The Shows of 2014: Because They've Been Pureed in a Blender

[cooksdelight]

That horrid episode with the vegan chef who literally had the check written for him before they even got started is on now. One of my least-favorite of all time. Second only to anything with Lauren van der Pool in it.

[magenta]

They need Sarah mcglaclan (sp) slepping for bees now. Who knew?

[blubld43]

I am thrilled that Michael I. won. He was so calm while he was cooking, and I loved that he said that cooking could be a form of meditation.

 

Love this guy and who knew he could cook??

He is such the polar opposite of his "Sopranos" character, makes him that much more interesting.

[backformore]

The latest show, ballpark chefs, started out pretty good. But then we get "I'm competing because I was bullied as a kid for being fat" (me: really, dude? You're 50. Move on, or get in shape).

Next chef, " my mom was my inspiration, she died two weeks ago"

Cut the sob stories and COOK, Damn it!

[caci]

I can't even watch Chopped anymore because it's all gimmicks and shit now. I wish they'd bring back - and stick with - the original format. 4 chefs, 3 rounds...1 winner. How hard is that?! Maybe occasionally a Champions miniseries. But I don't give a shit about celebrities, "special servicemen", moms, dads, teens, amputees, or any other group in the Chopped kitchen. I just want to watch chefs!

I don't mind the special chefs or themes - they keep things interesting.  I just wish they would stop with the sob stories, every single one of them.  No more poor upbringings, sick or dead relatives or special causes. Not one contestent should be allowed to say that they want to prove to their family the worthiness of becoming a chef.  Good Lord, do I hate that one!  If they haven't proved it by now, winning (or losing) Chopped isn't going to make any difference.  Bring in the special chefs, but just put the ingrediants in front of them and let them cook!   

[cooksdelight]

Somebody needs to steal the soundtrack for the sob stories so they can't use it anymore.

[cooksdelight]

There is one coming up next Tuesday night at 10. I had to juggle my VCR settings in order to get a lot of the stuff recorded at the same time slot. It's called "Mummies and Gummies."

[backformore]

Not one contestent should be allowed to say that they want to prove to their family the worthiness of becoming a chef.  Good Lord, do I hate that one!

 

Right.  I never got that one.   It's like "CHEF"  is some noble, but tragically mis-understood profession. 

It's a normal job.   Do the account managers, financial analysts, sales managers, counselors, forklift operators, etc,  have to "prove" to their families that they are good enough at their jobs?  Is there some horrible stigma attached to cooking that parents hang their heads in shame when they say their kid wants to be a chef?  

It's ridiculous. 

[NikSac]

Yes thanks Cooksdelight, and thanks Chattygal for asking!  I don't know what the heck happened to my DVR but it's like Chopped just disappeared. I thought they were just taking a temporary break or something. I should have known better. I'll have to <gasp> try the whole manual programming thing.

[Julia]

Right.  I never got that one.   It's like "CHEF"  is some noble, but tragically mis-understood profession. 

It's a normal job.   Do the account managers, financial analysts, sales managers, counselors, forklift operators, etc,  have to "prove" to their families that they are good enough at their jobs?  Is there some horrible stigma attached to cooking that parents hang their heads in shame when they say their kid wants to be a chef?  

It's ridiculous.

Yeah, kinda. For all that there's a small group of celebrities now, it's a physically grueling job with notoriously bad working conditions where, unless you get a chain or hotel job, you're unlikely to get decent benefits and the pay sucks. The ones who bring up proving something seem to be the ones who chose to go into it after college, which, you know, speaking as a parent, if you want to chase your bliss, do it before I put the price of a house into your four year vacation or you rack up an equal amount of debt you can't pay.

[nitrofishblue]

Somebody needs to steal the soundtrack for the sob stories so they can't use it anymore.

I solved the problem by turning off the volume during the show. I turn it on low during the tasting part so I get very little sob sob. You don't need the volume to follow what happens.

[MajorWoody]

I'm waiting for some sad sack contestant to quote the lyrics from one of the saddest songs known to man:

Seeds and Stems Again

I'm sittin alone, Saturday night, watching the Late Late Show

A bottle of wine, some cigarettes, I got no place to go

Well, I saw your other man today, he was wearing my brand new shoes

And I'm down to seeds and stems again, too

Well, I met my old friend Bob today from up in Bowling Green

He had the prettiest little gal that I'd ever seen

But I couldn't hide my tears at all 'cause she looked just like you

And I'm down to seeds and stems again, too

Now everybody tells me there's other ways to get high

They don't seem to understand, I'm too far gone to try

Now these lonely memories, they're all I can't lose

And I'm down to seeds and stems again, too

Well, my dog died just yesterday and left me all alone

The finance company dropped by today and repossessed my home

That's just a drop in the bucket compared to losing you

And I'm down to seeds and stems again, too

Now that is a contestant I can get behind!

[Julia]

How about "I've put a lot of work into learning my craft, so it would make me feel good to win against opponents with strong skills." Or, maybe, "I make $36k/yr in hourly wages with no medical insurance for grueling twelve hours days, so it would be nice to have a few thousand bucks in the bank so I won't end up on the street if I get sick and miss a paycheck."

[MajorWoody]

After reading all these posts regarding the obligatory sob story on Chopped, I came up with an idea:

Change the scoring system to make it 30% presentation, 30% taste, 30% transformation, and finally, 10% based on the strength of the sob story. A good tearjerker might make or break a close contest, if the contestant can come up with enough gloom and misery to outdo the other contestants.

[xaxat]

You know what I'd like to see? An interpretive dance element! Something like the Dance Your PhD Contest.

[picklesprite]

hahaha! I do love these ideas. Personally, I would love to see the contestants break out into a tap dance routine, in their chef outfits, of course.

 

I had a brief vision of the judges rapping their opinions, but it made me cringe, so. . .no.

[rujasu]

I had a brief vision of the judges rapping their opinions, but it made me cringe, so. . .no.

 

I'm guessing they tried this, but had to ditch the idea after Scott Conant's verse on raw onions was deemed "unsuitable for family audiences."

[picklesprite]

 

I'm guessing they tried this, but had to ditch the idea after Scott Conant's verse on raw onions was deemed "unsuitable for family audiences."

Ha! Especially the line about undercooked pasta.

[Bastet]

In Cool, Calm and Perfected, did I really just hear someone say she cured herself of a variety of illnesses by eating "an inordinate amount of avocados"?

 

This episode has been on for five minutes, and maybe two percent of what I've heard so far is about the contestants' professional lives; the rest is about illnesses. 

 

I think I'll watch an episode of The Golden Girls for the umpteenth time instead.

[mlp]

In Cool, Calm and Perfected, did I really just hear someone say she cured herself of a variety of illnesses by eating "an inordinate amount of avocados"?

 

 

You forgot the part about the camel's milk.  That woman was one of the more annoying contestants ever IMO.  I assume that the movie stars she works for gave her permission to use their names and pictures but I can't begin to imagine why anyone who can afford a private chef would want someone like that around.  I'd pay her to go away.

 

The new episode tonight was entertaining.  TJ was so OTT that she cracked me up.  I liked her but I was happy that the young man won.  I agreed with the judges all the way through for a change.

[Bastet]

You forgot the part about the camel's milk.

 

Is that what she said after avocados?  I couldn't understand her.  I wound up watching the episode in bits and pieces (during GG commercials), and in every snippet of her I caught she was just too much.  

[mlp]

Avocados and camel's milk apparently can cure carbon monoxide poisoning and an assortment of other unrelated maladies.  Who knew?

[NikSac]

I think it's probably the potassium... but still, seems kind of out there!

[Bastet]

I thought I had heard every stupid reason for competing, but "I'm looking for a man" achieved a new low.  That it was likely - or perhaps I just hope - a manufactured plot rather than a genuine motivation is not a mitigating factor; I have such a low tolerance for storylines on reality TV, I don't care whether the contestant or producers came up with it.

[Minerette]

I thought I had heard every stupid reason for competing, but "I'm looking for a man" achieved a new low.  That it was likely - or perhaps I just hope - a manufactured plot rather than a genuine motivation is not a mitigating factor; I have such a low tolerance for storylines on reality TV, I don't care whether the contestant or producers came up with it.

I kind of felt sorry for Ah-ROHN, since of the four men there, he was the only straight one.  :)

[DownTheShore]

I was so glad the avocado/carbon monoxide woman got the boot, especially after the crisis of the cut finger and the ticking electric starter on the gas stove.  She was making me nervous just by watching her jittering around.  And what kind of chef/cook has never worked with a canned product or salami?  Heck, I don't eat salami but I've made sandwiches of it for others.

Edited October 15, 2014 by DownTheShore

[NikSac]

I thought I had heard every stupid reason for competing, but "I'm looking for a man" achieved a new low.  That it was likely - or perhaps I just hope - a manufactured plot rather than a genuine motivation is not a mitigating factor; I have such a low tolerance for storylines on reality TV, I don't care whether the contestant or producers came up with it.

 

How funny - I was actually applauding her for her honesty even though she was mostly really irritating. (if it was true of course)  She cracked me up.

[GaT]

I thought I had heard every stupid reason for competing, but "I'm looking for a man" achieved a new low.  That it was likely - or perhaps I just hope - a manufactured plot rather than a genuine motivation is not a mitigating factor; I have such a low tolerance for storylines on reality TV, I don't care whether the contestant or producers came up with it.

I didn't understand how competing on Chopped was going to get her a man, was she thinking one of the other contestants? the judges? the crew? some random guy who would be impressed she was on chopped?

[NikSac]

I didn't understand how competing on Chopped was going to get her a man, was she thinking one of the other contestants? the judges? the crew? some random guy who would be impressed she was on chopped?

 

I think she was going for the random guy excited about her competing.

[Bella]

Maybe it was a goof - she didn't have an illness or sob story, so she manufactured that in order to mock the show, except it was too subtle.

[xaxat]

Halloween. A fun holiday! Kids, costumes, candy! And tales about being homeless, drug addiction and family issues with sexual orientation!

[Rammchick]

Delusions of grandeur. She thought that someone would take one look at her on TV and fall madly in love. Poor thing watches too many romcoms starring Jennifer Aniston.

[CaptainCranky]

I just watched the Halloween show. What a pile of crap. These sob stories are getting old real fast.

[caci]

I am so glad the vegan lady was booted early from the Halloween episode.  Was she trying to break a record for how many times she could say penis on air?  She just had to go!  The date lady was annoying and interesting at the same time.  She had a sob story - single mother, laid off from work - but I got the impression she didn't really want to dwell on that.  Kind of over and done with, so she made jokes about finding a man.  I highly doubt she really thought she would find one, it was just a joke.  I did laugh when she told Ted to go away.  There can't be anything more annoying to you than to have someone ask questions while you are trying to concentrate.

 

The winner annoyed me at first, a little too in your face.  I appreciated, though, how he got down to business and cooked.  He just quietly went about the job.  I'm glad he won, although either one of the finalists winning would have been fine with me.

[cattykit]

I'm not getting the "I'm playing for single mothers" crap.  I'm a single mother--so if she'd have won, she'd have given me some of the money?  Are single mothers handicapped in their ability to cook?  And when that didn't fly, she pulled out the "I was homeless six years ago" trope. 

 

Vegetarian chef did not need to be graphic in her description of her more flamboyant cakes.  I didn't need the visual and people watching with their kids didn't either.

 

I think I can count on one hand the number of cheftestants who are honest enough to realize their sob stories (and I'm sure none of them has led a charmed life...everyone has at least one sad tale!) have nothing to do with their ability to cook or how their food should be judged, and simply state that they either want the money or that they enjoy the idea of competition.  Period.  But I blame that on the dictates of Kermit and Medusa at the network.  Everyone must have a personal story.

 

And how come Ted sometimes interrupts the cheftestants while they are cooking, while on other episodes, he does not?  When they get dinged for being one second late in their plating, I can see where they don't want to have to break their concentration to answer questions to which the answers will soon become completely obvious.

 

Chopped contestants are showing up everywhere now, it seems.  There's one on the new season of Top Chef, and I just saw one on Beat Bobby Flay.  Neither of which takes any stock in sob stories.  Can you imagine the face on Tom Colicchio if he had to listen some of this crap?

[Bella]

 

Can you imagine the face on Tom Colicchio if he had to listen some of this crap?

 

I can even hear him say "and what does that have to do with your cooking?"* or "well, you still have to feed a trio of seafood appetizers to 300 guests" or something like that. 

 

*That may be more of a Padma statement, come to think of it. Said in a voice dripping with disdain, of course.

[Maverick]

I can even hear him say "and what does that have to do with your cooking?"* or "well, you still have to feed a trio of seafood appetizers to 300 guests" or something like that. 

 

*That may be more of a Padma statement, come to think of it. Said in a voice dripping with disdain, of course.

 

 Now there's an idea....have Tom, Padma and Gail come in and judge an episode of Chopped.  They could have a reunion with Ted and ask him:  "You left for this shit?"

[cooksdelight]

I'd have a hard time telling Tom I was playing for my cat. Gail would understand, Padma might look at me as if I were nuts.

Well, the jury's still out on that....

[Julia]

Padma might look at me as if I were nuts.

 

I think that would depend on what point in her personal herbal journey she was at.

[DownTheShore]

"Chopped" is beginning to remind me of that TV show that was on when I was a kid called "Queen For A Day" (no innuendo intended).  From Wiki:

 

 

Using the classic applause meter, as did many game and hit-parade style shows of the time, Queen for a Day had its own special twist: each contestant had to talk publicly about the recent financial and emotional hard times she had been through...

 

Bailey began each interview gently, asking the contestant first about her life and family, and maintaining a positive and upbeat response no matter what she told him. For instance, when a woman said she had a crippled child, he would ask if her second child was "Okay." On learning that the second child was not crippled, he might say, "Well, that's good, you have one healthy child."

 

The interview would climax with Bailey asking the contestant what she needed most and why she wanted to win the title of Queen for a Day. Often the request was for medical care or therapeutic equipment to help a chronically ill child, but sometimes it was as simple as the need for a hearing aid, a new washing machine, or a refrigerator. Many women broke down sobbing as they described their plights, and Bailey was always quick to comfort them and offer a clean white handkerchief to dry their eyes.

 

The harsher the circumstances under which the contestant labored, the likelier the studio audience was to ring the applause meter's highest level. The winner, to the musical accompaniment of "Pomp and Circumstance", would be draped in a sable-trimmed red velvet robe, given a glittering jeweled crown to wear, placed on a velvet-upholstered throne, and handed a dozen long-stemmed roses to hold as she wept, often uncontrollably, while her list of prizes was announced.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queen_for_a_Day

[cooksdelight]

If Ted starts passing out crowns, I'm out. :)

[backformore]

@Downtheshore, we must be the same age. I remember Queen for a day. Women in flowered dresses and pearls, (think June Cleaver, Aunt Bee) talking about their problems, and the winner would get all choked up about winning a kitchen appliance. That's what I remember about it, it was sponsored by an appliance company and they won washers, dryers, refrigerators. The concept was that these poor suffering housewives never got any appreciation, so the show would treat one of them like she was Miss America. Crown, robe flowers, here's a stove, now go on home and COOK for your husband.

The losers had to go home and cook on their old stoves.

It really is what Chopped is turning into.

[cooksdelight]

"There's really no getting around the sweetness of that rat." -- Aaron's best line, ever.

[Rammchick]

Yesterday's episode could've been subtitled, "Which Chef Did Least Worst?"  It's been a long time since we've seen contestants do that poorly, overall.  And I seriously wished I could've reached through the screen and tweaked that guy's moustache.  All he needed was an old-timey policeman's uniform and he would've been perfect for a Keystone Cops remake.  Santos was not on board one bit when he said he was there to have fun, however.

Edited October 22, 2014 by Rammchick

[rujasu]

Yeah, it's not often that the judges directly say things like, "they were both bad" etc.  At the end, I remember mentioning that the winner would have been chopped at some point before the dessert round on a typical episode.

[cooksdelight]

I'm in Lauen van der Pool hell.

[Jezebel97]

I'm in Lauen van der Pool hell.

Finally caught the Waste Not episode

Wow what a piece of stank ass shit!

Can't beleive that Von Der Pool is one of the chefs for First Lady Michelle Obama’s obesity prevention campaign.

So glad that Sarah won

[EllieH]

 

I thought I had heard every stupid reason for competing, but "I'm looking for a man" achieved a new low.  That it was likely - or perhaps I just hope - a manufactured plot rather than a genuine motivation is not a mitigating factor; I have such a low tolerance for storylines on reality TV, I don't care whether the contestant or producers came up with it.

 

How funny - I was actually applauding her for her honesty even though she was mostly really irritating. (if it was true of course)  She cracked me up.

 

 

 

Catching up on past episodes... I thought this was funny too, and thinking I could make it my "thing" if I was to ever go on Chopped (better than "I'm playing for my dead Grandma" at least?).

[40Love]

Finally caught the Waste Not episode

Wow what a piece of stank ass shit!

Can't beleive that Von Der Pool is one of the chefs for First Lady Michelle Obama’s obesity prevention campaign.

So glad that Sarah won

Is Von Der Pool the chef who desperately wants her own show on the Food Network... because she wants to be famous and really, really needs a lot of attention? I refused to remember her name. If it's the same lady, I didn't like her or her blind ambition to bring a "great personality" to the network.

Edited October 31, 2014 by 40Love

[cooksdelight]

She didn't come right out and say that, but yeah, she was definitely auditioning.

The one who said she wants to be on FN was the sort of heavy-set woman on the all-women competition this week. She went out after the dessert round. Her restaurant where she's a pastry chef (I think?) has good Yelp reviews. The dark-haired woman who won was so quiet and efficient, I was glad she won. Pastry Chef who wants to be on FN was one of those who thought she was entitled to win, I thought.