S03.E04: Jax Nose Best

[OnceSane]

Stassi, Scheana, and Kristen face-off at a party, while Jax gets a nose job--and learns who really cares about him.

[Persnickety1]

Okay, there was a First Look of the next episode tacked onto the RHOBH First Look.

 

Anybody catch it?

 

Holy slackass...Schwartz has a fucking panic attack 25 minutes into his shift and WALKS.  OFF.  OF.  THE.  JOB.

 

No shit.  Hilarity did not ensue.  Even Tequila Kate sat on the bed looking aghast and told him, "Even Jax can do that job."

 

Yes, Tequila Kate, indeed he can.  The bar is set pretty damned low when Jax is used as a comparative measure of competence.  

 

Oy, this episode is going to be utter and complete snark overload.

 

Dammit, I'm almost wishing the weekend would fly by so I can see the episode in its entirety on Monday night.

 

There's also a very chuckle-worthy scene of FI Tom, Schwartz, and Jax going to get their eyebrows done.

 

Okay, now hurry up, Monday.  This show fills the snark void in my black little heart like no other.  

[Box305]

They just showed the first look again (along with one for RHOBH) and yes, this episode will definitely provide us with a lot of snark. It shall be a fun time. 

[fliptopbox]

Ugh I see what Scheana means about the Stassi cult. Do not get it, and it kind of reminds me of Village of the Damned, except they're not all blondes. Stassi is still continuing the poltician-wife wardrobe and still no sign of the elusive Patrick.

 

Of course Muppet got his job back.

 

Kinda made me laugh both Jax and Schwartz were unable to figure out which bottle housed the Vicodin. Unless the doc really did forget it, though I doubt that. But if so, that is kind of a dickish move, cos nasal/sinus surgery fucking hurts.

 

Lance Bass looks weird now. Almost mannequin-esque. Is that how they do in LA? It's somewhat creepy.

[Ubiquitous]

Oh my gosh, that WAS Lance Bass?

And because zomeone has to say it, Tom S is a big pussy!

[BogoGog24]

Jax absentmindedly eating doughnuts with a plastic penis on his chest is one of the funniest things I've ever watched.

[portfino]

At this point, I just find Stassi wearying. "When I ran Sur," laughing about plastic surgery when she looks like a different person from TAR, worried about people's drive when she watches Food Network all day. No one cares about your pompous nonsense and fake boyfriend.

 

Schwartz clearly has no work ethic. Although I question the "reality" of that scene. The manager who told Lisa he quit doesn't have the best poker face.

[MitaJo]

I cracked up with Schwartz said that he hadn't had a panic attack since he ate a half a pan of brownies in college!!! I do that all the time! Should I be freaking out? I mean, I guess it's good that he doesn't have any other major worries in his life.

[goddessintraining]

I cracked up with Schwartz said that he hadn't had a panic attack since he ate a half a pan of brownies in college!!! I do that all the time! Should I be freaking out? I mean, I guess it's good that he doesn't have any other major worries in his life.

 

When Swartz said that I thought, "amateur". Lol!

 

Stassi's arrogance is a bit over the top. And her clothes...

 

There was so much snark worthy content tonight, as a poster above predicted! I'm sure I'll be back to comment after I rewatch the episode.  Oh yeah, do people actually send "emergency" texts to Plastic Surgeons or just Schwartz (for Jax's drugs)?

[Chrissytd]

Is Patrick friends with Kenya's African prince? I see Stassi continues to embrace her inner soccer mom.

Edited November 25, 2014 by Chrissytd

[lunastartron]

So Stassi's boyfriend is "George Glass"?

 

Even though she's not a billed member of the cast, the most disgusting (and that's saying a lot) regular on this series is the SUR waitress who's up Miss Schroeder's ass even harder than Katie. The one who is kind of limp like Kristen and unsubtly struggles to elbow her way to relevance by hissing at the suitors who have done her mistress ill.

 

I call bullshit on the implication that Tom S has been supporting himself with modeling jobs. I wouldn't be surprised if, like Stassi, he receives substantial financial assistance from his parents (maybe that explains why he gets along so well with her) or Katie is picking up the tab for the majority of their bills (she did allude to his desire for "financial independence," not financial security, and if she's helping to bolster him, it would clarify the aesthetic disparity between the two of them). Even if he's working the odd catering gig, going out constantly in a major city is not cheap, particularly if you're a man.

 

I initially though Peter was relatably short-fused simply because he has the unenviable task of managing these idiots, but I realized he's just a dick. I liked how he sneered at Kristen the second episode that no one else snuck alcohol at the restaurant and then he read James the riot act last week for "stealing pitchers" of sangria. (If you were going to try to numb yourself to your coworkers and Lisa through liquor, why would you waste your time with diluted wine?)

[Maharincess]

I agree that Schwartz is a pussy. He couldn't even handle an hour at a real job.

I think he mistook lazy and overwhelmed for a panic attack.

[ScoobieDoobs]

Well, Stassi's boyfriend does exist. No, he's not George Glass. But it seems like it, eh? His name is Patrick Meagher & there are tons of pics of them together on her Twitter. So will he show up? I'm hoping.
 

So is Schwartz a pussy for knowing he couldn't do that job & giving up quick?  Maybe Katie was the one who pushed him into going for the job even tho he knew he wasn't a fit for it.  And maybe he wanted to go for it too, considering it would give him more camera -- which he seems to be getting anyway.  At least for now.  

 

Hmmm, maybe he is a pussy for not putting up with a crap job he hates, as most of us do at one time or another, hoping it might lead to a better opportunity.  We know it's not the actual crap bartending job at Pump which could lead to better ops for him -- it's the expanded camera time.  Wouldn't that motivate him to even attempt to do the bartending job?  Guess not.  Is Schwartz turning into Slade or is he already there?

 

Sheesh, his work ethic stinks.  Does he have one at all?  Is he making that much as a model? Looks like he's had a few gigs but nothing major -- no huge campaigns & nothing with commercials -- where the potential big bucks are. Tequila Katie is really gonna marry this fuckin' lazy ass slug?  Man, this show is inhabited by an ocean of losers, ain't it?  Sigh, wouldn't have it any other way.

Edited November 25, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[Locutus]

I'd really be curious to see what actual modeling jobs the two toms get. It's probably sex phone ads and hotel brochures.

[ScoobieDoobs]

Well, not anything he admits to-

 

http://www.lacasting.com/twschwa

 

http://www.notiesmanagement.com/models/men/main/tom-schwartz/605/

 

But that's just Schwartz.  I thought FI's only actual modeling gigs were related to the show.

 

Da Muppet is back.  Anyone surprised?

 

So Stassi's logic is it's OK for a woman to get plastic surgery, but not a man?  Um, what about at least 75% of the actors in Hollywood (who knows -- maybe it's eventually 100% of 'em) who've had some type of work done?  Both Patrick Dempsey & David Schwimmer had half their noses chopped off.  They both look pretty good & aren't woman-ish, as Stass implies any guy who has plastic surgery would be.  Ugh, Stass, so not diggin' ya this season.  Forcing me to defend Ape-face?  Blech.

 

Did I miss something.  Stassi "ran" SUR?  Er, what in the fuckety fuck?

 

Oh FI, we believe ya just roll outta bed lookin' like dat.  Sure FI, sure.  After you've spent 6 hours plucking, tweezing, flat ironing, forehead shaving and  . . . well, I must be leaving plenty out we don't know about.  We really do need to know your daily grooming routine, FI.

 

Explanation please -- Schemer & Kristen have matching tats?  Er, huh?  Anyone know?  Please -- must know the answer to this.

Edited November 25, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[Ubiquitous]

Jax absentmindedly eating doughnuts with a plastic penis on his chest is one of the funniest things I've ever watched.

And with a nose bleed they assumed was jelly donut filling.

I cracked up with Schwartz said that he hadn't had a panic attack since he ate a half a pan of brownies in college!!! I do that all the time! Should I be freaking out? I mean, I guess it's good that he doesn't have any other major worries in his life.

I assumed they were "dutch brownies", if u get my drift...

Hmm, I wonder if he's that guy who called 9-1-1 ...

[DollyMamaB]

Kristen is psycho.  This girl has some serious "letting go" issues.  Katie is so desperate to be liked by Stassi and to be accepted, she basically whores herself out to the girl.  Stassi is just mean, entitled and an all out bitch.

 

Jax is just proof that guys cannot handle pain.  You got a nose job dude.  Try having babies with no drugs, then we'll talk.  Sissy.

 

Who walks out on a job, THE FIRST NIGHT?  Katie needs to dump that guy.

 

Is there no where else for these kids to hang out, that they just "happen" to end up at the same bar? 

 

Stassi needs to go back to NY.  That girl is a bitch of epic proportions.

[BogoGog24]

I don't know if we'll ever see Patrick on camera. As much as I have heard he's a douche, he does have a career and I can see him not wanting to appear on this show for sake of credibility.

[ghoulina]

Wow, FI Tom is super high maintenance about his brows. He gave that poor lady more instructions than I do when I'm leaving my kids for the weekend. 

 

And then we have Schwartz with his "panic attack". What the fuck dude? I'm sure it can get super hectic bartending, but you can't just walk off the job! I mean, if he was legitimately having a panic attack, he could have gone to the bathroom for a few minutes. But he just ran home? Said nothing? Never came back? That's so ridiculous. What about the guys he was working with? Now they're short another set of hands....although, he probably wasn't doing much good. I was glad to see Katie call him out on this one. He may be a nice, fun guy to hang around with, but he isn't life partner material. He is lazy, immature, irresponsible, and spoiled. 

 

Yet somehow he managed to take care of Jax post-surgery? Jax was awful! He was the biggest baby I have ever seen. How Schwartz put up with THAT without having a panic attack is beyond me. Maybe he's found his calling - he could be a personal assistant to old, rich men who like younger boys. 

 

When the doctor told Jax no sex after surgery I got an idea - let's start a kickstarter campaign to get Jax under the knife every week or so. Then he will basically have to keep his dick from spreading itself around on a permanent basis. 

 

The whole club scene was so high school I just really have no words. Stare downs, table swapping, dares, passive aggressive digs.....just so beyond juvenile. 

 

Oh, and I really want to know who paid Stassi to go into SUR demanding goat cheese balls and acting like their food is just so craveable???

[ghoulina]

I cracked up with Schwartz said that he hadn't had a panic attack since he ate a half a pan of brownies in college!!! I do that all the time! Should I be freaking out? I mean, I guess it's good that he doesn't have any other major worries in his life.

 

I figured he was saying they were pot brownies and he had a bad reaction?

 

Did I miss something.  Stassi "ran" SUR?  Er, what in the fuckety fuck?

 

Yes, I would really like to know when she ran SUR? In between calling in sick for bullshit reasons, leaving early because her ex showed up, switching shifts to go on her gigantic birthday weekend to Mexico, sneaking out back to have drinks and gossip with the girls....when the hell did she have time to take an order let alone RUN that place????

[chlban]

Way too much Jax in this episode. I kept flipping chanels when he was on. I really can't stand him. Stassi, who was once bitchy enough to be entertaining, is now just a bitch and not the least bit enertaining. She needs to go. And really, what is with the wardrobe? Is she chaneling Joan, the bitch fron "Mad Men"?  I am in a conservative business and dress conservatively and am also much older than Stassi, but my wardrobe is stylish compared to hers.  

 

Oh and Stassi, you don't have a job, you aren't getting an education and you have had plastic surgery yourself. You might want to consider all that when you are ragging on the others.

 

However, since I am gainfully employed, I can say Schwartz is a lazy loser. He and Katie have about as much chemistry as the other Tom and whats her name the new love of his live. Which is zero.  Schwartz and Jax though, there is some chemistry.  It's OK to be gay gentlemen. We already know and really don't care, however I always feel bad for women caught in this situation. It happened to a good friend of mine, years ago. She actually married him and only found out when she came home from work early one day. It was awful for everyone and I don't think she ever really got over it. Katie is pretty awful but she doesn't deserve that. 

 

The other Tom's chick, I can't be bothered to remember he name, is showing herself to be a bitch the last two episodes. Honey, you are not as secure as you want everyone to believe you are or you wouldn't need to keep throwing shade at Kristen. Kristen is nuts enough that she doesn't need any assistance from  you to be pointing it out. Take the high road sweeteie, because it's all a moot point anyway. He's gay too.

 

Speaking of crazy Kristen, I want more "Fatal Attraction" and a whole lot less Jax.

[HunterHunted]

Schwartz is such a disappointment. After two years as of seeing him as the relative voice of reason, it's disappointing to find out that he's a lazy dope. I will cut him a little slack because if his past experience was as an occasional caterwaiter, then he was wholely unprepared for actual work in an actual restaurant. He could have articulated that any time before his shift to his manager.

When Stassi went over to the other table, tequila Katie yelled "be classy like Carrie Bradshaw." This explains so much about these chicks.

[Maire]

What I learned tonight is that if I need some quick cash I can go the "office" in the alley behind Sur and nab their tips.

[psychoticstate]

So this episode is called "Jax"?  Real original, VP!

 

Okay, Scheana wins for life with the comment about StASSi not having a job because she's too busy being a cult leader.  That was made of complete awesomeness.  I may have heard Baby Jesus cry over that one.  But really, what is StASSi's point this season if she's not working at SUR or Pump?  She's become the equivalent of "friend of."  Boring.  And yes, StASSi, you "ran" Sur - - if running = gossiping, complaining and then running out back for a break and a glass of wine every 15 minutes.  No wonder she doesn't have a job now.

 

Schwartzie has wrecked me.  Although I suppose if you have a panic attack over eating half a pan of brownies, how on earth are you going to make it for an hour at an actual wage-earning job?  When he went to see Lisa, I swear I thought he was going to beg for his job back a la Muppet Busboy.  But no, he turned his (dirty) pink shirts in.  WTF?  I think @ghoulina called it - - Schwartzie needs to provide at-home care for people.  Clearly he can do that without issues.  Just don't leave brownies around.

 

Jax needs to be under the influence of heavy medications during every episode.  He was actually tolerable.  And how does he afford such a relatively decent apartment?  Sugar daddy? 

 

So Flat Iron got a fist bump from Kristen?  WTF?  Seriously?  Are they going to sign a friend contract now? (TM Cynthia)  He looked completely uncomfortable, Ariana looked like she might cut a bitch and Kristen looked demented.  Do none of these people get the best way to move on and forward is not to associate with each other?  And on a daily basis?  They work together (well, except for when they are fired and/or on suspension) and then socialize in all the same places?  What could go wrong here?

[Vivigirl10]

Drugged Jax caressing the nurses face while saying "I love you" probably looks exactly like any random Saturday night in the dudes life. 

 

I love to look at the backgrounds of these losers apartments during their scenes.  Katie and Tom have plastic hearts strung around their head board and closet doors that won't close.  Interesting. 

[helloagain]

Jax absentmindedly eating doughnuts with a plastic penis on his chest is one of the funniest things I've ever watched.

 

 

And with a nose bleed they assumed was jelly donut filling.

I assumed they were "dutch brownies", if u get my drift...

 

 

I figured he was saying they were pot brownies and he had a bad reaction?

 

 

When Stassi went over to the other table, tequila Katie yelled "be classy like Carrie Bradshaw." This explains so much about these chicks.

 

All of these!

 

I assumed Schwartz meant pot brownies too.

 

Kristin looked wild-eyed and crazy the entire time she was at the club, and sitting at the whatever table Tom & Ariana were sitting at too.

 

I just...cannot stand James.

 

I thought it was hilarious when Lisa showed up to Jax's apt, and he's like, I have stolen candles, maybe some Vodka, whatever else from SUR.  I was dying.

 

I am glad that Schwartz went to apologize in person and turn in his shirts, and NOT beg for that job back.

 

Lance Bass does not look like Lance Bass anymore.

[jaync]

FWIW, the title listed on my guide was "Jax Nose Best". 

 

This episode was full of gold. Every scene had me laughing.

 

Okay, Scheana wins for life with the comment about StASSi not having a job because she's too busy being a cult leader.

Scheana does deliver some gems. She should title her next song "I May Have Hit Re-Tweet".

 

Has Peter's ass always been that beefy and tight?

[fliptopbox]

I finally bothered with looking up Schwartz's True Blood experience, it was listed as "Faerie- She's Not There (2011) ... Faerie (uncredited)" So now I'm going to watch season 4 episode 1 and play spot the Schwartz.

 

At this point I fail to see the real reason for Stassi's return. Her not working for Lisa makes her segments rather lame, considering all her snarking info is coming secondhand. It's boring to watch her talk shit about people she claims that she doesn't even want to be around. Also, Kristina needs to just stop. She's so thirsty for Stassi it is pathetic. It's almost like Kristen's fatal attraction to Ariana, except Stassi likes her hangers-on and the weird, creepy attention. 

 

Yeah I am pretty sure that was not jelly flowing from Jax's nose. Guessing it was nothing serious since by the end of the episode he was more back to his old self. But it could have been something very not good. I say that more as a medical professional than someone worried about Jax and his welfare, haha. Also, out of all the plastic surgeons in LA you'd think we'd have heard of this one. Or they'd have tried to pull some RHoBH crossover, with either Dr. Dubrow or Dr. Nassif....I know one of them is a renowned "nose guy", I just forget which. I want to say Nassif..

 

Also, way to go Scheana, taking the high road with Stassi. You can tell Stassi really wants to start some nasty catfight and no one is taking the bait. Way to stay classy!

[Persnickety1]

Wow, FI Tom is super high maintenance about his brows. He gave that poor lady more instructions than I do when I'm leaving my kids for the weekend. 

 

And then we have Schwartz with his "panic attack". What the fuck dude? I'm sure it can get super hectic bartending, but you can't just walk off the job! I mean, if he was legitimately having a panic attack, he could have gone to the bathroom for a few minutes. But he just ran home? Said nothing? Never came back? That's so ridiculous. What about the guys he was working with? Now they're short another set of hands....although, he probably wasn't doing much good. I was glad to see Katie call him out on this one. He may be a nice, fun guy to hang around with, but he isn't life partner material. He is lazy, immature, irresponsible, and spoiled. 

 

Yet somehow he managed to take care of Jax post-surgery? Jax was awful! He was the biggest baby I have ever seen. How Schwartz put up with THAT without having a panic attack is beyond me. Maybe he's found his calling - he could be a personal assistant to old, rich men who like younger boys. 

 

When the doctor told Jax no sex after surgery I got an idea - let's start a kickstarter campaign to get Jax under the knife every week or so. Then he will basically have to keep his dick from spreading itself around on a permanent basis. 

 

The whole club scene was so high school I just really have no words. Stare downs, table swapping, dares, passive aggressive digs.....just so beyond juvenile. 

 

Oh, and I really want to know who paid Stassi to go into SUR demanding goat cheese balls and acting like their food is just so craveable???

 

A round of slow clapping for Katie on this one.

 

I loved it when she said even JAX could do that job.  Since Jax himself has admitted he pretty much sucks as a bartender, that should have been a pretty low blow to Schwartz but nope, went right over his head.

 

Also loved it when Katie informed him she has had panic attacks at work, too...But she works through them.

 

Do us all a favor, Schwartz.  The next time you have a panic attack on a job, just shove your head into a brown paper bag and breathe.  

 

And search around to find your balls and your spine while you're at it.

 

I must be on a roll of Schwartz snark today.  WTF is up with his elocution?  I think he may be one of the few men I've heard have that dreaded Valley girl "vocal fry."  Maybe he's had it all along but the Bravo editors spared us from too much Schwartz-speak in previous seasons, but dear goddess.  Between the vacuous look in his eyes and that vocal fry, I'm really starting to cringe whenever he's on my screen.

 

Seriously, Katie, you want to marry this particular slackass?  A dude who walks out on what is his first job in 4 years (6-7 years according to Katie's talking head) and makes better goo-goo eyes at Jax and FI Tom than at you, his girlfriend?  It's reached the point where I think, if I were forced to choose, I'd rather have a deep and meaningful conversation with Jax than with Schwartz.

 

Better hope he doesn't have a panic attack on the wedding day, too.  He'd bolt from the premises and take to his bed.

 

Maybe Schwartz should become besties with Tori and Dean.  They're always taking to their bed when the going gets the least bit tough.  

 

And the doctor forgetting to prescribe Jax his Vicodin for postoperative pain?  I laughed and laughed.

 

Postoperative Jax + Xanax + Vicodin = Reality gold.

 

Have another donut, Jax.  And shove one down Schwartz's throat while you're at it so he shuts the fuck up.  

Edited November 25, 2014 by Persnickety1

[fliptopbox]

I get the anxiety thing, I really do. I have been known to have panic attacks so bad that I don't even realize where I am anymore, which can be especially bad when driving. I take meds for this now, and it hasn't happened that bad in years...but sheesh. And this is coming from someone who's pretty much always a little on edge. He didn't even make it 30mins in a bartending gig. My last work related panic attack involved stuff I wasn't technically trained to do, but we were shorthanded and docs were flipping out so it had to happen. I lived.

 

Also, the only kind of brownies that should be giving anyone panic attacks are the special variety. Which again, I get. Consumables and me never mixed very well either.

Edited November 25, 2014 by fliptopbox

[Shelby]

Loved Schwartz handing Lisa his dirty, crumpled shirts from his scummy backpack.

Everything Jax did after he woke up from surgery rang false to me. The caressing of the nurse's face, the "I love you." I don't believe any of it. I think he was pretending/acting like he was really drugged, but he knew what was going on. Jax, you don't have to try to be funny. Your pathetic, loser life is funny enough.

I'm over Stassi and want her gone from my screen. Her hair and clothes are boring, even for a middle aged woman (which is the look she appears to be going for). She doesn't work at SUR. I don't care to see her drop by every episode for drinks and food. She adds nothing to the show and takes time away from the dysfunctional interactions of the rest of the staff. She can go anytime, and take kiss ass Kristina with her.

Katie has no future with a guy like Schwartz, unless she wants to continue girlfriend status and probably continue to squander her money on him.

What was up with grimy pimp James saying his parents were friends with Lisa over & over? Didn't Lisa make it clear he only met his mother once? And if Dear Mummy got the idea for him to work there, why was he begging and groveling for his job back like the Queen's life depended on it? Go back to England and get a waiter job serving up bangers and mash or whatever.

I laughed so hard at Schwartz saying their lives were all a 10 out of 10, or whatever he said. None of them are in the career they really want, they are waiters/servers, they are pushing 30, and they have crummy apartments. I'd give their lives a 4/10 tops, one of those points being soley for the fact they live in sunny SoCal, and get to avoid winter!

These people are such a mess.

Edited November 25, 2014 by Shelby

[Teddybear]

Re: Stassi's wardrobe:  Since she's admittedly gained some "love pounds," she probably just doesn't know how to dress for a little extra weight.  Unfortunately now she's dressing like Bea Arthur.  Not sexy.  I thought her snark was kind of funny last year.  This year she just seems kind of pathetic.  

 

I thought I was taking crazy pills when I've never noticed the little "Vander" above PUMP that I've seen in these episodes.  I live in the neighborhood and pass it all the time.  So I'm here to report back that they've since taken the "Vander" down since filming.  Someone must have told her it was cheesy (and it was).   

[FozzyBear]

I will never stop being amused at how seriously Bravolebrities take being visited during an illness or (elective) surgery. You can lie, cheat, and steal, but neglect to pay a call after a nose job? Oh hell no! You will be taken down.

[OnceSane]

A round of slow clapping for Katie on this one.

 

I loved it when she said even JAX could do that job.  Since Jax himself has admitted he pretty much sucks as a bartender, that should have been a pretty low blow to Schwartz but nope, went right over his head.

 

Also loved it when Katie informed him she has had panic attacks at work, too...But she works through them.

 

Do us all a favor, Schwartz.  The next time you have a panic attack on a job, just shove your head into a brown paper bag and breathe.  

 

And search around to find your balls and your spine while you're at it.

 

I must be on a roll of Schwartz snark today.  WTF is up with his elocution?  I think he may be one of the few men I've heard have that dreaded Valley girl "vocal fry."  Maybe he's had it all along but the Bravo editors spared us from too much Schwartz-speak in previous seasons, but dear goddess.  Between the vacuous look in his eyes and that vocal fry, I'm really starting to cringe whenever he's on my screen.

 

Seriously, Katie, you want to marry this particular slackass?  A dude who walks out on what is his first job in 4 years (6-7 years according to Katie's talking head) and makes better goo-goo eyes at Jax and FI Tom than at you, his girlfriend?  It's reached the point where I think, if I were forced to choose, I'd rather have a deep and meaningful conversation with Jax than with Schwartz.

 

Better hope he doesn't have a panic attack on the wedding day, too.  He'd bolt from the premises and take to his bed.

 

Maybe Schwartz should become besties with Tori and Dean.  They're always taking to their bed when the going gets the least bit tough.  

 

And the doctor forgetting to prescribe Jax his Vicodin for postoperative pain?  I laughed and laughed.

 

Postoperative Jax + Xanax + Vicodin = Reality gold.

 

Have another donut, Jax.  And shove one down Schwartz's throat while you're at it so he shuts the fuck up.

*DEAD*

When this series started, I never thought I'd say the following: Scheana is my queen! She is nailing her role.

Schwartz…everyone has covered him. But Jax? What a wuss. Though who mistakes blood for jelly?

Stassi can just get gone. All she has done is proved the show doesn't need her.

[ScoobieDoobs]

Well, even I'm a bit too young to remember Dynasty, but if Lisa's wardrobe consists of everything Joan Collins threw away 30 years ago, then Stassi looks like she inherited Linda Evans' hair & clothes. What in the fuckety fuck is goin' on with her hair & clothes? I'll tell ya, if I was guarding the door at dat club, I woulda turned her away for sure. Sorry hun, no 55 year old suburban moms allowed here. Yup, that's what she looks like.

Who knows? Maybe Patrick Meagher has a fetish for bangin' middle-aged suburban moms & Stass has gotta play that part so she doesn't have to work at SUR. Ah, what ya have to do to avoid having a real job, eh? Stass has to dress like a frump with hair & clothes from 30 years ago & Schwartzie, the big loser, has gotta bang Katie.

Ugh, Schwartzie, you fuckin' loser, ya gave back a dirty shirt? Really? How much effort would it have taken to rinse out the shirt? What a lazy slug. But thanks for the chuckles & giggles, loser.

Edited November 25, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[ScoobieDoobs]

Wait a minute, that did not look like jelly. That looked like a trail of blood coming from Jax's nose. Sorry, but that made me burst out laughing how none of those chucklefucks made even the slightest attempt to wipe away the blood. They knew what it was & none of them wanted to go near his blood. Ah, who could blame 'em really?

Man, I wouldn't want Schwartzie anywhere near me anytime, let alone when I'm in an altered state. Oh Schwarztie, you really are totally useless.

Hey btw, anyone catch Ariana Grande at the AMA? What do ya bet her stylist watches this show? Her look was totally stolen from Schemer's gold lame short shorts. See, we weren't nuts here. Everyone here thought that outfit was awesome.

http://www.laineygossip.com/Ariana-Grande-and-her-brother-at-the-American-Music-Awards/31955

Edited November 26, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[ihartcoffee]

*DEAD*

When this series started, I never thought I'd say the following: Scheana is my queen! She is nailing her role.

Schwartz…everyone has covered him. But Jax? What a wuss. Though who mistakes blood for jelly?

Stassi can just get gone. All she has done is proved the show doesn't need her.

.

I loved when Sheana said she didn't have to kiss Stassi's ass. You go girl!

I can't stand Stassi and don't understand why she is even on the show.

[ScoobieDoobs]

Just curious, anyone else think Schemer looked pretty good without the usual 10 pounds of makeup & ridiculously high maintenance 'do? In that scene where she's shoving the donut at medicated Ape-face, I thought she looked natural & really pretty.

Seriously tho, Ariana can go fuck off. I just can't with her anymore. FI needs to find another beard. I'm sure there's another SUR chick up for more camera time who'd be more than willing. Maybe one of those annoying friends of Staasi's who were mocking Schemer at the club. Oh no, not them. I fuckin' hated them & don't want to see anymore of them. Hey, what about Carmen? Nah, I don't think she'd be up to be FI's beard. Still say he should get back with Cigarette Sally.

Edited November 25, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[ihartcoffee]

All of these!

 

I assumed Schwartz meant pot brownies too.

 

Kristin looked wild-eyed and crazy the entire time she was at the club, and sitting at the whatever table Tom & Ariana were sitting at too.

 

I just...cannot stand James.

 

I thought it was hilarious when Lisa showed up to Jax's apt, and he's like, I have stolen candles, maybe some Vodka, whatever else from SUR.  I was dying.

 

I am glad that Schwartz went to apologize in person and turn in his shirts, and NOT beg for that job back.

 

Lance Bass does not look like Lance Bass anymore.

What is up with Kristen's wild eyes look? She looks homicidal...

Everything with Jax was hilarious this episode IMO. That was pure gold.

[ScoobieDoobs]

So all ya got is your face & body, eh, Ape-face? Oh my, talk bout delusional. What distorted mirrors are ya lookin' in, asswipe? Maybe he was the hot thing in town when he was hustling Vince De Paul 15 years ago. Not anymore. Will the nose job bring back any hotness in him? Suppressing chuckles & giggles. The weird thing is, to me he looks no different. Still looks like a greasy ape.

Um, what was with the plastic penis? And just why did Stass say to her drunk gay daddy (in the last ep) Jax should suck a dick? Stass gonna reveal anything juicy to us? Please, please, hun. Make yourself useful to us, Stass, you lazy shit.

Edited November 25, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[Shelby]

Just curious, anyone else think Schemer looked pretty good without the usual 10 pounds of makeup & ridiculously high maintenance 'do? In that scene where she's shoving the donut at medicated Ape-face, I thought she looked natural & really pretty.

Seriously tho, Ariana can go fuck off. I just can't with her anymore. FI needs to find another beard. I'm sure there's another SUR chick up for more camera time who'd be more than willing. Maybe one of those annoying friends of Staasi's who were mocking Schemer at the club. Oh no, not them. I fuckin' hated them & don't want to see anymore of them. Hey, what about Carmen? Nah, I don't think she'd be up to be FI's beard. Still say he should get back with Cigarette Sally.

My DH didn't recognize Schemer without the makeup and slutty clothes! We both thought she looked much prettier, and much younger without the makeup shoveled onto her face.

Anyone but Arianna (hey! We need a nickname for her!) Please! Ofc Cigarette Sally is first choice, but I'd take anyone sufficiently crazy. Bring back crack addict, bathroom sex, Laura Leigh even.

[psychoticstate]

Anyone but Arianna (hey! We need a nickname for her!)

 

 

I'm cool with calling Arianna The Golden Nugget, since that's where she and FI allegedly did or did not hook up in Vegas.

[ihartcoffee]

Just curious, anyone else think Schemer looked pretty good without the usual 10 pounds of makeup & ridiculously high maintenance 'do? In that scene where she's shoving the donut at medicated Ape-face, I thought she looked natural & really pretty.

I noticed and felt she looked much better.

[ghoulina]

Ugh, Schwartzie, you fuckin' loser, ya gave back a dirty shirt? Really? How much effort would it have taken to rinse out the shirt? What a lazy slug. But thanks for the chuckles & giggles, loser.

 

That part just made me laugh so hard, because not only did he not realize until RIGHT then that he should have washed the shirt before returning it, he also had no shame in admitting it! Hell, Tequila Katie was probably at work, and I'm betting she does all his laundry anyhow.

 

Just curious, anyone else think Schemer looked pretty good without the usual 10 pounds of makeup & ridiculously high maintenance 'do? In that scene where she's shoving the donut at medicated Ape-face, I thought she looked natural & really pretty.

 

I seem to remember when they went away for Stassi's birthday there was a scene where Scheana was looking real low key and I thought she looked a lot prettier that way as well. 

 

Bring back crack addict, bathroom sex, Laura Leigh even.

 

From your lips to God's girls. That girl MADE this show.

 

I'm cool with calling Arianna The Golden Nugget, since that's where she and FI allegedly did or did not hook up in Vegas.

 

I think that's perfect! Especially with her hair color, and the fact she has an IQ rivaling that of a chicken nugget.

[Shelby]

I'm cool with calling Arianna The Golden Nugget, since that's where she and FI allegedly did or did not hook up in Vegas.

I LOVE IT! I just wish it wasn't so cute, she doesn't deserve it!

[ScoobieDoobs]

I like Golden Nugget, but honestly I hope she isn't around long enough that we'll be able use it. Hopefully FI's fist bumping with Cigarette Sally will lead to something more. Please, producers?

[helloagain]

Just curious, anyone else think Schemer looked pretty good without the usual 10 pounds of makeup & ridiculously high maintenance 'do? In that scene where she's shoving the donut at medicated Ape-face, I thought she looked natural & really pretty.

YES! Forgot all about mentioning that. I thought she looked "fresh faced" though I am sure she had some kind of make up on, it just wasn't caked on.

[SunshineOnMe]

YES! Forgot all about mentioning that. I thought she looked "fresh faced" though I am sure she had some kind of make up on, it just wasn't caked on.

She looked so much better without her makeup and mink eyelashes. Speaking of eyelashes, I was really puzzled why FI's girl was putting them on at Jax's house?

[ScoobieDoobs]

Yeah, but Schemer's hair looked really nice too -- just kinda natural & straight, rather than the overdone curls she's usually got goin' on.  Sheesh, she doesn't need to go so nuts with the curling iron.

 

Not sure why they were showin' Ari putting so much effort into applying her makeup, but I did notice when she was finished she didn't look any better.

Edited November 26, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[FozzyBear]

Know what's great about this show? No heroes! Everyone is awful! I can switch who I'm rooting for by the minute. Like Stassi; she's horrible and shallow, but Kristen is horrible and crazy and Scheana is horrible and named Scheana. All dumbasses so I never have to feel bad about mocking anyone for any reason at all.

Anywho. I don't get any appeal from Scheana. I don't think she's cute, plus she has a really annoying voice, plus she's named Scheana.