Leon Brown: So Here's Me

[Sofa Sloth]

Your Weekly Dose Of Real Snarkiness

~A newsletter for the Unwoke COL community~

Welcome to all new subscribers! Thank you for joining our movement and signing up for information about our products. We guarantee this won’t be the worst newsletter in the world (that award’s taken). 

A lot has happened since our establishment one week ago and we are pleased to announce the expansion of Unwoke COL, with the launch of our all new homewares range! 

Introducing the Unwoke COL Frypan™️!

With an easy grip handle, this sturdy skillet is perfect for delivering a blow to the noggin of unwanted woke and intersectional visitors . With it’s surprisingly light-weight design, it aims to stun and confuse, without causing major damage. No crime scenes in your kitchen! No jail time! Just an end to the pretentious blathering. How good! 

Unwoke COL Mop™️!

Much like the Unwoke COL Indoor Sweeper, this soon-to-be-household staple, is also used to forcefully escort the enlightened off your premises, the key difference is, it’s patented clever design, also delivers a well-needed wash to the individual. It’s truly a device that gives back and we here at UnwokeCOL are extremely conscious of being charitable to our wider community.

Unwoke COL Plunger™️ - A game changer! It allows you to sneak up behind and suction easily on to the greasiest parts of the unwashed intruder (we recommend hair), then it’s just a simple process of dragging them out of your sight. With its strong design and easy-grip handle, you’ll be rid of them faster than FT can demolish a taco.  

Last but certainly not least, is the Unwoke COL Rolling Pin!™️ A multifunctional tool; you can use it to deliver a blow (much like the Unwoke COL frypan) as demonstrated above. 

Alternatively, if you can catch the folx in a downward-dog type yoga position, you can use it to roll and flatten the doughy individual, until they are a soft new shaggy rug. Well isn’t that a nice unexpected bonus?

Please contact your local representative to purchase any of the revolutionary products featured in this newsletter!  

Interested in becoming a Unwoke COL representative? We are still looking for passionate and crotchety ladies who are against woke folx jibberish to join our MLM company, so order a starter pack today! 

Yours in cranky old-soul cluelessness,

Sofa Sloth

Edited September 28, 2019 by Sofa Sloth
Fixing my errors

[Higgins]

13 hours ago, xwordfanatik said:

Don't forget the cast iron skillet!  

"Grace to others?"  That's rich, coming from Pretentious Pudgy Poo-Poo Princess.  She couldn't offer grace to anyone if she tried.  Me, me, me, self-love, self-care, SELFISH beyond measure.  Go suck an egg, fool.

Especially her own mother. She will make a great SW!

[TurtlePower]

13 hours ago, Absolom said:

Restorative justice IIRC is the practice of trying to rehabilitate criminal offenders by reconciling them with their victims.

Maybe Mariah should practice on “Sam” and Meri, see how it goes..........

[Jeanne222]

12 hours ago, Gramto6 said:

My guess, read that book she showed and you will get the gist of her paper. 😉

ETA: She sure looked shaky to me in that yoga video. You'd think for the expert she claims to be that  she' be very smooth and composed. Not that I could do any of what she did at all, but then I don't proclaim to be an expert teacher either.

She's lifting a lot of weight on those moves!  Just saying....

[xwordfanatik]

Sofa, you are wonderful!  Can't stop laughing here, and you continue to create those priceless pix of cranky COL's.  That toilet plunger is just what Miss Wokefulness needs for that greasy mop.  Sign me up. ❤️

[LilWharveyGal]

6 hours ago, Sofa Sloth said:

This one is giving me life, as the kids say.

[Mahamid Frauded Me]

Thank you @Sofa Sloth  these are the funniest posts evah !!!  keep them coming ! 

[xwordfanatik]

1 hour ago, Mahamid Frauded Me said:

Thank you @Sofa Sloth  these are the funniest posts evah !!!  keep them coming ! 

Yours are great, too.  Strife with Janelle always makes me laugh!

[Gramto6]

6 hours ago, xwordfanatik said:

Sofa, you are wonderful!  Can't stop laughing here, and you continue to create those priceless pix of cranky COL's.  That toilet plunger is just what Miss Wokefulness needs for that greasy mop.  Sign me up. ❤️

This so much!! Thanks Sofa!!

[ginger90]

[Gramto6]

Oh please! 🤮🤮🤮

[Twopper]

15 hours ago, Sofa Sloth said:

Please contact your local representative to purchase any of the revolutionary products featured in this newsletter!  

I would like to order a broom, please.  I think I have all the other items including 2 rolling pins. Also I have 2 pianos to drown out the woke folx when zhey sing the song of zheir peeps. 

This is hilarious!!!  

Our broom holder broke and the poor thing was stuffed in a corner in a small closet and the straws are all flipped up.   Almost totally useless now. 

[Sofa Sloth]

On 9/28/2019 at 9:13 AM, deirdra said:

I need to heal after watching that video of a pale manatee doing yoga while watching non-zen TV.  

I thought this comparison was too harsh actually; Manatees obviously wash themselves clean all the time, so it’s a bit unfair to them 😉 

Nah I totally see it and you’re hilarious (also we are going to hell). 

[xwordfanatik]

14 hours ago, ginger90 said:

More self-love bullshit from the Queen of Woke Folx?  What the actual fuck?  

Gawd, Pudge, get over yourself.  Ditch Sludge and just marry yourself.  That's all you care about, from the looks of it.

Hahaha, dying here, that manatee comparison is perfect!  

[Sofa Sloth]

8 hours ago, xwordfanatik said:

More self-love bullshit from the Queen of Woke Folx?  What the actual fuck?  

Gawd, Pudge, get over yourself.  Ditch Sludge and just marry yourself.  That's all you care about, from the looks of it.

Hahaha, dying here, that manatee comparison is perfect!  

Sheesh. The last thing she needs is more teaching/encouragement on how to self love. She’s already got that down pat.

I think I’ll send her some more appropriate reading material for next weekend (as a thank you for appearing in the ad campaign for Unwoke COL).

 

[Kohola3]

Perfect!

Of course the Queen of Narcissism won't ever acknowledge it.

[AZChristian]

12 hours ago, Kohola3 said:

Perfect!

Of course the Queen of Narcissism won't ever acknowledge it.

She'd buy a whole box of them . . . to give to other people to help THEM recognize THEIR faults.

[laurakaye]

Self love!  Me!  I!  Me me me love!!  Self love for me and I!  I always love me!  Me me me self me self self self I I I meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

Gosh, and in the next room her rainbow partner for life slides into a months-long deep depression.

Pudge, I think you've got the self-love down pat.  Perhaps lift your eyes from your constant naval-gazing and take a quick look around you once in awhile, you pretentious poser snowflake.

[TurtlePower]

46 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

Self love!  Me!  I!  Me me me love!!  Self love for me and I!  I always love me!  Me me me self me self self self I I I meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

Gosh, and in the next room her rainbow partner for life slides into a months-long deep depression.

Pudge, I think you've got the self-love down pat.  Perhaps lift your eyes from your constant naval-gazing and take a quick look around you once in awhile, you pretentious poser snowflake.

This. ALL MARIAH DOES is love herself. I suspect she only “cares” about certain causes on the surface, as it suits HER, to make herself appear more woke.  It comes across so fake.

She’s right up there with Whitney Thore in  the narcissism department. 

[jojo3couleurs]

On 9/27/2019 at 6:02 PM, Kohola3 said:

Oh, for fuck's sake what kind of trauma has she had in her snowflake life.  She's been a privileged spoiled brat from the get go.  What the hell does she have to "heal" from.

Haven't you heard of the catfish incident?!?!?!?!?! with her MOM?????!?! 😱

[Yeah No]

15 hours ago, TurtlePower said:

This. ALL MARIAH DOES is love herself. I suspect she only “cares” about certain causes on the surface, as it suits HER, to make herself appear more woke.  It comes across so fake.

She’s right up there with Whitney Thore in  the narcissism department. 

Perhaps because of these two and the increasing numbers of narcissistic young people I read about I've been reading on this subject and it seems that narcissism is on the rise in our society, especially in the younger generation.  No one knows why but theories abound.  When I look at Mariah she seems like the result of a combination of inherited traits leading to a strong personality and the way she was raised.  Some people think too much praise when growing up is to blame.  Others think it's a strange combination of parental over-indulgence and emotional neglect.  I think Mariah was raised to think she was special and because she grew up in some ways apart from the others, she thought herself unique and above the rest and thus above sharing and sacrificing anything.  Obviously, Meri's financial arrangement in which she got the same budget as the other wives that had many more children fed into that entitlement in Mariah.  I can see how Meri's attitude about her place in the family as Mariah was growing up being "first wife" shows that she could have passed down some of that attitude to Mariah (like the incident with her insisting on the big mansion with the wet bar).  I have often felt that a lot of the Brown children are surprisingly un-like Mariah even WITH the reality show.  But when you look at their mothers, like doormats Christine and Janelle, you can see why.  Those mothers probably tried to instill a sense of self-sacrifice in their kids (or at least modeled it) while I can see that any such message somehow did not come across from Meri to Mariah, probably because Meri was too busy modeling selfishness to send it.

This article on the subject is interesting.

Edited October 1, 2019 by Yeah No

[laurakaye]

Regarding Mariah, I agree with what you've said, @Yeah No, 100%.  She was raised entitled.  We've seen several glimpses into that during the span of this show.  Her siblings seemed to enjoy pranking her to get a reaction out of her.  She was likely seen as the Princess in the Tower who couldn't be touched, the one who never had to share a bedroom, always got plenty to eat, received her mom's undivided attention and probably much of Kody's as well.  If her parents fawned over every crap she took, then yes - we are being treated to a grown-up version of that same princess.  I highly doubt that she will ever change.  She's the spawn of Kody's narcissism and Meri's superiority.

Edited October 1, 2019 by laurakaye

[Kohola3]

8 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

She's the spawn of Kody's narcissism and Meri's superiority.

And I honestly wonder about this whole queer tale. Is it for real or just another way for her to get attention?  A flagrant "screw you" to Kootie and his fake religion?  A way to garner another audience for her influencer career?  Guess time will tell.

[TurtlePower]

13 minutes ago, Kohola3 said:

And I honestly wonder about this whole queer tale. Is it for real or just another way for her to get attention?  A flagrant "screw you" to Kootie and his fake religion?  A way to garner another audience for her influencer career?  Guess time will tell.

I don’t get the influencer thing with Mariah. I get it when it comes to someone like Paris Hilton; she wears such-and-such sunglasses and they become a thing. But Mariah? Who is this self-promoting-but-just-average ego maniac influencing besides a small group of followers? 

She isn’t an expert at anything. She holds no clout in yoga, she has no training in nutrition, she is new to running. She doesn’t even look fit so she can’t sell that; she looks soft, sallow, grungy and pudgy—with a lousy personality as the cherry on top. Nothing to sell there. 

[xwordfanatik]

17 minutes ago, TurtlePower said:

I don’t get the influencer thing with Mariah. I get it when it comes to someone like Paris Hilton; she wears such-and-such sunglasses and they become a thing. But Mariah? Who is this self-promoting-but-just-average ego maniac influencing besides a small group of followers? 

She isn’t an expert at anything. She holds no clout in yoga, she has no training in nutrition, she is new to running. She doesn’t even look fit so she can’t sell that; she looks soft, sallow, grungy and pudgy—with a lousy personality as the cherry on top. Nothing to sell there. 

But she LOVES HERSELF!  I totally agree with you.  Nothing to sell there.  Influencer to gorge oneself on avocado toast, overpriced coffee/assorted drinks, and crappy yoga poses?  Hard, hard pass, for this COL.  

[Kohola3]

1 hour ago, TurtlePower said:

I don’t get the influencer thing with Mariah. I get it when it comes to someone like Paris Hilton; she wears such-and-such sunglasses and they become a thing. But Mariah? Who is this self-promoting-but-just-average ego maniac influencing besides a small group of followers? 

And yet how many glowing, gushing remarks does she have every time she makes some insipid posting? It's mind-boggling to this COL.

[ginger90]

[Mahamid Frauded Me]

24 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

actually looking a little frumpy and dumpy, but maybe Pudge is being nice because Sludge brought

[xwordfanatik]

Again with the turned-in feet!  I hope Mother Meri fills that she's getting her money's worth.  Actually, Meri's money is her sycophants' money.  I hope they fill that THEY are getting their money's worth.  

[Sandy W]

4 minutes ago, xwordfanatik said:

Again with the turned-in feet!  I hope Mother Meri fills that she's getting her money's worth.  Actually, Meri's money is her sycophants' money.  I hope they fill that THEY are getting their money's worth.  

The winsome little girl look simply doesn't work when wearing a pair of size 12 canvas scampers.  Not "cute as heck".

Why is she staring at the one blank cubby in that wall unit?

[xwordfanatik]

1 hour ago, Sandy W said:

The winsome little girl look simply doesn't work when wearing a pair of size 12 canvas scampers.  Not "cute as heck".

Why is she staring at the one blank cubby in that wall unit?

Her mind's a blank.  So much stress from grad school, and ya know, life 😉

This family and certain members more so than others, are weird.  That's the nicest thingK I can think of at the moment.  These "artfully" posed pics are so dumb.  

[Kohola3]

Oh, girl, who painted those hideous pants on you?

[DakotaJustice]

1 hour ago, Kohola3 said:

Oh, girl, who painted those hideous pants on you?

I'm guessing they're LLR leggings? 

[Kohola3]

1 minute ago, DakotaJustice said:

I'm guessing they're LLR leggings? 

In XXSmall.  Those things look ready to blow.

[xwordfanatik]

Typhoon!  Gawd, I'm terrible.

[DakotaJustice]

It would look miles better if she was wearing a longer top, I think...

[Mahamid Frauded Me]

On 10/1/2019 at 6:38 AM, laurakaye said:

Regarding Mariah, I agree with what you've said, @Yeah No, 100%.  She was raised entitled.  We've seen several glimpses into that during the span of this show.  Her siblings seemed to enjoy pranking her to get a reaction out of her.  She was likely seen as the Princess in the Tower who couldn't be touched, the one who never had to share a bedroom, always got plenty to eat, received her mom's undivided attention and probably much of Kody's as well.  If her parents fawned over every crap she took, then yes - we are being treated to a grown-up version of that same princess.  I highly doubt that she will ever change.  She's the spawn of Kody's narcissism and Meri's superiority.

I totally agree. It would not surprise me rubbing it in to her siblings about the mcmansion just for her and her mother, all her space, her own room. I remember that episode where she cried about not being able to be in the house by Christmas. She reminded me of Veruca Salt. I bet only 1/4 of her siblings actually like her and that's being generous.

( I really need to get photoshop )

[xwordfanatik]

Mother Meri keeps raiding Truely's closet.  Wokey Mariah wears short shirts, all the better to show her camel toe.  Both = yuck.

[Natalie68]

15 hours ago, Kohola3 said:

In XXSmall.  Those things look ready to blow.

The decorative seams look like they are cutting into her skin.  They cannot be comfy!  

[TurtlePower]

19 hours ago, ginger90 said:

Ohmigosh this poor girl. She looks like a tired old woman in desperate need of a lifestyle makeover. Bad angles, bad clothes, and to think Mariah put it out there. Sheesh. 

[Fig Newton]

I sure wish I attended the same grad school Mariah does.

Damn, they don't require much of their students, do they? Just coffee and pics?

For that she should get an A+.

[ginger90]

My reaction to this post is probably inappropriate, so I’ll just post........ along with Meri’s reply:

[Sandy W]

10 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

My reaction to this post is probably inappropriate, so I’ll just post........ along with Meri’s reply:

I honestly don't know what she's looking for here.  A March Past with a Salute?  If Mariah feels invalidated, that's on her.  There are many people struggling just to exist that don't seek this mass approval and accolades just for being who they are and are feeling isolated and confronting daily challenges.

The funny thing is, Mariah is so damn prickly, that if there was a groundswell of folx validating her, she would promptly tell them to mind their own business, who she loves should not concern anyone else.

[Yeah No]

32 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

My reaction to this post is probably inappropriate, so I’ll just post........ along with Meri’s reply:

Who is making her feel invalidated?  If she wants to see what invalidated looks like she should be forced to endure what it was like for queer folk 40-50-60-70 years ago or more.  She is living in a time when acceptance of her lifestyle is greater in our country than it's EVER been.  She has rights, advantages and public support she or even most women in general would never have even had 40 years ago now, so WTF is she complaining about?  Some stupid kids on the internet that have nothing better to do than insult EVERYONE?  Geez, stop thinking a minority of assholes equal the whole bunch because that's just not reality.  I just can't take it with these "wolk" folks looking for a reason to cry victim and generalizing from a very small group to thinking people are persecuting them around every corner!  Look at the bright side, kiddo, you could have been born 100 years ago and expected to be a sister wife to an asshole like your FATHER or WORSE and have to plunk out children every year until your uterus gives out.  Please don't get me started!!!  😠

[Kohola3]

"struggling, isolated, erasure, validation, identity, permission" - a whole bowl of word salad for "poor me".  And it's so far from the truth she can't even see it. What a load of hogwash, you entitled queer (supposedly) special snowflake.

I can show you whole populations of people who have the right to feel that way.  You. do. not.

[deirdra]

It's not because she is queer that people find her narcissism annoying.

[xwordfanatik]

1 hour ago, Yeah No said:

Who is making her feel invalidated?  If she wants to see what invalidated looks like she should be forced to endure what it was like for queer folk 40-50-60-70 years ago or more.  She is living in a time when acceptance of her lifestyle is greater in our country than it's EVER been.  She has rights, advantages and public support she or even most women in general would never have even had 40 years ago now, so WTF is she complaining about?  Some stupid kids on the internet that have nothing better to do than insult EVERYONE?  Geez, stop thinking a minority of assholes equal the whole bunch because that's just not reality.  I just can't take it with these "wolk" folks looking for a reason to cry victim and generalizing from a very small group to thinking people are persecuting them around every corner!  Look at the bright side, kiddo, you could have been born 100 years ago and expected to be a sister wife to an asshole like your FATHER or WORSE and have to plunk out children every year until your uterus gives out.  Please don't get me started!!!  😠

Love X 1,000. ❤️

[Mahamid Frauded Me]

What exactly are her struggles ? Finding the right yoga pant size ? To me she sounds like she is struggling with her own inner demons on being gay, not societies, after all its 2019.  She should focus more on being less of a narcissist, drop the "look at me " shit on SM, take a shower and focus on school.   

[TurtlePower]

1 hour ago, Yeah No said:

Who is making her feel invalidated?  If she wants to see what invalidated looks like she should be forced to endure what it was like for queer folk 40-50-60-70 years ago or more.  She is living in a time when acceptance of her lifestyle is greater in our country than it's EVER been.  She has rights, advantages and public support she or even most women in general would never have even had 40 years ago now, so WTF is she complaining about?  Some stupid kids on the internet that have nothing better to do than insult EVERYONE?  Geez, stop thinking a minority of assholes equal the whole bunch because that's just not reality.  I just can't take it with these "wolk" folks looking for a reason to cry victim and generalizing from a very small group to thinking people are persecuting them around every corner!  Look at the bright side, kiddo, you could have been born 100 years ago and expected to be a sister wife to an asshole like your FATHER or WORSE and have to plunk out children every year until your uterus gives out.  Please don't get me started!!!  😠

THIS. 

Mariah’s acting like it’s 50 years ago or something. There are still haters, but it’s very widely accepted now, more than it has ever been. I think it’s pretty amazing, but here’s Mariah the Victim, following right in her mother’s footsteps. 

[ginger90]

Can’t seem to get the quote box to cooperate.

”Geez, stop thinking a minority of assholes equal the whole bunch because that's just not reality. “

Precisely.

Life is a two way street. Mariah hasn’t learned this. That is what bugs me about her post. That’s my polite  interpretation.

Edited October 2, 2019 by ginger90