Best Quotes from the show

[TicketToHellPaid]

I won't steal the obvious from those that made some of the best their screen names here, you guys have the honor, please everyone, share some favorite quotes.

 

one of my faves is when Gilbert told Lupe "to pray to Jesus to change your frickin' attitude"

Penny

 

"nobody said I'd have to lose weight after surgery" (something like that)

 

"I can clean my own vagina"

[Elizabeth9]

"WHERES MY YELLOW BRICK ROAD?!"

Penny...obviously...

[TicketToHellPaid]

"When I saw her my mouth fell open"

the juggalos

[Ocean Chick]

"But it's frayyyyyyyyyed!"

James K obviously.

[4leafclover]

"Oh meh leggggggs!"  James K.

"How y'all doin'?"  and  "What is your eating habit?"  Dr. Now

Edited March 24, 2017 by 4leafclover

[xwordfanatik]

"This is not a good situation."

I do like Dr. Now!

[Otter]

"Where's my Yellow Brick Road?"

"Do you want some ice cream?"  "YES!!!"

"I can't live without wontons"

Penny and Edgar.  

"My fiance ..."

I can't think of her name, but the woman with the butt wings, engaged to her daughter's uncle who is the same age as her daughter.  That was just one weird relationship.  He liked that disability check I guess.

2 hours ago, Elizabeth9 said:

"WHERES MY YELLOW BRICK ROAD?!"

Penny...obviously...

Oops, I stole your's downthread!  Sorry!  I have yet to actually use it in RL.  :D

[Elizabeth9]

14 hours ago, Otter said:

"Where's my Yellow Brick Road?"

"Do you want some ice cream?"  "YES!!!"

"I can't live without wontons"

Penny and Edgar.  

"My fiance ..."

I can't think of her name, but the woman with the butt wings, engaged to her daughter's uncle who is the same age as her daughter.  That was just one weird relationship.  He liked that disability check I guess.

Oops, I stole your's downthread!  Sorry!  I have yet to actually use it in RL.  :D

Oh I use it all the time!

[Katt]

My fave is actually from these boards: Does this mattress make me look fat?
Kudos to that poster! ROFLMAO!

[gardendiva]

"I know what my body needs." 

--Penny

[dahling]

"You weigh over 500 pounds, you are not going to starve to death."

-- Dr. Now

[Elizabeth9]

The one where James says he's going to double down, prove Dr Now wrong...he's going all the way.

"Do you want to lift some weights?"

"Not right now, no."

[Trees]

Other than the Yellow-Brick Road and Ow Mah Legs, this one stands out:

Tanisha, the religious nut and very uncooperative patient, standing on the scale to see if she had lost 50 pounds.  She only had lost 11. She thought this was remarkable, something to celebrate.  So among her shouts of joy, she exclaimed, "Look! At! God!"

(I'm picture God quipping back,"Don't blame me for that mess!")

3 minutes ago, Elizabeth9 said:

The one where James says he's going to double down, prove Dr Now wrong...he's going all the way.

"Do you want to lift some weights?"

"Not right now, no."

And, along those lines, from his weight-lifting, he holds out his flabby arm and says, "Rock hard!"

[gonecrackers]

Not sure if this was posted or not but when James said he needed something to eat in defense of Lisa bringing him food he wasn't supposed to have...

Dr. Now  "You don't need something to eat you have 800 pounds food in you"

[DC Gal in VA]

From our dear Kirsten's episode:

"I just want to go home and sleep in my own bed and puke in my own bucket"

This quote was posted by Giant Misfit during the Kirsten discussion.

Great catch Giant Misfit!

[Ocean Chick]

"You have 800 pound of food in you!" - Dr. Now to James.

[Dru Blood]

On 3/24/2017 at 7:08 PM, Otter said:

I can't think of her name, but the woman with the butt wings, engaged to her daughter's uncle who is the same age as her daughter.  That was just one weird relationship.  He liked that disability check I guess.

I think her name was Charity.  And her daughter's name was Charlie.

My vote would have to be

1. - Penny - "Aye cahn't live without whannn-tons!"  Uhgg.

2. - James - "Yay! Foood!" after Lisa comes in with the big bag of Chinese.

3. - James - "You only gave me one little tiny egg roll"

[DC Gal in VA]

Dru Blood your post reminded me of another what I call "James-ism" during the infamous Chinese food scene. Paraphrasing:

Lisa: To James as he hands her his plate with food actually left on it, "You done with that?" 

James: "Yeah, gotta save room for DEEssert!" which turned out to be large slab of cheesecake.

The way he sort of gleefully growled that sentence like an animal gave me the shivers. Wonder exactly how many plates he actually had at that point--maybe four or five?--since Lisa came back with several large bags of food.

Edited March 26, 2017 by DC Gal in VA
To correct spelling and typos.

[leighroda]

This is kinda a random one, I don't know why but I find it funny...

in Betty Jo's episode when they are making hamburger helper and Betty Jo suggests having green beans as a side and her husband is incredulous about the idea of having stroganoff and green beans together, like she just suggested adding ketchup to their ice cream.

[Trees]

Paraphrased from Marla, Penny, Dottie and others.....

"The doctor just doesn't understand me. I need to do this my own way.

From Dottie, commenting on Dr Now's diet instructions for food and quantities: "I don't agree with him about portion sizes."

She then proceeded to say that she'd change this way - his choice of food, her choice of portion sizes.

[gonecrackers]

Dr. Now handing a paper to Nicole - "diiis is foods to awoid, diiiis is not your grocery list."

Edited March 26, 2017 by gonecrackers

[gonecrackers]

Dr. Now to everyone he's seen - "...show me you can do dis."

[gardendiva]

Nicole, after trying to flop her bulk onto the hotel bed on wheels and it rolled: (paraphrasing) "What kind of hotel uses wood on their floors?!"

[Trees]

Dr Now, upon hearing rare good news, "Super!"

[Aw my lahgs]

James:

The scale has to be wrong or sumthin'

[Lizz]

  So many good ones mentioned and I'll think of more, but if I have to pick my best ever,  it's Penny to Dr. Now:

"I can clean my own vagina now."

I mean, the hell???!!  Dr. Now just talked right on with a straight face and I think her long-suffering son was there.

[chickenella]

Ever since seeing the James episode I find myself, when walking into a room with people in it (like my family, co-workers and such) I say "How y'all doing?"

3 hours ago, Lizz said:

"I can clean my own vagina now."

She really said that? I have to find that episode!

[Dru Blood]

15 hours ago, DC Gal in VA said:

The way he sort of gleefully growled that sentence like an animal gave me the shivers.

Too true!  That man doesn't get excited about sex!  He get's excited about food, it's his girlfriend after all!  Bleh.

13 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

"diiis is foods to awoid, diiiis is not your grocery list."

Bwahhha!!  I had forgotten this!!  Too funny!!!

[Otter]

18 hours ago, chickenella said:

Ever since seeing the James episode I find myself, when walking into a room with people in it (like my family, co-workers and such) I say "How y'all doing?"

She really said that? I have to find that episode!

Penny is the classic, at least until James.  There's a follow up too.  There are myriad of quotes from her including dissing moms who aren't bedridden because of massive overeating.  She's the smartest person who ever lived and is an expert on everything -- just ask her.  

[Trees]

Mandatory scripted lines from every damned show, usually repeated constantly:

"... and I know I'm making great progress."
"This my LAST chance."
"I NEED to do this or I am going to DIE."

They always make them emphasize those same words.  Every show.

They make them say this so often and usually while they're just showing stupid stuff.  What's more interesting is how they work at it after seeing Dr. Now.

[AZChristian]

"I cheated a little."  (Usually spoken by those who have managed to GAIN WEIGHT after Dr. Now sends them off with a diet plan and orders to lose 50 pounds.

[Wings]

On 3/26/2017 at 2:19 PM, Trees said:

From Dottie, commenting on Dr Now's diet instructions for food and quantities: "I don't agree with him about portion sizes."

She then proceeded to say that she'd change this way - his choice of food, her choice of portion sizes.

This is hysterical! 

[Muffyn]

Adding to the things they all say list that @Trees started above:

"I HAAAAAAVE to do this." (Most frustrating when spoken in a whispery, baby voice.  Zsalynn was nails on a chalkboard to me.)

"I am doing this for my children."  (At which point I burst out with my best Helen Lovejoy "Won't somebody think of the children!"  Because you know some of these folks are really thinking of the children when they ask them to wipe their asses.)

Dr. Now:  "You are killing him!"  

[TicketToHellPaid]

Omg, you guys are making me lmao, this show...this show..it never fails. 

[DrNowsWeightScale]

So many good quotes already in this thread.

About anything by James K, like, "Ow, mah legs," and "But it's Fraad rice" (when his girlfriend tells him rice is on the "do not eat" list).

I don't know if this is a favorite quote of mine, but it was so weird.  On one show, the one where Gareth (or whatever his name was, the guy with an accent who had a "fat fetish") was married to ZsaLynn, and he explained his rationale for being attracted to large women with this comment:

"Why settle for a hot dog when you can have a steak."

[DrNowsWeightScale]

5 hours ago, Muffyn said:

"I am doing this for my children."  (At which point I burst out with my best Helen Lovejoy "Won't somebody think of the children!"  Because you know some of these folks are really thinking of the children when they ask them to wipe their asses.)

Thank you, yes. I don't like that. I don't think losing weight for someone else is a good or healthy motivation.

It was like the episode where the weepy Chuck was telling Nissa, "Don't do me like this, please! I'll lose the weight for you."

But Nissa got it. She told him something like, "You can't do it for me. It has to be FOR YOU. I cannot be the reason you live, breath and everything else."

[TicketToHellPaid]

Pauline, a sizzling hot nympho in her words

"My bed is strengthened and, although I can’t buy sexy lingerie, I drape a nice sheet over me.” I wonder if she hollers for her son to bring her greasy to-go food while her ex is pleasing her.  

 

[Tabbygirl521]

I am sorry but I just can't understand how there is access to her love tunnel. 

I just cracked myself up and barfed at the same time. Hope I don't COV*

*Choke On Vomit

[Banshee]

Whenever Dr. Now asks a bed-bound patient "And how does the food get into the house?" 

Seriously, everyone above has already covered my favorites. Though I'm partial to "Nobody told me I was gonna have to lose weight here!" and Pauline (?) tearfully telling Dr.Now "I HAVE MADE YOU MY EARTHLY GOD!"

Edited April 2, 2017 by Banshee
Accuracy?

[xwordfanatik]

"He better get his poop in a group."  Penny, talking about Dr. Now's order that she be given a soft diet.  Along with "nobody told me I had to lose weight when I got here."

Dear Penny.  She is the smartest person who ever walked the earth.  Oh wait, she doesn't want to do that!

[fonfereksglen]

Another Penny quote which was used at the beginning of every Season 2 episode - 

"Sometimes it feels like I'm dead -- like that I'm not alive."

[islandgal140]

Dr. Now's equivalent of you ain't got to go home, but you got to get the hell up outta here: "I will have you dropped off at a homeless shelter!" said to Steven who said he had nowhere to go when he was getting his out kicked out of the hospital because he continued to abuse the staff in spite of Dr. Now's warning. 

The sheer savagery! I love it!

Edited April 3, 2017 by islandgal140

[Calicocats]

Dr Now on Steven:  He's signed His death certificate, the only thing missing is the date

ETA STUPID AUTOCORRECT!!!!!

Edited April 6, 2017 by Calicocats

[Banshee]

Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting whether it was Penny or Pauline: "OWIE...I hurt my tooooe."

I don't know if she was the same one who thanked an aide for being so nice to her while she was being weighed, as if everyone else at the hospital had been torturing her just trying to get her out of bed.

And when one patient had stayed in bed "only" for 4 days post-op, and Dr Now replied: "Everybody goes home on the second day." Maybe it was "third," but that lady would still be in the hospital today if Dr. Now had permitted it.  

[xwordfanatik]

43 minutes ago, Banshee said:

Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting whether it was Penny or Pauline: "OWIE...I hurt my tooooe."

I don't know if she was the same one who thanked an aide for being so nice to her while she was being weighed, as if everyone else at the hospital had been torturing her just trying to get her out of bed.

And when one patient had stayed in bed "only" for 4 days post-op, and Dr Now replied: "Everybody goes home on the second day." Maybe it was "third," but that lady would still be in the hospital today if Dr. Now had permitted it.  

Great post!  It was dear Pauline who said "owie."  And, she stayed in bed so long, that Dr. Now had to put something in her leg so she wouldn't get a blood clot.  All because she didn't want to walk.

Another Pauline goodie:  "C'mon, Dillie," when Dillon drove to the grocery store, and she used her motorized chair.  She was so eager to get in there and gobble tamales.  That baby talk was just weird.  Poor Dillon.

[aliya]

On 4/1/2017 at 6:53 PM, TicketToHellPaid said:

Pauline, a sizzling hot nympho in her words

"My bed is strengthened and, although I can’t buy sexy lingerie, I drape a nice sheet over me.” I wonder if she hollers for her son to bring her greasy to-go food while her ex is pleasing her.  

 

Jeez Louise - does she have a trash can in her living room????  (in the fireplace)  And while I think that when my son was young, he might have thought this was a good idea, I can't believe a woman would want to decorate like this.

[fliptopbox]

whoops, wrong thread!

Edited April 6, 2017 by fliptopbox

[Pretty5Vacant]

Joshua- "hamburger helper and green beans?"

Bettie Jo..when she says, "really Josh-wah?"

[AZChristian]

Steven when Dr. Now confronted him with the report on his multiple trips to emergency rooms for drugs:  "I don't want to be here anymore.  I want to leave now."

[IOU Payne]

I have to rewatch Part 2 of the Assanti Shit Show to get the quote straight, but at one point Steven is yelling at his father and says something to the effect of "Are your ears stuffed with potatoes?"  Da fuq?

Steven:  "I'm done talking to you".

Dr. Now:  "You're not done listening."