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Milz

Testifying: Best litigant quotes.

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(copying over from anothet thread since they fit better over here)

 

I replayed these several times to make sure I got the quotes correct from the motocross/dog attack case:

 

I visualized a lady hitting a dog over the head with an umbrella.

No, you SAW a lady (or perhaps for these shows you SEEN a lady). (hat tip to designing1 who posted this one first)

and

 

their campers were subsequent to that car

 No, they were apparently parked BEHIND that car. And I didn't watch closed captioning so I am giving the woman the benefit of a doubt about "their" versus "there" or "they're".

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YEARS ago - I want to say around 2008 or so - there was a case about two girls getting into a fight at a nightclub. I believe it was when the defendant was telling her side of the story, she said, "And I said to her, 'You bein' nasty'." To this day, "you bein' nasty" is still used in my family. The case was on the Saturday night reruns a year or two ago, and I texted my mother to excitedly inform her THAT CASE was on.

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From the Good Antiquan Ganga case:

 

Dr. Noel Howell: "She was smoking the good weed, the strong Antiguan weed.....The good Antiguan ganga."

 

Melisa: "there were a few people who were grips."

JJ: "And what were they doing?"

Melisa: "They were setting up light stands.They handled lighting."

JJ:"I don't mean what they were doing on set. I mean what were they doing to you."

 

Halterview:

Dr. Noel: "Let me tell you all. Don't mess with the Antiguan weed! It's WICKED!" "Don't mess with the weed!"

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My Hall of Fame quote goes to Ms Shampree Rreid who was "cooking breffest nekkid while taking a baff"*.  She complained, I believe if I remember correctly, because the bacon burned her. It NEVER gets old!

 

*translated: Cooking breakfast naked while taking a bath.

Edited by Patssy Stoned
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Didn't she leave the water running in the tub too and it flooded into the apartment below?

 

 

YES! YES! YES! Thanks for refreshing my memory!

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My all-time favorite quotes come from the cheeseball case.  So, so funny.

 

JJ: "Where were the cheeseballs?"

Plaintiff: "Still buckled in the seat.  The cheeseballs were the only thing we saved from the wreck!"

Byrd: "Safety first!"

 

Anytime you can get JJ to laugh with you instead of at you is a momentous occasion.

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One of my favorites:

 

JJ: "You don't HAVE to be here, Mr. Miller! I can dismiss your case without prejudice and the plaintiff can take it to a Superior Court where they can attach your wages! Or we can continue here and you can behave in a civilized manner. What's your pleasure?"

 

Defendant: "My pleasure? Um, anything extreme: boating, snowboarding, motorcycle - -"

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LOL!  I had forgotten about most of these.  Thanks for the trip down (bad) memory lane.

 

My favorites are still the ones (mostly from MN) who say "I borrowed the money to her."

 

Yes, yes you did.

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Oooh - how could I forget my second favorite quote!

 

Plaintiff: (about property that was stolen from her): "I had credit cards in the wallet, and $300"

Defendant: "There wasn't $300 in the wallet!"

Judge Judy: "Judgement for the plaintiff in the amount of $300".

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Just heard one this morning.  An ex-wife is suing her ex-husband, and Judge Judy said, "You should have had better representation in your divorce case."

 

Litigant: "I should have never gotten married."

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I always freeze-frame the screen whenever the camera shows Judge Judy reading a text message or police report or whatever. Today (I think it was the dog head through the fence case) I noticed that the cop who'd filled out the report wrote down "PR said she putted". As in the past tense of "put", not like she was playing golf.

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Today. 4:49 am

 

I always freeze-frame the screen whenever the camera shows Judge Judy reading a text message or police report or whatever.

 

 

small voice:  I do that as well  The husband thinks I'm weird for doing so.

 

I took  break from JJ the first of the year, so these repeats are actually new to me. 

 

I just can't quit her.
 

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Coworkers travelling to Rochester, several advised at the last minute they couldn't come.

"We were getting texts sperodically that they had to work late."

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One of my favorites that should, IMO, be used as a public service announcement around Christmas:

 

"Don't get drunk at Christmas parties at family members house that you don't belong to."

 

JJ, unable to get a straight answer about where four kids were living while their parents were splitting up (Mom said with her, Dad said part time with him, Grandpa said during the day with him)finally asked Grandpa, "Where did the children sleep each night?"

 

Grandpa: "In beds".

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Yay! Today was the Defendant who took out a Whatever Loan.  Did we ever figure out if that was an actual thing?  Do banks advertise this???

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Yay! Today was the Defendant who took out a Whatever Loan.  Did we ever figure out if that was an actual thing?  Do banks advertise this???

 

Apparently it is a thing but it is mostly done by credit unions.  You can borrow up to 1000 dollars and do whatever you want with it.  Sounds like it's made for all those brilliant JJ defendants who need more money for their cell phones and bail,

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But isn't it just called a personal loan?  I can go to my bank and apply for a loan, they don't care what it's for as long as I can pay it back.  I must check my bank's website to see if they offer Whatever Loans, in addition to mortgages, car loans and personal loans.  Maybe I can get a better interest rate!

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There was a girl earlier this week who said she didn't need a license because she only drove to school and back and to work and back.

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Lol, do these people only think insurance is for driving to the bar and cross country? 

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What about the huge number of litigants who use the word "presently" to denote something that happened in the past?

 

"I was presently unemployed/staying there/incarcerated at that time."

 

I never get that.

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"Don't trust anyone!"  - said by all litigants who borrow money and don't pay it back, or take someone's car and wreck it.

 

"We wasn't boo'd up." 

Edited by AngelaHunter
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One of my favorite litigant quotes on today's rerun show.

 

College girl had sued her friend for not paying back a loan plaintiff had made to her.  Plaintiff won because the defendant wouldn't shut up and JJ kicked her out.

 

In the hallterview, the plaintiff said:

"Friendship?  There is no friendship.  Here, let me scrape it off the bottom of my shoe."

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"The car loan wasn't a loan. It was gift."

 

- *Ungrateful pig of a son who wasn't satisfied that his mother gave him a loan for a car.  Disgusting person.*

 

Accurate description courtesy of - Rick Kitchen

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Some guy this week complained he was being used as an "Escape Goat."  I think just "Goat" may have been more accurate.

Edited by SandyToes
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JJ: "So what did you do with the deer?"

Defendant: "I et it."

 

Later:

JJ: "Did you eat some too?"

Plaintiff: "No, I don't like rigor mortis stew."

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JJ:  {to the ridiculously attired Queen Esther/Nefeteri who strolled down the aisle in a fabulously tacky outfit complete with head piece}:   That's SOME outfit...."

 

 

Esther, blinking her false eyelashes and waving her trashy nails "You like it?" 

I DIED.

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This isn't a specific quote but something I notice in almost every episode. JJ will be giving us the Reader's Digest version of the case she's getting ready to hear. Inevitably, one of the litigants will start interrupting and arguing the facts of the case, when JJ hasn't even started asking questions yet. It really is like they never watch the show before going on it.

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