Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[Kromm]

I actually use the plastic bags for garbage.

Yeah, the logical conserve/resuse strategy to me was always...

 

1.) Get groceries in paper surrounded by plastic (one and one), but bagged to the max weight/fullness.  Leaving you to be able to walk out from a big shop with maybe two sacks prepared that way instead of a dozen or so plastic bags, or four or five paper ones.

2.) Use the paper bags for storing potatoes and similar vegetables and the plastic bags for garbage (saving you from having to use large plastic garbage bags--which aren't ultimately any better for the environment than little ones).

 

That said, I use cloth (or more often those large polymer reusables) 90% of the time these days anyway.  But if I don't have them on me (or forget to get them out of my car trunk)?  It's back to that older strategy.

 

Speaking of garbage, we do I think hear people on sitcoms talk about the husband taking garbage out to the curb.  We hear recycling jokes occasionally. But nobody on TV ever really talks about the garbage in the house starting to smell. Like it really does if you wait too long.

[shapeshifter]

I actually use the plastic bags for garbage.

Me too!

Eventually no stores will give them out anymore, and then I'm guessing TV shows will have to show people using reusable bags.

And I will have to buy plastic bags for garbage.

[ToxicUnicorn]

But simply having bags make a huge "clunk" on a kitchen counter, things breaking inside them when you put them down badly, and things rolling out the side of dodgy and badly packed plastic bags? Now THAT'S real life.

This reminds me : only on tv does someone bring in the grocery bags and the household dog is not waiting there to see what will be unpacked / roll on the floor.  What's the matter with these tv dogs?  Do they not work if they don't get a speaking role?  Or are they all pessimists?  

 

Also, ganesh, your posts are always very funny.  I'm a little embarrassed "liking" some of them, but I do.  :)

[Kromm]

I don't think the "Only On TV" part was just using cloth shopping bags, or just buying carrots with the greens attached, or just the baguette.  It was the combination of those things plus having the baguette and the carrot greens sticking out the top, and that everyone seemed to do it.

I think I've figured this mystery out: It's a food stylist thing. And it just leaked to TV (likely via those same food stylists).

Mind you, these are all paper sacks (note: still not plastic), but look at all of these standard "shopping" clip art photos.

Wait. Here's even a fancy one: (not sure what the bag is really made of though)

 

For REAL variety here's a STRAW bag, with a pineapple subbing for the carrots, and Champagne.

 

Edited July 27, 2015 by Kromm

[andromeda331]

This reminds me : only on tv does someone bring in the grocery bags and the household dog is not waiting there to see what will be unpacked / roll on the floor.

 

All the dogs I've had always did that. They were always very interested in anything involving

food. Sniffing the trash because they knew food was in there.

Edited July 27, 2015 by andromeda331

[ganesh]

My dog waits patiently at the entrance to the kitchen and observes me.

[selkie]

Avatar cat frequently wants a plastic grocery bag when we bring the food sash in because he likes to curl up into a ball inside it.

[DearEvette]

I think I've figured this mystery out: It's a food stylist thing. And it just leaked to TV (likely via those same food stylists).

Mind you, these are all paper sacks (note: still not plastic), but look at all of these standard "shopping" clip art photos.

For REAL variety here's a STRAW bag, with a pineapple subbing for the carrots, and Champagne.

 

 

I love how the baguette is like... hanging out all free to the world and germs.  I can understand if you are buying direct from a bakery.  But at a grocery store?  How does it get checked out?  Does the check-out person handle it?  How do you know someone else didn't pick up that baguette with their germy hands (seriously the handles of grocery store carts are petri dishes)  and sniff it before setting it back down to pick another baguette?  Produce is one thing, you wash it before you consume it,. but bread?  In my store the baquettes are actually wrapped.

[Moose135]

My dog waits patiently at the entrance to the kitchen and observes me.

 

Waiting for you to drop something good, no doubt!

[proserpina65]

Brothers call their sisters "Sis", too.

 

My father's family did it (four boys and one girl), even my grandparents called their daughter "Sister".  She even shows up as "Sis" in the census.

My mom does this.

[proserpina65]

I've bought carrots with the tops, but the greens are never artfully sticking up out of the bag.

When I buy them, they are always inside a plastic produce bag, so no leafy greens sticking out the top of the bag.  (Plastic bag btw - I reuse them, and will be quite upset when they stop giving them out at the grocery store.)

I actually use the plastic bags for garbage.

I also use them for scooping the cat boxes.  That sh*t will now last forever!

[potatoradio]

Ha! I love the egg carton tipped sideways in one of those Mayberry grocery bags pictured in the above post. Because those eggs for sure won't end up all cracked and running all over the rest of the groceries. Genius bagging technique!

 

In addition to the stock carrot greens, baguette and perfectly square paper bags, on the teevee, you never have to carry more than two or make a repeat trip to the car. The magical bag is all you need. You only need two if you're playing a put-upon wife whose dolt of a husband stares at you at you struggle through the door with your grocery craziness. 

 

I always end up looking like a pack mule when I leave the grocery store - bags hanging off of every available limb I have. I'm clearly doing this wrong.

[ganesh]

I buy loose carrots from the bin. They're 48 cents/lb.

[janie jones]

My dog waits patiently at the entrance to the kitchen and observes me.

Ha, yeah, my dog minds his own business.  I never had a dog that begged when the groceries came home.  I didn't know they did that!

[shapeshifter]

On TV do we ever see them folding those paper bags? Probably not because the noise would obscure conversation. So do the bags just disappear, or do they always change scenes?

[proserpina65]

I buy loose carrots from the bin. They're 48 cents/lb.

I do too, but where I get them, they don't usually have the leafy green tops anymore.  Which annoys me, because how can I express my free-spiritedness or hipster cred or whatever if I can't mosey down a city street carrying a grocery bag with leafy green carrot fronds and a baguette sticking out of the stop?

[ganesh]

The tops are snipped off for me too.

[kassygreene]

Considering that the weight of the tops are part of the price you are charged when you buy carrots by weight, why would you want them?

[Kromm]

Considering that the weight of the tops are part of the price you are charged when you buy carrots by weight, why would you want them?

They're edible, actually.

[Bastet]

Considering that the weight of the tops are part of the price you are charged when you buy carrots by weight, why would you want them?

 

Because you can use them, and also to know the carrots are fresh. America’s Test Kitchen did a segment on how the taste of carrots changes as they age, while their appearance stays largely the same, and thus recommended buying them with the greens attached (since if those haven’t died yet, you know it hasn’t been too long – up to two weeks, I think – since the carrot was picked).

 

On TV do we ever see them folding those paper bags? Probably not because the noise would obscure conversation. So do the bags just disappear, or do they always change scenes?

 

Prop bags are usually not real bags, precisely because of the crinkling sounds.  Silent bags.

Edited July 29, 2015 by Bastet

[shapeshifter]

Prop bags are usually not real bags, precisely because of the crinkling sounds.  Silent bags.

Huh. Who knew?:

...Silent Bags are now available in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, colors, and even plastic, tissue, and cellophane varieties...

Silent Bags have been seen in: Entourage, Big Bang Theory, Taken 3, Blackhat, Mike and Molly, Pretty Little Liars, Modern Family, Good Christian Belles, Parks And Recreation, Neighbors, Blended, Community, The Muppet Movie, Martin, Parenthood, Grimm, The Mindy Project, Blackfish, Law And Order, Brooklyn 99, Empire, The Mentalist, and many more!

[Rick Kitchen]

I love when the same brand of fake products show up all over the place.  Let's Potato Chips are probably the most perfect example, they've been seen all over the place

 

And the same newspaper is used all over the place.

[Kromm]

I love when the same brand of fake products show up all over the place.  Let's Potato Chips are probably the most perfect example, they've been seen all over the place

 

And the same newspaper is used all over the place.

Ah.  We discussed that kind of thing a lot in the "Tommyverse" topic. Not because they are really intentional uses to get folded into that, but because they cause so many unintentional theoretical TV crossovers.

 

I mean the king of that is probably Morley Cigarettes, but Heisler Beer is also way up there. And in recent years, Oceanic Airlines (which the entire show Lost was built around, but which has a history WAY beyond that show).

 

Effectively the reason for these is to avoid legal claims from real companies (or to have to pay them royalties to use the likeness). They all use the same fake products, because a few key prop houses are utilized by Hollywood, and these fake products have all been pre-vetted and agreed on as allowable without further licensing or payouts. Informally the net result is this delightful web of fictional commonality between what we see in so many different show and movies.

Edited July 31, 2015 by Kromm

[Rick Kitchen]

I've seen Oceanic Airlines in video games.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Don't forget Hudson University.

[Kromm]

There are really countless more. Cerveza Beer. Gannon Car Rentals. Of course, FinderSpyder/SpyderFinder. The Tommyverse Topic gets into this, and that Fictional Companies Wiki is an even better source (although they aren't devoted JUST to ones that crossover, but also have one-offs that were used just as jokes).

Edited July 31, 2015 by Kromm

[ganesh]

Morley cigarettes

[Moose135]

And the same newspaper is used all over the place.

 

One notable exception to that was Everybody Loves Raymond.  Ray was a sports writer for Newsday - a real newspaper where I worked for nearly 20 years.  A friend in the Marketing Department would put together a package every few months with a supply of newspapers and other Newsday-themed items for the show to use.

[Sandman87]

The "same fake company, different show" thing is also true in anime, where getting the props from a supplier isn't even an issue:

 

Sometimes it's a running gag for different shows from the same animation company.

 

Sometimes it's a shout-out to another show, because the Japanese love shout-outs. I've seen Morley cigarettes in at least two anime.

 

Sometimes it's sort of an unofficial industry standard, like the way that "Alan Smithee" used to be the official director for any movie where the real director wanted his name removed from the credits. The most common one is WcDonald's restaurants, but there's also a significant number of shows with TVs and cameras from Somy and Pony, as well as Nihon cameras.

[Kromm]

One notable exception to that was Everybody Loves Raymond.  Ray was a sports writer for Newsday - a real newspaper where I worked for nearly 20 years.  A friend in the Marketing Department would put together a package every few months with a supply of newspapers and other Newsday-themed items for the show to use.

Well I think I can rope that into anther "Only On TV" thing, while also talking about a SIMILAR situation.

 

Oscar Madison also wrote for a real newspaper.  Sort of.  Only on TV though could a DEAD newspaper live just to give a grounding to a character, because the newspaper in question with Oscar was The New York Herald.  Which ceased operations in the mid 1960s, but is enough in the back of people's minds (at least it was in the 1970s when the TV show aired) that it helped Oscar's job sound more real.

 

Also only on TV is a sportwriter able to afford a huge 2 bedroom apartment at 1049 Park Avenue. I mean maybe the likes of Jimmy Breslin. sure, but how many other sportwriters made that kind of coin?

[andromeda331]

Don't forget Hudson University. I've seen Oceanic Airlines in video games.

 

I'd love to see a gag or two from either of these places.

Maybe a cop going to question someone at Hudson University to find the dean trying to

come up with ways to spin all of the bad press from the constant murderers or murders

on their campus, worrying over parents too scared to send their kids their college or arrive

in time to see the admissions department being fired. Or the board room of  Oceanic trying

to come up with a campaign to bring people back to their airlines, after that bizarre crash.

[Kel Varnsen]

 

Effectively the reason for these is to avoid legal claims from real companies (or to have to pay them royalties to use the likeness). They all use the same fake products, because a few key prop houses are utilized by Hollywood, and these fake products have all been pre-vetted and agreed on as allowable without further licensing or payouts. Informally the net result is this delightful web of fictional commonality between what we see in so many different show and movies.

I thought it was more an advertising thing. If TV is in the business of making money trying to sell stuff, you don't want to give away free advertising by featuring real products in your shows. So if you charge a bunch of cash for 30 seconds of commercial time, you don't want to give away promotion for free in the show. Because I can't see a situation where say an executive from Coca-cola might see a character from NCIS or Big Bang theory drinking a coke on screen, and think "we better sue them for using our product". I can see a situation where they see that and think "sweet free product placement". Now if there was a situation where Hannibal Lecter or Walter White drank a coke while killing someone that might be an issue, but even then I think the company can just refuse to let their product be use.

 

Mad Men famously didn't take any product placement money for any of the real life products they used in the show, including Jaguar and GM (and they made the guys working for those companies look like total assholes). Also on the price is right you can always tell items that are paid product placement vs. ones that aren't. When they are they will get an awesome description with the product name and how great it is. If not a product placement they just get a generic description about the product and they don't mention the name (even though you can see it).

 

Plus I have heard stories a few times where an actor will go on a late night talk show, and mention how much they love say Mars Bars, and the next time they are on the mention how a crate of mars bars was delivered to their house. 

[DittyDotDot]

I thought it was more an advertising thing. If TV is in the business of making money trying to sell stuff, you don't want to give away free advertising by featuring real products in your shows. So if you charge a bunch of cash for 30 seconds of commercial time, you don't want to give away promotion for free in the show. Because I can't see a situation where say an executive from Coca-cola might see a character from NCIS or Big Bang theory drinking a coke on screen, and think "we better sue them for using our product". I can see a situation where they see that and think "sweet free product placement". Now if there was a situation where Hannibal Lecter or Walter White drank a coke while killing someone that might be an issue, but even then I think the company can just refuse to let their product be use.

 

Every product, logo, T-shirt, song, character name and such has to be cleared through the legal department before they use it. You'd be surprised how many times a company wouldn't let a show use their product. I think it's due to them needing to get permission up front and the company not always understanding exactly how their product will be used and not having the control one would have if you paid for the product placement. 

 

When I listen to commentaries, I'm always surprised to hear about the legal hoops they have to jump through some times. I recently was listening to a commentary for a Psych episode and they were discussing how many fictional character names they had to run by legal before one cleared. I also remember a commentary for a different show where they had to delete a scene simply because there was a product sign in the background that wouldn't clear through legal.

[Kromm]

I thought it was more an advertising thing.

Only if a time machine was involved.  Many of these common in-program props have been on TV for 30 years.  Whereas product placement on TV shows has probably only been around half that time.

 

Not that shows necessarily WANT to give away free advertising, but remember that even still product placement is somewhat rare. We all notice (and comment vigorously on) the examples we DO see.  And arranging those takes some amount of work too. And yet we see beers, potato chips, cigarettes (okay this one less and less now), Airlines, Newspapers, etc. all of the time on shows. More often than a product placement could have been planned ANYWAY. Not to mention that despite complaints about how "suits" have taken over TV... that's not really true. Sure the suits control the overall structure, scheduling, etc. but the creatives still (mostly) run the shows. And creatives tend to hate product placement. They won't see every opportunity where a prop comes up as a financial opportunity. They'll simply see it as a pain in the ass where they have to clear real world products through annoying legal hoops.  Unless they use generics, or as we've discussed here, fake fictional products.  And it's gravy when they can use fictional products they KNOW have been used on other shows as tributes.  That's why, for example, Oceanic Airlines has been used a lot more in recent years.  It's literally people giving tribute to Lost (although technically Oceanic Airlines precedes Lost by a few years--the 1996 Kurt Russell/Steven Seagal film Executive Decision is supposedly it's first official appearance). 

Edited July 31, 2015 by Kromm

[TattleTeeny]

Who wants a pantry full of plastic shopping bags?

 

Me. I have two litter boxes to clean every day.

[shapeshifter]

Me. I have two litter boxes to clean every day.

Depending upon climate, regulations, etc., your local library might get newspapers delivered in those slender plastic bags. Where I work we have dog walkers who covet them.

[Snowprince]

Only if a time machine was involved.  Many of these common in-program props have been on TV for 30 years.  Whereas product placement on TV shows has probably only been around half that time.

 

Not that shows necessarily WANT to give away free advertising, but remember that even still product placement is somewhat rare. We all notice (and comment vigorously on) the examples we DO see.  And arranging those takes some amount of work too. And yet we see beers, potato chips, cigarettes (okay this one less and less now), Airlines, Newspapers, etc. all of the time on shows. More often than a product placement could have been planned ANYWAY. Not to mention that despite complaints about how "suits" have taken over TV... that's not really true. Sure the suits control the overall structure, scheduling, etc. but the creatives still (mostly) run the shows. And creatives tend to hate product placement. They won't see every opportunity where a prop comes up as a financial opportunity. They'll simply see it as a pain in the ass where they have to clear real world products through annoying legal hoops.  Unless they use generics, or as we've discussed here, fake fictional products.  And it's gravy when they can use fictional products they KNOW have been used on other shows as tributes.  That's why, for example, Oceanic Airlines has been used a lot more in recent years.  It's literally people giving tribute to Lost (although technically Oceanic Airlines precedes Lost by a few years--the 1996 Kurt Russell/Steven Seagal film Executive Decision is supposedly it's first official appearance). 

The 1965 2 part episode of the TV show Flipper (The Ditching) featured Oceanic Airways Flight 17 having to ditch at sea. The pilot ID's the flight while declaring an emergency at the 19:56 mark.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ut0HM_EBijM

Edited August 1, 2015 by Snowprince

[DeLurker]

Depending upon climate, regulations, etc., your local library might get newspapers delivered in those slender plastic bags. Where I work we have dog walkers who covet them.

We get those bags, but the one for the daily paper is recyclable. 

[ganesh]

There were carrots at the Famer's market today with the tops still on. But no baggettes! *shakes fist*

[andromeda331]

Only on TV, do people do everything in front of their window with the blinds and/or curtains up. Get dressed,

shave their legs in their sexy lingerie, have sex with their spouse, cheating on their spouse also in front of a

window. Have an important phone call? In front of a window. Committing a murder, do it in front of window.

Edited September 9, 2015 by andromeda331

[shapeshifter]

Only on TV, do people do everything in front of their window with the blinds and/or curtains up. Get dressed,

shave their legs in their sexy lingerie, have sex with their spouse, cheating on their spouse also in front of a

window. Have an important phone call? In front of a window. Committing a murder, do it in front of window.

Witness against a mobster? Doing everything in front of a window.

[ganesh]

I crack the blinds a little. I like to show off. 

[topanga]

 

Maybe a cop going to question someone at Hudson University to find the dean trying to

come up with ways to spin all of the bad press from the constant murderers or murders

on their campus, worrying over parents too scared to send their kids their college or arrive

in time to see the admissions department being fired. Or the board room of  Oceanic trying

to come up with a campaign to bring people back to their airlines, after that bizarre crash.

Whenever I'm watching Law & Order reruns, and another student/professor/graduate assistant/campus loafer/parent of a Hudson student becomes a victim or suspect of a crime, I'm like, "Jeez, what kind of college is this?"

[andromeda331]

Whenever I'm watching Law & Order reruns, and another student/professor/graduate assistant/campus loafer/parent of a Hudson student becomes a victim or suspect of a crime, I'm like, "Jeez, what kind of college is this?"

 

 

Me too. While also hoping someone on screen asks that question or their teenager gets into Hudson and their parent

refuses to let them go "that college its too dangerous". There's so many really funny lines or scenes they could do. 

Edited September 10, 2015 by andromeda331

[Demented Daisy]

Only on tv can a cop refuse to go to a mandated psych session and be allowed to keep his/her gun.  Or not be immediately put on desk duty.

 

"I'm fine!  Besides, this case is too important!  I don't have time for this!"

 

Of course, by the end of the episode, the case will be solved and the cop still doesn't see the doctor because solving the case proved that the cop is fine.  Okie dokie.

[ganesh]

They spoofed the Hudson college concept on Psych. An outside chief was hired and was like, "what's wrong with you people? There's been over 100 murders here in the last 4 years?"

[Kel Varnsen]

"I'm fine!  Besides, this case is too important!  I don't have time for this!"

Of course they don't have time for it. They have to solve the murder of their spouse, child, brother, parent or mentor. 

[kiddo82]

They spoofed the Hudson college concept on Psych. An outside chief was hired and was like, "what's wrong with you people? There's been over 100 murders here in the last 4 years?"

This always makes me laugh too.  In Rosewood PA, home of the Pretty Little Liars, the murder/kidnapping/assault rate per captia has to be off the charts.  Why do people continue to live there?  I remember old episodes of Pickett Fences where characters would continue to marvel at all the weird goings on in their quaint little suburb, but I think that was also the point of the show. 

[ganesh]

*This* time it's personal.

 

It's *always* personal. 

[Kel Varnsen]

This always makes me laugh too.  In Rosewood PA, home of the Pretty Little Liars, the murder/kidnapping/assault rate per captia has to be off the charts.  Why do people continue to live there?  I remember old episodes of Pickett Fences where characters would continue to marvel at all the weird goings on in their quaint little suburb, but I think that was also the point of the show.

On a similar note I have never understood how las Vegas of the CSI world is any kind of tourist destination. In reality serial killers (especially sensational ones) are pretty rare to the point where people still talk about oned from decades ago. On CSI a new serial killer like that shows up every year. So why the hell would anyone go to Vegas?