S04.E03: Just Married

[henrysmom]

I'm still feeling good about two of the couples.  I kind of liked the way Tom was dancing around the "Would you like to live on a bus?" question with Lily.  I just hope he tells her before they pull up to it and she's confronted with it without warning.  When they did the little flashback to the bus this episode I just kind of gasped.  It looked even worse than I remembered it.  I'm all for Tom's lifestyle choices.  Living at the beach sounds great.  But that is going to be a hard sell to anybody, not just Lily.  

Nick and Sonia, even though they are a lot less touchy/feely than Lily and Tom actually struck me as even more hopeful.  When the new expert had them do the "you are my husband/wife" thing and they both found it difficult I think I was a little reassured.  They both seem to realize this might be work, and that everything isn't going to magically fall into place.  

Heather and Derek.  Oh Heather...I feel for her.  Probably so many bad relationships.  So many loser guys.  She's at the point where every single thing is a potential red flag.  If it hadn't been the smoking or the gambling, it would have been something else.  I don't want to say she's looking for a reason to make this fail...but I kind of am saying that.  But I think they do have a shot if she sees that herself and learns to let things go.  To maybe <ask> Derek straight out, no dancing around, no "if he says occasionally in this scenario is such and such, he means that in every scenario", Derek, how often do you smoke?  But I don't know if she can do that.  I hope so, because I do like her.

Of course the trouble with this show is that if the participants were good at communicating and compromising, they'd probably not need to go on the show at all.

[Tara Ariano]

In case you missed it, here's the Previously.TV post on the episode!

Might Married At First Sight's Sonia And Nick Require More Common Ground Than A Shared Dislike Of Mustard?

And more questions sparked as the couples head off on their honeymoons in 'Just Married'!

[Cowgirl]

What I don't get is why Tom's bus is so manky looking.  He's a luxury yacht interior salesman, right?  He ought to have access to suppliers and be able to get discounts.  So, why does his tour bus interior contain so much ugly plywood?  Maybe he's a really bad luxury yacht interior salesman and never makes a commission. Or, maybe it's because the economy is still tanked and who is still buying luxury yachts? The interior of that bus looks more like the palace of a crazed hippie than the home of a luxury yacht salesman.

[izabella]

22 minutes ago, BunnySlippers said:

About Nick and the dog issue: I think it was disappointing for him to be matched with someone who is afraid of dogs because his dogs are important to him. He doesn't want to give them up for his new  wife, and he sees this is a conflict that maybe he doesn't know how they will solve. Still, I agree that he shouldn't have gone on and on about horses vs. dogs. I think, too, that Sonia must have some reason why she's afraid of dogs. Maybe she was bitten once, or she was scared by one when she was little (that happened to my daughter). Besides, dogs and horses are different. I don't think I've heard of a horse mauling someone to death...

That conversation would have gone a lot better if Sonia had actually contributed something, anything, to it.  It would have been great if she had taken the time to explain why she's afraid of dogs - most people who are afraid of dogs have a reason.  If she's been bitten or was scared by one or whatever, then she should have said something so her new husband could understand her fear better.  But, she didn't say much, so he tried to fill the void by asking some questions...and he learned that she liked horses, which is good info as well. 

She said at the wedding that she was a little afraid of dogs - she could have also explained whether that means she can't be anywhere near dogs, or whether she might be able to overcome her fears.  If she can't deal at all, that is a huge deal breaker for someone like Nick who loves his dogs and won't be able to live without them and without having dogs in the future.

Edited August 10, 2016 by izabella

[henrysmom]

Quote

What I don't get is why Tom's bus is so manky looking. 

Could be a combination of all you said.  Could also be that he's so busy surfing he doesn't have time to work on it and he's of the "it's fine, whatever" mentality.  It  reminds me of when I was having my bathroom redone and one of the workers I was talking to said that his wife has been bugging him for years to redo their bathroom, but he just "never has the time".  

[BunnySlippers]

6 minutes ago, izabella said:

That conversation would have gone a lot better if Sonia had actually contributed something, anything, to it.  It would have been great if she had taken the time to explain why she's afraid of dogs - most people who are afraid of dogs have a reason.  If she's been bitten or was scared by one or whatever, then she should have said something so her new husband could understand her fear better.  But, she didn't say much, so he tried to fill the void by asking some questions...and he learned that she liked horses, which is good info as well. 

She said at the wedding that she was a little afraid of dogs - she could have also explained whether that means she can't be anywhere near dogs, or whether she might be able to overcome her fears.  If she can't deal at all, that is a huge deal breaker for someone like Nick who loves his dogs and won't be able to live without them and without having dogs in the future.

I totally agree. Sonia should have explained why she has this fear and the extent of it.

[Evil Queen]

1 hour ago, Neurochick said:

I'm confused by this statement, it kind of comes off as sexist, but I'm not sure.  Like a woman in her thirties who is "jaded" should be glad that any man wants her?  Yuk.    That said, I really like Derek and I was impressed that he speaks Arabic and Farsi. 

The funny thing is that when you're older, you'll probably dump the white picket fence to live on a boat.  In the USA, the thing is to have a house with a white picket fence, I've never understood what's so great about that, for me, a house meant paying big $$$ to get shit fixed every year, I was pleased as punch to sell mine and use the money to travel.

After watching last night, I really don't blame the experts at all.  They are only working with what people tell them.  The problem is that many people really have no clue what they do and don't want.  Heather got upset when Derek smoked, but she told the experts that she didn't mind occasional smoking.  If smoking bothered her then she should have said, "I don't want a smoker."  Why didn't she just say that?  She also expressed concern when Derek mentioned a casino.  If that bothered her, then why not say, "I don't want a man who gambles?"

It's like the guy two seasons ago who said he'd move for a spouse but didn't want to leave New Jersey. 

I think too many of these folks don't even know themselves and that could be a serious problem.

Of course we have no clue what the "experts" even ask at all or talk to these people about. So we have no clue if things like gambling is mentioned or if they ask further one what one means by occasional. I would hope they would try to cover all these things but I can see some things being left out or forgotten about. Even with someone applying for the show, I can see them failing to mention certain things...even deal breakers. I think we all could list certain things we like or dislike and forget to mention other things that should be listed. Even with what these stupid "experts" get told we see them time and time again put people together they shouldn't because of the deal breakers or some other issues one has that the other would do/does. 

I do agree that I don't think most these people know themselves well enough for this situation or they assume what they will get is their "dream spouse", while not realizing that these "experts" seem to match for issues/drama/etc so they will end up with something far from a "dream spouse". 

1 hour ago, okerry said:

 Still wish the interviewers would ask, "Who's your celebrity crush?" as part of the matching process. That would help a lot with at least the physical chemistry aspect of this.

Derek & Heather - Sure, she'd be okay with a guy who was an "occasional smoker," as long as he looked like Brad Pitt and had the same kind of money. When people say they'd be willing to bend their dealbreakers a little, they mean they'll do it if their mate is off-the-charts fantastic in every other way. They don't mean they'll put up with it if they're first reaction to that person is "meh." He wants someone who is laid back and fun, and she wants the perfect man. Yeah, this'll work.

The main thing I've learned from this show - other than that chemistry really does matter - is that if people can't get married any other way than MAFS, there's usually a pretty good reason for that.

I don't think asking who a celeb crush is will do anything. I can imagine most of us can say certain celebs are good looking but they are nothing like who we date or marry. Heck some of the ones I think are good looking are nothing like my husband. Considering when it comes to those you really do date, some people will have a variety of what they may find attractive or not. 

I don't think Heather would care if it was Brad Pitt or not in that situation or any other hot guy. I think there is more to the smoking than they will show us because of what it could be. Sorry but I am one of those that things he is a pot smoker. Dude is always looking stone. I can totally see that being a deal breaker and sucking the fun out of a person. Especially if the smoker can't do a thing without doing that first or as they go along doing things.

I will agree with the last statement you made. It sure seems that way. LOL

44 minutes ago, Madding crowd said:

Sonia seems very nervous all the time; maybe it is the cameras maybe it is Nick. i don't really like Nick so far and find his sarcastic comments to be hurtful. He seemed to go on and on about her being afraid of Dogs and not horses. Maybe she had a dog bite her once or doesn't like dogs that climb all over you. I just hate mean spirited teasing. I agree that Nick does not look happy to be there.

Tom and Lilly seem fun and happy but I think that glow is going to wear off. I wouldn't want to live in a bus and hope Tom is flexible on that. As for Derek and Heather. Derek does seem like a pot smoker but I cannot say he is one without proof. Heather doesn't seem mean to me, she just seems like a woman who is used to speaking her mind. I don't know if they will end up together or if either is really all in. 

Nick is an ass. Sorry but I haven't cared for the guy from the get go. Then to be the way he was over horses and dogs. I'm sorry but the idiot "experts" should NEVER have put them together. This is another issue of one can fix this or that. I can imagine she probably had something that freaked her out over dogs. I know I was bit by one my mom had when I was in my mid 20s. I had to go to the hospital for it because my hand was bleeding so bad. I am VERY leery of certain dogs because of it. I have seen my younger son scared of them when he was little because of an overly excited one jumping on him. He did get over it as he got older but the point is there are so many reasons one can be afraid of dogs. He hasn't even asked why she is. You would think maybe instead of his asshole comments about the horses/dogs that he would be "do you mind me asking why you are scared of dogs?" and maybe how he might help her ease into getting to know his dogs but nope he just comes off as a jerk about it. I know I rather be near a big horse than most dogs myself. 

Agree with what you said about Heather and Derek. While we can't prove it, almost every scene he is looking pretty stoned. I am still not getting Ashley vibes though from her at all. I just see her being careful. Heck she slept next to him and let him put his arms around her...as well as having kissed a few times that they have shown. I think in these situations its best to be careful and take it slow as if you are dating. No one needs or should be just jumping into bed right off the bat IMO. 

[izabella]

2 minutes ago, Evil Queen said:

I don't think Heather would care if it was Brad Pitt or not in that situation or any other hot guy. I think there is more to the smoking than they will show us because of what it could be. Sorry but I am one of those that things he is a pot smoker. Dude is always looking stone. I can totally see that being a deal breaker and sucking the fun out of a person. Especially if the smoker can't do a thing without doing that first or as they go along doing things.

The thing is, Derek actually seems like a fun guy.  It's Heather that seems to suck the fun out of things, lol.  It's early days yet, though, so maybe she's not as jaded as she is coming off so far.

[Evil Queen]

3 minutes ago, izabella said:

The thing is, Derek actually seems like a fun guy.  It's Heather that seems to suck the fun out of things, lol.  It's early days yet, though, so maybe she's not as jaded as she is coming off so far.

This is if Derek is a pothead, if you have ever been around someone that can't do a thing without getting high first than you will know it can suck the fun out of things. It starts to come off as if they can't do anything ever without it and it gets old quick. Which I just thought about it but he could also smoke cigs to try to cover up the smell of pot as well. I knew a guy like that. Didn't hang around that long either but they would smoke their pot and then light up a cig right after. While the smell of pot on a person smoking it doesn't last long they will do it to try to cover up the smell in the air as well. I think time will tell with all of this and if it is pot I don't see the show even telling us this at all. It would be edited to look like cigs. 

[izabella]

Where is he getting pot on their honeymoon, though?  They just got there and you can't travel with it, especially out of the Miami airport where they are on high alert for drugs all the time.

[Jellybeans]

I like everyone except Heather.  She makes me feel uptight and I am not uptight.  Derek seems fun.  I do not understand why people rag on him about being a pot smoker because of his eyes.  He smiles with his whole face and Heather only smiles with her mouth.  He is adorable.

 Nick has a sly sense of humor- it appeals to me.  I would LOVE to go out with him but he is too young. :-)  And married, and I reserve the right to change my opinion later.  Sonia is a good match I think... but she seems to be a bit superficial at this point.

And what was with the hair-styling clips the producers were showing with Sonia???  Is she the next Jamie?

I understand why Tom is having trouble telling Lilly.. it is a big deal.  I am not assuming it is a problem down the road as far as a future family, etc., because that is assuming they want children.  For all we know, both do not.  In that case a small place does not matter. 

[Neurochick]

29 minutes ago, Evil Queen said:

Nick is an ass. Sorry but I haven't cared for the guy from the get go. Then to be the way he was over horses and dogs. I'm sorry but the idiot "experts" should NEVER have put them together. This is another issue of one can fix this or that. I can imagine she probably had something that freaked her out over dogs. I know I was bit by one my mom had when I was in my mid 20s. I had to go to the hospital for it because my hand was bleeding so bad. I am VERY leery of certain dogs because of it. I have seen my younger son scared of them when he was little because of an overly excited one jumping on him. He did get over it as he got older but the point is there are so many reasons one can be afraid of dogs. He hasn't even asked why she is. You would think maybe instead of his asshole comments about the horses/dogs that he would be "do you mind me asking why you are scared of dogs?"

I don't get this.  Why is Nick an ass because Sonia is afraid of dogs?  Why couldn't she explain why she's afraid of dogs? 

Edited August 10, 2016 by Neurochick

[henrysmom]

I'm afraid of dogs myself.  One jumped on me when I was small and I've actually never really gotten over it--though to be frank I haven't actually tried all that hard since I'm a cat person anyway.  But people do tend to mock me for it, and I'm okay with it.  It wasn't a huge mauling or anything, just a scary thing that I <should> have gotten over by the time I was six, let alone the age I am now.  

I was fine with the way Nick was joking about it.  People often don't understand irrational fears.  Now if Sonia had said that she was bitten by a dog and had to go to the hospital and it really traumatized her and Nick still made fun of it...then I'd have a problem with it.  But she seems to be insinuating that it is an irrational fear on her part.  I'm kind of hoping this is a non-issue being pumped for drama, and once she meets Nick's dogs (lord, I hope one isn't a Doberman) she'll be fine.

[Jellybeans]

Sonia may have explained her fear of dogs and it wasn't shown...or shown yet.

I have two dogs and I am not overly fond of other people's dogs unless they are well trained.  :-)

[ClareWalks]

One thing Tom said was a major red flag to me. Something like "I hope Lilly is okay with living on the bus, my lifestyle. I don't want to lose her." WTF, dude, is he seriously totally unwilling to live anywhere besides a fucking bus? No wonder he was still single. If THIS is the hill he wants to die on, he will have a rough time in life.

[Trixie Belden]

2 hours ago, Madding crowd said:

Sonia seems very nervous all the time; maybe it is the cameras maybe it is Nick. i don't really like Nick so far and find his sarcastic comments to be hurtful.

I told my husband last night that I can see where Nick has a hard time getting a second date.  He seems to not be sure what to say at any given time, so either he's silent or he blurts out stupid comments about dogs v. horses.  He's probably mentally kicked himself for saying stupid things so many times that he just stays quiet until he gets to know a person fairly well.  He's not smooth and doesn't have any game, and he knows that.

As for why they matched this guy and put him on tv, that's a conversation we have every season about at least one participant.  Here's one drama guarantee: pair an awkward introvert with a needy extrovert.  They'll absolutely make each other happy! 

[bichonblitz]

5 hours ago, jamblastx said:

I feel as if I am in the minority here but I am finding Sonja to be REALLY grating

I agree. She gets on my nerves.

Lillian and Tom can stop with the constant kissing anytime now.

I'm bored with all three of these couples , but then again, I never really get in to the first few episodes.  it starts getting good after the honeymoon when reality starts to set in. Like sleeping on a bus. And living with a dog. And having a spouse that smells like cigs. Should be fun. 

Edited August 10, 2016 by bichonblitz

[Vinyasa]

Quote

One thing Tom said was a major red flag to me. Something like "I hope Lilly is okay with living on the bus, my lifestyle. I don't want to lose her." WTF, dude, is he seriously totally unwilling to live anywhere besides a fucking bus?

I suspect the producers are behind a lot of this bus "promotion".

They need something to stir up this season!!

[HZAnita]

Derek and his squinty eyes seems genetic. If I recall correctly, his mother also has squinty eyes when she smiles.

[Pepper Mostly]

1 hour ago, Evil Queen said:

 I have seen my younger son scared of them when he was little because of an overly excited one jumping on him. He did get over it as he got older but the point is there are so many reasons one can be afraid of dogs. He hasn't even asked why she is. You would think maybe instead of his asshole comments about the horses/dogs that he would be "do you mind me asking why you are scared of dogs?" and maybe how he might help her ease into getting to know his dogs but nope he just comes off as a jerk about it. I know I rather be near a big horse than most dogs myself. 

My son was terrified of dogs when he was little, and he's still not a fan at 22. But when he was about 6, we saw a horse pulling one of those touristy carriages around Boston--we chatted with the driver, he asked questions about the horse, and when he found out that his name was Bobby and liked carrots, we went next door to Haymarket and bought a single carrot. When we got back the driver showed him how to feed it to the horse, and he enjoyed it mightily. (Bobby the horse enjoyed the carrot, and my son enjoyed feeding it to him!) We were chatting about it and I said I was impressed with his cool around such a large animal, and he pointed out that it wasn't a dog. Well. There are lots of dog-specific reasons why people aren't dog people or don't like them, but do like cats or hamsters or horses or reptiles or whatever. Nick could have been more diplomatic maybe? "I hope you'll like mine, they're a big part of my life. Can we put our heads together and figure out how we can deal with this?" But to save my life I can't figure out why they put a dog person with a non dog person.

[operalover]

It's so so so boring! If this was Season 1 there would not have been a season 2. God I can barely watch. Maybe they were afraid to cast obvious trainwrecks. Heather does not like him. And Nick is not attracted to Sonia. You can tell by his body language, SHE is the one leaning in for the kisses. Derek needs to loose the facial hair.

[Pepper Mostly]

move along, nothing to see here...

Edited August 10, 2016 by Pepper Mostly
gah, my computer is wonky, sorry!

[Pepper Mostly]

On the whole, the people are a vast improvement over last season!  

Edited August 10, 2016 by Pepper Mostly
sorry, double post!

[Lily247]

I only saw a few minutes of this episode and I noticed the part where Nik says to Sonia "I guess I should carry you over the threshold now." And she declines and he half-assedly insists but lets her have her way. IMO he should not have asked, just pick her up and carry her, make it funny or something (because if a stranger picking you up over a threshold is alarming and too touchy MAFS is not the place to be!). That is a more "manly man" way of doing it and Nick's way is just too passive and gonna get him friend zoned. I heard Sonia saying she worried he wouldnt be able to pick her up .... well we can see even though he looks kind of small he does have muscles in his biceps and I'm sure he could have done it for 2 seconds.

[izabella]

I think Nick did better to respect Sonia's request not to pick her up.  It's rarely cool if a guy ignores your request not to touch or lift you!

[henrysmom]

Quote

It's so so so boring! If this was Season 1 there would not have been a season 2. God I can barely watch. Maybe they were afraid to cast obvious trainwrecks.

I'm loving it so far this year.  So sick of the trainwrecks.  I almost bailed a bunch of times last year with the Ashley/David and Sam/Neil misfires.  I know a lot of people thought Vanessa and Tres were boring but I liked them and was really hoping they'd make it.  This year I cautiously optimistic that we may go 2 out of 3 couples staying together, at least until the six month mark.

[Empress1]

1 minute ago, kat12379 said:

I only saw a few minutes of this episode and I noticed the part where Nik says to Sonia "I guess I should carry you over the threshold now." And she declines and he half-assedly insists but lets her have her way. IMO he should not have asked, just pick her up and carry her, make it funny or something (because if a stranger picking you up over a threshold is alarming and too touchy MAFS is not the place to be!). That is a more "manly man" way of doing it and Nick's way is just too passive and gonna get him friend zoned. I heard Sonia saying she worried he wouldnt be able to pick her up .... well we can see even though he looks kind of small he does have muscles in his biceps and I'm sure he could have done it for 2 seconds.

I knew the instant she said "No, that's OK" that she was self-conscious about her weight. I think she looks fine (I've said before that I think she's the prettiest of the three), but she's not a waif and I just knew she was feeling iffy about that. I was really surprised that Nick didn't pick up on that - when he said maybe the issue was her dress, I was like "Oh come on, dude." I'm glad he respected her wish.

I actually think there's potential with Nick - the way he was showing her how to iron was sweet. "You're not going to hurt it!" (I HATE to iron. I know how, but I just don't do it. My mother also loathes ironing; we joke that it's genetic. So marrying a man who didn't mind doing it would be a nice catch.) But he comes across as kind of clueless about women. I'm guessing that by the time he's comfortable enough with a woman to make a move, he's in the friend zone.

If Heather doesn't want a smoker, she should have said so. (I would have. Deal breaker. I don't want to get close to smokers; kissing a smoker tastes nasty.) It seems like Derek smokes regularly but not a large quantity, but Heather is OK with "smokes once a month or less." That's going to be a problem. It looks like they get into it next week.

Tom and Lily were a little much. I was surprised they didn't have sex, frankly. I doubt they'll wait much longer.

[Evil Queen]

1 hour ago, Neurochick said:

I don't get this.  Why is Nick an ass because Sonia is afraid of dogs?  Why couldn't she explain why she's afraid of dogs? 

Its how he went about it that was making him come off as an ass to me. 

1 hour ago, Jellybeans said:

Sonia may have explained her fear of dogs and it wasn't shown...or shown yet.

I have two dogs and I am not overly fond of other people's dogs unless they are well trained.  :-)

And agree we have no way to know if she did explain her fear after they got married or during this time either way. I would hope she would have but some people don't get that kind of fear and some might. There are people that are jerks about it even after telling them why you are afraid. As I said I have been bit before by one and while I am not afraid of dogs in general, I am leery. Of course I was scared of the one when we had horrible neighbors for a year (we refer to them as freakshow). They had a horrible rot and the thing even broke their living room window at one point because he wanted to attack anyone walking by. The office for our complex claimed the reason they were allowed the dog was because it was a "service dog". Which was obvious BS but that was a scary dog. Hell to me the coyote that ran by me one morning when I was walking wasn't as scary. LOL Back to the show, I would hope she would have said to him at some point about why she has this fear and it just happened it was either off camera or edited out to make it seem she never did. 

[Marsupial]

My thoughts so far on this season:

I think these experts are a zillion kajillion times better than the previous gang, by a moon shot. I can't express how much more knowledgeable, helpful and practical this group is over the usual crew of blissed-out, babbling idiots. I loved it when they talked about the reasons they matched the couples; it was things like, they both love the outdoors or they both like a low-key lifestyle, actual compatibility vs. "they were both bullied as children."  It's great that Dr. Pepper is the only one they kept, the other two were intolerable. And how nice that they have a clergy person who is actually, you know, a religious person.

The couples all seem like somewhat normal people and that's a blessing. Bring on the boring!

My prediction: Sonia and Nick will be the only couple to make it.

Heather is an overly critical prisspot and really annoying, while Derek seems like a fun guy. I don't know, he might be a bit of a frat boy type, maybe that's what is turning her off? At least she's trying to engage with him instead of shutting him out, Ashley-style.

Quote

Nick has a sly sense of humor- it appeals to me.  I would LOVE to go out with him but he is too young. :-)  

Oh absolutely! He's so cute, and I when I was dating, I always liked dating guys like that when I was looking for something serious (for flings I preferred big extroverts). IME those men that seem slightly stiff and standoffish at first are usually the ones that turn out to be rock-steady and solid once they decide to commit.

Lily and Tom seem to be this season's Courtney and Jason, and they're really cute together, but I predict an early flameout.

Edited August 10, 2016 by Marsupial
spelling

[Marsupial]

Quote

WTF, dude, is he seriously totally unwilling to live anywhere besides a fucking bus? No wonder he was still single. If THIS is the hill he wants to die on, he will have a rough time in life.

BWAHAHA, really!! I mean, keep the bus, but most women want to live in a normal house. Actually, "unconventional living arrangement" should have been one of the compatibility questions. Some women would be totally OK with the bus but I don't think Liliian is one of them.

[humbleopinion]

Between the sexologist and the producers driving the stories still figuring what are real behaviors of the couples in this episode.

Lily and Tom thought they would get paid a dollar for every kiss so the over-the-top smooch fest.

Deed will get done first chance they get in Jamaica.

Maybe they think they will get a dollar every time they do that too.

Heather had Resting Shade Face when she was vetting her husband for foibles and nasty habits, poor Derek sitting in the hot seat.

Heather is liking him less and less.

Heather is like Mr. Darcy... "My good opinion once lost, is lost forever."

Hopefully, Derek can rally like Elizabeth Bennett. Very doubtful.

Sonia looks (eyes pleading) and sounds(quivering and strained) like she is barely keeping it together during the sexologist's pre honeymoon session.

Nick's sense of humor is subtle and arid dry, explaining Sonia's blank looks at him when he makes comments meant to make her laugh.

He needs to let her know that he is on her side.

Edited August 11, 2016 by humbleopinion
more nonsense

[Paddywagon]

I just hope at least ONE couple works out...two would be better.* We seriously need new life in 'The First Year' show (which I stopped watching because it became a scripted mess of fake producer-driven drama).

*I'm not even gonna bother hoping for three to make it because we all know that's way too much to hope for.

Edited August 11, 2016 by Paddywagon

[ctbabe]

19 minutes ago, Paddywagon said:

I just hope at least ONE couple works out...two would be better.* We seriously need new life in 'The First Year' show (which I stopped watching because it became a scripted mess of fake producer-driven drama).

*I'm not even gonna bother hoping for three to make it because we all know that's way too much to hope for.

I was hoping for 3 couples too but after the last 30mins of last night's show, I won't hold my breath 

[Lion18]

9 hours ago, ctbabe said:

I think she is trying to portray the good girl image. Bad girl turned good. From the preview, I think Derek might have hurt her with his words during the fight and that made her flee. 

I am tired of these mafs people that run at the first sight of trouble. I don't think they know what marriage is. If there is a problem, you have to communicate and fix it. You don't just run away. If she left him after that fight, she probably did him a favor. Why stay married to someone who would leave if there is a problem? 

From what I see of Derek. He seems sincere. He does have a bit of a " bad boy" vibe which is probably why I think he's attractive. I love his hair, little facial hair, cute body and Love the tatts! I live about 1/2 hour from Derek!  Too bad I'm almost his moms age but I do like men that are younger than me  lol

however, if he truly is a gambler, substance user or cigarette smoker I would have a problem

each season they pick one or two who have severe relationship issues

[PityFree]

As far as Tom's bus goes,  has anyone else heard the saying "the cobblers children have no shoes"? That's what's going on: cobbler's children's syndrome. 

[Snarklepuss]

I dated a pot smoker in college.  He told me he was an "occasional" smoker too.  In front of me he only smoked weed once in a while but after a while he couldn't hide the extent of it from me anymore and it eventually was one of the major reasons I broke up with him.  The strange thing is that Derek reminds me of him, seriously!  Something about the squinty eyes goes beyond genetics....Mr. Snarkle says "There are no 'occasional' smokers".  Well I have known a few, but Derek doesn't strike me as the type.

Heather seems like a controlling type.  She would need to be paired with a pussycat similar to Jason, but Derek is not that guy.  When he's not stoned he's no pushover, I'm sure of that.  Both he and Heather seem to have a lot of past behind them.  They both seem very sophisticated.  She is only 32 and the way she acts you would think she was 45 and divorced with 2 kids.  That much baggage already?  As much as I want to like Derek I am sure he has warmed a lot of beds in his time.  He seems like the type not to have settled down because he was having too much fun being single.  Not that he couldn't have changed - It's too soon to tell.  So far he seems in earnest about it, so for now I'm keeping the faith on him.  Too bad I think Heather is going to back out.

Of all the men Nick would be the type I'd go for - introverted, deep, needing to be drawn out.  Sonia, being a social worker has a similar temperament to me so I am identifying with her a bit.  I'm hoping her insecurity and awkwardness is more a function of nerves than dysfunction.  At this point either she will get over it or it might ruin things between them if she acts too needy and cries a lot.  I can identify with it, though.  If I just married a stranger I'd probably be a little self conscious and near tears with stress, especially if I did it on TV.  So I am hoping it will pass as they get to know each other better.  And most of all, Nick is still mostly an unknown at this time.  I am seriously hoping he turns out to be a great guy.

I think Sonia's upturn at the end of every sentence is a cultural thing.  I have known people before who speak like that who share her background.  One of them was a lawyer and he actually wrote that way - He put question marks at the end of statements!

If Tom is THAT married to this fantasy "lifestyle" of bus/beach living that he's worried he may lose Lily over it, then I'm sorry but he's not ready for marriage.  Dude wants to live like an overgrown adolescent for the rest of his life.  Mr. Snarkle freeze framed his "bus" and it looked like it was parked in someone's house yard.  Could that be his mother's house and this whole yarn about his "lifestyle" is a cover for the fact that he never really left home???  Geez, this is starting to sound like "basement Ryan" all over again.  The spin they put on him made him look like he was living there to take care of his mother and niece, meanwhile it was no mission of mercy, but probably just that he never left home.

[seasick]

I'm pretty sure he said the bus is in an RV park.  It does look like one.  They have little outdoor 'yards'.  Esp. the ones in the south that have year-round residents.  For many an RV is their second home or vacation home. I know people who keep theirs in a park in the Keys year 'round and go there in the winter.  For some (including Tom) it's their only home.

[Snarklepuss]

I just think Tom is hiding something with that trailer story.  Like maybe he was living at home and he already had the trailer so the show made him decide to live in it full time to look independent.  Plus, I think it's helping him cover the fact that he's either poor or cheap or both.  That BS about being "materialistic" seems to me to be a way to rationalize being either a cheapskate or living on a tight budget - or even basically living with your mother into your 30s because of the above.

Edited August 11, 2016 by Snarklepuss

[TwirlyGirly]

20 hours ago, Pepper Mostly said:

<snip> People tend to be pretty sharply divided on toothpaste tube squeezing, I wouldn't think anyone who felt strongly one way or the other had OCD, any more than I'd think someone who felt strongly about which way the toilet paper should be placed on the roller. <snip>

The proper way is with the free edge in the front; but if you have cats that are into crafts (unrolling an entire roll of bathroom tissue onto the floor and then proceeding to turn it into doilies with their claws), then you hang it backwards; because hung that way they cannot unroll it.

Edited August 11, 2016 by TwirlyGirly

[seasick]

2 hours ago, Snarklepuss said:

I just think Tom is hiding something with that trailer story.  Like maybe he was living at home and he already had the trailer so the show made him decide to live in it full time to look independent.  Plus, I think it's helping him cover the fact that he's either poor or cheap or both.  That BS about being "materialistic" seems to me to be a way to rationalize being either a cheapskate or living on a tight budget - or even basically living with your mother into your 30s because of the above.

Call me a left-over hippie but I don't think the whole scene is that suspicious.   It's not much different than living in an RV but an RV that size would have been ridiculously expensive--even used.  So he gets the bus for a few grand.  He's also paying lot rent.  I'd guess that's easily $800 mo. and probably more..an overnght in an RV park is about $40-60.--but permanent or monthly  rentals are less of course.  But it's no free ride by any means. 

He's a tinker-er.  It gives him something to do that he enjoys and although it's not deluxe inside, it will have value.  For him it's better than knocking around some apartment or condo with a room-mate, and a house--even a handy-man special would be out of range.    He's only 28.  And doing stuff like that is just cool.  

  In 'my day' he would have been the envy of all his peers.  But nowadays--and esp. in Miami and L.A it's become about hot cars  and designer stuff, and fast money.  You gotta-wanna be rich or look rich.  He's not in that scene but I don't think it's an excuse for lack of ambition. Those things just aren't fulfilling to him.  I totally get it.   

Hard to say about being 'cheap' or 'poor'  I think he's trying to do his own business so I don't think he's rolling in $$  But he's not going for a 9-5 so he can have a a car lease for a BMW to ride thru South Beach with.  At 28 it's time to be a bit crazy and adventurous.  Apparently he is educated and could do other things, but he's not a suit and tie type.  

I think his lifestyle is an odd choice for a match--but not for the "show".(drama)  In the  context of a 'conventional 'marriage" show he certainly doesn't fit in.  That place is pretty much a 'bachelor pad" so it doesn't say (traditional) marriage.  But at Lily's age (24) I would have been into it totally into it.  I'm hoping Lily is in no rush to have kids and spend a few years being an adventurous fun couple -and maybe being able to save some money-to travel or to eventually buy a house or buy a big boat and sail around the Caribbean!  (more fun than mowing the lawn on Saturdays and putting together Ikea furniture. )   I'm all in for this match up!!

[BunnySlippers]

Tom is only 28? He looks more like 40 to me. Maybe thirty-something. I didn't know he was that young.

My one problem with the bus is that I wouldn't feel very secure in it. I don't know, I'd just feel more secure in a house.

[seasick]

9 minutes ago, BunnySlippers said:

Tom is only 28? He looks more like 40 to me. Maybe thirty-something. I didn't know he was that young.

My one problem with the bus is that I wouldn't feel very secure in it. I don't know, I'd just feel more secure in a house.

I get that.  But for adventurous people 'safe and secure" is not a priority.

[humbleopinion]

You put as much lipstick as you can on that pig or in Tom's case,  a "luxury" bus, it is still a bus.

Tom needs to slap on much, much more lipstick on his pet project to bring it up to a place he can bring a new bride to... opps!... too late.

Tom uses the bus and his lifestyle as his get-out-of-jail-free card.

Took a whole year for him to drive the last gf out of the bus but he is a patient man and will wait it out.

No rush to fix the bus up nice when it is your ace in the hole to wiggle out of any relationship.

Don't be disingenuous to Lily and break her heart, we see through your bull shit.

[Evil Queen]

9 hours ago, seasick said:

I'm pretty sure he said the bus is in an RV park.  It does look like one.  They have little outdoor 'yards'.  Esp. the ones in the south that have year-round residents.  For many an RV is their second home or vacation home. I know people who keep theirs in a park in the Keys year 'round and go there in the winter.  For some (including Tom) it's their only home.

4 hours ago, Snarklepuss said:

I just think Tom is hiding something with that trailer story.  Like maybe he was living at home and he already had the trailer so the show made him decide to live in it full time to look independent.  Plus, I think it's helping him cover the fact that he's either poor or cheap or both.  That BS about being "materialistic" seems to me to be a way to rationalize being either a cheapskate or living on a tight budget - or even basically living with your mother into your 30s because of the above.

My husband had an Aunt that had one up in Pismo Beach out our way. She sold it many years ago but it was used for vacations. But I think Snarklepuss could be on to something. Either he is cheap or doesn't make a lot of money. As far as we know what he is saying his job is could be a fancy title for just being the low man on the totem pole that helps build whatever he is told to. Sort of like a construction job but his is on yachts. Not that he designs them. Even if he lives on the bus at his mom's, it wouldn't surprise me since it seems many with even those tiny houses seem to live on parents' property. Plus for someone like Tom, who wants to be surfing more than anything, I could see it this way. 

3 hours ago, TwirlyGirly said:

The proper way is with the free edge in the front; but if you have cats that are into crafts (unrolling an entire roll of bathroom tissue onto the floor and then proceeding to turn it into doilies with their claws), then you hang it backwards; because hung that way they cannot unroll it.

LMAO....love it

 

8 minutes ago, seasick said:

Call me a left-over hippie but I don't think the whole scene is that suspicious.   It's not much different than living in an RV but an RV that size would have been ridiculously expensive--even used.  So he gets the bus for a few grand.  He's also paying lot rent.  I'd guess that's easily $800 mo. and probably more..an overnght in an RV park is about $40-60.--but permanent or monthly  rentals are less of course.  But it's no free ride by any means. 

He's a tinker-er.  It gives him something to do that he enjoys and although it's not deluxe inside, it will have value.  For him it's better than knocking around some apartment or condo with a room-mate, and a house--even a handy-man special would be out of range.    He's only 28.  And doing stuff like that is just cool.  

  In 'my day' he would have been the envy of all his peers.  But nowadays--and esp. in Miami and L.A it's become about hot cars  and designer stuff, and fast money.  You gotta-wanna be rich or look rich.  He's not in that scene but I don't think it's an excuse for lack of ambition. Those things just aren't fulfilling to him.  I totally get it.   

Hard to say about being 'cheap' or 'poor'  I think he's trying to do his own business so I don't think he's rolling in $$  But he's not going for a 9-5 so he can have a a car lease for a BMW to ride thru South Beach with.  At 28 it's time to be a bit crazy and adventurous.  Apparently he is educated and could do other things, but he's not a suit and tie type.  

I think his lifestyle is an odd choice for a match--but not for the "show".(drama)  In the  context of a 'conventional 'marriage" show he certainly doesn't fit in.  That place is pretty much a 'bachelor pad" so it doesn't say (traditional) marriage.  But at Lily's age (24) I would have been into it totally into it.  I'm hoping Lily is in no rush to have kids and spend a few years being an adventurous fun couple -and maybe being able to save some money-to travel or to eventually buy a house or buy a big boat and sail around the Caribbean!  (more fun than mowing the lawn on Saturdays and putting together Ikea furniture. )   I'm all in for this match up!!

He claims he has been working on this thing for 2 yrs but there wasn't much going on with it and how it looked. I think the dude just wants to be surfer and doing nothing else. On my coast, we have a guy that is like that around here. He parks his small truck near the post office after his morning surf and begs for money. Guy has like 4 boards attached to his truck. Not saying Tom is that way but he has made it clear that surfing is his life and everything to him. I can see him working as little as he has to so he makes just enough to eat off of/pay whatever but if given the choice he would rather be in the water. 

  Oh btw, when I was younger, I did date a surfer dude. He was cute with his long brown hair and a nice enough guy. He lived in a small camper/rv type thing in Malibu. He wasn't someone that I would have ever thought of as marriage material but I wasn't looking for that at that age. There was no way I would have wanted to live in that thing. It was nice enough and all but so not for me....even in my early 20s....an same all these years later at my age now. LOL Its just one of those things that are for some folks and not for others. Which is fine. In the show's case they should have found a woman that lived similar to Tom....which we know they never would do since it wouldn't create drama.

  One thing I will say about LA is that most people do not have hot cars, money, designer things or look rich. When you look at Los Angeles/Orange County areas and just LA alone its a huge place. A lot of those cities are far from what most people thing. Same with many in the OC. Sure there are the rich areas but you won't see those people driving through most parts of the valley or LA and they would certainly stay out of some areas in the OC. Where I live its a mix of all kinds. Those with the money live closer to the shore, other side of town or this little hill area not far from us. The rest of us are all ruin of the mill average folks. Heck we rarely see some flashy car or person. LOL Maybe Miami is different in that respect. I have no clue because its not a place I've been or will go to. LA side though is where I was born, raised and lived all my life. The only places you will find what you are talking about is where celebs live or the super rich who like that stuff. LOL Otherwise most have cars that will get them around and could care less if they looked a certain way or not.

And agree with BunnySlippers, he so does not look 28. He looks to be more late 30s/early 40s but it shows you what spending so much time in the sun does to you. Seen it out here too with men and women that worship being in the sun/surf. 

[Liberty]

Tom is angling for his own reality series, "Luxury Bus Nation" or a sitcom "My Wife the Bus".

Heather is sharing her expertise in undermining relationships with us.  She smoothly revealed how she will take Derek's definition of "occasional" and save it for future use.

[izabella]

14 hours ago, PityFree said:

As far as Tom's bus goes,  has anyone else heard the saying "the cobblers children have no shoes"? That's what's going on: cobbler's children's syndrome. 

True!  A luxury yacht interior builder and a real estate agent living in an old partially reno'd bus, lol.

But the real reason they have no shoes is there isn't enough storage space on the the bus!

[zxy556575]

Heather isn't attracted to Derek and has already basically shut down to wait out the six weeks. She's shrewd enough to know not to have a public meltdown or bash him in her talking heads, but it's not difficult to read her frosty, disintrested politeness.

[Jack Sampson]

If Tom had lived in the bus for 6 months while he refurbed it and sold it for enough money to buy a house or "luxury" apartment, no one would raise an eyebrow.  Hell, he could even turn that into a nice business - or at least a side hustle. 

Instead, it's 2 years and he's not even close to being finished.  Makes me think he's just not a motivated guy.  I can't see him having the energy for a family.

23 minutes ago, lordonia said:

Heather isn't attracted to Derek and has already basically shut down to wait out the six weeks. She's shrewd enough to know not to have a public meltdown or bash him in her talking heads, but it's not difficult to read her frosty, disintrested politeness.

Heather isn't going to be attracted to anyone who's nice to her.

[izabella]

41 minutes ago, Jack Sampson said:

Heather isn't going to be attracted to anyone who's nice to her.

This. 

"I've never dated anyone who is nice to me!"

"He's so different from anyone I've ever dated!"

That's because she is still in the mindframe of only being attracted to people who will screw her over.   That's a sign of having intimacy issues.  Until she gets over that, the decent guys that she could possibly settle down with won't seem at all attractive to her.

[Empress1]

Tom does look older than 28. I kept thinking he was 35 but no, that's Derek. They definitely look like contemporaries.

37 minutes ago, izabella said:

This. 

"I've never dated anyone who is nice to me!"

"He's so different from anyone I've ever dated!"

That's because she is still in the mindframe of only being attracted to people who will screw her over.   That's a sign of having intimacy issues.  Until she gets over that, the decent guys that she could possibly settle down with won't seem at all attractive to her.

I think she is at the point where she recognizes intellectually that a good, decent guy is what she should be going for, but she's still attracted to "bad boys," or thinks nice guys are boring. There's something about her that gives me that vibe.