Testifying: Best litigant quotes.

[Milz]

Because some things need to be remembered.

[DoctorK]

(copying over from anothet thread since they fit better over here)

 

I replayed these several times to make sure I got the quotes correct from the motocross/dog attack case:

 

I visualized a lady hitting a dog over the head with an umbrella.

No, you SAW a lady (or perhaps for these shows you SEEN a lady). (hat tip to designing1 who posted this one first)

and

 

their campers were subsequent to that car

 No, they were apparently parked BEHIND that car. And I didn't watch closed captioning so I am giving the woman the benefit of a doubt about "their" versus "there" or "they're".

[augmentedfourth]

YEARS ago - I want to say around 2008 or so - there was a case about two girls getting into a fight at a nightclub. I believe it was when the defendant was telling her side of the story, she said, "And I said to her, 'You bein' nasty'." To this day, "you bein' nasty" is still used in my family. The case was on the Saturday night reruns a year or two ago, and I texted my mother to excitedly inform her THAT CASE was on.

[Milz]

From the Good Antiquan Ganga case:

 

Dr. Noel Howell: "She was smoking the good weed, the strong Antiguan weed.....The good Antiguan ganga."

 

Melisa: "there were a few people who were grips."

JJ: "And what were they doing?"

Melisa: "They were setting up light stands.They handled lighting."

JJ:"I don't mean what they were doing on set. I mean what were they doing to you."

 

Halterview:

Dr. Noel: "Let me tell you all. Don't mess with the Antiguan weed! It's WICKED!" "Don't mess with the weed!"

[Patssy Stoned]

My Hall of Fame quote goes to Ms Shampree Rreid who was "cooking breffest nekkid while taking a baff"*.  She complained, I believe if I remember correctly, because the bacon burned her. It NEVER gets old!

 

*translated: Cooking breakfast naked while taking a bath.

Edited June 6, 2014 by Patssy Stoned

[MrMattyMatt]

Didn't she leave the water running in the tub too and it flooded into the apartment below?

[Patssy Stoned]

Didn't she leave the water running in the tub too and it flooded into the apartment below?

 

 

YES! YES! YES! Thanks for refreshing my memory!

[dougfir]

An oldie but a goodie from the immortal Pole-Face Joe case:  "But I'm an epileptic!!"

[Toaster Strudel]

Hallterview: "I'm going to go back to dating strippers."

[lofty ideas]

Eurydice Lofton, wearer of the "mink" jacket, in the hallterview: "I told him you can't buy love, you just rent it."

[dougfir]

From the classic Firewood-Wielding Redneck Woman case:  "She knocked me outta mah shoes!"

[Princess Sparkle]

My all-time favorite quotes come from the cheeseball case.  So, so funny.

 

JJ: "Where were the cheeseballs?"

Plaintiff: "Still buckled in the seat.  The cheeseballs were the only thing we saved from the wreck!"

Byrd: "Safety first!"

 

Anytime you can get JJ to laugh with you instead of at you is a momentous occasion.

[Ouisch]

One of my favorites:

 

JJ: "You don't HAVE to be here, Mr. Miller! I can dismiss your case without prejudice and the plaintiff can take it to a Superior Court where they can attach your wages! Or we can continue here and you can behave in a civilized manner. What's your pleasure?"

 

Defendant: "My pleasure? Um, anything extreme: boating, snowboarding, motorcycle - -"

[barbedwire]

LOL!  I had forgotten about most of these.  Thanks for the trip down (bad) memory lane.

 

My favorites are still the ones (mostly from MN) who say "I borrowed the money to her."

 

Yes, yes you did.

[Princess Sparkle]

Oooh - how could I forget my second favorite quote!

 

Plaintiff: (about property that was stolen from her): "I had credit cards in the wallet, and $300"

Defendant: "There wasn't $300 in the wallet!"

Judge Judy: "Judgement for the plaintiff in the amount of $300".

[One Tough Cookie]

And how about the defendant from Thursday who admitted that she "drinked too much"?

[Rick Kitchen]

Just heard one this morning.  An ex-wife is suing her ex-husband, and Judge Judy said, "You should have had better representation in your divorce case."

 

Litigant: "I should have never gotten married."

[ItsHelloPattiagain]

Hoping I'm not brainfarting and stealing this from People's Court. . . . some defendant who was "exposing (the plaintiff) as the SLUMPLORD she is". 

[Ouisch]

I always freeze-frame the screen whenever the camera shows Judge Judy reading a text message or police report or whatever. Today (I think it was the dog head through the fence case) I noticed that the cop who'd filled out the report wrote down "PR said she putted". As in the past tense of "put", not like she was playing golf.

[One Tough Cookie]

Today. 4:49 am

 

I always freeze-frame the screen whenever the camera shows Judge Judy reading a text message or police report or whatever.

 

 

small voice:  I do that as well  The husband thinks I'm weird for doing so.

 

I took  break from JJ the first of the year, so these repeats are actually new to me. 

 

I just can't quit her.
 

[Rick Kitchen]

"Me and her became to tussle."

Judge Judy: Is that where you were living?

Litigant: Yes, from time to time, not really, no.

[Quof]

Coworkers travelling to Rochester, several advised at the last minute they couldn't come.

"We were getting texts sperodically that they had to work late."

[AngelaHunter]

One of my favorites that should, IMO, be used as a public service announcement around Christmas:

 

"Don't get drunk at Christmas parties at family members house that you don't belong to."

 

JJ, unable to get a straight answer about where four kids were living while their parents were splitting up (Mom said with her, Dad said part time with him, Grandpa said during the day with him)finally asked Grandpa, "Where did the children sleep each night?"

 

Grandpa: "In beds".

[Quof]

Yay! Today was the Defendant who took out a Whatever Loan.  Did we ever figure out if that was an actual thing?  Do banks advertise this???

[Mybrainhurts]

Yay! Today was the Defendant who took out a Whatever Loan.  Did we ever figure out if that was an actual thing?  Do banks advertise this???

 

Apparently it is a thing but it is mostly done by credit unions.  You can borrow up to 1000 dollars and do whatever you want with it.  Sounds like it's made for all those brilliant JJ defendants who need more money for their cell phones and bail,

[Quof]

But isn't it just called a personal loan?  I can go to my bank and apply for a loan, they don't care what it's for as long as I can pay it back.  I must check my bank's website to see if they offer Whatever Loans, in addition to mortgages, car loans and personal loans.  Maybe I can get a better interest rate!

[One Tough Cookie]

I remember this classic: "If I knew I would be having  car accident, I wouldda got insurance."

Edited July 23, 2014 by onemoretime

[Rick Kitchen]

There was a girl earlier this week who said she didn't need a license because she only drove to school and back and to work and back.

[Rick Kitchen]

She's fake.  Fake like a fake two dollar bill.

 

(Er, two dollar bills aren't fake)

[JBC344]

Lol, do these people only think insurance is for driving to the bar and cross country? 

[6 MeowMeowBeenz]

Insurance is only for whenever (sic) you know you're going to have an accident. 

[Callasin]

Judge Judy: You cooked your goose 10 minutes ago.

Defendant: I don't eat goose.

Edited August 6, 2014 by Callasin

[Rick Kitchen]

"He knew fullheadedly ..."

[califred]

Fullheadedly got me.

And mr mush mouth today where even my son wondered why there were subtitles.

[AngelaHunter]

"We were getting texts sperodically that they had to work late."

 

Don't you mean "Texes"?

[mtbingmom]

JJ; Do you go to church?

Scantily dressed female witness:  No. I'm a Christian.

[AngelaHunter]

What about the huge number of litigants who use the word "presently" to denote something that happened in the past?

 

"I was presently unemployed/staying there/incarcerated at that time."

 

I never get that.

[Rick Kitchen]

"Me and her had an understandment."

[SnarkyTart]

When I first saw the title of this thread, I misread it as:  "Terrifying: Best litigant quotes."    Works for me!

[AngelaHunter]

"Don't trust anyone!"  - said by all litigants who borrow money and don't pay it back, or take someone's car and wreck it.

 

"We wasn't boo'd up." 

Edited October 14, 2014 by AngelaHunter

[Rick Kitchen]

One of my favorite litigant quotes on today's rerun show.

 

College girl had sued her friend for not paying back a loan plaintiff had made to her.  Plaintiff won because the defendant wouldn't shut up and JJ kicked her out.

 

In the hallterview, the plaintiff said:

"Friendship?  There is no friendship.  Here, let me scrape it off the bottom of my shoe."

[AngelaHunter]

"The car loan wasn't a loan. It was gift."

 

- *Ungrateful pig of a son who wasn't satisfied that his mother gave him a loan for a car.  Disgusting person.*

 

Accurate description courtesy of - Rick Kitchen

[Rick Kitchen]

A litigant said "... irregarding me ..." today, and JJ called him on it.

[SandyToes]

Some guy this week complained he was being used as an "Escape Goat."  I think just "Goat" may have been more accurate.

Edited November 1, 2014 by SandyToes

[Trini]

JJ: "So what did you do with the deer?"

Defendant: "I et it."

 

Later:

JJ: "Did you eat some too?"

Plaintiff: "No, I don't like rigor mortis stew."

[TheBud]

How about the dumb blonde defendant who JJ kept calling "Chatty Cathy"

 

Defendant:"My name's not Cathy"

[Rick Kitchen]

"I gaven him $700"

[One Tough Cookie]

JJ:  {to the ridiculously attired Queen Esther/Nefeteri who strolled down the aisle in a fabulously tacky outfit complete with head piece}:   That's SOME outfit...."

 

 

Esther, blinking her false eyelashes and waving her trashy nails "You like it?" 

I DIED.

[momtoall]

The defendant snapping at a witness who was saying something to/about him "Lady I don't know you from a can of paint", CLASSIC!!!!

[teebax]

This isn't a specific quote but something I notice in almost every episode. JJ will be giving us the Reader's Digest version of the case she's getting ready to hear. Inevitably, one of the litigants will start interrupting and arguing the facts of the case, when JJ hasn't even started asking questions yet. It really is like they never watch the show before going on it.