S05.E05: False Starts And False Promises

[Granny58]

On 1/8/2022 at 11:24 AM, Colfrmb said:

 I’d be looking at him trying to figure out if it’s just the angle or the lighting.  

LOL

On 1/8/2022 at 11:24 AM, Colfrmb said:

I feel so bad for Gino but he is aware of his predicament and how to deal with it.

I had some respect for Gino last night when he stood up to the money grab.  A glimmer of hope for him!

[Kid]

1 hour ago, bichonblitz said:

You are there to sexually please him, and he will never go downtown on you if that's what you are looking for. It's always going to be wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. Don't ask me how I know this. 

Testify!!   Does not fit the mindset.  Women are not expected to enjoy sex. In fact if they do, they are whores. That’s why I commented that I don’t understand why they pick up men from this culture.

[Jeanne222]

1 hour ago, Drogo said:

I’m going to say Caleb is an atypical dude bro with fboi tendencies.  Every word out of his mouth is accompanied by 150 other stupid useless words.  Has anyone even asked him why he raided the 1992 World Wrestling Federation storage unit and stole their pants? 

If he thought enough to get her a baby carrier and he thought enough about sex to bring a bunch of condoms with him, a reasonable guy would’ve thought a little about the physics, and considered Maybe I Should Ask Her To Enlighten Me On How This Works. 
 

He’s a shit who thinks this makes him look good.  There’s probably an in-person douchebag aura  that made Elijah and Maria instantly dislike him.  

Actually I would like to know 'how it all works'.  Things I ponder.

[Adeejay]

2 hours ago, Stuckathome said:

I forget which season, or his name, but remember the guy who went to Colombia and teh girl barely wanted to give him the time of day? Like, they met once, she bounced and stood him up all the other times he wanted to meet up. So, he contacted a second woman who he had been chatting with online who was also Colombian, conveniently leaving out that he originally was meeting up with the first lady. The second one traveled like 2 or 3 hours by bus to meet up with him and yeah, they banged the first night and she went on an on about OMG he is so serious about me! he flew all the way here to meet me! LOL....he did eventually come clean

That was Ricky from Ohio.  Seems the whole thing was for publicity because his ex-wife was also involved.  He eventually hooked up with a woman named Ximena.  She was the one who said that he used her and that it was all a scam.   

[1011101010001]

1 hour ago, magemaud said:

She varies between speaking English VERY slowly, as if that will make him understand (ex. "Why...do...you...ejaculate...so...fast?") to speaking like a cavewoman, "No mother, no angry?" 

I took four years of a foreign language and never learned the word for ejaculate.  Why would she think he would know that?

[1011101010001]

56 minutes ago, Breedom said:

I agree, he should have bought something while shopping.

I couldn’t figure out whether he had both forgot his wallet and he thought $500 was too much or he was just straight up lying about the wallet.  Dude carries a backpack and a fanny pack but doesn’t keep the wallet in either?

[Granny58]

5 hours ago, Tango64 said:

Okay, I have to call it quits on this show. I was trying to stay with it just for the hate watching, but watching Memphis interrogate this young Muslim guy about his sexual performance on their first night together (disrespecting his mother) and repeatedly asking him if that's the way he normally ejaculates ...... ugh, just gross.

Who does that? Who expects the first time to be like a porn movie, then berates and criticizes your partner if he got a little too excited the first time? Take it as a fucking compliment and stop asking what you can expect of his future ejaculation patterns.

Some of these people are just disgusting excuses for human beings. I feel dirty watching them. Had to turn it off after that scene.

I think I'm in the minority but I find Memphis to be quite skanky.  And that conversation about his quick performance was cringey.   

[1011101010001]

I have a feeling when Caleb takes a pass on a relationship Alina will say he just used her for sex.

[Granny58]

4 hours ago, deedee2 said:

A little romantic kissing is nice, but I really, really don't want to see a sloppy on-the-bed makeout session with slurpy sound effects. I literally averted my eyes when Caleb and Alina started getting into it. And next week's teaser: "I took a ride on his disco stick". I mean ... eww. 

I was saying to my cat next to me on the bed "oh no, this is going to be a porno, oh no, stop.  No, stop!"  

4 hours ago, deedee2 said:

Maybe I'm just old.

with age comes wisdom.  (usually).  maybe these ladies just need more ageing.  

[seacliffsal]

Mike's experiences should really be a wake-up call that one should really find out everything they can before getting involved in an online scam er relationship.  The lies and deceptions are piling up even as he spends time with the family he supports.  Ximena has a background that includes some very dangerous people/groups.  And, they may even have all of Mike's information.  Fortunately he has a camera crew with him, otherwise there could be some real safety concerns.  I even wonder if there will be real pressure placed on him to bring Ximena to the U.S.  Yeah, sometimes the fantasy turns into something else that could be quite dangerous.

All of these participants have various fantasies in their minds as they pursue their "true loves" and it is interesting to see their behaviors change as they realize maybe, just maybe, the reality doesn't quite match the fantasy.  Kim, Memphis, Ellie, and Caleb are all just beginning to understand the differences.  Not sure about Geno.

It saddens me that Johnny sees this as his best option to get married again.  But, I could see Chinese women as having a lot of options for marriage as men outnumber them to a huge degree.  

Alina continues to bother me-which makes me feel conflicted as I want to have empathy for her due to her disability, but her attitude and demand for sex turn me off.  I wonder if Caleb was conflicted his entire time in Turkey.  Someone posted that if he saw her video he would understand her situation, but I'm not so sure.  There were a lot of quick cuts and just showing her in a wheelchair doesn't really convey her needs and stature.  

Memphis and her "his mom is divorced so she should understand" just shows her cultural limitations.  His mom does understand how hard it is to be divorced in their culture and wants to ensure it doesn't happen to her son.  I don't see how Memphis doesn't understand the huge cultural differences between what she is used to and what Hazan has experienced (and probably expects).

Gee Geno, maybe you should have packed your nice shorts... Not packing a better outfit for going out and meeting people is just selfish-there are plenty of comfortable clothes that look nice.

Oh well, I must just be old and cranky and don't understand the romance of sacrificing everything to go and meet the love of one's life...

[Granny58]

2 hours ago, magemaud said:

She varies between speaking English VERY slowly, as if that will make him understand

honestly, it would help me understand a foreign language (assuming I had some lessons as it appears Hamza has had) if they spoke slowly.  Give me time to interpret the words.  

[Welshman in Ca]

3 minutes ago, seacliffsal said:

Mike's experiences should really be a wake-up call that one should really find out everything they can before getting involved in an online scam er relationship.  The lies and deceptions are piling up even as he spends time with the family he supports.  Ximena has a background that includes some very dangerous people/groups.  And, they may even have all of Mike's information.  Fortunately he has a camera crew with him, otherwise there could be some real safety concerns.  I even wonder if there will be real pressure placed on him to bring Ximena to the U.S.  Yeah, sometimes the fantasy turns into something else that could be quite dangerous.

 

I can't remember if it was Eczema or Jasmine who when told that the guy was calling back home exclaimed "Oh, someone knows where you are?" made me think oh shit, someone may have escaped being sold for body parts there.

[Frozendiva]

1 hour ago, Ucross said:

I'm post-menopause, but when I was fertile, men were terrified I'd get preggers and so I got little action. Do men actually want to have children? That certainly wasn't my experience. Everyone I met assumed I was trying to trap them into marriage, when that was not at all the case. I was always on birth control.

The ones on this show seem to want kids, hence looking for a wife from another country. Hence 90 Day ‘Fiancé’. Otherwise they would be going on vacation and having fun. Many dudes don’t want to pay child support for 18 years via a fling with a random woman.

[Mondrianyone]

19 minutes ago, Granny58 said:

maybe these ladies just need more ageing.  

In an oak barrel. Over a waterfall.

2 hours ago, magemaud said:

She varies between speaking English VERY slowly, as if that will make him understand

Makes me think of the early SNL skits, where Garrett Morris used to play an interpreter for the deaf by just repeating everything in a scream.

16 minutes ago, seacliffsal said:

There were a lot of quick cuts and just showing her in a wheelchair doesn't really convey her needs and stature.  

I was pretty sure that in one of those quick shots from a music video she had on what looked like prosthetic lower legs. So it may be entirely possible that Caleb didn't know the extent of her physical differences. His surprise at first seeing her in the flesh certainly seemed genuine.

And I don't know how to say this so it doesn't sound insensitive, but she keeps repeating how she wants the fairy tale, and for romance to be perfect and normal. Those things rarely work out that smoothly for those of us who don't have significant challenges and deformities. A wiser person might not set such unrealistic goals for herself--and for another person who's just coming to grips with what he's expected to deal with so casually.

[Frozendiva]

52 minutes ago, Welshman in Ca said:

I can't remember if it was Eczema or Jasmine who when told that the guy was calling back home exclaimed "Oh, someone knows where you are?" made me think oh shit, someone may have escaped being sold for body parts there.

I usually tell someone if I am traveling and give a location. It may be my boss, a family member, friend.

[FrancescaFiore]

Someone on Reddit said this and I have to agree: it made me happy to see that even in other countries, people point out cows and moo at them. 🤣🐄❤

Edited January 10, 2022 by FrancescaFiore

[Boo Boo]

3 hours ago, Drogo said:

I’m going to say Caleb is an atypical dude bro with fboi tendencies.  Every word out of his mouth is accompanied by 150 other stupid useless words.  Has anyone even asked him why he raided the 1992 World Wrestling Federation storage unit and stole their pants? 

If he thought enough to get her a baby carrier and he thought enough about sex to bring a bunch of condoms with him, a reasonable guy would’ve thought a little about the physics, and considered Maybe I Should Ask Her To Enlighten Me On How This Works. 
 

He’s a shit who thinks this makes him look good.  There’s probably an in-person douchebag aura  that made Elijah and Maria instantly dislike him.  

I don't think he's a fuck boi, but I do believe he thinks by being with her, people will view him as some sort of enlightened man who looks beyond a person's disabilities and want to cannonize him. I'm sure that's what he gets off on.

Edited January 10, 2022 by Boo Boo

[lamujerdecente]

4 hours ago, FrancescaFiore said:

Okay, so I'm glad Alina finally got some but the media is acting like it was "too much." I just read an article talking about how the lights needed to go off sooner. Why? Because she's little? WTF? My only complaint is in the preview for next week. "I rode his disco stick?" Alina, come on. If you're adult enough to have the sex, you're adult enough to talk about it like one.

Oh, Mike. Mike, Mike, Mike.  RUN. Those waterfalls sure were pretty, though. And Ximena's kids are adorbs. But no. No Bueno. No Mas. Vamos.

Gino, same. Jasmine is unbalanced. Although she was right about the Christmas gift. Of course, hers to him weren't really much better. Those t shirts were the equivalent of a shock dog collar. The pillow was basically her pissing on his bed to mark her territory.  Also, while I've never had a stylist burn my hair, and I don't know how I would react, I'm 100% sure it wouldn't be physical assault. Vamos, Gino, vamos.

Memphis is a mess. Why does she talk to Hamza like she's the horny Cookie Monster? "Why you come fast? Me no like. Coooooookie?" At least Mike had the presence of mind to use a translation app. Memphis is just using her boobs & hoo-ha. And that don't translate into much.

Ella sweetie, losing 10 lbs is a spit in the ocean. I know because when I was super heavy, I dropped 20lbs and it was barely noticeable. And Johnny, your adorable lil herbs are no match for our mighty American trans fats. Y'all doomed. Even yo mama knows it.

Next week, a bonus embedded episode of Catfish, sans Nev! 

 

 

In bed with the dreaded Plague- baby daddy came from NYC to deliver the child took his trifling ass to the beach for some party times then came back to say goodbye and now has tested positive. I am fully Vaxed and boosted but I have been lethargic and night sweats. 

I think he deserves a little jasmine. Speaking of that crazy heifer, I had my hair burned when I used to straighten the curls. I never beat the hair dryer, the blower or my stylists. Then again I got ny hair done at the Dominican Salons of NYC everyone including the hair dryer would fight back. 
 

sigh Xiemina. I still pity her because her life was never going to be easy but at the same time Mike doesn’t deserve her scams. Her kids are so cute. Run mike. If Xiemina wants a short desperate dude there is always Ed. 
I am annoyed that Alina and her friend made me feel slightly bad for Caleb. But then I caught sight of his shirt. Shudders. 

[PinkFlamingo]

Gino is a perfect example of just because it is the weather for it, not everyone should wear shorts. And those sandals ick. I agree that he could use at least one outfit that fits. He is even bad at wearing that stupid hat. Get a fitted hat, or if he is really that insecure he should have gotten a toupee and got it over with. Somehow he is the cringiest one to me. 

[JeanJean]

43 minutes ago, lamujerdecente said:

In bed with the dreaded Plague- baby daddy came from NYC to deliver the child took his trifling ass to the beach for some party times then came back to say goodbye and now has tested positive. I am fully Vaxed and boosted but I have been lethargic and night sweats. 

I think he deserves a little jasmine. Speaking of that crazy heifer, I had my hair burned when I used to straighten the curls. I never beat the hair dryer, the blower or my stylists. Then again I got ny hair done at the Dominican Salons of NYC everyone including the hair dryer would fight back. 
 

Hope you feel better soon!

Jasmine has issues (possibly from abuse) and needs anger management. I hope she gets it. I also hope that guy banned her from the salon but he seems too charmed to have done that. I'm sorry about any abuse but you're not a puppy, Jasmine.

I'm one of those who has empathy for Ximina. (Not sure of spelling.) She's a young woman with young children in what seems to be a desperate situation, but it's also wrong to use Mike. I hope they can work it out so they are all safe AND happy.

Edited January 10, 2022 by JeanJean

[Boo Boo]

Ella looked ridiculous in that blonde wig.

I would bet that Johnny really digs big women and he has no interest in making her diet, but that's the storyline they were told to go with to create some sort of drama when he gets here.

Meanwhile, his fat friend making jokes about Ella?  That she'd suffocate him during sex?  Fuck that guy he looked almost as fat as Ella.

[JeanJean]

5 minutes ago, JeanJean said:

whups

 

 

Edited January 10, 2022 by JeanJean
quoted instead of editing, sorry

[1011101010001]

30 minutes ago, JeanJean said:

Alina has issues (possibly from abuse) and needs anger management. I hope she gets it. I also hope that guy banned her from the salon but he seems too charmed to have done that. I'm sorry about any abuse but you're not a puppy, Alina.

I think you mean Jasmine.

[JeanJean]

8 minutes ago, MrBuhBye said:

I think you mean Jasmine.

Yes, you're right! Thanks! I'll fix it.

39 minutes ago, JeanJean said:

 

 

3 minutes ago, JeanJean said:

 

 

 

Edited January 10, 2022 by JeanJean

[Frozendiva]

Hamza’s mother was speaking to him in French. Memphis could have taken an introductory conversational course.

[Granny58]

52 minutes ago, lamujerdecente said:

In bed with the dreaded Plague- baby daddy came from NYC to deliver the child took his trifling ass to the beach for some party times then came back to say goodbye and now has tested positive. I am fully Vaxed and boosted but I have been lethargic and night sweats. 

get well soon.  be strong. 

[greekmom]

I was wondering if Alina set up her friends to interrogate Caleb.

She seems pretty pushy herself.

At least as per next week, she gushes she rode Caleb disco stick. Well at least she's happy.

[Granny58]

6 minutes ago, Frozendiva said:

Hamza’s mother was speaking to him in French. Memphis could have taken an introductory conversational course.

could have...of course.  But do they ever?

[Anonysaurus]

5 hours ago, Baltimore Betty said:

No, he was the one with the edible panties and the romantic dinner for two at a resort in Mexico that he ate all alone, SNL did a skit about it with Will Farrell, hilarious!

 

I do not think he has the savior complex as much as he would like to send her good vibes and prayers via Zoom and keep his life just as it is.

Ricky?

[Frozendiva]

I wouldn’t want to rely on using a translator app.

[JeanJean]

14 minutes ago, greekmom said:

I was wondering if Alina set up her friends to interrogate Caleb.

 

I think the producers and the show set it up, because it seems the friends of everyone on the show rudely do this. American friends always ask if they just want to get to America - as if no one ever likes their own country even if it's not here. 

Edited January 10, 2022 by JeanJean

[Anonysaurus]

2 minutes ago, JeanJean said:

I think the producers and the show set it up, because it seems the friends of everyone on the show rudely do this. American friends always ask if they just want to get to America - as if no one ever likes their own country even if it's not here. 

Is it too off-topic to mention that on every season of Love After Lockup the person on the outside mentions that their significant other is getting out of prison. They tell bartenders, people are furniture stories, boutiques . . . totally randomly. Random person: "Hi". Couple: "Yeah, I'm getting some clothes for my girlfriend. She gets out of prison in 2 says." 

[Anonysaurus]

Jasmine said something about how she already "had kids" and "knew" what a commitment it was, like they were older and had graduated school . . . but I thought her kids were young? Like, her youngest wasn't even 10?

It almost seemed like Jasmine was encouraging her friend to say something negative about Gino but he didn't. He obviously needs to take lessons from Alina's friends.

[magemaud]

5 hours ago, bichonblitz said:

I think the only reason he decided to meet her in person is because the show contacted him about doing it and he probably thought, Hey, why not? I get a free trip to Turkey and some TV notoriety! I don't know how TLC finds these people but someone applied for the gig

I believe Caleb and Alina cooked up the idea of being on the show between them then contacted TLC with audition videos of their "story." I'll bet the "little person" angle caught the attention of TPTB and they were invited to participate. I also think the couples are getting more and more outrageous because TLC has learned that a unique "hook", unusual scenarios and crazy participants are ratings gold. 

Edited January 11, 2022 by magemaud

[bichonblitz]

8 hours ago, Breedom said:

She's okay looking, but I'm afraid I don't see what other people are seeing

I agree, I don't think any of the Family Hamza are any more than average. 

[magemaud]

3 hours ago, MrBuhBye said:

Dude carries a backpack and a fanny pack but doesn’t keep the wallet in either?

I thought that the "he left his wallet at the hotel" story was Jasmine's excuse to the saleswoman to explain why they weren't taking the clothing with them. 

[magemaud]

3 hours ago, Granny58 said:

I think I'm in the minority but I find Memphis to be quite skanky. 

I agree. She's just a better educated Brittany, IMO. 

[magemaud]

3 hours ago, Welshman in Ca said:

I can't remember if it was Eczema or Jasmine who when told that the guy was calling back home exclaimed "Oh, someone knows where you are?"

It was Ximena when Mike's father called his phone (probably to make sure he had landed safely, etc.) 

[kirklandia]

2 hours ago, FrancescaFiore said:

Someone on Reddit said this and I have to agree: it made me happy to see that even in other countries, people point out cows and moo at them. 🤣🐄❤

So funny, my daughter and I were just talking about this exact thing yesterday. when we were reminiscing about Sniglets, (a series of books by comedian Rich Hall, featuring made-up words that should be in the dictionary but are not).  

Edited January 11, 2022 by kirklandia

[1011101010001]

1 hour ago, Anonysaurus said:

Jasmine said something about how she already "had kids" and "knew" what a commitment it was, like they were older and had graduated school . . . but I thought her kids were young? Like, her youngest wasn't even 10?

It almost seemed like Jasmine was encouraging her friend to say something negative about Gino but he didn't. He obviously needs to take lessons from Alina's friends.

I think she used the past tense because she didn’t have custody of either one currently.  One lived with his dad and the other lived with the maternal grandmother.

23 minutes ago, magemaud said:

I thought that the "he left his wallet at the hotel" story was Jasmine's excuse to the saleswoman to explain why they weren't taking the clothing with them. 

I think he said it to her and she repeated it but believed him.

12 minutes ago, kirklandia said:

So funny, my daughter and I were just talking about this exact thing yesterday. when we were reminiscing about Sniglets, (a series of books by comedian Rich Hall, featuring made-up words that should be in the dictionary but are not).  

 But do they engage in cow tipping?

[Mondrianyone]

32 minutes ago, MrBuhBye said:

But do they engage in cow tipping?

Imagine how mad Jasmine would get if Gino tipped a cow?

(The mad cow reference is your free bonus humor.)

[Wollstonecraft]

This is the most ugh group of people for this show yet.  I swear every one of them should be in a traveling carnival.  Dishonesty, secrets, sex, etc.  I never seen so many desperate people.  Memphis is tossing her professional side in the gutter to get a stud to service her from dusk to dawn, her kids will get flak for her behavior.  Eczema and her shady life.  Her little "tomato" needs to return home asap.  I don't care for creepy Caleb, but Alina is cringedy along with her interrogation team.  She's a frickin adult, why can't she ask the questions directly to Caleb? I don't see one couple making it far.

[Gobi]

3 minutes ago, Wollstonecraft said:

I don't see one couple making it far.

I think Jasmine has her eye on the prize and will go for marriage. At her age and with two kids, her options in Panama are limited. As soon as possible, of course, she will get a divorce.

[deedee2]

1 hour ago, kirklandia said:

So funny, my daughter and I were just talking about this exact thing yesterday. when we were reminiscing about Sniglets, (a series of books by comedian Rich Hall, featuring made-up words that should be in the dictionary but are not).  

OMG, I thought I was the only person on Earth who remembered Sniglets. The only ones I can recall are "Alfred Hitchcooking" - stabbing at a block of frozen vegetables to make them cook faster; and "Mega Nega Bar" - the line you draw on a check to prevent someone from writing, "and a thousand" dollars.

Ok, sorry for getting off topic. 

[Baltimore Betty]

1 minute ago, deedee2 said:

OMG, I thought I was the only person on Earth who remembered Sniglets.

I have that book somewhere, I still use Curb Swell and Slack Jam.

[Wollstonecraft]

7 hours ago, Baltimore Betty said:

Why would Alina call Kah-lub's dick a "disco stick?" What is a disco stick in real life, I used to go to disco's back in the day and not once was there a stick of any kind, penises yes, sticks no.

Would Kah-lub have had sex with Alina had she not pestered him in to it, I doubt it, he knows it would be sending the wrong message to her, he will be going home with no desire to have a relationship with her.  Alina is setting herself up with unrealistic expectations for a relationship with Kah-lub and she has to remember that she really forced the issue with him. Now against his wishes the relationship is no longer just a friendship and Alina will be hurt, he is not moving to Russia and he has no plans (and never had) on bringing her and her pussy with the wi fi to the US. 

Will Kah-lub try and puke the vision of having sex with Alina out of his head like Woody Harrelson in Kingpin. 

I agree.  No way is he going to be with her so good thing she thinks America is so shitty.  She's always pointing out things she doesnt like that Cale says or does.  Her twerpy pink haired comrade and the azzhat who drilled him aren't doing her any favors. When Caleb said she was a lot smaller than he imagined that said everything. He's not going to tote her around for the rest if his life.

[Mrs. Hanson]

2 hours ago, Anonysaurus said:

Is it too off-topic to mention that on every season of Love After Lockup the person on the outside mentions that their significant other is getting out of prison. They tell bartenders, people are furniture stories, boutiques . . . totally randomly. Random person: "Hi". Couple: "Yeah, I'm getting some clothes for my girlfriend. She gets out of prison in 2 says." 

"Can I get two #6's with extra fries?  My boo just got out of prison!"

Anyone else think Jasmine's kid who lives with her mom is because she got a little too corporal punishment with them?  Just me?  Okay.

The shine is wearing off for me per Alina as well  for all the reasons that have been discussed.

[FrancescaFiore]

1 hour ago, kirklandia said:

So funny, my daughter and I were just talking about this exact thing yesterday. when we were reminiscing about Sniglets

I LOVED Sniglets!

[Adeejay]

3 hours ago, Anonysaurus said:

Is it too off-topic to mention that on every season of Love After Lockup the person on the outside mentions that their significant other is getting out of prison. They tell bartenders, people at furniture stories, boutiques . . . totally randomly. 

I believe participants on reality shows are encouraged to announce their "unusual situations" just to see people's reaction. Kody from "Sister Wives" used to tell everyone he came in contact with that he has four wives.  

Given that Johnny's visa to Singapore was denied, I have a feeling we have seen the last of him and Ella.  This makes me sad, because I was looking forward to seeing him as a ranch hand/cowboy.  

[Breedom]

3 hours ago, magemaud said:

I also think the couples are getting more and more outrageous because TLC has learned that a unique "hook", unusual scenarios and crazy participants are ratings gold. 

They seem to zero in and find the most hate-able people.