Koda1969

Agree! That one canvas who said a true Ink Master should be able to handle it (I paraphrase of course)...I just wanted to slap her upside the head. Yeah, they could handle it, with the right amount of time! You want a great tattoo, be reasonable. You want a tattoo that is going to need $$$ to fix down the road, yeah, demand something insane.

My thoughts (and as always, IMHO) Derek and Heather - Ugghh...just ugh. Can we end this already? But there were two things that stuck out to me: - The conversation regarding things - PC said "the smoking thing, then he quit, correct?" she nodded yes. Then she said "but, the surfing instructor fight, etc." Now, I don't know how spot on that conversation was, or how heavily edited, but basically it shows that she got mad about the smoking, they fought, they tried to move on then the surf instructor, cave crap happened the next day. I agree there may be something more than she (or they) aren't showing/telling us, but that bit there seems to imply what we are seeing, which is that she just decided she wasn't into him. Which, I do feel is her complete right. If that is the case, she should just say so, own it..and who cares what anyone thinks. - But, if there is something more nefarious going on, why would her friend be offering the suggestion of taking time, thinking about things, etc.? Maybe the friend knows that Heather has a propensity (not saying she does, just speculating) to overthink, analyze and criticize and maybe that has hindered her past relationships? If it were about weed or something worse (illegal) seems to me the friend would have been "oh heck no, you need to stand up for yourself and move on!" (at least my thought). If anything, wouldn't that have made for more drama for the cameras? So, to me, it seems to imply that maybe it really is as simple as she isn't feeling it, she thinks she made a mistake? Tom and Lily - Sigh. Just shut up both of you. Lily wants to be married, so she has rose-colored glasses on and is saying everything she thinks a "good wife" needs to say. But, making an issue of kids so early, I don't know...maybe wait and see down the road how things go. Heck, you might win the lotto and want to spend your days jetsetting and not changing dirty diapers? (just a thought) Using the term deal-breaker just sets most people on edge (it does me, anyway). It implies your way or no way. Just relax a little. Nick and Sonia - I think both need cue cards. She knows want she wants, but she can't verbalize it completely, and Nick just can't verbalize. Can't say I blame Sonia for feeling a bit awkward. After a while, a man not even trying to get intimate has to make you wonder about your own attractiveness. If I were her, I'd just sit him down and say "look, I get that we are strangers and still getting to know each other, I get that you are weird and reserved. But, I need you to think long and hard about whether you WANT to be intimate, and if you aren't feeling it, you need to be honest with yourself and me right now!" As for the dogs, well, I type this with my own two big dogs near me on the floor sleeping and a momma dog about five feet away with her five little two-week old babies that I bottle-feed every few hours (I work for a puppy rescue)..so yeah, I'm a dog lover. But, if someone comes to my house, I put my dogs away in their crates so that they don't jump on people or interrupt us, and my dogs are not allowed to get "physical" with anyone without their permission. Heck, maybe Sonia really just needs to get all hard core on Nick? Not be so sweet and nice and accommodating. Instead, tell him point blank what she wants and needs?

Have to agree with this also. I've been in the tech industry 30 years and have a Bachelor's (Accounting), MBA, Associates (Management) and Certification (Forensic Accounting)..At the time, I was in a heavy school mode, so when doing my coursework I did my undergrad stuff simultaneously (yes, I am nuts). I make a very good income (but as I like to joke, I also have no life thanks to the job that income comes with). My husband is former military/military police and took a handful of community college classes when he was younger. He works in the security industry and for the most part, earns a third what I do. But...we are both ok with it. He often teases that he'll become my pool boy when I make CFO of my company. I do think the similar ways of looking at life really is key. Our joke for our relationship (to quote the Deadpool movie) "your crazy matches my crazy". Sometimes the comfort level is there, and things just work.

Exactly! In my opinion, there is no social experiment aspect to the show, no real curiosity or desire to understand the human condition. It's basically "what can we do to drive viewers crazy and get them to keep tuning in".

So true! That is sort of what I saying in my own posts. You can't get mad at the experts if you aren't sure what you want. Or you think you know, then when you get it, you realize you don't like it. But I think the applicant pool is what really hinders this show. Based on schedule and looks alone, those available and willing is pretty small, in my opinion.

I agree completely. Honestly, I am not for or against either of them. If anything, both make me cringe because neither knows how to communicate well. When I say trying, or making my point about the checks in the column, truth is, it isn't a game to be worn or lost (and I apologize if my post suggested that). So, in the long run I feel sorry for both of them because neither is willing to bend and/or change just a little to maybe see what might become of it. If both of them possibly let down there defenses and were more natural, maybe they'd get along better? The only reason I might appear to be ragging on her more, is that her body language to me is off-putting. She always seems to be on guard, arms folded, looking around, surveying things and people. In a way, it goes to what the pastor said about letting her walls down. If she is scared, nervous, angry...no problem. But just speak up about it. At the worst he'll look at you and say "get lost" (and in which case, good riddance) or best case scenario, they learn to grow closer. It just seems that she is wary, nervous and doesn't really like him. So, she isn't making a ton of effort (of course, based on editing).

I agree that first and foremost, they aren't a good match. I don't think Derek is perfect. But, if you were to take a sheet of paper and put her name on one side, his another, and then watch the episodes of them together and put check marks under the person who expanded on a comment, made a comment, said something...you'd get a lot more in his column. He said he liked being called Mr. & Mrs. she just nodded and acknowledged. He said he'd never been to Puerto Rico, had she...she said "yes I have". Again, not to say that she doesn't have every right to be the way she is. But for instance, you suggest above that maybe she figured what the hell, let's let loose. She sat there on the couch "do you want to go to the pool?" questions like that. Why didn't she just look at him and say "look, we've been bickering non-stop and this isn't doing either of us any good. Why don't we just stop for a minute, wipe the slate clean...let's go downstairs, grab some drinks, have some fun and stop arguing and see if we can move on?" Was Derek supposed to read her mind that she was "trying"? I don't think everything she does is terrible. What I am questioning is that she isn't trying (if the dinner/drinking was an attempt, I think it was already too late at that point). If you need or want something, speak up. She was not approaching any discussion in a manner that allowed for discussion. She was expressing her dislike of something or disappointment and then not allowing for open dialogue about it. Let's not forget that she also suggested that those that smoke are without class. Whether cigarettes or weed, she has shown she can be just as nasty and reactionary as Derek.

you summed up my thoughts exactly and far more succinctly and eloquently than me!

My opinion about the drinking is that she keeps saying he is a child or acting childish, yet then comments about the beer bong and encouraging him to chug. I guess my feeling is that you can't have it all ways. Do you want a frat boy type? Do you want a daily-suit-wearing type? A mixture of the two? Being that she nitpicked about the smoking and gambling, I think her encouraging him to chug, and asking about the beer bong were confusing to me. Here she was nitpicking at his vices, then on the other side egging him on.

haha so true! Well, I didn't argue with him. Now, when I do laundry on the weekends, I leave the clean clothes in the basket. I hang up his work uniforms, and let him fold the rest. So, in a way, kinda worked in my favor!!

First off, thank you for your service! I think in the long run to say what we (women, men, whatever) should be is just not a feasible concept. We have the right to be what we want, like what we want, etc. The key, and in my estimation, why we are all discussing it here, is because we're trying to figure out why some of these individuals aren't finding happiness and love...either through the show or outside of it. You make a good point about being married to someone who lets you be you, and I think THAT is the main thing. When two people are comfortable, they don't need to force the other to conform to some ideal. My husband and I were 43 when we met and married and right off the bat we both said we did not want to change ourselves or each other. My husband likes Batman, I let him have a whole display wall for his collectibles. He's not into decorating, so I get to do what I want to the house. In the case of Heather, if I can play devil's advocate..no, she shouldn't have to change. But then again, neither should Derek. I think that's the delicate balance with people when they come together. Some can get over things and move on, some can't and check out. In Heather's case, the only thing I fault her on honestly, is two things. One, lack of communication. Rather than just say outright something like "look, this whole thing makes me scared and nervous, and so I don't mean to seem cold..just work with me a little"..she instead folds her arms, seems to scowl, and in essence shuts down. Two, when she does finally say something that is bugging her, she's not wording it like a discussion (in my opinion). It's more like "I don't like this"...period..end of story. From the smoking to the gambling, she seems to make statements that are admonishments. I know that personally, I would be very defensive just based on her statements and body language. If I can offer an example. I have epilepsy, and due to the high cost of my meds, I stopped taking my medication a few weeks ago. I plan to eventually get to the doctor and start a new medication, but truth is, I wanted a break. The meds make my skin crawl, make me very irritable, I hate them. That said, last week my husband called on the way home from work and one thing led to another and I lit into him. I wasn't nice at all, in fact I really did just come across very mean and very petty. He didn't say anything, but when he came home, I could tell I'd upset him (which trust me, is very rare). I sat him down and said "look, I'm so sorry that I said what I did and the way I said it. I wasn't trying to blame you for the situation. I didn't communicate right. I love you, and I don't want us to fight. But, please understand that right now, I don't feel 100%. That's not an excuse, I just want you to know that how and what I said, what not what I was intending to convey." He gave me a hug and a kiss, said he understood, and we were eventually able to talk about the problem that caused the fight and find a solution. Heck, maybe if Heather had just sat Derek down and said "you know, I'm going to confess that this whole thing scares the crap out of me, and I'm having a hard time getting comfortable" maybe she'd garner more empathy?

Well, I will confess that being married to a military man was a learning curve for me, but the one nice thing, is once I figured him out, I didn't really have to overthink much of anything. For some reason, it just made me think of something that Nick said. I can't remember exactly, but didn't he say something to the effect that if he's not saying it, he's not thinking it? Reason I thought of that, is that is one of the biggest things I learned with my husband. I tease him often that he doesn't "emote". He's not the type to overthink anything or over discuss anything. At first, that threw me off, because I constantly worried that because he wasn't talking to me about something, that maybe he was upset or bothered. But turns out no...he just doesn't want or need to over analyze. I can tell you that once I got used to that, it was the greatest thing on earth. Knowing where I (or we or whatever) stand takes a huge emotional burden off of me. Granted, I'll also confess that this won't earn me any points...he is a misogynist. Or at least, a playful one if that makes sense. He often jokes that the Navy taught him how to drink and womanize and he is often playful about our roles (he'll sometimes say "woman, go make me a sammich!") But...I should stress, it's always in fun, because he knows that even though I'm only 5' tall, I'll knock him on his ass so fast he won't know what hit him. So, while he tries to joke and act like a pig, in the end, he'll give me whatever I want, is faithful to a fault and is truly my best friend.

Have to agree as well. My husband is former Navy. I'm not allowed to fold his t-shirts out of the laundry because "I don't do it right" (hey, I'm fine with him doing it, less for me to do!) My husband also has a very confident demeanor (he was military police to boot). But...I can tell you that my husband definitely lived up (and continues) to the old cliches about rowdy Navy men. My husband is very outgoing (nice way of putting it). To some, he may appear childish, but when you need him, he immediately turns into the responsible man I've grown to count on.

So true! Although, I will confess that towards the late 80's where I grew up, the premise of being much skinnier became popular. I'm only 5' tall and had a body of a gymnast (muscular legs) but unfortunately inherited..umm (cough) a chest not unlike my other Italian ancestors. In school I was constantly ridiculed as fat and it stuck with me for a long time. Heck, even nearing 50 years old, I feel self conscious. In the long run, my opinion is that it only matters how YOU feel and if you have a partner, if they LOVE you. Two weeks ago my hubby and I were doing some major work around the house...my hair is long thick and frizzy and it was a wreck..and by the end of the day I truly smelled from all the sweat. You know what, he didn't give a rat's butt. We fell into bed exhausted and snuggled all night!

Well, I'm going to confess that I haven't yet watched this episode because I'm dealing with a sewage issue at my mom's house that has kept me occupied the last few days. But, since last season, I've almost enjoyed reading the banter and recaps on here more. That said, based on the previews from last episode and the discussion here, I wanted to just add a couple of my thoughts. As always, this is IMHO. On the smoking thing. Well, I am a smoker and so is my husband (cigarettes only). We don't smoke in our house. Oftentimes in the evening, I'll be in the home office working he'll be in the family room watching television, and one of us will get up and call to the other "smoke?". We don't refer to it as cigs or cigarettes or anything like that. My husband will call me sometimes on the way home from work and say "I need to stop at the store to pick up smokes". Could it be weed as some are guessing, maybe...but since TPTB are doing their best to maximize drama with it, I think my brain would explode trying to decipher the snippets of clues. The whole ocassional versus often, I do feel that if she really did have an issue with smoking, she should have been VERY adamant that it was a deal breaker...period. I don't classify how much I smoke. I smoke. Period. As for Heather, I honestly feel that since day one, she checked out. Maybe her face just isn't "emotive" but she never seemed to really let loose. Which, I should stress, is fine. She shouldn't have to change for someone, just like the others shouldn't have to. But where I find fault (and disappointment) is that she seems to be standing back, analyzing every little thing and in her head saying "yep, this isn't going to work". As someone approaching 50, and trust me, having had my share of 43 years of bad relationships (including a marriage to an abusive alcoholic) the hardest thing to do when you really DO want a good relationship is to finally accept that you don't know everything (if you did, you'd obviously be in a happy relationship). That entails loosening the deal breakers and/or giving something/someone a chance. Maybe Derek isn't Mr. Right...but to me, it seems she just hasn't even tried and she made up her mind the minute she laid eyes on him. The reason this bothers me, is that regardless of this experiment or not, no good relationship can be built on one person constantly scrutinizing as well as being dead certain in what they know they want/need. Had Heather given things a chance, but still wasn't feeling it, then I'd at least not feel like she wasn't trying. What you think you want is not necessarily what you need. Again, this is my opinion, but as I said, based on a lifetime of bad relationships. It wasn't until I was 43 and listened to a relationship expert who basically kicked me in the butt and told me to stop with all the lists of what I wanted and really focus on character. Well, go figure..the minute I did that and truly did date a man who had the character qualities I wanted, poof..I met my soul mate! Yes, totally cheesy...but true. My husband is not perfect by a long shot, neither am I..but you know what, we laugh at each other in regards to the things we are different about. But, where it matters (sticking by each other and supporting each other) we are both there for each other. So, because of that, we don't nitpick the stupid stuff. Heather, I feel, thought she wanted this (experiment) but she still isn't getting out of the old mode of thinking she knows who and what are right for her.

I get what you are saying. But, in looking back at the episodes (especially this last one) he seemed to repeat (more often than usual) that there was a lot to think about and process. Granted, thanks to my epilepsy and medications, I can't remember what I had for breakfast..so maybe there were parts in the last episode where he implied he wanted to stay married? I guess I just took his repeatedly saying he needed to really think about things, as a way of saying he was going to really think his decision through. But I do get what you are saying. I'm honestly not a huge fan of anyone this season..so most of my conjecture is just based on my thoughts and opinions from what I'm seeing.

I tend to think that Neil (after a while) just didn't bother (trying to talk to her). Considering her reaction every time he would assert himself, not to mention the earlier scenes of calling him fake and a wimp, he probably decided it wasn't worth it to assert himself. After all, she had no issues telling him to leave HER house, or getting upset and throwing a tantrum over the whole "I don't miss you" thing. Plus, every time he did try to share something intimate, she was only half-listening (the soup incident). I know a lot of people who tend to just back away from drama or situations like that, because to them, it's not worth the emotional storm it brews up. So, maybe Neil just said screw it. Pretty much from day one, it was all about Sam..what she wanted, what she expected, etc. Just because she "came around" at the end doesn't mean (in my opinion) that he should trust her and just go with it.

I honestly am still yawning with this episode. Normally, I record it to watch the next morning when my husband goes to work. But last night, he had to work a double shift, so I found myself alone at the time of airing and decided what the hell, I'd watch it live. I swear, I nearly fell asleep it was so boring! rehash...rehash..edit to make it look like maybe someone stays together..inevitable final ending between David and Ashley. Ashley clearly (repeated) for the umpteenth time how trust was broken with David over textgate. If there were truly deeper issues, then I'm sure she would have brought them up. Hearing her say things about broken trust just makes me laugh hysterically, because until that point, she was not forthcoming with him at all. Hell, I have distant acquaintances who talk more than she does! I still say she should have owned it and said "yeah, I just don't like him!!" Sam and Neil...ugghh. What more can be said about them? I find it interesting that Sam suddenly has a change of heart and excepts Neil to just along with her timeline for the progression of the relationship. Behave like an ass and then when you suddenly decide you might like him, he's supposed to turn on a dime and suddenly be all into you? I can't help but wonder if Sam's problem is that she doesn't like something until she suddenly thinks it will be denied her. In other words, she likes setting the pace and now that the time is almost up, she wants to ensure that Neil feels something for her? Plus, because he's very outwardly NOT all googly over here, I wonder if that makes her more determined to get him to fall for her? Not sure if I'm making sense in that? Tres and Vanessa. Sigh. Just sigh. She has said she has a specific idea of what she wants. She has got to lay off the romantic movies and novels. Real life is up and down, kisses then screaming the next day. Real relationships just don't happen in a static two-hour movie format with all the bad stuff edited out. If she doesn't start developing a more realstic sense of good relationships, she is going to be her own worst enemy in every relationship she is in. Ugghh..I can't wait for this to be over!

I agree completely about the vetting process. It is never right to put a person in harm's way, whether they are signing up for an experiment or just a sideline player in the whole thing. But, to that end, if it is putting them in harm's way, the person has ample reason to not only back out, but sue the network. Signing a waiver or contract does not dismiss basic human rights, and so, there is no court or jury on earth (I think) that wouldn't slap the book at the network and make them pay through the nose (the person would most likely earn a lot more than they are from the show). If anything, I think it makes the network look really bad (to my point above). Perception is a big part of network draw and ratings. Very few people would side with the network if it were to surface that they were truly putting people in harm's way. So, any smart attorney (I think) would take it to SM and the people, which could cause quite a backlash.

Even if this were true (as you said, it's speculation) A&E and FYI are networks that rely quite heavily on advertising dollars. Contract or no, every contract is breakable (as one attorney once told me). As I've said before, it seems to me that almost any attorney would take on the case gladly because of the attention it would garner. To my first point about the network, we have seen first-hand the power of SM and viewer response. If it were to surface that the network was using abusive tactics or putting people in harm's way, viewers would rebel..this all adds up to lost revenue for the network. While ratings are key to networks, and bring in the advertising dollars, it works the opposite way as well. Piss of the viewers, and you'll lose viewers, ratings and revenue. Yes, they may have powerful resources (the network) but those resources can't stop the backlash from viewers. If Ashley truly were a victim, people would be lining up for miles to defend her and show the network what's what.

I have a few thoughts on several of the things being discussed. Again, I stress, this is all IMHO and based on my own experiences. The whole David's record thing. Well, my husband and his brother are a year apart (my husband being older), and as they joke, constantly at each other. They've been that way since they were young boys. Heck, even now that they are both in their late 40's they still go at each other! To that end, they have often laughed and relayed the story of how when they were teenagers, they got into a physical fight over something stupid..and it wound up where my husband stabbed his brother in the back with a pencil. When I heard that, I (honestly) was stunned! (no police were called, his brother wasn't hurt badly and they got in a ton of trouble with their parents) But they both, to this day, laugh hysterically over it, because ultimately them fighting was a common thing. His brother even laughs and says that he got him back many times over. To that end, my brother-in-law (when they were both in their 20's) met a woman that he started dating. After they broke up, she set her sights on my husband, and he admits he stupidly fell for it. He admits wholeheartedly what an idiot he was, but basically was blinded by her (again, he says he was a moron). He ended up marrying her! Not even a half year later, she came home and announced she was pregnant. Being that my husband can't have children, obviously she'd cheated, and the marriage ended. But, I have no qualms telling him what an idiot he was, and he agrees. It was just a dumb move on his part (as he says). Again, though, he and his brother were in their early 20's and both admit to just being idiots back then. Also, my husband told me early in our relationship that as a teenager, he went through a very rebellious period. His father is the fire chief in the town he grew up in, and he said the pressure of always being scrutinized got to him. He wound up getting a rush from stealing small things at stores. Nothing major, but just the rush of the rebellion and getting away with it. At 16, he got caught, and when the authorities contacted his father, his father said "let him face the consequences of his actions" and my husband was put in juvenile detention for 6 months! But, to read all that on paper you'd most likely gasp. My husband, though, enlisted in the Navy in his 20's and went on to a very distinguished career in law enforcement. That experience molded him into a man of amazing character. Now, there is only black and white when it comes to the law (break the law or not) and he's as straight as an arrow. So, to judge him on the stupidity of his youth, is to miss out on the great man he NOW is. I'm not saying that's the case with David, I'm just pointing out the above to illustrate that sometimes in our youth, things happen. In some cases, yes, it leads to further bad behavior, but sometimes it's just that...stupid stuff we do when we think we are invincible and we can do anything we want. Now, as for the Ashley thing. I am not a fan of David so it isn't Ashley bashing for the sake of bashing. As many have pointed out, while editing can play a role, there has to be something there to edit. I still contend that if David were as terrible as her camp is suggesting, she could have backed out. I know that no amount of money would make me lose my dignity or endure a terrible situation. If there are the supposed repercussions of a contract, well, I still feel any halfway decent lawyer could defend her, and because of the overall support she would probably garner from the viewing public, the network would not pursue it. After all, would they want to be seen as allowing a marriage to a possible violent person, etc. to stain their overall production image? (I think not) But, here's where my opinion kicks into overdrive regarding Ashley. She said she has a type, and that she clearly stated that it wasn't working and she wanted to try something else. But, she wasn't really invested in following through. She saw David at the alter, and shut down. I don't disagree that it's VERY hard to get past what you feel is attractive. She had the right to just say "I'm not feeling this". But, she didn't give it a chance from the get-go. Was David her perfect match, maybe not, but she didn't even try in order to see if he possessed the characters of a possible good husband. If she really wasn't happy, she should have just owned it and said "I don't feel comfortable with him." The whole dancing on eggshells to "not hurt his feelings" just came off as disingenuous. She should have just fessed up and owned it. Again, I go to my own personal experience. I, too, had a type. But most of my adult life it wasn't doing me any favors. I had "daddy issues" as I've mentioned before and basically went from one bad relationship to another. At one point, I met a dating expert of sorts, who told me point blank that if I didn't go for character, and set aside the superficial, that I might never have a good relationship. I was on one of those free dating sites and one night, saw my husband's profile. Now, I'll tell you right up front, his pictures did NOT jump out at me, and if anything, somewhat turned me off. But reading his profile, I realized we had a ton in common and as the expert had told me, his character seemed to be what I wanted/needed. I made the decision to reach out to him. Well, the rest is history. We met in person, and I can tell you that (thankfully) his pictures didn't do him justice. No, he wasn't tall, dark and handsome. Instead, he was tall, bald (shaved head) and a normal looking 43 year old guy. But, I gave him a chance and wound up finding the love of my life. Now, to me, he is the most handsome man on earth because I can always count on him. So, by stepping outside my comfort zone, I really did find the "character" of a partner that I truly needed. So, about Ashley. If she really wants a real relationship, she has to be willing to take a risk. Again, is David her perfect match, probably not. But we (the viewers) won't know, because she just hasn't tried. So, to bash him like she's doing now, just comes across as trying to deflect from the fact that she shut down at the wedding, and never even tried. I think that rather than keep pointing out David's flaws, she could have handled it differently. Had she just been honest and said "I don't like him, he creeps me out" and not constantly waging a SM war, people might have viewed her differently.

Hahaha...Me too! But then again, I saw Donna Summer live in concert in 1978 right around the time I saw Star Wars in the theater. Yeah, I'm feeling old now!

Have to agree with the thoughts about the supposed arrest record. We just don't know one, if it's truly him, and two, the true nature of the situation. My brother had a very similar situation to what interestedinMAFS points out above, including the nutbag ex-wife. She was a total basket case behind closed doors, when the need arose, she could turn on the water works to make herself out to be a perfect victim. She even threw herself down the stairs once, and claimed he beat her! The reason I know, is that after the fact, she laughed about it to me and my mom!! And yes, Jack Sampson, just the allegation nowadays can ruin your life. Because of what my brother's ex did, it haunts him to this day. He has to constantly explain that the charges were dropped, etc. But still..there are a handful of people that refuse to believe it was made up and think he's an abuser. Having been married to an abusive alcoholic myself, to the point where he beat me when I was pregnant and I miscarried (and yes, that's when I finally left him)...I don't agree that the term abusive should be so readily thrown out, especially when it can (and does) affect those accused. But, I should also stress, that if it really is the case than the abuser does need to face repercussions. I guess my point, is to be sure what you're doing before you make allegations.

My DVR, for some reason, thought this episode was a re-run so it didn't record. Being that this show is just draaaaggging on, I wasn't too upset by that. But, while working (I work from home) I decided to pull up the episode and watch it online while doing my normal work stuff. So, the good thing was that I wasn't really "paying attention" 100% hehe So, here's my thoughts: Tres/Vanessa - As has been said over and over, the woman has issues. I think the biggest issue, is that she has a very specific idea of what a relationship and marriage should be and what a man needs to be like. So, if she isn't getting it, she's pouting or dredging up triggers to set her off and feel bad. As for Tres, is he a player? I honestly can't say yes or no. But, what I feel..is that because Vanessa is so damn specific in what she expects, that he feels pressured to either be something he's not, or that she is trying to force him to change. I think human nature tends to suggest that if we try to force someone to behave a certain way, odds are that person will rebel or push back..or even pull back. I know that I don't like being told what to do, or how to be. Again, is Tres a player..could be. But I think Vanessa is trying to force too much on him, too soon. This goes back to the whole L-word thing. She wants him to be some movie version of a man, where he professes his immediate undying love. Being that rarely exists in healthier relationships, she's just pushing him away (IMHO). David/Ashley - I just won't bother commenting, as what everyone else has said is already out there. As far as David and the grieving, yes I do feel there is some production intervention there. But, I do have a friend that is my age (late 40's) who lost his mother 20 years ago. Every year on most major holidays, and her birthday, he changes his Facebook profile pic to one of the two of them together, and generally posts a sad post about how he never stops missing her. I think everyone grieves differently, so I won't try to guess how he feels. Ashley, well, she's just Ashley. It all about her. What she wants, what she feels, what she perceives. Sam/Neil - I know some have made comments about Neil. The interesting thing, is that my husband is also very calm. He doesn't "emote" as I like to tease him. Most of his youth was spent in the military, and military police no less. So, he is just the type who doesn't fly off the handle. I'm the type that will scratch a person's eyes out if I'm upset...my husband, he'll just calmly stand back and not get into the emotional aspect of things. But, in a way, he balances me out..and when he is truly needed, trust me, he'll step up immediately. Likewise, he has no problem kissing me goodbye every morning, kissing me when he gets home, opening the car door for me, opening doors and snuggling up and saying I love you when we go to bed. But, that is because he is secure in my love for him. I don't play games, or fly off the handle (ala Sam). So, he is comfortable being loving because I don't make a joke of everything. That said, about Sam. I do still see (as I mentioned last week) it's all about her. How she feels, what she needs, etc. Getting upset about Neil, well I do think she started it by laughing and saying "that's weird" when he asked if she missed him. Then to get all upset at him, again, it's all about her. Also, to throw in the kitchen sink at every little thing (i.e. he doesn't deserve to talk to me) can get quite tiring for the other person. You can't be (again IMHO) flip about emotions, then get angry when the person isn't all hugs and kisses. Also, yet again, activities are about her, what she wants. Neil, I think, just goes along with it. But, to that end, and others have suggested it. With personalities like Sam, you are sort of damned if you do, damned if you don't. My step-father was like her, and I can tell you that for 30 years, he emotional terrorized us all. Only he could say things (cruel, curt, in you face). If you did the same to him, or pointed out his hypocrisies, you'd get the full effect of his wrath. It ended up where we all just walked on constant eggshells, because we could do not right by him, and most of us would rather just keep him calm then deal with his anger. Sam's constant mood shifts again, are all about her. Rather than truly being a "unit" (to use her phrase) with Neil, she's all about what she wants, which includes dictating the speed of the relationship. So, now she suddenly is comfy with him? So..he should come running? I don't think Neil is passive, I think he's just taking the path of least resistance to avoid the continuous emotional turmoil when she isn't happy.

Agree completely with this! The one thing that struck me about her gift, is how she used the word "love" on every tag. To me, the worst thing you can do is force that word when someone isn't ready. It puts a lot of pressure on the person and the relationship. They've only known each other a month, and sometimes real love needs time to develop. Don't go scaring the guy with a dozen tags about the ways you love him!!