S01.E05: Birthday Girl

[Tara Ariano]

Bruce manages to steal Chyka away for a romantic date night. Janet celebrates her birthday by picking up her sparkling three carat diamond ring. Later that day, another Housewife threatens to take the shine off her party.

[quetzal]

Ben started the discussion at the party, not Gina. And Andrea is an asshole for accusing Gina of doing the same thing at Janet's birthday gettogether.

 

I think Gina wanted to be entertained by Jackie's seer skills and got stung, kinda like on RHOM Season 1 when Larsa treated Elsa like some party favor then got all defensive when Elsa told her she was emotionally immature and hinted at financial issues in the home. Anyway, Gina  answered a question that Lydia asked her. She wasn't talking shit about Jackie behind her back but rather venting to her girlfriend who misrepresented the story when she played runteldat to the rest of them.

Edited August 24, 2014 by quetzal

[quetzal]

This is where my Janet love waned a bit.

 

Hopefully this isn't considered a spoiler, but here's a photo from Andrea's book signing.

[fliptopbox]

I enjoyed the art that Lydia was looking at, but no way in hell would I pay that kind of money for anything involving glitter paint.

 

Andrea's mommy meeting seemed pointless to me, considering none of the women who gave feedback seemed to agree with Andrea's methods. Her whole message was "just buy my book!" and she didn't care if these women found her parenting methods helpful or  not.

 

Hopefully this isn't considered a spoiler, but here's a photo from Andrea's book signing.

LMAO. Not surprised at all.

[parisprincess]

The women Andrea spoke to about her book weren't very impressed.  They probably thought the same thing I did; instead of writing a whole book, she could just tweet it in 140 characters or less....hire a nanny to take over the care of your children (and make them stay an extra hour to clean the kitchen).  Its not hard to balance work and home when you have someone else to do everything for your kids (except kiss them on the mouth).   

[Primetimer]

But will Janet, a lovable bag of Botox, top Gina in the power rankings?

Read the story

[HunterHunted]

My word, Andrea is an impossibly obnoxious superior scold. When even Jackie thinks it's not the right time or place to confront Gina, then you are clearly in the wrong. Her condescension to the other working mothers was beyond infuriating. It's clear that they aren't as organized as Andrea and not that they have different resources or beliefs about motherhood.

Jackie was doing so well at being less Jackie like this episode, but then she and Ben had to 3-year old finger paint all over the La mascara logo and pronounce their efforts a transformative work of genius. Those two are really impressed with themselves. Shine. Shine. Shine.

I couldn't figure out what Janet's tattoo was, but it looked ugly and rough.

[Neurochick]

I'm annoyed with Janet.  Lydia might not be smart, but at least her face looks real.  I watched on HDTV today for the first time and man, I could see the lines or scars in Janet's face where it was pulled for her face-lift, I guess.  HDTV isn't kind to Janet.

[BucFan]

Lydia is a real "Brain Trust". She's right The Mona Lisa is in The Louvre, but The Louvre is in PARIS not London you dummy.

[mothmonsterman]

I did love the way Andrea's panel of mothers kind of gave her the business. Her stuck up attitude tells me that doesn't happen near enough to her.

She has got a wild hair up her butt about Gina. It sounds insane that someone would have so much venom just because you don't like the way someone else chooses to dress and apply makeup.

Maybe she needs to do some of the things on the nannies lists, then she would not have so much time to be paranoid, bossy and a complete pill.

[Ratched]

Is there anywhere to watch this elsewhere? It won't even accept my Time Cable "credentials.

[jennylauren123]

OK, so who made Andrea the Queen of All Things? Jeez, she sure is impressed with herself and her uptight notions. My opinion of her keeps diving, while my love of all things Gina and Janet is growing like the Grinch's heart.

 

I think there are two camps on this show. There are the smart ones: Gina and Janet, who get bonus points for having a lovely friendship, and the dull ones: London Louvre Lydia, All About Andrea, and Jackass Jackie.

 

Oh, and loved Gina in the tennis store, looking all kinds of horrified at the trainers on display. Keep wearing those heels, girl. They suit you!

Edited August 25, 2014 by jennylauren123

[Neurochick]

I don't like Gina because I find her nasty as well as ugly inside and out.  So what Lydia's not smart, no everybody can be a "barrister"  Gina and Star Jones should get together and be BFF's and start a "Mean Girls, I'm smarter than all of you!" club.  Oh, and Gina, keep wearing those heels, your feet will be royally fucked by the time you're fifty.

 

Andrea is a nasty piece of work with her frozen face.  I wonder if someone's told her that slavery is wrong.

 

I have zero opinion of Janet, she's my age and she looks older than my mother who's in her eighties.  Some people really shouldn't get plastic surgery AT ALL.

Edited August 25, 2014 by Neurochick

[poeticlicensed]

This hot mess is quickly becoming my new favorite HW show, since NJ is such a snoozefest this season. 

 

I like Gina, and I loved that nasty Andrea was not able to chase her away at the birthday party. I also love that the editors spliced in the clip of Ben being the one to start shit at the party, not Gina. 

 

Loved Andrea's focus group of confused mums who did not support her theory that the key to raising children is to get an indentured servant (I mean nanny) and work them until they quit or you fire them. 

 

Janet seems so frail, which is no surprised since I guess her ex was a real asshole. I absolutely believe that "date" was a total set up. No way did she bang him. 

 

I enjoyed Jackie's THs, especially when she said she couldn't keep all the HW books straight. 

 

Lydia and her art cracked me up. She is an idiot, plain and simple. 

[Neurochick]

Lydia is NOT smart, but there are worse things, like being a nasty know it all like Gina.  I wish someone would ask her how many hours it takes to clean that shit off her face.  If she keeps painting her face like that, by the time she's fifty or sixty, her skin will be like shoe leather.

[Betweenyouandme]

Lydia, go buy a Hansa mama snow leopard from FAO toys instead.

I like Gina, but I think her ego and defensiveness cause her to change her story and add to it when confronted. I think when she adds more, she thinks it will add to her "case." Really though, it makes her look like she's reaching.

I really think Andrea and Tamra OC should meet up and be stuck with each other for days. Or Heather OC! She can try to act all down to earth, but I'm sure she'd start to unravel. The competition and heartlessness would make good TV.

[SistaLadybug]

Jackie and her husband continue to be suspect.  The "chanting" and saying Jackie looked like she was doing a "tribal dance" when she was flinging paint all over the logo ... that left my mouth gaping.

[archer1267]

Andrea is one stealth bitch, isn't she? "I'm bringing this up because I care about personal growth." Uh, no - you're just willing to sell out someone you know to impress the new, younger, hipper acquaintance. If there's a silver lining to Andrea, it's that Jackie irritates me less now.

 

And her vocal inflection and way of speaking drives me nuts. Love the assumption that Gina and Janet just had to be talking about her in the loo. No, Andrea, Gina doesn't not want you to succeed - love her or hate her, Gina strikes me as someone secure in who she is, and is successful on her own and not threatened by the success of others. Aviva blamed her poor Amazon reviews on Carole's fans - I bet Andrea will likewise blame poor book sales on Gina, somehow. For someone who cares so much about "personal growth," she really didn't want to hear the comments from the lunchtime focus group.

 

I don't at all share Lydia's taste in art and if I were her husband, I wouldn't be happy at the cavalier way she views money. But it was a nice respite from all this "she said/she said" nonsense, and a reminder of why I tuned into the HW shows to begin with.

[Duke2801]

Chyka and her husband seem sweet, but o.m.g. I was so BORED during their segment.  Ditto for Jackie and Ben's painting.  I was seething at Comcast for not letting me fast-forward through those segments, even On-Demand. 

 

Andrea is ridiculous.  Was LOVING all those mothers basically telling her that she treats her nanny like shit.   She's got bad hair too.  I think her hair is naturally wavy or curly, but she tries to flatten it into submission with a straightening iron or something.  It just looks dull, frizzy, and unkempt to me. 

 

Lydia is NOT smart, but there are worse things, like being a nasty know it all like Gina.  I wish someone would ask her how many hours it takes to clean that shit off her face.  If she keeps painting her face like that, by the time she's fifty or sixty, her skin will be like shoe leather.

 

Ehh I don't think makeup -- even heavy Gina-style makeup -- causes your skin to harden.  That's moreso sun exposure, hard living, stress, and genetics. And just... time. I would be interested to see what you she looks like without all the makeup and softer, more natural hair style.  I'll bet she's quite lovely!

[QuinnM]

Gina's style is just her style.  She gave a tip of the hat to the drag queens so she's not unaware of what she looks like.  She just likes it.  I see it as the same as Dolly Parton choosing to model herself after the local town ho.  To each there own.  And I agree, make up does not make your skin age - sun does.  So the more make up the younger you'll look underneath it all.

 

The irony in Jackie sniffing at the women at the lunch 'who probably married their millions'.  As opposed to making it as a psychic?  Girl who you kidding you might recognize someone that married money if your magic mirror worked.  But poor thing it just keeps telling her that she's the fairest in the land.

 

Andrea is just looking desperate to me now.  I think she was actually miffed that they weren't talking about her book in the bathroom.  I wonder if she practices her TH.  Her hand gestures look so odd, like something in a school PSA about hygiene.

[cpansy]

I expected to see a little more outrage here against Andrea, especially after her poor showing at the working mothers focus group. I realize the whole segment was heavily edited, but what wasn't edited was what Andrea was saying: you can do it all as long as you hire someone to do basically all of it for you. Even as a long-time Housewives viewer, I was surprised. If she wants a housekeeper, hire a housekeeper. And if she wants a nanny to do all of the "un-fun" parts relative to raising children, I wondered why she bothered to have children?

[technorebel]

I expected to see a little more outrage here against Andrea, especially after her poor showing at the working mothers focus group. I realize the whole segment was heavily edited, but what wasn't edited was what Andrea was saying: you can do it all as long as you hire someone to do basically all of it for you. Even as a long-time Housewives viewer, I was surprised. If she wants a housekeeper, hire a housekeeper. And if she wants a nanny to do all of the "un-fun" parts relative to raising children, I wondered why she bothered to have children?

She is about as clueless as Lydia. The women at that focus group just aren't organized as she is (

or maybe they just enjoy spending time with their children). Andrea just didn't get what they were trying to tell her, so I can't be outraged at her, but I can laugh.

By the way, she's given interviews and said she's not publishing her book after all because "the show trashed it".

[HunterHunted]

Jackie and her husband continue to be suspect.  The "chanting" and saying Jackie looked like she was doing a "tribal dance" when she was flinging paint all over the logo ... that left my mouth gaping.

Australians can be shocking with their cluelessness about racial sensitivity. Remember it was Andrea and Lydia who bought war bonnets as housewarming gifts for Jackie and Ben, then everyone freely used the whole Chinese whispers thing after demongate, and then Jackie called herself a wog at the ladies lunch and Janet didn't recoil in horror at the use of the slur. I imagine tribal dancing and chanting are par for the course with these folks. Recently, there was a news story about an Australian coffee shop owner who refused to hire a qualified black barista because high end coffee was more of a white thing and his customers would not appreciate having a black barista. The owner repeated this when the news inquired.

[Neurochick]

I still say that too much make up can mess up your skin, especially if you were it every day and if you don't take it all off every time you wear it.  Gina probably uses a good moisturizer underneath it all, at least I hope she does.  I'd still like to see what she looks like underneath it all.  To me, her saying she never wears flats isn't anything to be proud of.  All I kept thinking was, "her poor feet."

[EtheltoTillie]

A few more things I noted:

Jackie's hair was a hot mess when she came in for the confab with Andrea.  She just needed to run a comb through it.

 

That Jackson Pollack wannabe painting was really atrocious.

 

I wonder if that art that Lydia was looking at was really respected. I wonder if the artist is just having fun at the expense of rich collectors with Emperor's New Clothes syndrome--although I like "contemporary" art and its oddities--in a museum.  It was interesting that she thought the price was reasonable at $50,000 and $75,000 respectively.  The US dollar and the Australian dollar are approximately equal now, so that is not cheap.  She's just humblebragging, I guess.

 

Andrea was just insane with her nanny charts.  I can't believe those nannies don't quit after a week.  She did not understand that she was being mocked for her cluelessness.  She seems to have no relationship with her children.

Edited August 26, 2014 by GussieK

[archer1267]

The irony in Jackie sniffing at the women at the lunch 'who probably married their millions'.  As opposed to making it as a psychic?

 

 

Yeah really! I thought that comment was pretty rich. I don't suppose the Porsche Cayenne she was driving was paid for by her psychic readings? Who knows, maybe she rented it for that day's shoot ;-)

 

I did soften towards Jackie a bit in this interview, though, in which she admits to taking the piss out of herself.

[Duke2801]

Yeah really! I thought that comment was pretty rich. I don't suppose the Porsche Cayenne she was driving was paid for by her psychic readings? Who knows, maybe she rented it for that day's shoot ;-)

 

I did soften towards Jackie a bit in this interview, though, in which she admits to taking the piss out of herself.

 

She is more likeable in that interview.

[EtheltoTillie]

I always feel that Jackie should know the answers to some of her questions based her alleged psychic abilities. I wish someone would question this.

Of course I am operating from a position of skepticism. I'm not a believer. Just wish we could tweak her. Hey Jackie why don't you know what [fill in tne blank] is thinking.

I recently saw the new Woody Allen movie, about a medium and a debunker. It's a lot of fun.

[politichick]

I don't think mind reader and psychic are meant to be the same thing -- not that i believe in either.

[QuinnM]

 

I don't think mind reader and psychic are meant to be the same thing -- not that i believe in either.

 

I doubt mind reader's make near the millions that psychic's do.

[Mya Stone]

Ugh, Andrea. I can't even begin to begin with all the things wrong with her. That hair at the party was hideous. Her face and attitude at her meeting with working mothers was a hilarious travesty. She's so out of touch with reality. What a shit-stirring control freak. 

 

Also - what is up with that blue glitter outfit in some of her talking heads? She has ZERO leg to stand on with how she responds to how Gina presents herself. She's a hot mess - I guess she doesn't have a "deep condition hair" or "meet with stylist and/or optometrist" slot on her daily checklist. 

[sasha206]

Lord have mercy, is anyone else as distracted by the bad eyebrows on these women?  Jackie's look like someone applied them via a sharpie while drunk.  The rest of them have strange arches.  

 

Andrea is ugly inside and out.  Somehow she thinks being married to a plastic surgeon makes her the end all, be all and that every woman is jealous of her.  She's unattractive and has no personality.

[QuinnM]

You know that the people I know that have used nannys say that you need to make sure you know what you are hiring.  If you hire a nanny there are these nanny rules about what the nanny does and doesn't do.  The nanny does NOT do your dishes., does NOT clean you house, does NOT run your errands.  The nanny takes care of the children.  Their clothes, their food, their dishes, their lives.  Don't even start me on the baby nurse cuz those people LEAVE when the baby reaches a certain age.  

 

So not sure who she is hiring but they are family helpers and not nannys.  I'm sure there are some nannys out there watching this show and screaming at the tv.

[Duke2801]

Oh I do so dearly hope that one of Andrea's nannys/housekeepers/personal chefs/personal assistants* decides to write a "tell all" book.  

 

I think it would sell more copies than Andrea's ridiculous "parenting" (and I DO use that word loosely) book. 

 

*this is all the same person, natch.

[pasdetrois]

I'm watching this version of the housewives genre because these women are older and so far we don't have any table flipping or hair pulling. (Gag.) And I"m fascinated by Australia.

 

Andrea's preferred hairstyling tool appears to be an egg beater.

 

She probably had her children for child support, in case her marriage fails. It's the latest career path for some bourgeoise wannabes. She sure doesn't appear to be bonded with them or spend any time with them.

 

I hear distinctions in the accents. Can someone explain them? For example, is Lydia's accent a regional one? She really works the vowels and r's.

[QuinnM]

I hear distinctions in the accents. Can someone explain them? For example, is Lydia's accent a regional one? She really works the vowels and r's.

I remember the Kath and Kim series had these very 'posh' clerks in a kitchen store. Some of these accents sound like the 'posh' clerks. None seem to sound like Kath and Kim.

[MiamiGuy]

Australians can be shocking with their cluelessness about racial sensitivity. Remember it was Andrea and Lydia who bought war bonnets as housewarming gifts for Jackie and Ben, then everyone freely used the whole Chinese whispers thing after demongate, and then Jackie called herself a wog at the ladies lunch and Janet didn't recoil in horror at the use of the slur. I imagine tribal dancing and chanting are par for the course with these folks. Recently, there was a news story about an Australian coffee shop owner who refused to hire a qualified black barista because high end coffee was more of a white thing and his customers would not appreciate having a black barista. The owner repeated this when the news inquired.

Not to defend Ben and "Chinese whispers" but this isn't quite the whole story. The bar owner was a Chinese citizen (not Australian) and there was so much outrage after it got out what happened to the black guy (a Brazilian but naturalized Australian citizen) that the bar was egged and flour bombed, employees quit, the Facebook page was overwhelmed with angry comments and people stopped patronizing the place. It's now closed -- after just several days of a boycott. You can read more about it here:

 

http://ugc.news.com.au/national/nsw-act/darlinghurst-cafe-forbes-burton-believed-to-have-closed-after-antiracist-hate-campaign/story-fnii5s3x-1227036257715

 

But, yeah, the wearing of Native American headdresses needs to stop.

Edited August 28, 2014 by MiamiGuy

[sasha206]

This hot mess is quickly becoming my new favorite HW show, since NJ is such a snoozefest this season. 

 

I like Gina, and I loved that nasty Andrea was not able to chase her away at the birthday party. I also love that the editors spliced in the clip of Ben being the one to start shit at the party, not Gina. 

 

Loved Andrea's focus group of confused mums who did not support her theory that the key to raising children is to get an indentured servant (I mean nanny) and work them until they quit or you fire them. 

 

Janet seems so frail, which is no surprised since I guess her ex was a real asshole. I absolutely believe that "date" was a total set up. No way did she bang him. 

 

I enjoyed Jackie's THs, especially when she said she couldn't keep all the HW books straight. 

 

Lydia and her art cracked me up. She is an idiot, plain and simple. 

 

Lydia is a fucking moron!  Not to mention for someone who wants to be an interior designer she has no style, no taste.  That ski chalet was awful.

[Jessie Q]

Jackie and her husband "painting" was like something out of an AbFab episode.

[Duke2801]

Andrea's preferred hairstyling tool appears to be an egg beater.

 

 

*dead*

[sasha206]

Jackie and her husband "painting" was like something out of an AbFab episode.

 

It was!

 

And the thing is the artwork looked great with a little bit of the pink splatter.  But then they buried the original artwork and it looked terrible.

[SunshineOnMe]

The painting was ruined IMO. Maybe fun to do, but not usable for a real logo. The artist looked horrified lol.

[MiamiGuy]

The whole liquor line thing seems contrived. Does anyone know if their line of tequilas or whatever came out?

 

While I usually find the Housewives shows a test of patience, this one makes me laugh. Maybe it's the accents? I am a sucker for a good Aussie accent. Are they filming a second season? Did they do a reunion?

 

And I wonder why Bravo is burning this one off by showing it on Sunday mornings and not giving it a regular slot. It's at least as deserving as "Ladies of London" or "Extreme Guide to Parenting." So many questions.

 

An addendum to the racism discussion, that aforementioned barista in Sydney who wasn't hired because he was black was inundated with job offers and has accepted one. And I assume the offending cafe owner is on his way back to Shanghai with a failed business and an expensive lesson learned. http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/black-barista-nilson-dos-santos-finds-work-after-being-refused-job-at-darlinghurst-cafe-20140828-109g0a.html

 

As clueless as the Melbourne women may be regarding race and culture, they're not (yet) as bad as the OC's Vicki and her awful comment about a Chinese client or Atlanta's Phaedra saying that white people only eat canned food. Ah, but the season is young. I'm sure there will be many moments of awful behavior ahead. Shine, shine, shine!

[Duke2801]

Are they filming a second season? Did they do a reunion?

 

 

Yes and yes.

[CatMomma]

Lydia is NOT smart, but there are worse things, like being a nasty know it all like Gina.  I wish someone would ask her how many hours it takes to clean that shit off her face.  If she keeps painting her face like that, by the time she's fifty or sixty, her skin will be like shoe leather.

 

Seriously. How does she not have pimples on every centimeter of her face?  What is the weather like in Melbourne?  I only ask because I live in Texas, which I always assumed had weather like Australia, and if I wore that much eye makeup, I'd be blind by the end of the day.  My entire face would be a pile of goo.

 

I'm just waiting for Gina to say, "Why don't you just light your tampon and blow your box apart."  That would be awesome.

[Jessie Q]

http://www.lamascara.com/our-range/

[sasha206]

Chyka and her husband seem sweet, but o.m.g. I was so BORED during their segment.  Ditto for Jackie and Ben's painting.  I was seething at Comcast for not letting me fast-forward through those segments, even On-Demand. 

 

Ha, I know what you mean!  But I do love Chyka and her husband.  Her husband is adorable.

[wallnut]

Jackie and Ben absolutely ruined that beautiful painting and the artist looked horrified. That's not something he whipped up in minutes only to be ruined by those two vapid ding dongs.

 

Janet looks a good 10-15 years older than she is due to the plastic surgery. Such a shame. 

 

Overall I like how understated their wealth is. The ski condo was very modest. Their homes in general seem modest. Their style is very 80's and tacky which cracks me up. It's a nice refreshing change from the wealth or 'wealth' of the other HWives franchises. I also like how they're not all anorexic with bolt on boobs. They all seem to have real bodies which is refreshing too. I'm really enjoying the show. I like how they aren't all jaded (yet) and criminal (yet) and fake (yet) like the ones we have become accustomed to. Andy needs to get there stat for a reunion show! I want to see Gina taken to task for what she said about not believing what Jackie says - which is on camera. Rookie move for a barrister. 

I'd like to see franchises from Dubai and Hong Kong for some diversity and glimpses into wealth in other cultures. 

[technorebel]

http://www.lamascara.com/our-range/

 

No matter what date I enter, I get the message "You are not over 18.  Please leave the site."   Oh, well, I wasn't going to buy any, anyway.

[SistaLadybug]

I want to see Gina taken to task for what she said about not believing what Jackie says - which is on camera. Rookie move for a barrister. 

 

I think Gina is telling the truth.  What we saw was Gina say, "I don't believe anything she says.  Well ... not *anything*.  She obviously has *some* validity." (Or something like that.  That's not a direct quote.)  She then went on to say that she thinks whatever true information Jackie has comes from somewhere demonic (in other times, she's called it "Mischief", which is the same thing, IMO).

 

What Lydia told Jackie was that Gina said, "I don't believe a word that comes out of her mouth."  Which isn't exactly right and she didn't go on to explain that Gina then said that she did think Jackie had some validity, Gina just didn't trust the source.

 

The point for me is that if Jackie believes in her "powers" and trusts the source from which she gets her information, why does she care what Gina thinks?  No one is obligated to believe in or trust psychics.  You would think that she would've met many skeptics over the years and certainly ones nastier to her than Gina has ever been.