S08.E19: Reunion Part 2

[Queena]

Given we have seen hours and hours of footage with Porsha not having a dick in her mouth, in fact I don't think a sex tape has leaked so we havent seen any footage of her with a dick in her mouth, I don't see how it could be a true statement. Both are crass and over the line. One is slut shaming and one is transphobic.

It was most definitely Porsha.

Very, very, true. Although, I kind of disagree with the slut shaming part. Then again, I've always felt that sluts, rather male or female, should be shamed.

Given we have seen hours and hours of footage with Porsha not having a dick in her mouth, in fact I don't think a sex tape has leaked so we havent seen any footage of her with a dick in her mouth, I don't see how it could be a true statement. Both are crass and over the line. One is slut shaming and one is transphobic.

It was most definitely Porsha.

Very, very, true. Although, I kind of disagree with the slut shaming part. Then again, I've always felt that sluts, rather male or female, should be shamed.

Given we have seen hours and hours of footage with Porsha not having a dick in her mouth, in fact I don't think a sex tape has leaked so we havent seen any footage of her with a dick in her mouth, I don't see how it could be a true statement. Both are crass and over the line. One is slut shaming and one is transphobic.

It was most definitely Porsha.

Very, very, true. Although, I kind of disagree with the slut shaming part. Then again, I've always felt that sluts, rather male or female, should be shamed.

[Yours Truly]

You can also tell Kandi doesn't like confrontation because when she has to say something to someone that's of a personal and serious nature, her voice gets shaky and it sounds like he's trying to fight the urge to cry. It's uncomfortable for her and while that is something she should work on, her behavior has always been consistent. She may not want to reach out after a disagreement because she can't navigate the situation well, but she has never turned her friends away regardless of the circumstances. Phaedra's behavior is also consistent - she didn't reach out to Kandi during her pregnancy or hardships because she felt she was wronged and so she held a grudge, was bitter and threw shade at her friend every chance she got.

 

In the end, I'm more likely to say Phaedra is the shitty friend here. Kandi not handling confrontation or disagreements well does not change that her actions and words have always supported the notion that she comes from a good place with her friends. Phaedra cannot say the same thing.

This is how I see it too. Kandi didn't handle it well but Phaedra decided that the best course of action was to be nasty, talk shit, talk around it, not be direct about it with Kandi before making it public knowledge, and throw shade. Yeah, Kandi may have been "pushy" but Phaedra ran with that and dogged her and their friendship without a second thought. That's being a shitty friend. Just sayin'.

I agree. My comment could've been worded better, but I did state that I don't condone Glen's behavior on the trip. Still, I can see where he may have started to feel out of place with the housewives, because first Kenya was annoying, and then Kandi seemingly gave him the cold shoulder with her face. I wasn't trying to say that Glen was right to go off because Kandi gave him a bad look. Glen wasn't right to threaten Kenya, either. My whole point was that you can't predict how people are going to respond when you come at them sideways, so it's probably in your best interest not to come at people sideways if you don't want to find yourself in a position where you run across somebody with a short fuse. I understand your point about Glen overreacting, but to me it's like saying that I should expect good behavior from a criminal. That's not quite realistic, IMHO. I'm in control of my own behavior, not the other person - so in my opinion, to minimize the risk of getting my face broke, I choose not to pop off on people for fun and games.

THANK YOU!

[njbchlover]

Kandi comes from a crazy family situation and they´re all about enabling the nastiness and problems. We saw it all in how she handled Mama Joyce. Kandi had no loyalty to her husband then, I´ve seen her be more loyal to Apollo than Todd, but maybe that will change now that MJ has warmed up to Todd. Kandi has been conditioned from an early age to be an enabler of people who are trouble, and to not think of herself or what is good for her. She can´t see the logic in trying to protect little kids, like the way Phaedra has been doing for her children.

 

I hate the way Kandi has acted in this matter as much as I hate the way the women have been making excuses for the guy who was acting violent towards Kenya. I´m not sure I want to watch this group anymore, they are fun in some ways (well not Kandi, I´m bored with her and she´s fallen way down from the place I held for her when she first started) but so dark and weird in others.

 

I totally hope that Phaedra sticks to her guns and never allows Apollo to see those boys while he is in prison. I think it´s just the morally right thing to do, I think the kids should have more rights than a really bad father who didn´t seem to give a damn about those boys while he was free. I also think Phaedra owns Kenya an apology for accusing her of stuff she didn´t do. That´s all Apollo´s fault too and she should admit that. Kenya is crazy, annoying and awful, but she doesn´t deserve any violence or to have lies told about her.

 

And lastly, I haven´t been seeing a fun Kandi at the reunion at all. She´s been giving off the biggest bitch face, and sometimes it´s almost like she´s about to cry, from rage or unhappiness, I´m not sure what it is.

 

I think throughout most of the reunion, Kandi was thinking about that buffet that Craft Services had provided off-stage and was making faces from hunger.    ;-)   Just kidding - but I do think that Kandi was bored at the reunion, because she hadn't really been involved as much with the women this season and couldn't comment from a personal "been there" perspective.

 

I do think that when speaking about her friendship with Phaedra, Kandi was on the verge of crying.  You could hear her voice cracking several times and see her try to keep control of her emotions.

Edited March 29, 2016 by njbchlover

[selhars]

 

Kenya was raised by her dad's mother.  I think the contact with her mother came whenever her aunt Lori would let her come to their family gatherings.  They lived in the same city as her dad's mother.  She went to live with her dad in another state for a while (I think she said she was 12), but ran away back to his mother, who raised her from a baby.  I don't think she ever lived with aunt Lori, just visited.  And Kenya never speaks of her maternal grandmother so I'm not sure if she had any relationship with her either since it was maternal grandma and grandpa who were the reason her mother was so willing to give her away.  She did it to get back in their good graces.  I don't think they wanted to have anything to do with Kenya either since she was born out of wedlock.

 

Thanks.  

 

Kenya needs counseling. Period. Whoever said kenya likes to attack, and then try to cry victim and deflect when others response is absolutely correct. I'm sure we all know perfectly well that IF, Porsha or anyone else had said that "dick in mouth" comment or "on your back comment" -- Kenya would have cried wolf about the person denigrating women, or verbally attacking her, or whatever.

 

Kenya is a bitch, plain and simple. And people just need to tell her so. I don't care that she's damaged rom her up bring. She's 40-something years old. She'd tell other people to get over their childhood or get help. Yet she won't. Heifer. And to be honest I would KEEP hitting her below the belt about her mom. Because that's clearly the only thing that gets her attention. She wants to poke the hornets. Then the hornets would come out and run straight to her.

Edited March 29, 2016 by selhars

[Iguessnot]

Even at the reunion, Kandi was all ride and die for Apollo. You'd think he was a war prisoner with the way Kandi ached over him not having the fullest access to his sons. Kandi doesn't seem to have much of a problem with Apollo's actions so she doesn't have much of a problem with prisons. I don't think she can relate to Phaedra not wanting that lifestyle for her boys.

[cooksdelight]

But didn't Kandi say to Phaedra in this episode that the reason she was questioning Phaedra's decision to take the boys to prison was that Kandi didn't think Phaedra would want her sons growing up with Apollo as an example?? She was referring to the little one who doesn't know his father much at all.

[Aging Goth]

And knowing that your father is a two-time criminal is a GOOD thing?

Edited March 29, 2016 by Aging Goth

[ToukieSmith]

Friendship is a two-way street. I recently found out a longtime friend died back in November, I am just now hearing about it. I called, left messages, emailed. He would now and then, but he didn't stay in touch. One day, both Kandi and Phaedra will realize they equally need to stay in touch if they want the friendship to stay intact. Having Apollo in the mix didn't help matters. Kandi has more friends who she's close to than Phaedra does, and maybe Phaedra could take a page from Kandi's book on that subject.

 

My aunt died two summers ago of cancer; she never told my mother she was sick.  She and my mother were the best of friends, but she stopped talking to my mother the Fall before her death.  My mother never knew why my aunt stop speaking to her.  We learned of her death when my uncle, my Dad's brother, called the house on the 4th of July to tell my Dad.  My aunt was my uncle's second wife.  He was on to number 3 when his 2nd wife died.

 

This pisses me off to no end because my mom deserved to know whether there was a problem and given the opportunity to fix it.  She cannot fix it now and she does not know why there was a problem in the first place.  My mother was at the birth of all of my cousins and my aunt should have known that my mom would be the person to make sure all was well with those 3 knuckleheads once she passed.  When money was tight, it was my folks that drove across town to put a couple dollars in folks mailboxes.  I don't care if you have cancer, you need to straighten shit out with people instead of being passive aggressive.  If you going to end it, do it with class and decency.

 

Even at the reunion, Kandi was all ride and die for Apollo. You'd think he was a war prisoner with the way Kandi ached over him not having the fullest access to his sons. Kandi doesn't seem to have much of a problem with Apollo's actions so she doesn't have much of a problem with prisons. I don't think she can relate to Phaedra not wanting that lifestyle for her boys.

 

I think Kandi was advocating for Ayden and Dylan, not riding for Apollo.

[Iguessnot]

My aunt died two summers ago of cancer; she never told my mother she was sick.  She and my mother were the best of friends, but she stopped talking to my mother the Fall before her death.  My mother never knew why my aunt stop speaking to her.  We learned of her death when my uncle, my Dad's brother, called the house on the 4th of July to tell my Dad.  My aunt was my uncle's second wife.  He was on to number 3 when his 2nd wife died.

 

This pisses me off to no end because my mom deserved to know whether there was a problem and given the opportunity to fix it.  She cannot fix it now and she does not know why there was a problem in the first place.  My mother was at the birth of all of my cousins and my aunt should have known that my mom would be the person to make sure all was well with those 3 knuckleheads once she passed.  When money was tight, it was my folks that drove across town to put a couple dollars in folks mailboxes.  I don't care if you have cancer, you need to straighten shit out with people instead of being passive aggressive.  If you going to end it, do it with class and decency.

 

 

I think Kandi was advocating for Ayden and Dylan, not riding for Apollo.

I can't point it out right now, but something about Kandi's language was more about Apollo and what he wants. And as Phaedra pointed out, Apollo should have been spending more time with the boys at the end instead of clubbing, something that doesn't seem to register with Kandi.

[cooksdelight]

Here's a thought.... other men in the group WERE stepping in to help Phaedra and spend time with the boys. Did Todd? I don't remember seeing him playing with them, or visiting them. Maybe Kandi is on the defense due to Todd not being one of the guys who helped out, but by taking it out on Phaedra and criticizing her parenting choices. I still didn't get the vibe she was on Apollo's side, but that she was on the side of keeping the boys on a good path and not having Apollo as an example.

And yes, I agree, the clubbing was a dumb idea and showed how little Apollo cared for his kids. Did I hear correctly..... did he ask Phaedra for a conjuvial visit and she was thinking it over?

[Petunia13]

And knowing that your father is a two-time criminal is a GOOD thing?

She was perfectly fine with telling them their dad was a criminal when she choose to bear his sons.

[WireWrap]

She was perfectly fine with telling them their dad was a criminal when she choose to bear his sons.

True, very true but had he kept his nose clean and not broken the law again, he could have been an example of overcoming the odds by showing his sons that honest hard work does pay off.

[Queena]

Here's a thought.... other men in the group WERE stepping in to help Phaedra and spend time with the boys. Did Todd? I don't remember seeing him playing with them, or visiting them. Maybe Kandi is on the defense due to Todd not being one of the guys who helped out, but by taking it out on Phaedra and criticizing her parenting choices. I still didn't get the vibe she was on Apollo's side, but that she was on the side of keeping the boys on a good path and not having Apollo as an example.

And yes, I agree, the clubbing was a dumb idea and showed how little Apollo cared for his kids. Did I hear correctly..... did he ask Phaedra for a conjuvial visit and she was thinking it over?

I am 100% positive that the DOC doesn't offer conjugal visits. I'm sure Apollo wishes that they did.

I don't think that that Phaedra married Apollo with the intentions of him reverting back to a life of crime. I see nothing wrong with marrying someone who had problems in the past, and is now getting his life together. Phaedra should've waited until he was home, and had a chance to work on his life alone. I believe that her intentions were in the right place, but Apollo wasn't ready to adult. I don't think that she was complicit in his life of crime. I just don't see her putting her rep on the line like that. This is the same woman who didn't want people to know that she conceived a child out of wedlock. What happened to the lady who was suing her, and convinced that the Feds were at the brink of arresting her?

[Petunia13]

Those are good points made by each of you. Criminals do deserve second chances and a fair opportunity to change.

Lord help me though I do stigmatize basically anyone whose been guilty of a sex crime, crime against children, animal brutality, terrorism, a lot of white collar assholes, a domestic abusers.

[SpringTulips]

What happened to the lady who was suing her,

 

The case is set for trial.  Most of the delays in the case are due to Phaedra, ....changing lawyers, not adhering to deposition and having to do a redo. Filing motions to get rid of Angela's counter claims which the judge refuses to do.

Edited March 30, 2016 by SpringTulips

[renatae]

"Why y'all so quiet now?!"

 

Honestly can not believe all the women who did not seem to think the thug who knocked his own auntie to the ground was behaving inappropriately! He was aggressive all over the place!

[Aging Goth]

This is where I have a problem with Kandi. She could easily see aggression in this guy when no one else but her and Kenya saw yet she totally dismissed the aggression and abuse Apollo levied on Phaedra. Then she get in her feelings because Nene and Porsha did see it and come to her aid. It like only the abused recognizes the abused.

[Jrae9233]

While Porsha can get "thuggish", just the fact she didn't drag Kenya for that dick in the mouth comment by mentioning her mother, shows that Porsha does have a line she won't cross. Because if it was me, the minute Kenya made that comment I would have made it my life purpose to make sure Kenya felt like her mother and have Kenya wishing she would have never been born. And that's my problem with Kenya. She will gladly go for the jugular because she knows these women will go for the superficial (no kids, no man, horrible skin) and not truly drag her fake ass.

[Yours Truly]

But didn't Kandi say to Phaedra in this episode that the reason she was questioning Phaedra's decision to take the boys to prison was that Kandi didn't think Phaedra would want her sons growing up with Apollo as an example?? She was referring to the little one who doesn't know his father much at all.

I also think she was trying to point out the slight hypocrisy of the fact that apparently Phaedra wasn't so pearl clutchy about Apollo and his past before so for her to act all righteous now to the DEGREE she's doing it is a bit fucked up. Now granted children change the game completely so I'm okay with Phaedra not being so cavalier about Apollo's rap sheet anymore but I think Kandi's a bit offended that Phaedra is acting all above shit like she hasn't been okay with chilling in the mud at her own convenience. The way Kandi rolls, you ride or die til the wheels fall off and if you plan on getting off earlier for whatever reason don't be collapsing in a fit of the vapors over the mere notion of being associated with "that life". Girl bye.

 

I think that's a little bit of Kandi's problem too. The fact that Phaedra is acting like she's too good for it. Now again I think it's completely understandable that becoming a mother has completely done away with Phaedra's thug groupy ways but Kandi isn't so quick to give her a pass over it especially since I feel Kandi's a bit offended at how judgemental Phaedra wants to be about something that's a big reality in Kandi's own life. Not saying Kandi has a right to be offended but I get how she can be giving Phaedra the side eye over the indignation she wants to spew all over the place. Like, "girlllll what you talking about? Weren't you just over here in these neck of the woods not 2 kids and a mattress on the floor ago with your thug lovin' ways..?"  MMMMMmmmmmmHHmmmmm..

[ZaldamoWilder]

This is where I have a problem with Kandi. She could easily see aggression in this guy when no one else but her and Kenya saw yet she totally dismissed the aggression and abuse Apollo levied on Phaedra. Then she get in her feelings because Nene and Porsha did see it and come to her aid. It like only the abused recognizes the abused.

 

I think these examples would be different to Kandi.  She saw and had direct interaction with Glen being aggressive.  By the time Apollo was carrying on and drill-menacing in the garage, she and Phaedra were already distanced.  So first she's presumably learning about it the same way we did and second her point to Phaedra at the reunion was you chose that man with those qualities so don't respond punitively to him for executing qualities you knew existed when you married him.   Which I can understand but only to an extent because IMHO love covers.  So at the end of the day, real friendship flies above (™K. Burrus) things like strongly worded opinions and judgment.  I really wish she could've found a way to tell her friend I disagree with but respect your feelings and I just want you to know I'm here for you and that's it.   It might sound wacky to think so but if Kandi simply verbally acknowledged the pain Phaedra was and is going through, without expectation of reciprocity they could still patch it up for real.

[drivethroo]

 

Phaedra should've waited until he was home, and had a chance to work on his life alone. I believe that her intentions were in the right place, but Apollo wasn't ready to adult.

 

Phaedra was in her late 30s and trying to have a child before her eggs got scrambled.  She didn't have time to wait for Apollo to get right.

[Queena]

While Porsha can get "thuggish", just the fact she didn't drag Kenya for that dick in the mouth comment by mentioning her mother, shows that Porsha does have a line she won't cross. Because if it was me, the minute Kenya made that comment I would have made it my life purpose to make sure Kenya felt like her mother and have Kenya wishing she would have never been born. And that's my problem with Kenya. She will gladly go for the jugular because she knows these women will go for the superficial (no kids, no man, horrible skin) and not truly drag her fake ass.

Girl! You?!

[Rlb8031]

I remember that trip and it was exactly as you said.  It made me so sad for Cynthia.  Its one thing to see a person be miserable and weak all the time, but to know that there is another person under that blanket of misery...a cool person, a strong person (and not this fake badass routine that Cynthia puts on, but real strength) was just awesome.  Cynthia may be boring, and she would still be boring in New York, but she looked so much happier, she she had cut an anvil that was weighing her down.  Vibrant is the perfect word for it.  She had her friends, she was having fun, laughing and living it up...not worried about Nene or Peter....

 

I think Cynthia likes being a victim and a martyr sometimes, which is the reason I think she chooses to put people in her life that are mean and dismissive and treat her poorly.  But her New York life seemed so happy by itself that she didn't need to resort to that.

 

I don't know about Cynthia, but Peter is (or was) in NYC on a regular basis. My SO works in Harlem and he and his co-workers often go to Park 112 after work. About a year ago, I'd see Peter there when I'd go up to meet them. Granted, it wasn't every month, but if I was there six times in the year he was there at least three of the times I went. It seemed like most of the staff knew him and were pretty friendly with him. I was surprised, because there wasn't anything in the show about him being in NYC, and this was before the Charlotte BarOne got off the ground, but it seemed like he got to the city a lot.

[Ubiquitous]

Porsha's 'tuck' comment, head bobbing, and "Bitch" at the end were all in response to Kenya's "dick in your mouth" (planned weeeeeeeks in advance IMO) comment.

Kenya needs to work on practicing her lines more. The delivery sucked.

[Aging Goth]

I think these examples would be different to Kandi. She saw and had direct interaction with Glen being aggressive. By the time Apollo was carrying on and drill-menacing in the garage, she and Phaedra were already distanced. So first she's presumably learning about it the same way we did and second her point to Phaedra at the reunion was you chose that man with those qualities so don't respond punitively to him for executing qualities you knew existed when you married him. Which I can understand but only to an extent because IMHO love covers. So at the end of the day, real friendship flies above (™K. Burrus) things like strongly worded opinions and judgment. I really wish she could've found a way to tell her friend I disagree with but respect your feelings and I just want you to know I'm here for you and that's it. It might sound wacky to think so but if Kandi simply verbally acknowledged the pain Phaedra was and is going through, without expectation of reciprocity they could still patch it up for real.

Actually, I am referring to the times before Apollo went off with the drill. I am referring to Mexico and how he treated her there. The whole apology thing with Kenya at Cynthia's party for Peter. And especially at Demetria's video party when it was real evident she was uneasy and a little frightened by Apollo and no one but Porsha noticed she was scared. In fact Kandi misread them as being lovey dove you with each other. She never noticed the stark change in Phaedra even thought Nene who was traveling most of the time cought it and offer support. That's why Phaedra said that Kandi hadn't been very supportive. And that's really when their friendship started to die. Edited March 30, 2016 by Aging Goth

[bosawks]

Kenya needs to work on practicing her lines more. The delivery sucked.

 

Pun totally intended........

[ZaldamoWilder]

Actually, I am referring to the times before Apollo went off with the drill. I am referring to Mexico and how he treated her there. The whole apology thing with Kenya at Cynthia's party for Peter. And especially at Demetria's video party when it was real evident she was uneasy and a little frightened by Apollo and no one but Porsha noticed she was scared. In fact Kandi misread them as being lovey dove you with each other. She never noticed the stark change in Phaedra even thought Nene who was traveling most of the time cought it and offer support. That's why Phaedra said that Kandi hadn't been very supportive. And that's really when their friendship started to die.

 

Ok, I see what you mean.   

 

This is going to sound too much like a defense of Kandi when what I mean to say is that she's not a subtle cues person.  For all the faces she makes she's not good at reading other people's.  I remember her being on Phaedra's side about the whole Kenya/Apollo thing.  Especially after Kenya whipped out her phone and read Kandi the texts between she and Apollo. 

 

This isn't my wheelhouse so I'll say what I did at the time about Demetria's video party.  Phaedra looked, understandably, like she had a hair across her ass at being ambushed.   I didn't read it as threatening, necessarily but can acknowledge that women with this experience may more easily and readily have read the situation differently.  To me it looked like: nobody invited you, I can't get a moment's peace at home because of you and now I can't even enjoy a girl's night out because of you.  Get the hell on.  He knew they were taping, he knew she wouldn't make a scene of wriggling out of his grasp and he took that as an opportunity to force her to listen.  Shitty tactic? Awkward and uncomfortable? Absolutely.  Abusive?  I wouldn'tve gone there but I'm not qualified to say.   I do know that in a marital conversation between my girlfriend and her husband, the only way I'm not minding mine is if there are clues that she does in fact feel threatened.  She was sitting next to Kandi, a hand squeeze a look, telegraph something.   Nene wasn't there, her comments are hindsight mixed with whatever she'd gotten a chance to actually hear Phaedra say she'd felt about it.   I don't recall Porsha saying anything at the time, but if she also reacted after that scene played out, none of them get credit for catching it.

[Jrae9233]

Girl! You?!

Lol, it's crazy because I'm super shy and quiet but I don't really play when people come for me and I can verbally cut people down real quick. I will say that I do feel bad for Kenya in regards to her mother, but you hit an age and you have to grow up and work on your own happiness. I say this from experience, but she has to let go that she is never going to get the answer she wants. Even though I feel her with her mother, it gives her no right to treat people the way she does. I have a mouth on me and my parents always told me "run your mouth if you want, but don't be surprised if you get knocked out one day."

[Aging Goth]

Ok, I see what you mean.

This is going to sound too much like a defense of Kandi when what I mean to say is that she's not a subtle cues person. For all the faces she makes she's not good at reading other people's. I remember her being on Phaedra's side about the whole Kenya/Apollo thing. Especially after Kenya whipped out her phone and read Kandi the texts between she and Apollo.

This isn't my wheelhouse so I'll say what I did at the time about Demetria's video party. Phaedra looked, understandably, like she had a hair across her ass at being ambushed. I didn't read it as threatening, necessarily but can acknowledge that women with this experience may more easily and readily have read the situation differently. To me it looked like: nobody invited you, I can't get a moment's peace at home because of you and now I can't even enjoy a girl's night out because of you. Get the hell on. He knew they were taping, he knew she wouldn't make a scene of wriggling out of his grasp and he took that as an opportunity to force her to listen. Shitty tactic? Awkward and uncomfortable? Absolutely. Abusive? I wouldn'tve gone there but I'm not qualified to say. I do know that in a marital conversation between my girlfriend and her husband, the only way I'm not minding mine is if there are clues that she does in fact feel threatened. She was sitting next to Kandi, a hand squeeze a look, telegraph something. Nene wasn't there, her comments are hindsight mixed with whatever she'd gotten a chance to actually hear Phaedra say she'd felt about it. I don't recall Porsha saying anything at the time, but if she also reacted after that scene played out, none of them get credit for catching it.

He was actually threatening her right there at the video party. That's why he held her. He was whispering threats that he could go off at any time. Porsha reacted in shock. While the others geered and made disparaging remarks about Phaedra. Kandi took it as they were back together again. It was obvious to me she was a bit frightened. Since Porsha was in a controlling relationship she could see the signs. Nene saw the signs in Mexico. As a former victim of abuse, she picked it up pretty quickly and she also noticed a stark change in Phaedra's demeanor that Kandi just never picked up on. Even I caught that. It was apparently after that when both Porsha and Nene came to Phaedra's aid Edited March 30, 2016 by Aging Goth

[Aging Goth]

Once again Kenya goes where she has no dog in this fight. She has taken to Twitter to brandish Phaedra regarding her trip to the prison to take the kids to see Apollo. Of course she says she doesn't believe Phaedra account of the visit and doesn't believe Phaedra will return. She even went further to claim that the trip was just a publicity stunt to gain sympathy (much like Kenya's camera toting trip to her mother's). She's now adapting Kandi's contention that Phaedra should return with the boys "for their sake".

[Apprentice79]

Once again Kenya goes where she has no dog in this fight. She has taken to Twitter to brandish Phaedra regarding her trip to the prison to take the kids to see Apollo. Of course she says she doesn't believe Phaedra account of the visit and doesn't believe Phaedra will return. She even went further to claim that the trip was just a publicity stunt to gain sympathy (much like Kenya's camera toting trip to her mother's). She's now adapting Kandi's contention that Phaedra should return with the boys "for their sake".

This is  why I have no pity for Kenya. She likes to start with people and when they have a bad reaction like Porsha and Glen, she cries victim..She is pathetic and I loathe her...

[ZaldamoWilder]

He was actually threatening her right there at the video party. That's why he held her. He was whispering threats that he could go off at any time. Porsha reacted in shock. While the others geered and made disparaging remarks about Phaedra. Kandi took it as they were back together again. It was obvious to me she was a bit frightened. Since Porsha was in a controlling relationship she could see the signs. Nene saw the signs in Mexico. As a former victim of abuse, she picked it up pretty quickly and she also noticed a stark change in Phaedra's demeanor that Kandi just never picked up on. Even I caught that. It was apparently after that when both Porsha and Nene came to Phaedra's aid

 

If she decided that he was being threatening (and she has every right to) she did so after this.  Porsha wasn't shocked, she never even reacted according to this clip.  Again, Nene wasn't there, whatever she was responding to came from Phaedra's subsequent interpretation of this scene.   To be clear I'm not denying that Apollo behaved abusively towards her if he did, I'm saying that no one in that room picked it up on that night so Kandi can't be to blame for that. 

 

http://allthingsrh.com/apollo-nida-phaedra-parks-im-still-husband/

[Aging Goth]

It still stands that Phaedra's happy fun loving demeanor was totally absent to the point that a close friend should've picked up on it. Even the standoffish behavior Phaedra adapted alerted Nene who as Kandi put it was a common frenemy of the two which is why Kandi was in her feeling about Nene's support of Phaedra

[Yours Truly]

He was actually threatening her right there at the video party. That's why he held her. He was whispering threats that he could go off at any time. Porsha reacted in shock. While the others geered and made disparaging remarks about Phaedra. Kandi took it as they were back together again. It was obvious to me she was a bit frightened. Since Porsha was in a controlling relationship she could see the signs. Nene saw the signs in Mexico. As a former victim of abuse, she picked it up pretty quickly and she also noticed a stark change in Phaedra's demeanor that Kandi just never picked up on. Even I caught that. It was apparently after that when both Porsha and Nene came to Phaedra's aid

You're describing that Kandi obviously missed it and misread it to be something less serious not that she saw it to be abusive and decided to ignore it and minimize it. So I still don't see this being as an example against Kandi and more of an example of how, like Kandi said, she needs directness or else her default assumption is that things are cool. Kandi not picking up on things is leaps and bounds away from Kandi deliberately being a shady friend or her purposely not being there for her. I find that to be a huge stretch. Just cause Kandi is more reserved about when to catch the vapors doesn't mean that she wouldn't acknowledge something that was painfully obvious which the scene you're describing apparently wasn't. I mean her stance about the Glen situation shows that she's not about to pretend something isn't what it is just for the sake of coming trying to come off a certain way.

Edited March 30, 2016 by Yours Truly

[Aging Goth]

Not a huge stretch if you're a fair weather friend. If you are that ride or die friend you claim to be you notice thing others don't. What I'm saying is that I don't feel Kandi was ever a close friend to Phaedra which is why she didn't see the abuse with Phaedra but see it when she's directly involved.

[Apprentice79]

I just feel that Kandi was being obtuse and there was no maliciousness on her part when it came to Phaedra and Apollo's tempestuous relationship.. I have a feeling that Kandi is numb when it comes to abuse of any kind. Look at what she has to put up with her mother Janice..That woman did a number on her...I feel that Phaedra was out of line to talk about Kandi's husband..She should not have thrown barbs his way in her talking head. It was beyond the pale..

[Aging Goth]

I do agree with Apprentice79 that Phaedra was out of line for her bards at Todd. However, Todd should've handled their dispute privately and in a reasonable timeframe. Todd sending Kandi to do this fueled Phaedra's TH bashes along with Kandi's distancing herself in light of what Phaedra was going through. No one handled this well at all

[Apprentice79]

I do agree with Apprentice79 that Phaedra was out of line for her bards at Todd. However, Todd should've handled their dispute privately and in a reasonable timeframe. Todd sending Kandi to do this fueled Phaedra's TH bashes along with Kandi's distancing herself in light of what Phaedra was going through. No one handled this well at all

I think in some ways Reality TV destroys relationships..You can watch on a loop the awful things the person has said about you..If I recall correctly,that is what happened to Nene and Cynthia for the bitch comment about Peter..Nene and cynthia had reconciled and made peace months before, only for Cynthia to see the episodes and the talking heads as we were seeing them and that re-opened the old wounds. She began to throw insults Nene's way via her blog and tweets and Nene feeling hurt, confused and betrayed started throwing some right back at her...

Edited March 30, 2016 by Apprentice79

[ToukieSmith]

It still stands that Phaedra's happy fun loving demeanor was totally absent to the point that a close friend should've picked up on it. Even the standoffish behavior Phaedra adapted alerted Nene who as Kandi put it was a common frenemy of the two which is why Kandi was in her feeling about Nene's support of Phaedra

 

It seems to me Kandi read the behavior as Apollo trying to make up.  Her comments tell me that she never considered that Apollo was being threatening at all.  Her judgement was off, but her feelings were honest.  Phaedra looked uncomfortable, but she never said anything to Apollo about taking his hands off of her.  Now, she may have done that to keep the situation from escalating, but if this is how they normally look when they are fighting/making up, then I would have done the same thing as Kandi.  I would have added an eye roll then made a note to self not to stay up half of the night listening to my girl cry about her husband then watch them make up at a party the next night.

 

YMMV, of course, but I don't think it makes Kandi a bad friend because she had no clue that Apollo was being aggressive toward his wife.  It would make Kandi a bad friend if she actually thought/knew Apollo was being aggressive towards his wife and did not do a thing about it.  Some of us are obtuse when it comes to how other people feel.  It does not make us bad people; we are just amazingly clueless sometimes.

 

If I recall correctly, didn't Kenya ask Phaedra whether she was okay?

[Apprentice79]

It seems to me Kandi read the behavior as Apollo trying to make up.  Her comments tell me that she never considered that Apollo was being threatening at all.  Her judgement was off, but her feelings were honest.  Phaedra looked uncomfortable, but she never said anything to Apollo about taking his hands off of her.  Now, she may have done that to keep the situation from escalating, but if this is how they normally look when they are fighting/making up, then I would have done the same thing as Kandi.  I would have added an eye roll then made a note to self not to stay up half of the night listening to my girl cry about her husband then watch them make up at a party the next night.

 

YMMV, of course, but I don't think it makes Kandi a bad friend because she had no clue that Apollo was being aggressive toward his wife.  It would make Kandi a bad friend if she actually thought/knew Apollo was being aggressive towards his wife and did not do a thing about it.  Some of us are obtuse when it comes to how other people feel.  It does not make us bad people; we are just amazingly clueless sometimes.

 

If I recall correctly, didn't Kenya ask Phaedra whether she was okay?

Not to mention, that women who are in a volatile situation will hide it from their families and friends, due to shame and judgments...

[cooksdelight]

I do agree with Apprentice79 that Phaedra was out of line for her bards at Todd. However, Todd should've handled their dispute privately and in a reasonable timeframe. Todd sending Kandi to do this fueled Phaedra's TH bashes along with Kandi's distancing herself in light of what Phaedra was going through. No one handled this well at all

I agree with you, it should have been handled privately, but as we know, production won't let that happen if there's a chance of a hissy fit on film.

[Aging Goth]

If I recall correctly, didn't Kenya ask Phaedra whether she was okay?....

No. Kenya and Cynthia were laughing at Phaedra when they saw the scene with Phaedra and Apollo. In fact, Cynthia made some remark about Phaedra's slip is showing. Porsha asked if she was OK.

Edited March 31, 2016 by Aging Goth

[Yours Truly]

Not a huge stretch if you're a fair weather friend. If you are that ride or die friend you claim to be you notice thing others don't. What I'm saying is that I don't feel Kandi was ever a close friend to Phaedra which is why she didn't see the abuse with Phaedra but see it when she's directly involved.

Kandi's like this across the board. With Todd, with Carman, her mom. The thing with Kandi is that she doesn't do well with emotional shit. She'd rather go through life with blinders on than look too closely and see anything too emotionally heavy. Now THAT'S the part I don't like about her. She can't handle anything too emotional. You see that every time she broaches a situation that's rocky. She's always on the verge of tears so she trends lightly when something shifty is in the air cause she'd rather NOT know and hopes things resolve itself. That's a lazy immature way to handle conflict but one thing about Kandi is that she's like this mainly with people she's close too. I find it sad cause it looks like in a way she's extra sensitive when it comes to them so when it looks like things are going left,  she shrinks back into her shell to hide like a turtle only to peek out once in awhile to see if shit has passed over without her ever having to do much of anything about it. 

Edited March 31, 2016 by Yours Truly

[appledumpling]

 

 

I am 100% positive that the DOC doesn't offer conjugal visits. I'm sure Apollo wishes that they did.

 

It's BOP (Bureau of Prisons); Apollo is in Federal Prison.  It's called DOC if it's a City or State run jail/prison/institution.  I don't know it they allow conjugal visits.

 

 

 

I still didn't get the vibe she was on Apollo's side, but that she was on the side of keeping the boys on a good path and not having Apollo as an example.

 

Kandi needs to concern herself with keeping Riley and Ace on a good path and the type of example her mama, Aunt Bertha, Weenie, Carmon and DJ set for them.  She's so concerned about Apollo getting his visits then she can take Riley and Ace to visit him.  

[Queena]

It's BOP (Bureau of Prisons); Apollo is in Federal Prison. It's called DOC if it's a City or State run jail/prison/institution. I don't know it they allow conjugal visits.

Kandi needs to concern herself with keeping Riley and Ace on a good path and the type of example her mama, Aunt Bertha, Weenie, Carmon and DJ set for them. She's so concerned about Apollo getting his visits then she can take Riley and Ace to visit him.

OK, I'm 100% positive that the BOP doesn't offer conjugal visits. There are only a select few of DOC's that do offer conjugal visits.

[StevieRocks]

But I don’t think Kim told any lies in saying “you can’t keep poking a hornet’s nest and be surprised when hornets fly out”. 

Exactly! If women would just listen and shut up while they're being abused. Thank you, Kim Fields (and The Taliban). When someone is walking aggressively toward you and calling you, "Lil Bitch," you better button that lip! And fix that burqa, too.

[StevieRocks]

Well I came with my stick so I could beat the dead horse too. Regarding the Glen situation, the reason why I can't accept anything less than Glen being at fault and am resistant to these attempts at Zaprudian analysis of what Kenya did is because of the naked attempt to completely invalidate Kenya's feelings and Tammy's hospital visit by Sheree and Phaedra attempting to link this incident to BLM. That's well beyond the pale for me and proves what low behavioral expectations many hold for Black men. He was audibly aggressive, hollering, calling the whole group "bitches," and yet, there's this investigation of Kenya. No ma'am.

 

"Well Kenya invited him." And she's allowed to tell him to leave. She can't ask him to go if he's out of line? "Well Kenya liked him." And Kenya is allowed to change her mind. "Well Kenya got rejected and wanted him gone." And Kenya being the hostess is permitted to tell him to leave. Why does Kenya need some excuse for him to leave? He has no right to the space. "Kenya should have let security handle it." Should've, could've, would've, but we're here now, so explain Glen's aggression.

 

Too many equivocations, not enough addressing the rut.

 

Kenya did not turn this into an act of violence (as Phaedra stated in her blog at the time) Glen did. End of.

Co-sign 100%. Phaedra makes me very angry with her take on this--mostly because Ayden, whom I ADORE and smile from ear to ear whenever I see, is being reared to become the opposite of Glen and would never THINK to behave like Glen in a million years. Phaedra looks like a hypocrite here. I agree that she is under no obligation to visit an idiot in prison because it would present an unacceptable role model to her children, but then she defends an abusive misogynistic bully like Glen?? Your slip is showing, Southern Belle.

[tiredofwork]

StevieRocks said:

"Exactly! If women would just listen and shut up while they're being abused. Thank you, Kim Fields (and The Taliban). When someone is walking aggressively toward you and calling you, "Lil Bitch," you better button that lip! And fix that burqa, too."

 

Thank you..., hysterical.  I find it more than alarming that Phaedra, Kim, Porsha and Sheree embraced this exact attitude about the occurrence.  Way to be a role model for women.

Edited April 1, 2016 by tiredofwork

[Petunia13]

Not only that but they kinda shrugged off the behavior as it wasn't bad towards them. Don't they realize when a man acts verbally and physically violent towards a woman it's only by the grace of God/chance he isn't directing towards you.

For now.

[Aging Goth]

It appears that what Porsha et al was talking about has sadly gotten lost. They did not say Kenya should not have said anything when threatened, they said that once she had Tammy handle it, she should have stayed out of it. If the guy threatened her when she said nothing to him, she was right to loudly call security and get out of harm's way. What they objected to was blatantly following Tammy who was in fact handling the situation, and decided to loudly reinforce her desire for them to leave in what appeared to be confrontational. The drunken guy reacted aggressively which could have been avoided Kenya didn't always have to have the last word.