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S03.E04: Jax Nose Best

OnceSane

By OnceSane
in Vanderpump Rules

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ihartcoffee

ihartcoffee

Well, it is kinda ironic that Schemer, & FI too, spend so many hours & hours & hours & hours grooming themselves -- and after all that wasted time & effort, they both probably look far better if they just left themselves alone.

So true, but I have to admit FI Tom cracked me up with his description of how he works hard to make it look effortless. He's a tool, but he's so funny at times.

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OnceSane

OnceSane

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I noticed that Shemer called Katie "Tequila Katie!" I thought was something the message boards made up for Katie!? Or was that nickname mentioned last year on the show?

I think someone on the show called her Tequila Katie last season.

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Box305

Box305

My brother told me that his coworkers were discussing this show in the teacher's lounge but he was embarrassed to admit that he knew what they were talking about so he remained quiet. Hahaha. 

 

And he loves to make fun of Stassi and her name. He thinks it's ridiculous and pretentious. 

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meeeeech

meeeeech

As I watched the Toms and Jax palling around like buffoons at the threading place a thought occurred to me...I can almost see this show as being kind of like a "Laguna Beach: Where are they Now?" series. Like the same cast ten years later, with their parents cutting them off several years ago and having no education or ambitions, just decided to all work as busboys and servers at the same trendy restaurant and never grow up.

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ScoobieDoobs

ScoobieDoobs

Ok, aren't these guys all a little long in the tooth to be calling each other "dude" every 2 seconds?

Is it just me, or is there something sorta ick & fame-whorish bout Lance Bass now? Btw, talk bout awful nose jobs. Sorry, Lance, but you got a nose like a girl now. And just why did he turn up here? It's kinda like he's a Kardashian now -- famous for nothing anyone can figure out. If he has talent or ever had it, who would know? He just seems to turn up in places with celebs, but does nothing else.

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fliptopbox

fliptopbox

I just found it amusing Muppet has been begging so hard for his job back....as a bus boy. Talk about bottom of the food chain in a restaurant. He can't even graduate to server? Or is that chicks only at SUR? Anyway, I find it hard to believe that as a SUR busser that he makes more than what may be necessary to pay his car payment and insurance. I'm betting Cigarette Sally pays for everything else.

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starrynola

starrynola

(edited)

Ariana does her hair like she is Alicia Keys circa 2009.  Girl, get a clue.  Also, when Stassi came in CRAVING discounted "goat cheese balls", she was all "must be nice not to come in having to dress lie an idiot".  I guess what she meant was, "must be nice to come in dressed like you shop at Chico instead of Charlotte Russe Outlet in Foley, Alabama".

 

The eyebrow threading was golden.  They came in drinking beers in plastic cups? (But, switched to champagne flutes once in the back) I didn't know go-cups were legal in LA? And what was it, 930am?  FI and Shwoosh are so obviously gay.  They are not fooling anyone.  I have to believe their girlfriends and everyone else knows.  Speaking of eyebrows, Sheaners are plucked wayyyyyy too far apart.

 

Re: the rubber dildo at Jax's apartment in that scene; no doubt Shwoosh has been using that on him after he and Jax consumed all the Vicodin in one sitting the eve following the surgery.  Can't you just see them getting loaded on stolen cherry flavored vodka and wine coolers while popping pills and deciding it would be a good idea to break out the dildo? I looooooved how the camera kept focusing on the empty pill  bottles.

 

The flashback of FI getting a penis drawn on his face, dude had no fitted sheet on his bed.  He really is a mess.  I truly think most of these cast members have issues with various drugs.  However, one time I ate dutch brownies too and had a panic attack, I really thought I was dying.  It was 10 or so years ago and I haven't done edibles since.  I feel ya, Shwoosh.

 

Stassi can GTFU with her "you need to take responsibility" speech to Sheaner.  Seriously? Bitch, you have NO responsibilities.  Except, I guess, cultivating the look of a 50 year old with 3 grown children that beg you to "dress your age, mom".  I have friends here in New Orleans that knew her back in high school and swear she was a social reject drama/goth nerd.  But, she obviously comes from money, as she attended a high school that costs upwards of 20k a year.  I'm sure her long term goals were always to be taken care of monetarily by her parents, followed by whomever she eventually marries. 

 

Max.  Poor Max.  Poor Poor Max.  How hard it must be to get the brakes on your Mercedes fixed and ride around on a skateboard.  What a disgrace.  Shave your mustache dude.  No one thinks that's cool.

 

Next week looks good.  Can't wait.

Edited by starrynola
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ScoobieDoobs

ScoobieDoobs

(edited)

Shwoosh? Gave me a giggle even tho I have no idea what it means. So, er, why Shwoosh?

So what is really goin' on with Max? Is he workin' as a busboy? Seems like Lisa is supporting him -- but begrudgingly. Did she treat Pandie that way? Me thinks not. And why are Muppet & Max merely busboys? Why no waiters at SUR? Cuz men would have to wear those fugly purple dresses? Hey, I bet FI would do it.

Edited by ScoobieDoobs
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starrynola

starrynola

I guess I call him Shwoosh bc it's kinda like Shwishy which is a slang word for gay.

I'm confused about Max too. Is he older or younger than Pandy? Isn't he adopted? Were there allusions to him having drug problems on RHBH? Possibly getting thrown out of college? I'm racking my brain, but can't recall.

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BogoGog24

BogoGog24

I've never seen any waiters at SUR, only waitresses. 

 

According to Stassi's Wikipedia, she was involved with theater in high school. And that pic of her pre-chin job definitely shows her with a bit of that "goth" style. I could see all of that being true.

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ScoobieDoobs

ScoobieDoobs

(edited)

I wouldn't call Schwartz swishy. For one thing, I don't think he is. Besides, there's plenty of other great shit we now know bout him to snark on. I can think of other names -- Pussy, Loser, Lazy-ass Slug & Ball-less -- that would come to my mind first to more aptly describe Schwartzie.

So was Jax acting like that was his first time threading his brows? Please, Jax, we know better.

Hey, wtf was Ariana talkin' bout a peeing cat? What the hell?

Edited by ScoobieDoobs
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Forrealforreal

Forrealforreal

This episode was on point like FI's brows! Muppet's facial expressions to either Shay or Sheaner when crazy eyes in the club Kristen was talking to Stassi were priceless. Wish I knew how to make a gif of it.

 

Think Miss Golden Nugget Arinana is more mean girl than she wants people to think.

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fliptopbox

fliptopbox

Hey, wtf was Ariana talkin' bout a peeing cat? What the hell?

Arianna was using the analogy that dealing with Kristen is like letting a cat out of a cage....and if you try to stuff it back in it doesn't wanna cooperate and gets all cray cray and wild. I mean, if you've ever had to take a cat to the vet who hates the carrier you understand.

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walnutqueen

walnutqueen

So what is really goin' on with Max? Is he workin' as a busboy? Seems like Lisa is supporting him -- but begrudgingly. Did she treat Pandie that way? Me thinks not.

 

I seem to recall Pandy & Stassi became friends while waitressing together, so maybe Lisa did make Pandy work when not in school.  My memory on this is a little fuzzy ... too many ho'wives, too few brain cells.  :-)

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Lola16

Lola16

I seem to recall Pandy & Stassi became friends while waitressing together, so maybe Lisa did make Pandy work when not in school.  My memory on this is a little fuzzy ... too many ho'wives, too few brain cells.  :-)

Pandora and Jason (her then BF) both worked at Villa Blanca.  Now of course, they shill VP Sangria.

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JenE4

JenE4

(edited)

Schwartz is just in the wrong profession as a bartender (when not macting). This guy definitely has a calling running a novelty t-shirt shop in which you press on the decals. I mean, he must be single-handedly keeping whatever novelty t-shirt shop he frequents in business what with the Jax nose shirts for the boyz' eyebrow grooming excursion and the "I got Jaxed and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" shirt that he got Jax for his birthday last year.

Get a kiosk at the mall, Schwartz! I can totally picture it. You don't have any inside jokes with your friends? Just tell Schwartz a little bit about your friend, pull up their Instagram or social media of choice and--BAM!--Schwartz gives you a hilarious inside joke with supporting t-shirt!

Of course, since he can't run the ordering system/register, that might be a problem...

Schwartz: That will be $25.

Customer: [hands him a $20 and a $10]

Schwartz: [blank stare; blinks twice; looks befuddled; starts counting on fingers; heart racing; sweaty; dizzy]

Let's just call it $20, dude!

[Hands the customer back his $10 along with his t-shirt]

Or maybe Tequila Katie can run the register.

Edited by JenE4
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Shelby

Shelby

Schwartz is just in the wrong profession as a bartender (when not macting). This guy definitely has a calling running a novelty t-shirt shop in which you press on the decals. I mean, he must be single-handedly keeping whatever novelty t-shirt shop he frequents in business what with the Jax nose shirts for the boyz' eyebrow grooming excursion and the "I got Jaxed and all I got was this lousy t-shirt" shirt that he got Jax for his birthday last year.

Get a kiosk at the mall, Schwartz! I can totally picture it. You don't have any inside jokes with your friends? Just tell Schwartz a little bit about your friend, pull up their Instagram or social media of choice and--BAM!--Schwartz gives you a hilarious inside joke with supporting t-shirt!

Of course, since he can't run the ordering system/register, that might be a problem...

Schwartz: That will be $25.

Customer: [hands him a $20 and a $10]

Schwartz: [blank stare; blinks twice; looks befuddled; starts counting on fingers; heart racing; sweaty; dizzy]

Let's just call it $20, dude!

[Hands the customer back his $10 along with his t-shirt]

Or maybe Tequila Katie can run the register.

I don't remember who said it, but this brings to mind the "consult the mactor mactician" comment, which in the context it was said, is the most hilarious thing I have read on the VR forums.

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OnceSane

OnceSane

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I don't remember who said it, but this brings to mind the "consult the mactor mactician" comment, which in the context it was said, is the most hilarious thing I have read on the VR forums.

I think that was me. So thank you! And if it wasn't…ehh. A lot of love for the line anyway. :)

I'd love to see Schwartz start a t-shirt business, kiosk or online. I'd love it more if it was extremely successful and mentions it constantly to Stassi.

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Ubiquitous

Ubiquitous

I just found it amusing Muppet has been begging so hard for his job back....as a bus boy. Talk about bottom of the food chain in a restaurant. He can't even graduate to server? Or is that chicks only at SUR? Anyway, I find it hard to believe that as a SUR busser that he makes more than what may be necessary to pay his car payment and insurance. I'm betting Cigarette Sally pays for everything else.

I find it hard to believe she can support the two of them on a waitress's salary (plus theoretical tips).

 

I have friends here in New Orleans that knew her back in high school and swear she was a social reject drama/goth nerd.  But, she obviously comes from money, as she attended a high school that costs upwards of 20k a year.  I'm sure her long term goals were always to be taken care of monetarily by her parents, followed by whomever she eventually marries. 

 

Max.  Poor Max.  Poor Poor Max.  How hard it must be to get the brakes on your Mercedes fixed and ride around on a skateboard.  What a disgrace.  Shave your mustache dude.  No one thinks that's cool.

 

Stassi being unpopular in high school and making up for lost time sounds plausible to me.

 

What was the deal with Max Vanderbucks? I have a vague recollection of him from a previous season of this show or RHoBH getting into some sort of trouble...

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Diane Mars

Diane Mars

(edited)

Hey, people, not to bother, but as much as I love reading some nicknames in their context, it starts being really hard/annoying to follow the conversations and only understanding 6 or 7 posts later who you were talking about... is not so much fun.

Edited by Diane Mars
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ghoulina

ghoulina

These people still do the draw-things-on-the-face-of-whoever-passes-out-first thing? How old are the losers, again?

 

I'm beginning to wonder if they just ALL happened to suffer some life-altering trauma when they were teenagers, thus stunting their emotional growth. Because I cannot figure out for the life of me how there are that many people hovering around the age of 30 who do not in any way, shape, or form have their shit together.

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BogoGog24

BogoGog24

Well, also remember it's just a TV show. I don't doubt they're a lot like this in real life but perhaps they amp up the drama for the cameras. 

 

The producers have been known in the Real Housewives world to create drama between cast members, such as spreading rumors that one cast member was talking about another, or telling different people different times to show up for meetings so that one cast member will be angry the other is "late," etc. They'll be asked to re-create scenes and react in certain ways. 

 

There are definitely people like them that just never seem to want to grow up, they are just extra obnoxious about it and on TV. And perhaps some of it might be scripted or exaggerated. Many people noted the "fight" between Tom and Kristen over the DVR seemed like they were acting. 

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ScoobieDoobs

ScoobieDoobs

Hey, people, not to bother, but as much as I love reading some nicknames in their context, it starts being really hard/annoying to follow the conversations and only understanding 6 or 7 posts later who you were talking about... is not so much fun.

 

 

I can help with dat.  Schemer is Scheana, FI is Flat Iron Tom, who is Tom Sandoval, who was with Kristen & now is supposedly with Arianna, & Muppet is James da busboy, who is supposedly Kristen's 22 year old boyfriend.  Tequila Katie?  Well, that one's pretty obvi, and besides Scheana came up with it first -- not any of us.

 

Anyhoo, dat's all the nicknames there are to follow here.  Now you're good to go.  Please bear with a few fun nicknames.  Otherwise it gets to the Nazi territory TWoP was with that horrible lunatic Howard woman.

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HunterHunted

HunterHunted

Anyone catch the closeup of FI's phone?  It looked completely smashed up.  Wtf??

He was too cool to put it in a case and now too broke to fix it.

I do not understand the appeal of Vanderpump vodka? Housewife wines? Yes. Housewife premixed drinks? Yes. But straight up plain vodka with a housewife's name slapped on it is mystifying to me. Why would I pay a premium for Lisa's when I can get Tito's or Smirnoff or Belvedere?

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Jennifersdc

Jennifersdc

All these people are pretty terrible. I don't know.. The only one who might feel bad for is the Peter guy because it seems like he's the only one who does his job.

You shouldn't feel bad about any of them. Maybe the best show ever in that regard.

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ScoobieDoobs

ScoobieDoobs

When I went to SUR a few years ago, Peter was the only one I saw from the show & he looked very busy running around, so he clearly does do work there. But he seems like a weasel to me. He reminds me of the spy ya better be very careful around. I don't care for him.

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Jennifersdc

Jennifersdc

Is this the first time naming Peter a Weasel has come up? Good call! Even if not up to the caliber of FI or Schmacting. But unfortunately he has the looks for it. Like my mother's little yappy dog (who I love). Mr. DC rightly came up with Weasel to describe the dog, I'm going to have him take a closer look at Peter.

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goofygirl

goofygirl

I used to like Peter but now he seems too far up stASSi's ass. Notice how he's always around her dumb ass?? Sort of like he's the male Christina. What does she bring to the show again? Too dark lipstick perhaps?

And stASSi's new grown up apartment: way to show you're all grown up by moving broken handled cups 3,000 miles . What a dipshit!

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Ubiquitous

Ubiquitous

When I went to SUR a few years ago, Peter was the only one I saw from the show & he looked very busy running around, so he clearly does do work there. But he seems like a weasel to me. He reminds me of the spy ya better be very careful around. I don't care for him.

I find it interesting how Peter seemed like the one decent person working there but once he got significant camera time, it was only b/c we didn't see him much and everyone else was so much worse. He does seem like a snitch, tho, but I don't have a big problem with it being about Kristen excessively sneaking drinks in the back alley and DJ Muppet Busboy stealing pitures of santa gria.

Speaking of DJ Muppet Busboy, is being a DJ all that big a deal, especislly since every mactor and mactorician does dit on the side? I recall Kathy Griffin mocked it in one of her concerts they aired on Bravo..

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methodwriter85

methodwriter85

(edited)

Schwartz needs to come out of the closet already. Katie needs to move on. 

 

As for Jax I believe the doctor gave him generic Vicodan but they are too stoopid to realize it.

 

     I'm pretty much new to this show but I'm watching season 3 ONDemand, and wow. My GayDar absolutely hurts whenever Tom Schwartz shows up on screen because it's pinging so hard. Even Metrosexual, weird-botoxy facey Tom Sandoval doesn't set it off the way Schwartz does.

 

     Poor Man's Nico Tortorella doesn't seem all that straight, either. He feels like the gay twink that Kristen has decided to be besties with.

 

    Jax recovering from surgery and Sandoval making the comment about how he really can't see the difference in Tom's new nose were my favorite parts of this episode. Because it's really, really true.

Edited by methodwriter85
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Ubiquitous

Ubiquitous

As I watched the Toms and Jax palling around like buffoons at the threading place a thought occurred to me...I can almost see this show as being kind of like a "Laguna Beach: Where are they Now?" series. Like the same cast ten years later, with their parents cutting them off several years ago and having no education or ambitions, just decided to all work as busboys and servers at the same trendy restaurant and never grow up.

Speaking of which, I noticed that the name tag thingies that appear on screen are the style used on The Hills.
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