S04.E09: What Happened In Vegas

[Tara Ariano]

Not all stays in Vegas when Sandoval and Schwartz surprise their girlfriends with Sin City news. Meanwhile, Kristen returns to SUR and apologizes to Ariana; Sandoval and Ariana take the stage at the Improv; James tries to sabotage Jax's love life.

[BogoGog24]

Heads up- this episode for whatever reason is airing TONIGHT (Sunday) at 9 after RHOA, not Monday like the usual time. I don't know why they changed it.

[Ubiquitous]

Thanks for the warning!

Not all stays in Vegas when Sandoval and Schwartz surprise their girlfriends with Sin City news. Meanwhile, Kristen returns to SUR and apologizes to Ariana; Sandoval and Ariana take the stage at the Improv; James tries to sabotage Jax's love life.

The Toms' news: we got married!

[HunterHunted]

The Toms' news: we got married!

Love this!!!!!!!

Katie would go nuclear if Schwartz was able to commit so quickly to Sandoval.

[ivygirl]

I've seen more than my share of butt now.

Other random musings:

"Tweedledee and tweedle-f'in-idiot" is quite possibly the funniest thing Jax has said in the run of the show.

Kristen: "when am I NOT calm?" Lady, if we showed clips, it'd take up the full hour. :) But she IS being much more calm now. Good on her.

Ariana was really rude to Kristen and doesn't have much room to act like she had been on the high road the whole time. I'm tired of her smarter-than-you, above-you attitude. And her smug look as Tom was discussing Kristen with his mom... She's obnoxious. And they both COMPLETELY overreacted about Kristen going on the trip. They are not "over" anything if they're flipping out like that.

Katie looked really good when she visited Tom on that shoot!

[Ubiquitous]

THAT was the big surprise?

Jax: He sure looked greasy (and possibly high) this week.

Kristen: Nice to see she's trying to make amends and move on, but why is she still hanging around in the SUR alley?

FI Tom: Was his butt tattoo a baseball team logo or the scarlet letter ("A" for "adulter")?

Shwartie: OMG! He did his signature move at the photo shoot! Ha ha ha ha! Also, wasn't his tatoo missing an "h" or two?

Arianna: Shut up, bitch. Would it hurt you to act civil to Kristen and like you're over the past? Also, your stupid diary reading reminded me of Sweet Dee for some reason.

Lala: I forgot what I was going to write, but shaddup, basic!

Edited December 28, 2015 by Ubiquitous

[BogoGog24]

I agree. Can't stand Ariana. Her diary reading would have been funnier if she just read it instead of pretending like it was a play. #TryingTooHard And she was unnecessarily rude to Kristen with the whole "my friends are intelligent and funny and you're not so you can't be my friend." Ugh. She deserves that ugly ass tattoo.

There's just too much snark worthy lines in this episode. The lack of self awareness from these morons is hysterical! Kristen: "I'm a catch!" James: "I'm so much better than Jax!" Lala: "Why do you look so good Jax?" Bahahaha!!! They have me rolling.

I agree Katie looked fabulous when she visited Tom at his shoot. Her hair and makeup really looked nice. Ugh she can do so much better, really. His ass tattoo was not much better than Tom's. I hated how Katie was getting screamed at by Tom and Ariana over nothing and he just sat there stuffing his face with noodles. He's just not a man or husband material at all, why does she desperately want to marry this guy? He seems nice enough and all but he's just so immature. Not exactly what you look for in a husband and potential father of your children. Come on Katie, you can do so much better.

Jax is more disgusting than ever. What's he doing with this Brittany chick if he's fooling around with Lala? I mostly liked Lala up until now, the fact she sees something in Jax just makes her a huge idiot. And the fact she thinks of herself as the female version of him... Girl that ain't nothing to be proud of.

Lisa was funny: "How did this heroic woman push out a man who plucks his eyebrows and shaves his forehead?" Bwahahaha!

[The Mighty Peanut]

I'm secretly thrilled that Amazing Ariana aka The Smug Unicorn is getting the bitch edit this season. It's been a long time coming. Go be joyless and oh-so-much smarter and prettier than Kristen alone in your bounce house.

I'm just over the moon that the reaction across the board to the Bubba tattoo was "don't go to prison." LOVE.

Edited December 28, 2015 by The Mighty Peanut

[RileyCorolla]

Ariana at the diary show: cringeworthy. Why is it funny that she feared that she was surrounded by lesbians? You could tell she thought she was so very hilarious, but her delivery was self-conscious and unprofessional and her material sucked. She's "an actress who understands comedy?" My ass.

At least Sandoval is an idiot who seems to understand he's an idiot and is good-humored and enthusiastic about showing all what an idiot he is. It makes him likable and somewhat self-aware.

I understand why he freaked out about Kristen going on the trip, because he's an emotional guy like that. I love how real this show is. For Sandoval, this really is his life and he doesn't want to spend his bday trip with his mind-fucking ex. For him, that trumps that they are all stuck with each other on this reality ride. Ariana just gets less and less cool the more we see her, doesn't she?

And Kristen just keeps getting better looking. She looked super hot at the club with Jax. This show really benefits from her special brand of crazy. This episode was a big improvement over last week's and I think she is why.

[Ubiquitous]

How could I forget Shwartzie scarfing down his spaghetti O's while Flat Iron was having a tantrum about Kristen attending his and Jax's bday bash? I love that moron!

[The Mighty Peanut]

So, Lala said "Papi", "drunky skunky", and something else I forgot but makes me want to commit suicide.

[WhosThatGirl]

Araina and her stupid journal you guys! Also, stop acting like you were so amazing for helping a guy cheat on his girlfriend. Ugh. I'm just sad that the Toms didn't get married, I would have been so happy if that had happened.  I feel like I'm waiting for my OTP to finally admit their feelings for each other. 

Edited December 28, 2015 by WhosThatGirl

[Ubiquitous]

Araina and her stupid journal you guys! Also, stop acting like you were so amazing for helping a guy cheat on his girlfriend. Ugh. I'm just sad that the Toms didn't get married, I would have been so happy if that had happened. I feel like I'm waiting for my OTP to finally admit their feelings for each other.

I don't think the Toms deserve that, but Arianna does.

I am incredulous that the boys actually went to work without showering after a weekend of debauchery in Vegas.

Edited December 28, 2015 by Ubiquitous

[Budgita]

Jax was killing me when he said that Ariana would hate the tat(although it is terrible) because she pretty much hates everything..love that we're finally getting to see the "real Amazing Ari" shine through this season. Her diary was offensive to comedy..and journals.

[WhosThatGirl]

I do like how in past seasons Ariana was shown to be such a carefree awesome girl and now she just seems angry and "over it"  about everything. 

[The Mighty Peanut]

For all their issues, Katie and Tom do seem to love each other. There's an affection between them that isn't forced. FI and Ariana have always seemed like they were putting on a show and now we're starting to see that beneath their epic affair is a girl crying at her birthday party and a boy who'd rather be playing with his bulldozer. If he isn't cheating on her, or if he is and she stays with him anyway, I think on both their parts it's less out of love and more to prove a point to Kristen. Kristen has this amazing unintentional ability to make people blame her for everything and misdirect/project their emotions for years to come out of spite. James with his weird passionate hatred of Jax, Tom and Ariana with their need to be the greatest love story of all time.

ETA: I'm curious to see if Brandy Howard and Julie Goldman (aftershow hosts) say anything about Ariana and her diaries from Lesbian U.

ETA Part 2: I'm sure the joint birthday party is just a set-up by producers, but putting that aside for a moment if Tom had his own birthday party there would be no uproar about Kristen or lack thereof (except from me because I love her). His birthday, his guests. But by making it a joint birthday party of 2-3 people I think there needs to be an acknowledgement that not everyone is going to be totally happy with the guest list. I'd say the same thing about Jax if FI and the others wanted James to come. And OMG Ariana needs to quit pretending that Kristen is going to actually murder her because she quipped that she wanted to push her off the boat 2 years ago. It's bullshit. I listen to several VPR podcasts because I have no life and this is something she and FI maintain--that Kristen and Miami Girl are actually dangerous and pose threat of physical harm. It's ridiculous.

Edited December 28, 2015 by The Mighty Peanut

[WhosThatGirl]

For all their issues, Katie and Tom do seem to love each other. There's an affection between them that isn't forced. FI and Ariana have always seemed like they were putting on a show and now we're starting to see that beneath their epic affair is a girl crying at her birthday party and a boy who'd rather be playing with his bulldozer. If he isn't cheating on her, or if he is and she stays with him anyway, I think on both their parts it's less out of love and more to prove a point to Kristen. Kristen has this amazing unintentional ability to make people blame her for everything and misdirect/project their emotions for years to come out of spite. James with his weird passionate hatred of Jax, Tom and Ariana with their need to be the greatest love story of all time.

I think you are right on it. I'e always felt this way, ever since the reunion. Probably because I still believe something happened in Miami with FI and that girl and I think Ari knows that as well. I think she probably has gotten over it because according to both parties, they weren't officially official and if they had just said something along the lines of, "yes that did happen, but we have gotten over that" I would maybe believe they like each other.  But no one on this show has any right to talk about anything, except for Katie. She seems to be the only decent person ever. Schwartz is okay too at times but I can't forget he cheated as well.  But aren't all of these people awful? In terms of romantic relationships, they all kind of are. 

[ivygirl]

ETA: I'm curious to see if Brandy Howard and Julie Goldman (aftershow hosts) say anything about Ariana and her diaries from Lesbian U.

I hope so. For someone who claims to be "an actress who understand comedy," that whole reading was completely devoid of humor, self awareness, and any sort of timing.

Sandoval did OK. He poked fun at himself, and he also is obviously used to performing, so he was more engaging to the audience. He continues to grow on me, actually.

[The Mighty Peanut]

I admit I have a mild hate-on for Ariana and it's not entirely fair, but ever since she said she was smarter than everyone she has ever met I've been wary of her. Her tweets aren't helping. She's clearly getting some backlash and her response is basically everyone is fake and dumb except her. What show does she think she's on? Allegiances change all the time. People cheat and fuck and scream and make up and rinse, wipe, repeat (unless it's after Vegas in which case they don't rinse first). It's fake to act as though the rules don't apply because she's too cool...and she needs to watch out with Bravo because she's not an exciting player and now she's publicly calling out production. Andy is not going to like that.

Edited December 28, 2015 by The Mighty Peanut

[WhosThatGirl]

I follow her on twitter, but don't really go looking at it too much. Those are funny. To be perfectly honest, I dislike pretty much this whole cast, but seriously, I don't really get when reality starts get mad at production. For any reality show and the excuse is always something like, "production edited it that way".  Andy though does seem like he is the type to get mad about that. I hope he does call her on it. 

[ivygirl]

Of course Ariana is "100." Is she also the smugshrug?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Ubiquitous]

I admit I have a mild hate-on for Ariana and it's not entirely fair, but ever since she said she was smarter than everyone she has ever met I've been wary of her. Her tweets aren't helping. She's clearly getting some backlash and her response is basically everyone is fake and dumb except her. What show does she think she's on? Allegiances change all the time. People cheat and fuck and scream and make up and rinse, wipe, repeat (unless it's after Vegas in which case they don't rinse first). It's fake to act as though the rules don't apply because she's too cool...and she needs to watch out with Bravo because she's not an exciting player and now she's publicly calling out production. Andy is not going to like that.

I wonder if she's getting the "bitch edit" this year b/c of her diary reading? Adam tends to this after someone disses gays, but not sure how strongly he feels this about lesbians.

Of course Ariana is "100." Is she also the smugshrug?¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I thought that was "one dollar and zero cents".

[ivygirl]

I wonder if she's getting the "bitch edit" this year b/c of her diary reading? Adam tends to this after someone disses gays, but not sure how strongly he feels this about lesbians.

I'm wondering if it also has to do with Kristen's emergence as an actual, likable character on the show. She's showing that she can be a cool person, and Ariana is showing how ridiculous it is that she claims to be so "cool" about it and yet can't move on.

I thought that was "one dollar and zero cents".

It took me a while to figure out what it even meant. I had to ask Meghan Edmonds to do some googling for me. Apparently it's used to show that you're "keeping it (100%) real."

[Ubiquitous]

Ariana was really rude to Kristen and doesn't have much room to act like she had been on the high road the whole time. I'm tired of her smarter-than-you, above-you attitude. And her smug look as Tom was discussing Kristen with his mom... She's obnoxious.

What the heck was that's tory about FI's mom locking herself out of the house and having to kick the front door in? Why didn't Tom open the door and let her inside?

 

Jax is more disgusting than ever. What's he doing with this Brittany chick if he's fooling around with Lala? I mostly liked Lala up until now, the fact she sees something in Jax just makes her a huge idiot. And the fact she thinks of herself as the female version of him... Girl that ain't nothing to be proud of.

I do love how he's talking about being monogamous all this time. Did he tell LaLa about Britany?

 

I'm curious to see if Brandy Howard and Julie Goldman (aftershow hosts) say anything about Ariana and her diaries from Lesbian U.

Alas, the final ep of the aftershow was last week.

 

It took me a while to figure out what it even meant. I had to ask Meghan Edmonds to do some googling for me. Apparently it's used to show that you're "keeping it (100%) real."

 I wondered if that was the intention but without the percentage sign and the zeros being in superscript like an old-fashioned hand-written price tag, I wasn't sure.

[ghoulina]

Wow, the Toms. Just when you thought those chucklefucks couldn't get any dumber, they go and tattoo their asses. I love how they wouldn't even commit to the full names either. No "Katie", no "Ariana". Although, if I were the girls, I wouldn't be sure whether that was an insult or a positive to the whole horrible debacle. If you're going to memorialize your girl on your body, the butt really isn't the place to do it. How about the ankle? Inner bicep? Anything but the butt! 

 

I mean, let's face it. Schwartz now has "Bubba" on his ass. He might as well rob and bank and get it over with, because all I see is prison in his future. And Sandoval....it wouldn't even really matter if the "artist" used a dirty needle, because his ass already looks infected. SO SO bad. You know it's bad when your tatts are worse than Jax's! 

 

I'm loving all the moms this season! So interesting. Sandoval's mom is a badass firefighter, who would've thunk it? I loved when he was all, "This is where I get my toughness from". Ummmm...dude, we've seen you cry like 70 times on the show. You shave your forehead and can't live without a flatiron. I'm pretty sure you're nothing like your hard as nails mother, but that's okay. 

 

The diary reading actually seemed like a pretty fun idea, but Ariana was trying way TOO hard. That chick really thinks she's too cool for school, huh? "I'm an actress who's funny". Yea, keep telling yourself that. 

 

And how about her meeting with Kristen? Look, I don't trust Kristen as far as James could throw her. I think she's still as crazy as ever, but has a new tactic - which is, I'll act totally sane and rational and drive everyone else crazy! And I'm loving it! So yea, if I were Ariana, I wouldn't necessarily believe anything that came out of her mouth. But Miss Amazing could have handled herself better. Instead she came across looking self righteous and petty. Why not just say, "I'm not sure I believe it, but I appreciate your apology" and leave it at that? There was really no need to go on and on about how you and Kristen could NEVER be friends because you're friends are all so smart and fun and good looking. Um, hello, you hang out with Jax! Your own boyfriend and his BFF4L are the idiots who thought it was a great idea to get shitty tattoos on their butts. They're the ones who went into a business meeting with NO plan. On purpose! But yes, let's keep operating under the illusion that you are attending Mensa meetings when your shift is over at Sur. 

 

No, the reality is, Ariana is slightly more articulate than her co-workers (which isn't saying much), so by comparison she thinks herself a genius. But, honestly? She's just average. Everything about her is average. NOT amazing. 

 

And she's not even a very good girlfriend, IMO. Tom wanted to point out that when he was with Kristen she was his number one hater - but how supportive have we seen Ariana be? Sure, your tattoo is idiotic, but she could have at least acted a LITTLE bit flattered like Katie did. Instead, I get the impression he's sleeping on the couch until that flaming A has been lazered off. And she mercilessly mocked his book of songs. (Which were very snark worthy, but again...you're his girlfriend!) She just seems to love to put herself in positions where she feels superior to everyone, and is going to let them know it. She might be my current least favorite person on the show. 

 

Well, I don't know....might be a tie with Lala. She just irritates me. I hate how she says, "Hey, Papi!" when she enters a room. I hate how she kisses other dudes in front of other dudes and obviously wants all the dudes fighting over her. And not even hot dudes either - but scrawny, twitchy James and sweaty, aging Jax. Gross. Then there was her whole, "People might THINK they have a boyfriend, but that's not really MY problem". Ugh, HATE chicks like that. Yes, the person cheating is responsible for their actions, but if you KNOW a guy is taken, why go there??? I mean, as much as Jax fucks around, is disease not even a factor? The whole thing just makes me want a shower. She has no self respect. 

 

I did kind of love Kristen and Jax's night on the town. As soon as Kristen found a dude who wasn't a model OR an actor, her tongue was down his throat. Hilarious!!!

 

Schwartz, you have a pretty face, but do some crunches. 

[ghoulina]

I understand why he freaked out about Kristen going on the trip, because he's an emotional guy like that. I love how real this show is. For Sandoval, this really is his life and he doesn't want to spend his bday trip with his mind-fucking ex

 

I thought he reacted a bit strongly, but I do not blame him one bit for not wanting her there. It's his birthday. Why should his ex be there? I wouldn't want any of my exes on my birthday trip. I did love when Ariana was like, "I'M the one who decides when enough time has passed". Uh, no, TOM should be the one to decide. It's his ex. 

 

What the heck was that's tory about FI's mom locking herself out of the house and having to kick the front door in? Why didn't Tom open the door and let her inside?

 

He might have been too little to know how to operate the lock. Or he might have been 15 and still didn't know how to operate it. Because he's Tom. 

 

Alas, the final ep of the aftershow was last week.

 

I seriously wanted to cry when there was no aftershow last night. 

[fliptopbox]

I liked Ariana up until this point, but considering she (as Sandoval said) can't get past the intent behind the tattoo even if it was hideous, she was being a total bitch about it by saying "you're getting it removed!!" every time someone brought it up. At least Katie took Schwartz's as a compliment....even if now he better never go to prison.

[Ubiquitous]

Schwartz, you have a pretty face, but do some crunches. 

That made him more adorable to me for some odd reason.

[The Mighty Peanut]

And how about her meeting with Kristen? Look, I don't trust Kristen as far as James could throw her. I think she's still as crazy as ever, but has a new tactic - which is, I'll act totally sane and rational and drive everyone else crazy! And I'm loving it! So yea, if I were Ariana, I wouldn't necessarily believe anything that came out of her mouth. But Miss Amazing could have handled herself better. Instead she came across looking self righteous and petty. Why not just say, "I'm not sure I believe it, but I appreciate your apology" and leave it at that? There was really no need to go on and on about how you and Kristen could NEVER be friends because you're friends are all so smart and fun and good looking.

 

I totally agree. She could have handled that so much better--even "I don't believe you, go fuck yourself" would have been better, or like you said "I find this disingenuous but agree to be civil", or "I'm sorry but I can't get past the lengths you went to to break up Tom and I" or "I appreciate the gesture but lets steer clear of one another." Instead it's I don't give a FUCK about what you do, if you frolic in a meadow (wtf?) or take a shit in the street (WTF?), stay the fuck away from me because my friends are smart and pretty and nice and YOU'RE NOT. All while maintaining she's a drama free cool girl. If Kristen's apology was calculated, Ariana played right into it.

Edited December 28, 2015 by The Mighty Peanut

[Primetimer]

The Toms return from Vegas having branded themselves with their ladies' letters, all as prologue to an episode packed with apologies, 'comedy,' moms, and freakouts. Happy day-early episode!

Read the story

[ghoulina]

I liked Ariana up until this point, but considering she (as Sandoval said) can't get past the intent behind the tattoo even if it was hideous, she was being a total bitch about it by saying "you're getting it removed!!" every time someone brought it up. At least Katie took Schwartz's as a compliment....even if now he better never go to prison.

 

Exactly. For a girl who wore a unicorn crown and had a giant child's birthday party, she sure is a stick in the mud. She couldn't even poke innocent fun at it, she had to be seriously embarrassed every time he brought it up. 

 

That made him more adorable to me for some odd reason.

 

Yea, if I was dating him, I wouldn't care at all. Dad bods are hot. However, if he's trying to keep working as a model as he ages, he's either going to have to beef up a bit, or keep his clothes on. 

[kdl88]

Ariana is awful. I'd actually be kind of embarrassed for her if she weren't such a dick.

[JenE4]

Agreed that Arianna's facade has cracked and what's underneath isn't pretty. She was terrible last week and she's even worse this week. She's a world-class comedian, huh? At first I thought she was just making fun of herself because she knows she's overly serious and not at all funny. But then she was trying SO HARD to be funny (she moonwalked off the stage!!) that I then thought, no, she really thinks this is funny. She's just so mean to Sandoval about EVERYTHING that I don't think he even realizes that he's back to the same dysfunctional dynamic that he said he had with Kristin with a girlfriend who constantly cuts him down. Ok, granted, what was that A supposed to be? Were they flames? Maybe getting a tattoo drunk at 4:30/5:00 am without planning it out wasn't the best choice. But the sentiment was there that they wanted to prove their devotion, so at least give him some credit for that.

Please no more ass shots. With Jax last week and the Toms pulling down their pants MUCH farther than was necessary to show off their tattoos this week, I've hit my lifetime fill of SUR booty. Keep your shirts on, too. You're all much cuter with clothing--especially you, Schwartzie.

I don't like this new-and-improved Kristin. I mean for real life, good for her, but for reality TV, I miss the calculating detective who would scour Instagram for dirt and fly in surprise witnesses from Florida just to prove a point. Sitting there remaining calm with a smug smile on her face IS making everyone else go bonkers, but it's not as much fun when she's not pulling out Exhibit A evidence and being the craziest cray who ever crayed.

Not interested in the whole Lala, James, and Jax triangle. Yet, it was kind of funny the way he waved off that he only just told James that Brittany was coming so he'd go away. I suppose the Jaxism is that she's technically currently stopped at a motel on her cross country trip so she's not "on her way" at this specific moment in time.

[lawyergal]

Jax was hilarious as Kristin's wingman. When he popped up behind her when she kissed that guy, I laughed out loud! I'm really enjoying him this season. He's not out to get anyone but James, and that's fine with me!

[kelseykixx]

It seems they're having a hard time incorporating Lala and James into filming because they're not part of the original crew and no one really wants to hang out with them. All scenes with them they're on the outskirts and don't really have a place with the rest of the cast (not complaining at all - if I hear "hi papi" one more time I'll throw up)

[bblancobrnx]

And Kristen just keeps getting better looking. She looked super hot at the club with Jax. This show really benefits from her special brand of crazy. This episode was a big improvement over last week's and I think she is why.

OMG Yes! Schwiiiiiiiing! She looked HOT HOT HOT at that club! Wow

[marcytv]

I haven't posted on here in forever but my contempt for Ariana has brought me back.

 

I'm glad I'm not the only one that cannot stand her smugness. She's not even "love to hate" smug like Stassi who was at least entertaining to watch and she made me laugh in her THs.

 

Ariana is just this like sour, dour cloud of smugness that is the worst ever. Especially on a show like this- does she not know what show she is on and who she is dating? LOL oh Ariana you "smart" cookie you.

 

It seems they're having a hard time incorporating Lala and James into filming because they're not part of the original crew and no one really wants to hang out with them. All scenes with them they're on the outskirts and don't really have a place with the rest of the cast (not complaining at all - if I hear "hi papi" one more time I'll throw up)

 

Yeah, I noticed this! I also noticed on social media none of the original crew seem to like either very much. Especially after what happened with Andy on WWH. 

 

Though it goes to show how much I dislike Ariana when I'd rather watch Lala & James, blech.

 

Jax is always so greasy omg. Was he always this greasy? I feel like first season Jax was not this bad. But like the older he gets the greasier he becomes.

 

[Watermelon]

I can't with Kristen, still. Ariana played their interaction TERRIBLY, but I'll always believe Kristen is one step from a bunny boiler.  

[HouseofBeck]

Ariana at the diary show: cringeworthy. Why is it funny that she feared that she was surrounded by lesbians? You could tell she thought she was so very hilarious, but her delivery was self-conscious and unprofessional and her material sucked. She's "an actress who understands comedy?" My ass.

At least Sandoval is an idiot who seems to understand he's an idiot and is good-humored and enthusiastic about showing all what an idiot he is. It makes him likable and somewhat self-aware.

I understand why he freaked out about Kristen going on the trip, because he's an emotional guy like that. I love how real this show is. For Sandoval, this really is his life and he doesn't want to spend his bday trip with his mind-fucking ex. For him, that trumps that they are all stuck with each other on this reality ride. Ariana just gets less and less cool the more we see her, doesn't she?

And Kristen just keeps getting better looking. She looked super hot at the club with Jax. This show really benefits from her special brand of crazy. This episode was a big improvement over last week's and I think she is why.

I'm enjoying Kristen. If it's an act, it's less blood-pressurey (leave that to Tom & Ariana), and the crazy eyes are buried, so she's refreshing to see. Though I wish she'd delivered her apology and left at least 2 minutes earlier so Ariana didn't have a chance to say all that shit.

 

Yes to this about Lala:

She just irritates me. I hate how she says, "Hey, Papi!" when she enters a room. I hate how she kisses other dudes in front of other dudes and obviously wants all the dudes fighting over her. And not even hot dudes either - but scrawny, twitchy James and sweaty, aging Jax. Gross. Then there was her whole, "People might THINK they have a boyfriend, but that's not really MY problem". Ugh, HATE chicks like that. Yes, the person cheating is responsible for their actions, but if you KNOW a guy is taken, why go there??? I mean, as much as Jax fucks around, is disease not even a factor? The whole thing just makes me want a shower. She has no self respect. 

But my bad for thinking she was a flat character. She's also a "girl's girl," she said so herself! Multifaceted right there. /s

 

Also, if Jax is taking on this avuncular-type role, I'm all for it. Like Kristen, he also seems less excitable. He may still WANT to be what he used to be, but it's way more fun watching him watching everybody else with his mix of bewilderment & air freshener.

[ScoobieDoobs]

Yea, if I was dating him, I wouldn't care at all. Dad bods are hot. However, if he's trying to keep working as a model as he ages, he's either going to have to beef up a bit, or keep his clothes on. 

 

In terms of life, Schwartz's bod looks just fine to me.  Makes me wonder what kind of model he is.  If he's doing commercial work mostly & he's gonna keep his clothes on?  Again, he looks fine.  But if he's gonna need to be judged by shirtless shots to get gigs, then he'd probably need to get in better shape -- not by much tho.  Really, only fitness models actually need to be ripped to shreds & have 6 or 8 packs.

 

Schwartz does bug me sometimes the way he treats Katie.  She's getting yelled & screamed at by Sandoval & Ari & Schwartz is sitting there stuffing his mug with noodles.  We've seen him act this way before when Jax verbally attacked Katie.  Seems shitty to me.  Schwartz ain't exactly a great catch, Katie.

 

The diary reading actually seemed like a pretty fun idea, but Ariana was trying way TOO hard. That chick really thinks she's too cool for school, huh? "I'm an actress who's funny". Yea, keep telling yourself that. 

 

No, the reality is, Ariana is slightly more articulate than her co-workers (which isn't saying much), so by comparison she thinks herself a genius. But, honestly? She's just average. Everything about her is average. NOT amazing. 

 

Well, I don't know....might be a tie with Lala. She just irritates me. I hate how she says, "Hey, Papi!" when she enters a room. I hate how she kisses other dudes in front of other dudes and obviously wants all the dudes fighting over her. And not even hot dudes either - but scrawny, twitchy James and sweaty, aging Jax. Gross. 

 

Wow, the more we get from Ari, the more & more I can't stand her.  Are she & Sandoval still a couple?  Cuz it looks like he hates her worse than I do.

 

Yeah, about Lala -- I think she's the one producers thought would replace Stassi & it really is NOT working.  With less makeup slapped on her, she is good looking, but so what?  She still seems (to me) like a cunning hard-edged hooker -- which could be an entertaining trait, if played directly.  Idk, I'm not feeling it with her.  She's just dumb & not funny or interesting.

 

James is looking more & more twitchy, ain't he?  Seriously, is he on something?  Meth or coke or pills?  Who knows, but something is way off about him.

 

"Sweaty, aging Jax", eh?  Heh, heh. what is up with all his sweating?  Sheesh, when isn't Jax sweating?  We noticed it last season & it's getting worse this season.  Every ep he's just one big sweaty greaseball.  Ew.

[ghoulina]

But my bad for thinking she was a flat character. She's also a "girl's girl," she said so herself! Multifaceted right there. /s

 

LOL, Lala seems to think being a "girl's girl" means you don't mind making out with other girls, not that she has any type of allegiance to or empathy for other women. 

 

Schwartz does bug me sometimes the way he treats Katie.  She's getting yelled & screamed at by Sandoval & Ari & Schwartz is sitting there stuffing his mug with noodles.  We've seen him act this way before when Jax verbally attacked Katie.  Seems shitty to me.  Schwartz ain't exactly a great catch, Katie.

 

I think that's just Schwartz, though. He is totally non-confrontational. Someone could be yelling at him directly and he's probably keep eating his Thai noodles. Or have a panic attack. One or the other. It would be nice if he backed up his girlfriend, but I don't think his not doing so is any indication of how he feels about her. Plus, she's got this. 

 

"Sweaty, aging Jax", eh?  Heh, heh. what is up with all his sweating?  Sheesh, when isn't Jax sweating?  We noticed it last season & it's getting worse this season.  Every ep he's just one big sweaty greaseball.  Ew.

 

The greasiness has just gotten worse and worse! I wonder if it's a result of being on steroids or something. 

[TattleTeeny]

Aside from cheating with Tom, I really have no problem with Ariana (and don't see any more smugness about her than with anyone else on the show) but I think she could have at least pretended to appreciate if not the tattoo itself, but the gesture. I mean, it's too late for Tom to do much about it now, so why not just say that he's sweet or whatever? I would (and then later give him a GC to get that ugly thing fixed up by a talented artist).

What I don't understand is how in the hell those drunken fools got tattooed in the first place, am I'm wondering if it was a bloodbath. Judging on by the work on Tom s., though, I can only guess that the tattoo shop was a real shitshow. Does he have other ass tattoos that for some reason needed to be hidden--what were those bandages or whatever on his left butt-cheek?

[HunterHunted]

I can't with Kristen, still. Ariana played their interaction TERRIBLY, but I'll always believe Kristen is one step from a bunny boiler.

I feel like Kristen is mostly sincere because she's been unable to maintain the façade of civility for more than a couple of scenes in the past. This season really feels like a concerted effort to slightly reform her her reputation for being unhinged.

However, Ariana has completely miscalculated. I think she assumed that Kristen would stay the same bunny boiling lunatic and that her, Ariana's, smug condescension would be ignored in the face of Kristen's more egregious sins. But Kristen seems to be making some effort to grow up, which makes Ariana's boring superiority stand out in stark contrast.

I also have to call shenanigans on Sandoval saying he would be fine with James coming on their birthday trip. Even at best, Sandoval treats James like Scrappy Doo on meth. There is no way he's any worse than Kristen. Finally, Ariana and Sandoval need to stop making grand pronouncements about how uncomfortable it is hang with exes when Peter, Stassi, and Jax have all been present during their group trips.

The one and only time Lala was a girls girl was when she sat down with Kristen and had an adult conversation about how much of an asshole James was.

Edited December 28, 2015 by HunterHunted

[metalchik]

Wow, the Toms. Just when you thought those chucklefucks couldn't get any dumber, they go and tattoo their asses. I love how they wouldn't even commit to the full names either. No "Katie", no "Ariana". Although, if I were the girls, I wouldn't be sure whether that was an insult or a positive to the whole horrible debacle. If you're going to memorialize your girl on your body, the butt really isn't the place to do it. How about the ankle? Inner bicep? Anything but the butt! 

 

I mean, let's face it. Schwartz now has "Bubba" on his ass. He might as well rob and bank and get it over with, because all I see is prison in his future. And Sandoval....it wouldn't even really matter if the "artist" used a dirty needle, because his ass already looks infected. SO SO bad. You know it's bad when your tatts are worse than Jax's! 

 

I'm loving all the moms this season! So interesting. Sandoval's mom is a badass firefighter, who would've thunk it? I loved when he was all, "This is where I get my toughness from". Ummmm...dude, we've seen you cry like 70 times on the show. You shave your forehead and can't live without a flatiron. I'm pretty sure you're nothing like your hard as nails mother, but that's okay. 

 

The diary reading actually seemed like a pretty fun idea, but Ariana was trying way TOO hard. That chick really thinks she's too cool for school, huh? "I'm an actress who's funny". Yea, keep telling yourself that. 

 

And how about her meeting with Kristen? Look, I don't trust Kristen as far as James could throw her. I think she's still as crazy as ever, but has a new tactic - which is, I'll act totally sane and rational and drive everyone else crazy! And I'm loving it! So yea, if I were Ariana, I wouldn't necessarily believe anything that came out of her mouth. But Miss Amazing could have handled herself better. Instead she came across looking self righteous and petty. Why not just say, "I'm not sure I believe it, but I appreciate your apology" and leave it at that? There was really no need to go on and on about how you and Kristen could NEVER be friends because you're friends are all so smart and fun and good looking. Um, hello, you hang out with Jax! Your own boyfriend and his BFF4L are the idiots who thought it was a great idea to get shitty tattoos on their butts. They're the ones who went into a business meeting with NO plan. On purpose! But yes, let's keep operating under the illusion that you are attending Mensa meetings when your shift is over at Sur. 

 

No, the reality is, Ariana is slightly more articulate than her co-workers (which isn't saying much), so by comparison she thinks herself a genius. But, honestly? She's just average. Everything about her is average. NOT amazing. 

 

And she's not even a very good girlfriend, IMO. Tom wanted to point out that when he was with Kristen she was his number one hater - but how supportive have we seen Ariana be? Sure, your tattoo is idiotic, but she could have at least acted a LITTLE bit flattered like Katie did. Instead, I get the impression he's sleeping on the couch until that flaming A has been lazered off. And she mercilessly mocked his book of songs. (Which were very snark worthy, but again...you're his girlfriend!) She just seems to love to put herself in positions where she feels superior to everyone, and is going to let them know it. She might be my current least favorite person on the show. 

 

Well, I don't know....might be a tie with Lala. She just irritates me. I hate how she says, "Hey, Papi!" when she enters a room. I hate how she kisses other dudes in front of other dudes and obviously wants all the dudes fighting over her. And not even hot dudes either - but scrawny, twitchy James and sweaty, aging Jax. Gross. Then there was her whole, "People might THINK they have a boyfriend, but that's not really MY problem". Ugh, HATE chicks like that. Yes, the person cheating is responsible for their actions, but if you KNOW a guy is taken, why go there??? I mean, as much as Jax fucks around, is disease not even a factor? The whole thing just makes me want a shower. She has no self respect. 

 

I did kind of love Kristen and Jax's night on the town. As soon as Kristen found a dude who wasn't a model OR an actor, her tongue was down his throat. Hilarious!!!

 

Schwartz, you have a pretty face, but do some crunches. 

OMG I love this post!  I read the whole entire thing going "I know right?!"  I agree with everything you said here and would have wrote pretty much the exact same thing but probably not as concise and eloquently as you have - which I guess means you are more "intelligent and possibly more fun and better looking" than me. Haha.  (Ariana is also MY least favorite and is a straight up resting bitch face bitch!)

 

Wonder how long it will take before Sandoval runs into some girl that builds him up instead of "hates" on him or "mocks" him.  Not saying that it's right - but that is usually how affairs start...

 

Great post!!

[bella bluth]

Thank you, Joe! Never enough Tap references!!!!

[Silo]

I thought that was "one dollar and zero cents".

It's 100%, like when you take a test and a teacher writes 100 in red ink on the top of the paper. I know there's no "%" next to it, but I think it's implied.

[bichonblitz]

Did I hear Ariana tell Tom (on TV) while they were cleaning the apartment that she was hiding the bong so his mom wouldn't find it? Best line of the night! 

 

So Kristin has decided to get in to therapy and now Sandoval is supposed to welcome her back in the group with open arms? She lost ALL of her friends and has decided to play nice for a while to get some of them back. And lets not forget she fucked Jax on her and Toms couch while Tom was sleeping in the next room and lied to her bestie Stassi about it.  Don't blame him one bit for having a shit fit about his friends forgetting about what a lunatic she is. No, she should not be going to his birthday party. Next thing you know Vanderbucks will be hiring her back. I gotta give ole Kristin credit for finding a way to stay on this show, even if part of it means  having a fake friendship with Jax, who is having a fake relationship with Brittany while fakely lusting after LaLa. 

[luleetuni]

Those tattoo were hilarious and I am not an actress but I understand comedy.

So a couple weeks ago on Amy Phillips' Sirius show Ariana admitted to having had lesbian relationships and it didn't seem like it was any kind of secret. I have to imagine that is why she thought her diaries were funny?

[Ubiquitous]

It's 100%, like when you take a test and a teacher writes 100 in red ink on the top of the paper. I know there's no "%" next to it, but I think it's implied.

OK, I can see it in that context, like it was a test, but it's lame. What else is new with her, right?

Yes, Arianna totally said she hid the bong on the top shelf in thd kitchen. Tom's mom didn't seem that short to me.

I find it amusing no one seemed to notice Shwartzie totally had the wrong name tattooed on his butt. He's never called her "Bubba"!

[BogoGog24]

I never thought I would say this but I kind of miss Princess Stassi. She was as god awful as any of the rest of them, but she was also entertaining. As someone said "love to hate." The rest of them are pretty boring. We could at least always count on a classic Stassi one-liner or making a 3 episode arc about her birthday. She needs to return to SUR and show the amateurs how it's done. I would love to see her take on Ariana.