Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[yourpointis]

Only on tv do people go into a public restroom to talk about a person. That person conveniently happens to be in one of the stalls and apparently is unnoticed during this conversation. 

[Taylorh2]

I always thought that cops didn't turn on the light was maybe because the perp would see the cop before the cop saw them,

[DoughGirl]

Only on tv do people go into a public restroom to talk about a person. That person conveniently happens to be in one of the stalls and apparently is unnoticed during this conversation.

This actually happened to my mother. She was in a stall in the ladies at a family party and heard two relatives talking about her. They DID notice her though when she came out and confronted them.

[yourpointis]

This actually happened to my mother. She was in a stall in the ladies at a family party and heard two relatives talking about her. They DID notice her though when she came out and confronted them.

 

Good for her. Those relatives deserved what they got from your mom. Hope it was a good tongue lashing. : ) Nothing tastes better than just desserts. 

[Kel Varnsen]

Cars on TV (even new ones) are still designed using like 1970s technology. Every car has the power to squeal the tires if you hit the gas, and none of them have anti-lock brakes, so when you try and stop the brakes will lock up and the tires will screech. No cars have air bags either so if you are in some kind of high speed chase or you get hit you don't have to worry about it going off.

[ganesh]

It seems like even though the combination of the pill and condoms prevents pregnancy irl by like 99.99999999%, on tv it's 5%.

[yourpointis]

Only on tv do people rip their glasses off for dramatic effect. 

[ganesh]

What? You don't?

[yourpointis]

What? You don't?

 

LOL No but I think I will start. That and whenever I answer the phone instead of saying hello will just bark my last name.

[DittyDotDot]

The only dramatic effect that happens when I take my glasses off is me yelling "son of a bitch" after running into things..

[yourpointis]

The only dramatic effect that happens when I take my glasses off is me yelling "son of a bitch" after running into things..

 

 

Don't feel bad DittyDotDot. I run into things with my glasses on. 

[kassygreene]

Taking off my glasses just makes me unable to see anything clearly more than 4 inches from the tip of my nose.  I think the rip-off-the-glasses thing dates from the days when characters only wore reading glasses, and looking any distance through reading glasses is distracting, if not dizzying.  Back then anyone who really needed glasses on screen usually needed those coke-bottle-bottom glasses, and no one expected those to be removed.  If the glasses weren't thick, they were reading glasses for old age (35+), or a disguise for the hot librarian.  Or Clark Kent.

 

How blind do you have to be to not see that Clark Kent is clearly Superman?  Do people really only look at glasses and hair?

 

Hmphf.

 

At my last job I answered the phone with my full name, because I was a support person, and that is how people knew they got me and not my voicemail, which had to be a pleasant greeting and professionally apologetic invitation to leave a detailed message, since support people were generally called when support was direly needed.  I then had to be very careful answering my personal phone, because if you don't know who you called I'm certainly not going to tell you.

[Rick Kitchen]

Does any woman take off a single earring while talking on the phone, or do they only do that on soap operas?

[kassygreene]

It's only those honking big clip-on earrings that you can do this with, and I think it's partly to make sure it doesn't get tugged off by the handset.  I have lots of fancy earrings myself, but I don't wear the kind that get in the way of a phone.

 

There's probably a reason that pre-dates my somewhat advanced age.  Maybe it was to keep the handset from banging the earring and making noise.  Or to avoid scratching the earring...

 

I dunno.  It seems pretentious, to wear something that gets in the way of conducting your life.  Which is why I don't wear heels...  Only on TV do female action heroes function successfully with "fashionable" heels.  And those recently fashionable leg-breakers, the platform heels - gagh!

[yourpointis]

Does any woman take off a single earring while talking on the phone, or do they only do that on soap operas?

 

 

I would say soap operas and any movie/tv show during the 80s. : )

[AimingforYoko]

Quote

It seems like even though the combination of the pill and condoms prevents pregnancy irl by like 99.99999999%, on tv it's 5%.

Heh, Sarah Shahi of Person of Interest said she was on birth control when she got pregnant, with twins. First time I heard of it happening outside of a sitcom.

Edited January 18, 2015 by AimingforYoko

[shapeshifter]

It seems like even though the combination of the pill and condoms prevents pregnancy irl by like 99.99999999%, on tv it's 5%.

Heh, Sarah Shahi of Person of Interest said she was on birth control when she got pregnant, with twins. First time I heard of it happening outside of a sitcom.

My sister got pregnant while on the pill and having an IUD at the same time. I think effectiveness is more like around 90% for most temporary forms of contraception, but the fertility levels vary too, so that probably makes it seem more like "99.99999999%" if you're looking at the entire population and not just a character in a show with optimal levels of fertility.

[DittyDotDot]

AimingforYoko, on 17 Jan 2015 - 11:17 PM, said:

Heh, Sarah Shahi of Person of Interest said she was on birth control when she got pregnant, with twins. First time I heard of it happening outside of a sitcom.

 

My mom's best friend got pregnant while on birth control. It was many moons ago, but still.

 

ETA: Her husband had a vasectomy too!

Edited January 18, 2015 by DittyDotDot

[janie jones]

How blind do you have to be to not see that Clark Kent is clearly Superman?  Do people really only look at glasses and hair?

I think they do sometimes, or style of dress. I don't wear glasses myself, but I've had two people who do tell me that they've had people not recognize them when they saw them without glasses (my sister actually had someone introduce himself).  I don't know that it has happened to them with the same people on a regular basis though.  Maybe Metropolis is full of people who need glasses themselves.  But still, they should recognize his voice.

 

Regarding birth control, this piece on failure rates of various birth control methods might be of interest. I've known at least one person who got pregnant (with twins) while on the pill and someone else who was conceived after her mom had had her tubes tied.

[ganesh]

Yes, but my point was on tv it happens at like 1000x the actual rate. 

[shapeshifter]

...Regarding birth control, this piece on failure rates of various birth control methods might be of interest....

Wow. That's a lot higher than I guessed. For example, according to that New York Times (not National Inquirer!) piece: After 7 years on The Pill, with "typical use," 48 out of 100 women will get pregnant!

Note: Post edited because on my iPad it was tricky tapping to see the different percentages.

Yes, but my point was on tv it happens at like 1000x the actual rate.

Well, there's also a very high rate of serial killers on TV. ;>) Edited January 18, 2015 by shapeshifter

[kassygreene]

Well, there's also a very high rate of serial killers on TV. ;>)

 

Not to mention that long running series about that very very sweet, clever, polite, immaculately dressed and coiffed serial killer, Jessica Fletcher.  

 

She would have annihilated Dexter.

[ganesh]

She'd eat Dexter for lunch!

[Kromm]

See I never bought the "secret serial killer" explanation for Murder She Wrote. Too complicated and too contradictory to what we saw on screen. What I think instead is that Cabot Cove is a Hellmouth, and murderers are DRAWN there.

[Ceindreadh]

 

 

How blind do you have to be to not see that Clark Kent is clearly Superman?  Do people really only look at glasses and hair?

 

Hmphf.

 

 

Normally I'd agree, but then I saw pics of Brian Dietzen (Jimmy Palmer NCIS ) and Barrett Foa (Eric Beale NCIS LA) without their glasses, and they look completely different.  (or I could just be that unobservant ;-)

[shapeshifter]

See I never bought the "secret serial killer" explanation for Murder She Wrote. Too complicated and too contradictory to what we saw on screen. What I think instead is that Cabot Cove is a Hellmouth, and murderers are DRAWN there.

So can we say Jessica Fletcher was the antecedent to Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

[Tunia]

Why is it that Only On TV do two parties on an introductory first date part company at the restaurant/bar door and always go off in two different directions?  Is there some unwritten law that they can't be parked in the same lot or along the same section of the street?

[ganesh]

I would think if the date went well the guy would offer to walk her to the car/train station too. 

[Proclone]

I was flipping channels tonight and landed on a rerun of Law and Order: SVU and it reminded me of something I always felt was odd with TV cops. They find an injured person check for a pulse and when they don't instantly find it they turn to their partner and say "They don't need to send an ambulance, they're dead." Have these people never heard of CPR? When I worked as an EMT, we were required to attempt to resuscitate anyone found down that didn't have obvious signs of death such as lividity marks, the body being in rigor or if there was brain matter outside of the skull (or if they were just plain missing their head). Very few of the bodies these cops find have any of those things. Quite often the cops are right on the heels of the killers and these people might only have been down a few moments, but they still never start CPR or even let an ambulance arrive and attempt to resuscitate the victim. I guess in TV cop land no one can be saved once they lose a pulse (as opposed to TV medical show land where almost anyone can be brought back no how long they were down and with no long term affects).

[kiddo82]

They also only search for a pulse before about half a second before declaring "they're gone."

With the "big game" looming it bugs me how only on TV do people refer to it as "the big game." We all know what you're talking about and I think it's distracting. (This is also why I don't mind product placement. I'd rather see someone drinking a Snapple than a Drapple). I get it for licensing and advertising reasons, corporations pay good money to be the official pizza/soft drink/tampon sponsor of the Super Bowl, but even the 6:00 news has to say "big game."

[ToxicUnicorn]

but they still never start CPR or even let an ambulance arrive and attempt to resuscitate the victim.

 

I remember reading at TWoP that CPR was regularly depicted with very bad technique.  I'm going to guess the conversation started on the Grey's Anatomy board, but then people said EMTs and police and so forth did it incorrectly, too.

 

Maybe someone decided not to demonstrate CPR incorrectly?  Is it possible TV is trying to be responsible?  (nah)

[Kel Varnsen]

Part of the problem I think is even if the actors know better, correct CPR often means cracking ribs.

[Proclone]

I remember reading at TWoP that CPR was regularly depicted with very bad technique.  I'm going to guess the conversation started on the Grey's Anatomy board, but then people said EMTs and police and so forth did it incorrectly, too.

 

Maybe someone decided not to demonstrate CPR incorrectly?  Is it possible TV is trying to be responsible?  (nah)

 

That particular trope doesn't really bother me as much since performing CPR with completely accurate technique would most likely harm the actor on the receiving end (though one would think a creative enough director could think up a shot where the real actor doesn't need to there and they could use a dummy). Though I have seen better and worse depictions.  I can't think of any TV shows off the bat, but the worst CPR I think I ever seen was probably by Daniel Craig in Casino Royale.  I'll give him credit for actually putting his hands in the right spot but that's about it.  He does about three half hearted compressions and then gives up.  I guess MI6 doesn't require CPR classes in spy training.

 

If they really don't want to depict CPR for whatever reason on certain TV shows they could simply have the cops say, "Don't bother with the ambulance, they're already in rigor. They've been dead hours."

[kassygreene]

I took a Red Cross class in the mid seventies and was taught CPR:  how to do the breathing or the chest compressions (one breath every five compressions), how to do CPR by yourself (one breath every ten or fifteen compressions), how to perform CPR on a child and on an infant, how often to check for a pulse, HOW to check for a pulse in the carotid artery (keep your thumb off the neck, so that you don't suffocate your-ahem-the victim), how to find the correct spot on the sternum for compressions, and how to do the thump.

 

I took the same Red Cross class forty years later and there were only two significant changes - acknowledgement of the possibility of HIV infection apparently made the breathing part kind of optional, and the thump was gone.  Too many fractured sternums.  Nowadays you can usually find a defibrillator.

[Proclone]

I took a Red Cross class in the mid seventies and was taught CPR:  how to do the breathing or the chest compressions (one breath every five compressions), how to do CPR by yourself (one breath every ten or fifteen compressions), how to perform CPR on a child and on an infant, how often to check for a pulse, HOW to check for a pulse in the carotid artery (keep your thumb off the neck, so that you don't suffocate your-ahem-the victim), how to find the correct spot on the sternum for compressions, and how to do the thump.

 

I took the same Red Cross class forty years later and there were only two significant changes - acknowledgement of the possibility of HIV infection apparently made the breathing part kind of optional, and the thump was gone.  Too many fractured sternums.  Nowadays you can usually find a defibrillator.

 

Perhaps slightly off topic, but the reason that rescue breaths are no longer taught to lay people (healthcare workers are still taught to give rescue breaths but we generally have an ambu bag and at least two people administering CPR) is not really to prevent disease transmission (the likelihood of getting HIV from giving someone rescue breaths is really negligible), its because you actually have quite a bit of oxygen in your blood and the crucial thing is to get that blood circulated to the vital organs.  Compressions circulate blood, if you're constantly stopping compressions to administer breaths you're actually depriving those organs of blood and therefore oxygen.  Though to be fair, I believe part of the reason to no longer teach rescue breaths is to increase the likelihood of someone starting CPR since they no longer have to put their mouth on another persons.

[kassygreene]

Yeah, that all makes sense about the breathing.  My instructor didn't touch on oxygenating the blood at all, but she indicated as strongly as she could without saying the words that people were pretty much reluctant to do the breathing.

[Joe]

I thought the proper way to do CPR was, after the breathing and the compressions don't work, break down crying and randomly thumping the body. And if that doesn't work, just give them up for dead. Only then will they start breathing again.

[Ceindreadh]

I thought the proper way to do CPR was, after the breathing and the compressions don't work, break down crying and randomly thumping the body. And if that doesn't work, just give them up for dead. Only then will they start breathing again.

 

I think that only works if you shout "Live damn you, live!!!" while mid compression.

[Ohwell]

They also only search for a pulse before about half a second before declaring "they're gone."

That one gets me every time.   

[ganesh]

Also acceptable: Don't you die on me!

[DittyDotDot]

With the "big game" looming it bugs me how only on TV do people refer to it as "the big game." We all know what you're talking about and I think it's distracting. (This is also why I don't mind product placement. I'd rather see someone drinking a Snapple than a Drapple). I get it for licensing and advertising reasons, corporations pay good money to be the official pizza/soft drink/tampon sponsor of the Super Bowl, but even the 6:00 news has to say "big game."

 

Actually, that's a licensing issue as well. The NFL owns the "Super Bowl" trademark, so it can't be used in advertising and such without permission.

[scarynikki12]

The two worst examples of characters performing CPR were on Vampire Diaries and Grey's Anatomy.  In both cases, the character doing the compressions had their arms bent, positioned at 45 degree angles, and were pushing on the chests very lightly.  The dying characters both came back to life instantly.  Meanwhile I'm sitting there rolling my eyes and remembering my CPR instructor telling us the importance of proper form and how it can lead to successful resuscitation without injuring the helper.

[BatmanBeatles]

Women hate making love with their husbands.

 

When people get their first paycheck they have no idea money gets taken out for taxes...etc.

[ganesh]

I've been getting a paycheck since I was 12. No one on tv had a job until they were 24. 

[topanga]

 

Women hate making love with their husbands.

Or on the flip side, only on TV do women always have a loud, earth-shattering O. Unless the lack of one is a plot device.

[proserpina65]

Ugh, Quincy.  Because only on TV does the Los Angeles medical examiner furiously march out of his facility and wander around LA county, acting as the primary investigator for murders because the actual detectives Just Don't Get It.  That show made my teeth itch. 

 

And only on TV do the CSIs and MEs actively investigate crimes and interview witnesses/suspects instead of the actual detectives in the department.  You know, because they have all that time that they save by not actually processing rape kits, etc.  

This bugs the hell out of me on tv now, but at the time (and yes, I AM dating myself here) I loved Quincy.  I can still watch it without caring, mainly for the nostalgia, I guess.  In my defense, back then I had no real idea what MEs actually did.

[proserpina65]



 

Quote

Only on TV - When someone is being questioned by the police, it seems like everyone already has a lawyer they can call, and they know the phone number by heart.





Word. Sometimes I sit around and ask myself what attorney I would call if I were ever arrested. I know a retired tax attorney and an assistant D.A. I don't think either one would be helpful.

 

I work in a courthouse and know a lot of criminal defense attorneys, but I don't have their phone numbers memorized.  Maybe the helpful police officer who's conducting the interrogation would look it up for me?

 

Actually, there are a couple whose numbers I do know off the top of my head - hey, I could be that only on tv person!

Edited February 4, 2015 by proserpina65

[ganesh]

In every hostage situation on tv, pizza will be delivered.

[Kromm]

Only on TV (for example, on the episode of The Mentalist that just aired), is a large complex operation planned to get a criminal unaware, but some idiot local cop runs his siren--tipping off the criminals.

 

Oh, and a codicil of this (it happened on The Mentalist, of course) is there's always a hostage they can instantly grab a step or two away when that happens.

 

In every hostage situation on tv, pizza will be delivered.

Ah yes, this happened in that SAME Mentalist episode. Edited February 8, 2015 by Kromm

[ganesh]

That's why I posted it. It also happened on Babylon too, but they played the scene for dark humor.