Alan & Kirlyam: Beauty & The Geek

[David T. Cole]

Alan & Kirlyam

Edited May 29, 2019 by Drogo
Thread title formatting

[cassaundroll]

Oh, my!  Alan must've been seething offstage...

[Marigny]

Surprised that she's not preggo yet. 

[Jellybeans]

She seems happy with him. That surprised me!

[fliptopbox]

Even if she isn't pregnant yet I am sure they are trying. Maybe they are having fertility issues. Or she's been secretly taking birth control. Alan doesn't seem like the type to want to wait on the babies.

[Jellybeans]

Personally I think they are just taking their time. It hasn't been that long since they married. They look very happy (I was floored) and she is enjoying his family and learning about life in America. Loved the dancing clip in the car.

[silverspoons]

Is there a reason she is the only one who doesn't have her green card? The other women were all busy driving, working and living while Kirylam is sitting inside the house waiting for the green card to start her life. Maybe Alan has it hidden? Why can't Alan buy her some online computer class to learn English, she seems smart but he is holding her back from learning the language.

 

I got the impression they wanted kids as well but I think she is holding firm on getting her green card first. What is she was denied? and pregnant? I'm not sure how that works but it might be smart to wait. Mormons are ok with birth control so she is smart to wait.

 

I still find it weird that their initial meeting was most likely when she was 11. This has always made me feel weird. I know plenty of LDS missionaries that marry young women from their missions but not meeting at this age.

[cooksdelight]

It wouldn't surprise me to find out Alan is inhibiting her green card coming through. When she was modeling that day, he was about to blow his top. He likes her at home where he knows where she is, and that she's waiting on him to get there, from what was shown.

[silverspoons]

I also wondered why doesn't she has LDS friends. They obviously attend church. The relief society would welcome her and she would have a calling at church. Living in southern California there are plenty of Mormons wards with that would have members speaking her native language. I'm just surprised the church isn't doing more because the LDS church loves new members and loves getting them involved in everything. Alan has to be up to something.

[trimthatfat]

I wouldn't put it past Alan to hide the green card. I think he would have a meltdown if Kirlyam had her own life, was driving, seeing friends he didn't know well.

[TigerLily20]

My husband and I have two friends who usually come over and hang out on Sunday nights at our house and we all got into this show last season so we were watching the recap and the new season last night.  All of us had the same thought as many of you all that Alan is somehow stopping the green card process.  It is kind of odd that the other wives got their cards and there's poor Kirlyam sitting at home.

[fliptopbox]

Do you think he stopped the process completely or just hid the fact that she was approved from her? Both are shitty, but I think him knowing she technically has the card but not telling her is worse. She could be doing so much more then. I take it she cannot even drive without it?

[TigerLily20]

I would think that maybe he is delaying the process because as you said fliptopbox it would be the greater of two evils if he was hiding the green card from her, maybe he "forgot" to mail out the paper work, or is waiting until the last minute who really knows.....  As for the driving I am thinking you can't get a license without at least a green card so that may be what they are waiting for but honestly don't know the process myself.

[silverspoons]

She can drive without a green card so maybe Alan is messing with her about auto insurance or rules. I know plenty of people for other countries that just visit here and can rent a car here and drive. My mom has a friend from Germany that visits for 4 months every year and when my mom had surgery she put this person on her insurance so they could drive her to the doctor. This person was able to get a Utah DL privilege card as well.  Kirylam had a DL in her naïve country so she should be able to get an international DL here.

[cooksdelight]

I have a friend who lived here for 12 years without a green card, lived with her boyfriend. She cleaned people's houses for cash, drove a car, etc.

[mrsh]

My first thought when I saw that Kirlyam doesn't have her green card yet was " I bet Alan is either hiding it or delaying the process". I get the vibe he wants to keep her dependent on him for everything, and wouldn't be happy to have her working and interacting with people he doesn't know.

[fliptopbox]

I never really liked Alan. He put out that so caring vibe but you could tell underneath he was a control freak that would never be able to make a relationship work with an American woman (but he'd blame the woman for being "difficult" or whatever Mormon speak is for not docile). The green card situation doesn't surprise me at all, if I were Kirlyam I'd be furious. Creep.

[silverspoons]

Alan has some sort of Man School class on iTunes? It is about how to met and marry a women from another country. I can't listen to it right now(not sure if it is free or not, but it is 52 minutes for the first class). By the timeframe on his syllabus it does seem he met her at age 11-12 and then returned years later when she was over  18. It is Man school class #63.

[Jellybeans]

It takes two to make a marriage. Women and men marry for all kinds of reasons. She strikes me as someone who wants a father figure type of husband. If that is the case, she got exactly what she wants and needs. She seems very happy, so far. Alan seems to be treating her well. Isn't that a desirable result?

For the record, their marriage is not my cup of tea but that is not the point. None of these marriages are.

[joanofarch4]

Alan has always skeeved me out. 

[Adeejay]

Alan has always skeeved me out. 

 

An unattractive, socially inept guy like Alan could never get an American woman as beautiful as Kirlyam.  What I can’t get over is that he is eight years older than her and knew her for nine years before they got married.  There is a name for a 20 year old man, who is attracted to a 12 year old girl.

[crazyirishlady]

The fact that Alan is a 29 year old unmarried Morman should have been all the red flags needed.....

[Raja]

4 hours ago, crazyirishlady said:

The fact that Alan is a 29 year old unmarried Morman should have been all the red flags needed.....

As I remember Alan was the missionary who lead the family into the faith so we are lead to believe that she crushed upon him as a child. As a micro minority faith in Brazil she would have a limited pool of men and it almost seems that she was the reward in an arranged marriage sort of way. I wouldn't think that American norms would apply, nor the Anglo American norm of kids leaving the family home when married.. Red flags come from cultural assumptions which are far from universal and what the first years couples thought where going to be explored in "the documentary" that many of them mentioned in interviews. They thought that TLC was going to send a Lisa Ling only to find out the unreal producers wanted Kardasians which they got by the third season when the couples no longer had an excuse about  being fooled about what they were getting into.

[crazyirishlady]

The only reason I said it should be a red flag is that by 29, if you are an unmarried Mormon there is something wrong.  I have many Mormon friends who are way younger than that and they are all (except one)  married with children.  It is a cultural thing, they get married very young.  And to be 29 and unmarried tells me something is off that he couldn't marry an age appropriate Mormon girl.  The joke is many Mormon girls go to BYU to get their MRS degree...lol

[Raja]

Only she seemed to be the equivalent of Katie Holmes who once prominent enough jumped when her teenaged crush Tom Cruise thought okay. She had to have a limited pool of Mormon men in Brazil and her teenaged crush stayed in contact until she came of age.

[silverspoons]

On ‎8‎/‎29‎/‎2016 at 7:27 PM, crazyirishlady said:

The only reason I said it should be a red flag is that by 29, if you are an unmarried Mormon there is something wrong.  I have many Mormon friends who are way younger than that and they are all (except one)  married with children.  It is a cultural thing, they get married very young.  And to be 29 and unmarried tells me something is off that he couldn't marry an age appropriate Mormon girl.  The joke is many Mormon girls go to BYU to get their MRS degree...lol

BYU is on the outs these days, at least for Utah grads. The MRS. school is either SUU, Dixie, UVU, or USU. About 5 years ago the state of Utah gives free tuition to students who get a certain GPA to any state school. Grads are flocking to these schools now. I only saw maybe 10 kids list BYU out of over 500 grads.

I live in an almost 100% Mormon area and about 3-4 years ago the prophet at one of the conferences set out with a plan to push early marriage. Mission age was dropped to 18 so I just watched 210 boys from my son's high school graduate and go straight to the mission field. Then the church restructured singles wards and marriage is strongly pushed by 25. Most marry right after the mission. It is so crazy to watch , a 18 year old graduates from high school, 2-3 weeks later is sent on a mission and comes homes 2 years later and is married with 3-6 months. I haven't seen anyone who wanted to get married not find a spouse. Short, tall, nerdy, they all find someone and it is a fast track to marriage. There was a kid in our neighborhood, total nerd, never went on a date in his life and was married to a hot girl 7 weeks after he returned from his mission. He went to a singles mixer the week he got back and he had girls all over him since he was headed off to engineering school.

There has also been a big increase in LDS missionaries bringing back 90 day finaces . In my cu-de-sac of 8 homes, there are 3 missionaries that brought back spouses. The last one shocked me since I knew the young women so well, watching her grow up. She would have had no issues finding a spouse locally. She was tall, pretty, athletic, great family, great education and she came home from central America with young man who was a recent convert and they married within 60 days. I have wonder why the LDS church is allowing so much romance on missions since it is a HUGE no-no to even talk alone with someone of the opposite sex that is single?

Alan's case has always bothered me. He lived in CA. If he had a job and was a faithful member, there should have been no reason that by 29 he could not find someone. I really think he enjoys the control.

[TigerLily20]

I just watched TLCs little update thing they are doing now for some of the older couples.  I have to say Alan looks a lot better with the beard and I am not normally one who likes beards.  They seem to be happy and doing well : )

[Major Bigtime]

Good to hear! He seemed so controlling early on, but I realize that could also be made-for-TV drama. 

[biakbiak]

On Tuesday, August 01, 2017 at 6:35 AM, Major Bigtime said:

Good to hear! He seemed so controlling early on, but I realize that could also be made-for-TV drama. 

When they met was also troubling. But I am so crazy happy for them.

[Notstupidlikeu]

On 8/19/2014 at 9:11 AM, KillerTofu said:

I swear I saw Kirlyam in a commercial. It's an ad for Lancaster soft caramel candies, and if it ain't Kirlyam, then it's her doppelgänger.

It's more than likely her she did have a successful modeling career that took off quite quickly after she arrived here in the US.

On 9/1/2016 at 2:34 PM, silverspoons said:

BYU is on the outs these days, at least for Utah grads. The MRS. school is either SUU, Dixie, UVU, or USU. About 5 years ago the state of Utah gives free tuition to students who get a certain GPA to any state school. Grads are flocking to these schools now. I only saw maybe 10 kids list BYU out of over 500 grads.

I live in an almost 100% Mormon area and about 3-4 years ago the prophet at one of the conferences set out with a plan to push early marriage. Mission age was dropped to 18 so I just watched 210 boys from my son's high school graduate and go straight to the mission field. Then the church restructured singles wards and marriage is strongly pushed by 25. Most marry right after the mission. It is so crazy to watch , a 18 year old graduates from high school, 2-3 weeks later is sent on a mission and comes homes 2 years later and is married with 3-6 months. I haven't seen anyone who wanted to get married not find a spouse. Short, tall, nerdy, they all find someone and it is a fast track to marriage. There was a kid in our neighborhood, total nerd, never went on a date in his life and was married to a hot girl 7 weeks after he returned from his mission. He went to a singles mixer the week he got back and he had girls all over him since he was headed off to engineering school.

There has also been a big increase in LDS missionaries bringing back 90 day finaces . In my cu-de-sac of 8 homes, there are 3 missionaries that brought back spouses. The last one shocked me since I knew the young women so well, watching her grow up. She would have had no issues finding a spouse locally. She was tall, pretty, athletic, great family, great education and she came home from central America with young man who was a recent convert and they married within 60 days. I have wonder why the LDS church is allowing so much romance on missions since it is a HUGE no-no to even talk alone with someone of the opposite sex that is single?

Alan's case has always bothered me. He lived in CA. If he had a job and was a faithful member, there should have been no reason that by 29 he could not find someone. I really think he enjoys the control.

[Notstupidlikeu]

Really? I suppose all 29yo men are married then? Why should he be any different? OMGOSH!!!! Way to discriminate!

[MOMMY41]

Awwww...Alan just won big on the Price is Right...see the clip here...http://www.theashleysrealityroundup.com/2018/01/01/come-on-down-90-day-fiance-star-alan-cox-wins-big-on-the-price-is-right/

[doyouevengohere]

Now What?  If he owned a home in LA , he might have made a profit off of it and been able to quit his job and bounce around a while before deciding what to do next.  I don't think their situation is quite that dire (I think Alan had a good job and they did own a home) they quite possibly have savings and a finacial cushion, but I hope for Kirlyam they can move to Brazil so she can be near her family.  Alan's sort of creepy, but they are the least offensive 90day couple ever.  He is no where near Pol level creepy.

Edited April 19, 2019 by doyouevengohere

[Baltimore Betty]

1 hour ago, doyouevengohere said:

Now What?  If he owned a home in LA , he might have made a profit off of it and been able to quit his job and bounce around a while before deciding what to do next.  I don't think their situation is quite that dire (I think Alan had a good job and they did own a home) they quite possibly have savings and a finacial cushion, but I hope for Kirlyam they can move to Brazil so she can be near her family.  Alan's sort of creepy, but they are the least offensive 90day couple ever.  He is no where near Pol level creepy.

At least they are not pandering with a GFM account!  

[doyouevengohere]

I think they are well off, and his family is doing well.  They played up "quit his job and *gasp* he has a family", but I think the reality is they have substantial savings so he can afford to find what he really wants to do.

[silverspoons]

I have not watched their what now yet but I thought they were moving to North Carolina. Like they in the moving van and gone already?  I know that my part of Utah is getting almost as expensive as CA and many people including myself are selling houses and moving East. North Carolina is one of the 5 states I see many LDS CA/UT couples moving to . Virginia seems to be the first choice, I guess it is called the Utah of the East Coast? North Carolina, Indiana , Iowa and Nebraska are the other places. All seem t have lower cost of living, nice safer cities and growing LDS populations or at least enough for full church partciapation. 

I hope hope hope that this move gives Kirkylam some freedom to make new friends and get a life outside of his family and the church. 

[LilaFowler]

I thought that he was renting an apartment in CA, not owning. They might have savings, but if they do no one told Alan's dad. He specifically mentioned feeling pressure to support all of them. IDK, I don't think they were playing up the struggle. Alan, Kirylam and the kid had been living with his parents for a full year when they were filming this. A year.

It's not my life but I would be pissed if my husband quit his job like that. As a sole provider he has responsibilities. What are they doing for medical insurance? They have a child. I think they're crazy.

[doyouevengohere]

When they had the baby shower, they were in a house in LA.  Who knows if they owned it or not.  If they did, I imagine they got even a small profit.  If they didn't, then yeah that was stupid of him to quit his job and it was stupid of them to rent a house in LA.  Is he not working when they are in Utah at anything?   That is stupid unless they have a little cushion.

ETA: on the TLC update page about them having a baby, it does say they bought a home before having Liam.

Edited April 22, 2019 by doyouevengohere

[Christina]

I'm not sure how old he is, but here is an updated photo of their son

Google translate of the caption: 

"Stresses me to the last hair, but I love more every day ♥ ️"

[Takitaki]

On 3/29/2020 at 12:14 PM, Christina said:

I'm not sure how old he is, but here is an updated photo of their son

Google translate of the caption: 

"Stresses me to the last hair, but I love more every day ♥ ️"

Thank god he seems to resemble his mum and not dad!

[silverspoons]

On 4/22/2019 at 9:20 AM, doyouevengohere said:

When they had the baby shower, they were in a house in LA.  Who knows if they owned it or not.  If they did, I imagine they got even a small profit.  If they didn't, then yeah that was stupid of him to quit his job and it was stupid of them to rent a house in LA.  Is he not working when they are in Utah at anything?   That is stupid unless they have a little cushion.

ETA: on the TLC update page about them having a baby, it does say they bought a home before having Liam.

One thing I happy about is she is not pregnant again. I was worried she would have kid after kid. 

I do not see how he could have worked when he was in Utah. His parents live so remote, even working from home would be an issue. I live in what is considered rural Utah, but I live in a city, but I guess they consider it rural since the next city decent size city is 2 hours away. Alan's parents lived where there is no main highway access and maybe less then 50 people in the region. My daughter launched a weather balloon and it came down in an area similar to where Alan's family lived. I looked and it seemed like a 2.5 hour drive. Nope, there were no roads and mountains in the way and it took almost 7 hours, and forget about cell service. 

I bet they sold the CA house for a modest profit and then stayed with the parents while he looked for a job in a low cost of living area. A modest profit in CA goes a long way in NC when buying a house. They could have bought their new house for cash. He said he wants to work for himself so maybe they were just patient , lived with the parents and found a place to move that having a house with little or no payment meant he could maybe someday work on his own? My husband and I are looking at the same thing. We sold our Utah house for a good profit and my husband has several job offers were we could buy a home for cash or very small mortgage. We looked at NC, and housing was very reasonable and taxes were not bad, the health care and cost  was not a good fit for us so we  passed but I could see if we did not have a certain health need, NC would be a very good option. 

[mamadrama]

She is so pretty. This franchise doesn't deserve Kiralym, though I would like to see her on a reunion panel with Lisa and Angela. The comparisons would be amazing. 

[Christina]

They are expecting their second son. Kirlyam is still lovely.

 

[Frozendiva]

https://www.reddit.com/r/90DayFiance/comments/nq4p05/alan_and_kirlyam_had_another_kid/

[sagittarius sue]

14 hours ago, Frozendiva said:

https://www.reddit.com/r/90DayFiance/comments/nq4p05/alan_and_kirlyam_had_another_kid/

I loved the comment, "That baby looks like it was just forced to watch all of the Family Chantel, both seasons."