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Jenelle: Birther Of 3, Mother To None


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Longtime lurker here. I've been re-watching this entire series on Hulu going back to the 16 and Pregnant episodes, and just felt compelled to comment. I really, REALLY wonder what Barb was like when Jenelle was growing up. Obviously we only see what is on TV, and of course kudos to Barb for taking over for her irresponsible daughter who ditched her own child. In no way am I sticking up for Jenelle, as she is obviously a complete sociopath. I just really wonder how she ended up this way. A lot of her behavior in earlier seasons really makes me think of people who have been stuck in abusive situations and finally get old enough to where they just decide they are sick of it and aren't going to take the person's sh*t anymore. And the whole flat effect, dead eyes thing - I know someone like that and they did not grow up in a great environment, to put it mildly.

 

I don't know, she's a horrible human being (I use the term "human" loosely here) but I sort of feel sorry for her also. Those two are just toxic to each other, it's no wonder Jenelle turned out crazy. 

Edited by sobasic
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Jenelle hired the same criminal lawyer that represented Nipples on his DUI to represent her for whatever criminal charge they were talking about last night. I know it's confusing. 

 

Yeah, uhhh, that's just a slight (as in huge) conflict of interest unless Nipples has waived the conflict.

 

 

Oh for fuck's sake. No one wants to buy or read that shit. Sorry, maybe I shouldn't speak for anyone else. I wouldn't read it or buy it. I hate fictional stories. That is why I didn't buy or read Karl's book, "Poop over Pride".

 

No, no, feel free.  I think you summed up my thoughts quite nicely, except I would have thrown something in there about it being a manual on how to roll joints. 

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From the bits we've heard over the years, it sounds like Barb left an abusive relationship, moved far away and raised the kids by herself. Raising three kids alone with jobs that don't pay a lot had to be pretty hard to do. Barb had to work to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table and the kids were probably left alone a lot. It wasn't an ideal situation to raise kids and I'm sure there was a whole lot of yelling and screaming that went on when they were growing up. When you add that there seems to be some inherited mental illness, it was a recipe for some messed up adults. But, I think Barb did the best she could with what she had and I really believe she loves Jenelle and truly wants her to get her shit together and quit making such stupid choices. I'm glad she seems to be setting some boundaries as far as Jenelle goes and isn't allowing her to run the show and treat her like shit all the time.

 

If Jenelle didn't spend all her MTV money on lawyers, cars, tattoos, vacations and moving every couple months, maybe she could spend it on some much needed therapy to help her learn to control herself and make better choices. 

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Jenelle's book:

 

"I'm Not Sure If I'm Pregnant With My New Boyfriend's Baby or if the Aborted Fetus of My Last Boyfriend is Still Partially Inside Me. And Other Dating Conundrums".

I love it! But, the aborted fetus was from her husband at the time. Saying it was her husband's is more classier than boyfriend - LOL!

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Oooooh, you're right. So sorry! I forgot she was actually married for a minute there. He was her only actual husband, right? I'm surprised. 

Heck, no need to apologize! We just have to remember to try to keep it more classier. This is Miss Court Heels we're talking about - LOL! Yeah, he's her only husband so far.

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The bestseller list has been heavily criticized (see Wikipedia).  One criticism cited is this:  A book that never makes the list can actually outsell books on the best-seller list. This is because the best-seller list reflects sales in a given week, not total sales. Thus, one book may sell heavily in a given week, making the list, while another may sell at a slower pace, never making the list, but selling more copies over time.

And then there's the controversial companies that guarantee a spot on the bestseller list if someone has enough money, by using bulk purchases, like ResultSource.

A Year In My Stable Life - 

Married, Had an Abortion, Found My Prince Online, Pregnant Again, Divorced, Had Another Kid, Moved a Few Times, Got Engaged, Got Arrested a Few Times, It's Been a Fairytale, Dude!

Poked in the Back Ever After.

Edited by cheatincheetos
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Has anyone seen the new pics on her Instagram... There's a new guy.

(Jenelle voice over) "I'm taking Kaiser back to Nathan's mom, because my pen pal is getting out of Lee Correctional today. My mom doesn't like that he's moving in with me, and I'm really mad that she doesn't believe him when he said his 15-year sentence was just for removing the tag from a mattress..."

Edited by cheatincheetos
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Supposedly she got cured from her heroin addiction. But she's still smokin' da weed.

She was also supposedly diagnosed as bipolar and I think she said in one of her voice overs she keeps forgetting to take her meds for that.

As far as the new guy goes, it's either a setup or she's got a new victim. He has two kids so she can impress him with her mommy skills.

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Supposedly she got cured from her heroin addiction. But she's still smokin' da weed.

She was also supposedly diagnosed as bipolar and I think she said in one of her voice overs she keeps forgetting to take her meds for that.

As far as the new guy goes, it's either a setup or she's got a new victim. He has two kids so she can impress him with her mommy skills.

Earlier this season, Barb said something about her being bipolar and she went full on Jenelle and screamed that she isn't bipolar, she has anxiety disorder and did Barb want a doctor's note or something like that. From the look of her at her recent lawyer visit, she must have some xanax or something to go along with da weed for her *cough* anxiety. Her doctor must not watch the show. If he/she did, they'd see that the anxiety she complains about isn't due to a disorder. It's her chosen lifestyle. She lives for drama and creates it when necessary.

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(Jenelle voice over) "I'm taking Kaiser back to Nathan's mom, because my pen pal is getting out of Lee Correctional today. My mom doesn't like that he's moving in with me, and I'm really mad that she doesn't believe him when he said his 15-year sentence was just for removing the tag from a mattress..."

Hee! I read this in Jenelle's robotic, monotone, asshole voice.
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Today's blind item:  Counting down the days until this Teen Mom goes to court again. She should probably put down the crack pipe because to have any hope, she will need to pass a drug test. Hey, it is why the case was continued last time. Jenelle Evans

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From the bits we've heard over the years, it sounds like Barb left an abusive relationship, moved far away and raised the kids by herself. Raising three kids alone with jobs that don't pay a lot had to be pretty hard to do. Barb had to work to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table and the kids were probably left alone a lot. It wasn't an ideal situation to raise kids and I'm sure there was a whole lot of yelling and screaming that went on when they were growing up. When you add that there seems to be some inherited mental illness, it was a recipe for some messed up adults. But, I think Barb did the best she could with what she had and I really believe she loves Jenelle and truly wants her to get her shit together and quit making such stupid choices. I'm glad she seems to be setting some boundaries as far as Jenelle goes and isn't allowing her to run the show and treat her like shit all the time.

If Jenelle didn't spend all her MTV money on lawyers, cars, tattoos, vacations and moving every couple months, maybe she could spend it on some much needed therapy to help her learn to control herself and make better choices.

I once heard a social worker say that lots of times instead of being mad at the abuser, kids will blame the abused parents because they stay with the abuser. Sometimes even after they've left, the kids will still have misdirected anger at the abused parent, but usually as the child matures he or she can understand the dynamics at play that made the abused parent stay and that the abuse was not their fault (many abusers blame the victims/say the victims made them do it). Since we know Jenelle is hardly mature, I think that she probably has some misdirected anger at Barb because Barb stayed with the abuser. I doubt she's matured enough to grasp why Barb stayed and that Barb is a victim. She's probably still angry at Barb for being a victim.

Strollers and Other Electronial Devices to Dramastically Change Your Life by Jenelle Evans

Come on now, you know that's the title of Nathan's book!

So I'm gonna go out on a limb here and predict the following things about Jenelle's new man (even though I haven't read anything about him at any links, etc yet):

- he doesn't have custody of his kids

- he has a criminal record

- he has an addiction he's either a) in recovery for or b)is untreated

If Jenelle is hitting the crack pipe, she has a weird reaction to crack. My money is she's back on heroin or she's just been so *relaxed* the past few seasons because of a combo of methadone & lots of pot.

Edited by MyPeopleAreNordic
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[quote

So I'm gonna go out on a limb here and predict the following things about Jenelle's new man (even though I haven't read anything about him at any links, etc yet):

- he doesn't have custody of his kids

- he has a criminal record

- he has an addiction he's either a) in recovery for or b)is untreated

You forgot unemployed.

I'm so bad at using quotes. Sorry OP

Edited by Pixiebomb
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Supposedly she got cured from her heroin addiction. But she's still smokin' da weed.

She was also supposedly diagnosed as bipolar and I think she said in one of her voice overs she keeps forgetting to take her meds for that.

As far as the new guy goes, it's either a setup or she's got a new victim. He has two kids so she can impress him with her mommy skills.

It wasn't that she was forgetting her meds, she would stop taking them when she "felt better", like someone stopping a zpac for a cold. Barbara tried to tell her that BiPolar meds aren't meant to be stopped, but she was probably too high to comprehend.

If she's on crack now, I'm not sure how it would affect a BPD person. If she's in a downswing, would crack make her upbeat and seem normal? If she's having a manic episode, does she go full-on tweaker? Maybe she switches to pot when she's manic. I know she says every human interaction causes her to have a panic attack, but I'm calling shenanigans on that, and on her claim that some doctor changed her BPD diagnosis to an anxiety disorder.

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Sigh. I just can't with these people. Going by his Instagram pics he has a daughter and a son with a big enough age difference between them to make me think they're by two different baby mamas. He's big on selfies and greasy food and if I had to guess, I'd say his occupation was meth dealer. In other words he's perfect for our Jenelle.

On the sliding scale of Janelle's Ho hierarchy, I'd give him an A. I won't say he's a meth dealer. He looks more like a testosterone cypionate dealer. *cough, cough Nathan*

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Sigh. I just can't with these people. Going by his Instagram pics he has a daughter and a son with a big enough age difference between them to make me think they're by two different baby mamas. He's big on selfies and greasy food and if I had to guess, I'd say his occupation was meth dealer. In other words he's perfect for our Jenelle.

 

He also loved some other chick more than anything just 7 weeks ago, so....

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So I'm gonna go out on a limb here and predict the following things about Jenelle's new man (even though I haven't read anything about him at any links, etc yet):

- he doesn't have custody of his kids

- he has a criminal record

- he has an addiction he's either a) in recovery for or b)is untreated

I'm also going to go out on a limb & assume he is already the GREAT LOVE OF HER LIFE dude!!! They just like, yuh know, get along like really great & don't even fight or anything.

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At least new boyfriend is self-aware.

https://instagram.com/p/7GKtY5CXcf/

 

That  "I look good on a hoe" Tshirt just oozes respect for womankind. Well chosen, Jenelle.

Kazu, did you see the one of the truck with "Cheater" key-scratched into the side? Hmm!

A couple of those pics that haven't been smoothed out with Instagram filters look like the premature aging that hit Adam.

P.S. user comment on the pic:

"I'd run real fast from JE!"

Edited by cheatincheetos
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http://www.teenmomjunkies.com/general/mermaid-prince-charming/

 

"So what’s he doing with Jenelle and Tori? I was asking myself the same thing, until I remembered how nice and stable Nathan seemed when he was first introduced on Jenelle’s Instagram. And wouldn’t know it? This new guy’s past is just as checkered as Jenelle’s. Quelle surprise!"

 

"He works as a welder. Still yet to be known if he has more than two couches to his name.
David posted a picture of the two of them on his Facebook page and it was not well received by people on his friends list.
He has three kids, two baby mamas, one long rap sheet and zero custody of any of his children (I guess they bond over that common interest)
At only 27 years old, he’s got multiple misdemeanor and felony charges for both DUIs and breaking and entering. Good thing being a felon ain’t illegal!"


Jenelle's ovaries are probably kicking into overdrive at this incredible compatibility.

Edited by cheatincheetos
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Whoa, whoa, whoa. That dude is only 27?!!! I thought he was late 30s, holy shit, what kind of drugs do you have to be doing to look so torn up in your 20s?

Ask Leah Messer-Simms-Calvert-Messer.

 

 

Kazu, did you see the one of the truck with "Cheater" key-scratched into the side? Hmm!

I missed it. I just checked it out. LOL  Hmm...now, I wonder what that is all about?

Edited by GreatKazu
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Whoa, whoa, whoa. That dude is only 27?!!! I thought he was late 30s, holy shit, what kind of drugs do you have to be doing to look so torn up in your 20s?

Going to guess that he smokes and drinks heavily, thinks sunscreen (sounds like he works outdoors often) is for wimpy pussies, and his idea of eating fruits and vegetables is adding catsup on his hot dogs. The photos where his face looks fresher were probably using Instagram filtering and good lighting.

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I think Jenelle is searching for meatheads bigger than Nathan and has some homoerotic fantasy of watching two shirtless goons with testosterone poisoning rolling around in a trash-littered parking lot slugging it out over her. Because, you know, she's such a prize.

 

A bonus for this guy is that he isn't as heavily tatted as Adam; he still has some free space for a foot-long tribute to Jenelle to celebrate their undying, four-month love.

Edited by cheatincheetos
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Oh my gosh, he does look like Jax! I knew there was something. Nathan was the "Broke Down Val Kilmer", but can there even BE a "Broke Down Jax Taylor"? It's already broke. And you can't fix it. 

 

I hope they date long enough to make it onto next season, so we can see her confused as to whether her positive pregnancy test is from his baby or Nathan's aborted fetus. 

 

Okay, kidding. Because I certainly don't want any more innocent children brought into this mess. But don't we at least deserve a "You're so mean to meeeeee!" fight???

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https://instagram.com/p/4CDqSYCXfM/?taken-by=uncledave01

 

"Me and David are going on a boat trip with his niece to get rid of some bodies with cement shoes that he just found in his basement."

tumblr_nv2cl7JRTX1rpbc01o1_540.jpg

"After I did a Teen Mom appearance, I met up with David downtown and we walked around finding old ladies to beat up. They remind me of my mom. She's so mean to keep Jace from me!"

Edited by cheatincheetos
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One of the comments on the teenmomjunkies article said "he's got the metrosexual serial killer look going for him, kind of like Wes Bentley". If you look up a photo of Wes when he has facial hair and imagine him with different colored eyes and fuglier, I could see it.

 

Also Jax Taylor of Vanderpump has a felony theft arrest now, so that's another similarity to Jenelle's new break-and-enter boyfriend.

Edited by cheatincheetos
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Oh my gosh, he does look like Jax! I knew there was something. Nathan was the "Broke Down Val Kilmer", but can there even BE a "Broke Down Jax Taylor"? It's already broke. And you can't fix it. 

 

I hope they date long enough to make it onto next season, so we can see her confused as to whether her positive pregnancy test is from his baby or Nathan's aborted fetus. 

 

Okay, kidding. Because I certainly don't want any more innocent children brought into this mess. But don't we at least deserve a "You're so mean to meeeeee!" fight???

Yes, we do. We also deserve several rousing renditions of "Leave me aloooonnnne!!"

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