Quotes: Get Ready for a Large File Transfer!

[SnoGirl]

Gordon: I'm trapped here. That's not possible! What did you do!?

Fitz: Science, Biatch.

[myril]

(the benefits of a lazy holiday with no good weather)

from season 2 final

May: Where is Skye?

Simmons: How are you feeling?

May: I have a headache, and I asked a question.

Hunter: Forget about the plane. Can you pull up the ...

Fitz: Footage from Bobbi, from the base... before she left. Good idea.

Hunter: You kow, I am capable pf finishing my own ...

Fitz: Sentences. Yes you are. I'm sorry.

Coulson: You want to tell me what you're really doing here?

Cal: Sure. I'm a present, a gift horse... a peace offering from my family. I'm also an excellent Shangai rummy partner.

Hunter: (about Bobbi) Yeah, and that's the woman that once set my 1967 Covertible GTO on fire.

Bobbi: If I ever apologize or beg for mercy while you torture me, know that I don't mean a word of it. Not a word.

Cal: I'm not a polar bear, Phil. So why is it colder than bloddy blue hell down here, huh?

Ward: I'm helping her heal... from wounds you inflicted.

Bobbi: Then take her to Hawaii

Cal (in the cell): If I wasn't born with inhuman powers, then I would make my own. Best-laid plans. C'est la vie. I never got it quite right... always missing something. Highly unstable. Made me a little moody.

Cal (later in the lab, looking at the adrenalin injector): Hmmm. This is what I was missing.

Coulson: You're here to take out some SHIELD agents.

Cal: No. I'm here to take out as many as I can.

Ward (to Bobbi: I knew you'd be tough, Coulson's got a good eye for talent, though he's a little blind when it comes to spies in his own house.

Bobbi: See, I've seen the real Grant Ward, the one buried deep inside. He's a coward who always has an excuse or someone else to blame.

Cal: You were looking for a monster?

Coulson: Cal, listen to me. Cal, I can take you to Daisy, but you need to calm down.

Cal: This is me calm, Phil.

Fitz: Icers are a good start.

Coulson: Agreed. Got to admit, I'm not hopeful these will do anything but piss him off.

Cal (after been hit with icers): Oh. And there goes the feeling in my legs.

May: Could be a trap

Hunter: Been there, done that. Most of my marriage to Bobbi felt like a trap. But... we did have our good times. So you're up for this?

May: If it means finding Ward and putting a bllet in his head... I'm all in.

Hunter: Guess love is weird that way.

Ward: Someone must really miss their honey bunny.

Mack (seeing Alisha replicating herself): I can't wait to get off this boat.

Skye: You want to lend me a hand getting these things off? Or a face?

Simmons: Well, his physcial changes have improved.

Cal: Careful. I'm a married man.

Cal: Sorry, Phil, This looks expensive.

Coulson: We have a tab running.

Mack: Yeah, I thought my mom was bad when she started watching Fox News.

Coulson: And is Cal stable enough to join the mission on the carrier?

FitzSimmons (talking at once like in old times): That doesn't sound like a very good idea. / Why would you want Cal on the mission?

Mack: Right now I'm in a "crack heads first, ask question later" frame of mind.

Simmons: You'll be careful

Fitz: I won't be careful. I'll get the job done.

May: He's a loose cannon.

Coulson: Worse comes to worst, we let the cannon loose.

Cal: Ah! So that's what this little mutiny's all about. Gas them all. See what shakes loose.

Cal: Oh, no, no, no, not you, Phil. This is family matter. My wife, my responsibility. You just find those crystals and leave her to me.

(Coulson turns to May) May: You brought him.

Coulson: (grabbing a large wrench): You know, I batted over .400 in the little league.

Jiaying: This war started decades ago, when SHIELD was founded to guard the world against people like us. And it will never end. But you and I together ... think of how powerful we could be. We could launch a revolution... side by side.

Skye: I don't want your revolution, because this isn't about protecting me or your people. This is about hate.

Lincoln: We're not bad, we're misled.

Hunter: You look better.

Bobbi: Hmmm.

Hunter: Stupid, but better. Taking a bullet for me was stupid.

Bobbi: Walking into a trap when you know it's a trap is stupid.

Hunter: You were the bait.

Simmons: You know we could get better readings if we dropped a probe into the glass enclosure.

Mack: No, we're never opening that damn box in a 1,000 years.

Cal: You know, you're better than I imagined, and I imagined you perfect.

Ward: I'm done flying solo. I miss having a team around me. I want more names.

Thug #2: Hail Hydra to that. What's the plan, sir? Chaos?

Ward: Closure.

Skye: Like a ripple in the water.

Coulson: But this ripple won't fade. It'll grow and grow until it's a tidal wave.

On label: Natural Omega 3 Fish Oil. 1200MG, Health Benefits that will change your life.

Simmons:No, I don't. You keep rambling on and on, and I still don't know what you mean.

Fitz: Dinner.

Simmons: Fast approaching, yes, and we'll eat it, I'm sure.

Fitz: Yeah, no, no, no. But, uh, me and you ... maybe we could eat somewhere else, you know, somewhere... nice.

Simmons: Oh.

Fitz: Good. Okay. Uh, well, y... uh, you should come find me when you're finished here, and ... and I'll ... I'll start working on options to run by you... for that.

[blueray]

Fitz: Sir, good news. I've modified my field generators to act in unison as a quantum-field disruptor.
Coulson: Great, you're saying you found a way to shut down Gordon's teleportation ability?
Fitz: Well, now my news sounds less good.
Coulson: Oh, sorry.

 

 

Skye: what was that?

Coulson: That was May laughing... it'll be over soon.

Edited June 16, 2015 by blueray

[bettername2come]

Some early series quotes thanks to Netflix

Coulson: When you get shanked by Asgardian Mussolini, you get to tell it however you like.

Fitz: It's my fault. I should've learned kung fu.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Coulson: So if this woman's not HYDRA, what is she?

Mac: Everything else. I mean look at this. Two years CIA.

Hunter: Is that MI6?
Mac: Yeah, at which time she was consulting with the CDC apparently.

Coulson: All under different aliases.

Hunter: I like her.

 

Coulson: Take that down to Bobbi down in the lab and have the team analyze it.

Hunter: Oh, no no no no. I'm not going anywhere near Bobbi.

Coulson: Fine. I'll take it to her myself. Wouldn't want you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

[Coulson removes bionic hand]

Hunter: Yeah, I know that's sarcasm and I'm choosing to accept your thoughtfulness at face value.

 

Coulson: Help Skye with intake.

Mac: Daisy.

Coulson: Daisy. Damn it. Hard for us to get used to, huh?

Mac: No, just you.

 

Coulson: You're not an easy person to pin down.

Rosalind: Really? Cause you were no trouble at all.

 

Hunter: Sir, I have trouble counting without using my fingers but I think there's more of them than us.

 

Rosalind's lackey: Two teams in position at the next stop, ma'am.

Hunter: That's one team for each of us. Again killing it with the math.

 

Rosalind: The laws of nature have changed and until the laws of man change to reflect that, we can only do what we feel is right.

Coulson: I agree. I think.

Rosalind: I know you do. So I understand the trail of bodies you're leaving behind. The dead ones I won't hold against you. It's the ones you're sheltering-

Coulson: Dead ones? I haven't killed anyone. We've had some vanish before we could secure them.

Rosalind: Then how do you explain the carcasses we've recovered? Blasted with some sort of energy weapon.

Coulson: That's not us.

Rosalind: It's not us either.

Coulson: Wait, is this still cagey banter or are we being honest all of a sudden?

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Bobbi: Destruction of property, public drunkenness.

Randolph: Asgardians can generally hold their drink. It's just one night I tried to hold all the drinks.

 

Coulson: I don't have to remind you that I saved your life, though I did just mention it in case you forgot.

 

Randolph: Why come to me? I'm no interstellar travel expert. I've never even studied gravitational or zero point energy fields or quantum harmonic oscillation theory.

Bobbi: Yet you know all those words you just said.

 

Fitz: You'll have to go through me.

Randolph: And I could, literally. But then I don't know what Amazon Woman and Robot Hand are capable of these days.

 

Randolph: To the plane!...Am I allowed to say that?

 

Ward: What's the point of a boat if you never take it out of the dock? It's like camping in a living room.

 

May's dad: You put on skates at seven years old and you didn't take them off until five years later, a natural.

May: I was obsessed with Dorothy Hamill.

May's dad: I remember that well.

May: Mostly I remember how hard the ice was when I'd fall over and over. That's why I switched to martial arts - padded floors.

May's dad: And you could hit people.

 

Hunter: You can never be truly out if you're always looking over your shoulder.

 

Daisy: Realistically, what are the odds of this thing working?

Coulson: If we were realistic, we'd never have gotten this far.

 

Ward: If you're going to kill someone, don't threaten them. Just do it.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Daisy: Permission to speak freely.

Coulson: Do I have a choice?

 

Hunter: First we drink, then we talk business.

May: Right. Cause you guys aren't hard enough to understand as it is.

 

May: You lied to [bobbi].

Hunter: Barely. Besides, she knows I'm lying to her so it's not even really a lie.

 

Coulson: Does she have a name?

Rosalind: I love my car but it's just a car. And it's a him.

Edited October 17, 2015 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

May: So what's the job?

Hunter: Don't know.

May: When's it going down?

Hunter: Dunno.

May: Any idea where?

Hunter: Not yet.

May: You do realize the point of intelligence gathering is to gather intelligence.

 

Hunter: It's not complicated. Just point, shoot, repeat as necessary.

 

Coulson: Careful. It's got a laser finger.

 

Coulson: How heavily sedated is Frye?

Rosalind: On a scale of 1 to 10, about a 6. No one likes a drooler.

 

Rosalind: Do you really have a laser finger?

 

Ward: Come on, Hunter. You weren't actually dumb enough to come here all cowboy, were you?

Hunter: This coming from the guy who shot his own girlfriend by mistake?

 

May: How many did you count?

Hunter: Eleven including Ward.

May: I've taken out five.

Hunter: Slow day?

 

May: You're trapped, Ward!

Ward: Don't interrupt.

[ProudMary]

May: How many did you count?

Hunter: Eleven including Ward.

May: I've taken out five.

Hunter: Slow day?

That was my favorite exchange of the night!

[blueray]

 

Rosalind: Do you really have a laser finger?

Missing the response:

 

Coulson: "that is classified"

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Will: You're a doctor?

Simmons: Not a medical doctor, but yes. I have PhDs in biology and chemistry. But I have more than my fair share of emergency work in the field. You?

Will: Not very sciencey.

 

Simmons: Where is this light coming from?

Will: There's a luminescent substrata below us.

Simmons: It's warm.

Will: It's a natural source of heat. Keeps the planet warm without sunlight.

Simmons: That sounds very sciencey of you.

Will: I think it's the fires of hell.

Simmons: Okay then.

 

Simmons: I'll be the voice of hope. You'll be the voice of doom. We'll keep each other in check. Deal?

[simmons and Will shake hands]

Simmons: See? It's working already.

Will: No it's not.

 

Will: I'm going to shoot this into the wall across the canyon. We're going to slide across on the rope. What? Did you think I was going to build a helicopter?

Simmons: Kinda.

 

Simmons: Eat, shower, or sleep - what are you going to do first when we get back?

Will: Eat. Please, who are you talking to? What are you going to do?

Simmons: I'm going to eat in the shower and fall asleep while doing it.

Will: That's very efficient. I expect nothing less.

Edited October 28, 2015 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Hunter: I had Ward in my sights. Damn right I pulled the trigger. You of all people should get it.

Bobbi: I get it. You're quick to violence and an innocent got hurt. Other people aren't as used to your behavior as I am.

Hunter: Since when do you care what other people think?

 

Coulson: Nice of you to pick me up.

Rosalind: Yes, on the corner since you won't tell me where your base is.

Coulson: You know I run a spy organization, right?

 

Fitz: You don't think I should help Simmons rescue Will?

Hunter: Do you think you should? He's the competition. Your girlfriend's ex wants to visit from Phoenix, you do not buy him a plane ticket.

Fitz: That's really specific.

 

Fitz: Guys, I think you triggered an alarm somewhere.

May: Great.

Bobbi: How much time do we have?

Fitz: Uhhhh, oh. Looks like zero.

 

Bobbi: You're only earning 4% more than you were in 2012. We can do better.

May: That's just mean.

 

Hunter: No one yet. Bank's still not back.

Mac: He wasn't back 37 seconds ago either but thanks for the regular update.

 

Hunter: So what's the plan when he gets back? Is this a grab and torture kind of deal?

Daisy: Slow down, gitmo.

 

Hunter: It's not like I handed over Andrew and said, "Hey, please kill our friend!"

 

Coulson: You can tell a lot about a woman from her books. Okay, I didn't actually know there were this many biographies of Margaret Thatcher.

 

Mac: So much for stealthy.

 

Hunter: Lash is an inhuman. Inhumans have markers in their DNA. If we test Banks's blood for markers, we'll know if he's inhuman or not.

Daisy: ...That's actually kind of smart.

Hunter: Thank you.

Daisy: I still think you need to talk about your anger issues.

Mac: This isn't a med lab. We don't have the equipment to draw Banks' blood.

[Hunter punches unconscious Banks]

Daisy and Mac: Oooh.

Hunter: There you go. Blood. Okay, there might be a small anger issue.

 

[Mac goes through Banks's wallet while Hunter goes through Banks's phone]

Daisy: Anything?

Mac: Guy shops at Cost Co.

Daisy: Anything useful?

Hunter: There's not even any selfies. Banks, you are boring. Well, apart from the fact that he might be a giant beast who blows holes in people's chests.

[phone chimes]

Hunter: I didn't do it. It wasn't me.

Mac: We know. It's a phone.

 

Daisy: Now we use the new dwarf Fitz crafted. He doesn't think it's ready yet but that's stupid because it's awesome so I stole it.

 

Simmons: I know this isn't easy for you. It's an odd situation.

Fitz: Yeah, it's one of the oddest, even for us.

 

Lincoln: Safe as houses.

Daisy: What?

Lincoln: It's an expression. People say that.

Daisy: Sure, and some day you can tell me how you survived the Dust Bowl and the Hoover administration, grandpa.

Edited November 5, 2015 by ElectricBoogaloo

[Jediknight]

Hunter: "Well, just gonna say what we're all thinking: he has a hog face."

Fitz: "He does have a hog face."

Edited November 12, 2015 by Jediknight

[ElectricBoogaloo]

May: Did you just spoil a perfect moment by capturing it?

 

Rosalind: So are you going to tell me what really happened? Because I'm not quite buying this shark attack bit.

 

Malick: Revenge only provides a temporary pleasure.

Ward: But a pleasure nonetheless.

Edited November 12, 2015 by ElectricBoogaloo

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Fitz: Stop, stop, stop. Just go before you drop another priceless manuscript. Why don't you go deface a castle or something?

Simmons: Fitz, what are you doing?

Fitz: They're all idiots.

Simmons: Be nice.

Fitz: Sorry, well-meaning idiots.

 

[ATCU guy eyes Hunter's "Damn the Yanks" shirt]

ATCU guy: Red Sox fan?

Hunter: Redcoats, actually.

 

Coulson: We really have to figure out other ways to flirt.

 

Fitz: Are you alphabetizing those?
Simmons: Don't be ridiculous. I"m organizing them by subject and date.

 

Hunter: Sorry, Steve. Nothing worse for an IT guy than someone logging into a terminal. Makes you feel violated, doesn't it?

 

Hunter: Username: godsavethequeen.

Daisy: Yeah, I let him pick it.

 

Lincoln: Are you torturing me?

 

Bobbi: Once again, too little and too late.

Hunter: I'll remind you we're basically the same height. I just don't wear bloody heels.

 

Ward: You left me there to die.

Malick: I left those men there to kill you.

[Jack Kerouac]

Fitz: Stop, stop, stop. Just go before you drop another priceless manuscript. Why don't you go deface a castle or something?

 

I believe it was deface a Picaso.

[Raja]

Malick to Ward: "I know you're all about rebooting Hydra"

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Roz: Any sensible girl would swipe left at this moment.

Coulson: Honestly, I don't know what that means.

Roz: You're such a Luddite.

Coulson: You know I have a flying car, right?

Roz: Uh, yeah. It's from the 60s.

 

Hunter: You serious about all options being on the table?

Coulson: You got something particular in mind?

Hunter: You ever robbed a bank before?

Coulson: Can't say that I have. Have you?

Hunter: Piece of advice - never trust a crooked jockey on a doped up horse.

 

Ward: If you lay a finger on Thomas-

Hunter: Hanging up? You sure that was the right play, boss?

Coulson: I need Ward to know we've got the upper hand. Plus it'll really piss him off.

 

Mac: I'm not going to lie to you. This is a dangerous mission and the odds are not in our favor.

Joey: Not really a selling point.

 

Hunter: Common sense was never really my strong suit.

[Spartan Girl]

Simmons (to Ward): You really are King Idiot.

[Humbugged]

 

Hunter: You serious about all options being on the table?

Coulson: You got something particular in mind?

Hunter: You ever robbed a bank before?

Coulson: Can't say that I have. Have you?

Hunter: Piece of advice - never trust a crooked jockey on a doped up horse.

 

 

The last bit was so random , Coulson was baffled

[blueray]

Coulson: "what you know, tattoine"

[ProudMary]

Coulson: "what you know, tattoine"

It's All Connected. :)

I actually laughed out loud when he said it!

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Mac: One of you want to tell me what Coulson was thinking jumping out of the Quinnjet like that?

Hunter: I'd say he wasn't so much thinking as feeling - feeling that Ward needs to die.

Mac: And you didn't try to stop him?

Hunter: Full disclosure - I was planning on jumping as well. Again less thinking than feeling.

 

Bobbi: All we need to do is take control of the castle and open the portal so they can return.

Mac: So just take the ultra-fortified HYDRA castle and open an alien portal. That's it?

[bobbi shurgs]

Mac: You know you're wired different than most folks.

Bobbi: I'm not saying it'll be easy.

Hunter: I wouldn't mind hearing it's going to be easy.

Bobbi: It'll be easy.

Hunter: It doesn't work if I know you're lying.

 

Joey: Okay, so are we rescuing inhumans or saving Coulson? Or attacking HYDRA? Or is there some kind of combo?

[blank stares from everyone]

Joey: Sorry, new guy just trying to understand how this whole SHIELD thing works.

Hunter: This is how SHIELD works - make a plan, plan turns to rubbish, make a new plan. And just to be crystal clear, this is the part where the plan turns to rubbish.

 

Fitz: Hey, here's a great idea. Why don't we go to an alien world and summon a hell beast? Yeah, that's a brilliant idea. What could possibly go wrong with that? How are you supposed to find it? You just whisper its name three times in a mirror? Or do you put a sauce of milk outside the door at night?

Ward: Not milk.

Fitz: Ah, yes, you're right. Simmons said it could smell blood. That's not disturbing at all.

 

Coulson: I'll be damned. Tatooine.

 

Daisy, Okay, we definitely want to avoid the guy with the suit. He's telekinetic.

Joey: Is that the one where he can read your mind or move stuff with his mind?

Daisy: Move stuff.

Joey: Good. I don't want anyone knowing what I'm thinking right now.

Lincoln: You mean that you're not a hero? That you're freaking out and want to be anywhere but here? We're all feeling that.

May: I'm not.

 

Joey: I'm bulletproof!

 

Fitz: Cut off the head, blah blah blah blah blah.

 

Coulson: We need to move faster.

Ward: I could have moved faster if you hadn't shot me - twice.

 

Lincoln: What if we can't kill [the alien monster]?

Hunter: Can't speak for everyone, but I'll probably run.

Edited December 9, 2015 by ElectricBoogaloo

[Sakura12]

Daisy, Okay, we definitely want to avoid the guy with the suit. He's telekinetic.

Joey: Is that the one where he can read your mind or move stuff with his mind?

Daisy: Move stuff.

Joey: Good. I don't want anyone knowing what I'm thinking right now.

Lincoln: You mean that you're not a hero? That you're freaking out and want to be anywhere but here? We're all feeling that.

May: I'm not.

I also liked Daisy: Okay, everyone except May.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

President: Isn't black ops where you feel the most comfortable?

Coulson: I certainly prefer it to bureaucracy. Okay, we'll keep doing what we do and you'll keep pretending we don't exist.

 

Hunter: An entire armory's worth of military might nicked from a police van right under the noses of the police all in less than four minutes. The two of us, trained, experienced, we couldn't pull this off but all it takes is one tainted fish taco and poof, unfair advantage really.

 

Daisy: How do you lose someone as big as Mac?

Hunter: The same way one loses a truckload of weapons.

 

Hunter: Andrew was a lovely head shrinker before he turned into a not so lovely inhuman serial killer.

 

President: He has the utmost respect for you.

Coulson: Now I know you're lying.

[kitlee625]

Bobbi [to Hunter]: "I love you."

 

May [to Hunter]: "I don't hate you quite as much."

[blueray]

Hunter: "this is a gun free zone, I'm going to have to take those"

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Talbot: Somehow I have a feeling your idea of being prepared and my idea of being prepared are two wildly different things.

 

Hunter: What's in the case?

Fitz: It's the director's new toy. Something we've been working on.

Hunter: Does it kill, stun, or disintegrate?

Fitz: It makes gloves.

 

May: Look for anything out of the ordinary - people with their hands in their pockets, long coats, clothes that don't match the weather.

Lincoln: Wait, I think I see something suspicious.

[Lincoln spots Talbot]

Lincoln: No one would ever intentionally cut their hair like that.

 

Talbot: This symposium is going to be a colossal waste of time. Sitting around a conference table singing kumbaya is not going to accomplish a damn thing.

Coulson: I'm less interested in the symposium than I am with the intel we can gather there. We need to know if any of these countries are harboring inhumans.

Talbot: So it's a sneaky little spy mission?

Coulson: S.H.I.E.L.D., remember? That's how we roll.

 

May: Field work isn't always about rushing in and using your powers.

 

May: Lincoln, forget what I said. Rush in and use your powers!

 

May: The mission's more important.

Hunter: Are you tired of saying that? Because I'm tired of hearing it. Certainly didn't apply when your husband's life was on the line. Stating the obvious. I'm just here to make sure my friends don't die. He has a habit of killing them.

May: You're here for Bobbi, nothing more. She's the only reason why you call yourself an agent, and why you couldn't care less about the mission.

Hunter: That's no way to treat a friend who's just trying to watch you back.

May: We're not friends.

Hunter: I'll carry on watching your back regardless.

 

Talbot: I don't care what they call it. It's a dress.

Coulson: You're the President's official representative. It's a customary way to honor them for hosting this symposium. And you look very dignified.

Talbot: It's all loosey goosey under there.

 

Coulson: The [hotel] rooms are only accessible with a full palm print.

Hunter: So how are we supposed to get in? You want us to cut their hands off?

 

Ellen: Have you found a cure for [inhumans], doctor?

Coulson: A cure needs a disease.

 

Talbot: I think it's Chen. She's too nice. Never trust nice.

 

Coulson: Congratulations. You've just narrowed it down to everyone.

 

Hunter: Why does anyone not ever listen to me?

 

Coulson: Where's your boss? He didn't have the guts to do this himself?

Malick: Yes, but I also have money to pay people to do my menial jobs.

 

Talbot: Do me a favor and shoot [Coulson] first. I'd like one moment of peace before I go.

Coulson: You didn't know [Malick] was going to double cross you? He is H.Y.D.R.A.! Just saying.

Talbot: I knew. You think I didn't know? You think I'm stupid?

Coulson: What are you doing in here? It doesn't seem like a very smart plan.

 

Coulson: Give me a hand?

 

Talbot: What am I supposed to do with this hand? It's kind of freaking me out.

 

Bobbi: I'm bored of this. Cover me.

Edited March 16, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo

[Pothunter]

Hunter: “Oh yeah … good old Shake & Bake.” Got a big laugh out of that one.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Hunter: You want to know the key to a good mushroom soup? Dried porcinis.

 

Coulson: You want to assassinate a former member of the World Council on Russian soil, knowing that if we get caught were our actions tied to the U.S. government in any way, that it'll be considered an act of war.

Hunter: So you're saying?

 

Bobbi: How'e everyone's Russian?

May: My pronunciation's not fluent.

Mac: Mine's non-existent.

DaIsy: I dated a Russian hacker once so I only know the dirty words.

Bobbi: Guys, seriously. We're spies. I thought we all learned languages.

 

Interrogator: State your full name for the record.

Hunter: Amadeus Ravenclaw Hunter.

 

Interrogator: How long were you married?

Hunter: Which time?

 

Daisy: The letter that looks like New Hampshire with legs, that's D, right?

Bobbi: Da.

 

May: What are those guards doing?

Hunter: Complaining, avoiding work, taking selfies.

 

Mac: We'll need a distraction.

Hunter: I have an idea but it involves May hitting people.

 

Prime Minister Olshenko: This incident will go public and I will have to explain how not one, not two, but three members of my government were murdered.

Coulson: To be fair, two of them were trying to kill you.

[mac123x]

Mac: We'll need a distraction.

Hunter: I have an idea but it involves May hitting people.

The cherry on top was May's sly smirk when he said that.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Ruben: Work buddies come and go but family, they're the ones you can't get rid of - even if they set up a roadside stand and tried selling you off to strangers.

Mac: You were an awkward kid.

 

Mac: Do we take this debris back with us? Study it?

Fitz: Uh, yeah, sure. Have you been working out? Cause it weighs like 100,000 tons.

Mac: So, no then?

Edited March 30, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo

[AimingforYoko]

Lincoln: I've never seen the original Terminator.

Coulson: You're off the team.

[KirkB]

Lincoln: I've never seen the original Terminator.

Coulson: You're off the team.

 

 

I'm not ashamed to say I laughed quite loudly at that. It's a good thing I was watching by myself. CG's dry wit really sells the character. 

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Melinda: You're hurting my brain.

 

Daisy: What are you going to do?

Coulson: Find Grant Ward.

[Daisy looks shocked]

Coulson: Yeah, the day got weirder.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

May: You said you killed [Grant].

Coulson: I did.

May: Well, you didn't kill him hard enough.

 

May: Plus side - maybe I'll get a chance to kill [Grant] too.

 

Mac: Leaving [Ward] for dead on another planet isn't enough to get rid of that guy?

 

Coulson: This is not Ward.

Daisy: Sure is creepy like Ward.

Fitz: Ward's dead. I saw it happen.

 

Stephanie: When mom died, I wouldn't get out of bed for a week, remember? You told me to man up.

 

Mac: Great. So instead of shooting us, he'll just bludgeon us to death.

 

James: Lincoln, you SOB. Take your little boy band hipster scruff and piss off!

 

Daisy: What kind of lunatic puts landmines in their front yard?

 

James: I don't do things out of the kindness of my heart. I never really understood that behavior, to be honest.

 

Coulson: So HYDRA's in the oil business now? It's like they're not even trying to avoid the bad guy cliches.

 

Simmons: The European starling, one of America's scariest invasive species.

Coulson: They're just birds.

Simmons: Birds can be scary. Imagine a flock of a million coming to peck your eyes out with their tiny little beaks.

 

Coulson: He's a parasite that retains the memories of the body he took over.

Simmons: Sounds even worse when you say it like that.

 

Coulson: I knew it would come back to haunt me. I just didn't think it would actually come back to haunt me.

 

Giyera: We don't have leaders. We're working towards a common goal.

Mac: That's what they tell you when you join a cult but it's actually not true.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Elena: So you invited him up and then just left?

Joey: Yeah. I'm the worst.

 

Mac: Is the steel going to hold?

Fitz: Hope so. It's chlorine gas. If not, we'll all go blind.

Mac: What?

 

Malick: You ever ride Arabians?

Coulson: I'm not really the equestrian type.

 

Fitz: You're the doctor. Is he dead or not? Body temperature's 98 degrees.

Simmons: Dead-ish. There's some sort of metabolic activity. Fascinating.

Fitz: No, not fascinating. Quarantine.

 

Coulson: Simmons said it. There's no test. Are we going to question them? What do we ask? "Are you infected? No? Great, thanks!" None of this works if they know we know.

 

Malick: I believed that I could resurrect a god but instead I freed the devil.

 

Simmons: Lincoln could electrocute us in our sleep. Or any time, really.

 

Coulson: Anything suspicious on the cameras?

Mac: Everyone looks suspicious if you stare at them long enough.

 

Daisy: What are you saying? Could you please speak English right now?

Elena: Aren't you a spy? Learn Spanish.

Edited April 20, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo

[kitlee625]

Daisy: What are you saying? Could you please speak English right now?

Elena: Aren't you a spy? Learn Spanish.

I laughed so hard at that one.

[DeepPoet117]

Fitz (to Simmons): Who needs space? I've got something magnificent right here. A picture of space. One of my prized possessions that is.

[Bubbles]

Daisy: What are you saying? Could you please speak English right now?

Elena: Aren't you a spy? Learn Spanish.

That was such a good callback to Bobbi chastising everyone a few weeks ago for not knowing Russian.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Mac: How's he doing?

May: No one comes to me with their feelings.
Mac: Yeah, that makes sense.
 

Fitz: Uh, Jemma, I know it's not a good time but can we speak about what happened between us last night?

[Fitz sees other S.H.I.E.L.D. people walking by]

Fitz: Professionally speaking, I mean.

Simmons: Of course, Dr. Fitz. We are colleagues after all.

Fitz: That we are, Dr. Simmons, that we are. It's that working relationship which I would like to keep intact.
Simmons: Yes, we wouldn't want anything to interfere with it.
Fitz: Exactly. So that's why as things progress with our...we should consider all variables as we move forward because things are bound to get complicated.
Simmons: You mean once we have sex?
Fitz: .....

Fitz: Simmons and I will pose as top level geneticists looking to make a sale.
Mac: Okay, but remember this is a high class establishment so you gotta dress the part which means no lab coats on this one.
Simmons: Do you think scientists only wear lab coats? Are we wearing them now?
Fitz: Yeah, what? We walk around all day with goggles and gloves on, do we?

Coulson: [Lincoln]'s coming, with one caveat. You want in, you wear this [vest]. It's lined with nano-thermites.
Lincoln: Nano what?
Coulson: They're miniscule explosives.
Lincoln: You want me to wear a suicide vest?
Coulson: It's only if HIVE infects you. And technically a suicide vest is something you control.
Lincoln: So it's a murder vest.
 

May: I'll do your dirty work, Phil, but don't you dare pretend your hands are clean.
 

Daisy: Are you drunk?

James: Well, I'm Australian, so yes.

[James kicks the door open wider and sees Grant]

James: Ugh, who's Aladdin?

 

Simmons: Just to be clear, are you comparing us sleeping together to crossing the event horizon?
 

Simmons: This seems extremely unethical.

Fitz: We've done far more questionable things.
 

Coulson: I thought it would be cool if the director of SHIELD had a shield. Fitz agreed.

 

Simmons: Stop! I'm not going anywhere without Fitz!

Ward: You once said the same thing about me.
 

James: Now i want your honest opinion on this. What do you think of the name Inferno? I like it but I don't love it. Firestarter, well, that feels a little 90s. And Burning Man, I mean, that would have been perfect if it wasn't for some bloody desert hippie fest.
 

Mac: You know how many times Bobbi and Hunter pulled the "my comms are broken" trick?
 

Simmons: I suppose it's very new,

Mac: No it isn't.
 

James: What about Hell Fire? It's better than Scorch but I'm worried it's too much.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Lincoln: I just want to help. If I'm locked down on base, at least let me do something.
May: The last time you helped wasn't helpful.

Lincoln: I'm not going to apologize for trying to save someone I care about.
May: We ALL care about Daisy.
Lincoln: It's not the same.
May: No, the rest of us have known her a lot longer.

Fitz: You didn't see Daisy.She acted like we were still best of pals, all while threatening to murder me.
Simmons: No, you're right. I didn't see that. I was much too busy listening to the disgusting face of Grant Ward act like my dead boyfriend.
Fitz: That's true. That does sound worse.
Simmons: Right. If this were a competition, then I'd win. I had to shoot him three times just to shut him up.
Fitz: I bet that felt good.
Simmons: Yeah, it did. It would have felt better had he actually died instead of just sort of oozing.

Coulson: What's in south Wyoming?
Mac: Not much by the looks of it.

Coulson: You realize this is a trap, right?
Mac: Why? Because we have a lead?
Coulson: Because Daisy's a highly trained spy. No SHIELD agent would get caught on camera that easily.

Daisy: My friends at SHIELD wanted to stop wars, not start them.
Ward/Hive: By building giant battle ships floating in the sky?

Ratcliffe: Not that you did us any favors with your alien abduction story. It took me a good hour to assure them there'd be no probes of any sort.

May: Why is everyone making this about themselves?

Daisy: I thought Aussies hated American beer.

Coulson: The plan's simple. Get in, kill Hive, get out.

Mac: And worst case scenario if Hive can't be killed?
Coulson: I suggest running. Very fast. Away.

James: I'm single, 33, originally from Brisbane. I'm a Leo with a little dab of Scorpio thrown in there for good measure. I like a decent drink, a decent meal, and an indecent lass, and not necessarily in that order. And you are?
May: Nauseous.

May: Were you like this before you got your powers?
James: 100% awesome, you bet!

May: Why would [Hive] signal [the Cree reapers]?
Mac: Maybe he's hoping to form some kind of creepy dude alliance.

Daisy: I don't need your help.
Mac: There's plenty of evidence here to the contrary.
Daisy: You don't understand. I'm doing this to help you.
Mac: And how is murdering a blue alien going to help me?

Edited May 4, 2016 by ElectricBoogaloo

[Sandman]

Talbot: Why do you think that ... "Lash" can defeat "Hive"? And who in tarnation names these things?"

You tell 'em, General!

Edited May 11, 2016 by Sandman

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Talbot: What in the Knievel happened to you?

Talbot: The Sokovia Accords are the law of the land now. [The President]'s concerned you may have some undocumented enhanced assets working for you.
Coulson: And why would he think that?
Talbot: Because he's not a moron.

Talbot: If you're in here against your will, what's keeping you from just zapping the two of us right now?
Lincoln: Absolutely nothing. I could fry that moustache right off your face.

Fitz: Technically it's not the devil.

Daisy: I said MacGyver, not Firestarter.

[Sandman]

Elena: Oh, turtle-man wishes for me to hurry. (He is very lucky he is handsome.)

So that's Mack's nickname: Turtle-Man! Excellent work, Yo-Yo.

[kitlee625]

Radcliffe: It's not a hunch. It's science.... It's a science hunch.

Edited May 18, 2016 by kitlee625

[Sandman]

Coulson: What the hell is Professor Vaughan's Third-Year Compiler Theory?

SImmons: It's complicated.

I kind of love how Simmons doesn't even bother trying to explain.

SImmons: What happened?

Elena: Mack lit me on fire.

Mack: Long story.

Edited May 18, 2016 by Sandman

[ElectricBoogaloo]

May: Every time I see [Grant's] face, I want to punch something.

Elena: Your work, it's too slow.
Mac: Sorry, we don't all have super speed.
Elena: This isn't about super speed. This about your turtle speed. You work and then you stare. And then work and then more staring. We have to go.
Mac: Hurtful.

Elena: What do you think you're doing?
Mac: I'm giving you your cross back. You need it more than I do.
Elena: This isn't a lucky rabbit's foot. This is a symbol of faith. Who would return such a gift?

Radcliffe: I'm going to call you Ronald and you...Ronald 2.

Hive: This won't kill me.
Mac: No. But it'll suck.

Talbot: I thought that was a stupid gamble, seriously stupid. Like betting on Wrestlemania stupid.

Radcliffe: I can't apologize enough for what's happened to those people.
Coulson: No, you really can't.

Radcliffe: I can tell by your moustache that you're a man of importance and not to be trifled with, so I'll be absolutely honest with you. The process is irreversible.
Talbot: And I can tell by your beady little eyes that you're a worm so let me absolutely honest with you. If you don't find a solution to this problem, you're going to going to end up looking like one of those mouth breathers you made.

[ElectricBoogaloo]

Simmons: Oh, thank God.
Coulson: Thank God you missed.

Simmons: I checked the containment room and by the looks of it, Fitz and May climbed up into the zephyr.
Mac: Then there's hope they'll stop them.
Simmons: Or be blown to bits.

Mac: If May were here-
Coulson: She'd give me a very dirty look, yeah.

James: So when we blow this thing, three continents worth of people are going to end up looking like these buggers. Even the ladies?

Coulson: I always wanted to do this. Help me, Obi-wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

[StarBrand]

Quote

Coulson: I always wanted to do this. Help me, Obi-wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

I laughed out loud at that one. Coulson's geekery knows no bounds...