Quotes: What I said was, 'Give me ALL the bacon and eggs you have'

[ElectricBoogaloo 76,869]

How is there not already a thread for quotes?! [insert Tom Haverford face here]

 

This week's golden advice from Ron is something I want to print and send to every high school girl:

Live your life the way you'd like but don't confuse drama for happiness.

[King of Birds 1,744]

Shouldn't this thread be called

"What I said was, 'Give me ALL the bacon and eggs you have'" -?

[saoirse 21,358]

Done!

[BoogieBurns 6,569]

"Stop. Poopin."

[MMLEsq 2,254]

"Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."

      --- Ron (Sweet Sixteen; S4, E16)

[scrambled eggs 815]

"That isn't my favorite shirt. But it is my least-favorite shirt."

[April Bloodgate 904]

Insert every one of Leslie's weirdly complimentary descriptions of Ann here.

[BoogieBurns 6,569]

"Ann, you beautiful rule-breaking moth."

[ElectricBoogaloo 76,869]

Ginuwine: Lil Sebastian, this one is for you because you're my pony.

Andy: I can't believe Michael Bay spent $1 billion of his own money to build [Alcatraz] for The Rock.

Ginuwine: Damn, Donna. Why you gotta bring the Quackson Five into this?

[Izzyboy 237]

"His favorite movie...is books!"

[BoogieBurns 6,569]

"I call eggs 'pre-birds'"

[MMLEsq 2,254]

"There's been a mistake.  You've accidentally given me the food that my food eats."  Ron

[JennDear77 159]

"You had me at meat tornado"

"Whale tail. She's flashing a whale tail."

"Punk ass book jockies!"

[King of Birds 1,744]

Leslie: "One time when I was in high school a guy's mom called me and broke up with me for him. There was another time when I was on a date and I tripped and broke my kneecap, and then the guy said he wasn't feeling it, so he left and I waited for an ambulance. One time I was dating this guy for awhile, and then he got down on one knee and he begged me to never call him again. One guy broke up with me while we were in the shower together. Skywriting isn't always positive. Another time a guy invited me to a beautiful picnic with wine and flowers. And then when I tried to sit down, he said, 'Don't eat anything. Rebecca's coming.'  And then he broke up with me."

 

Whenever I see skywriting, don't you HAVE to read it, to see if it's negative? Like,  "It's not you, it's me"  -- in the sky. I hope to live to see this happen.

[BoogieBurns 6,569]

"Do I look like I drink water?" - Donna

 

"I'm not crying! I'm allergic to jerks." - Andy 

Edited June 25, 2014 by BoogieBurns

[scrambled eggs 815]

Assault should be legal if the person is a jerk. 

[BoogieBurns 6,569]

"And I will be providing my world-famous... $100 lap dances" - April (The debate episode)

 

"Hi ya’ll! I’m Trish. I’m 22 years old. I’ve been on YouTube. I just, I love to hang out with my friends. I love to laugh. I love the summertime, and going to the beach. And I love... wearing bikinis at the beach with... everyone there." (Beauty Pageant Episode)

Edited June 30, 2014 by BoogieBurns

[BoogieBurns 6,569]

"You look like Encyclopedia Brown" 

[Kip Hackman 2,445]

"Can you Photoshop your life with better decisions, Jerry?"

[Petunia13 42,854]

My dad owns this place. I'm Janet. Janet Snakehole.

Edited August 3, 2014 by Petunia13

[The Crazed Spruce 6,554]

"Ron and Diane, up in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I!"

[Petunia13 42,854]

"When the Ann's away the mice will get perms."- Leslie smiles

[BoogieBurns 6,569]

"Time is money. Money is power. Power is pizza. Pizza is knowledge." - April

[purplemouth 323]

Whenever I play trivia and the category is "people", I always blurt out "...places, and things". One of my favorite April moments.

[Eeksquire 1,691]

I love Leslie's whole tirade about why she shot Ron (when she didn't): "I have a high tolerance for pain, I'm bad at math and ... I'm stupid."

[biakbiak 97,032]

My best friend's three year old has taken to saying "Are you Nell? From the movie Nell," whenever someone asks her to do something she doesn't want to do.

Edited September 2, 2014 by biakbiak

[Petunia13 42,854]

I love Leslie's whole tirade about why she shot Ron (when she didn't): "I have a high tolerance for pain, I'm bad at math and ... I'm stupid."

"Bitches be crazy."

[Mayonegg 57]

Ron: I hope the rest of your day is cool beans.

Ron and Tammy's 4x02

[Inquisitionist 7,106]

Leslie: Look, I’m really sorry.  I put a new romance in front of an old friendship.
Tom: Okay.
Leslie: I put a beautiful man in front of an adorable man-child.
Tom: You’re ruining it.
Leslie: I put a big white stallion in front of a little brown pony.
Tom: Totally uncalled for.

[Mayonegg 57]

Andy: I tried to make Raman in the coffee pot, and I broke everything.

[Mayonegg 57]

Ann: Jogging is the worst! I know it keeps you healthy, but at what cost?

[Mayonegg 57]

Chris: Nothing. The silent killer.

Andy: Minimum champion! (This has become my nickname within my family. We're very loving)

[Mayonegg 57]

Jamm: I don't mean to brag but I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

[Mayonegg 57]

Sewage Joe: If your looking for weed, I am also looking.

[Mayonegg 57]

Andy: (about old women flashing during the Valentines day dance) If that happens here my eyes will fall out of my head and I will die. I cannot emphasise how often I quote this line.

[King of Birds 1,744]

Ron: I am starving. I haven't had lunch since yesterday, so I'm gonna head over to Callaghan's.

Andy: No- no-no. Don't go there, they totally skimp on pickles. Let me go to Big Head Joe's for you. They have the most *insane* burritos.

Ron: I don't much go for ethnic food.

Andy: Trust me. They have one that's called "The Meat Tornado." Literally killed a guy last year.

Ron: You had me at "Meat Tornado."

 

----

Ron: Andy, this was delicious.

Andy: It's awesome huh?

Ron: It's a whole new meat delivery system.

[Falafel 340]

Girl doesn't even know who Ginuwine is.

[SallyAlbright 6,912]

Leslie: Forget it! Jean-Ralphio!
Jean-Ralphio: [immediately appears] Yes, I'm here!
Leslie: Dance up on me!

 

...I may or may not use this very often when I'm out dancing/drinking/breathing with friends.

 

Donna: This "Snake Juice" is basically rat poison. Everybody's wasted.
[cuts to a drunk and crying Leslie]
Leslie: She didn't even know one thing, I didn't even say one thing and then she asked me the whole thing and I didn't even do it once!
[cuts to a drunk Tom]
Tom: I'm like an elephant, OK? If I walk into a room, it's like OK, he's in there.
[cuts to a drunk and giggling Ben]
Ben: Baba booey.
[cuts to a drunk Andy]
Andy: Turn this music down. [singing] Farts and boobs and love and stuff... macaroni salad...
[cuts to a drunk April]
April: [rapidly speaks Spanish]
[cuts to a drunk Ron, who is wearing April's hat and dancing frantically]

 

Ben: Leslie, we have to go hire a new PR director for the health department.
Leslie: Oh my god I'm so hungover. I've never been this hungover.
Ben: I feel great. I ran 5K this morning.
Leslie: Really?
Ben: No, I threw up in the shower.

 

Ron: When I walked in this morning and saw the flag at half mast, I thought, 'Great. Another bureaucrat ate it.' But when I found out it was Li'l Sebastian, [sobs] Half-mast is too high. Show some damn respect!

 

Leslie: I was uh, dropping my niece off.
Ann: What's your niece's name?
Leslie: Torpel. What?! I don't know. That's not a name. I don't have a niece... my niece's name is Stephanie?

 

"Torpel" gets me every time.

[A Beaverhausen 41]

Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat, and cats are pointless.

[April Bloodgate 904]

Leslie: Forget it! Jean-Ralphio!

Jean-Ralphio: [immediately appears] Yes, I'm here!

Leslie: Dance up on me!

 

...I may or may not use this very often when I'm out dancing/drinking/breathing with friends.

 

Donna: This "Snake Juice" is basically rat poison. Everybody's wasted.

[cuts to a drunk and crying Leslie]

Leslie: She didn't even know one thing, I didn't even say one thing and then she asked me the whole thing and I didn't even do it once!

[cuts to a drunk Tom]

Tom: I'm like an elephant, OK? If I walk into a room, it's like OK, he's in there.

[cuts to a drunk and giggling Ben]

Ben: Baba booey.

[cuts to a drunk Andy]

Andy: Turn this music down. [singing] Farts and boobs and love and stuff... macaroni salad...

[cuts to a drunk April]

April: [rapidly speaks Spanish]

[cuts to a drunk Ron, who is wearing April's hat and dancing frantically]

 

Ben: Leslie, we have to go hire a new PR director for the health department.

Leslie: Oh my god I'm so hungover. I've never been this hungover.

Ben: I feel great. I ran 5K this morning.

Leslie: Really?

Ben: No, I threw up in the shower.

These quotes illustrate why this is the best episodes of that show and why it's one of the best episodes of TV period.

[BoogieBurns 6,569]

"Torpel" gets me every time.

 

 

Torpel is the best fake name in the history of American sitcoms. 

 

"I was supposed to have a rock fight with this crazy guy. He's like 20 minutes late." 

"Instant sugar high. Sugah high high! WOAH! Sugar slam!" 

 

"I love Slurp HD. Have you guys seen Ultimate Battle Smoothie?"

Edited October 19, 2014 by BoogieBurns

[amaranta 2,478]

Every so often, I'll sing or hum while doing chores.  The other day I realized I was singing The Pit.

 

 

"I call eggs pre-birds"

 

 

I just mentioned this in another thread.  I love the whole speech.

 

[Izzyboy 237]

Jean-Ralphio: "When life gives you lemons, steal your grandma's jewelry and go clubbin"

[TeeVee329 71,440]

April: Yeah, so can we adopt you as our grandma?

 

Ethel Beavers: Fine.

 

Andy and April: Cool! We love you, Grandma!

Edited February 18, 2015 by TeeVee329

[Peace Please 57]

These quotes illustrate why this is the best episodes of that show and why it's one of the best episodes of TV period.

HELP!  Can anyone tell me what epi this is?  I've watched the entire series but you guys have recall that my dead, old brain cells just do not!  Thanks!

[TeeVee329 71,440]

HELP!  Can anyone tell me what epi this is?  I've watched the entire series but you guys have recall that my dead, old brain cells just do not!  Thanks!

 

The quotes when everyone is drunk on Snake Juice?  It's a season three episode, "The Fight".

[Peace Please 57]

Thank you SO MUCH, TeeVee329!!

[Peace Please 57]

I wasn't really happy with the last two episodes so I've been watching some repeats, guaranteed tear-jerkers or LOL-ers.  So...here's my favorite quote ever:  I love you and I like you. 

 

Sigh.  The best.

Edited February 18, 2015 by Peace Please

[TeeVee329 71,440]

I love Leslie's whole tirade about why she shot Ron (when she didn't): "I have a high tolerance for pain, I'm bad at math and ... I'm stupid."

 

That whole tirade was amazing. 

 

"I stepped in something icky!"

 

"Are you single?"

[RustbeltWriter 1,494]

Ron: "What the %$#@ is a German muffin?"