S17.E19: Sex, Lies & Questionable Behavior

[Alexander Pope]

4 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

I think we are seeing why these people are still unattached at their age.  Many of them are unwilling to bend and compromise.  If you can't do that forget about marriage!  You are not the center of the universe anymore in a relationship.  It's not your way or the highway.  If so, you are not marriage material.  Austin's friend telling him not to go against who he is as a person - Unfortunately Austin will interpret that to mean he should have everything his way or no way.  That is not helping him at all.

The editing made me think that the conversation with his friend was the reason Austin packed up and left!

[Yeah No]

 

15 hours ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Austin, the immature frat boy persona isn’t doing you any favors. You’re too old for that shit. So is your best bud. Grow up. Had to laugh when he told Becca to wash her hands if she wanted to put on his fleece jacket. That’s their relationship in a nutshell. 

OMG him asking her to wash her hands first told the tale, didn't it?  He is repulsed by her.  If he was really into her he wouldn't care.  He'd be so over the moon with her at this stage that she could rub mud into his jacket and he wouldn't even notice!  But what a fussy little priss he is.  He has so many boundaries it's no wonder no one is let into his heart.  We have not heard ANYTHING about his past relationship history and I find that suspect.  What is the real story with him?  I know there is more.

I think Becca is getting bad press because of this guy.  He shuts down and hides everything so people think he's OK and she's the one with the problem because she is actually a real human being with real needs and showing real vulnerability.  Everything in me is suspicious of him more than her.  It's easy to criticize the person that is authentic and buy the kool aid on the one hiding something.  I'm not so easily fooled by that.  Becca is far from perfect but I think there is a lot of stuff under the surface with him that's not too attractive.

And to the opinion that Becca is "pushy" - This guy is showering her with tons of physical affection, snuggling, kissing, hugging in bed.  He even says he wants to do all the things in bed Pastor Cal recommended, then leaves her "high and dry".  And she gets criticized for trying to move things forward with him!  I don't get it, is she supposed to let him maul her, lead her on and just lie there like a dead fish or get called "pushy"?  I don't get it.  AFAIK she hasn't forced him to have intercourse with her so how pushy could she possibly be?

Edited March 1 by Yeah No

[Yeah No]

19 hours ago, After7Only said:

The men have not spent much time speaking negatively about their wives with each other or with their friends.   But all the ladies have criticized their husbands with anyone who would listen.

That's because the men won't allow themselves to be caught on camera letting the world know how they really feel about their wives.  The women are being authentic, transparent and genuine (which doesn't necessarily mean nice) on camera, while I have been suspecting for some time that Brennan, Austin and to some degree Cameron have been meeting off camera to discuss how not to look like the "villains" in their relationships on camera even if it makes their wives look bad.  I think Brennan is the leader and to a greater or lesser degree the other two have taken a page out of his playbook. 

I think Cameron is a little different because I suspect he and Clare made an off-camera agreement that even though they are both not into each other they will act supportive and friendly on camera even as they both intend to say "no" on decision day.  But then Cameron went and broke that deal by claiming that Clare is one way on camera and another off camera - Well, they both are by agreement so why say that unless he's trying to make her look bad? 

Also Cam tells Austin on camera that if Clare says "yes" he will say "yes" on decision day.  But he already knows she's not going to say yes because she told him so off camera and he was OK with it.  So why did he have to say that?  To make her look bad if she says "no"?  Because I refuse to believe that he would say "yes" under any circumstances.  And to be honest I have not seen Clare throw Cameron under the bus in a similar fashion.  She seems to put him up on camera most if not all of the time, making every excuse for his absence, etc.  It's Brennan she was dissing in this episode.

Unbelievable.  I see through these guys like Saran Wrap!  

Edited March 1 by Yeah No
Clarity

[Hip-to-be-Square]

I cannot stand how Becca sits like a wounded animal looking up at Austin- he's not a catch! All the brightness she had inside of her has turned into a weeping, defeated pile of leggings.  He's a wishy washy, baseball cap wearing, dime-a-dozen dating app ass clown with noodle arms and a boring personality.  Emily cried on the bathroom floor of a nice steakhouse over an emotionless guy who genuinely looks like a 2nd grader with his slight build.  Clare is crying over a guy who she constantly frowned at with her botched duck lips.  Chloe is faking romance and probably faking orgasms.  Give me a fucking break 🥴!  This season needs to end. 

Edited March 1 by Hip-to-be-Square

[Syncopation]

So Becca claims she is cold and needs to grab a coat. What does she do? She gets up with her dirty 'clay' hands, and bypasses her jacket and instead grabs Austin's jacket with her dirty clay hands. Then, she gets all 'hurt'  because he says he wished she had washed her hands first? Yeah, what a creep for not wanting his coat to get messed up --- although she bypassed her own coat so her coat wouldn't get messed up. When she finally grabs her own coat, she complains that he should have cared more about her shivering than her dirty hands grabbing his coat. What a selfish, self-centered woman. Maybe she should have cared more about him and grabbed her own coat from the beginning. 

It's all 'her narrative' all of the time ---- even when we can actually see her self-serving actions. Yeah Becca, you were cold and had to immediately grab your coat with your dirty hands --- oh wait, you grabbed his coat because that is what you wanted at that moment --- but sure, feel rejected because he is surprised you chose his coat over your own to grab with your dirty hands.

 

[Hip-to-be-Square]

1 hour ago, Syncopation said:

So Becca claims she is cold and needs to grab a coat. What does she do? She gets up with her dirty 'clay' hands, and bypasses her jacket and instead grabs Austin's jacket with her dirty clay hands. Then, she gets all 'hurt'  because he says he wished she had washed her hands first? Yeah, what a creep for not wanting his coat to get messed up --- although she bypassed her own coat so her coat wouldn't get messed up. When she finally grabs her own coat, she complains that he should have cared more about her shivering than her dirty hands grabbing his coat. What a selfish, self-centered woman. Maybe she should have cared more about him and grabbed her own coat from the beginning. 

It's all 'her narrative' all of the time ---- even when we can actually see her self-serving actions. Yeah Becca, you were cold and had to immediately grab your coat with your dirty hands --- oh wait, you grabbed his coat because that is what you wanted at that moment --- but sure, feel rejected because he is surprised you chose his coat over your own to grab with your dirty hands.

 

When I took ceramics courses in art college, I absolutely hated having clay on my hands and if I got it on my clothes, it would stain them.  I never touched anything until I washed the clay off of my hands and it took about 10 seconds or less to wash the clay off.  She could've just washed her hands or grabbed her coat- why was the whole thing so blown out of proportion? I almost think that she wanted to wear his coat as a way to feel attached to him- even though he's not attached to her 😐.

[kristen111]

19 hours ago, princelina said:

Michael and Chloe - gross blurred action, gross trip to sex shop, and "Dr. Pia" asking if they had "masturbated in front of each other"?  Gross!  (Paging Lindsay! 😄)

That was so gross.  Not even two months and she recommends that of all things?  Throw her off.  I believe a little love is in order first before delving in thst sort of stuff.  Who is writing these scripts lately anyhow?  A horny twenty year old nut job?  Note to Dr. Pia .. Not everyone is into this crap, especially at this point in a marriage where you don’t know a person well enough.  Get rid of her, she’s out of hand.  And her clothes are too loud and tight for a professional.  Dress like a Professional Lady.
 

 

[Empress1]

3 hours ago, Hip-to-be-Square said:

I almost think that she wanted to wear his coat as a way to feel attached to him- even though he's not attached to her 😐.

I thought so, or that she thought it would be cute to wear it. And/or that she hoped HE would think it was cute to wear it. Which he did not.

[seacliffsal]

24 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

I thought so, or that she thought it would be cute to wear it. And/or that she hoped HE would think it was cute to wear it. Which he did not.

I don't have a horse in this race, I don't particularly care for either one of them, but I think she knows what he likes/doesn't like (including having 'clay hands' grab his clothes) and grabbed his coat to set him up.  Now she can be a victim in that he cared more about his coat than that she felt cold.

[Yeah No]

6 hours ago, Hip-to-be-Square said:

I cannot stand how Becca sits like a wounded animal looking up at Austin- he's not a catch! All the brightness she had inside of her has turned into a weeping, defeated pile of leggings.  He's a wishy washy, baseball cap wearing, dime-a-dozen dating app ass clown with noodle arms and a boring personality.  Emily cried on the bathroom floor of a nice steakhouse over an emotionless guy who genuinely looks like a 2nd grader with his slight build.  Clare is crying over a guy who she constantly frowned at with her botched duck lips.  Chloe is faking romance and probably faking orgasms.  Give me a fucking break 🥴!  This season needs to end. 

I hear you.  I wish they wouldn't do that because they should know they are worth more and not care so much.  They devalue themselves by letting it get to them so much that they are reduced to defeated piles of mush.  But at least they're acting like they actually have the ability to care about a person they just married and whether the relationship works out.  Neither Brennan nor Austin are acting like they care about anything or anyone else at this point, including their spouses.  They are acting like they only care about themselves and their image on TV.

[princelina]

1 hour ago, kristen111 said:

That was so gross.  Not even two months and she recommends that of all things?  Throw her off.  I believe a little love is in order first before delving in thst sort of stuff.  Who is writing these scripts lately anyhow?  A horny twenty year old nut job?  Note to Dr. Pia .. Not everyone is into this crap, especially at this point in a marriage where you don’t know a person well enough.  Get rid of her, she’s out of hand.  And her clothes are too loud and tight for a professional.  Dress like a Professional Lady.

I know, right?  Of all the things to do, I would pick "have sex" before any of those suggestions 😄

[Auntie Anxiety]

2 hours ago, kristen111 said:

  Not even two months three weeks and she recommends that of all things?  

FTFY. 

[kristen111]

9 hours ago, Yeah No said:

 

OMG him asking her to wash her hands first told the tale, didn't it?  He is repulsed by her.  If he was really into her he wouldn't care.  He'd be so over the moon with her at this stage that she could rub mud into his jacket and he wouldn't even notice!  But what a fussy little priss he is.  He has so many boundaries it's no wonder no one is let into his heart.  We have not heard ANYTHING about his past relationship history and I find that suspect.  What is the real story with him?  I know there is more.

I think Becca is getting bad press because of this guy.  He shuts down and hides everything so people think he's OK and she's the one with the problem because she is actually a real human being with real needs and showing real vulnerability.  Everything in me is suspicious of him more than her.  It's easy to criticize the person that is authentic and buy the kool aid on the one hiding something.  I'm not so easily fooled by that.  Becca is far from perfect but I think there is a lot of stuff under the surface with him that's not too attractive.

And to the opinion that Becca is "pushy" - This guy is showering her with tons of physical affection, snuggling, kissing, hugging in bed.  He even says he wants to do all the things in bed Pastor Cal recommended, then leaves her "high and dry".  And she gets criticized for trying to move things forward with him!  I don't get it, is she supposed to let him maul her, lead her on and just lie there like a dead fish or get called "pushy"?  I don't get it.  AFAIK she hasn't forced him to have intercourse with her so how pushy could she possibly be?

I’d be damned if I let anyone see my cry over a guy.  Especially a Frat boy no less.  She has no shame.  A woman worth her salt should never bow down to a guy, ever.  Besides she’s too old for him and too matronly.  The “experts” fault.  They cannot pick to save their lives.

2 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I hear you.  I wish they wouldn't do that because they should know they are worth more and not care so much.  They devalue themselves by letting it get to them so much that they are reduced to defeated piles of mush.  But at least they're acting like they actually have the ability to care about a person they just married and whether the relationship works out.  Neither Brennan nor Austin are acting like they care about anything or anyone else at this point, including their spouses.  They are acting like they only care about themselves and their image on TV.

I think Brennon wants to be with Mommy and Daddy.  He’s a wuss.

[kristen111]

6 hours ago, Hip-to-be-Square said:

When I took ceramics courses in art college, I absolutely hated having clay on my hands and if I got it on my clothes, it would stain them.  I never touched anything until I washed the clay off of my hands and it took about 10 seconds or less to wash the clay off.  She could've just washed her hands or grabbed her coat- why was the whole thing so blown out of proportion? I almost think that she wanted to wear his coat as a way to feel attached to him- even though he's not attached to her 😐.

And you all now see why this girl is not married?  Men do not want a needy woman.  She probably just wants to sit on the couch with her blankie and watch tv. and be smothered with hugs and kisses.

[Elizzikra]

1 hour ago, kristen111 said:

I’d be damned if I let anyone see my cry over a guy.  Especially a Frat boy no less.  She has no shame.  A woman worth her salt should never bow down to a guy, ever.  Besides she’s too old for him and too matronly.  The “experts” fault.  They cannot pick to save their lives.

I think Brennon wants to be with Mommy and Daddy.  He’s a wuss.

Isn’t she 29 and he’s 28? If he gets too much younger or a woman it won’t be legal.

 

She’s not old and unless “matronly” is code for something else, I don’t see that either. I don’t think he’s higher energy than she is - he seems pretty stoned most of the time, actually. I think he just isn’t sexually attracted to her. Nothing more, nothing less.

1 hour ago, kristen111 said:

And you all now see why this girl is not married?  Men do not want a needy woman.  She probably just wants to sit on the couch with her blankie and watch tv. and be smothered with hugs and kisses.

Right. Because all men are the same and want the exact same things.

[Hip-to-be-Square]

5 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I hear you.  I wish they wouldn't do that because they should know they are worth more and not care so much.  They devalue themselves by letting it get to them so much that they are reduced to defeated piles of mush.  But at least they're acting like they actually have the ability to care about a person they just married and whether the relationship works out.  Neither Brennan nor Austin are acting like they care about anything or anyone else at this point, including their spouses.  They are acting like they only care about themselves and their image on TV.

You're right- at least these girls are giving it a shot, whereas these guys are just phoning it in.  It's so ridiculous how Brennan and Austin care about how they'll be perceived on TV- as if this series is watched by the entire nation and they'll leave a lasting impression on anyone watching them in a year or more from now 😅.  These guys probably aren't even that great in relationships that they choose for themselves! 

[Yeah No]

14 hours ago, Syncopation said:

So Becca claims she is cold and needs to grab a coat. What does she do? She gets up with her dirty 'clay' hands, and bypasses her jacket and instead grabs Austin's jacket with her dirty clay hands. Then, she gets all 'hurt'  because he says he wished she had washed her hands first? Yeah, what a creep for not wanting his coat to get messed up --- although she bypassed her own coat so her coat wouldn't get messed up. When she finally grabs her own coat, she complains that he should have cared more about her shivering than her dirty hands grabbing his coat. What a selfish, self-centered woman. Maybe she should have cared more about him and grabbed her own coat from the beginning. 

It's all 'her narrative' all of the time ---- even when we can actually see her self-serving actions. Yeah Becca, you were cold and had to immediately grab your coat with your dirty hands --- oh wait, you grabbed his coat because that is what you wanted at that moment --- but sure, feel rejected because he is surprised you chose his coat over your own to grab with your dirty hands.

 

He's a creep because she was teary eyed, upset and second guessing herself about why he doesn't like her.  She was cold and wiping tears from her eyes grappling with that and blaming herself for it, and that's why she went for the warmer jacket.  It's not because she was being "self serving".  The guy could have a little compassion in the moment, but noooooo, of course not.  Why should we expect that from backwards baseball cap guy?  And she did point out to him that if the situation were reversed she would let him have whatever he wanted. 

She was right to point out to him that he thinks about his own feelings first 100% of the time, even in situations where the human thing to do is think about the other person first, especially in a marriage.  And BTW her hands did not look that dirty to me.  I've seen clay on people's hands before and if any was there it was dry by that time and I didn't see it leave anything on the jacket.  

And I give her a break, she was upset and crying.  Who thinks about stuff like that at a time like that, especially while being filmed?  To her credit, as soon as he pointed it out to her she put the jacket right back and took her own.  If she had picked up his jacket because she didn't want to get her own dirty she wouldn't have picked her own up right afterward.

I just don't get making her the villain in this situation.  He is trying to make her out to be this domineering bitch but she is anything but (and I hate using the "b" word too!).  At that moment she was letting him make her feel wrong and responsible for why he isn't into her.  A dominating type doesn't allow that.  All he cared about was that her saying he wasn't thinking of her needs made him look bad.  Like he doesn't even care about how she feels AT ALL, just how he LOOKS.  And then she apologized because she says she didn't mean to make him look bad!  That is not what a domineering, pushy woman does!  She shouldn't have to apologize for her feelings!

He even told her that all her exes must have been "passive" types.  No, they were just men that knew how to give and take.  This jerk does not.  He should be with a blow-up doll if he wants a passive woman that would let him dominate her 100% of the time.  Because that's what he's acting like he wants.  I dated a guy like that once.  He ended up with a very passive woman from a foreign country where women are expected to be under a man's thumb.  Fine, if that's what works for him but I do not think that makes Becca a domineering bitch.  And neither am I.  My husband wouldn't have it.  We have a give and take.  This guy doesn't know how to give.

I hate to make generalizations like this but there are men out there that don't want a woman with any needs at all because they are essentially selfish and self serving types that want to be the center of attention and catered to at all times.  And he strikes me as one of those.  And that's why he's still single and doesn't like Becca because most women in our culture today don't put up with that kind of shit.

Edited March 2 by Yeah No

[JenE4]

I’m glad we saw the “jacket fight” and “ceiling-mounted camera fight” because now it gives some context to the “loud music while brushing teeth at Austin’s dad’s house” and “wolf reserve souvenir in a paper bag” fights. When they described those other fights to the experts as marriage-ending everyone was giving them the side eye like this is the stupidest thing we’ve ever heard. But now we see it comes down to Austin looking for any excuse/reason to say Becca is domineering and doesn’t care about his feelings, while Becca is looking for any excuse/reason to say Austin is distant and doesn’t care about her feelings. So suddenly a paper bag, a jacket, or a speaker becomes the symbol of everything about you that I feel hurt about. I feel like they almost can see that it’s not about a jacket and can start opening up about the underlying issue—but then the other will always bring it back to the topic at hand rather than the actual issue. Austin is a distancer and Becca a pursuer. Becca seems to have an anxious attachment style, or Austin is so avoidant that it brings out in her—so she has it now even if she may have been able to be more relaxed and secure in prior relationships. They are just not right for each other because they’re going to continue bringing out the worst in each other unless they can try to understand each other and respect each other’s feelings. 

Edited March 2 by JenE4

[ByTor]

On 2/29/2024 at 11:12 AM, Retired at last said:

I actually switched to reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond

Seeya over at that forum 😂 

[Starlight925]

35 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

Austin is a distancer and Becca a pursuer. Becca seems to have an anxious attachment style, or Austin is so avoidant that it brings out in her—so she has it now even if she may have been able to be more relaxed and secure in prior relationships. They are just not right for each other because they’re going to continue bringing out the worst in each other 

Exactly, very well put!

When they first sat down at the pottery studio, Becca was trying to let Austin know how she thought that their earlier interaction prior to leaving their apartment went so well.  She had asked him to leave the washer door open so it won't get moldy, and he did it without getting upset at her.

She was so proud of the two of them for that great interaction, when in fact, that's a simple thing that couples do all the time.  Hey, can you please leave the washer door open?  Sure, hon.  

Usually, these things require no analysis, but Becca is so accustomed to Austin making her jump through little hoops all the time, that she had to point out this little moment, like, oh, I'm so glad I didn't have to jump through the hoop of him getting upset at me for asking him to leave the washer door open.

Because Austin is such an avoider/distancer, Becca will forever walk on eggshells.

No bueno.

I hope Becca is the first one to speak, and that she says NO.

Edited March 2 by Starlight925

[Yeah No]

40 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

Austin is a distancer and Becca a pursuer. Becca seems to have an anxious attachment style, or Austin is so avoidant that it brings out in her—so she has it now even if she may have been able to be more relaxed and secure in prior relationships. They are just not right for each other because they’re going to continue bringing out the worst in each other unless they can try to understand each other and respect each other’s feelings. 

Having had decades of experience with the distancer/pursuer dynamic I can say very generally "yes" in this situation.  Every relationship has aspects of the distancer/pursuer dynamic only in healthy relationships the roles flip flop and balance each other out between the partners.  Anyone can be the overall ("chronic" if you will) distancer or pursuer in a relationship depending on how invested they are in it and how it triggers their issues.  If Becca had married someone that didn't float her boat that liked her, suddenly she'd become the distancer, and if Austin married someone that had less or no interest in him, he might become the pursuer.  And you're right about how they bring the worst out in each other.   The more he distances the more she pursues and that usually doesn't end well, only here it's even more extreme because they are together every day and already married and it has gone on unchecked for weeks.  It's turned into what I've heard called a "death spiral".  Unfortunately I don't think they're getting the right advice from the so-called "experts" either, which doesn't help.

If Austin could get over whatever's blocking him from really being invested in her then they might have a chance, but if not, forget it, there's no hope for them.  If it's only that she's coming on too strong that's bothering him then maybe there's hope, but my suspicion is that even if she backed way down or never pursued him in the first place he wouldn't suddenly over time care enough to pursue her himself.  I just don't think under any circumstances he would care that much for her no matter what she did.  And even if he could, I don't see much coming from him that could work in a mature relationship no matter how much they cared about each other.  He strikes me as quite immature, even more so than Becca, but that's my opinion.

Also, I don't forget that for a long time Austin was giving Becca mixed signals with all that lovey-dovey hot and cold stuff that lead to nowhere.  Anyone might become a pursuer to the nth degree if being driven crazy like that, especially in a very intense situation like this where they are together every day without a break and technically married. 

[Yeah No]

Also, from what I've gathered from listening to Becca in this episode is that Austin is exhausting.  He makes her explain every little thing she does to his satisfaction before he gives his "OK" to it, like she has to check with him about everything first to make sure he's "comfortable" with it even if it's the most minor thing no one else cares about.  I don't know WTF that is all about but it looks to me like he's the one that's the controlling, micromanaging person in the relationship overall.  If my husband made me do that we would be destined for divorce court.  

Also, his words don't match his body language.  He asked her not to take his jacket but with absolutely no finesse or emotion at all.  WTF is that all about?  If you care about someone that's crying in front of you, you don't act that way.  You say, "honey, no, please, your hands are dirty".  You soften it, you don't sit there like a stone while they're crying.  Then he acts like he wants to hold her hand.  It just doesn't add up to me to be coming from someone sincere at all or that cares about anything but his appearance to the public.  I think I see through him, though.

[kristen111]

13 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

Isn’t she 29 and he’s 28? If he gets too much younger or a woman it won’t be legal.

 

She’s not old and unless “matronly” is code for something else, I don’t see that either. I don’t think he’s higher energy than she is - he seems pretty stoned most of the time, actually. I think he just isn’t sexually attracted to her. Nothing more, nothing less.

Right. Because all men are the same and want the exact same things.

Can I have an opinion PLEASE.  Geeeze.  So obvious.

[princelina]

2 hours ago, Yeah No said:

Also, from what I've gathered from listening to Becca in this episode is that Austin is exhausting.  He makes her explain every little thing she does to his satisfaction before he gives his "OK" to it, like she has to check with him about everything first to make sure he's "comfortable" with it even if it's the most minor thing no one else cares about.  I don't know WTF that is all about but it looks to me like he's the one that's the controlling, micromanaging person in the relationship overall.  If my husband made me do that we would be destined for divorce court.  

Also, his words don't match his body language.  

His words have never matched his body language - that's why I've been calling him the jerk for the past few weeks 😄  But I think she's equally exhausting, and I'm not sure which one starts it.  I have friends like that with their "jealous" boyfriend or husband where going out to dinner with me turns into a big deal ("Is that really where you are?") but they thrive on it - can't believe Mr P is not bothered by me going out to dinner, and that I'm not bothered that he doesn't care 🙄. I find their relationships exhausting!  This whole scene in the pottery studio was when I really could see that Becca is a lot of work.  The whole "washing machine door" story seemed performative for the cameras and like she was trying to please him by making him "look good" but came off as patronizing and if I were him I'd have been annoyed by it.  I agree with @kristen111that she needs to get a clue, and probably is the type of girl who wants to lay around cuddling on the couch all the time and be called Schmoopie.  And she's been bursting into tears since the honeymoon ("He thinks I'm going to hell and I don't like it 😫") and during their conversation with Cal I don't think that's how it really went, but she was unable to have an adult conversation about their religious differences.  She just hunches over and begins to weep over everything.  There was a Dr. Seuss character called Weepy Weed, which my siblings and I would call each other when one of us was being a crybaby - that's how I think of her now 😄

[Empress1]

13 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

Isn’t she 29 and he’s 28? If he gets too much younger or a woman it won’t be legal.

 

She’s not old and unless “matronly” is code for something else, I don’t see that either. I don’t think he’s higher energy than she is - he seems pretty stoned most of the time, actually. I think he just isn’t sexually attracted to her. Nothing more, nothing less.

She’s 32, he’s 31. She turned 32 during filming; they were the same age when they got married. A year isn’t an age difference. 

I agree with you - I wouldn’t describe either of them as particularly high-energy. Austin’s not out here talking about how he likes to go hiking or mountain biking or traveling or even go to the gym in his spare time. Neither is Becca. Come to think of it, I’m not sure what either of their interests are. I’m not even sure what Austin’s job is. I feel like in prior seasons, we saw the couples doing things one of them liked to do. We saw a bit of that this episode with Michael taking Chloe to the boxing gym (he seemed to be a member there, he knew the owner), but I feel like we used to see more of it. A lot of the activities the couples have done this season have seemed pretty producer-driven.

3 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

Usually, these things require no analysis, but Becca is so accustomed to Austin making her jump through little hoops all the time, that she had to point out this little moment, like, oh, I'm so glad I didn't have to jump through the hoop of him getting upset at me for asking him to leave the washer door open.

Because Austin is such an avoider/distancer, Becca will forever walk on eggshells.

Totally agree. Becca may not be needy in all her relationships but she gets so little from Austin that anything that goes smoothly is a triumph. The fact that she considered leaving the washer open a success story is a sign that this isn’t working. She should want better than breadcrumbs.

[kristen111]

6 minutes ago, princelina said:

His words have never matched his body language - that's why I've been calling him the jerk for the past few weeks 😄  But I think she's equally exhausting, and I'm not sure which one starts it.  I have friends like that with their "jealous" boyfriend or husband where going out to dinner with me turns into a big deal ("Is that really where you are?") but they thrive on it - can't believe Mr P is not bothered by me going out to dinner, and that I'm not bothered that he doesn't care 🙄. I find their relationships exhausting!  This whole scene in the pottery studio was when I really could see that Becca is a lot of work.  The whole "washing machine door" story seemed performative for the cameras and like she was trying to please him by making him "look good" but came off as patronizing and if I were him I'd have been annoyed by it.  I agree with @kristen111that she needs to get a clue, and probably is the type of girl who wants to lay around cuddling on the couch all the time and be called Schmoopie.  And she's been bursting into tears since the honeymoon ("He thinks I'm going to hell and I don't like it 😫") and during their conversation with Cal I don't think that's how it really went, but she was unable to have an adult conversation about their religious differences.  She just hunches over and begins to weep over everything.  There was a Dr. Seuss character called Weepy Weed, which my siblings and I would call each other when one of us was being a crybaby - that's how I think of her now 😄

Thank you.  Men do not want a weeping woman .. they run the other way.  Becca is a lot of work imo.  “If im allowed an opinion”.  🤷‍♂️

[Yeah No]

10 minutes ago, princelina said:

His words have never matched his body language - that's why I've been calling him the jerk for the past few weeks 😄  But I think she's equally exhausting, and I'm not sure which one starts it.  I have friends like that with their "jealous" boyfriend or husband where going out to dinner with me turns into a big deal ("Is that really where you are?") but they thrive on it - can't believe Mr P is not bothered by me going out to dinner, and that I'm not bothered that he doesn't care 🙄. I find their relationships exhausting!  This whole scene in the pottery studio was when I really could see that Becca is a lot of work.  The whole "washing machine door" story seemed performative for the cameras and like she was trying to please him by making him "look good" but came off as patronizing and if I were him I'd have been annoyed by it.  I agree with @kristen111that she needs to get a clue, and probably is the type of girl who wants to lay around cuddling on the couch all the time and be called Schmoopie.  And she's been bursting into tears since the honeymoon ("He thinks I'm going to hell and I don't like it 😫") and during their conversation with Cal I don't think that's how it really went, but she was unable to have an adult conversation about their religious differences.  She just hunches over and begins to weep over everything.  There was a Dr. Seuss character called Weepy Weed, which my siblings and I would call each other when one of us was being a crybaby - that's how I think of her now 😄

I would like to say I agree with you only I'm not sure how much work Becca would really be if she were with a guy that actually liked her.  Her weepiness at times is because that's when she's realizing that he doesn't like her and she's letting it get to her too much so she looks needy.  Of course someone that's rejected is going to look needy. Most people in that situation do! And sometimes she reacts passive-aggressively to his "microaggressions" and whatever he does to keep throwing up boundaries and making her feel rejected.

Granted, all that is true but I don't know how true they would be if she were with a guy that really liked her. I think she has real reasons not to trust him if he doesn't like her.  Him on the other hand, I don't know what he has not to trust about her because it looks like she was really taken by him (why I don't know but she had a lot invested in this marriage) and would do whatever he wanted from her - she is making that clear in every exchange with him. Just tell her what to do to please him and she wants to do it. That should give him at least something to trust about her. But no, he refuses. So I don't know what to say about that. I actually think that's a clear sign that what's wrong with Becca is nothing more than the fact that she's into a guy that isn't into her. I still think there is more wrong with him that we're not seeing because he's very careful to hide it on camera. I just know it's there, though.

[kristen111]

3 hours ago, Yeah No said:

Also, from what I've gathered from listening to Becca in this episode is that Austin is exhausting.  He makes her explain every little thing she does to his satisfaction before he gives his "OK" to it, like she has to check with him about everything first to make sure he's "comfortable" with it even if it's the most minor thing no one else cares about.  I don't know WTF that is all about but it looks to me like he's the one that's the controlling, micromanaging person in the relationship overall.  If my husband made me do that we would be destined for divorce court.  

Also, his words don't match his body language.  He asked her not to take his jacket but with absolutely no finesse or emotion at all.  WTF is that all about?  If you care about someone that's crying in front of you, you don't act that way.  You say, "honey, no, please, your hands are dirty".  You soften it, you don't sit there like a stone while they're crying.  Then he acts like he wants to hold her hand.  It just doesn't add up to me to be coming from someone sincere at all or that cares about anything but his appearance to the public.  I think I see through him, though.

I think everything here is scripted for drama.  Not one couple is getting along except for Chloe, who imo is fake.

Edited March 2 by kristen111

[kristen111]

5 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

Exactly, very well put!

When they first sat down at the pottery studio, Becca was trying to let Austin know how she thought that their earlier interaction prior to leaving their apartment went so well.  She had asked him to leave the washer door open so it won't get moldy, and he did it without getting upset at her.

She was so proud of the two of them for that great interaction, when in fact, that's a simple thing that couples do all the time.  Hey, can you please leave the washer door open?  Sure, hon.  

Usually, these things require no analysis, but Becca is so accustomed to Austin making her jump through little hoops all the time, that she had to point out this little moment, like, oh, I'm so glad I didn't have to jump through the hoop of him getting upset at me for asking him to leave the washer door open.

Because Austin is such an avoider/distancer, Becca will forever walk on eggshells.

No bueno.

I hope Becca is the first one to speak, and that she says NO.

Too much thinking and talking from Becca.  I don’t even know what she is saying.  Go with the flow and stop analyzing everything.  She’s so confusing, and don’t be a Nag.  If it’s meant to be, it will be, but I doubt it.

[Crashcourse]

After this shit show is over, think Brennan, Austin, Michael and Cam will take a bro trip to Costa Rica.  They won't invite Orion because he'll find something to be offended about. 

Clare, Becca, Lauren, and Chloe will take a girls' trip to Cancun.  They won't invite Emily because she'll get sloppy drunk, and they won't know what to do with her.

 

[kristen111]

13 minutes ago, Crashcourse said:

After this shit show is over, think Brennan, Austin, Michael and Cam will take a bro trip to Costa Rica.  They won't invite Orion because he'll find something to be offended about. 

Clare, Becca, Lauren, and Chloe will take a girls' trip to Cancun.  They won't invite Emily because she'll get sloppy drunk, and they won't know what to do with her.

 

Hahaha .. I think you are right, lol.

[kristen111]

Bet the end of the show won’t be next week.  

[Gator Stud]

On 3/1/2024 at 7:38 AM, Yeah No said:

We have not heard ANYTHING about his past relationship history and I find that suspect.  What is the real story with him?  I know there is more.

I think Becca is getting bad press because of this guy.  He shuts down and hides everything so people think he's OK and she's the one with the problem because she is actually a real human being with real needs and showing real vulnerability. 

1) There is a reason why he is acting this way towards Becca.  But I wont spoil it for you.

2) Becca has to try harder.  Most of the season she was a complete mess, with her roots, pink hair, ill fitting clothing choices, and makeup.  You have to try to attract the man by putting your best foot forward. When I saw her on Keisha's last show, she looked amazing and well put together, and I was thinking, "why didnt she look like this for Austin the entire season"?  She probably would have had a better shot at Austin than wearing the ill fitting tie-dye hoodie. Instead she was looking washed up the entire season, but great on Keisha's show after it was too late.

Austin was trying to not be a dick, but when you are not attracted to the person, how do you navigate that without appearing like a dick.  Its practically impossible.  I think Clint was the only one who pulled it off.  Even Jaime went into meltdown mode before she came around. There are only two choices: 1) admit you are not attracted to the person and leave the show and pay the penalty or, 2) take the, "I'm building the attraction" route- which normally doesnt work.

[Elizzikra]

5 hours ago, Empress1 said:

She’s 32, he’s 31. She turned 32 during filming; they were the same age when they got married. A year isn’t an age difference. 

I agree with you - I wouldn’t describe either of them as particularly high-energy. Austin’s not out here talking about how he likes to go hiking or mountain biking or traveling or even go to the gym in his spare time. Neither is Becca. Come to think of it, I’m not sure what either of their interests are. I’m not even sure what Austin’s job is.

 

What is Austin’s job? I just realized I have no idea.

 

4 hours ago, Crashcourse said:

After this shit show is over, think Brennan, Austin, Michael and Cam will take a bro trip to Costa Rica.  They won't invite Orion because he'll find something to be offended about. 

Clare, Becca, Lauren, and Chloe will take a girls' trip to Cancun.  They won't invite Emily because she'll get sloppy drunk, and they won't know what to do with her.

 

Do the other girls seem to find Emily’s drinking problematic? I’ve actually been sort of surprised that they all seem ok with it, even when her woowoo girl personality comes out. She and Clare seem to have become pretty good friends. I think she would get invited on the Cancun trip but maybe after one too many evenings of having to hold her hair while she pukes, the others start to see a problem. 

I can definitely see the Orionless bro trip happening.

6 hours ago, kristen111 said:

Can I have an opinion PLEASE.  Geeeze.  So obvious.

Well yes - and I am permitted to disagree with it, which is what I did. 

 

1 hour ago, Gator Stud said:

Austin was trying to not be a dick, but when you are not attracted to the person, how do you navigate that without appearing like a dick.  Its practically impossible.  I think Clint was the only one who pulled it off.  Even Jaime went into meltdown mode before she came around. There are only two choices: 1) admit you are not attracted to the person and leave the show and pay the penalty or, 2) take the, "I'm building the attraction" route- which normally doesnt work.

I think it was easier for Clint because Gina wasn’t attracted to him either. And Austin doesn’t help himself by continuing to try to develop an attraction to Becca (or at least to say that’s what he’s trying to do). The “experts” definitely don’t help by their continued insistence that attraction will somehow just develop for these two over time. Maybe it would for two different people but I don’t see it happening here.  I’d have more respect for him and I think that Emily would do better if he would just say “look - I’m trying but I’m just not feeling it.” Instead she gets just enough physical affection from him to believe that more could be forthcoming.

[kristen111]

35 minutes ago, Elizzikra said:

7 hours ago, kristen111 said:

Can I have an opinion PLEASE.  Geeeze.  So obvious.

Well yes - and I am permitted to disagree with it, which is what I did.

ALL THE TIME ?

[princelina]

8 hours ago, Empress1 said:

Austin’s not out here talking about how he likes to go hiking or mountain biking or traveling or even go to the gym in his spare time. Neither is Becca. Come to think of it, I’m not sure what either of their interests are.

Pottery, wolves and erotic terrariums, of course! 😂. And Becca is interested in sex, while Austin is interested in sleeping in beds formerly slept in by famous athletes 😃

[Crashcourse]

2 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

Do the other girls seem to find Emily’s drinking problematic? I’ve actually been sort of surprised that they all seem ok with it, even when her woowoo girl personality comes out. She and Clare seem to have become pretty good friends. I think she would get invited on the Cancun trip but maybe after one too many evenings of having to hold her hair while she pukes, the others start to see a problem. 

Just because they haven't said anything doesn't mean they don't see a drinking problem with her.  They might have seen enough of Emily's behavior at the bachelorette party to know they wouldn't want her on a vacation with them.  

I could see them wondering where's Emily, fearing she had another accident?  😱

[Elizzikra]

2 hours ago, Crashcourse said:

Just because they haven't said anything doesn't mean they don't see a drinking problem with her.  They might have seen enough of Emily's behavior at the bachelorette party to know they wouldn't want her on a vacation with them.  

I could see them wondering where's Emily, fearing she had another accident?  😱

Did we ever find out if her cast on AfterParty was from the off-roading accident or something else?

[Yeah No]

9 hours ago, Gator Stud said:

1) There is a reason why he is acting this way towards Becca.  But I wont spoil it for you.

Unless you're privy to a spoiler that I haven't seen (and I've looked) then it's just your opinion.

9 hours ago, Gator Stud said:

2) Becca has to try harder.  Most of the season she was a complete mess, with her roots, pink hair, ill fitting clothing choices, and makeup.  You have to try to attract the man by putting your best foot forward. When I saw her on Keisha's last show, she looked amazing and well put together, and I was thinking, "why didnt she look like this for Austin the entire season"?  She probably would have had a better shot at Austin than wearing the ill fitting tie-dye hoodie. Instead she was looking washed up the entire season, but great on Keisha's show after it was too late.

I agree that Becca could do much better and have said so but of course when I do that I get told I'm either insulting her or being shallow and that a man should find her attractive no matter how she looks.  Meanwhile all I have said that she could look a lot better with the right hair, clothing and makeup choices, and that when you're starting a relationship a person needs to pay attention to those things because physical attraction is a thing and you don't want to turn someone off.

At this point, though, I think this relationship has become toxic for her and that's why she looks so bad.  She's crying, stressed out and defeated and it's taking a toll on her appearance.

9 hours ago, Gator Stud said:

Austin was trying to not be a dick, but when you are not attracted to the person, how do you navigate that without appearing like a dick.  Its practically impossible.  I think Clint was the only one who pulled it off.  Even Jaime went into meltdown mode before she came around. There are only two choices: 1) admit you are not attracted to the person and leave the show and pay the penalty or, 2) take the, "I'm building the attraction" route- which normally doesnt work.

"Trying not to be a dick" shouldn't involve being a dick by in effect lying and misleading her to the degree that he has.  Talking about their future, snuggling, kissy facing, all that stuff is only leading her on and giving her the wrong impression.  It's only making things a lot worse and hurting her all the more because she's sensing that it's not how he really feels based on other things he's doing or not doing.  And I don't think it's "impossible" to avoid what he's done to mislead her.  He's just an asshole.  Even Brennan has not gotten into bed with Emily and snuggled like he's into her and finds her attractive.  Most men on this show that have not been into their wives have managed not to do that and the ones that have have been dirt bags.

[Retired at last]

7 hours ago, Yeah No said:

Unless you're privy to a spoiler that I haven't seen (and I've looked) then it's just your opinion.

I have seen a spoiler, but I am sorry, I don't remember where - maybe some discussion on MAFSFan's page. But, there was an explanation. I will put it on the spoilers page. I don't know if it is true or not.

[Jodyj]

I feel like I am the only one who wasn't "grossed out" by Michael and Chloe getting frisky. My first thought was Good for them! Should it have been shown so blatantly not really but sex happens. And I for one was glad to see there is a real attraction between them.

[Crashcourse]

They can "get sexy" all they want, just keep it off camera.  It was gross.

[Jodyj]

One more thing as I am reading this thread. If your hands are dirty and you have your own coat why the hell are you picking up mine.  If you are cold feel free to wear it but take 2 minutes to wash your hands. It is called respecting my belongings. 

Seriously if you have a jacket and someone wants to wear it but they have dirty hands wouldn't you think it would be a normal human thing to do. Wash your hands? I don't care if when it dries you can wipe it off. Wash your hands. 

It sounds like all of you would be fine with your partner putting your jacket on with filthy hands when they are in a room with a sink. Be honest. You wouldn't. 

25 minutes ago, Crashcourse said:

They can "get sexy" all they want, just keep it off camera.  It was gross.

Your idea and my idea of gross are different. I find it natural. 

[Jodyj]

Last one. Becca was light and sunshine until she didn't get sex. Then everything became about her not having sex. It was honestly exhausting listening to her go on and on about it. I would have lost all sex drive as well. 

It is too bad because I really liked them for each other in the beginning. 

[Crashcourse]

3 hours ago, Jodyj said:

Your idea and my idea of gross are different. I find it natural. 

Well, good for you then.

[Chatty Cake]

Becca’s kind of odd looking with the pink hair, acne and ill fitting clothes. Guessing she might smell a bit too and THAT was why he didn’t want her in his jacket. Not to mention the constant crying. Austin no prize but if he rejects her, damn. Not a good look. Also she would help her health condition if she started working out and ate healthier. She might be in better spirits too.

I don’t like Brennan but I can see why Emily gets on his nerves. She’s got that dumb childish smirk and is kind of a smart ass. There was no need to insult a Michael and Chloe’s vows. Of course they were vanilla, they don’t know each other! Her sitting on the bathroom floor crying was gross and pathetic 

Michael and Chloe seem to have the most fun and respect each other. The sex store was unnecessary but they made the most of it. 

[Elizzikra]

32 minutes ago, Chatty Cake said:

Becca’s kind of odd looking with the pink hair, acne and ill fitting clothes. Guessing she might smell a bit too and THAT was why he didn’t want her in his jacket. Not to mention the constant crying. Austin no prize but if he rejects her, damn. Not a good look. Also she would help her health condition if she started working out and ate healthier. She might be in better spirits too.

We don’t know anything at all about Becca’s exercise or eating habits. She doesn’t drink alcohol so, health-wise, she has that going for her. For all we know, she does eat a pretty healthful diet and exercises daily; plenty of people with her body type do. We also have no reason at all to think that she “smells.”

I think Becca is maybe a pretty happy and positive person generally but being attracted to someone who doesn’t return the sentiment absolutely sucks. All the more so when that person is your husband and it’s happening on national television. Oh and he keeps telling you that he will get there someday… 

[Chatty Cake]

9 minutes ago, Elizzikra said:

We don’t know anything at all about Becca’s exercise or eating habits. She doesn’t drink alcohol so, health-wise, she has that going for her. For all we know, she does eat a pretty healthful diet and exercises daily; plenty of people with her body type do. We also have no reason at all to think that she “smells.”

I think Becca is maybe a pretty happy and positive person generally but being attracted to someone who doesn’t return the sentiment absolutely sucks. All the more so when that person is your husband and it’s happening on national television. Oh and he keeps telling you that he will get there someday… 

Sometimes you can tell if someone smells just by looking at their unkempt selves. Poor Becca is in this category. 
He was definitely stringing her along, most likely to keep his camera time.  But he did snuggle with her and put on a good show so shame on him for doing that when he had no intention of sealing the deal. I do think he liked her more initially but all the communication and crying probably got on his nerves. 

[Elizzikra]

9 minutes ago, Chatty Cake said:

He was definitely stringing her along, most likely to keep his camera time.  But he did snuggle with her and put on a good show so shame on him for doing that when he had no intention of sealing the deal. I do think he liked her more initially but all the communication and crying probably got on his nerves. 

I think he always liked her as a person but I think he wasn’t ever physically attracted to her. They’d make good friends but I don’t think that’s in the cards for them - at least not in the near future. 

[princelina]

21 hours ago, Yeah No said:

"Trying not to be a dick" shouldn't involve being a dick by in effect lying and misleading her to the degree that he has.  Talking about their future, snuggling, kissy facing, all that stuff is only leading her on and giving her the wrong impression.  It's only making things a lot worse and hurting her all the more because she's sensing that it's not how he really feels based on other things he's doing or not doing.  

Yeah he's definitely a dick - no question.  She should just be at the point where she gets that now.  For some reason she just can't make it here.

9 hours ago, Jodyj said:

Your idea and my idea of gross are different. I find it natural. 

Natural in real life - I agree.  Natural so that you perform for the cameras that y ou know are there?  Gross.

9 hours ago, Jodyj said:

Last one. Becca was light and sunshine until she didn't get sex. Then everything became about her not having sex.

Nah  - she was crying on the honeymoon.  Before it became all about the sex.