Small Talk: The Polygamous Cul-de-Sac

[Teafortwo]

5 hours ago, TurtlePower said:

So, our town flooded bad. Homes had 6 feet of water and one person died trying to cross a flooded roadway. Helicopters were pulling people out from their houses. Luckily, our house is ok. 

You're in SE NM, correct? Really sorry to hear that but glad your house escaped the flooding. 

[TurtlePower]

21 hours ago, Teafortwo said:

You're in SE NM, correct? Really sorry to hear that but glad your house escaped the flooding. 

The good news is our fire danger is low for now, just in time for July 4. I swear we have the stupidest people in the state when it comes to fireworks safety—they start wildfires every year. So, that won’t be a problem this year. 

[iwantcookies]

On 6/29/2021 at 10:20 AM, Teafortwo said:

Wait, so no Lularot?

Can you imagine peeling off that cheap fabric off your body? And the bad BO it causes? 🤮

[Teafortwo]

19 hours ago, TurtlePower said:

The good news is our fire danger is low for now, just in time for July 4. I swear we have the stupidest people in the state when it comes to fireworks safety—they start wildfires every year. So, that won’t be a problem this year. 

Did you hear about the fireworks that detonated in L.A. the other day? Police found an enormous stash, some commercially produced, some homemade in a home. They brought most if it to a special truck that accommodated disposal. Except the truck blew up, damaging several nearby homes and cars. Fortunately no one was seriously hurt.

When I spent summers in Las Vegas, I was very leery about backyards/parties around and on  July 4th. People start on Juky 2nd or 3rd and use the leftovers on the 5th. It will be bad starting tonight due to the  weekend timing this year. 

I loved July 4th in Las Vegas though.  My favorite thing was to drive to a high elevation spot and watch the whole valley celebrate. Fireworks shows on the Strip (far off but visible), plus all the backyards, RedRock casino, nearby parks and everyone else who parked where I did (above partially developed new housing). I was very careful to duck back into my car if there was any reckless behavior from the others, most of whom brought fireworks, which were legal in the county. I was going to go this year but just don't feel ready for airports, planes and rental cars, plus there are no longer any mask requirements in stores there (except for a few chains, but there's no way they can enforce it). Also the vaccination rate is quite low  there relative to NY so the case rate is comparatively high. I'm pretty well-protected but there's still an element of risk that I decided I was unwilling to take after my health issues of the past two months. 

It's strange to me that residents of NV are willing to accept the risks of not getting the vaccine due to their rugged (cussed) individualism and often libertarian leanings, while Vermonters, who are also very individualistic/self-reliant have the highest rate of vaccination in the US. Maybe it's the same mindset of risk tolerance that allows people to stick their money into slot machines or bet on sports. Yet they somehow  assume the risks of vaccination are higher than that of covid. 

I'll step off my soapbox for now. Hope I didn't offend anyone. I do know there are certain individuals for whom the vax does pose a risk, such as my friend who has lung cancer. He wants to get vaccinated but his docs have advised against it. 

 

 

Edited July 2, 2021 by Teafortwo

[TurtlePower]

44 minutes ago, Teafortwo said:

Did you hear about the fireworks that detonated in L.A. the other day? Police found an enormous stash, some commercially produced, some homemade in a home. They brought most if it to a special truck that accommodated disposal. Except the truck blew up, damaging several nearby homes and cars. Fortunately no one was seriously hurt.

When I spent summers in Las Vegas, I was very leery about backyards/parties around and on  July 4th. People start on Juky 2nd or 3rd and use the leftovers on the 5th. It will be bad starting tonight due to the  weekend timing this year. 

I loved July 4th in Las Vegas though.  My favorite thing was to drive to a high elevation spot and watch the whole valley celebrate. Fireworks shows on the Strip (far off but visible), plus all the backyards, RedRock casino, nearby parks and everyone else who parked where I did (above partially developed new housing). I was very careful to duck back into my car if there was any reckless behavior from the others, most of whom brought fireworks, which were legal in the county. I was going to go this year but just don't feel ready for airports, planes and rental cars, plus there are no longer any mask requirements in stores there (except for a few chains, but there's no way they can enforce it). Also the vaccination rate is quite low  there relative to NY so the case rate is comparatively high. I'm pretty well-protected but there's still an element of risk that I decided I was unwilling to take after my health issues of the past two months. 

It's strange to me that residents of NV are willing to accept the risks of not getting the vaccine due to their rugged (cussed) individualism and often libertarian leanings, while Vermonters, who are also very individualistic/self-reliant have the highest rate of vaccination in the US. Maybe it's the same mindset of risk tolerance that allows people to stick their money into slot machines or bet on sports. Yet they somehow  assume the risks of vaccination are higher than that of covid. 

I'll step off my soapbox for now. Hope I didn't offend anyone. I do know there are certain individuals for whom the vax does pose a risk, such as my friend who has lung cancer. He wants to get vaccinated but his docs have advised against it. 

 

 

Oh I hate fireworks. They’re ok if done professionally, but individuals in the middle of the street who wind up setting their neighbours palm trees on fire are assholes. Also when they do it at 1am they’re assholes.  And it’s the people with PTSD and all the pets who wind up paying the price. Sometimes, I wish terrible things to happen to these drunk douchebags versus them setting someone else’s stuff on fire. What can’t they just blow their own hand off? 
 

I feel for public safety folks this time of year. People are jerks. 

[Meowwww]

So there’s apparently a national fireworks shortage this year. 
I live in Wisconsin, fireworks are legal here.  
It’s evident in our neighborhood.  Usually by now, a few days before the 4th…our area is a war zone with fireworks being set off by everyone.  
This year, only one house has set them off… and that was tonight.

Luckily my dog, a lab, couldn’t care less about firework sounds. 

Edited July 3, 2021 by Meowwww

[CalicoKitty]

This is my first 4th of July in my new home in my new state.  Fireworks are illegal in this county, and , apparently it is really enforced.  No sounds at all tonight, and I will be interested to see what happens tomorrow night on the 4th.  I have moved from a city/county in California where fireworks are legal on the 4th, but people set them off starting in mid-June and will continue for at least a month.  Many people complain, but the law enforcement will not follow up on fireworks calls.  Lots of people and animals are badly effected.  Oh, and the gun shots.  Always, on the week of the 4th and New Years, idiots fire off shots in the air.  One of them went through the roof of my storage unit, and a lot of my stuff was ruined when it rained.  I am sitting here tonight enjoying the PEACE AND QUIET that is a new experience for me on the 4th.  I love my new home!

[iwantcookies]

I woke up at 1 am because of the fireworks. Thanks jerks!

There are being set off since May. Every night like clockwork.

I’m a tired crabby lady at 1 am

[Gramto6]

Here in MT the fireworks started early evening today (7/3). I fear fires started from the fireworks. I'm just hoping people show some restraint given the high temps and dry grasses all around.

[TurtlePower]

On 7/4/2021 at 12:01 AM, iwantcookies said:

I woke up at 1 am because of the fireworks. Thanks jerks!

There are being set off since May. Every night like clockwork.

I’m a tired crabby lady at 1 am

I freaking hate fireworks. I have PTSD and even though I know it’s only a once a year holiday, I start to lose my shit after 1am. Last night I wanted to take a baseball bat to the knees of the pedophile with the ankle monitor across the street (1 am!), but, jail. Many dogs ran off and got lost last night, too  We would have camped in the wilderness, but we worried the drunken assholes might set our tree on fire. 

My opinion of many humans sits pretty low this time of year. 

[Cetacean]

1 hour ago, TurtlePower said:

My opinion of many humans sits pretty low this time of year. 

It's the All About Me holiday. Tell them about your trembling dog or your PTSD and they come back with "Am I supposed to cancel my fun just for some dog or stranger?"  Assholes, one and all. 

I hate the Fourth for all of this crap - Independence Day except no independence from selfish, uncaring jerks.

[iwantcookies]

At 3 am fireworks were still going off. 
 

I thought the street was on fire. 
 

The dogs in the neighborhood were going crazy too. 

[Teafortwo]

I finally realized why I'm so obsessed with this show. I think I identify with the wives because I live in what is called a co-op building. Theoretically, it's similar to a condo, but different. In a condo everyone owns their own unit as real estate. In a co-op, we each own shares in the co-op corporation, and there are more rules about subletting, you need to get approval from co-op Board for repairs, and so forth (although condos can impose rules, too.) And some people want to be "friends" with everyone by default even if we have nothing in common except living in the same building.

I'm starting to feel like I am stuck in a bad marriage with these people. I'll spare you the details - there are too many of them. Whoever invented the idea of common ownership of a building was absolutely nuts. Of course, I couldn't afford to live in a building like this if it was my sole residence - the taxes alone are probably at least 50K/year, not to mention that a multifamily around the corner (5 apts - we have 10) is on the market for almost 7M. Plus the upkeep on a 150 yr old building.

[Cetacean]

8 minutes ago, Teafortwo said:

the taxes alone are probably at least 50K/year,

For each unit??!  Yikes!

Does your co-op board make the rules on building maintenance?  I was listening to NPR discuss the issues with that condo building that collapsed in Florida.  The expert said that there are no rules of any kind related to condo board members (it's essentially a popularity contest) so when they are presented with issues that need attention, none of them have a clue in hell as to what's important or, in that case, life threatening.  They make decisions with no background whatsoever.

In the case in Florida, when the board told the residents that repairs were needed, the residents voted it down because it was too expensive.  Perhaps someone with a background in building inspection or construction could have presented it to better explain the issues and consequences;  sadly now they know.

[xwordfanatik]

When my in-laws were still living, we used to go to their beach house near Everett, WA.  The neighbors, mostly well-to-do (my IL's were not) would try and outdo each other with more fireworks every 4th.  While it was fun to watch them (fireworks have long been illegal in our city, but that rule is ignored), the poor dog they had would hide in the shower bath for days, as people would start blasting them days before the 4th.  Wildfires get worse every year, without adding illegal fireworks to the danger.

[Teafortwo]

1 hour ago, Cetacean said:

For each unit??!  Yikes!

 

No, that 50K figure would be the case for a single-owner building in the neighborhood such as the one going for 7 million - depending on the size etc.  In a multi-unit building each owner pays a share of the total tax but some apts are smaller than others so they have fewer shares allotted and pay a lower portion of the total.

We're lucky to have an architect on our Board, as well as a member whose father is an engineer and was extremely vigilant about due diligence for his renovation (combining two units into one). There are many other issues but I think we're on top of them. The non-Board owners do have some say; however, if something is structurally necessary, it has to be done. Among the documents you have to sign when you purchase are agreements about potential "special assessments" for repairs that might be necessary beyond minor ones; ie extra monthly fee for a pre-determined period.

That building in FL had Board members who wanted to keep their positions, so they didn't force their fellow owners to pay up for the repairs they knew needed to be done. The situation is beyond tragic and I'm sure gives anyone who owns anywhere on the FL coast pause. A lot of those buildings went up in the 70s and there wasn't much oversight. It's kind of like Las Vegas, where so much faulty construction happens due to cronyism, lack of oversight, poor enforcement of building codes or lack thereof. Houses built during the early 2000s (when the housing bubble was inflating) are particularly vulnerable because everything was expedited due to high demand/greedy developers.

Edited July 5, 2021 by Teafortwo

[Roslyn]

4 hours ago, Teafortwo said:

No, that 50K figure would be the case for a single-owner building in the neighborhood such as the one going for 7 million - depending on the size etc.  In a multi-unit building each owner pays a share of the total tax but some apts are smaller than others so they have fewer shares allotted and pay a lower portion of the total.

But. It isn't fair that an owner has to pay more because they have more children square footage, it should all be split equally...

...forgive me...I have had some wine 😂

[deirdra]

At least Vegas has bedrock at a reasonable depth.  The Millennium Tower, a luxury high-rise in San Francisco, needed millions to add pilons down to bedrock.  Owners ousted the board that tried to impose a $6.4 million special assessment.

The place in Florida was built on sand, and with every new tower and underground parking garage, water & soil beneath the buildings move over time. Developers typically build to the lowest building codes possible.

Edited July 6, 2021 by deirdra

[deirdra]

 "But. It isn't fair that an owner has to pay more because they have more children square footage, it should all be split equally......forgive me...I have had some wine 😂"

I hope that's the wine talking, Roslyn.  One of the reasons I moved into a small condo was to pay lower property taxes.  Here our PTs are based on "market value", so in my empty-nest bungalow I was paying the same property taxes as neighbouring families of 4-6, who used more City services.

Edited July 6, 2021 by deirdra

[Teafortwo]

1 hour ago, Roslyn said:

But. It isn't fair that an owner has to pay more because they have more children square footage, it should all be split equally...

...forgive me...I have had some wine 😂

hahahahahaha Where is my spirit square footage?!

[Teafortwo]

1 hour ago, deirdra said:

At least Vegas has bedrock at a reasonable depth.  The Millennium Tower, a luxury high-rise in San Francisco, needed millions to add pilons down to bedrock.  Owners ousted the board that tried to impose a $6.4 million special assessment.

That's really interesting. I was not aware of that detail about LV. I wonder if single family homes and condo buildings are built into bedrock, or is it just the Strip hotels.

[deirdra]

21 minutes ago, Teafortwo said:

That's really interesting. I was not aware of that detail about LV. I wonder if single family homes and condo buildings are built into bedrock, or is it just the Strip hotels.

There are building codes for high rises that often require driving steel piles down to bedrock. They used to allow shorter piles with "feet" in the soil scaled to the heights of the buildings, but with hurricanes, storm surges, droughts, earthquakes, you cannot expect the soil to stay the same forever.  

[Yeah No]

9 hours ago, Teafortwo said:

I'm starting to feel like I am stuck in a bad marriage with these people. I'll spare you the details - there are too many of them. Whoever invented the idea of common ownership of a building was absolutely nuts. Of course, I couldn't afford to live in a building like this if it was my sole residence - the taxes alone are probably at least 50K/year, not to mention that a multifamily around the corner (5 apts - we have 10) is on the market for almost 7M. Plus the upkeep on a 150 yr old building.

I hear you!  Sorry to hear about what you're going through, but as you know I have been in that situation with the co-op board of my Dad's building.  I was just thinking today how glad I am that I don't have to deal with that anymore.  I wonder how the new owners of the apartment are feeling about the board and the management company now.  My Dad's apartment was the most expensive one in the building so he paid the most in maintenance and taxes.  I don't remember how they were split up but both together came to $1,000 a month.  I remember my father telling me that most of that figure was the taxes, which in NYC are high.  When you consider that this is a 1,000 square foot apartment we're talking about, that's expensive.

8 hours ago, Teafortwo said:

We're lucky to have an architect on our Board, as well as a member whose father is an engineer and was extremely vigilant about due diligence for his renovation (combining two units into one). There are many other issues but I think we're on top of them. The non-Board owners do have some say; however, if something is structurally necessary, it has to be done. Among the documents you have to sign when you purchase are agreements about potential "special assessments" for repairs that might be necessary beyond minor ones; ie extra monthly fee for a pre-determined period.

Ugh, don't remind me about the "special assessments".  I knew it was going to happen, but would you believe they got me for one on the way out at the closing?  Seriously.  They claimed that the amount pertained to a time period in which I owned the apartment.  I knew that couldn't be completely true because the time period for the assessment was supposed to end months after the closing.  So I complained about it to the management company, who had drawn up the closing documents including any bills that were supposedly still owed to them, and got the amount reduced.  It was still a few hundred bucks, though!

[CalicoKitty]

22 hours ago, deirdra said:

At least Vegas has bedrock at a reasonable depth.  The Millennium Tower, a luxury high-rise in San Francisco, needed millions to add pilons down to bedrock.  Owners ousted the board that tried to impose a $6.4 million special assessment.

The place in Florida was built on sand, and with every new tower and underground parking garage, water & soil beneath the buildings move over time. Developers typically build to the lowest building codes possible.

The Millennium Tower is already tilting about 2 inches, isn't it?  I just keep waiting for the headline on that one.

[Teafortwo]

18 hours ago, Yeah No said:

They claimed that the amount pertained to a time period in which I owned the apartment.  I knew that couldn't be completely true because the time period for the assessment was supposed to end months after the closing. 

So ridiculous. Glad you got the amount reduced. This is NYC, kids. We do put up with a lot of stuff to be able to live here.

[Sandy W]

30 minutes ago, Teafortwo said:

So ridiculous. Glad you got the amount reduced. This is NYC, kids. We do put up with a lot of stuff to be able to live here.

We lived in NYC for 6 months on a job assignment in a corporate owned apartment at E 86th and FDR East River Drive.  The phones were there, but not connected.  I thought it would be a simple matter to contact the phone company and they would just activate from there. But no. We waited a full week until they sent a service man who spent several hours making connections to a panel in a closet.  I had never heard of such a complicated procedure.

[Teafortwo]

48 minutes ago, Sandy W said:

We lived in NYC for 6 months on a job assignment in a corporate owned apartment at E 86th and FDR East River Drive.  The phones were there, but not connected.  I thought it would be a simple matter to contact the phone company and they would just activate from there. But no. We waited a full week until they sent a service man who spent several hours making connections to a panel in a closet.  I had never heard of such a complicated procedure.

Ha! When I had a landline, the connection came in through my neighbor's window from the backyard. My apt faces the street. You can imagine how fun that was! Fortunately my neighbor back then was a million times nicer than the current one.

[iwantcookies]

I still remember my non working landline number 

 

 

[Yeah No]

4 hours ago, Sandy W said:

We lived in NYC for 6 months on a job assignment in a corporate owned apartment at E 86th and FDR East River Drive.  The phones were there, but not connected.  I thought it would be a simple matter to contact the phone company and they would just activate from there. But no. We waited a full week until they sent a service man who spent several hours making connections to a panel in a closet.  I had never heard of such a complicated procedure.

I know I've had similar happen when the lines need to be updated to work with the newer phone systems.

About a year and a half before my father died (he lived in the Bronx for those that don't know) suddenly his landline stopped working.  I was helping him with his bills and other issues by then so I called to find out what was going on.  A phone tech. came over but couldn't figure out why it wasn't working.  The service and phone number had not been turned off and tests showed that the line was working.  We even plugged in different phones to see if that was the problem.  Techs. came back several times, went all over the building and out to undisclosed places but never found the cause of the problem.  My father was receiving most of his calls on his cell phone anyway by that time so we let the situation go.  I did turn off the landline, although it was very sad because it was a phone number he'd had for 45 years!

3 hours ago, Teafortwo said:

Ha! When I had a landline, the connection came in through my neighbor's window from the backyard. My apt faces the street. You can imagine how fun that was! Fortunately my neighbor back then was a million times nicer than the current one.

LOL, we actually had something sort-of like that happen here in this private house in CT.  The phone tech. that came over when we moved here didn't want to connect up the landline correctly because it would have involved running a line in the attic, and either he didn't know how to do that or he just didn't want to expend the extra effort.  So he ended up tacking the line up under the eaves at the roofline outside the house.  My husband was under the impression that a different solution had been found - the guy didn't really explain himself, and hubbie didn't catch what he was doing until he had tacked the line most of the way around the house.  Needless to say my husband was livid about this because not only could you see the wire, but the phone line had to come through one of the back windows.  After a call to complain to the phone company they sent over one of their ace techs. who made it right, and at my request he pulled the phone line off the outside of the house including the staples that held it up.

Edited July 7, 2021 by Yeah No

[WhatAmIWatching]

On 7/5/2021 at 7:01 PM, Roslyn said:

But. It isn't fair that an owner has to pay more because they have more children square footage, it should all be split equally...

...forgive me...I have had some wine 😂

HAHAHA!

Do French doors and a wet bar count in the square footage or not?

[laurakaye]

I have been binging Big Love about 10 years too late, lol, but I finally sprung for HBO Max.  I have a few episodes of the last season to go (no spoilers but I need one of these women to leave!).  Between the pilgrimage to Nauvoo, Margene's jewelry business, and Bill's run for office, my question is - did Kody & Krew watch the show and just copy everything?  Or is it just a happy coincidence?  I crack up every time I see something on the show that the SW gang also did....except Margene's jewelry biz was wildly successful.  Robyn's - not quite.

Also, I loved Bill Paxton so much.

[CouchTater]

I never did finish Big Love.  I watched during its original run, but got rid of HBO before the show ended.  Maybe I'll do a rewatch.

I kind of lost interest when Nicky's extreme family became prominent in the storyline.  But I am now sort of fascinated with fundies and their lifestyles, so I think Nicky's family will be more interesting to me.

[xwordfanatik]

1 hour ago, laurakaye said:

I have been binging Big Love about 10 years too late, lol, but I finally sprung for HBO Max.  I have a few episodes of the last season to go (no spoilers but I need one of these women to leave!).  Between the pilgrimage to Nauvoo, Margene's jewelry business, and Bill's run for office, my question is - did Kody & Krew watch the show and just copy everything?  Or is it just a happy coincidence?  I crack up every time I see something on the show that the SW gang also did....except Margene's jewelry biz was wildly successful.  Robyn's - not quite.

Also, I loved Bill Paxton so much.

I share your love for the late Bill Paxton.  RIP

When you've watched all, tell us what you thought of the ending.  

One thing that I noticed during BL's HBO run, was that several characters had been minor players in Roseanne years before.  I've since purchased all the DVD's.  Polygamy has always kind of fascinated me, as do other cults.  I'm very glad I wasn't raised in a cult!

[iwantcookies]

So ummm do people suggest you do dating apps? Cuz several people suggested it to me. I kinda am wary of rejection. Mmm not sure if I’m ready to be out there.
 

I always attract questionable characters.

 

Or get a Sam…

 

 

 

 

[Roslyn]

On 7/5/2021 at 8:23 PM, deirdra said:

 "But. It isn't fair that an owner has to pay more because they have more children square footage, it should all be split equally......forgive me...I have had some wine 😂"

I hope that's the wine talking, Roslyn.  One of the reasons I moved into a small condo was to pay lower property taxes.  Here our PTs are based on "market value", so in my empty-nest bungalow I was paying the same property taxes as neighbouring families of 4-6, who used more City services.

Oh yes. It was definitely the wine.  My Sangria can pack a punch. I don't even begin to understand the complexities of city living, having been a country girl all my life.  The only thing I could think of when I was reading your post was Meri sitting there...trying to reason why she deserved an equal budget as the wives (pre show) because she shouldn't be punished for only having one child... Then we get another swing at it when they were building the Vegas houses.  I was hoping my adding the children to my post would be caught on to the fact I was being (inappropriately) funny.  ☺️

 

[laurakaye]

18 hours ago, xwordfanatik said:

One thing that I noticed during BL's HBO run, was that several characters had been minor players in Roseanne years before.  I've since purchased all the DVD's.  Polygamy has always kind of fascinated me, as do other cults.  I'm very glad I wasn't raised in a cult!

Yes!  It drove me nuts when I couldn't place where I'd seen Wanda before, until I figured out that she was one of the girls in the salon where Roseanne worked.  Who else was from the show?

[xwordfanatik]

6 hours ago, laurakaye said:

Yes!  It drove me nuts when I couldn't place where I'd seen Wanda before, until I figured out that she was one of the girls in the salon where Roseanne worked.  Who else was from the show?

I knew that voice (Wanda) and placed her early on.  Let's see, Jackie's boyfriend Gary played Lois' brother.  One of the women at the Henrickson office was the woman that met Roseanne when she was the mall Santa.  She had a bookstore that Darlene haunted.  I know there was at least one other, I'll have to think on that.  

I thought Joey, Wanda's husband, was really good-looking.  They made Wanda's character very mousy.  I got a kick out of Lois.  Nicki was so devious, I liked watching her shenanigans.  Margene made $ on her jewelry business, but our dear Robyn couldn't copy her success!

ETA:  Meagan Fay played Heather's mother.  She was Roseanne's snooty neighbor, Kathy.

Edited July 8, 2021 by xwordfanatik
add another actor

[iwantcookies]

I think I’m going to join an app that helps you to make female friends. Worth a try. Wish I had siblings. I’m really shy and anxious to talk about myself.

[Teafortwo]

21 minutes ago, iwantcookies said:

I think I’m going to join an app that helps you to make female friends. Worth a try. Wish I had siblings. I’m really shy and anxious to talk about myself.

Meetup is really good, esp for walking and hiking groups. There's something about walking that I find is a great way to break the ice. Hiking too. But not in this heat! GL

[iwantcookies]

5 minutes ago, Teafortwo said:

Meetup is really good, esp for walking and hiking groups. There's something about walking that I find is a great way to break the ice. Hiking too. But not in this heat! GL

Meet up was a bust for me. I’m willing to try. I’m desperate for friends. 

[Cetacean]

50 minutes ago, iwantcookies said:

Meet up was a bust for me. I’m willing to try. I’m desperate for friends. 

In person or online?  If in person, what about becoming a volunteer somehwere?  My lighthouse group is always doing things together.  Or a book club?  Good way to meet people and chat about books you may not have thought you'd ever read.  Or, if religious, a church group? 

There are lots of ways to meet folks if you get out there.  I have made lots of friends and acquaitances just through my volunteer activities. I still keep in touch with some of those I met when working the mass vax clinics and my hospital volunteer group does things together as well.

[Sandy W]

1 hour ago, iwantcookies said:

Meet up was a bust for me. I’m willing to try. I’m desperate for friends. 

Where do your interests lie?  Do you have a creative bent, painting-sewing-jewelry making-cooking, gardening...or do your inclinations tend to be physical such as sports, or mental such as reading or card games? 

If you live in an isolated community where organized activities aren't available, maybe it's time to consider a move to a more urban setting where there is more opportunity for volunteer or active participation in hobby groups.  The YWCA or night school classes may be a good starting point.

Don't let your desperation for friends show, take a deep breath and be as natural and witty as you are with your friends here and let nature take it's course.  If you are sincerely interested in whatever approach you engage in and not obviously just seeking companionship, the friendships will flow organically.

If you do engage in an activity where you make acquaintances, why not suggest a few of you get together for a movie or concert or invite them to your home for coffee, drinks or a meal?

Good luck to you, loneliness can be debilitating and self-perpetuating.  Take action and don't let it rule your life. xo

[iwantcookies]

1 hour ago, Cetacean said:

In person or online?  If in person, what about becoming a volunteer somehwere?  My lighthouse group is always doing things together.  Or a book club?  Good way to meet people and chat about books you may not have thought you'd ever read.  Or, if religious, a church group? 

There are lots of ways to meet folks if you get out there.  I have made lots of friends and acquaitances just through my volunteer activities. I still keep in touch with some of those I met when working the mass vax clinics and my hospital volunteer group does things together as well.

In person. Volunteer is a no. I need to make $$$ to live. I’m an atheist…

43 minutes ago, Sandy W said:

Where do your interests lie?  Do you have a creative bent, painting-sewing-jewelry making-cooking, gardening...or do your inclinations tend to be physical such as sports, or mental such as reading or card games? 

If you live in an isolated community where organized activities aren't available, maybe it's time to consider a move to a more urban setting where there is more opportunity for volunteer or active participation in hobby groups.  The YWCA or night school classes may be a good starting point.

Don't let your desperation for friends show, take a deep breath and be as natural and witty as you are with your friends here and let nature take it's course.  If you are sincerely interested in whatever approach you engage in and not obviously just seeking companionship, the friendships will flow organically.

If you do engage in an activity where you make acquaintances, why not suggest a few of you get together for a movie or concert or invite them to your home for coffee, drinks or a meal?

Good luck to you, loneliness can be debilitating and self-perpetuating.  Take action and don't let it rule your life. xo

I live in NY so not rural at all.

[crazycatlady58]

17 minutes ago, iwantcookies said:

In person. Volunteer is a no. I need to make $$$ to live. I’m an atheist…

I live in NY so not rural at all.

Cookies, you can volunteer and still work. Figure out what you like to do and see if you can find a place to volunteer once a month.  Also in NY I would be surprised if there is not a group of atheists that meet to talk and enjoy like minded folks.

[Irate Panda]

24 minutes ago, iwantcookies said:

In person. Volunteer is a no. I need to make $$$ to live. I’m an atheist…

I live in NY so not rural at all.

Libraries sometimes have activities like knitting groups, book clubs, or film nights...might not be going on with the pandemic.  Community centers or art galleries.  Parks and museums.  

If you have extra money, you can take a class of some sort: cooking, yoga, self-defense, etc..  I’ve found different things on places like Groupon. I’m not sure of your age, but there’s senior centers often have bus trips.  I’m in my 30s, but was still allowed to go.  It was mostly older retired like (60s-80s) people but I like meeting people of all ages.  I’m sure other places offer this, but the senior places it was the same people going all the time so I got to know them.

[Cetacean]

41 minutes ago, iwantcookies said:

In person. Volunteer is a no. I need to make $$$ to live.

Totally understandable. But I would hope that there are volunteer activites at night.  We have our meetings in the evenings so working folks can attend and have some activities on weekends for the same reason.  I would wager in the NY area therea are tons of book clubs, art clubs, card clubs, walking clubs, bird watchers, gardening clubs etc.   Google what interests you!

[Teafortwo]

3 hours ago, iwantcookies said:

Meet up was a bust for me. I’m willing to try. I’m desperate for friends. 

I'd encourage you to try it again. A lot depends in who shows up at any given event.  I've gone on hikes where I didn't meet anyone I liked, and others where I eventually met one of my closest friends. We've had a lot of hiking and other adventures! There is even a meetup for atheists. I agree with other posters, it's best to pick activities you already enjoy. Also, classes at the Y are a great idea. Good luck! I always enjoy your posts. I know there are people out there that will really enjoy your company. 

Edited July 8, 2021 by Teafortwo
typo

[iwantcookies]

Thank you for great suggestions!!!

[Teafortwo]

19 minutes ago, iwantcookies said:

Thank you for great suggestions!!!

Also keep in mind that most people who go to meetups and do other activities (like volunteering) are looking for new friends, too. 

[TurtlePower]

19 hours ago, iwantcookies said:

I think I’m going to join an app that helps you to make female friends. Worth a try. Wish I had siblings. I’m really shy and anxious to talk about myself.

Awwww! Hugs! I understand and have a hard time making friends, especially female ones. I have autism which always made it harder for me—I never understood the social nuances of female friendships, so many of my acquaintances were/are male. I tend to blurt things out versus dance around them, and prefer my friends to be understanding of this trait I have. Many women find me awkward, so it’s a challenge for me. 

i genuinely wish you luck and understand how frustrating it can be. I currently have 3 genuine friends who “get” and accept me. Sometimes, they pop I to your life when you’re least expecting it.