Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[Kromm]

Only on TV do cops stand at the doorstep of a house they want to investigate and have basically the following convo:

 

{Cop 1 is eager to enter the premises.  Cop 2 is ambivalent.}

Cop 2 : "We need probable cause to go inside.."

Cop 1 : "Hear that?"

Cop 2 : "Hear what?"

Cop 1 : "I thought I heard someone crying out for help."

Cop 2 : "I didn't hea.... "

{interrupted by Cop 1 with a glare, a hand gesture, or something.  Cop 1 eases open the door and steps inside.  Cop 2 shrugs and follows.}

[andromeda331]

On the show there's a character from another country be it England, France, etc. At some point they'll go back to home and nearly all their conversations with family, friends, and/or former co-workers will be at national landmarks. 

[Kromm]

On the show there's a character from another country be it England, France, etc. At some point they'll go back to home and nearly all their conversations with family, friends, and/or former co-workers will be at national landmarks. 

I don't know if most shows have the budget for this.

 

If it's a sitcom, I think the actual cliche is that we get some wacky "foreign" version of the show's incidental music, while we get stock exterior shots from wherever they're supposed to be (and that would be Big Ben, or The Eiffel Tower, or whatever).  Then we cut to a (cheaply replicated in Burbank) interior, which is often a distorted mirror of a location the main show uses in their primary setting, but badly re-dressed as "British" or "French". We then meet characters who have extra strong accents, to remind us in yet another way where we "are".

 

If it's a drama, then it depends on the budget, but if they don't have much of one, then the shorthanding of the location is maybe with greenscreening. Or again, it could just again be in a neutral interior set with another actor who especially telegraphs "this is in London or Paris or Budapest or Rome or Hong Kong, or wherever".

[ABay]

Only on TV does EVERYONE pronounce "aunt" as "ahnt". It's a regional pronunciation native to a very small portion of the U.S. population. Most pronounce "aunt" the same as "ant."

 

Harvard Dialect Survey Map for "aunt".

Edited November 3, 2014 by ABay

[BatmanBeatles]

You can insult your friends all you want and they will stay your friends.

[Bruinsfan]

Only on TV does EVERYONE pronounce "aunt" as "ahnt". It's a regional pronunciation native to a very small portion of the U.S. population. Most pronounce "aunt" the same as "ant."

 

Harvard Dialect Survey Map for "aunt".

But it's pronounced that way in New York and Los Angeles. Surely that's all that matters?

[Raja]

On the show there's a character from another country be it England, France, etc. At some point they'll go back to home and nearly all their conversations with family, friends, and/or former co-workers will be at national landmarks. 

It doesn't have to be a foreign national.  I remember a Miami police Lieutenant meeting a LAPD counterpoint at the top of the Hollywood sign. You would think they were undercover and could not meet in a police station. But then even the new police headquarters on The Closer/Major Crimes did not live up to the Metro Dade Crime Lab.

But it's pronounced that way in New York and Los Angeles. Surely that's all that matters?

It is about time all you non Angelenos recognize this fact ;)

[shapeshifter]

Only on TV does EVERYONE pronounce "aunt" as "ahnt". It's a regional pronunciation native to a very small portion of the U.S. population. Most pronounce "aunt" the same as "ant."

 

Harvard Dialect Survey Map for "aunt".

Thank you for this.

Although, having lived on the east coast, midwest, west coast, and Canada, I have anecdotally observed that the difference in pronunciation of "aunt" seems to vary more by ethnicity.

I was raised to say it like "ant," but the other day I said I was like "Auntie Superwoman," and realized it sounded like "anti-superwoman." Heh.

[Shannon L.]

My mom was born and raised in Maine and taught us to say "Ah-nt".  I felt like we were the only ones who ever said pronounced it that way, but one day after I'd moved to California, I was talking to someone and I said something about my aunt and the person smiled and said "Ah-nt...you must be from New England".  Maybe I don't pay much attention, but I still don't hear it pronounced that way very often.

[Bastet]

That map showed a lot of overlap in southern California, but I hear "ant" from a good 90% of the native population (and that's how I say it).  And, yes, now that you mention it, many of those I know who say "ahnt" are from New England.  While I - for reasons unknown even to me - keep a loose mental tally of "ant" vs. "ahnt" in classic films, I really don't pay much attention to how TV characters pronounce it.

[Kromm]

But it's pronounced that way in New York and Los Angeles. Surely that's all that matters?

I know that's a shot at the fact that the entertainment industry is built around those locations and their attitudes... but actually for the most part it's NOT pronounced that way in either of those places.  Those maps are misleading, because you can see some red bleeding over from New England into New York... but on the version with the blue dots you can see the more pedestrian "ant" actually overwhelms that in New York.

[ABay]

Surely that's all that matters?

Don't call me Shirley!

[Rick Kitchen]

Only on TV does EVERYONE pronounce "aunt" as "ahnt". It's a regional pronunciation native to a very small portion of the U.S. population. Most pronounce "aunt" the same as "ant."

 

Harvard Dialect Survey Map for "aunt".

 

There's an actor on Days of Our Lives whose character has two aunts on the show, and he calls one of them Awnt and one of them Ant.  It gives me whiplash.

[MaryMitch]

There's an actor on Days of Our Lives whose character has two aunts on the show, and he calls one of them Awnt and one of them Ant.  It gives me whiplash.

That's actually pretty cool. I can imagine that a kid would do that if the 2 sides of the family had different pronunciations. When my sister's kids were little, they had no idea that "Ant" wasn't part of my name.

[ABay]

Only on TV do all women wax their pubic area.

[shapeshifter]

I was born and raised in So Cal as was my family and all of my friends and never heard anyone say 'awhnt' except on Masterpiece Theatre. But when I got older and met African Americans at work (I know) suddenly I found that they all said 'awhnt' instead of 'ant'.  I always associated it with their upbringing and the fact that most of their families or extended families were from the south or northeast.  Never in a million years did I consider it a So Cal thing. Although there are so many transplants to So Cal that you're likely to hear anything at all in Los Angeles at this point.

I'm pretty sure it is an ethnic thing too separate from the geographic thing.

[Portia]

This is a weird one that annoys me beyond all rationality. I hate it when a person is depicted taking a pill without a sip of water and just swallows it down like it's no big deal. I'm not saying it's impossible to take a pill "dry," but it sure isn't as easy as they make it seem. Would that it were! I always seem to be remembering my medication when I'm stuck someplace without a beverage.

Edited November 10, 2014 by Portia

[HalcyonDays]

Only on TV do all women wax their pubic area.

 

And so do most of the men...along with waxing their chest! At least that's what it appears to be. Burt Reynolds they are not!

[Rick Kitchen]

And so do most of the men...along with waxing their chest! At least that's what it appears to be. Burt Reynolds they are not!

 

Except for "crazy hairy Rob Lowe".  Ick.

[shapeshifter]

Only on TV (or movies, but mostly TV) does a guy get beat up and/or tortured to the point where he can barely walk, and yet his wife/girlfriend/fiancee, upon seeing him for the first time after the beginning of the life threatening ordeal, runs up to him and hugs him tightly. Ouch.

[Portia]

Only on TV (or movies, but mostly TV) does a guy get beat up and/or tortured to the point where he can barely walk, and yet his wife/girlfriend/fiancee, upon seeing him for the first time after the beginning of the life threatening ordeal, runs up to him and hugs him tightly. Ouch.

. . . or, if she's Amber on Parenthood, climbs atop him in his hospital bed and impregnates herself while he's all "ow ow OWWW!"

Edited November 11, 2014 by Portia

[lucindabelle]

New Yorker here, and it's ant. Dad was from Boston and his was ahnt.

[Wings]

Raised in Michigan and it is ant. 

[anstar]

OK I'll chime in.  I'm in Texas.  I have mostly ants, but have a couple of ain'ts as in Ain't Ethel, or Auntie (Aintie) for short. Never had any ahnts though.

[selkie]

This is a weird one that annoys me beyond all rationality. I hate it when a person is depicted taking a pill without a sip of water and just swallows it down like it's no big deal.

 

Unless the a prescription says I've got to take it with water, I really do prefer to swallow pills dry, and never have a problem doing so, even with pretty large pills. So it does happen in real life with a few people.

[lucindabelle]

See on the good wife. Only on tv do today's colleges strong arm a rape victim and routinely show bias for the accused. Fear of lawsuit and press runs too high, not saying jsutice is done but the bullying of victims is a tv cliche.

[Bastet]

Not in my experience (professional, not personal), unfortunately.

Edited November 12, 2014 by Bastet

[ethalfrida]

See on the good wife. Only on tv do today's colleges strong arm a rape victim and routinely show bias for the accused. Fear of lawsuit and press runs too high, not saying jsutice is done but the bullying of victims is a tv cliche.

I read a huge article last summer on just the opposite. It was in LA Weekly and a very sad read...

[Featherhat]

Yeah I wish I could say that it was a stupid outdated trope, but I don't think it is. From the "cliché" schools covering for famous/outstanding athletes in exchange for prestige and money to extremely strict Christian schools where the *victim* is in danger of and/or gets expelled for violation of the sexual conduct code if she (usually she) reports an attack, it definitely still seems to exist.

[lucindabelle]

After I posted that I read a long article in New York mag about a woman dragging her mattress around on the campus of Columbia, so I guess it's not true. I just think it was portrayed very heavy handedly with the crotchety prof and the idiot peer.

[ganesh]

Only on tv when there's a lie detector test, someone will say "yeah? check the lie detector?" And then someone else will say, "there totally unreliable." THEN DON'T DO THEM.

[shapeshifter]

Only on TV does someone call the hero for help on a bright sunny day, the hero responds with, "I'll be there in 10 minutes!" and does arrive 10 minutes later in what appears to be a dark and stormy, middle of the night.

I don't think it happens in movies because they have more time to film scenes.

[ganesh]

This isn't anything tv specific, but I hate when anything in life that's remotely scandalous is reported as something-gate. 

[MaryMitch]

This isn't anything tv specific, but I hate when anything in life that's remotely scandalous is reported as something-gate. 

And if you like something you're a ___-aholic.  

[Shannon L.]

 

This isn't anything tv specific, but I hate when anything in life that's remotely scandalous is reported as something-gate.

And if you like something you're a ___-aholic.

And  everything is now an event:  a weather event, a snow event, a rain event.  I think I've heard shopping event, too, around the holidays, but it's mostly a weather thing.

[Kromm]

And  everything is now an event:  a weather event, a snow event, a rain event.  I think I've heard shopping event, too, around the holidays, but it's mostly a weather thing.

How about (also often related to Weather, but also has other creative uses) adding "geddon" or "ageddon" to the end of something?  

[shapeshifter]

How about (also often related to Weather, but also has other creative uses) adding "geddon" or "ageddon" to the end of something?

Didn't they have "carmageddon" on the LA freeways?

[ganesh]

It seems like an only on tv thing, but the cops always say they can get a warrant, but that you should just let them search your house now because it will save time and if they come back they'll tear the place up. 

[Raja]

Didn't they have "carmageddon" on the LA freeways?

There were two planned carmageddons when a bridge was being destroyed. The area was avoided and the catastrophe didn't happen. However normal everyday traffic especially around construction zones happen without the carmageddon prophesies warning us.

Edited November 30, 2014 by Raja

[Rick Kitchen]

Didn't they have "carmageddon" on the LA freeways?

 

They keep telling us about all of the horrible things that are going to happen with carmageddon that never do.

[ganesh]

So, it's like real armageddon then.

[Ohwell]

I hate that my local news station's weather report is on permanent 'StormWatch'. When there are no storms. July, perfect sunny weather: Stomwatch!  It's just regular normal every day weather. It doesn't need the drama every. single. day.  Drives me nuts.

Where I live its "tune in to Storm Team 4" (on channel 4) constantly, even when it's sunny and warm.  Idjits.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

And if you like something you're a ___-aholic.  

 

That's probably because Only On TV do you get addicted to things instantaneously.

[MaryPatShelby]

Where I live its "tune in to Storm Team 4" (on channel 4) constantly, even when it's sunny and warm.  Idjits.

Not only that, they make every little thing seem like the Worst Storm Ever. Even if it's just going to rain, or snow 2 inches, we have to have 14 weather maps, and preparedness graphics, and reminders about car maintenance and raincoats/umbrellas.....sigh.

[ABay]

And extra time during commercial breaks so you miss the first minute of the show you're watching afterward. I still hold a grudge against one local station that ran over because of some minor weather event during Buffy. I completely missed the scene of Principle Wood burying a body...which was kind of important since it was a big clue about the character. Because it was much more important that we be told, at length, that it was going to rain.

[Rick Kitchen]

Not only that, they make every little thing seem like the Worst Storm Ever. Even if it's just going to rain, or snow 2 inches, we have to have 14 weather maps, and preparedness graphics, and reminders about car maintenance and raincoats/umbrellas.....sigh.

 

I am currently watching our local news and the lead news story is that there is going to be a storm in three days!

[Cobalt Stargazer]

I don't know where ya'll live, but here in NC we get weather alerts up the wazoo whenever there's going to be so much as a spit of snow. The newscasters will be very serious when they're talking about approaching weather fronts and whatnot, as if we're about to get New York-ed with snow, and then eight times out of ten it'll be the wimpy equivalent of a drizzle that melts in a day. Not that it stops people from raiding the grocery stores and stocking up on all the eggs, milk, and bread. It's as if they think French toast will sustain them if they get snowed in.

Edited December 9, 2014 by Cobalt Stargazer

[Wings]

In Florida we get programs interrupted for "bands of rain."   It is tropical, of course we are going to get rain.  There is precious little for weathermen to do down here until hurricane season comes and oh my god.  We are told of invests and tropical depressions off the coast of Africa that may result in a hurricane, they are keeping an eye on it for us and will let us know.  And they do let us know, constantly, knowing it is no threat.  We have the internet, guys, and we can get the computer models on weatherunderground.com.   We know it is not coming anywhere near us. 

Edited December 9, 2014 by wings707

[lucindabelle]

Y'all make me laugh. I lived in Alabama for four years, though I am a Jersey girl, and I used to cry with laughter at the Alabamians raiding the grocery stores and stocking up and panicking over the less than an inch powdery flurry.

And nobody, but nobody, knew how to drive in ice...

 

then again, people were very calm during tornado warnings.

[ganesh]

It's ridiculously obvious when a man is checking out a woman on tv. He arches his back like he's pole vaulting. When irl, it's done with barely looking up from your phone.