense. He often jokes that the Navy taught him how to drink and womanize and he is often playful about our roles (he'll sometimes say "woman, go make me a sammich!") But...I should stress, it's always in fun, because he knows that even though I'm only 5' tall, I'll knock him on his ass so fast he won't know what hit him. So, while he tries to joke and act like a pig, in the end, he'll give me whatever I want, is faithful to a fault and is truly my best friend.

Have to agree as well. My husband is former Navy. I'm not allowed to fold his t-shirts out of the laundry because "I don't do it right" (hey, I'm fine with him doing it, less for me to do!) My husband also has a very confident demeanor (he was military police to boot). But...I can tell you that my husband definitely lived up (and continues) to the old cliches about rowdy Navy men. My husband is very outgoing (nice way of putting it). To some, he may appear childish, but when you need him, he immediately turns into the responsible man I've grown to count on.

So true! Although, I will confess that towards the late 80's where I grew up, the premise of being much skinnier became popular. I'm only 5' tall and had a body of a gymnast (muscular legs) but unfortunately inherited..umm (cough) a chest not unlike my other Italian ancestors. In school I was constantly ridiculed as fat and it stuck with me for a long time. Heck, even nearing 50 years old, I feel self conscious. In the long run, my opinion is that it only matters how YOU feel and if you have a partner, if they LOVE you. Two weeks ago my hubby and I were doing some major work around the house...my hair is long thick and frizzy and it was a wreck..and by the end of the day I truly smelled from all the sweat. You know what, he didn't give a rat's butt. We fell into bed exhausted and snuggled all night!

Well, I'm going to confess that I haven't yet watched this episode because I'm dealing with a sewage issue at my mom's house that has kept me occupied the last few days. But, since last season, I've almost enjoyed reading the banter and recaps on here more. That said, based on the previews from last episode and the discussion here, I wanted to just add a couple of my thoughts. As always, this is IMHO. On the smoking thing. Well, I am a smoker and so is my husband (cigarettes only). We don't smoke in our house. Oftentimes in the evening, I'll be in the home office working he'll be in the family room watching television, and one of us will get up and call to the other "smoke?". We don't refer to it as cigs or cigarettes or anything like that. My husband will call me sometimes on the way home from work and say "I need to stop at the store to pick up smokes". Could it be weed as some are guessing, maybe...but since TPTB are doing their best to maximize drama with it, I think my brain would explode trying to decipher the snippets of clues. The whole ocassional versus often, I do feel that if she really did have an issue with smoking, she should have been VERY adamant that it was a deal breaker...period. I don't classify how much I smoke. I smoke. Period. As for Heather, I honestly feel that since day one, she checked out. Maybe her face just isn't "emotive" but she never seemed to really let loose. Which, I should stress, is fine. She shouldn't have to change for someone, just like the others shouldn't have to. But where I find fault (and disappointment) is that she seems to be standing back, analyzing every little thing and in her head saying "yep, this isn't going to work". As someone approaching 50, and trust me, having had my share of 43 years of bad relationships (including a marriage to an abusive alcoholic) the hardest thing to do when you really DO want a good relationship is to finally accept that you don't know everything (if you did, you'd obviously be in a happy relationship). That entails loosening the deal breakers and/or giving something/someone a chance. Maybe Derek isn't Mr. Right...but to me, it seems she just hasn't even tried and she made up her mind the minute she laid eyes on him. The reason this bothers me, is that regardless of this experiment or not, no good relationship can be built on one person constantly scrutinizing as well as being dead certain in what they know they want/need. Had Heather given things a chance, but still wasn't feeling it, then I'd at least not feel like she wasn't trying. What you think you want is not necessarily what you need. Again, this is my opinion, but as I said, based on a lifetime of bad relationships. It wasn't until I was 43 and listened to a relationship expert who basically kicked me in the butt and told me to stop with all the lists of what I wanted and really focus on character. Well, go figure..the minute I did that and truly did date a man who had the character qualities I wanted, poof..I met my soul mate! Yes, totally cheesy...but true. My husband is not perfect by a long shot, neither am I..but you know what, we laugh at each other in regards to the things we are different about. But, where it matters (sticking by each other and supporting each other) we are both there for each other. So, because of that, we don't nitpick the stupid stuff. Heather, I feel, thought she wanted this (experiment) but she still isn't getting out of the old mode of thinking she knows who and what are right for her.