Pet Peeves: Aka Things That Make You Go "Gah!"

[auntlada]

@theredhead77, maybe you should be searching for Georgia King bedding.

[StatisticalOutlier]

19 hours ago, GHScorpiosRule said:

And if for some stupid reason I forget to lock it, it's set up so within a minute, it locks itself; that is the buttons go into lock mode---silently.

You said it's "set up" to do that.  So there's a way for you to make it so it doesn't do that?  Because I'm going to have a meltdown if car manufacturers get to decide whether people can ever leave their cars unlocked.

[theredhead77]

3 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

You said it's "set up" to do that.  So there's a way for you to make it so it doesn't do that?  Because I'm going to have a meltdown if car manufacturers get to decide whether people can ever leave their cars unlocked.

I can disable it on my car. I have keyless entry and both front door handles have a little button that you push to unlock the doors as they're being opened. The proximity the key must be to the door is really close. Same with the trunk: I can open the trunk if the key is in my pocket. But if I leave my purse in the trunk and go to unlock the doors via the handle they won't unlock because the key is too far.

Edited October 7, 2017 by theredhead77

[Mindthinkr]

14 hours ago, theredhead77 said:

But if I leave my purse in the trunk and go to unlock the doors via the handle they won't unlock because the key is too far.

That's a lazy key! I'd think that you could get at least 10' from your car. 

I went shopping the other day, remembered everything that I had read here and when I got out I used the door lock button (which I do use 75% of the time) so as not to annoy others with that loud beep (honking) sound. I will now be making more of an effort not to use the keychain lock option at all to lock my vehicle. I actually didn't have a clue that it bothered so many people. 

[auntlada]

I try to use the lock button on the door so I don't annoy people with the beep, especially outside the house since you can hear it inside houses. Even when I am standing there with the door still open while I wait for my husband to open the back so we can get out groceries, however, he uses his key to lock the door. I'm standing right there. My door is open. I'm about to lock the doors. And he opens the back and immediately locks the doors with his key. Drives me crazy.

[theredhead77]

1 hour ago, Mindthinkr said:

That's a lazy key! I'd think that you could get at least 10' from your car. 

Or a lazy me, I could just use the button on the FOB to unlock the door.

[DeLurker]

My SIL had one of the first Prius in the area where she lives.  There weren't that many here at all - went against the grain of the Texas mentality where trucks and SUVs seem to rule*.  She came out of the grocery store one day, walked to her car, the keyless fob unlocked the door, put her groceries in the back and sat in the driver seat which was in the wrong position for her.  Turns out there was an identical Prius parked in the lot - same year and color - and her key worked to unlock that car.

[janestclair]

My car beeps when I walk away from it because I have a proximity key.  It's not very loud though.  Even my horn is not very loud.  It's the one thing I don't like about my car.  I so rarely use the horn, and when I do it's so pathetic and wimpy.  

8 minutes ago, DeLurker said:

My SIL had one of the first Prius in the area where she lives.  There weren't that many here at all - went against the grain of the Texas mentality where trucks and SUVs seem to rule*.  She came out of the grocery store one day, walked to her car, the keyless fob unlocked the door, put her groceries in the back and sat in the driver seat which was in the wrong position for her.  Turns out there was an identical Prius parked in the lot - same year and color - and her key worked to unlock that car.

I once parked next to an identical car to mine, with the license plate only differing by one number.  I probably would've tried getting in the wrong car, but there was a lady sitting in my car's twin.  That's freaky though. 

[theredhead77]

17 minutes ago, DeLurker said:

My SIL had one of the first Prius in the area where she lives.  There weren't that many here at all - went against the grain of the Texas mentality where trucks and SUVs seem to rule*.  She came out of the grocery store one day, walked to her car, the keyless fob unlocked the door, put her groceries in the back and sat in the driver seat which was in the wrong position for her.  Turns out there was an identical Prius parked in the lot - same year and color - and her key worked to unlock that car.

Tha's freaky!

[TattleTeeny]

Quote

Yes, people have SO much time to bitch and complain, often to beleaguered customer service reps who have little or nothing to do with the problem.  I like giving positive feedback whenever possible - it is amazing how a small gesture of thanks and friendliness can make another person's day.

While I get mad and pissy easily, and have been known to be initially impatient and even sarcastic to the middleman, I can usually pull it back and and say, "Sorry, venting; not your fault!"--and the Optimum employees in particular seem to be quite familiar and equipped to deal with such, poor things. The other night I paid October's bill and September's overdue one together (so not like me; I must have tossed the unpaid September bill in the shred pile by mistake and gone about my life). Anyway, yesterday, I got a notice in the mail that Optimum would possibly be turning my services (internet, phone, cable) off. Mortified, I contacted them by chat and told them what happened, saying, "I've had a crazy week, and all I want tonight is to lounge around and watch TV! Please don't turn me off!" The rep confirmed that the payment was indeed processing and replied, "Same here, and we won't. Promise!" 

 

Quote

And they take a "vacay" (maybe to "Cali" or "Hotlanta"), during which they go "cray cray".  Baby talk is a perfectly legitimate peeve (even when directed toward babies or pets, but especially otherwise).

For some reason, while "cray cray" annoys the crap out of me, just "cray" makes me laugh--especially muttered under one's breath, and even accompanied by slang pronoun usage (for instance, "[quiet gasp] Ooh, she cray," from, say, someone in a cashier line about some loon delaying the process or whatever). Also, "sammiches" makes me laugh too. And abbreviation of professional titles a la Karen Walker ("dermy" for dermatologist, "pharmy," etc.).

We have a weird-phrasing thing in NJ (probably many, actually): down the shore. It's odd because we mean it not as "I am already at the shore and will now be heading southward," but as "I am going down to the shore." I don't know where the "to" went, or if it was ever there. Doesn't bother me or anything, despite my career in "grammar policing"; it's just always how it's been as far as I know as a lifelong Jersey person.

 

Quote

 

As far as birthdays in the office go, I strongly feel that everyone should be treated the same. Recently I was obliged to attend a birthday lunch for a co-worker where they had her favorite food followed by a big cake with candles and singing and a hand-made birthday card signed by everyone. She was thrilled. I was devastated because my birthday was two weeks earlier and nobody so much as said good morning to me. I'm a really private person so a fuss would have horrified me but the contrast really made me feel like crap.

Woman crap. Never girl crap.

 

Same thing happened to me! Our department has recently become super-cliquey, full of inflated importance on some people's parts (some of you are familiar with my work peeves!). Now, I do not give a fuck about my birthday being celebrated; I'll take it or leave it, whatever. And I don't want any cake. But when I see people coming in early to put balloons and shit all over someone's cube a week after mine came and went, it feels pretty bad! Again, it is not that I want balloons, it's the seemingly deliberate picking and choosing that gets under my skin, whether it's me who's not been picked and chosen, or someone else (and there are a couple of someone elses). What makes it worse is that our manager keeps an iCal, which we can all see and that sends direct messages to all of us, that has everyone's birthdays on it. 
 

Quote

I have to say, "Off," whenever I turn off the stove or unplug the iron, or else I worry all day that the house will burn down. :)  I had no idea that others do it too!

I have to make a point to somehow mentally "mark" or "imprint" this kind of stuff too but it's an OCD thing (in the legit diagnosed sense, not the now-popular "Tee-hee, I am, like, soooo OCD because I like neatness" sense). It's not even all the time that I get crazy, but if I am already stressed, the worry over everyday things kicks into high gear hard and uncomfortably. 

Edited October 8, 2017 by TattleTeeny

[PRgal]

On 10/4/2017 at 7:52 PM, partofme said:

I find being called ma'am highly offensive and it's happened since my early 20's.  

So what should people call you if they don't know your name (e.g. servers, hosts at the check-in at restaurants, etc...)?  Hey, you?  That doesn't sound very polite, does it? 

 

I've probably posted this before:

I'm 38 and I have no problems with "ma'am."  I didn't exactly change my name after I married (I married 11 days before my 31st birthday, so technically, still 30), and added his last name to mine.  I don't care if you call me Mrs. Husbandsname or Ms. Bothnames or Ms. Maidenname (I guess the proper term should be "birth last name").  What I DO have a problem with is when adults introduce me to their kids by my first name rather than Ms. or Mrs.  I've noticed that this comes MORE OFTEN from people whose families have been in Canada for generations than those who are first or second generation Canadian - depending on culture and how long I've known them, I might even be introduced as "Auntie."  

[DeLurker]

54 minutes ago, PRgal said:

What I DO have a problem with is when adults introduce me to their kids by my first name rather than Ms. or Mrs. 

That happens here too.  My kids call my close friends Miss First Name, otherwise it is Mr./Mrs./Miss Last Name.

Being called ma'am was never a bad thing in my book.  Probably the lingering effect of the super-cute crush using his oh-so-swoonable drawl that would call me that when we were still teens.

[theredhead77]

On the flip side, I'd prefer to be introduced by my first name, not Ms. Lastname. I'd tolerate Ms.Firstname  but it would make me cringe inside. I'm not a fan of "Aunt" as a title if you're not related. That goes back to two of my mom's friends being referred to as "Aunt Name" and me not figuring out they weren't actually related to us until I was in my teens. It was never presented that they were blood family, my mom never referred to them as her sisters and my dad is an only child. It was just me being clueless. I'm not even a fan of being referred to as "Cousin Name".  There are 16 years between me and my youngest cousin. Her mom tried to get her to call me "Cousin name" and we got into it because I didn't want the title. She wasn't "Cousin name" to me and the blood relative, the child's dad, was never "Cousin Name" to me , even when I was a kid and there is a 16 or so year difference between us. My parents and his parents were always "Aunt and Uncle".

Which brings me to a pet peeve. My dad has been doing some family tree digging and getting in contact with long lost extended cousins. He's really excited about it, I feign interest for his sake but couldn't care less. They weren't in my life, no one in our family made any sort of effort to stay in contact over the years, hold reunions, dinners, gatherings, whatever. As far as I'm concerned, these people are just random strangers that my dad knows.

One of them wanted my email address, so my dad gave it to her (with my permission) and she starts emailing me like we're old friends, peppering me with a bajillion questions about my move, my life. I sent brief replies and I told my dad that to me, this person is a stranger and I resent the intrusive questions. He probably told her I was busy because I took so long to reply (out of obligation). So what does he do? He gives her my new address where she sent me a card and a target gift card. It was a very sweet gesture but it felt so manipulative of her, as a way to keep this contact up that I obviously wasn't comfortable with. I sent her a brief thank you note, of course but I'm seriously irritated about it.

Edited October 8, 2017 by theredhead77

[partofme]

1 hour ago, PRgal said:

So what should people call you if they don't know your name (e.g. servers, hosts at the check-in at restaurants, etc...)?  Hey, you?  That doesn't sound very polite, does it? 

 

 

They can call me "Miss".  " Ma'am" is a term that mean's that you are old.

Edited October 8, 2017 by partofme

[PRgal]

8 minutes ago, partofme said:

They can call me "Miss".  " Ma'am" is a term that mean's that you are old.

Now THAT is something I cringe at.  To me, "Miss" is what you call a teenage girl/someone who isn't old enough to drink. 

[Wiendish Fitch]

One advantage of living in the South is that I've been called "ma'am" since I was 7. Where I live, it doesn't matter if you're 1 or 100; if you're female, you're "ma'am" ("miss" if they really like you). I'm 35 now, I'm definitely "ma'am", there's no going back, and no use bitching about it. 

I roll my eyes at women who are offended at "ma'am", I just don't get it. There's a scene in one of the Transformers movies where Frances McDormand gets all pissy about the term and snaps, "Do I look like a 'ma'am'??" Uh, you're a woman of a certain age and you're in a position of authority, so, yes, you're a "ma'am".

I would have punctuated that last sentence with "bitch", but that would have been giving Michael Bay too much power.

Edited October 8, 2017 by Wiendish Fitch

[Wings]

On 10/4/2017 at 7:02 PM, backformore said:

I like Ms.   

the reason for it is that a man is "Mr."  no matter if he is married or single, why should a woman be addressed according to her marital status?  

Yes.  It would be nice if that could replace ma'am but until then I will take Miss.  Nothing wrong that for any age woman.  

1 hour ago, partofme said:

They can call me "Miss".  " Ma'am" is a term that mean's that you are old.

I agree.  Sharon Osborn calls women Mrs, it must be an English thing.  That isn't bad even if your aren't married.  Anything but ma'am.  

Edited October 8, 2017 by wings707

[Fairfax]

17 minutes ago, PRgal said:

Now THAT is something I cringe at.  To me, "Miss" is what you call a teenage girl/someone who isn't old enough to drink. 

The local Safeway supermarkets have apparently instructed their staff members to address all female customers as "Miss" instead of "Ma'am".  I look like a grandma (the grey-haired Aunt Bea type, not the Auntie Mame version) & don't expect to be called "Miss", especially by a bagger who doesn't seem old enough to drive himself to work.  I'm not offended, just surprised & tend to react with a "Who? Me?"-type response.

[partofme]

5 minutes ago, Fairfax said:

The local Safeway supermarkets have apparently instructed their staff members to address all female customers as "Miss" instead of "Ma'am".  I look like a grandma (the grey-haired Aunt Bea type, not the Auntie Mame version) & don't expect to be called "Miss", especially by a bagger who doesn't seem old enough to drive himself to work.  I'm not offended, just surprised & tend to react with a "Who? Me?"-type response.

I don't care if you look old I will never call another female ma'am, I think it's one of the worst insults around.

[PRgal]

7 minutes ago, partofme said:

I don't care if you look old I will never call another female ma'am, I think it's one of the worst insults around.

Here's the thing.  I see "ma'am" as the equivalent of "Ms." - the female version of "sir."  Miss is, well, Miss, and should be for kids.  Miss might very well go the way of "Master" - which was once used to address boys under a certain age.  To be honest, the only places I ever heard "master" used was on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and period shows/movies!

Edited October 8, 2017 by PRgal

[Wings]

On 10/4/2017 at 10:07 AM, MrSmith said:

Hmmm. I address all females who are strangers as "ma'am", without any regard for their age. Mostly this is women with whom I am conducting business, such as servers at a restaurant, salespersons at stores, tellers at the bank, and so on. I'm terrible with names and struggle to remember their names for the time between reading their nametag and using their name in conversation. It's not meant to be insulting or demeaning; I'm just trying to be polite and respectful in a circumstance where I don't know their name.

Unfortunately it is not respectful.  Intent is not conveyed when that word is used.  Women probably won't correct you on the spot, they will  just grin an bear it but cringe inside.  I used to do that but no longer.  I tell them point blank, do not call me ma'am it is insulting.  

 Many well intended men think as you do.  I wish two major things could be announced to the world. One to stop the use of ma'am and two, never press a hamburger with a spatula!  Those need to be cleared up.  :^)  

18 minutes ago, partofme said:

I don't care if you look old I will never call another female ma'am, I think it's one of the worst insults around.

Agree.  It is demeaning.  It is a slur for the word madam.  

Edited October 8, 2017 by wings707

[peacheslatour]

I just say "Yo, Bitch!"

 

/s

[Quof]

If you can't bring yourself to call me Your Highness, you may call me ma'am.  Not miss.  Or Miss.  Or girl.

[theredhead77]

11 minutes ago, wings707 said:

Unfortunately it is not respectful.  Intent is not conveyed when that word is used.  Women probably won't correct you on the spot, they will  just grin an bear it but cringe inside.  I used to do that but no longer.  I tell them point blank, do not call me ma'am it is insulting.  

 Many well intended men think as you do.  I wish two major things could be announced to the world. One to stop the use of ma'am and two, never press a hamburger with a spatula!  Those need to be cleared up.  :^)  

Please don't speak for all women, @wings707. Not all women think ma'am is disrespectful. Even in this discussion different women have different takes on the word ma'am.  At one time perhaps it was disrespectful; however, meaning and intent changes throughout time, for many words.

[Wings]

Just now, theredhead77 said:

Please don't speak for all women, @wings707. Not all women think ma'am is disrespectful. Even in this discussion different women have different takes on the word ma'am.  At one time perhaps it was disrespectful; however, meaning and intent changes throughout time, for many words.

I stand corrected.  Not all women.  

[ABay]

I don't understand how "ma'am" is insulting. It's the same as sir for men. Personally, I'd never chew someone out for making the "wrong" choice unless it was unambiguously insulting like "hey, fat ass." I do wish students would learn that the letters PhD after a person's name indicates "Doctor" or "Professor" but I don't scream at them for using Miss or Mrs in a first email to me, I just make sure I sign my reply  "Dr. A. Bay."  Unless they're grad students I've met in a class, in which case I tell them they can call me A since we've met.  I don't my professional title in non-work life, but I also don't scream at people who use it.

[bilgistic]

I watch "Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team"*, and the cheerleaders are clearly instructed behind the scenes to answer the team director and choreographer with "Yes, ma'am". (I so wish they'd show the conversation directing them to do so.) It comes off as so forced because the women are young (average 19 to 25, probably), and it's likely not natural for women that age/generation in this culture to have been raised to answer their elders that way.

They are always called "girls" in the show, which chaps my hide, but I guess "consider the source", right?

*I know, but I was a dancer from ages 13 to 21, and I watch it for that reason. It flies in the face of all my feminist sensibilities. Don't judge. I'm judging myself enough already.

[theredhead77]

Why are you judging yourself @bilgistic? The women who are participating are adults and they're going to be trying out with or without the TV cameras (well most of them, probably).

[auntlada]

1 hour ago, partofme said:

They can call me "Miss".  " Ma'am" is a term that mean's that you are old.

I do not believe that ma'am means you are old. I realize that some of you do, and that historically it may have, but I do not believe it does now. You may call me ma'am any time you want. As I am obviously over 7, please don't call me miss. To me, that feels demeaning. I can't explain why exactly, but it does, like calling a grown man "boy."

Besides, I am older than a lot of people. I will be 50 next year. Whether or not that is old depends on your perspective. Sometimes I feel old. To my son, I am. To my mother, I am not.

But what's wrong with being old? It just means I've been alive a while. It doesn't mean all I can do is sit in my rocking chair and crochet, if it ever did. My grandmother was active doing things and going places well into her 80s until she went into the hospital with cancer the last time. Her daughters had to get on her calender to do things because she was so busy. My mom is 80 now and is very active with her church, the public library board and the gardening club. She is also the designated driver for a number of women around her age when they need to go out of town. She walks a couple of miles every morning with a neighbor lady. I think she would call herself old, but say so what?

I watched that a few times and always enjoyed it, @bilgistic. If you won't tell, I won't. It always makes me think of the Love Boat episodes with the Dallas Cowboy cherleaders. I loved those episodes.

[bilgistic]

13 minutes ago, theredhead77 said:

Why are you judging yourself @bilgistic? The women who are participating are adults and they're going to be trying out with or without the TV cameras (well most of them, probably).

The cheerleaders are held to nearly impossible body standards, and some women, despite being amazing dancers, may not be "pretty enough" for the team or "don't look good in the uniform". They'll take a less fantastic dancer over one with...other assets. I mean, I get it to a point, but it goes against a lot of what I stand for personally.

A lot of them can't even hold a job because of the training required outside of practice to maintain their physiques, i.e., weight requirements. They have to rely on family/spouse (hetero, of course)/etc. financial support. It's also very conservative (see also: Jerry Jones) and religion-touched.

It is my TV guilty pleasure. Clearly, I can't just detach and watch it without turning off my brain. Dammit.

OK; thread derailment over!

[StatisticalOutlier]

22 hours ago, theredhead77 said:

I can disable it on my car.

Oh, thank heavens.  I know there are some cars where you can't stop the beeping/honking, and I just shake my head.  But maybe it's only if you want to use the remote.  But it seems to me if the manufacturer* can program a remote to make the horn honk, it can also program it to make the horn not honk.

*HUGE peeve--people who use "mfg" as an abbreviation for "manufacturer" in internet posts or emails.  "Call the mfg and see if they know how to fix it."  "That refrigerator is mfg in Indiana." 

 

8 hours ago, Mindthinkr said:

I will now be making more of an effort not to use the keychain lock option at all to lock my vehicle. I actually didn't have a clue that it bothered so many people. 

Thank you.  It seems like silence (or lack of aroma) in public would be the default, but it's increasingly not.  And I'm still enough of a pollyanna to think, "If they only knew..." despite having been disabused of that notion more than once when letting them know.

 

2 hours ago, wings707 said:

I wish two major things could be announced to the world. One to stop the use of ma'am and two, never press a hamburger with a spatula!  Those need to be cleared up.  :^) 

Uh oh.  I'm okay with being called "ma'am" when I eat at Smashburger. 

 

1 hour ago, auntlada said:

But what's wrong with being old?

But what's laudatory about it, either?  Last week, Billy Crystal was a guest on Bill Maher's show, and Crystal mentioned he's fixing to turn 70.  The audience applauded, and Maher went off on them, ending with "Fuck you." 

He's noted before that he's I think 60, and that he's noticing age-related things more often, but asked what's applause-worthy about being a given age?  I wanted to cheer that.  All it means is that you haven't died.  Big deal.  So you probably have good genes (or even favorable genes for living in a particular society) and have managed not to share a space with a drunk driver, or offed yourself by looking at your phone when jaywalking.  So what? 

And I'll point out that when the audience applauded, Billy Crystal made a motion around his face, and said something about how he was holding up well.  Which is true, although I couldn't help but contrast his gray beard with his unnaturally red Ronald Reagan/Arnold Schwarzenegger-like hair.

Edited October 8, 2017 by StatisticalOutlier

[Bastet]

I like Madam, as it's the equivalent of Sir, rather than Ma'am or Miss, because I find it ridiculous to differentiate based on age for women.  But for some reason only Ma'am and Miss are in widespread use; people seem to think they need to choose from those two.  Maybe because of that, I've reached a point where I don't get annoyed by Ma'am, despite its offensive history, unless the person is actively making an age-based insult by using it (rather than trying to be respectful, unaware they're using a word many find to be the exact opposite).  Miss can easily sound incredibly patronizing, like a verbal pat on the head (in fact, to me it almost always does), so I actually hate that one more.  But, as with Ma'am, I try not to reflexively react to the word alone, because for whatever reason Madam largely disappeared, people are choosing from two bad options.

Edited October 8, 2017 by Bastet

[theredhead77]

This started floating around my Facebook lately. It's timely.

1 minute ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Oh, thank heavens.  I know there are some cars where you can't stop the beeping/honking, and I just shake my head.  But maybe it's only if you want to use the remote.  But it seems to me if the manufacturer* can program a remote to make the horn honk, it can also program it to make the horn not honk.

I think most cars have a 'one button push = locked doors and two button pushes = locked doors with honk confirmation' feature. So habit, preference or passive aggressiveness may be the reason you hear so much honking rather than default settings 

[StatisticalOutlier]

And we generally don't applaud people for their privileges.

[DeLurker]

34 minutes ago, bilgistic said:

A lot of them can't even hold a job because of the training required outside of practice to maintain their physiques, i.e., weight requirements. They have to rely on family/spouse (hetero, of course)/etc. financial support. It's also very conservative (see also: Jerry Jones) and religion-touched.

I was on the drill team in high school.  My first year was the last year of the weekly public weigh-ins where your weight was announced to 89 other girls and commented on (still need to lose 2 more lbs I see).  The original director was Texas born & bred.  Subsequent directors dropped that like a hot potato.

I never got weight comments because I was on the svelte side (although usually it was referred to uncharitable as skinny/skeletal) but it was a heavy handed dose of public humiliation.

[backformore]

4 hours ago, theredhead77 said:

Which brings me to a pet peeve. My dad has been doing some family tree digging and getting in contact with long lost extended cousins. He's really excited about it, I feign interest for his sake but couldn't care less. They weren't in my life, no one in our family made any sort of effort to stay in contact over the years, hold reunions, dinners, gatherings, whatever. As far as I'm concerned, these people are just random strangers that my dad knows.

Yes, I feel the same.  

I wouldn't mind meeting someone for coffee, to chat about similarities and differences.   But to get all excited about distant relatives, and plan reunions, seems dreadful to me.  

My mom used to try to get me to send wedding and baby gifts to cousins in Europe I never met, because "They're FAMILY!"   Even though nobody from that side of the family ever sent ME anything.  

[theredhead77]

@backformore I meant throughout the years no one made an effort throughout the years to make us a closer family so I would know who these random people are.

[backformore]

2 hours ago, ABay said:

I don't understand how "ma'am" is insulting. It's the same as sir for men

I agree.   

When meeting with the Queen, it is acceptable to greet her as "Your Royal Highness", and then to use "Ma'am" after that.  

If it's good enough for the Queen, I take it as a sign of respect. 

I really have no clue as to why it would be insulting to use proper manners.  I have had opportunity to interview young men who are in the military, and they answer most questions with yes Ma'am, no Ma'am.  I never thought of it as anything other than respect. 

[backformore]

7 minutes ago, theredhead77 said:

@backformore I meant throughout the years no one made an effort throughout the years to make us a closer family so I would know who these random people are.

Yes, I didn't explain my post well.   I have a town full of relatives in Europe.  They were never part of my life, I was never part of theirs.  They are strangers to me.   So it always annoyed the heck out of me when my mom would get an announcement that some distant cousin I never heard of, had a baby, and that I should send a gift.  Nope.  

And looking at old photos, of great-grandpa's cousin? No interest. Or tracing family trees, writing it all down for future generations - why?  

There are people in the world with whom I share a great-grandparent, or a great-great grandparent.  I am not any more interested in their lives than I am in the lives of people with whom I don't share an ancestor.  

Some people in my family take an interest, want to travel to see the house that the grandpa we never met lived in when he was a child.  I'm bored with it. My mom objects to me saying I never met him, because I apparently met him once when I was 2 years old. But since there was no contact after that one meeting, I have no interest. 

[peacheslatour]

Quote

And I'll point out that when the audience applauded, Billy Crystal made a motion around his face, and said something about how he was holding up well.

I think he looks mahvelous!

[PRgal]

Just a note:  In Hong Kong and many parts of Asia, "ma'am" is still often used when help address their female employer.  They do not call them "Miss" or "Madam."  Or even "Ms."/"Mrs."  Men are, of course, "sir."  This is cultural.

As for "ma'am,"  I am still okay with it - and prefer it over "Miss."  In fact, I find children calling me "Cynthia" (my first name) far worse. 

[Wings]

46 minutes ago, backformore said:

Yes, I didn't explain my post well.   I have a town full of relatives in Europe.  They were never part of my life, I was never part of theirs.  They are strangers to me.   So it always annoyed the heck out of me when my mom would get an announcement that some distant cousin I never heard of, had a baby, and that I should send a gift.  Nope.  

And looking at old photos, of great-grandpa's cousin? No interest. Or tracing family trees, writing it all down for future generations - why?  

There are people in the world with whom I share a great-grandparent, or a great-great grandparent.  I am not any more interested in their lives than I am in the lives of people with whom I don't share an ancestor.  

Some people in my family take an interest, want to travel to see the house that the grandpa we never met lived in when he was a child.  I'm bored with it. My mom objects to me saying I never met him, because I apparently met him once when I was 2 years old. But since there was no contact after that one meeting, I have no interest. 

Another who shares my thinking on this topic!  I absolutely agree.  

[MrSmith]

18 hours ago, wings707 said:

Unfortunately it is not respectful.  Intent is not conveyed when that word is used.  Women probably won't correct you on the spot, they will  just grin an bear it but cringe inside.  I used to do that but no longer.  I tell them point blank, do not call me ma'am it is insulting.  

 Many well intended men think as you do.  I wish two major things could be announced to the world. One to stop the use of ma'am and two, never press a hamburger with a spatula!  Those need to be cleared up.  :^)  

Agree.  It is demeaning.  It is a slur for the word madam.  

Well, look at this way: You have two choices.
1. You can completely ignore the context of the usage, the speaker's body language, and their vocal inflections and tones, and instead assign your own intent and connotations to the word.
OR
2. You can examine the context of the usage, body language, vocal inflections and tones, do your best to recognize whether it was used as an insult, and then receive it in the spirit it was most likely intended.

The first renders you highly likely to perceive and react to other people as though they're rude, condescending, misogynist assholes, which in turn will make you look like an asshole; whereas the second will make you look like a normal human being who understands they have to use their brains when parsing messages for meaning and intent.

Edited October 9, 2017 by MrSmith

[Wings]

1 minute ago, MrSmith said:

Well, look at this way: You have two choices.
1. You can completely ignore the context of the usage, the speaker's body language, and their vocal inflections and tones, and instead assign your own intent and connotations to the word.
OR
2. You can examine the context of the usage, body language, vocal inflections and tones, do your best to recognize whether it was used as an insult, and then receive it in the spirit it was most likely intended.

The first renders you highly likely to perceive and react to other people as though they're rude, condescending, misogynist assholes, which in turn will make you look like an asshole; whereas the second will make you look like a normal human being who understands they have to use their brains when parsing messages for meaning and intent.

I didn't state my opinion accurately.  I don't think anyone intends to insult when calling a woman ma'am!  Everyone who uses the word does it because, to them, it is respectful!  

[MrSmith]

7 minutes ago, wings707 said:

I didn't state my opinion accurately.  I don't think anyone intends to insult when calling a woman ma'am!  Everyone who uses the word does it because, to them, it is respectful!  

But you take insult when you are called "ma'am", correct?

[Wings]

36 minutes ago, MrSmith said:

But you take insult when you are called "ma'am", correct?

No.  I just hate it.  LOL  People using it just don't know that it irritates women.  If they did, they wouldn't do it.  I should not have used the word insulting, demeaning is probably better.  Crude, maybe?  Obnoxious?  Semantics are not important to get the point.  Not good.   :^)

[PRgal]

2 minutes ago, wings707 said:

No.  I just hate it.  LOL  People using it just don't know that it irritates women.  If they did, they wouldn't do it.  I should not have used the word insulting, demeaning is probably better.  Crude, maybe?  Obnoxious?  Semantics are not important to get the point.  Not good.   :^)

You're basing this on assumption that ALL WOMEN dislike "ma'am."  I am stating that I do not.  And many people I know do not.  The ones I know who DO also tend to be the type who would allow their children to address adults by first name. :(

[Wings]

2 minutes ago, PRgal said:

You're basing this on assumption that ALL WOMEN dislike "ma'am."  I am stating that I do not.  And many people I know do not.  The ones I know who DO also tend to be the type who would allow their children to address adults by first name. :(

I stated earlier in this thread that all women do not share my opinion.  I do not speak for all women.  If you use the word just know that not everyone likes it.   I should have said "some" women in all my posts but I didn't so I stand corrected.  

Edited October 9, 2017 by wings707

[MrSmith]

43 minutes ago, wings707 said:

No.  I just hate it.  LOL  People using it just don't know that it irritates women.  If they did, they wouldn't do it.  I should not have used the word insulting, demeaning is probably better.  Crude, maybe?  Obnoxious?  Semantics are not important to get the point.  Not good.   :^)

Well, I don't know. I think semantics are important. Demeaning is actually worse than insulting. Crude isn't really applicable, in my opinion, though I suppose there is a definition that might map poorly. Of your chosen adjectives, I'd say obnoxious is probably the one that most closely fits with the intention that I seem to be reading from you. The problem I have with you having a problem with people using "ma'am" to address you in situations where they do not know your name and yet want to address you courteously is that no one is going to know how you prefer to be generically addressed. I believe you've posted how it is you would like to be generically addressed, and I cannot currently recall what that is. Anyway, I can't imagine how much more time it would take to conduct business if people had to stop every time they encounter a woman whose name they do not know and ask them how they wish to be addressed. Even if I did stop to ask you by which generic handle you wish to be addressed, if I did not use it immediately after your reply, then I would not remember it; even if I did use it immediately, I will have forgotten it by the time I have to interact with you again (assuming I'm a server in a restaurant or performing some job that requires repeated interactions with you over time). This means I'm going to be forced to ask every woman which generic handle they prefer every time I interact with them. Do you really want me asking you what you want me to call you every time I come to your table? The reason I'm terrible with names is from working in a call center where I spoke to 100 to 200 different people daily for three to six minutes per person for 546 weeks (10 and 1/2 years). You know what I can remember? I can remember to address men as "sir" and women as "ma'am". Even when women have a nametag on, such as at a retail store: 1) the nametag is often too small, too poorly placed, and too far away from me to read, and 2) I'm not on a first-name basis with them. We are not friends; I neither want salespeople addressing me by my first name nor do I want to address them by theirs.

Edited October 9, 2017 by MrSmith

[Popples]

17 hours ago, backformore said:

When meeting with the Queen, it is acceptable to greet her as "Your Royal Highness", and then to use "Ma'am" after that.

The Queen is "Your Majesty", everyone else is "Royal Highness".