S34.E01: The British Are Coming!

[OnceSane]

Quote

Challenge superstars face off against a troop of British hopefuls in order to make their countries proud and take home their share of the million dollar prize; legendary contestant Laurel shows off her skills during the "Trench Warfare" challenge.

Airs August 28, 2019,

[RedheadZombie]

I’m over CT. 

[Lantern7]

Over an hour after the episode airs, and zero replies? That doesn't bode well. [Oops, @RedheadZombie just posted]

Basically, it's a simple premise (Americans vs. Brits) with about three dozen twists underneath the surface, ready to jump out at any moment. U.S team wins the first mission? They get first pick of the "Reinforcements" . . . and they pick Turbo over CT, sending our favorite Masshole to the UK team. It had to be a tough decision. Even beyond his peak, CT would be a good man to have on your team . . . but Turbo is a demigod. Or mythical beast. Or something else I can't think of right now.

New Tribunal system has Wes joined by returnees Laurel and Jordan to decide who goes into the "Proving Ground" among the Brits . . . and then they are able to send someone from either team in as an opponent. Some schmuck named Sean volunteers to fall upon the sword. He won Shipwrecked back home, but he looks like some random dude from the airport that BMP ambushed and forced into the game. After some drama over sending Bear or Rogan into elimination, Laurel and Jordan vote for the boxer Idris, who winds up pole wrestling Sean out of the game. The big twist revealed by Teege: if you win in the Proving Ground, you can defect to the other side. Sounds promising . . . until you realize that Challengers usually wreck twists like that all the damn time. Oh, and no one can be on back-to-back Tribunals.

First mission was brutal, with some contact. Laurel slides back into action by blocking one of the Brit girls (I think it was Georgia) from bringing her flag back to base. It wasn't brutal, but you can see that Laurel hasn't lost her edge. Also, she and Cara Maria are still at odds, which makes Laurel the possible de facto good guy . . . for now, anyway.

Lots of hooking up, CT and Josh almost come to blows,and Wes trying to convince everyone he's the smartest guy in the game. Sure, that worked for him last time . . .  but under normal circumstances, he usually falls to his doom, while Johnny jerks it in interviews. My line for Johnny courtesy of David Spade from an old Weekend Update: "Oh, look! A falling star! Make a wish!" That's Johnny. He ain't getting younger, the next generation adapts to the game quicker, and all he really has these days are the shitty, shitty things he's done in the past.

I'm still rooting for CT, but no one should lose their shit over someone from Big Brother. That's the one reality show that's a bigger garbage fire than The Challenge. Part of me wants to believe CT faked the charge to get into Josh's head . . . maybe even tipping the security guys for holding him back. I don't want to see Berzerk CT. And in the previews, we see three guys holding back Turbo. I really, really, REALLY don't want to turn against him . . .  partially because he seemed so pure winning last season, partially because he could probably kill me without making physical contact.

ETA: I forgot to mention that Bear is still a wanker. The worst parts of CT and Wes blended together, with a windowless van thrown in. When I watch and post on Facebook, and Bear acts the fool, I post this GIF. You'll have to mentally insert "Sabre Dance."

Edited August 29, 2019 by Lantern7

[BK1978]

Whomever chooses the music should learn a simple lesson.  If you are going to play House of the Rising Sun it has to be the Animals' version or nothing.  Whatever crap version was played tonight on the show was terrible.

Georgia, you are a beautiful girl.  Stop messing with losers like Josh and Bear.  You are much better than that.

Speaking of Josh, I wish CT would have knocked him out.  Josh you're not a badass and this is not Mark from Big Bother that you're dealing with now.  If you are dumb enough to mess with CT you will get what you deserve.  

I have to say Cara was looking pretty cute in those talking heads with the red hair.  Yeah I might find here highly annoying now, but that does not mean I still can't find her attractive.

Yes White Trash Ashley, your two wins were a fluke.  I hope your ass gets eliminated soon.

[Irritable]

So what exactly happened to CT physically?  He looks absolutely horrible.  I realize he’s 39, which is honestly just too old for this even in one’s best shape, but also I think he’s a smoker who drinks a fair amount and also has put on a lot of weight. But it’s more than that...he has spread out and is somehow 4 feet wide now, he’s like a hulk, but soft and doughy instead of ripped.  He looks jaundiced. His face is super puffed up, and there are dark circles under his eyes.  I worry that he’s going to have a stroke or cardiac arrest from the exertion necessary to get by in this game. Don’t waste your energy on Josh, of all fucking people. That goes for you, too, Georgia. Josh is a diaper rash that cries at the drop of a hat. He’s not an empath, he’s just a big mouthy baby. What horrible taste in men she has. Based on how much CT looks ready to keel over and be hospitalized any minute I’m not shocked the US team didn’t choose him, but OUCH. That’s a huge kick to the ego’s balls.  The man once wore Bananas as a backpack, and now he’s chopped liver. Still, picking Turbo was the smart move even if it meant shaming a living legend.

Speaking of Georgia ... she still loved Bear at the end of last season and now they don’t speak or acknowledge each other. But notice how they are just letting it be and not dragging the rest of the team into their drama and expecting people to take sides and vote each other out based on personal feelings? Take note, Cara, Paulie and Kyle, that’s how you’re supposed to do it when you’re grown ups.

No amount of money in the world can get Ashley decent hair extensions? Why doesn’t she know her hair looks like hell? Weird that they’ve had two nights in the house and hasn’t had sex yet.  Is she ok?

Sean was WAYYYYY too meek and mild for this game. Maybe being passive wins you a U.K. reality show, but these people will eat you alive, son. Nobody asked you questions about yourself and you think that was mean and unfair? Are you kidding???

Is Laurel into guys now? She’s badass and scary as usual, and I like that Jordan chose her for the tribunal instead of Tori. 

It’s hard to look at Theo on this show knowing he was just blinded in one eye with a champagne cork. Poor guy, he seems like such a genuinely good dude. 

I’m always happy to see Leroy but my expectations for him are at rock bottom. He’s just not a great competitor. 

So glad Zahida is back, I love her to death!!! I actually prefer the UK team to the US, based on personalities. Our team may be stacked, but it’s chock full of assholes.  I’d rather hang with the U.K. team socially any day. 

[toodywoody]

Why is Johnny over there turning everyone against Wes when he was talking to the other team too. Wes has to do what he has to do and Johnny bitches every times someone plays his game. I just wish he would stfu.

Leroy, cannot wait for him to fucking suck again. Cara's hair looks better short. Are her and Paulie still together? I thought they broke up. Can't wait for Ashley to hook up with someone then have a breakdown and leave. Laurel welcome back, I love you and what you have to say about everyone 

[Tachi Rocinante]

Interesting that they showed very little (if any?) of Johnny Backpack's opinions on the CT vote.

[Lantern7]

4 hours ago, toodywoody said:

Why is Johnny over there turning everyone against Wes when he was talking to the other team too. Wes has to do what he has to do and Johnny bitches every times someone plays his game. I just wish he would stfu.

Remember Johnny's credo: "Do as I say, not as I screw." If Wes launches a preemptive DM strike towards potential players in order to maximize allies, he is a no-good god-damned ginger weasel. If Johnny does it? He's playing the game.

Jordan needs to step up his nickname game. "Rat" doesn't really cover Wes that well.

[sara416]

Oh CT. I love you, but please go home and be with your wife and child. You look rough.

Go away Josh. Seriously, just go. 

I am scared of the previews because if Turbo turns into an asshole I will be devastated. I absolutely loved his commentary about Sean being a little bunny. He makes me smile. 

[OoogleEyes]

Are some of these people going to be competing well into their 40s and 50s? Probably, because this apparently, this is the only job they have 

[xfuse]

3 hours ago, sara416 said:

Go away Josh. Seriously, just go.

Josh tried the same annoying thing with Cody on Big Brother. He wanted to get hit so Cody would be sent home. Cody just used to stare at him. Said that it was nothing compared to being in the Marines. He probably would do good on the Challenge.

To me it looks like CT is taking steroids with the puffy look he got going. Johnny is close to his age and is still in good shape. Mark was in his forty doing the show in great shape.

51 minutes ago, OoogleEyes said:

Are some of these people going to be competing well into their 40s and 50s? Probably, because this apparently, this is the only job they have 

It's better than working as a waitress. The money is certainly better.

[Racj82]

1 hour ago, xfuse said:

Josh tried the same annoying thing with Cody on Big Brother. He wanted to get hit so Cody would be sent home. Cody just used to stare at him. Said that it was nothing compared to being in the Marines. He probably would do good on the Challenge.

To me it looks like CT is taking steroids with the puffy look he got going. Johnny is close to his age and is still in good shape. Mark was in his forty doing the show in great shape.

It's better than working as a waitress. The money is certainly better.

They don't have to work as a waitress. There are hundreds of other jobs.

Even if they don't want to do a regular nine to five, they have options. 

[scrb]

Either Johnny has ESP or Wes didn’t hide his alliance too well.  Actually, Joss and Rogan didn’t promise him anything.

Or maybe the producers fed Bananas the intel based on Wes’ confessional that he taped.

Or they set the whole thing up from the beginning, to have Wes contact people and then play up this story about how stacked the US team is but how divided they are internally.

[toodywoody]

5 hours ago, Lantern7 said:

Remember Johnny's credo: "Do as I say, not as I screw." If Wes launches a preemptive DM strike towards potential players in order to maximize allies, he is a no-good god-damned ginger weasel. If Johnny does it? He's playing the game.

Jordan needs to step up his nickname game. "Rat" doesn't really cover Wes that well.

See that's why I can't stand him. The girl he screwed out of money, I cannot think of her damn name, was playing the game when she voted him in, Devin plays the game by trying to take his ass out, last 2 seasons whoever was playing the game that put him in, but no one else can play the game besides him. The way I see it is that Wes is thinking ahead for when Johnny turns everyone against him and wants to put him in. The smart fucking thing to do is not to put anyone in from the US, like last year they were too busy throwing each other in to think smart. Johnny is just as fucking guilty of manipulating people into doing his dirty work and not getting his hands dirty, he does it every year, he pulls the strings and his puppets jump. At least Wes admits the shit and doesn't get pissed when he is put in and bitch and whine about it for seasons after. Wes is getting his circle going for when Johnny and his turds come for him.

[sara416]

3 hours ago, xfuse said:

Josh tried the same annoying thing with Cody on Big Brother. He wanted to get hit so Cody would be sent home. Cody just used to stare at him. Said that it was nothing compared to being in the Marines. He probably would do good on the Challenge.

I couldn't stand so many people on that BB season, but I can think of a lot of others I would rather continue to see on my screen than Josh. I was so glad he went out so quickly last season. I doubt we will ever see Cody on a challenge. I'm not even sure why he was on BB. he hated the game, hated the people, and I think he hated reality TV (despite ending up on the Amazing Race). His head would explode in a Challenge House with the drunken stupidity. 

[mojoween]

Cody on this show is exactly what would need to happen for me to quit it.

Josh was in the wrong.  I should make a macro of that.

I’m glad CT went to the UK because the ratio of people on the US side that are not heinous is criminally small.

Sean seemed like a big baby and was not cut out for this game.

[TiffanyNichelle]

Poor baby Sean, he was just too sweet for this show. It's good that he was eliminated early because they would have destroyed him. I was like Laurel, how did he win a game that was based on making social connections and then come on here and just did nothing to bond with the group?

You know, I was torn about CT. I felt bad that Team USA didn't pick him but in all honesty I probably would have picked Turbo too. I like CT more (Turbo turned me off by the end of the last challenge) but Turbo did win the last challenge and CT looks like he ate 3 CTs. BTW I don't know what Josh is thinking he's doing but dude, don't poke the CT bear. He asked you to leave. Just leave. Why argue about it? Then again that's the Challenge. Why do the rational easy thing when you can argue about stupid shit?

Johnny: Wes made it to the last finale and I've been eliminated early that last couple of times and I'm losing my influence over the group as more newbies come in so you should listen to me and not play Wes's game.

Jordan: Ok I'll play your game then!

Ugh, Jordan don't be Johnny Jr.

I thought Cara and Paulie were over?

Rogan is a stripper? I am here for this. Team UK has a lot of good looking guys. Hey, Idris!

23 hours ago, BK1978 said:

Yes White Trash Ashley, your two wins were a fluke.  I hope your ass gets eliminated soon.

God yes! She is the luckiest person on that show. I want her gone with Bear to follow right after.

[BK1978]

16 hours ago, Irritable said:

So what exactly happened to CT physically?  He looks absolutely horrible.  I realize he’s 39, which is honestly just too old for this even in one’s best shape, but also I think he’s a smoker who drinks a fair amount and also has put on a lot of weight. But it’s more than that...he has spread out and is somehow 4 feet wide now, he’s like a hulk, but soft and doughy instead of ripped.  He looks jaundiced. His face is super puffed up, and there are dark circles under his eyes.

Is Laurel into guys now? She’s badass and scary as usual, and I like that Jordan chose her for the tribunal instead of Tori. 

I’m always happy to see Leroy but my expectations for him are at rock bottom. He’s just not a great competitor. 

Yeah what was up with CT's eyes they did look odd.  I guess years of hard living are starting to catch up to him.

I thought Laurel was always openly Bisexual (Or Pansexual, I am not sure which she classifies herself as).  

I always want Leroy to do good because he seems like someone who I would be friends with in real life.  But man does he suck at this show. 

[Zima]

17 hours ago, Irritable said:

So what exactly happened to CT physically?  He looks absolutely horrible.  I realize he’s 39, which is honestly just too old for this even in one’s best shape

I have to disagree. Mark Long was 40 when he last competed, and he was in phenomenal shape. Wes and John are not too far behind CT in age, and are still in good shape. 

9 hours ago, xfuse said:

To me it looks like CT is taking steroids with the puffy look he got going. Johnny is close to his age and is still in good shape. Mark was in his forty doing the show in great shape.

Yes. Exactly. 

1 hour ago, TiffanyNichelle said:

CT looks like he ate 3 CTs

Lol! Brutal, but accurate.

I felt so bad for CT when the US team didn't pick him, but I don't blame them. I just rewatched the first Battle of the Exes, and while he did gas out at the end of that final (prob due to smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day), he was still a beast, and very attractive. Wtf happened to him? Didn't he say that he was going to come back this season in better shape? Well, that obviously didn't happen.

[luckyroll3]

15 hours ago, toodywoody said:

At least Wes admits the shit and doesn't get pissed when he is put in and bitch and whine about it for seasons after.

This is exactly why I enjoy Wes.  Johnny is, and always has been, a big ole hypocrite.

Man, Rogan is a little shit.  He couldn't even keep his mouth shut about his alliance for longer than day.  I would have thrown his ass in because he's already shown he can't be trusted.

[MaggieG]

Poor Sean, he was cute but way to nice for this show.

Ugh Ashley. I can't stand listening to her talk.

Cara looks much better shorter hair. 

[peachmangosteen]

Quote

I was like Laurel, how did he win a game that was based on making social connections and then come on here and just did nothing to bond with the group?

Sean seemed like way too decent/normal of a guy to ever bond with the low life scum they get for this show.

It usually takes me until like mid season to start hating Wes but fucking hell I'm already there. He is absolutely insufferable.

Honestly, I hate almost everyone on the US team. I'm just so completely over them all tbh.

Josh sucks, but CT came off horribly in that fight. It's like, you're a 40 year old man with a wife and child, grow up already.

[BK1978]

7 hours ago, peachmangosteen said:

Josh sucks, but CT came off horribly in that fight. It's like, you're a 40 year old man with a wife and child, grow up already.

Now wait a second, Jerry from season 10 of Big Brother was in his 70's, had grandkids and he was fighting with people.  You are never too old to make a jackass out of yourself on reality television. 

[peachmangosteen]

I think almost everyone on the US team is too old. Move on with your life already for fuck's sake!

[Steph619]

This looks like it’s going to be a good season full of drama as usual! Team USA looks to be the strongest, but their downfall will be their lack of trust. There are so many rivalries on that team like Laurel vs Cara, Johnny vs everybody, etc. They have to get it together because Team UK seems to get along really well. Plus, they’re not too shabby considering the fact that they almost won the first challenge had it not been for Laurel intervening.

If I was Team USA, I would’ve picked CT over Turbo, but obviously, Turbo is in better shape. 

As for Georgia, I wish she would realize she could do so much better in the love department!

[sabretooth]

I got stuck on MTV using "Fortunate Son" as the music overlayed on the team intros. If your theme is "War of the Worlds," why pick a noted anti-war song as your intro? Are we being trolled? 

Was that Turbo going after Paulie in the previews? Turbo could squash him like a bug!

[scrb]

Ultimately, it's never a team game, since only 3 individuals get any kind of prize money.  Or it's 3 teams of two who split the money at most.

The incentives are always to eliminate either the weak players or the strongest players who may be threats to win the finals.

If they made it a true team game, where one team gets 90 or 95% of the pot to split among say half dozen people or even more, then you don't have the allure of "a million dollars!" that people are chasing.

Would these fame whores still show up if the possible payday is $100k instead of $900k?  Yes most of them would since a lot of them haven't done anything with their careers, especially the vets.

A higher odds of winning $100k, by being one of the final 6 or final 10 on a team, would kill the drama though, so MTV isn't going to have any of that.

Alliances don't bring drama, it's the battle between alliances or players betraying their alliances which brings the drama.

[Lantern7]

@scrb . .  .I don't think Teege said how the $1million would be distributed. Maybe the team that wins the final mission splits it. Maybe individuals will be playing for that like last season. Or maybe BMP decides to cut a seven-digit check to Smashley, because she hasn't been lucky so far. 🙄

I'm also thinking "Team US" and "Team UK" will be rendered meaningless, given the Defection Twist. We might as well have "Red vs. Blue," with players potentially jumping ships.

Edited September 2, 2019 by Lantern7