S05.E08: Week 5: Part 1

[Ms Blue Jay]

Annalise hahahahahahahahhahahahahah!  How many days has she known Kamil?  3?  

[Armchair Critic]

LOL at Jordan telling Kamil to come back because Paradise is not ready for Annaliese tearing it apart.

[TiredMe]

1 minute ago, saber5055 said:

A big YES to this. I can't stand Wells, he's the worst Mean Girl of all of them. Plus that person's shoulder DID NOT smell "like scallops."

I can’t stand him either. I am just in awe when I hear people fawning over him. ??‍♀️

[Mu Shu]

I’m thinking Analiese would be very pretty with a better haircut.  That long hair pulls her face down and emphasizes the widest part of her face, when she should be showcasing her lips and eyes. 

shushanna looks like every other Instagram girl to me.

[CindyBee]

Kamil has the personality of a cardboard box but (small voice) he's nice to look at

[Amy Beth]

whose season was Ashley I on originally?

[CindyBee]

Just now, Amy Beth said:

whose season was Ashley I on originally?

Farmer Chris

[JenE4]

Um, KEVIN was the “other person” Ashley was dating. Awkward. Well, I guess Ashley HAS to give the date to Kevin to make up for it.

[Armchair Critic]

Your love isn't real if you propose without a viewing audience. Ashley and Jared will be the next Sean and Catherine, showing up for the opening of an envelope if it is Bachelor franchise related.

Edited September 4, 2018 by Armchair Critic

[dizzyd]

So was Ashley losing her virginity to Kevin the reason she suddenly became appealing to Jared? 

[adhoc]

Nice of Ashley to say in front of everyone--including Kevin, whom she dated--that she knew it was Jared from the start.

And again, what is the appeal of scrawny-bearded snaggle-toothed (is that what you call it) Jared? It escapes me.

[CindyBee]

4 minutes ago, dizzyd said:

So was Ashley losing her virginity to Kevin the reason she suddenly became appealing to Jared? 

I think he's said the fact that she was no longer available woke him up.  But that could be the reason too.

I'm not going to lie, I loved season 2 of Bachelor in Paradise.  It had Ashley melting down all the time, Kirk dumping Carly and Janner being the IT couple

Edited September 4, 2018 by CindyBee

[saber5055]

Thank you American Ninja Warrior for saving me from seeing Ashley/Jared.

[dizzyd]

I guess this segment could give Tia hope. Btw, my eyes are rolling excessively. Who the fuck wears heels on the beach!

Edited September 4, 2018 by dizzyd

[Armchair Critic]

And of course a Neil Lane ring. I would be ticked that he didn't buy one himself.

[Amy Beth]

I thought they were already engaged . Otherwise, how would we know they were a success story?

[Stan39]

I deliberately skipped watching tonight (and tomorrow) because I assumed it would be the Colton/Tia and Ashley/Jared show (and the Carly/Jade show tomorrow). But it sounds like there’s about an hour/hour and a half worth watching after the Colton drama that’s worth watching?

I’m surprised people are still watching once Ashley showed up. Wonder if there will be a dip in ratings. 

[CindyBee]

1 minute ago, Amy Beth said:

I thought they were already engaged . Otherwise, how would we know they were a success story?

This was filmed back in June and they didn't hide the fact that they became engaged there.  

[saber5055]

Just now, Stan39 said:

Wonder if there will be a dip in ratings. 

There is at my house.

[JenE4]

Jenna: “Anything can happen if you pursue it—mercilessly—over the years.” Ha!

[Amy Beth]

1 minute ago, CindyBee said:

This was filmed back in June and they didn't hide the fact that they became engaged there.  

I meant I thought they came to Paradise engaged. In Bachelor Nation, merely dating isn’t enough. If you’re not engaged, it doesn’t mean anything.

[TiredMe]

I think Kevin is overplaying his Ashley I man pain. It honestly working my last nerve and this comes from someone who likes him. 

Edited September 4, 2018 by TiredMe

[Mu Shu]

This is a boring fucking season.  Thanks Corrine and Demario for being punk asses who couldn’t handle their booze and ruining it for all of us. 

[CindyBee]

Astrid is too adult for this show.  

[hyacinth]

 Where did the humor in this show go?      I used to feel like I was watching myself on Spring Break.   Now I feel like I'm watching a show about people who need therapy, but aren't getting it.    

[Jax7917]

Oh joy .. Kevin and Astrid get to go on a date .. to another pool . 

 

I think astrid looks like Ashley .. just less fillers . 

[CindyBee]

Still another hour to go.   Guess I'll keep watching to see Analeise's breakdown over Kamil's return that you know is coming

[dizzyd]

Are we done yet!

[Mu Shu]

Kevin is too insecure and moody.  Plus he looks weird in a lot of shots.  Him brooding with his duck lips is tiresome .  Sorry kid, Colton did his best Mesnick with the materials at hand.  The role is cast. 

[Armchair Critic]

Awww I think Joe sincerely feels bad for Annaliese, he does seem like a nice guy.

[Amy Beth]

Why are none of the other women trying to de-escalate Annaliese?

[Wandering Snark]

40 minutes ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

And yet Annalise is saying it's been so long since she's had feelings for someone.  My god, she is so funny.

I was thinking that exact thing, "It's been since yesterday around noon that I had these feelings for someone!! I can't imagine feeling any other way tomorrow at noon either! We're one of the strongest couples here."

[Armchair Critic]

Now she wants him to get down on one knee before the show is done? ACK she should just be happy he is sticking with her.

[CindyBee]

Oh jeez, she's going to spend the night with him after he's been on a date with another girl!?

[Jax7917]

I know it's been said that Colton is going to be the next bachelor  , but I still don't think He will be .  I don't see any fan base for him . 

Wow annaliese is pathetic 

Edited September 4, 2018 by Jaclyn88

[clubsauce]

These people are all BANANAS.

[Armchair Critic]

What? Did John just kiss up to 2 women?

[JenE4]

The night-vision cam IS still a thing! DeMario and Corrine didn’t ruin that one—but no over-dubbed sound effects. So, how are we supposed to know what happened under those blankets? Did they get it on like wild baboons or a train chugging through a tunnel?

[CindyBee]

5 minutes ago, Amy Beth said:

Why are none of the other women trying to de-escalate Annaliese?

 This.  Come on Cassandra and Chelsea, you are mothers and can practice for your kiddo's teenage years by helping poor Annaliese out!

[Armchair Critic]

1 minute ago, Jaclyn88 said:

I know what reality steve said , but I still don't think Colton is gonna be the bachelor .. I don't see any fan base for him . 

This show needs a bit of a fantasy, for me watching Colton will be like watching my dorky cousin.

[Ms Blue Jay]

My one wish for this show is that they put a blank audio space whenever these people say "Like" or "literally".  Like how they bleep the curse words out of Jersey Shore.

Annalise looks old.  Probably because she lets every minuscule interaction in life completely RUIN her.  This woman needs therapy.

[Wandering Snark]

Jared: Did you seriously just ask Ashley I 'not to cry'??? Also... some people can't grow in a full beard, and those people? The don't try to grow one, or they end up with the half-grown half coverage mess going on on your face.

Ashley: And people that are going to walk on a beach take their stiletto heels OFF!

Annnnnd it sucks to be Kevin right now.

[Wandering Snark]

10 minutes ago, Jaclyn88 said:

I know it's been said that Colton is going to be the next bachelor  , but I still don't think He will be .  I don't see any fan base for him . 

An actual fan base has never been important to them, the choice is alll about potential to create "The Most Talked About Bachelor Season Evar!" He's twice heartbroken, a virgin, and probably gay. (though he hasn't figured that that is the true reason a woman can never seem to 'fit' his life) So yes it doesn't matter if WE of all people care, it's the mindwashed millions out there in Bachelor Nation that matter.

[Armchair Critic]

Just saw the ad that the next Bachelor will be announced on GMA tomorrow

[Mu Shu]

I finished my nightly toilette, and feel confident I did not miss much.  Thanks god I missed that wormy looking John kissing some more women.

chelsea May want to get those dozen or so moles checked.

[ECM1231]

Cassandra just lost any good will I had towards her  cozying up to Eric. Girl really wants that ?!

Dorky John has gotten the most action in Paradise!

[Caseysgirl]

The boys are all jealous of nerdy John who has been on more dates than anyone and has been very careful to keep his options open.

[Ms Blue Jay]

(Sorry I don't know her name):  Christen is only after John because she wants a rose.  Not like me, who totally knows John's name, and everything about him, and that he has money, and gives a F........

Please, woman!  As if you're so much more sincere than anyone else here.  You've barely had any screentime before this.

[ECM1231]

Shushannah is being rude calling Annaliese " that blonde girl."

[Wandering Snark]

Do you really want to ask Annaliese "Do you have insecurities?" because I think the answer is "How much time do you have?"