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S08.E19: Reunion Part 2


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Porsha did acknowledge it... very briefly. She spent two seconds mentioning it and then spent 10 minutes explaining why Kenya was partially to blame. Her energy was spent mostly rationalizing Glen's behaviour when she should have spent that energy speaking up against his aggressive behaviour and making it clear that it was in no way acceptable. Kenya deserves a lot of blame for a lot of things but how Kenya blames the other girls for things is not the same as them trying to find blame for something as serious as instigating male aggression and violence.

When Kandi told Phaedra 'you chose him' I didn't see it as her placing any blame on Phaedra for Apollo's action. I think what she meant was that Phaedra knew the man she married and that the kids shouldn't miss out on the opportunity to know their father because of decisions that either of their parents make. I can't remember the context of Kandi's advice to Phaedra. If Phaedra was talking about her situation and Kandi shared her opinion then I think that's fine. If Kandi brought it up completely on her own, then I think she's out of line for sharing her opinions about Phaedra's situation without any context.

Porsha was answering Andy's question, which was why do the others think Kenya was wrong. Porsha said that Kenya wasn't wrong to want Glen to leave but that she was wrong in how she went about it. Porsha wasn't the one claiming that Kenya acted like a spurned lover, that was Phaedra and Sheree. LOL

 

I think Phaedra got ticked off at Kandi when Kandi brought in a complete stranger (stranger to Phaedra that is) to "explain" things to her about children/prison visits without making sure she was open to it first. Talk/opinions between close friends are one thing, bringing a stranger into such a personal decision/conversation is not appropriate unless both friends are open to it first.

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I work with the "mentally challenged".  Kenya isn't "mentally challenged" she's just a run of the mill bitch.

 

Maybe "mentally challenged" is the wrong term.  From what her mother has done to her she is "mentally damaged" or better yet, "emotionally damaged".  Sorry for my politically incorrectness.

Edited by swankie
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I think Kandi grew up with family members and relatives of friends, etc., in and out of jail, so that is something she's used to. She probably resents Phaedra a little bit for feeling like she's too good to be running back and forth making prison visits. Yes, Phaedra chose and stayed with Apollo for all the wrong reasons, but I don't think she was involved in his shenanigans because her family--parents and children--mean too much to her to risk her freedom. She barely lived down the shame of getting knocked up by an ex-con out of wedlock.

 

She probably suspected him of being up to no good and rather than turn him in said, I don't want anything to do with any mess you've got yourself involved in, keep it out of my house and you'd better watch your Ps & Qs because if you get caught you're on your own. He's lucky he gets to speak to Aiden and gets glittery cards in the mail.

 

Phaedra talks a lot of shit, sticks her tongue out inappropriately, and likes to dip her toe in the wild side, she but comes from a different world than Kandi. And Kandi may be able to buy and sell everyone on that stage but she's still ghetto and she knows it.

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Yeah, but by this time they had seen the hornet burst out of his nest.  They all witnessed him trying to get at Kenya, knocking Tammy down and aggressively fighting with the security guards.  I would have been pearl clutchy and skirt gathery too at that point.

 

And me.  I'm saying, it serves as proof that, as she put it, her instincts were correct.

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And me.  I'm saying, it serves as proof that, as she put it, her instincts were correct.

Well, Kenya didn't have instincts about Glen until she realized he had no interest in her at all. Then she started to watch/listen to his interactions with the other women and found him unwelcome. I have to wonder though, if he hit on or flirted with Kenya and talked smack/nasty/aggressive towards....say, Porsha, Phaedra or Kim, would she still order him out of the house or would his behavior have been acceptable to her? I admit, I am not so sure she would have had him removed.

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Porsha was answering Andy's question, which was why do the others think Kenya was wrong. Porsha said that Kenya wasn't wrong to want Glen to leave but that she was wrong in how she went about it. Porsha wasn't the one claiming that Kenya acted like a spurned lover, that was Phaedra and Sheree. LOL

 

I think Phaedra got ticked off at Kandi when Kandi brought in a complete stranger (stranger to Phaedra that is) to "explain" things to her about children/prison visits without making sure she was open to it first. Talk/opinions between close friends are one thing, bringing a stranger into such a personal decision/conversation is not appropriate unless both friends are open to it first.

 

No, you could see her start to deflect from the onset. When Andy asked her about Phaedra's comments, she didn't take the time to address why they were in poor taste to compare situations. She spent that time trying to deflate the situation and help wipe the egg off of Phaedra's face. Not sure why Porsha should be the one to be asked the question when she didn't even know what the underground railroad was. Then when Phaedra was trying to keep some blame on Kenya by saying that part of the issue was that Kenya wanted Glen and he didn't want her, Porsha chimed in with 'yeah' during that back and forth. And nobody asked Porsha anything. A viewer question was read and Porsha took it upon herself to answer it and she said 'you kept pushing him until you got a reaction'. Porsha was talking out of both sides of her mouth. She brought up the security point which would have been fair if she wasn't throwing in digs about Kenya being a massive instigator that basically asked for that reaction from him. She shut her mouth real quick when Kandi spoke up and said that Kenya said and did nothing that warranted anything close to his behaviour and she hit the nail on the head, Porsha and Phaedra pacified his behaviour so that they could take the opportunity to throw digs at Kenya.  

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Well, Kenya didn't have instincts about Glen until she realized he had no interest in her at all. Then she started to watch/listen to his interactions with the other women and found him unwelcome. I have to wonder though, if he hit on or flirted with Kenya and talked smack/nasty/aggressive towards....say, Porsha, Phaedra or Kim, would she still order him out of the house or would his behavior have been acceptable to her? I admit, I am not so sure she would have had him removed.

 

Perhaps.  But when she decides he's aggressive is eclipsed by the fact that he's aggressive.

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Well I got some ride or die girlfriends who have go in on me HARD about sensitive shit so..... I guess this is why I also see where she's coming from with regards to her Kandi Koated clique. Your ride or die peeps don't just clam up cause your feelings are hurt. At least mine don't. If it's about some waaaayyy important shit they gonna let you know regardless. Have I gotten into some ugly back and forths because of this YUP. But there's nothing like knowing that ya'll are THAT ride or die that ya'll can do that with each other. That's how I know Kandi really thought of Phaedra as a real friend. Because she took those liberties with Phaedra. I mean not saying that it isn't you know fragile topic but there are certain things I know I will say to my girl without worrying or let me say not caring about her getting mad. Oh well, bitch you need to hear it. If it turns into "a thing" then sure we'll drop it and soak our butts in some soothing ointments to cover being butthurt over it then keep it moving.

 

I don't consider what Phaedra's dealing with with Kandi as being butt hurt and I think that's trivializing what Phaedra's issues are, to be honest.  I don't consider my friends to be of the overly butt hurt persuasion, but everyone has a deal breaker and apparently this is Phaedra's.  There is something to be said for being able to tell your friends when they're actin a fool, but there is also something to be said for realizing someone is having a really tough time and it's not about you and your opinion and keep your damn mouth shut.

 

Kandi has yet to be supportive of Phaedra in ANY instance concerning what's gone on with Apollo.  And it continued last night with "Well you married him!" or whatever he said.  I can probably bet that Phaedra has said that exact thing to herself 8,128 times since everything went down...she hardly needs to hear it from Kandi.

 

I don't consider myself to be overly sensitive, however the circumstances surrounding a certain time in my life continue to be a sore spot.  My friends don't take it upon themselves to start spouting off their opinions.  Mostly because they know what they'll get met with if they do.  I don't wanna hear your opinion.  Shutup.  I know what I'm doing.  I'm well aware I could be making choices that aren't the greatest...still don't wanna hear it.  If I wanna hear it, I'll ask.  What I'm doing isn't affecting (effecting?  always get those mixed up) your life in the least.  So shush.  Just be supportive.  

 

THAT is where Kandi comes off as an unfeeling, selfish bitch regarding what's happened to her friendship with Phaedra.  We're not talking about an outfit Phaedra wore that Kandi didn't like or a comment Phaedra made to Kenya that Kandi thought was out of line...this is her marriage and her kids.  And IMO, the demise of their friendship is Kandi's fault.  

 

And hey, maybe what Phaedra's doing is Kandi's deal breaker.  It can go both ways.  That's fine.  Maybe Kandi is completely against how Phaedra's handled it.  I don't know.  I don't claim to know where Kandi draws the lines in her life.  If that's how she feels...cool.  But what burns me is that she runs around making it seem like Phaedra is being completely melodramatic about how Kandi has treated her during this.  And I'm sorry but no.  

Edited by CaughtOnTape
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I don't consider myself to be overly sensitive, however the circumstances surrounding a certain time in my life continue to be a sore spot.  My friends don't take it upon themselves to start spouting off their opinions.  Mostly because they know what they'll get met with if they do.  I don't wanna hear your opinion.  Shutup.  I know what I'm doing.  I'm well aware I could be making choices that aren't the greatest...still don't wanna hear it.  If I wanna hear it, I'll ask.  What I'm doing isn't affecting (effecting?  always get those mixed up) your life in the least.  So shush.  Just be supportive.  

 

 

 

For my money, I think its much less stress and much easier to just unquestioningly support people.  Who needs to risk the potential friction with someone, especially if their actions aren't affecting your life?  Just smile and nod and let people dig themselves a hole.  That's what I would do with someone I didn't really care about, because honestly, I don't care enough to risk the fight, and I'm not that invested in whether or not they end up hurting themselves.  Some people are sanctimonious, but others may really have your best interests at heart.  

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Perhaps.  But when she decides he's aggressive is eclipsed by the fact that he's aggressive.

Without a doubt, he got aggressive and without a doubt he needed to go but that was/is not my point. Would Kenya have thought he was aggressive/threatening had he acted that way to Porsha, Phaedra or Kim? I'm not so sure she would have.

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To me Cynthia looks so tired since she married Peter.  It is like he literally is sucking the life out of her.

There was an episode in an earlier season where Cynthia went back to NYC for work, and she looked so much happier there. Vibrant and full of life. I can't remember ever seeing her look that happy with Peter, even on their wedding day.

 

And ... they're totally separated, right? He lives in Charlotte, she lives in Atlanta (she should move back to NYC, IMO). She doesn't visit him there. He can dress it up however he wants, but that sounds like a separation to me.

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Kenya didnt do a disservice to young black men, if anyone did it would be Glenn.

​Thank you.

 

Letting their hatred for Kenya override common damn sense was a pathetic look on the other ladies.

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Without a doubt, he got aggressive and without a doubt he needed to go but that was/is not my point. Would Kenya have thought he was aggressive/threatening had he acted that way to Porsha, Phaedra or Kim? I'm not so sure she would have.

 

I'm not so sure she would've either but I also think two things (1) if she had only been responding on her behalf, the fact that she was reacting to his aggression towards her alone is enough for me.  But she wasn't, Glen got into a hottub with at least 2 other HWs in it and continued his drunken ranting.  Then she went over to Kandi and Kim to ask if their impressions about him matched hers.  And Kandi said yeah he's unnecessarily turned up.  So she did more than her job as far as I'm concerned on behalf of all the women she talked to in determining that she was not alone in her impressions, no matter when they began.  That's doing more research than would be required if it were just about her ego; and (2) Given her dynamics with the group, it's hard for me to look at whether she'd get involved if any of the others felt threatened because I take the tack of no expectation of her having a responsibility to advocate on behalf of women she knows won't and don't advocate for her but as it was, one other person happened to agree with her before she made the decision to ask Tammy to ask Glen to leave.  Porsha wasn't uncomfortable because she had no interaction with Glen, she was twerking by the fish and generally trying to keep Oliver from knocking himself into unconsciousness.   Phaedra was in the hottub and said her typical oh my when Glen & Co. started popping off so she might've been in raised eyebrow mode but not yet alarmed.  Sheree was in the tub too and when he started talking all crazy I believe she said oh when did this take a turn?  Kim said all she felt was awkward.   So whether she would've intervened had the other women felt threatened or not is difficult to apply because they didn't say or behave as though they were.  

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There was an episode in an earlier season where Cynthia went back to NYC for work, and she looked so much happier there. Vibrant and full of life. I can't remember ever seeing her look that happy with Peter, even on their wedding day.

 

And ... they're totally separated, right? He lives in Charlotte, she lives in Atlanta (she should move back to NYC, IMO). She doesn't visit him there. He can dress it up however he wants, but that sounds like a separation to me.

I remember that trip and it was exactly as you said.  It made me so sad for Cynthia.  Its one thing to see a person be miserable and weak all the time, but to know that there is another person under that blanket of misery...a cool person, a strong person (and not this fake badass routine that Cynthia puts on, but real strength) was just awesome.  Cynthia may be boring, and she would still be boring in New York, but she looked so much happier, she she had cut an anvil that was weighing her down.  Vibrant is the perfect word for it.  She had her friends, she was having fun, laughing and living it up...not worried about Nene or Peter....

 

I think Cynthia likes being a victim and a martyr sometimes, which is the reason I think she chooses to put people in her life that are mean and dismissive and treat her poorly.  But her New York life seemed so happy by itself that she didn't need to resort to that.

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I watched this episode with my mother... when Kenya first said her comment to Porsha, my mom gasped.  I was like, what are you upset about?  Kenya said "It's indicative of you not knowing what you are talking about"... right?  Mom rewound it and I was like, "...Oh."  She said "Dick in it".  And then I laughed.  Sorry, but Kenya amuses me.

 

But my question is... One Eyed African... is this a penis reference?  

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I know that alot of people will not agree with me on here, when it comes to Glen and Kenya. I felt nothing for her.. Her reprehensible  treatment of Kim this season sealed my eternal contempt for Kenya Moore. She is a terrible person....I don't care how unloved and rejected she felt all her life by her mother. It does not give her the right to be so vile to people..It is just not right...

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Something that is getting lost in all of this is the simple fact that Porsha was also the "Hostess", not just Kenya. This was a joint trip, planned and hosted by both women but Kenya did not include the other hostess in any of this, she could/should have talked to Porsha about making Glen leave.

 

 

Forgot about that, but I am sick and tired of phakedra and her whining about kandi, bitch you asked her what would you do!! I'm trying to find the clip but I could of sworn she asked something along the lines. I mean ENOUGH either forgive or forget and move on n*gga and stop with the talking heads about if people don't come visit her. And porsha is a flip flopper, she will side with anyone who is hurting on the current season! Liked Kim but this is not for her, bring on Omarossa!!!!!!!!!!

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But my question is... One Eyed African... is this a penis reference?  

 

Apparently not.  Andy asked her about it on WWHL and Porsha said there was a married man from Africa who wore an eye-patch, and Kenya was somehow involved with him.

 

I'm glad she explained it because I was wondering the same thing, with the "one eye" description. 

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I think Kandi grew up with family members and relatives of friends, etc., in and out of jail, so that is something she's used to. She probably resents Phaedra a little bit for feeling like she's too good to be running back and forth making prison visits. Yes, Phaedra chose and stayed with Apollo for all the wrong reasons, but I don't think she was involved in his shenanigans because her family--parents and children--mean too much to her to risk her freedom. She barely lived down the shame of getting knocked up by an ex-con out of wedlock.

She probably suspected him of being up to no good and rather than turn him in said, I don't want anything to do with any mess you've got yourself involved in, keep it out of my house and you'd better watch your Ps & Qs because if you get caught you're on your own. He's lucky he gets to speak to Aiden and gets glittery cards in the mail.

Phaedra talks a lot of shit, sticks her tongue out inappropriately, and likes to dip her toe in the wild side, she but comes from a different world than Kandi. And Kandi may be able to buy and sell everyone on that stage but she's still ghetto and she knows it.

I was trying to say this earlier. Thank you for saying it.

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I think Kandi grew up with family members and relatives of friends, etc., in and out of jail, so that is something she's used to. She probably resents Phaedra a little bit for feeling like she's too good to be running back and forth making prison visits. Yes, Phaedra chose and stayed with Apollo for all the wrong reasons, but I don't think she was involved in his shenanigans because her family--parents and children--mean too much to her to risk her freedom. She barely lived down the shame of getting knocked up by an ex-con out of wedlock.

She probably suspected him of being up to no good and rather than turn him in said, I don't want anything to do with any mess you've got yourself involved in, keep it out of my house and you'd better watch your Ps & Qs because if you get caught you're on your own. He's lucky he gets to speak to Aiden and gets glittery cards in the mail.

Phaedra talks a lot of shit, sticks her tongue out inappropriately, and likes to dip her toe in the wild side, she but comes from a different world than Kandi. And Kandi may be able to buy and sell everyone on that stage but she's still ghetto and she knows it.

ITA. Kandi is hood. Phaedra is hood adjacent. I (and a lot of other middle class black folks I know) can somewhat relate to that.

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There's always something that a woman could do to change a man's behavior. If the woman just knew her place and just acted meek and put dinner on the table and didn't wear that shirt and.... oh I'm sorry, I just realized that I'm back in 2016 again. Flashbacks to a different time watching this awful reunion.

 

Such a dark/sad statement on society.

An adult is responsible for their own behavior regardless of what the person in front of them did or didn't do. This is violence towards women 101, sadly some of the ladies on this show have not caught up.

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I figure that Kenya knows that she was given up for adoption in a closed adoption, and she’s very bitter and angry about that, so she keeps pushing her family members into an uncomfortable spot (because everything is always about Kenya, in Kenya’s world).

 

Did the grandmother LEGALLY adopt Kenya?

Because, technically and legally I don’t think Kenya was “adopted” at all.

I guess she says she was raised by her dad. But did he take her at birth? Was she with the grandmother/aunt until some young age, THEN she went to the dad (because the maternal grandfather and mother just got too hostile.)

 

So....she was mostly raised by her Dad...and from time to time -- went to stay with her grandmother – with her mother right there in the house. But she also says her aunt helped raise her right?

 

Now maybe the family tried to keep the secret amongst the adults....but clearly when the child, mother and grandmother are all there – and the Dad knows them all and the whole story – and is in the picture as well....there’s no way that is even remotely a “closed adoption.”

 

((edited for typo))

Edited by selhars
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Eh, even if Kandi did give him stank face, it still wasn't that serious to go from 0-100 over it. Dude was mad aggressive from the jump. It isn't hard to say "I just wanted to congratulate you on your pregnancy, no disrespect was intended," and move on. But boys like Glen are dangerous. They're hypersensitive to the smallest of slights, intentional or unintentional. I wouldn't put it past him to harm a woman just because she didn't give him her phone number. He was clearly raised in a misogynistic household. He's a straight up hotep brother.

 

I can't stand agreeing with Kenya about anything, but I applauded her zing to Phaedra about her children. She hopes that Phaedra isn't teaching them to disrespect women because they'd end up in jail, too. This is why most men will continue to display bad behavior. Society and some women will always make excuses for them. I'm glad Kandi shut all of them down about Glen. Their "he wasn't justified BUT" arguments were gross as fuck.

I agree. My comment could've been worded better, but I did state that I don't condone Glen's behavior on the trip. Still, I can see where he may have started to feel out of place with the housewives, because first Kenya was annoying, and then Kandi seemingly gave him the cold shoulder with her face. I wasn't trying to say that Glen was right to go off because Kandi gave him a bad look. Glen wasn't right to threaten Kenya, either. My whole point was that you can't predict how people are going to respond when you come at them sideways, so it's probably in your best interest not to come at people sideways if you don't want to find yourself in a position where you run across somebody with a short fuse. I understand your point about Glen overreacting, but to me it's like saying that I should expect good behavior from a criminal. That's not quite realistic, IMHO. I'm in control of my own behavior, not the other person - so in my opinion, to minimize the risk of getting my face broke, I choose not to pop off on people for fun and games.

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Did the grandmother LEGALLY adopt Kenya?

Because, technically and legally I don’t think Kenya was “adopted” at all.

I guess she says she was raised by her dad. But did he take her at birth? Was she with the grandmother/aunt until some young age, THEN she went to the dad (because the maternal grandfather and mother just got too hostile.)

 

So....she was mostly raised by her Dad,,,and from time to time -- went to stay with her grandmother – with her mother right there in the house. But she also says her aunt helped raise her right?

 

Now maybe the family tried to keep the secret amongst the adults....but clearly when the child, mother and grandmother are all there – and the Dad knows them all and the whole story – and is in the picture as well....there’s no way that it even remotely a “closed adoption.”

Not in the legal meaning of the words, no, I wouldn't call it a closed adoption either. But I consider a closed adoption of sorts if the mother gave Kenya away and had nothing to do with raising Kenya, nor wanted to have anything to do with Kenya at all.

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Did the grandmother LEGALLY adopt Kenya?

Because, technically and legally I don’t think Kenya was “adopted” at all.

I guess she says she was raised by her dad. But did he take her at birth? Was she with the grandmother/aunt until some young age, THEN she went to the dad (because the maternal grandfather and mother just got too hostile.)

 

So....she was mostly raised by her Dad,,,and from time to time -- went to stay with her grandmother – with her mother right there in the house. But she also says her aunt helped raise her right?

 

Now maybe the family tried to keep the secret amongst the adults....but clearly when the child, mother and grandmother are all there – and the Dad knows them all and the whole story – and is in the picture as well....there’s no way that is even remotely a “closed adoption.”

 

((edited for typo))

 

Kenya was raised by her dad's mother.  I think the contact with her mother came whenever her aunt Lori would let her come to their family gatherings.  They lived in the same city as her dad's mother.  She went to live with her dad in another state for a while (I think she said she was 12), but ran away back to his mother, who raised her from a baby.  I don't think she ever lived with aunt Lori, just visited.  And Kenya never speaks of her maternal grandmother so I'm not sure if she had any relationship with her either since it was maternal grandma and grandpa who were the reason her mother was so willing to give her away.  She did it to get back in their good graces.  I don't think they wanted to have anything to do with Kenya either since she was born out of wedlock.

Edited by swankie
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For all the talk about Kenya's comment to Porsha about having a dick in her mouth, Portia's comment about Kenya having to tuck her dick in every morning was equally over the line.

Edited by biakbiak
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Forgot about that, but I am sick and tired of phakedra and her whining about kandi, bitch you asked her what would you do!! I'm trying to find the clip but I could of sworn she asked something along the lines. I mean ENOUGH either forgive or forget and move on n*gga and stop with the talking heads about if people don't come visit her. And porsha is a flip flopper, she will side with anyone who is hurting on the current season! Liked Kim but this is not for her, bring on Omarossa!!!!!!!!!!

 

Eeep!  Is Omorssa a serious discussion for RHOA???  I think she would be a hoot!  I hope thats a serious discussion, no more boring betties like Kim F.

Sorry, but Kenya amuses me.

 

Me too....you can sit next to me if you'd like, but there is a lot of room on the bus so you probably want to pick your own window seat :)

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For all the talk about Kenya's comment to Porsha about having a dick in her mouth, Portia's comment about Kenya having to tuck her dick in every morning was equally over the line.

Not in my opinion. It's not plausible. I don't think that Kenya has to tuck, nor does she look like a man. Porsha, on the other hand, well that could be a true statement. I find it very crass.

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For all the talk about Kenya's comment to Porsha about having a dick in her mouth, Portia's comment about Kenya having to tuck her dick in every morning was equally over the line.

Thanks for reminding me, but I thought Phaedra said that, not Porsha.

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Not in my opinion. It's not plausible. I don't think that Kenya has to tuck, nor does she look like a man. Porsha, on the other hand, well that could be a true statement. I find it very crass.

Given we have seen hours and hours of footage with Porsha not having a dick in her mouth, in fact I don't think a sex tape has leaked so we havent seen any footage of her with a dick in her mouth, I don't see how it could be a true statement. Both are crass and over the line. One is slut shaming and one is transphobic.

Thanks for reminding me, but I thought Phaedra said that, not Porsha.

It was most definitely Porsha. Edited by biakbiak
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I think Kandi grew up with family members and relatives of friends, etc., in and out of jail, so that is something she's used to.

 

Kandi comes from a crazy family situation and they´re all about enabling the nastiness and problems. We saw it all in how she handled Mama Joyce. Kandi had no loyalty to her husband then, I´ve seen her be more loyal to Apollo than Todd, but maybe that will change now that MJ has warmed up to Todd. Kandi has been conditioned from an early age to be an enabler of people who are trouble, and to not think of herself or what is good for her. She can´t see the logic in trying to protect little kids, like the way Phaedra has been doing for her children.

 

I hate the way Kandi has acted in this matter as much as I hate the way the women have been making excuses for the guy who was acting violent towards Kenya. I´m not sure I want to watch this group anymore, they are fun in some ways (well not Kandi, I´m bored with her and she´s fallen way down from the place I held for her when she first started) but so dark and weird in others.

 

I totally hope that Phaedra sticks to her guns and never allows Apollo to see those boys while he is in prison. I think it´s just the morally right thing to do, I think the kids should have more rights than a really bad father who didn´t seem to give a damn about those boys while he was free. I also think Phaedra owns Kenya an apology for accusing her of stuff she didn´t do. That´s all Apollo´s fault too and she should admit that. Kenya is crazy, annoying and awful, but she doesn´t deserve any violence or to have lies told about her.

 

And lastly, I haven´t been seeing a fun Kandi at the reunion at all. She´s been giving off the biggest bitch face, and sometimes it´s almost like she´s about to cry, from rage or unhappiness, I´m not sure what it is.

Edited by halkatla
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I don't consider what Phaedra's dealing with with Kandi as being butt hurt and I think that's trivializing what Phaedra's issues are, to be honest.  I don't consider my friends to be of the overly butt hurt persuasion, but everyone has a deal breaker and apparently this is Phaedra's.  There is something to be said for being able to tell your friends when they're actin a fool, but there is also something to be said for realizing someone is having a really tough time and it's not about you and your opinion and keep your damn mouth shut.

 

Kandi has yet to be supportive of Phaedra in ANY instance concerning what's gone on with Apollo.  And it continued last night with "Well you married him!" or whatever he said.  I can probably bet that Phaedra has said that exact thing to herself 8,128 times since everything went down...she hardly needs to hear it from Kandi.

 

I don't consider myself to be overly sensitive, however the circumstances surrounding a certain time in my life continue to be a sore spot.  My friends don't take it upon themselves to start spouting off their opinions.  Mostly because they know what they'll get met with if they do.  I don't wanna hear your opinion.  Shutup.  I know what I'm doing.  I'm well aware I could be making choices that aren't the greatest...still don't wanna hear it.  If I wanna hear it, I'll ask.  What I'm doing isn't affecting (effecting?  always get those mixed up) your life in the least.  So shush.  Just be supportive.  

 

THAT is where Kandi comes off as an unfeeling, selfish bitch regarding what's happened to her friendship with Phaedra.  We're not talking about an outfit Phaedra wore that Kandi didn't like or a comment Phaedra made to Kenya that Kandi thought was out of line...this is her marriage and her kids.  And IMO, the demise of their friendship is Kandi's fault.  

 

And hey, maybe what Phaedra's doing is Kandi's deal breaker.  It can go both ways.  That's fine.  Maybe Kandi is completely against how Phaedra's handled it.  I don't know.  I don't claim to know where Kandi draws the lines in her life.  If that's how she feels...cool.  But what burns me is that she runs around making it seem like Phaedra is being completely melodramatic about how Kandi has treated her during this.  And I'm sorry but no.  

Some friends have different boundaries.  It wasn't necessarily wrong of Kandi to offer up her opinion and follow up information. It was obviously a bust and Phaedra felt she went too far and that's okay for her to feel but just because Kandi misjudged how forward she should have been doesn't mean Kandi was being a bad friend. It looks to me Kandi comes from the tough love, Imma let you know type of crew and every crew has different lines in the sand. She shared her opinion, followed it up with a real life example and that was that. Sometimes my friends don't just clam up cause they see I'm annoyed about it. Like I said I've had some situations where my friends will let me know about myself whether I want their opinion or not and yes there have been times when we've gone too far with each other but we've always been able to get back on track cause at the end of the day the extra we are friends. I'm not saying that Kandi's attempt didn't fail miserably and that she completely overshoot that line but I just saying I understand and I don't think she was trying to be a fucked up friend or throw shade. I feel like it was truly coming from a place of concern for the situation as a whole.

Edited by Yours Truly
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Forgot about that, but I am sick and tired of phakedra and her whining about kandi, bitch you asked her what would you do!! I'm trying to find the clip but I could of sworn she asked something along the lines. I mean ENOUGH either forgive or forget and move on n*gga and stop with the talking heads about if people don't come visit her. And porsha is a flip flopper, she will side with anyone who is hurting on the current season! Liked Kim but this is not for her, bring on Omarossa!!!!!!!!!!

What I wish someone would bring to Phaedra's attention is that Kandi was going through some real tough times herself. They were struggling to get pregnant, Mama Joyce was showing out left and right and and there was major beef with with Todds mom which is obviously gonna cause friction in her very NEW marriage her play was closing leaving many people out of work, Todd's daughter had come to live with them.. I mean Kandi be getting on my nerves with a lot of shit but I'm really getting tired of Kandi being raked over the coals for "not being a friend" when it didn't look like Phaedra was making any effort to keep communication alive. Yes, Phaedra had some raw shit happening in her life but the combination of shit flying around Kandi's life wasn't making it so that she could be at Phaedra's doorstep licking her asscrack and checking on her morning noon and night.

 

Look, I am the biggest advocate about friends checking in when there's crazy shit happening and not using the whole "life is crazy right now" as an excuse to go MIA on a friend going through something but at the same time I can still understand if someone isn't making it their job to be hovering over me when I know they've got a lot going on. The reason why there was distance was because of the initial wedge that started with Phaedra not being happy with Kandi's opinion. Had that awkwardness not happened I think Kandi probably would have been more present but since Phaedra pulled away I'm guessing Kandi followed her lead and decided to fall back and give her that space. Which was the completely wrong move cause it read like she wasn't being supportive. Kandi can be lazy when it come to making efforts. She senses discord and she likes to hide but I think that's has a lot to do with her not being comfortable confronting friends. She sensed there was something in the air and she hoped all that was necessary was a little time and space. Unfortunately she dropped the ball but she did it accidentally and not because she didn't care about Phaedra.

 

All I know is that Phaedra was the other half of this friendship too and even when we are going through stuff we should still be mindful of the demands we expect from our friends. I don't think Phaedra needed to take the shade where she took it. And if she was that upset over Kandi's opinion then real friends handle it and if she wasn't in a place to handle it then you shelf that shit til you can but she was in an okay enough state to discuss with others. Nah, she was too quick to throw her own friend under the bus. That wasn't cool either cause going through a hard time doesn't completely excuse her from some of her obligations to her friend which is to not be so quick to trash the friendship just cause you mad about something.

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There's always something that a woman could do to change a man's behavior. If the woman just knew her place and just acted meek and put dinner on the table and didn't wear that shirt and.... oh I'm sorry, I just realized that I'm back in 2016 again. Flashbacks to a different time watching this awful reunion.

 

Such a dark/sad statement on society.

An adult is responsible for their own behavior regardless of what the person in front of them did or didn't do. This is violence towards women 101, sadly some of the ladies on this show have not caught up.

There's a difference between being an abuse victim and being smart.

 

I think the point that's being made is that Politically correct or not politically correct a punch in the face is gonna hurt. HHmmmmn do I want to exercise my right to pop off at the mouth and be stank or do I want to keep myself and others safe by trying not to ESCALATE a volatile situation?

 

It's always wrong for people to put their hands on one another or be threatening and aggressive but I think what some of its about is that when its all over whether a person is wrong or not to have done something the consequences remain the consequences and even though Glen was all kinds of wrong I would rather that we talk about how wrong he was afterwards over a cup of tea and not sitting in the ER waiting room with my teeth in my hands. It's not about suggesting the violence was invited it's about being mindful of how unstable the situation is and proceeding with caution so that nobody does anything RASH or harmful. This isn't "blame the victim" mentality (although coming from Porsha and Phaedra it kinda is) but there is just something to be said about the act of deescalation. It's a valid point.

 

Police negotiators don't run up on a scene and buck up on a suspect even though it's obvious the suspect is in the process of doing something wrong. They try to DEESCALATE the situation and try not to make it worse. Same concept.

Edited by Yours Truly
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What I wish someone would bring to Phaedra's attention is that Kandi was going through some real tough times herself. They were struggling to get pregnant, Mama Joyce was showing out left and right and and there was major beef with with Todds mom which is obviously gonna cause friction in her very NEW marriage her play was closing leaving many people out of work, Todd's daughter had come to live with them.. I mean Kandi be getting on my nerves with a lot of shit but I'm really getting tired of Kandi being raked over the coals for "not being a friend" when it didn't look like Phaedra was making any effort to keep communication alive. Yes, Phaedra had some raw shit happening in her life but the combination of shit flying around Kandi's life wasn't making it so that she could be at Phaedra's doorstep licking her asscrack and checking on her morning noon and night.

I concur. I thought during that time last season that it seemed like when Kandi did ask how are things going with the whole Apollo situation Phaedra would basically gloss over the whole thing and not really tell Kandi anything. So I do not know if Kandi really knew the extent of what Phaedra was feeling. I do think Kandi mishandled the situation as well and the whole thing is both of their faults. I can also see when they get to somewhat of a good place, then the show airs, and you see all of Phaedra's TH's it probably brings up everything all over again.

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Some friends have different boundaries.  It wasn't necessarily wrong of Kandi to offer up her opinion and follow up information. It was obviously a bust and Phaedra felt she went too far and that's okay for her to feel but just because Kandi misjudged how forward she should have been doesn't mean Kandi was being a bad friend. It looks to me Kandi comes from the tough love, Imma let you know type of crew and every crew has different lines in the sand. She shared her opinion, followed it up with a real life example and that was that. Sometimes my friends don't just clam up cause they see I'm annoyed about it. Like I said I've had some situations where my friends will let me know about myself whether I want their opinion or not and yes there have been times when we've gone too far with each other but we've always been able to get back on track cause at the end of the day the extra we are friends. I'm not saying that Kandi's attempt didn't fail miserably and that she completely overshoot that line but I just saying I understand and I don't think she was trying to be a fucked up friend or throw shade. I feel like it was truly coming from a place of concern for the situation as a whole.

 

No, but she's been a shitty friend since.  Instead of admitting she overshot the line and apologizing, she's instead decided to make it seem like Phaedra is somehow blowing what she did out of proportion.  She's thrown her fair share of shade since then.  It's become clear that Kandi is one of those people who thinks every move she makes is the correct one and if you get offended by it well then you are clearly over sensitive and kind of a baby.  Look at how she treated her own husband about his very well founded issues with her mother.  Look at how she treated her husband's mother concerning the same thing.  Hand waving, dismissing, and generally treating both of them like their issues were baseless.  If Kandi has good intentions that backfire and end up offending someone well that's just too goddamn bad for you.  Suck it up.

I concur. I thought during that time last season that it seemed like when Kandi did ask how are things going with the whole Apollo situation Phaedra would basically gloss over the whole thing and not really tell Kandi anything. So I do not know if Kandi really knew the extent of what Phaedra was feeling. I do think Kandi mishandled the situation as well and the whole thing is both of their faults. I can also see when they get to somewhat of a good place, then the show airs, and you see all of Phaedra's TH's it probably brings up everything all over again.

 

The major difference here is Phaedra didn't offer up an opinion on why it is Kandi wasn't getting pregnant.  She didn't drag her to a fertility doctor to get his/her opinion on the subject.  And she didn't minimize or trivialize what it was Kandi was going through.  

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Look, I am the biggest advocate about friends checking in when there's crazy shit happening and not using the whole "life is crazy right now" as an excuse to go MIA on a friend going through something but at the same time I can still understand if someone isn't making it their job to be hovering over me when I know they've got a lot going on. The reason why there was distance was because of the initial wedge that started with Phaedra not being happy with Kandi's opinion. Had that awkwardness not happened I think Kandi probably would have been more present but since Phaedra pulled away I'm guessing Kandi followed her lead and decided to fall back and give her that space. Which was the completely wrong move cause it read like she wasn't being supportive. Kandi can be lazy when it come to making efforts. She senses discord and she likes to hide but I think that's has a lot to do with her not being comfortable confronting friends. She sensed there was something in the air and she hoped all that was necessary was a little time and space. Unfortunately she dropped the ball but she did it accidentally and not because she didn't care about Phaedra.

I can agree with this.  I think Phaedra was affronted when Kandi did the "You should let Apollo see his kids" thing and rather than tell Kandi to mind her own business, Phaedra gathered her skirts around her and sat back feeling aggrieved.  I completely understand how Phaedra felt because I, too, don't think it's any of Kandi's business, particularly given that Kandi hasn't shown herself to be the best judge of men, either, so her being willing to foster a relationship between a child and his incarcerated father doesn't mean that Phaedra has to go the same route.  I also think saying it one time was enough.  She didn't then need to add on the show-and-tell of her cousin or whoever he was (who didn't turn out to be the best example, given that he became a criminal himself at some point).  However, Phaedra had an opportunity to handle it better.  She could have said to Kandi, "It's hurting my feelings/angering me that you're pushing this.  I heard you out and took it to heart but I still disagree.  I need your support right now.  If you can't support my decision, you can at least remain silent on it and support me as your friend who is going through a tough situation."  But Phaedra didn't handle it that way.

 

At this point, they should know each other well enough to navigate the rocky waters better.  I don't know either of them from a can of paint, but simply from watching them on television, I can see how to do it.

 

Kandi avoids conflict at all costs and is willing to let her friends fight her battles and speak for her, whenever possible. Because of this, Phaedra should know that if she shows any signs of pulling away, Kandi will let her and won't press.  Kandi will not be the one to continue calling/texting/checking in.  She will figure that if Phaedra wants to talk, she'll approach Kandi.  Phaedra should have been firm about her boundaries regarding the boys and then said to Kandi, "I need you.  I'm having a hard time and I need you."  Kandi has her faults, but she's shown herself to be a loyal friend.  I think she would have set aside their disagreement and been present.

 

Kandi knows that Phaedra tries her level best to appear unruffled and unbothered by everything.  She is aware that Phaedra is protective of her boys and of her image.  Kandi should have had her says about the boys/Apollo ONCE and been done with it.  She should have chosen Phaedra's side in the mess or, if she couldn't choose her side, stayed silent.  Kandi has been judgmental in all this and it wasn't her place.

 

As for the Don Juan 'nem debacle, Phaedra was dead wrong for pretty much calling them "the help", but damn if Kandi ain't dead wrong for not checking them from time to time.  She will side and roll with them over everybody, except her mama, and that includes her husband.  

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I still can't believe these smart, educated women continue to defend that piece of shit Glen for being violent, even after SEEING THE FOOTAGE.

Child, I can't.

They defend him because then they can have another thing to blame Kenya for. Cynthia and Kandi were right, Kenya does indeed push buttons but not every bad thing that happens is her fault.

Porsha's a thug. Period. I can't remember exactly what it was she said to Kenya, but she ended it with "Bitch!!" and bobbing her head back and forth. She's a loose cannon and with three physical altercations to her credit already, I am betting there will be more. To be such a beautiful woman and act like a bully, thug, lowlife. Grow up.

I don't care whether Kenya's mother called her or not, bottom line is that her mother literally gave her child away. And I agree her family has really let her down by not helping her or having her back. Kenya's job on the show is to stir things up, but that one episode made me sad for her.

Why was Kim so dumbfounded at the footage of Sheree and Kim Z? I swear, I think Kim's never watched this show. It's been evident by her reactions to the fights and disagreements, but now I really believe she's never watched.

Peter lives in Charlotte full time now, I have heard from friends who live there. He and Cynthia are not in a "good place" except that she's finally rid of his sorry ass. Go back to Leon, honey, now's your chance!

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No, but she's been a shitty friend since.  Instead of admitting she overshot the line and apologizing, she's instead decided to make it seem like Phaedra is somehow blowing what she did out of proportion.  She's thrown her fair share of shade since then.  It's become clear that Kandi is one of those people who thinks every move she makes is the correct one and if you get offended by it well then you are clearly over sensitive and kind of a baby.  Look at how she treated her own husband about his very well founded issues with her mother.  Look at how she treated her husband's mother concerning the same thing.  Hand waving, dismissing, and generally treating both of them like their issues were baseless.  If Kandi has good intentions that backfire and end up offending someone well that's just too goddamn bad for you.  Suck it up.

 

The major difference here is Phaedra didn't offer up an opinion on why it is Kandi wasn't getting pregnant.  She didn't drag her to a fertility doctor to get his/her opinion on the subject.  And she didn't minimize or trivialize what it was Kandi was going through.  

Shitty friend since? You mean through a pregnancy, the death of her mother in law, and new baby? Okay.

 

Kandi didn't any of those things either. She kept it real like friends do. Phaedra didn't receive it well which was her right and that's all there was to it. IMO.

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Shitty friend since? You mean through a pregnancy, the death of her mother in law, and new baby? Okay.

 

Kandi didn't any of those things either. She kept it real like friends do. Phaedra didn't receive it well which was her right and that's all there was to it. IMO.

 

No I mean by eye rolling, dismissing, and hand waving away Phaedra's feelings.  If Kandi would like some understanding that she was going through some shit of her own and Phaedra should understand that, she should maybe try to see how that works herself first.

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I concur. I thought during that time last season that it seemed like when Kandi did ask how are things going with the whole Apollo situation Phaedra would basically gloss over the whole thing and not really tell Kandi anything. So I do not know if Kandi really knew the extent of what Phaedra was feeling. I do think Kandi mishandled the situation as well and the whole thing is both of their faults. I can also see when they get to somewhat of a good place, then the show airs, and you see all of Phaedra's TH's it probably brings up everything all over again.

And this is where Kandi and Phaedra differ to me as to how real friends act. Problems or no problems Kandi was not shading Phaedra to the other ladies when they were talking about Chocolate or this or that. She used to steer clear of the conversation and not really add anything to whatever chatter was going on (BH housewives take note). I say this cause Kandi brought up a good point that I wish was mulled over a bit more and that was that no matter what goes down with the show Kandi admits to never taking it there in talking heads or with the other cast members. And come on over the seasons you can see when Kandi sorta clams up and you can see the wheels turning where you know she is considering all angles of whats going on. She knows the show is angling for this that and the other but she's also mindful of her real life friendships and relationships. Kandi has restraint and doesn't let the "obligations" or the "mechanics" of the show completely take over her own will. She's very aware of how the show can affect her real relationships with friends, family etc. so she's not quick to give in to recklessness like the others for the sake of bringing drama like the others do. I think the big difference is that Phaedra was more than happy to use her genuine disappointment in Kandi as one of her plot lines for the show whereas Kandi isn't so quick to include and hype up her personal conflicts for dramatic effect or include it just for Bravo's sake. Nah, that's not how she rolls and that's why I can back Kandi with this.  Kandi pointed out something about not going in so hard when they are on the show because her and Phaedra were real friends outside of the show and was hurt to see that Phaedra doesn't operate the same way. Kandi may have had a few missteps but there is hardly any footage of Kandi shading Phaedra nearly as hard as the way Phaedra was going in about Kandi in this scene that scene, TH etc. etc. I mean damn even if you mad at your friend, you don't need to be so quick to negatively discuss your friend to anyone who'll listen and that's what Phaedra stayed doing.

No I mean by eye rolling, dismissing, and hand waving away Phaedra's feelings.  If Kandi would like some understanding that she was going through some shit of her own and Phaedra should understand that, she should maybe try to see how that works herself first.

Phaedra has her own dismissive facial expressions and body language so I'm not inclined to be one sided when it comes to them but that's just me.

Edited by Yours Truly
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Kandi avoids conflict at all costs and is willing to let her friends fight her battles and speak for her, whenever possible. Because of this, Phaedra should know that if she shows any signs of pulling away, Kandi will let her and won't press.  Kandi will not be the one to continue calling/texting/checking in.  She will figure that if Phaedra wants to talk, she'll approach Kandi.  Phaedra should have been firm about her boundaries regarding the boys and then said to Kandi, "I need you.  I'm having a hard time and I need you."  Kandi has her faults, but she's shown herself to be a loyal friend.  I think she would have set aside their disagreement and been present.

 

Exactly wasn't there a problem with her and Carman because Carman and Todd had gotten into it or something and Carman was mad that Kandi didn't reach out to her for like a day or days or something like that? I remember thinking Kandi really doesn't do conflict well at all. And Carman has been her friend for a looooooooooooooonnggggg time yet Kandi still didn't know how to make Carman feel better or what Carman needed for her to do. I don't like that part about Kandi but at least you can see that she struggles with it. She has emotions over it, she's not completely cold about it and I think that's why she still has her friendships even with her flaws cause its pretty obvious that she cares even if she isn't exactly on point with this or that.

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Exactly wasn't there a problem with her and Carman because Carman and Todd had gotten into it or something and Carman was mad that Kandi didn't reach out to her for like a day or days or something like that? I remember thinking Kandi really doesn't do conflict well at all. And Carman has been her friend for a looooooooooooooonnggggg time yet Kandi still didn't know how to make Carman feel better or what Carman needed for her to do. I don't like that part about Kandi but at least you can see that she struggles with it. She has emotions over it, she's not completely cold about it and I think that's why she still has her friendships even with her flaws cause its pretty obvious that she cares even if she isn't exactly on point with this or that.

 

You can also tell Kandi doesn't like confrontation because when she has to say something to someone that's of a personal and serious nature, her voice gets shaky and it sounds like he's trying to fight the urge to cry. It's uncomfortable for her and while that is something she should work on, her behavior has always been consistent. She may not want to reach out after a disagreement because she can't navigate the situation well, but she has never turned her friends away regardless of the circumstances. Phaedra's behavior is also consistent - she didn't reach out to Kandi during her pregnancy or hardships because she felt she was wronged and so she held a grudge, was bitter and threw shade at her friend every chance she got.

 

In the end, I'm more likely to say Phaedra is the shitty friend here. Kandi not handling confrontation or disagreements well does not change that her actions and words have always supported the notion that she comes from a good place with her friends. Phaedra cannot say the same thing.

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They defend him because then they can have another thing to blame Kenya for. Cynthia and Kandi were right, Kenya does indeed push buttons but not every bad thing that happens is her fault.

Porsha's a thug. Period. I can't remember exactly what it was she said to Kenya, but she ended it with "Bitch!!" and bobbing her head back and forth. She's a loose cannon and with three physical altercations to her credit already, I am betting there will be more. To be such a beautiful woman and act like a bully, thug, lowlife. Grow up.

I don't care whether Kenya's mother called her or not, bottom line is that her mother literally gave her child away. And I agree her family has really let her down by not helping her or having her back. Kenya's job on the show is to stir things up, but that one episode made me sad for her.

Why was Kim so dumbfounded at the footage of Sheree and Kim Z? I swear, I think Kim's never watched this show. It's been evident by her reactions to the fights and disagreements, but now I really believe she's never watched.

Peter lives in Charlotte full time now, I have heard from friends who live there. He and Cynthia are not in a "good place" except that she's finally rid of his sorry ass. Go back to Leon, honey, now's your chance!

Porsha's 'tuck' comment, head bobbing, and "Bitch" at the end were all in response to Kenya's "dick in your mouth" (planned weeeeeeeks in advance IMO) comment.

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Kandi really doesn't do conflict well at all.

No, she doesn't. Her voice starts to crack and waver, and you can tell she's about to break down and cry in some instances.

Friendship is a two-way street. I recently found out a longtime friend died back in November, I am just now hearing about it. I called, left messages, emailed. He would now and then, but he didn't stay in touch. One day, both Kandi and Phaedra will realize they equally need to stay in touch if they want the friendship to stay intact. Having Apollo in the mix didn't help matters. Kandi has more friends who she's close to than Phaedra does, and maybe Phaedra could take a page from Kandi's book on that subject.

Porsha's 'tuck' comment, head bobbing, and "Bitch" at the end were all in response to Kenya's "dick in your mouth" (planned weeeeeeeks in advance IMO) comment.

Speaking of which, where did Porsha come up with the one-eyed African story? LMAO!!! Perhaps he rode in on that underground railroad train.

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I don't care whether Kenya's mother called her or not, bottom line is that her mother literally gave her child away. And I agree her family has really let her down by not helping her or having her back. Kenya's job on the show is to stir things up, but that one episode made me sad for her.

 

 

We don't know the real story behind why Kenya's mother disowned her but for any child to go through that, they've been wronged. It's sad to see but despite all that Kenya has shown a genuine willingness to reconnect with her mother. Hearing other stories at the reunion about how they would be in the same room and her mother wouldn't even acknowledge her, that's really hard. However, that episode did leave me a little curious. She can't get her mother to acknowledge her presence in room with other family members. The odds seemed stacked against her that she would get any better of a reception walking up to her mother's front door unexpected with a camera crew in tow. However, maybe that's what she needed for closure. Having that forever as a memory is maybe the reminder she may need from time to time to that she did what she could to find peace with that relationship. I don't think her mama issues excuse how nasty she can be but her mom ordeal makes me feel for her.

Edited by RHJunkie
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