Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

[pearlite]

And then they teach a hippo to dance the samba!

 

All I can think of is Fantasia--the hippos in tutus in the "Dance of the Hours" section.

 

Given this is Summer we're on about, could I be one of the alligators in capes who come in, please?

[peach]

Mon, Feb 23   There's A Pocket!

 

We start with a replay of Jack and Victor’s dedication to bickering causing them to be buried even further by debris.

 

Neil wanders through the frozen woods yelling for help.  Seems like a great plan.

 

Lily is having a cow over Neil slipping away from them without supplies or warm clothes.  I guess this flight lost their luggage, too.  Worst charter ever.  Cane and Devon can’t figure out where he went.  There’s NO SIGN of him trudging away IN THE SNOW.  Hilary moans that Devon HAS to go find Neil, so stop mauling her head like John Travolta on Idina Menzel.  Maybe Neil and Devon will both die in the woods, and her problems will be solved.  But Cane says Devon’s not going anywhere.  Everyone shivers desperately, but no one builds another fire.

 

It looks like Jack and Victor have plunged further into a basement level.  Maybe there’s a secret trapdoor they can find that will take them to the GCAC.  Nick says they’re going back to find them!  Avery’s had it.  They need to leave the rescuing to the professionals!  It’s too dangerous for these rubes to be doing it.  Phyllis says if it were DYLAN down there, she wouldn’t say that!  She’d be all about amateur rescue missions.  Paul rushes in, and Avery says he needs to stop them from going back to The Underground. 

 

Ashley and Victoria rush in next, and Nick says Jack and Victor were in a second collapse of his substandard deathtrap of a building, and he and Dylan are going back after them!  “No, you’re not!” says Paul.  He gives them a good talking to about not endangering their own lives and those of the rescue workers!  “STAY OUT OF THE WAY!  It’s extremely dangerous over there right now!”  Why is that, asks Dylan.  Um, getting crushed by debris? I’m just guessing, though.  “Because secondary collapses are often deadly,” intones Paul.  Duh. They’re probably all going to die of mesothelioma anyway.

 

Meanwhile, back at the cabin, everyone freaks out about Austin’s body disappearing.  Did Fen see anyone else out there, a bear, ANYTHING?  No sign of a bear.  Not even tracks in the snow.  So, like, Austin can fly now.  “Come on,” snaps Noah, “dead bodies don’t just get up and walk away.”  He’s going outside to find him.  He opens the door, and the cops are standing there!  Uh-oh.  They got a call about an accident.  Does anyone want to tell them what’s going on?  Um, not really.

 

Kevin will tell them!  Blah blah, he and Fen were worried about the roof collapsing from the snow, so he went up there and fell off the roof!  “You seem totally fine to me,” says the cop.  Shouldn’t he know Kevin?  Mariah says sure, he seems fine NOW, but it really scared the crap out of them when it happened.  Oh, and this other guy, Austin, left to go find help, on foot, and he hasn’t come back.  “We’ll go try to find this Austin guy, then,” says the cop, and they leave.  “Thank God you two are criminals,” says Abby.  “You lied to those cops like pros.”  Mariah’s so glad her crappy life could help Abby out.  Noah notes that this is just a temporary fix.  They still don’t know where Austin’s body is.  Fen says he didn’t just get up and walk away by himself.  “Maybe he did,” says Summer.  Y’all are in trouble when Summer makes the most sense.

 

Lauren’s still worrying about Jill & Co.  Wouldn’t they be frozen by now?  You’d think.  But Michael figures they’re burning cash to stay alive by now.  He thinks Jill is leading them all in bawdy campfire songs.  Too bad Michael didn’t crash with them, because he seems to have some good ideas.  Lauren leaves Jill a fourth voicemail telling her to hang in there.

 

Cane explains to Devon that they don’t want to have to look for his dumb ass, too.  Devon asks Lily what she thinks. “I think Dad left so you didn’t have to.  That’s the kind of man he is.  He’d do anything to protect the ones he loves,” she says sharply.  Devon winces.  He’s afraid Neil could get hurt!  “I think it’s a little late for that, don’t you think?  Your girlfriend needs you.”  OMG, Devon rushes to his baby’s side. 

 

Cane assures Lily that Neil will find help, and everything’s going to be okay.  “How can anything be okay ever again?”  Lily is quite the realist and explains that Neil might never find help, and they might never see their children again!  And even if they get rescued by some miracle, their life is RUINED.  Cane whispers that it’s NOT ruined.  “You BROKE us.  This family is BROKEN, because of Devon, and Hilary, and Colin, and YOU.  Even if we’re rescued, our life will never be the same again.  EVER.”  Cane looks sleepy.  His hair looks so much better in disaster mode. 

 

Everyone yells at Paul. They don’t CARE what his experience is, they know Jack and Victor are alive!  Considering he needed Super Dylan to explain how to control traffic, I wouldn’t care about his experience, either.  Phyllis does admit they were running out of oxygen when the rescuers pulled them out through that hole that lets in oxygen.  Also, Jack’s heart stopped for a bit, and he was weak.  But they got Phyllis and Nikki out first anyway.  Whatever, they will beat the odds like they always have, insists Victoria.  People don’t even die in fires or plane crashes or bludgeoning attacks around here.

 

Nick and Victoria try to take care of Nikki, but she yells at them to stop treating her like an invalid!  And get some Bailey’s in this coffee!  I’m not sure she has enough dirt on her face.  Paul says he’s got yet another emergency across town, but he’ll keep them posted on the recovery efforts.  Then they all yell at Paul for saying recovery instead of rescue.

 

Ashley tells Victoria she checked on the other indestructible people at the hospital.  They’re keeping Connor for observation, and I guess Billy’s just fine.  She didn’t tell him anything about Jack yet because she didn’t want to worry him.  I suppose he didn’t ask, either.  Nobody even mentions Jill.

 

Phyllis weeps and tells Avery how she blames herself because she pushed Jack away when he was just trying to help her by driving her insane in public.  If she hadn’t done that, they’d be together right now.   She knows he would have planned another beautiful Valentine’s celebration in front of the fireplace.  Jack begged her to give him another chance!  “Why didn’t I?  Why was my EGO in the way?  Why was I my usual stubborn self all the way to the end?!”  Um, because he put you in a mental hospital? 

 

Off to the side, Ashley listens sadly.  Then she notices KELLY sweeping in the door, and intercepts her.  Kelly heard about the accident, and she hasn’t been able to reach Jack!  Does Ashley know what happened?  Ashley says he didn’t make it out of the club.  GASP!  Kelly’s hair looks good today, at least.

 

“Maybe Austin isn’t dead, you guys,” whines Summer.  Maybe he was just knocked out, and woke up confused, so he wandered off.  Or maybe he decided to get even with all his “friends.”  Mariah says maybe he rode away on a purple unicorn.  Everyone glares at her.  Oh, gosh, sorry for making fun of her ridiculously stupid theory.  “You actually want to entertain this possibility just so we don’t hurt her feelings?!”  Ummm, yes. 

 

Fine, Summer, let’s get real.  Maybe Austin did wake up.  What if he’s NOT confused, and what if he DOES remember exactly what happened last night?  Oh, no, Summer’s going to talk.  WAAAAHH!!!  Maybe he knows she hit him in the head, and knows she went along with THEM to dump his body in the freezing cold, like this is mostly all their fault.  “Maybe he hates me, you guyyyys!”  WAAAAH.  Omgosh, I hope he doesn’t HATE you after you tried to kill him.  Hey, just breathe, Snowflake.

 

Courtney thinks there’s no way he’s still alive.  She checked his pulse, and no one’s ever been mistaken for dead before.  Fen says maybe one of them decided not to go along with the plan.  Um, Fen was the one who went out there and “discovered” him missing.  Kevin tries to pin it on Courtney the Cop who didn’t want to cover up a murder.  Cops, I swear.  Courtney scoffs.  She went along with their stupid plan!  “You SAID you did,” says Mariah, “but we all know cops lie.” 

 

Courtney’s pissed.  Yeah, she lied, alright, to two cops, AND she concealed evidence.  So she’s as screwed as everyone else if it comes out they made Austin’s death look like an accident.  Kevin thinks that’s a pretty good reason to move a body.  Courtney’s like, by myself??  I’m Malibu Barbie Cop, hello?  Mariah says maybe Summer helped.  OR ABBY.  Summer believably whines that she has no idea what happened!  Fen says they should calm down and assume they’re on the same side.  Then who WAS it, says Kevin. 

 

Wait, Noah has a theory.  Is it possible that someone else has been watching them this whole time?  “And whoever it was killed Austin!” adds Abby.  Sounds legit.  That would mean Summer didn’t do it!  “Then why does she remember the bloody bookend?” asks Fen.  They can’t answer that because the cops are back.  There’s no sign of Austin, so they all need to go down to the station and give statements about a 25 year old guy that walked away of his own free will.   Everyone walks out, but Noah stops and tells Summer she can do this.  They just need to stay calm and stick to the story.  “Calm, okay?” he emphasizes.  Ha.

 

Cane wanted to tell Lily the truth.  Well, if he HAD, they wouldn’t BE HERE.  Jill says she can’t blame Cane for the storm or the plane crash!  Well, she can sure as hell blame him for being on a plane with those scumbags Devon and Hilary!  She never would have gone on this trip if she knew about them!  Cane says he just wanted to protect her and Neil from being hurt.  “By allowing him to stay with that two-faced slut?! You’re PATHETIC if you don’t realize you’re as bad as she was!”  HEY!  That upsets Devon enough to get him to stop fondling Hilary.  Don’t blame Cane or Hilary for any of this.  “This is MY FAULT.  I’m the one responsible for hurting Neil!”

 

He says they’re in this mess because of him and no one else.  Well, you haven’t been screwing yourself, Devon.  Lily says that’ll be a big consolation to Mattie and Charlie.  Wait, why is she bringing THEM into this? He never meant to hurt her children or any of them.  Um, you’re screwing Grandma, Devon!  “You hurt all of us!  ESPECIALLY Dad!  All you had to do was stay away from his WIFE!”  Hey, you don’t think he tried?!  He sometimes went several hours without chasing her!  “I LOVE HER!  I fought like hell NOT to love her.  You know, though!  You can’t stop the heart from wanting what it wants!!”  I LOVE IT when people quote WOODY ALLEN in their own defense.  Way to make your case for stepfamily love. 

 

“What if Cane belonged to somebody else?” projects Devon.  “DAD is not SOMEBODY ELSE!  He’s your FATHER!  He took you in when you had no family and no home!  How could you do that to him?!”  <applause>  Devon’s mouth flaps.  Well…when you put it like that.  “I obviously could have handled things differently,” he says lamely.  Yeah, they ALL should have! 

 

No, Devon wants all the blame!  He’s the one who told Hilary to wait to tell Neil, he’s the one who begged Cane not to tell, and he accepted Colin’s blackmail.  “This is MY FAULT.  And I’m SORRY!”  Okay, well, if you’re sorry.  Lily says no matter what happens…she will NEVER forgive him.  OR Cane.  Cane stares at Devon, stone faced.  He told you so, didn’t he, Devon?  Devon makes sad faces.

 

Neil’s already given up. He’s sitting in the snow, huddled against a rock.  Maybe that was the plan all along.  Aww, he looks super sad.  He shivers and has a flashback montage about his amazing courtship with Hilary.  Hilary saying he makes her feel special, telling him she thinks it might be love, agreeing to marry him, exchanging rings next to the hotdog cart.  That last one might be a clue.  The wind howls.  Neil shivers.  Then he remembers walking in and seeing the abomination of Devon and Hilary having hot sex.  Bummer.

 

Those meddling kids all get back to the police station.  Lauren asks why they aren’t at the Abbott Cabin?  Kevin says there was…an accident.  Is everybody okay?  “No.  Not everybody,” says dumbass Summer who can’t even keep her mouth shut for 15 seconds.  Abby squeezes her arm, and Kevin says he, uh, suffered a minor injury slipping off the roof.  “Fortunately, he fell on his head,” snarks Mariah.  “There was no cell service,” continues Kevin, “so Austin went out to look for help,” but not in one of their six cars, and he never came back.  So the police are out looking for him now.  Lauren’s sure the police are doing everything they can to find him.  Everyone worries about that very thing. 

 

Paul comes out.  No word on Austin yet.  “So does anybody want to tell me what you were all doing at the Abbott Cabin in the middle of a storm?” he scolds like an old lady.  Umm, I think it’s called a party?  Crazy kids nowadays go to them on weekends.  Abby takes the blame for having said party as a grown adult, but she didn’t know a storm was coming while they were all safe inside a house.  They even had power.

 

Have any of them been in touch with their families?  Nope.  Then they don’t know The Underground collapsed and trapped Victor and Jack!  “Not Jack and Grampa, too!” whimpers Summer like a four year old.  “What do you mean too?”  picks up super sleuth Paul.  Well, for one thing, it depends on where you put the comma.  Jack, AND Grampa, too.  Abby covers anyway that now there are THREE people MISSING.  Not DEAD from a bloody bookend or anything like that! 

 

Noah thinks he and Summer should get over to Crimson Lights.  Noooo, she’s not leaving til she hears about Austin, whines Summer.  Good idea, stay at the POLICE STATION, Summer.  Kevin offers to keep an eye on Summer and her big mouth.  Noah and Abby leave.  Everyone crowds around Summer for intense whispering.  Michael looks on with intense suspicion, or maybe he’s plotting to kill them.  It’s kinda the same look.  But he’s probably just excited about getting to bust some more of his clients for the GCPD. 

 

Phyllis asks Nick why they haven’t said anything?  Paul says he’d let them know as soon as there’s news, says Avery.  Then OBVIOUSLY there isn’t news.  But expert Nick thinks they should have heard something by now!  Phyllis can’t believe this is happening.  She can still see Jack’s face as they pulled her out first, and she never thought that might be the last time she saw him.  “It won’t be,” growls Nick.  Blah worry blah. 

 

Kelly tells Ashley that Jack can’t be dead!  Ash understands her concern, but she gently tells her it would be best if she left.  “I have as much right to be here as Phyllis!” snaps Krazy Kelly indignantly.  “Actually, you don’t.  Phyllis is his fiancée.”  WELL, Jack wasn’t ACTING like an engaged man last night, Kelly says, rather unhinged.  Ashley carefully says she doesn’t know exactly what happened between them last night, and obviously doesn’t want to, but Kelly hysterically says “WE MADE LOVE” like animals on the floor.  Ashley gingerly says that Jack wasn’t thinking clearly, then, if he’s engaged to Phyllis, and having sex with her. 

 

Kelly’s glance flits all over the place.  “You’re right.  The Jack I know wouldn’t do that.  But he did!  So that tells me…Jack is DONE with Phyllis!” she deduces with crayzee eyes.  Ashley thinks she’s jumping to conclusions that will hurt her.  “I know Jack—“  Kelly knows Jack, TOO!  She LOVES him!  And that’s actually something she and Phyllis have in common!  She understands what Phyllis is going through!  “If you think for one second that you and Phyllis are going to comfort each other, then you do NOT know Phyllis at all,” she harshly whispers.  “Will you PLEASE just leave!”  FINE.  She’ll GO. 

 

She asks a passing cop if there’s any news on Jack Abbott.  Nope.  This stopped her long enough for Phyllis to see her.  “KELLY.  You have no right to be here checking on Jack.”  That gets Kelly going.  “I have EVERY right to be here!  I have MORE right to be here than you!”  Phyllis is like, yeaaaaah.  “How could you possibly come to that conclusion?”  “Because last night, Jack finally chose me, over you,”  she says triumphantly.  Phyllis just squints at the crazy lady.

 

Abby finds Ashley.  They don’t really know anything about Dad and Uncle Jack.  She’s just hoping for the best right now.

 

Noah talks to Nick about the snow caving in the roof.  Wow, their coverup story is so legit now!  Dirty Nikki interrupts.   Blah blah.
“Jack chose you,” says Phyllis to Krazy Kelly.  “Wow, what a tenuous grasp on reality you have.”  Phyllis will just go ahead and clear things up for her.  Jack doesn’t LOVE her, he doesn’t want anything to DO with her.  “Well, he sure wanted me last night,” says Kelly.  He wanted her lips, her body, he couldn’t get ENOUGH of her, before he drop kicked her out the door.  Phyllis forgot how much Kelly likes to play pretend.  “The fact is, after you LIT into him like the LUNATIC you are, he turned to ME for comfort.”  Kelly actually brags that Jack took her to the filthy storage room, and they made mad, beautiful, passionate love--  Phyllis smacks the shit out of her!!  Kelly kinda likes it.

 

Jill knows Lily is furious, and she has every right to be.  “You’re damn right I do!”  But her anger is causing her not to think clearly about anything.    Blah blah, Jill’s not trying to justify anything, except for how she is, because Cane was just trying to protect her.  But Lily BEGGED him to tell her the truth, and he chose not to.  Jill snaps that she’s gotta grow up a little bit!   Sometimes people do the wrong things, but with the best of intentions!  Hmm, road to hell, etc.  “That may be how YOUR marriage works, but I don’t want to live that way!” says Lily.

 

Colin tries to talk to Cane.  “Do you really think I want your advice?” snaps Cane.  Blah blah, Cane promised never to lie to Lily again, and he broke that promise and ruined their family. “And who are YOU to tell me about love?  You’ve never loved anybody!” sneers Cane.  What?  Colin is all about the love!  And Cane better fight for Lily’s love before it’s too late.  Cane ponders.

 

Hilary’s passed out again.  Devon begs her to wake up.  It can’t end like this! 

 

Neil huddles in the snow and remembers fateful conversations like when Hilary said they should consider Devon’s feelings when they got engaged.  But Neil thought that Devon would really get behind them.  Nope, he just got behind Hilary.  Flashback Hilary says she didn’t want to cause any conflict in his family.  Then Neil remembers his awesome confrontation on the plane when he got to reveal he wasn’t blind and he saw the light of his lying son in bed with his cheating wife.  Then a flashback of Lily going batshit on the plane and smacking Devon silly.  These are really crummy last thoughts to have before you die.  Neil starts to close his eyes.  WAIT!  It’s a RESCUER!  NEIL’S BEEN FOUND!

 

Summer whiiiiines about nobody telling them anything yet!!  Mariah says she needs to CHILL OUT.  Fen says to lay off of Snowflake!  “If she doesn’t pull it together, she is going to blow everything!  And I am NOT going down for a bunch of spoiled brats for something I didn’t do!”  Fen’s like, it’s your and Kevin’s stupid plan!  “And if Crybaby here can keep it together, it’ll work,” says Mariah.  Fen’s going to go see what’s going on.  Summer frowns.

 

Stupid Michael and Lauren took Mariah’s sarcasm for realz earlier and think he has a head injury.  He needs to go to the hospital!  Kevin’s not committed to his part, and thinks it’s nothing to be worried about.  Michael thinks he’s acting strange.  Kevin says strange is normal for him!  Fen says if anything happens to Kevin, Mariah’s staying there, so everything’s cool.  Michael stares at Fen.  “You don’t seem cool, Fenmore.”  Probably because he’s a surreptitious party drug weasel.  But Fen says he’s just worried about Summer.   She’s freaking out about Austin.  But he was okay when he left, says Lauren.  Yeah, but something could have happened.  Michael’s super suspicious for no reason.  I think it’s normal to be worried about a missing person in the snow, but his spidey senses are tingling.

 

So are Paul’s.  He questions Courtney some more about Kevin falling off the roof and Travers going to get help.  “You seem kinda nervous, Sloan,” says Paul in a leading manner.  She’s just tired, Chief.  If anything else comes to mind, let him know.  Paul watches Mariah and Kevin comforting Summer suspiciously.  WHY is this suspicious?

 

Dirty Nikki shouts at a cop for not finding Victor yet!  She looks like a reverse mime.  They are not doing ENOUGH.  AND DON’T TELL HER TO CALM DOWN!  Ashley and Abby leave to call Traci and Billy.

 

Nick tells Dylan he’s worried about Mom.  She’s losing hope, says Dylan.  No, she’s losing her buzz.  Victoria says it’s hard not to.  They overhear the cop’s radio.  THEY FOUND A POCKET IN THE RUBBLE.   Looks like someone might be in there!  Omgosh, you guys… if there’s a POCKET?!  They could still be alive, says Nikki.  Nick is gonna go get Dad!!  “BRING YOUR FATHER BACK TO US!” cries Nikki.  “Bring him back to me,” she whispers.

 

Kelly rubs her slap.  “That doesn’t change anything.  Jack MADE LOVE TO ME, on the nasty storage room floor without even a thank you, ON VALENTINE’S DAY,” gloats Kelly.  Phyllis says Kelly is a desperate woman.  She and Jack just spent the night fighting for their lives in a pile of concrete, and he poured his heart out to HER.  There is no way in hell he’d have said those things if he had JUST banged Kelly.  Kelly scoffs.  How stupid can Phyllis be?  Of course Jack said those things when he thought he was going to die!  “He could be dead,” hisses Phyllis, “how dare you stand there and talk about him like that!”  Ashley rushes in.  “PHYLLIS!  We just got word about them finding somebody!”  Phyllis sure hopes he’s alive because she might need to kill him.

 

Cane pleads his case to Lily.  He knows she’s angry and doesn’t want to hear a word he says.  But he is sorry.  He shouldn’t have lied to her, but he didn’t want to hurt her. He just went about it the wrong way.   “I love you, baby, I really love you.  And I love our marriage, our kids, our family.”  He’d be nothing without her.  Give him one more chance to prove he can be trusted.  Lily appears to soften a bit, but then, OMG, IT’S A HELICOPTER!  They start screaming and waving their arms! 

 

“Baby, help is here!” Devon cries, rousing Hilary.  “It was Neil,” mumbles Hilary.  “He saved our lives,” says Devon.  That rock huddling paid off. 

 

The rescuer helps Neil.  “You’ll be with your family soon,” he promises.  Yaaaay.

 

Paul asks a cop what the word is on Travers.  “Sorry, chief.”  But before he can explain further, Summer goes ahead and loses it.  “OMG, you found his body didn’t you?!  He’s dead, isn’t he?!”  Paul asks why she would think he is DEAD?  I actually think that’s a reasonable fear in the dead of winter, but the meddling kids stare like deer in the headlights. 

 

Ashley tells Phyllis about the pocket.  “My God, Jack’s alive?” gasps Kelly.  “Kelly, I thought you were going to leave,” scolds Ashley.  “No, she decided to spew more lies about having sex with Jack last night”  sneers Phyllis.  Ashley has a terrible poker face.  Phyllis is like, do you KNOW something about this?  Ashley, umm, thinks they should just focus on finding Jack right now.  Kelly trots behind Phyllis who asks Nikki if this is true.  “Yes!” says Dirty Nikki.  “There’s hope!”

 

Dumbass, unprotected Nick has crawled uninvited into the pocket to find Victor.  “You shouldn’t BE here,” says the weary rescuer.  Hey, man, it’s HIS building, HIS call.  They pull some bricks off a man’s arm.  Nick’s horrified.  “He’s dead.”

[MollyB]

 

Noah talks to Nick about the snow caving in the roof.  Wow, their coverup story is so legit now!

I knew it wouldn't ever be Nick's fault.  Muoy Hero!

 

Doesn't Wisconsin have access to the National Weather Service?  A storm of such epic proportion would have:

Been on the radar long enough to issue warning bulletins,

held up small craft flights,

kept people off the roads (and Nick says the party was breaking up early because people wanted to get home before the roads closed but Sharon had already run into a ditch, so fuck that time line),

and probably made 99% of the cabin party bail because 93% of them didn't want to go anyway.

[ByTor]

Because she actually walks around slack jawed and her resting face is scrunched up eyebrows and slightly open mouth. Like she's working on a particularly difficult math problem all the time.

Like 3+5=?

[peacheslatour]

IKR?  One of thee most handsome, talented, classy man ever put on this earth!

I agree.  Who do you think are the other two?

[movinon]

 

Kelly rubs her slap.  “That doesn’t change anything.  Jack MADE LOVE TO ME, on the nasty storage room floor without even a thank you, ON VALENTINE’S DAY,” gloats Kelly.

This re-cap is full of good stuff, but this is my favorite.  Kelly gives new meaning to "off the rails" - and she is becoming better at acting crazy all the time.  Great job, peach - love this one.

[peach]

Tue, Feb 24   She Does Not Want Tea!

 

Nikki finally wipes her face off!  Ashley asks if she’s heard anything at all about Jack or Victor.   No, they just know about the air pocket.  Hope and pray.   Waiting around is driving Phyllis crazy.  She wants to wait at Memorial for when they bring them in.  She asks Ashley to keep KELLY away from Jack.  Blah blah, let’s all go to the hospital.  Dylan tells everyone to calm down and wait for Nick to come back.

 

Nick’s still in the pocket.  “Sir [idiot], you NEED to let Search & Rescue handle this,” says the rescue worker.  Nick emotionally says it’s HIS building, so it’s HIS responsibility, to make it more dangerous for everyone involved.  Can’t you get arrested for pulling crap like this?  Anyway, they found a dead guy’s arm sticking out of the bricks.  “If that’s Jack, or my dad, I want to help,” he says choking up, not understanding that being in the way is NOT helping.  They pull some junk off the body.  Nick sees who it is. “Oh, God.”  I'm pretty sure it's not God.

 

Perfectly healthy Billy strolls around the hospital waiting room with Chelsea, chatting about Connor.  Blah blah.  “I’m just grateful that all the smoke you guys breathed in didn’t affect your lungs,” says Chelsea.  Yeah, I’d be SUPER grateful since that is impossible.  The writers add “Smoke inhalation is nothing to joke around about,” in case anyone gets the wrong idea and thinks they can survive inside burning penthouses.  Do not try this at home.  Chelsea thinks Billy should check in on his family, half of whom could be dead at the moment.  Nah.  He’ll stick around and wait for Connor.  I guess they’re going home to their equally unscathed apartment.

 

Gabe pops in for a visit.  He’s also looking fit and healthy.  He got checked out in the ER after getting a little roughed up SAVING THEIR FAMILY.  They’ve also provided some new sexy catburglar clothing. Chelsea leaves to check on Connor.  Billy just can’t thank Gabe enough for SAVING THEIR LIVES.  Seriously, he can’t.  He can’t even thank him AT ALL.  He’s as contemptuous as ever, actually.  Gabe mentions checking on Connor, that baby he ran into a burning building to save while Billy took a nap.  “He’s asleep,” says Billy possessively.  You know, I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I’ve decided Billy is just the worst.  He’s worse than Nick.

 

Billy says until yesterday, he just saw Gabe as a mild mannered marketing guy that he was insanely jealous of, so who would have guessed the truth?  The truth about what, asks Gabe.  “Come on, man, a mystery?  When were you planning on telling me who you really are?” challenges Billy.

 

Paul jumps all over Summer for thinking Austin is dead.  That’s a little EXTREME at this point, doncha think??  How unusual for Summer to have an extreme emotional reaction.  Kevin claims that before Austin went out there, they’d been sitting around the fire telling scary stories about guys with hooks for hands, or something, and Summer has a child's mind and thinks that’s all true.  Mariah improves that dumb story by saying that on top of Austin being missing, she’s worried about her Grampa, so she’s just saying what she’s scared of, RIGHT, SUMMER?  Summer nods while Fen overmassages her shoulders.  Step off, party drugger! 

 

Paul says Summer should really be with her family!   Well, Austin IS her family, so she’s going to wait there for news.   Yep, just keep hanging out with these nosy cops.  Great idea.  “Suit yourself,” says Paul, going in his office with Michael and Lauren.  Kevin motions the gang into the interrogation room to say, “He’s onto us!”  Nothing gets past Paul Williams!!  Fen’s still holding Summer’s shoulders.  He walks her around like that.

 

Kevin frantically says they’re trying too hard.  Well, Summer’s not trying for shit, but the rest of them are not lying properly.  Paul’s really good at seeing through liars like them!!  Mariah’s keeping her head at least.  She tells him to stop his hysterical whispering.  Summer weeps.  Fen tells them all to keep it together!  “That SOUNDS easy, but every five minutes SHE keeps blurting something out, and nobody can keep a lid on it!” complains Kevin.  HOW ABOUT LEAVE?  Summer snaps at them to stop talking about her like she’s not there!  Fen tries to slowly explain how they have to BE CAREFUL.  Paul and his dad are smart!  They can’t give themselves away…that is, if they haven’t already.  OH NOES!  Mariah can’t even with these rubes.

 

Paul gets off the phone and tells Michael and Lauren that they might have found another survivor underground The Underground.  They’re calling up reinforcements from Madison to dig people out.  Lauren’s trying to stay positive with all these disasters happening at once.  Blah filler blah.  Paul says Summer could take a lesson from her in the power of positive whining.  “Do you get the feeling the kids aren’t giving us the whole story?” asks Michael.   Paul smirks.  Those kids.

 

Gabe tells Billy he’s nobody.  Just Gabriel Bingham, Marketing Guy.  “Maybe that’s the name you go by now, but you haven’t been telling us the whole story, have you?  I mean, who are you really?  CIA agent, Russian spy, drug lord??”  Adam sits down laughing.  He is way worse than any of those things.  He has NO idea what you’re talkin’ about, Billy.  JMO here, but when a suspected drug lord saves your life, it’s probably best just to say thank you and go on about your business. 

 

Oh, but Billy’s GOTCHA!  “The bullet wound..’Gabe’?”  He overheard the paramedic talking to him about it, and anyone who’s ever been shot has to change their name.  Everybody knows that.  “That’s gotta be an interesting story.  So how’d that happen?”  Oh, this huge asshole shot me one time.  Turns out Gabe doesn’t really like talking about his personal bullet wounds.  “Oh, that’s right, you’re a private person.  I forgot,” Billy says sarcastically.  “But since you saved by life, we kinda created a bond.  So wouldn’t you say I’m entitled to the truth?”  IT’S OFFICIAL.  BILLY ABBOTT IS THE WORST.  Only in Billy’s world would saving his life mean YOU owe HIM.  I just…I have to take a break.

 

Okay, I’m back.  Gabe awkwardly says okay.  “Good!  You’re on board!  So, who pumped ya full of lead, and why’d they do it?” asks Billy eagerly.  Adam just looks at him, like, wow, you really are a fucking jerk.  But he says, “Someone who hated me.  With good reason.”  But who also needs a punch in the throat. 

 

Half of Genoa City hangs around Crimson Lights for news.  “Kelly, what are you still doing here?” snaps Phyllis.  She is WAITING for news about JACK.  Blah fight blah WE MADE LOVE IN THE DIRT! blah blah.  This is worse than Real Housewives for poor Ashley.  She tries to make them quiet down in public before they screech all the dirty Abbott laundry for the whole town to hear.

 

Noah notices that Ash has her hands full.  Abby says her head is spinning, everything is so insane right now!  Victoria asks what ELSE is going on?  Isn’t a building collapse enough?  Abby says it’s like despair and hope, and either way it’s painful.  Hope is painful?

 

Rescue Guy asks Nick if he knows who the victim is.  Yeah, he says sadly.  It’s Derek, one of his part time bartenders.   Bartenders are dropping like flies.  Mariah’s getting stuck with ALL the shifts, you guys.  Nick cries that Derek didn’t deserve to die like this.  Not with so many other more deserving citizens around there.  Poor Derek wanted to be a writer.  So they killed him!  Rescue Guy thinks maybe Nick should go take a break.  Nice try, Rescue Guy.  Nick can’t leave, not while his dad is still there.  Time’s ticking away.  Nick crawls through some more rubble.  He hears groaning!  There’s someone over here!!

 

Paul says there was some tension between Summer and the rest of the kids, but Summer is pretty annoying.  Lauren doesn’t think much of it.  It’s been a long, emotional night for all of them, and she doesn’t get the same pleasure out of ratting people out that Michael does.  Paul calls the FAA again.  Michael says he’ll be right back.  Time to get nosy.

 

He drags Fen out of the interrogation room for an interrogation of his own.  When your kid’s been a drug addict, the first thing you might be worried about is drugs.  But Michael wants to know if Summer and Austin were fighting at the cabin.  Was that the REAL reason he took off?  Nunya bizness.  But Fen just scrunches up his face like the worst teenage liar ever and says Michael already knows why Austin left. Why does he think it was something else?  Michael’s just getting a very strange [guilty] vibe from Summer.  She’s just super worried about Austin.  “And she went to a very dark place with that,” says Michael. Yeah, it’s called being a drama queen.  “Wouldn’t you, if Mom walked off into a snowstorm and disappeared?” Hmm.  Good point.  But they all seem so protective of Summer.  Fen says they’re friends, Dad.  “And you know how she is.”  Okay, fine.

 

Fen goes back to the others.  His dad was asking questions, the kind they’ve been afraid of.  Mariah’s like, great.  Drama Snowflake hops up and flutters her hand like Mariah Carey.  “That’s it!” she wheezes.  “I can’t take this anymore!  We have to tell the truth!”  Kevin looks at her, like, are you fucking kidding me?

 

Phyllis yanks Ashley onto the terrace.  Is it true about Kelly and Jack?!  Wow, I wish I had a sister like Ashley.  She admits she saw them come out of the storage room, adjusting their clothes.   Maybe she could have left that detail out.  “Kelly slipped away, and I confronted Jack.  He didn’t admit it, but he didn’t deny it, either.  And he didn’t apologize.”  Phyllis is stunned.  Ashley is super sorry.  She hates laying that on her, but now that she has, can Phyllis just put it aside?  She really said that TO PHYLLIS.  He’s fighting for his life right now, IF he’s alive, so put it aside.

 

NICK CALLS.  They found Jack!!  Woo hoo!  He’s in pretty rough shape, but he’s still alive!  No sign of Victor yet, but they’re not giving up!  Everyone’s relieved.  Nick will keep them posted.  Nikki says with confidence that if Jack’s alive, that means Victor’s alive!  “God knows he wouldn’t let Jack best him at this.  You know I’m right,” she says to everyone.  We sure do.

 

Jack’s loaded onto an orange rescue stretcher.  His tie is still tied, but I guess in a disaster he could accept the top button being undone.  Nick says he’s gonna be alright.  Jack looks around as best he can, like, where the hell is Victor?  I’m still banking on the trapdoor.

 

Adam tells Billy it was a…woman, who he didn’t treat very well.  “THAT’S who shot you?” laughs Billy.  Yeah, well, she was drunk, it was an accident, shit happens.  So what on earth did he DO to make her mad enough to shoot him?  Umm, she was engaged, but she and Gabe had “one of those nights.”  Her fiancé found out and dumped her flat, so she came running back to Gabe thinking they’d run off together.  Happily ever after, and all that.  “Which is sorta what I may have told her that night,” says Gabe.  That sounds like a plausible Bingo story.  Or perhaps a CIA cover story.  lol

 

Billy gets it.  He says women of a certain age, they take things so literally.  (THE WORST)  Adam says that sounds like the voice of experience.  Billy says he’s reformed.   Yep, Gabe is too.  Unfortunately, he wasn’t always such a gentleman as he is NOW.  He goes into way too much detail about this crazy lady coming after him with a pearl handled pistol.  “That’s crazy, you could have died!” says Billy.  Sure could have.  But it was Gabe’s fault.  He had it coming for making her lose something so dear to her, the love of her life, probably.  Also, he lied to her, so when the truth came out…”She wanted to kill you,” says Billy.  

 

Gabe says he understood why she did it.  What about Billy, does HE understand why she woulda done that?  As a matter of fact, he does.  Chelsea interrupts.  “What’s going on?”  Um, they were talking?  Billy says Gabe was telling him the interesting details of his colorful past that also serves as an amazing analogy to him shooting Adam for killing Deila!  Chelsea laughs.  She’d love to hear them.  Not likely, says Adam.  He doesn’t like to dwell on the past.  He’s a new man.

 

Ashley comes running in.  Jack’s at the hospital!  He’s alive!  Billy’s like, was there ever any doubt?  Well, yeah, actually.  He was crushed under a second collapse.  She didn’t want to worry him with so much else going on.  She drops it that Victor is still missing.  Adam’s like..whoa.  Chelsea says he’ll be okay, he has to be.  Connor loves his grandfather.  Billy’s going to go check on Jack. 
Adam says maybe he should head over to Nick’s club and see if he can help out with anything.  Chelsea frowns.  “Why would you do that?”  Obviously, his hobby is saving people's lives.

 

Nick says the rescuers searched all over, but they can’t find Dad.  He wants to keep being annoying, but Dylan pulls him aside and says the BEST thing he can do is take Mom home to rest.  So she’s Mom now.  Victoria agrees.  Nick’s dead on his feet and Mom’s Mostly Sauced has been flaring.  Remember when she dropped the baby? Nick’s conflicted.  Dylan says Nikki will follow his lead.  He agrees.  She agrees to go with Nick.  Noah tells Abby he’s going to check on Summer.

 

Summer is screaming inside a police station that she CANNOT keep pretending!  PRETENDING IS HARD!  WAAAH!!  I always thought Summer was particularly good at pretending, but not today.  “Besides, if I tell the police what happened, it might help them find Austin!”  Find his body, you mean, says Mariah.  LOOK, if they’re right and Paul is onto them, then it’s only a matter of time before they find out anyways!  “And if Austin really is dead, and someone moved his body, then something REALLY WEIRD is happening, and WE OWE IT TO HIM TO FIND OUT WHAT IT IS!”  Kevin’s like STFU!!!  They are IN THIS now, and it’s too late to change their story.  They stick to the plan or they face the consequences.  “This isn’t just about you anymore, Summer,” says Fen all teary eyed.  “I NEVER ASKED TO BE PROTECTED!” shrieks Summer, which is a fair point.  “This is NOT just about YOU anymore,” seconds Mariah.  “Can’t you get that through your head, YOU INCREDIBLE NARCISSIST!!”   Bonus points for Mariah.  Summer stares and gasp breathes.  What’s a narcissist?

 

The doctor talks to Ashley and Phyllis.  For a guy who spent hours buried alive, he’s a lucky man.  Concussion, cracked ribs, etc., but generally okay.  Can they see him now?  One at a time.  Kelly comes running down the hallway.  “Is Jack alright?!”  Phyllis tells Ashley to go in first, so she can fill Kelly in.  “He’s going to be alright, but YOU can leave now.”  Kelly says Phyllis needs to wrap her mind around this and accept the fact that Jack chose KELLY, okay?  “You were in the other room when we were ‘making love’ and he didn’t even give a damn.”  I’d call Kelly a stage 5 clinger, but that would be an insult to stage 5 clingers. 

 

Ashley chats with Jack.   Just because she wants to kill him sometimes does NOT mean she wants him to die!  He asks about Victor, but they’re still looking for him.  He shakes his head.   Phyllis was terrified, but she’s not very happy with HIM thanks to the circumstances.  What, they worked through all that?  Sheesh, not that, Jack.  “You slept with Kelly at the Valentine party. Phyllis knows ALL about it.”  Because I told her.  Jack looks at her in confusion.  “I DID WHAT?”

 

The doctor did say he has a concussion, so maybe he has a little short term memory loss, says Ashley, implying he might be faking that part.  Jack’s eyes get really big.  “I.don’t. know.what.you’re.talking.about,” he says.  Oh, stop it, Jackie.  Ashley knows.  The Underground, storage room, Jack and Kelly going at it with Phyllis just a few yards away?”  Jack’s like, GROSS!  “You actually WITNESSED Kelly and me ‘going at it’??”  Yuck, no, but she saw them coming out, and it was obvious.  “You acted like it was no big deal, Jack.  Are you honestly trying to tell me that you don’t remember?”  His eyes are bugging out.  “I am TELLING YOU it NEVER HAPPENED!”

 

Phyllis tells Kelly the truth is neither of them belong there.  Jack betrayed them both.  Now THAT’S something they have in common right now.  Kelly sneers.  Ashley comes out and says Jack wants to see Phyllis.

 

Noah tells Paul he’s heading over to Memorial to see Jack for some reason.  Is Jack like a dad to him, too?  He leaves to check on Summer first.  Lauren weeps and worries with Michael, blah blah.   Michael’s glass is half full of positive energy.  Paul bursts in.  They plane wreckage has been found and by some miracle, only the pilot is dead!  WHO CARES ABOUT THE PILOT!  THIS IS FANTASTIC! Paul says there ARE some injuries and some super hurt feelings.  But they’ve all been taken to a hospital in Illinois.  There is much rejoicing.

 

Mariah yells at the "privileged little snot" for not thinking of anyone else.  “It is not YOUR secret to tell anymore!”  They will ALL get in tons of trouble if she eases her conscience.  They could ALL go to jail!  Summer didn’t ask them to do it!  It's all Mariah's fault!  Mariah says she did it for AUSTIN!  Summer says maybe Courtney was right, and the safest thing is to just tell the truth.  Fen freaks out.  He DRUGGED EVERYONE, and he’ll go back to prison!  Noah says to CALM DOWN and STICK TOGETHER.  Kevin says it may be too late.   Paul and Michael already suspect something.  Omg, not that.  Summer says it’s the perfect time to tell the truth! 

 

Noah wishes he had access to Grandpa’s evil mind right now, but he KNOWS what he would say.  “Close ranks, family first, and do whatever it takes to protect you and ourselves.”  The dynasty lives.  Summer’s like, shit, I forgot we make our own rules. 

 

Chelsea says Adam’s done enough rescue work for one day.  Um, yeah, he just wanted to pitch in.  He knows Victor’s not the most popular person in town, but he’s Chelsea’s family, and he just wanted to help.  She appreciates that, but leave it to the professionals.  She says he must be anxious to tell his wife he’s okay.  She could have lost him in that fire.  Sage is really lucky that she didn’t.  Chelsea starts to leave, and Adam grimaces.  Chelsea, wait!  “I haven’t been honest with you.”  The fire created a bond, amirite, and he doesn’t want to lie to her anymore.  “It’s my marriage.  The whole thing is a sham.  Sage and I only tied the knot so I could get my inheritance.”  But then, see, he actually fell in love with Sage!  The thing is, it’s one-sided.  Chelsea’s taken aback.  “I really thought I was getting to know you.  But now I’m not so sure.”

 

Billy walks up while Ashley tells Kelly that Jack needs his rest.  It would be best if she left.  Kelly says he’s not going to get any rest with that whack job Phyllis in there!  Ash says they have things to work through that don’t involve her.  “The hell they DON’T involve me!” cries Krazy Kelly.  Just GO!  Fine, but she’ll be back, because that’s what Jack WANTS.  After he and Phyllis “work things out,” she says snidely.  She storms off. 

 

Billy asks if he wants to know what that was all about.  “No, you don’t!”  Okay, back to me.  He can’t believe she didn’t tell him how serious it was.  Jack is left for dead, and Billy’s the last one to know??  “It was just that one horrible part I left out,” she says.  lol  Billy would have made time no matter what.  But there was nothing he could have done, so she was just trying to do the loving thing.  Is Jack going to be okay?  Depends on the meaning of okay.  “Jack just looked me in the face and lied to me.”

 

Phyllis stands across the room from Jack.  “I’m so glad you’re okay,” she whispers.  He’s so glad she’s there.  Isn’t she going to come over to him?  “I don’t know yet.  How could you have sex with her?” she says, breaking down weeping.  Was that part of the plan to push her over the edge, because it’s working.  The thought of him with her is enough to send her to the straitjacket!  Jack promises he did NOT sleep with Kelly.  Ashley misinterpreted what she saw.  Yeah, well, Kelly was happy to fill in the juicy details!  Tears roll down Phyllis’ face.  “And do you BELIEVE HER?  Or do you believe ME,” Jack asks earnestly.  How does it feel to have the shoe on the other foot?  They’re switching shoes all over the place in there.

 

Nick, Victoria, and Abby bring Nikki home.   Nick says he shouldn’t be there.  He should be at The Underground underground looking for Dad.  “Your mother needs you,” says Abby.  This is exactly where he should be.  Nikki’s hands shake dramatically.  Can Victoria get her some tea?  SHE DOES NOT.WANT.TEA!  In fact, TEA is the LAST thing that she wants, she cries, theatrically grabbing her vodka bottle and filling a glass right in front of them!  “MOM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” cries Nick.  She guzzles down the vodka while they just gasp.

 

Lauren bursts in the interrogation room to get Fen. They have to go to the hospital NOW!  They found the plane, and Jill’s alive!  Good luck with Austin, everyone!  Fen hugs Summer tight and leaves with his parents.

 

“So what are you gonna do, Summer, are you gonna keep your mouth shut?” asks Mariah.  Summer pouts and says she’ll keep the secret even though they don’t really know what happened to Austin.  “We DO know,” says Noah.  “We all saw him, Courtney couldn’t find a pulse.  Austin is DEAD.  We just don’t know what happened to the body.”   Paul comes in.  “I just heard from the sheriff’s office.  They’ve located Austin.”  Everyone freezes.  “He’s FINE,” says Paul.  Sheesh!  “Thank God!” gasps Summer.  Everyone else looks a little concerned.  Cuuuz, Austin is probably kinda mad.  Worse than that, Summer was RIGHT.

 

Adam apologizes to Chelsea, but he and Sage agreed not to tell anyone.  He’s not proud of what he did, but in his defense, he’s not the same guy he was when he made that deal.  So why is he telling her now?  Because he was sick of lying to her, and she was under the impression they were a happily married couple, when that’s obviously not the case AT ALL.  He just likes talking to her, and he has no one else to confide in about it.  So he thought he’d man up and tell her the truth.  Con Artist Chelsea falls for all that since she wasn’t above a stunt like that in her past.  She would TOTALLY have done that.  She thinks he deserves a REAL marriage, REAL love that’s reciprocated, though.  So don’t give up on the woman you love.  “Well, I don’t intend to,” he says with his sexy grin. 

 

Ashley tells Billy she KNOWS what she saw.  He says that makes no sense!  “Well, unfortunately, our brother is doing a LOT of things that don’t make sense.”

 

Jack asks Phyllis to say she believes him.  “If Kelly said the sky is blue, she would be LYING. She is a disturbed woman!” insists Jack.  “So she’s crazy like me?” says Phyllis.  Jack admits we throw that word around too much.  He holds up his hand.  AS GOD AS HIS WITNESS… “You didn’t sleep with That Woman.”  Jack wouldn’t DO THAT to her.  If he did, he wouldn’t lie about it, especially after making it out of that deathtrap alive.  They can’t waste any of their precious life on ugly thoughts and negative actions!   Cherish, live, blah blah!  “I LOVE YOU!  I am DONE with Kelly!  That pathological liar is NO PART of my life anymore!” he says desperately.  Kelly’s listening at the door, making the craziest face yet.   Maybe she’ll shoot him with a pearl handled pistol!

 

Nikki’s filling up a second glass of vodka.  It’s just something to kill the pain, kids!  She’s having a well-deserved drink!  “Might as well make one for me while you’re at it,” says a familiar gruff voice at the door.  Dusty old Victor has materialized at the ranch.  He don’t need no stinking rescue.

[Snaporaz]

I have to agree about Billy. I can't even think of an appropriate word to describe him. "Gobshite", maybe? We may need to make up a word.

But I don't remember him being this bad before he left Delia alone in a car at night. I confess that I did like Billy Miller, but I'm not sure this is the actor's fault. Or is it? Could BM's delivery have made the words coming out of his mouth seem not quite so obnoxious?

[Suby]

I agree.  Who do you think are the other two?

No one I ever met lol.

Except my dear daddy :)

Edited February 26, 2015 by Suby

[peach]

I have to agree about Billy. I can't even think of an appropriate word to describe him. "Gobshite", maybe? We may need to make up a word.

But I don't remember him being this bad before he left Delia alone in a car at night. I confess that I did like Billy Miller, but I'm not sure this is the actor's fault. Or is it? Could BM's delivery have made the words coming out of his mouth seem not quite so obnoxious?

 

I didn't like Billy Miller either, with his fake Cheshire cat grin, like, aren't I cute, now you have to forgive whatever shitty thing I just did.  After David Tom came along I realized I just didn't like Billy ABBOTT.  I'm totally with Victor on this.  Burgess Jenkins doesn't bother me a bit, which I know is an unpopular opinion, because I hate the character.  I mean, I kind of like hating Billy, he gives me a lot of material.  He's consistent.  What would I do without Billy and Summer?

 

I will give Billy Miller credit for being a very natural actor, and he made Billy seem more like a real person and less soapy, but he was still an asshole.  I feel for Adam, because what a curse.  To be indebted to someone so friggin' obnoxious.  And he doesn't have the "right" to tell Billy to piss off because of what he did to him.  But geez, Delia or no Delia, to say YOU saved MY life so I'M ENTITLED to know anything I want about you is just...incredible.  ENTITLED.  That's Billyboy Abbott.

[PatsyandEddie]

I loved BM but he was the first actor to make me think twice about BA who is an entitled, spoiled, immature bum. BM's cuteness and personal charm made him more likeable but with the cuteness taken away, the bum is revealed once again. This is who BA really is. Bu J doesn't bother me at all. 

[peacheslatour]

O.k. you guys, I have a conundrum: Adam took a bullet for Victor, yes?  And then Billy shot him, right?  So how many gunshot scars does he have?  At least two that we know of.  I wonder which one the EMT's saw.

[peach]

That was Billy's bullet because he showed it to Jack when he said he could get Billy arrested for murder.  I guess taking a bullet for Victor doesn't leave a scar.  Neither does exploding in a car.  lol

[Gloriole33]

Adam was also shot in the arm by Sharon, as I recall.

[glowlights]

“This is NOT just about YOU anymore,” seconds Mariah.  “Can’t you get that through your head, YOU INCREDIBLE NARCISSIST!!”

 

This needs to be a gif. I screamed and cheered like a hockey mom.

 

Billy Abbott = nope. Just... nope.

[MollyB]

Gobshite works for me.  It sounds so exotic.

 

Every interrogation room I've ever seen in real life and tv has a video camera and microphone in it.  Why doesn't Paul just turn that on?  And why are these 'kids' hanging out, screaming and hysterically whispering at a police station?  Whatever happened to the Malibu Condo?

[Foghorn Leghorn]

 

Whatever happened to the Malibu Condo?

 

Malibu Barbi was using it?

[Snaporaz]

O.k. you guys, I have a conundrum: Adam took a bullet for Victor, yes?  And then Billy shot him, right?  So how many gunshot scars does he have?  At least two that we know of.  I wonder which one the EMT's saw.

Luckily, the EMT saw the one that gave the most gratuitous view of the abs!

[movinon]

 

“Oh, that’s right, you’re a private person.  I forgot,” Billy says sarcastically.  “But since you saved by life, we kinda created a bond.  So wouldn’t you say I’m entitled to the truth?”  IT’S OFFICIAL.  BILLY ABBOTT IS THE WORST.  Only in Billy’s world would saving his life mean YOU owe HIM.  I just…I have to take a break.

I have to take a break, too.  I was so hoping Adam was going to leave him to die in that fire, and 1/4 of the problems with the show would be solved.  But no, Adam has been made stupid, too, and he drags him out and now we still have to look at him.  They promised that one main character was going to die, and since we all know it can't be Victor, Billy was my choice.  I would choose Devon, but he just doesn't matter to me.  I loved Billy Miller, the actor, but that wasn't enough to make Billy an upstanding lovable guy - I know we need Abbotts, but I don't see replacing the actor as the solution.  Delia's death could have been made a turning point for the character of Billy, where he accepted his lack of responsibility and maturity, and became a better person.  This brush with death could be used in the same manner, but I'm sure that has occurred to nobody in power.  They need to make him better, send him away for a couple of years, or kill him off forever - I just can't with this guy anymore. 

Edited February 26, 2015 by movinon

[peach]

Of course, a child's life is the most important thing ever, if it's Delia.  It's not such a big deal that Connor was going to DIE if Gabriel hadn't saved him, because yet again, Billy couldn't protect a child in his care properly.  You'd think he'd at least have gotten Delia's corneas out of that building.  But I'm sure he will tell us another hundred times what a great dad he is. 

 

It kind of irks me that they didn't make a bigger deal out of the smoke inhalation, and nobody needed actual hospital care, besides a makeover in the ER.  It undercuts what Adam really did.  I, too, wished he just left him for dead.  Or set him on fire and threw him down the stairs for some broken bones, so he could spend a year recovering and just having to be a silent hand for a while. THEN they'd be even.  But, no, let's pick NOW to redeem Adam.  :P

[peach]

Adam was also shot in the arm by Sharon, as I recall.

 

It was so silly when Billy acted like Gabe being shot made him have some secret past.  Like shootings in GC aren't a fairly common occurrence.  See, Adam's been shot three times be people close to him.  I didn't watch this show for years, so I was wondering if he was pulling some past stories into his cover story for Billy.  Was Sharon the girl with the pearl handled pistol?  lol

 Whatever happened to the Malibu Condo?

 

I'm wondering if it turned into Gabe's new penthouse.  But I love the Malibu Condo, and I hope they keep it.  Throw Summer out, though.  What good is the Malibu Condo without Malibu Austin?  Omg, I guess Kyle will get it.

[peacheslatour]

It was so silly when Billy acted like Gabe being shot made him have some secret past.  Like shootings in GC aren't a fairly common occurrence.  See, Adam's been shot three times be people close to him.  I didn't watch this show for years, so I was wondering if he was pulling some past stories into his cover story for Billy.  Was Sharon the girl with the pearl handled pistol?  lol

 

I'm wondering if it turned into Gabe's new penthouse.  But I love the Malibu Condo, and I hope they keep it.  Throw Summer out, though.  What good is the Malibu Condo without Malibu Austin?  Omg, I guess Kyle will get it.

Kyle will just move right in with Dummer, and by the way I think this actor is really a vast improvement over FrankenKyle. I can believe that this guy is the son of bad boy Original Recipe JackAbbott.  I love his cocksuredness.

Edited February 26, 2015 by peacheslatour

[peach]

Wed, Feb 25    WE MADE LOVE!!!

 

HE’S ALIVE!  Abby, Nick, and Victoria hug dusty old Victor with joy!  Nikki sits in slackjawed shock, clutching her vodka.  Victor walks over to her, and takes the glass.  “I need that more than you do,” he says gently.  Nikki just stares, shame faced. 

 

“You FOUND Austin?” Kevin asks frowning.  Don’t sound so confused, bro.  “He’s safe!  Austin’s coming back to me!” cries Summer.  Noah’s like, yeaaah.  So how did they find him?  Oh, well, they got a report of a Caucasian male in his 20’s trapped in a ravine near the Abbott Cabin.  Sounds like some wiggle room there.  The rescuers are bringing him up now.  Who else could it be, right?  Summer’s sure it’s him, and he’s safe.  Paul doesn’t have an injury report on him, but he’s talking.  GULP.  Mariah’s like, oh, what’s he saying?  “HELP, mostly.  That’s how they found him.”  Lol 

 

Summer needs to see him!  Paul says the conditions are still dicey, so they should wait at Memorial for him.  Whoa, Summer should be the FIRST person to see him, says Mariah, the first to TALK to him.  And they all should be there to support her!  Courtney totally agrees!  Summer promises not to freak out.  Okay, Paul’s headed up there now for no reason, so let’s go.  Summer, Kevin, and Mariah rush out with him.

 

“Austin’s alive?” Noah says to Courtney.  Great pulse-taking skills you got there. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m relieved, buuut…””Yeah!  The second he opens his mouth, our lives are over!” says Courtney.  Sounds you like better kill him anyway, then.

 

Chelsea says Adam’s not crazy for fighting for love.  “Even if the girl in question doesn’t feel the same way?” asks Adam.  Is what he feels real and lasting?  Yep.  Okay, if he gives all that realness to Sage, Chelsea trusts that she will reciprocate and give it back.  “Then that is what I will do,” smiles Adam.  Riveting. 

 

Billy shows back up.  Jack is gonna be just fine.   Chelsea thanks God, and Adam cringes while she hugs jackass Billy.  Whatever, he mouths. Billy asks if he’s okay over there, he looks like he’s about to drop.  Maybe he’s tired from running up 100 flights of stairs two times.  Adam says he’s just relieved Jack’s okay.  Well, no statement of Gabe’s can go unquestioned by Billy.  “Just how close ARE you and Jack?” he demands to know.  I mean, you saved his life, Gabe, so he’s entitled to know.  Sage happens by and looks worried by this turn of conversation.

 

Jack is in his hospital bed, telling Phyllis how DONE he is with Kelly.  He wants nothing to DO with that pathological liar!  Kelly bursts in the door!  “I’M the liar?  I’M THE LIAR?  YOU took me to that back room, YOU RIPPED MY CLOTHES OFF, YOU said that you wanted me!!”  Jack yells at her to GET OUT OF HERE NOW!  “I’M NOT GONNA PLACATE YOU ANYMORE…that you could make up such an AWFUL LIE!”  Kelly is understandably upset.  HE DID say he wanted her, he MADE LOVE to her, and now he’s going to lie there and DENY IT?!  I'm getting a little tired of Kelly saying they MADE LOVE!  I wish I could make her stop.

Jack is red-faced furious.  “How could I ever believe a single word you said!  You had me believing PHYLLIS was the cause of the trouble.  I was such an IDIOT to believe that!”  Kelly turns to Phyllis.  “You just told me outside that he betrayed us BOTH.  ARE YOU GOING TO SIT THERE AND LET HIM MAKE FOOLS OF US BOTH, NOW?!” she screams.   Phyllis stares at Jack.  Suddenly her eyes narrow, like, waaait a minute.  She hadn’t thought of that angle.

 

She recovers a second later, and turns back to Kelly.  “You, and me?  We are not an Us.  There’s one fool in this room, and she needs to leave.”  Kelly is spitting mad.  She thinks this is some sick game they play!  Jack wants what he wants, and then he gets it.  “And YOU pretend to be all strong and independent, and then you SWALLOW whatever line he gives you!!  Well, let me tell you something, honey, HE IS LAUGHING AT BOTH OF US!!”  Jack shouts that either she is delusional, or a DAMN good liar!  “It haaappened, Jack,” she wails.  Oh, so CONVINCING.  Phyllis was RIGHT!  She set her up with the wigs and the antifreeze!  “I can’t believe you would POISON YOURSELF to get what you want!” he bellows. 

 

Kelly screams that Jack is twisting everything around.  Phyllis DID poison her, and she’s going to prison for it.  “AND YOU WILL HAVE SOLD YOUR SOUL AND YOUR DECENCY FOR A WOMAN WHO’S GOING TO PRISON!”  Phyllis jumps up and puts her finger in Kelly’s face.  “Ah ha.  There it is, folks.  You want me in a cell so bad you can taste it.  That’s why you set up the tea, and the antifreeze, so you can get me away from Jack!  Guess what?  DIDN’T WORK!”  A doctor comes in and tells them all to STFU!  Have some courtesy, geez!  Jack’s heart rate is elevated, let his patient rest.  Kelly storms out.  Phyllis says they need to put a guard on the door and keep her out of here!  “I’m so sorry I ever believed a word she said,” says Jack.  “I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me.”  Looks like the jury might still be out on that.

 

Adam stammers that he reacted that way because of his grandmother.  Grief and such.  Lately he’s really relieved when people get a second chance.  And Jack is amazing and gave Gabe a second chance.  Billy says that’s his brother, the king of [a gazillion] second chances.  Adam says it’s a lucky night.  Everyone made it out of their disasters.  Sage walks in.  They hug.  Nick got her out of the club, and they brought her to the ER and cleaned her up.  Man, I want to go to this ER, because it must include a salon. 

 

Billy says they want to get Connor and go home.  Sage says they shut the building down because of damage and to investigate the fire.  Billy tells Chelsea it’s no problem, they’ll just head to the mansion and Mrs. Martinez’ cooking.  I guess Sage and Adam can always hole up at their castle.  Billy leaves to get the kid, and Adam goes for coffee.

 

Chelsea tells Sage that Gabriel’s so relieved she’s okay, even though he never said one word about it.  Sage says she’s tough.  “What I’m trying to say is..he loves you,” says Chelsea.  He told her about the will, and why they got married.  Sage is like, is that so?  Chelsea says Gabe is a good guy, and she knows he has a bad boy past, but there’s a lot of good stuff there for them to build a life on.  So give him a chance.  Adam returns, and watches Chelsea walk away with a little smile. “You are shameless,” says Sage.  “What’d ya tell her, you love me, but I won’t let you into my cold heart?” she mocks.  Adam thought it seemed fair enough after she told Nick about their business arrangement marriage.  “Fair enough,” says Sage, “but you made me out to be this evil witch, and you’re just a decent guy who deserves a second chance.”  That’s what Chelsea said?  THAT’S GREAT, grins Adam, which actually makes Sage laugh despite herself.  Seriously, why does Sage care what Chelsea thinks?

 
Anyway, she thinks he hasn’t fooled everybody.  Billy called him out on being so weird about Jack. “He’s not on board yet,” says Sage.  Of course not, says Adam, why would he be?  Adam just saved his life, while he goes home with HIS wife and son, that UNGRATEFUL BASTARD!  Sage is like, chill, geez!   Um, Sage, Billy is a pretty ungrateful bastard, okay?  Adam wants to go visit Jack.  Sage thinks a random Jabot employee shouldn’t do that.  “He knows, Sage.  He knows.”  Sometimes Adam’s delivery reminds me of Tom Cruise.  Sage is like, WHY would you tell Jack who you are?  Well, because you were mean that one day and said he had no friends.  Adam says he needed Jack’s help!  And he IS the only friend he’s ever had.  Sage snaps that he’s on MEDICATION and could tell someone!  All the more reason why Adam needs to talk to him.  “You think you can really trust him?”  Yeah, he can trust him with his life, actually.  “He’s a good guy, Sage.  I was actually really shaken up when I thought we might lose him tonight.”

 

Nikki wails that they thought they LOST Victor!  “Why would you think THAT?”  Um, you were crushed by a building, twice?  That doesn't kill vampires, duh.  Nick says he looked for him all night!  Abby says they said no one could survive!  “Well, obviously they were wrong.”  He asks Nick to pay the cab driver.  So he crawled out of a wrecked building surrounded by emergency services and just grabbed a cab home.  They want him to go the hospital, but Victor wants to take a shower, and then he and Nikki will talk about everything.  Then he passes out.

 

Jack is sorry he believed a word That Woman said to him.  “It was more than a WORD,” says Phyllis, “It was an entire trashy novel’s worth!”  Obviously, it was easy for Jack to think Phyllis was damaged!  That’s on you, Phyllis.  Jack is super sorry about Fairview.  He knows what that place has done to people, like Sharon, Patti, his own sister.  It kills him to think he had anything to do with her being there.  Jack notices Phyllis seems very calm.  “Are you about to explode?”  Phyllis says maybe she’s this way because he almost DIED in that mess.  She really doesn’t feel like pounding on him right now.  And besides, he loves her, and is sorry, and is on her side, and will never trust That Woman again.  RIGHT, JACK??  “NE-VER,” says Jack. 

 

She holds his hand.  “Then we take it from here.  You and me.”  Jack says he doesn’t deserve her.  Oh, does he want to talk about who deserves what?  “No, no, no!  Stay away from Kelly!  She is unbalanced.  Stay away from her!”  Phyllis promises she won’t touch her.  She’ll use a blow dart or something.  Now sleep and dream of Istanbul.  Phyllis comes out and asks a nurse if she knows where that desperate blonde went.

 

Adam slips in.  Jack looks alarmed.  Adam sits down and remembers when he was in this hospital bed, and Jack came and visited him.  “You said, Junior, the world is a much more interesting place with you in it.” Jack says that doesn’t sound like him.  “You said it,” smiles Adam. “You told me you’d do everything in your power to keep me in it.”  That was BEFORE, says Jack.  Adam knows that, but it meant a lot to him.  And now here he is, in a similar position.  No, it’s not the same thing.  “You took a bullet and saved Victor’s life.  I’m here because HE saved MINE.  Have you ever heard anything so crazy in your life” even though it’s happened before?  Actually, Adam has.  Ask his brother how he got out of a burning building alive.  Jack's like, wait, what?  Anyway, Jack needs to rest, so he’s gonna slip out.

 

“Adam..things were touch and go there for a while, so I may have, uh…said something to Victor about you.”  He told Victor he was alive??  Jack didn’t get that far, but Victor’s on full alert right now.  Adam doesn’t think he needs to worry about that too much, because Victor’s still under the rubble, like permanently.  “Omg,” says Jack in wonder.  “It’s hard to imagine a world without Victor in it.”  Meh, not for Adam.  “The world is a much more interesting place with YOU in it,” he says affectionately.  He leaves.

 

Paul and the Abbott Cabin Gang wait under a tent thing while Paul says they’re still trying to get Austin out of the ravine.  Here he comes, walking up huddled under a blanket!  Summer races up to him.  OMG, AUSTIN, SHE WAS SO SCARED.  He looks up..and it’s Kyle?  Or so Summer tells us. Way cuter than the last one.  He also looks like a college kid, and probably another entitled little shit.  You were right, Summer, something REALLY WEIRD is happening.

 

“So, Kyle, what the hell are you doing up here?” asks Paul.  It was supposed to be a surprise, coming to Abby’s party, and then the storm hit, and there was nowhere to take shelter.  Mariah’s like, so THIS is Kyle.  THE Kyle?  Yeah, he’s Jack’s son and Summer’s friend.  How’d he get in the ravine?  Well, his car got stuck, so he set out on foot.  He knows it was a stupid idea to come out here without telling anyone.  Luckily they were out searching for Summer’s murder victim.  “You’re here now, and you’re safe, and I am SO glad,” says Summer.  But where’s Austin?!  “Wait a minute.  Your husband’s missing?” asks Kyle.  Yeah, and she’s so scared, Kyle.  She lays her head on his shoulder.  Kevin and Mariah look at each other and smirk.

 

The Newman clan is at the hospital talking to the doctor.  “So the roof caves in,” says Nick, “and all Dad has is a concussion??  Hard headed does not begin to cover it!”  The doctor ordered some more tests, but he seems okay.  “So for now, just a concussion, and possible nerve damage,” says Nick.  Wait, nerve damage sounds kind of serious.  “I’m right here,” says Victor being brought in by wheelchair, “and I’m getting out of this place.”  They all cluck and scold.  He needs to stay overnight.  The aide says the hospital is at capacity because of the storm and all the disasters, so Mr. Newman will be sharing a room.  Nick thinks that’s hilarious.  “Are you SERIOUS?  Doc, I paid for half this damn hospital!  I can’t have my own room?”  Throw somebody in the street, dammit.   Victoria says he’ll be very cozy.

 

Chelsea and Billy settle in at the Abbott mansion where they have plenty of their own clothes even though they escaped the fire with nothing.   Chelsea feels terrible for Victoria and her family, but she also just wants to feel relief for one night, she says, settling into the sofa, or at least an hour.  “So it’s weird, right?” blurts Billy.  Ummm?  “The way Gabe reacted when I told him about Jack?”  Chelsea’s like, yeah, what a jerk, being relieved that someone survived.  Billy just knows the guy is hiding something behind his smile and handshake and SAVING HIS LIFE.  He’s hiding something BIG.  Chelsea says Billy’s right, he IS.

 

Nick runs into Sage at the hospital.  He’s glad she didn’t slug him after getting stuck working, and then having his bar cave in on her head.  Oh, hey, her apartment caught on fire, so her night would have been crappy anyway!  HAHAHA!  It’s always something, amirite?  They laugh and grin, which is how I would feel after my home or business was destroyed and people died.   Nick says he’s okay.  The big news is his dad made it!!  She’s so happy for you!  An employee got killed, but whatever.  He was part-time. 

 

Sage says Victor is…undead, I mean, unreal!  Nick says she’s no slouch herself.  They laugh and flirt and giggle and Sage’s eyes dance with adoration while they talk about how funny it was being almost crushed to death.  And Nick meant it when he said he wanted to get to know her better.  He’s not giving up, so tough luck.  “I don’t want you to give up!”  They embrace.  Adam comes around the corner and smirks.

 

Victor gets wheeled into a room…and there is Jack, of course.  They’re on billionaire’s row.  “YOU,” says Jack.  “Are you kidding me?” says Victor.

 

Phyllis comes charging in the GCAC after Kelly, because that is always the best way to get someone to leave you alone.  Phyllis is mad that Kelly pretended she didn’t hear her yelling her name from across the street!!  Lol  “I’m not gonna play your games any longer,” says Phyllis, who came a long way not to play them.  “Jack made it clear back there, you are DONE.  YOU ARE TOAST.  So do not jeopardize his recovery with this woman scorned routine!”  Kelly goes off about how even if Jack didn’t want to admit, he couldn’t get ENOUGH of HER until he threw her dress at her and told her to get out.  He only had ONE THING on his mind, quick and dirty sex.   “WE MADE LOVE!” she crows again.  Seriously, stop saying that.

Phyllis tells her to work that delusion for all it’s worth, Goldie.  “Maybe Jack pities you, or fears you, or maybe he actually got hit on the head and he believes what he’s saying.  But Jack and I MADE LOVE, and I can PROMISE YOU he wants it to happen again!” 

 

 

Phyllis says, “Let me GET THIS through your head.  You are DONE in Genoa City.  Jack Abbott and Victor Newman are behind me on this, the two toughest bastards in this town!  I suggest you slink away NOW while you still have the chance!”  Kelly glares defiantly.  Victor Newman gave her a HANDKERCHIEF!  HA!

 

The two toughest bastards in this town squabble like old ladies in their hospital room.  The nurse warns she will SEDATE THEM if they don’t calm down.  Jack says he thought Victor was under a pile of bricks!  “The rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated…AGAIN,” says Victor.  Jack thinks the only thing exaggerated is his ego.  “In this case, it’s justified.  I saved someone’s life.”  Jack moans.  Omg, how many times is he going to have to hear that?   Victor picks up the phone and asks the dial tone if he can be transferred to another room.  “I’D LIKE ANOTHER HOSPITAL!” yells Jack.

 

Abby comes in and scolds them.  Sick people are trying to REST!  “How can I rest with THAT in my room,” Jack points to Nosferatu.  Victor saved his life, remember?  “Uggghhhh,” says Jack.  Abby says they both nearly died.  NO MORE FIGHTING!  Everyone’s lost enough already!  Victor frowns.  “Did you lose someone?”   Well, not her lover, Austin, that’s for sure!

 

Chelsea and Billy gossip about Sage and Adam’s supposed marriage.  Blah blah blah.  Billy’s such a tedious jerk about the guy who saved his life, that even Chelsea can’t take it anymore.   “Connor is alive because of Gabriel, and so are you.”  Billy rolls his eyes.  “So maybe you could show a little gratitude instead of coming up with reasons to bash him.”  She stomps off.

 

Adam interrupts Sage and Nick’s hugfest.  Hey, don’t mind HIM, you guys.  Nick smugly says this is a little awkward, but he DOES know about the arrangement, right?   Adam reminds them they might want to cool it in public.  There’s a lot at stake.  Someone could lose that inheritance Nick thinks doesn’t bring happiness.  The executor’s taking a hard line.  Sage agrees, but they are celebrating because Nick’s father made it out alive.  Adam’s like…wow.  “I guess what they say about Victor Newman’s true.  The man’s immortal.”  As are you.  Nick says he’ll go check on him.  “See ya later,” gushes Sage.  “Yeah, you will,” says Nick.  I thought he was going to pee on her leg for a second. 

 

Nick joins Nikki and Victoria.  Nikki says they must be exhausted, and should go home for the rest.  Victoria lashes out.  “Don’t talk to us like we’re children you need to placate!”  “This isn’t the time,” whispers Nikki.  Well, when IS a good time, snaps Victoria.  Maybe not in a crowded hospital?  “You poured yourself a giant vodka like it was the easiest thing in the world!”  Nick says this isn’t an attack, they’re just worried.  Victoria continues attacking.  How long has this been going on?  “When you almost dropped Katie, you blamed it on the MS.  YOU WERE DRUNK, weren’t you?”

 

Paul wants Kyle to go to the hospital to get checked out and get his hair done.  Kyle’s sorry for all the drama, Summer.   He leaves.  Kevin offers to drive Kyle’s car back to town.  Paul is all about saving the taxpayers funds, so let’s do it!  Paul says they will find Austin, and walks away.  Kevin thinks they need to get away from all these nosy cops.  “Kyle gets lost in a ditch, tonight of all nights?  How does that happen?”  Mariah asks if he SAW the way Kyle was looking at Summer?  It was a little intense and creepy! 

 

Summer whines that Kyle’s one of the best guys she knows.  “Maybe he lied about going straight from the car to the ravine.  Maybe he saw what went down and was trying to protect you.  And moved the body,” says Kevin  Or maybe something worse, says Mariah meaningfully.  You guys, Kyle would never do something like that.  Kevin says she has to admit they have a complicated history.  First he was her boyfriend, then her brother, then…maybe Kyle was just trying to eliminate the competition.

 

Noah and Courtney are on their phones.  Noah tells Courtney they found his dad alive!  Great!  Courtney tells Noah they found Austin alive, but he was Kyle Abbott.  Whaaaat?  “What was HE doing up there?” frowns Noah.  “I mean, it’s the Abbott cabin, he could have gone up there, but---“  Noah breaks off.  Omgosh, he remembers something.  Fuzzy Memory Flashback!  Cool sound effect!  He peeks out the window of the front door and sees a lone figure at the end of walk, just standing there all in black, staring at the cabin.  That…was actually kinda creepy. 

 

“Do you think Kyle could have been the person watching us that night?  Is that something he would do?”  Noah doesn’t really think so…he’s not a fan of the guy, but he wasn’t doped up like the rest of them.  There’s no way he just broke in there and killed Austin without anyone remembering anything about it.  Maybe he’s the one that moved the body, suggests Courtney.  “If he did, he did it for Summer’s sake.”  Meaning he thought Summer was responsible, she says.  Maybe he saw something the rest of them don’t remember.

 

Summer whines that AUStin was supposed to be in that ravine, AUStin is supposed to be safe!  Kevin’s like you do remember he didn’t have a pulse, right?  Are YOU a doctor, Kevin??  NO, we didn’t think so.  Well, Kevin still thinks it’s okay to assume that Austin…isn’t coming back.  “But Kyle DID, on one of the worst nights ever!” says Mariah.   Summer doesn’t CARE blah blah.  She just wants her husband back!  Those are some pretty sharp stilettos to be wearing in icy conditions, Summer.  Kevin spots part of a towel sticking out of Kyle’s trunk!  OH, NO, NOT A TOWEL!!  Kevin says it’s begging them to open up Kyle’s trunk!

 

Nick and Victoria are good cop/bad cop with Nikki, until she breaks down and admits everything.  She broke down and thought she really deserved some relief, and she was both ashamed and defiant.  Nick blames Dad and all the stuff he pulled.  Victoria’s not having any of that.  “DAD will ALWAYS be DAD,” who worships me, so that’s no excuse.  It can’t be this way anymore, she yells at Nikki.  Nikki weeps and says she did this to herself…and she did it to them.  She breaks down sobbing about how sorry she is, and Nick holds her.  Vicky can’t even.  She only forgives parents who blow sunshine up her ass all day long.

 

Abby says Jack and Victor are both insanely lucky, so just be grateful for being alive.  Jack can be grateful and still want SOLITUDE in his room!  “Jack, you’re an embarrassment,” scolds Victor.  Abby tells them to stop being idiots and just suck it up for one night.  Ignore each other.  She loves you both.  Bye.
Jack moaaans and groaaans trying to get to his call button, so Victor sighs and walks over to give it to him.  “Could you just pour me a glass of water?” asks Jack.  Victor snorts.  “Are you kidding me?  I saved your life, now I’m your waiter?”  Jack frowns and presses his call button about 50 times. 

 

Commercial:  Us Weekly says the new Odd Couple is crowd-pleasing and hilarious.  THIS THURSDAY! ON CBS!

 

Adam tells Sage he can’t believe dear old Dad survived.  Sage says it’s okay to admit he’s relieved.    “I AM relieved.  But only because if he died now, it would be too soon.  There’s no fun in that for me,” he says with a catty smile.  Nick is the Good Son, so they’ll let him worry about Dad.  “But I LOVE that he used his sense of relief as an excuse to drape himself all over you.”  Oh, geez, Sage says, he starting to sound a little jelly.  Ha.  He already told you Nick will never cut loose from Sharon, but if she doesn’t want to listen that’s up to her.  “Because you’re so concerned about me,” she snarks, “because you care so deeply,” she mocks, walking off.  Adam’s jaw twitches.  He can never quite get under her skin like he wants to.

 

A long suffering nurse or aide comes in to give the whiny billionaire some water, who at least says thank you.   “You’re WELCOME,” says Victor.  HE WASN’T TALKING TO YOU.  “You’d still be whining if I hadn’t helped you,” says Victor.  “How ‘bout I thank you with a bedpan to the head?”  Victor laughs heartily.  He’s having a ball.

 

Phyllis walks in and sees them both.  She laughs.  “OH EM GEE.  This is fabulous!  You know, they’re doing a remake of The Odd Couple.”  And this whole episode was an extravagant promo for it.  THURSDAY!  ON CBS!  Not that I didn’t laugh a few times.  Victor says it’s a temporary situation!   Phyllis says as long as they’re alive, and lucid, that’s all she needs.   “Need for what?” asks Jack.  “To take on Kelly!” she announces.  Ugh, Jack’s not down with that.  Phyllis starts explaining to Victor how Kelly claimed Jack gave her the big one back at the club…UH, Jack thinks that’s TMI.  “Stay away from her.  She can be volatile,” he warns.  “See, he’s protecting Kelly again, “says Victor.  Not anymore.  He read her the riot act before Victor showed up.  “So what’s your plan?” asks Victor.  Jack grimaces.  He doesn’t want Victor meddling in his “affairs.”  Ha.

 

Kelly trembles, and knocks back some wine at the club.  Flashback to Jack throwing her on the table for the down and dirty.  “It h-h-happened,” she says, shaking.  “IT DID!”

 

Nikki cries that she couldn’t tell anybody.  Well, now they know, and she has to get help.  Etc.

 

Abby walks through the waiting room and notices KYLE!  What is he DOING here?!  Wow, does he have the 80’s movie, preppy bad boy thing going on.  “Well, I came to see YOU,” he smirky grins.  “I came to crash your killer party.”  Ha, I see what you did there.

 

Summer fails to see the significance of a towel.  “AUSTIN?!” she yells at the wildnerness.  “Seriously?” snarks Mariah.   Noah arrives.  They argue about opening the trunk, until Mariah does the honors.  She opens it up and they all stare inside.  Luckily, the sheep doesn’t scream.

[peacheslatour]

High-larious re-cap peach!  Just what I needed today, I admit to shedding a few tears over Leonard Nimoy and this cheered me right up.

[movinon]

 

Nikki weeps and says she did this to herself…and she did it to them.  She breaks down sobbing about how sorry she is, and Nick holds her.  Vicky can’t even.  She only forgives parents who blow sunshine up her ass all day long.

You are so right about Victoria.  Great re-cap, peach, and I wish you had one for today.  We couldn't see Y&R in the DFW area because it SNOWED, and we had to have round the clock coverage of the cars running into the ditch or whatever. They will show it at 2:12 am and I can't tape it because that's not what it says on the schedule.  Lots & lots of coffee tonight.........or lots & lots of screwdrivers.....

Edited February 28, 2015 by movinon

[Foghorn Leghorn]

 

Abby walks through the waiting room and notices KYLE!  What is he DOING here?!  Wow, does he have the 80’s movie, preppy bad boy thing going on.

 

Kyle looked like Julia Robert's rich boyfriend in Mystic Pizza!!

[MollyB]

 

Mariah’s like, oh, what’s he saying?  “HELP, mostly.  That’s how they found him.”  Lol

And he really did say that!  My stars and fishes, the writer's have a sense of humor?! Did one of them work on Airplane!?  Great recap, Peach, and loved the meme.  As much as I want Christine to be Drinki's target, Smelly runs a very close second.  Maybe she could hit both of them?

[peach]

Abbott Family Photo.  Billy, Kyle, and Abby

[photo fox]

Wed, Feb 25    WE MADE LOVE!!!

I'm sitting in a quiet room full of people, and this made me guffaw. Bad peach! lol

Your utter disdain for Billy Abbott is giving me life right now. When Billy Miller played him, he was still a giant fuckup, and smarmy as hell, but he had a certain charm that made me understand why people in GC (especially women) liked him. But now he's a fuckup AND a giant douche. He just has no spark at all. He's just a whiny windbag. He's such an insufferable jerk that ChelseaCon is too good for him. How is that even possible? And how are we supposed to believe that JH's Adam would ever be threatened by him in a love triangle or any other shape? NAH.

[crosby777]

 

I was so hoping Adam was going to leave him to die in that fire, and 1/4 of the problems with the show would be solved

I was hoping for that too. I cannot stand this Billy.. he is so horrible.. BJ has got to go..

 

I can believe that this guy is the son of bad boy Original Recipe JackAbbott.  I love his cocksuredness.

I can too.. I love the new Kyle already. And  I am ok with him being younger.. we need a younger set on this show besides Summer and Fen.

[Petunia13]

You're killing me

[peach]

Thurs, Feb 26   Paper Beats Poker

 

Jack is asleep in his hospital bed and awakens to Victor standing over him with a pillow, like he’s going to smother him.  “What the—“  Victor says he seemed so uncomfortable he thought he’d put him out of his misery.

 

Our new, young Kyle is full of entertaining attitude.  Abby is skittish and uncomfortable.  She says if he was coming all the way from New York, he should have called her.  “What, I get no sympathy for being in the hospital, in a wheelchair?”  He explains he got stuck in the snow and tried to walk to the cabin, then slipped on some ice and fell into a ravine.  Paul sent him to the hospital to get checked out.  “Chief of Police Paul?”  Yep, he was there with Summer when they pulled him out.  And what did Summer tell him?  “That her husband went missing from the party!  How does that even happen?”  Abby says they all get messed up on punch.  He wants to know what’s got her so worried.  She stammers a bit, but a nurse shows up to take him somewhere.  “Gotta run, Abbs, but don’t go anywhere.  We’ve got a LOT to talk about.”  That’s what Abby’s afraid of.

 

Summer and Co. stare in Kyle’s trunk.  PSYCH!  There’s nothing in there but the usual trunk stuff.  “Anyone else think we were gonna find Austin’s body in there?” asks Mariah.  “Kyle would NEVER hurt Austin,” whines Summer.  She contorts her face extra to rant on about how “KYLE IS A GOOD GUY.  HE KNEW HOW MUCH I LOVED AUSTIN.  HE NEVER EVEN MET AUSTIN BEFORE!”  “Can you manage to remember that we are on the SAME side!” says Mariah.  Kevin says there’s nothing weird in the trunk…except THIS.  He holds up the towel, and it’s got a huge bloodstain on it!  Although it’s not that much, really. 

 

Jill, Colin, Cane, and Lily get back to Lily’s house, where Esther’s been babysitting.  She’s overwhelmed with relief to see them.  Jill’s like, OMG, GET OFF ME.  They’re all in a lovely mood.  Esther was so worried.  SHE feels so bad about that poor pilot dying, but Jill doesn’t want to talk about that.  She asks about Devon and Neil and Hilary.  Everyone frowns further.  Lily walks off to check on the kids.

 

Hilary’s asleep in a hospital bed with Devon at her side.  Neil comes to the door, sporting glasses.  Devon tells him she’s resting well in post-op recovery.  He’s glad Neil’s there.  “I don’t want to get into this,” says Neil. Devon doesn’t want to either, but he’s thankful for what Neil did.  He saved their lives when he got lost and laid on a rock.  “Don’t thank me.  Thank Lily.  As I was trudging through the snow, I thought of LILY, not you.  If she weren’t there, I would have let you, and everybody, freeze to death.”  Hilary opens her eyes.

 

ANOTHER PSYCH!  Victor’s just offering Jack an extra pillow.  Jack says there must be something in it for HIM.  There is, the doctors won’t let him leave until he gets more rest, and he can’t do that with Jack babbling all night.  It’s no cake walk for Jack either!  He’s gotta get back to Phyllis who now has the sense not to stay with VICTOR anymore.  “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather get back to Kelly?  It’s her name you keep babbling in your dreams.”  Oh, NICE TRY, says Jack.  Really?  Well, next time Victor will record it, and play his sweet dreams back to Phyllis.  “OR, you could check yourself OUT of here.”  Victor says it’s against doctor’s orders.  “You’re The Great and Powerful Victor Newman.  You don’t take orders from anyone.”  Victor admits he passed out at home.  “What, you fainted?!”  “I don’t FAINT.  I staggered.  It worried my family, K?”  He ran out of energy because he saved Jack’s sorry ass.  “Arrghhh,” says Jack.

 

If Jack DID mention Kelly’s name, it was out of FRUSTRATION for the way she manipulated Phyllis!  Ohhh, really?  Look, they’re alone in there, so just tell Victor the truth about Kelly.  He just told Phyllis what she wanted to hear, didn’t he?  “I told her THE TRUTH,” insists Jack.  “But you left out just a little bit of information.  You HAD SEX with Kelly, right before The Underground collapsed!”  Excuse me, but they MADE LOVE!!  Jack snarls that his private life is NONE OF HIS DAMN BUSINESS.  “Ooo, that doesn’t sound like a denial,” goads Victor.  Jack is livid.

 

Devon says Neil doesn’t mean what he said.  Um, wrong.  Hilary weakly calls for Devon.  He races back over to her like Neil doesn’t exist.  He’ll get a doctor!!  Right, the doctor will show up on rounds 23.5 hours from now.  Hilary tells Neil she hears he’s responsible for saving them.  The last thing she heard was that he’d gone out into the snow.  She was so worried. “Thank you for helping us, even though you must hate me.”  Neil doesn’t say anything, so Devon pushes his luck, as usual, and says Neil must care on some level since he came to see how she’s doing. 

 

Neil takes off his glasses.  “I am here…because admissions needed her insurance information.  We have a JOINT policy, because of course, Devon, we are husband and wife.”  Devon grimaces, like, why does Neil always have to make everything so uncomfortable?  Oh, and the nurse also gave him THESE.  He holds up her wedding ring set in a plastic baggie.  Two circles representing eternal love.  “Shall I put them on your finger?” he asks sarcastically.  “Neil, we don’t need to do this right now, man.”  STFU, Devon. 

 

Neil flings the bag at him.  Then he pulls out Devon’s consequences ring.   “Maybe…you’d like to wear THIS one.”  Hilary drops her gaze.  “Yeah, that’s right. I found this one.  It was a gift from my dishonorable son to my lovestruck wife.”  Hilary looks like she’s going to cry from embarrassment.  Neil’s guess is they didn’t think he’d see it, or anything ever again.  The funny thing is, he did sort of see it on New Year’s Day, a bright, glittering light in her hand.  It was the first thing he had seen in MONTHS.  It gave him hope.  Dramatic irony!  He tosses it at Devon.  “May this be as meaningful to Hilary as her wedding ring was.”  Burn.

 

Meanwhile, back at the Ashby pad, maternal expert Jill bitches at Esther for letting the kids watch DVD’s while their parents were missing.  Esther insists they did art projects, too!  They made lovely, awkward Valentines featuring Neil and Hilary, and Cane and Lily.  Cane says they really captured how he feels about their mom.  Esther fusses over Jill.  “If you want to help me, get me a DRINK!”  Bring the whole bottle, says Colin.  She rushes off to the kitchen. 

 

Lily says Cane handled the twins really well and made it sound like they were off having fun.  They never did get scared.  Sounds like a keeper.  “Sometimes you have to soft pedal the truth for the greater good,” Cane says pointedly.  “Yeah, but you also shouldn’t lie to the people you love the most,” says Lily.  “So, now, we gotta figure out a way to tell Mattie and Charlie why Daddy won’t be living here anymore.”  How about because their mother is a stage 5 overreactor.  Colin and Jill look thrilled to be part of this conversation.

 

Cane knows she’s still upset. YES.  She just found out he’s been lying to her for months!  Then let’s work this out together.  Like how he handled Devon and Hilary’s affair?  BY HIMSELF? Together never even entered his mind.  Colin and Jill say Cane was in a very difficult situation.  He had no choice!  “There is ALWAYS a choice!  His first thought and loyalty should have been to his wife!”  It was!  Look, Cane is SORRY he kept the secret, but he is not the one who cheated on his spouse!  Well, it sure feels like it to Lily, because she’s irrational.  Give her a Snickers or something.  Jill says it’s been a very long day, so she’s going home and they can all talk about it when clearer heads prevail.  Or never.  BTW, Jill looks pretty fantastic.  I guess she went to the ER/salon/boutique as well. 

 

Actually, Lily doesn’t think Cane should be there.  She wants him to leave.  Cane is stunned.  “You broke up this family when you broke our trust!” says Lily.  Fine, she wants him to go, he’ll go.  He slams the door on his way out.  I guess it’s not that big a deal if you own a hotel.  “Did you learn nothing at all last night?” asks Jill.  Esther brings drinks.

 

Jack snarls that he sees no reason to discuss his life with Victor!  Not Phyllis, not Kelly, not business, not ANYTHING!  It makes him face his own hypocrisy, says Victor.  Hey, he’s already insinuated himself into his life with Phyllis one too many times, and is trying to get between them AGAIN!  Victor says he’s doing a helluva job in that department himself!   “You were trying to be a White Knight for a while there, and that didn’t work out.  Now you’re using this whole Kelly thing!”  “Phyllis just told us she’s going to go full force in her legal defense against Kelly!” says Victor.  “THAT IS NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!” shouts Jack.  She NEEDS Victor, whether Jack likes it or not!  “You and I are going to be united, for a very short while, in common cause,” says Victor.  Jack rolls his eyes and sinks back on his pillow. 

 

Kyle’s back.  He tells Abbs he’s got a clean bill of health. Yeah, the doctor already told her.  “Don’t they have some kind of oath preventing that kind of spillage?” he asks.  Abby says she’s his emergency contact. “Note to self, change that,” he snarks.  But they’re cousins, she says.  “No offense, Abby, but you have a big mouth.  And I think we’ve both grown past having access to each other’s personal medical information, don’t you think?”  Translation:  I have herpes.  Abby just wanted to make sure he was okay…”Wait…how did you do it?” she frowns.  “Do what?  Become phenomenally successful at such a young age?  Manage to be charming, handsome, brilliant?”  Um, no, how did you fall into a ravine and not have a scratch on you?  He shrugs.  “Luck of the Abbotts, I guess.” 

 

Summer says they should just drive the car back like they were going to.  Noah thinks maybe they should call Courtney. “Like hell!” says Mariah.  She’s part of this, says Noah.  Kevin agrees she did go along with moving the body.  “AND she’s my girlfriend.  You really think she’d sell us out?” snaps Noah.  YES.  “You think she’s all in just because she took a few steps toward the dark side??  She’s STILL a COP.  And if we keep THROWING evidence at her—“  Summer whines that it’s not EVIDENCE, it’s just a blood soaked towel!  Blah blah, everyone says Kyle would do ANYTHING for Summer.  “If he did move the body, where is it?” asks Kevin.  “And if he didn’t?” says Noah.  Hmmm.  Summer has her thinking face on.  They all look around into the dark night.

 

The Odd Couple fight over what to watch on TV.  Abby’s brought something to help speed up Jack’s recovery.  KYLE!  He thanks Victor for saving his dad.  Jack wants to hear everything Kyle, which is enough to get Victor out of there.  He’s going to find the damndoctor to sign him out of there.  “Oh, and Kyle, I wanted to tell you I’m sorry about what happened when you worked at Newman, K?”  So is Kyle.  “Hopefully, I’ve matured a lot since then.”  Well, Victor can’t fault him for supporting his family’s business.  He leaves.  “Did he just cut me a break for having spied on Newman??”  Jack’s like, who knows, maybe his injuries affected his personality.  So, Kyle wanted to surprise everyone and go to Abby’s party and finally meet Austin.  Guess he won’t get that chance now.  Why, asks Jack.  Kyle’s eyes widen.  Not because we killed him, that’s for sure!

 

Abby finds the rest of the gang out in the waiting room.  Summer huddles on the couch all weepy baby like.  Abby’s like, what’s wrong, did something ELSE horrible happen?  Oh, they looked in Kyle’s trunk and found THIS!  Kevin is actually carrying around the bloody towel in a plastic grocery bag for show and tell.  Remind me never to commit a crime with him.  Anyway, GASP!  A BLOODY TOWEL!

 

Colin follows Cane to the club so they can discuss his anger at everyone including himself.  But if Lily means it that their marriage is over, then most of all, he is angry with HER.

 

Lily’s turned to alcohol, and Jill sends bumbling Esther home.  She tells Lily to stop pacing and talk to her.  “There is NOTHING you can say that will change what Cane did.”  Then maybe she can change her attitude, for God’s sake, they were just in PLANE CRASH.  Yeah, Lily knows it was a miracle they survived, yada yada, she doesn’t need reminding.  “Well, I think you DO!” says Jill.  Surviving plane crashes has nothing to do with lying husbands, Jill.  “He betrayed your trust, and he hurt your feelings.  Yes, it’s disturbing,” concedes Jill, but get over it.  How can Lily ever trust him again?!  By remembering how much he loves her!  Jill watched him search for all over the plane crash site, IN ANGUISH.  Sure, well, Lily would have done the same thing, that doesn’t negate him lying to her!  Jill thinks they all survived the crash because love.  Love overcomes ANY adversity, including, like, physics.  “Try telling that to my father.”

 

So, Hilary, Neil’s gonna pack up all your stuff and send it to the GCAC.  Should he address it to the suite where he discovered you banging Devon?  “Dad, Hilary almost died,” whines Devon.  “Do you really think you need to make her feel worse right now?”  Omg, Devon, what was Neil thinking, making Hilary feel bad about anything.  He leaves to do paperwork so he doesn’t puke all over them.  Devon moons over Hilary, and it’s gross.  After everything THEY have been through, he thought he almost lost her.  And now that the truth is out, they can be together.  “And Neil hates us,” says Hilary.  Meh, it was inevitable, says Devon, who pretended like it wasn’t for quite a long time.  “It was one thing to imagine it,” says Hilary, “but to see the way he looks at us…especially you, Devon.  His son.”  Yeah, yeah, but being together is all that matters.  “Is it really?”

 

Hilary’s all broken up about Devon losing Neil’s respect and love.  It must be like a knife through his heart.  Who, Devon?  He’s just sorry Neil got hurt.  But he does think they should leave town and not flaunt their relationship in front of the family.  Probably because he doesn’t want to get hit by projectiles or actually face anything he’s done.  Hilary could easily pull up stakes, but Neil isn’t the only thing Devon would be leaving behind.  There’s the whole family and the twins.  It just now occurs to Devon that Lily might never let him see the twins again, or if Neil will let him see Moses.  What?  I’m sure you can all go to a Cubs game together, it’ll be AWESOME.  He doesn’t want to talk about it anymore.  But they need to go, because no one’s going to forgive him anytime soon. 

 

Colin reminds Cane that Lily was just an innocent bystander in this mess.  But all she sees is that he didn’t consider her feelings, when that’s all he DID was consider them.  “She would have done the same thing if she was in my position, and in fact, she DID, when that Tyler thing began.  And when she finally came clean, she said, ‘Cane, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to upset you.’”  SO THERE.  Cane is super pissed that Lily’s being so unreasonable.  Maybe she’s not ready to see it yet, says Colin.  “Or MAYBE it’s because the person I’m married to does not know me the way I thought she did!”

 

Lily says Neil’s drinking again.  This could kill him.  Jill says Katherine fell off the wagon a few times and always got right back on.   Blah bitch moan blah.  “So, what, you’re going to hand Hilary ANOTHER casualty of your family!”  Don’t let the terrorists win, Lily!  Jill knows what it’s like to have to get past lies, have you MET her husband?  No offense, Jill, but that’s what you signed up for.  Cane and Lily are way better than you and your shady husband.  According to what rule book, laughs Jill.  “Cane is HUMAN.  He made a MISTAKE.  Are you afraid to admit maybe you’ve made one?”  Forgive Cane, Lily.  Shady or not, Jill’s life is better with Colin in it.  She defies Lily to say hers isn’t better with Cane.

 

Speaking of shady, Victor’s on the phone in the hallway.  He needs to see someone right away.

 

Kyle just meant he might not meet Austin this time around…life.  Jack tries to convince him to stay longer.  He’s even got a new cousin.  He’ll stick around until Jack’s up and around.  Victor returns, so Kyle leaves.  Victor say Jack should be proud of his boy.  He hears he’s doing well in New York.  Must have learned a lot working for Victor.  “You’ve been checking up on him in New York?!  I told you, stay the hell out of my personal life!”  Victor says that’s not possible, Jack.  He’s obsessed with you.  “So…I have a proposition.”
Victor feels their perpetual rivalry makes them forget that this town is really big enough for both of them.  What exactly is he suggesting?  Just that they let each other be.  “This from a man who would rather see me dead,” says Jack.  Wait a minute, he didn’t let you croak in the rubble back there, and how would JACK have felt if VICTOR had met his Maker back there?  Okay, keep talking, says Jack.  He knows his life is meaningless without Victor.  “I think we both need to stick around for each other.  What fun would it be to defeat a rival who is not a worthy adversary,” reasons Victor.  So he’s suggesting they actually get along and treat each other with respect?  Victor says they’ve tried everything else.

 

FUN FLASHBACK TIME!  We go in the Wayback Machine, to see super young Jack advancing on Victor with a fire poker!  Victor throws a pile of papers at Jack, in slow motion, then punches him!  Paper beats Poker!  Omg, that was just like The Matrix.  FLASHBACK TWO:  We advance a decade, or two, and Jack says, “You want this chair?” and hurls it through the high rise plate glass window!  “Have a seat.  On me!”  snaps Jack.  Chair beats Window!  The wind ruffles Victor’s hair.  That one was more like Die Hard.

 

“A world where Victor Newman and Jack Abbott actually get along.  I’m not sure what that looks like,” says Jack.  Will they go camping, fishing, or just play cards?  “Whoa, I wouldn’t go that far, K?” says Victor.  “We’ll remain enemies, that’s for sure.”  But friendly enemies, says Jack.  Yeah, there’s a whole word for that.  In Jack’s case, though, that word is G-U-L-L-I-B-L-E.

 

Kyle comes along and says it’s great the gang brought his car back.  “Why are you so worried about your car?” challenges Mariah.  “Because it’s a car that I rented, and generally, they like you to give those back, so thanks for your help,” he rich boy snipes.  Heeeey, Noah, Kyle hopes you guys are still cool after what went down at Newman.  That’s water under the bridge, man.  He’s more interested in why Kyle lied about being at the cabin.  “I didn’t lie.  I never made it.”  That’s funny, because Noah saw you standing outside through the window.  Wasn’t him.  Kevin wants to cut to the chase and dramatically wave murder evidence around in public.  “Why did you have this bloody towel in the trunk of your car?”  Kyle looks like it’s going to be a real pain in the ass to have to kill Kevin, too.

 

Neil says the paperwork is finished, so their business has concluded.  Devon must have left to get some Twinkies or something.  “That means that we are done.”  He starts to walk out.  Hilary says there’s something he needs to know.  He doesn’t need to hear anymore explanations or excuses.  But he hasn’t heard the truth!  Right, he SAW the truth with his own eyes.  Hilary suddenly gets smirky, which is a welcome relief from always looking like she’s going to heave.  “That woman who came to town, bent on revenge?  The one who did such DESPICABLE things to you and your entire family?  THAT’S who I am, Neil.  That’s who I’ve ALWAYS been.” 

 

Neil laughs.  “Really?  You’re going to play THAT card now?  As if it would make me HAPPY that you haven’t changed?”  No, he says, the woman she was then, and the woman who cheated on her husband are two totally different things.  “Not when the goal’s the same.  I came to town to take down the man who DESTROYED my family.  That was my sole purpose, and I NEVER lost sight of that!” she says triumphantly.  Neil frowns.  That’s not possible.  “Anything is possible,” she says slyly.  “See, I MADE this happen.  And I finally got what I wanted, to take down you and yours.” She chuckles evilly.  “Mission Accomplished.”  Neil stares.

 

“So, WHY did you guys go through my rental car?” asks Kyle.  Abby just wants him to explain the bloody towel.  Sure, he had a boxing lesson right before he left, and got a bloody nose.  That’s actually a bloody nose amount of blood, IMO.  Why does he get the feeling the gang is accusing him of something??  “We, uh, can’t find Austin,” says Mariah.  “Guys, what’s going on?  What really happened to Austin?”  Twilight staring.

 

Okay, Lily’s over it.  She’ll go tell the children that Cane will be home to tuck them in.  We’ll see about that.  Jill calls Colin.  She wants him to tell Cane to get home right away.  “I think it might be best if my son had time to cool off a bit.”  But Lily is on the verge of forgiving him!  Colin watches Cane down a drink.  Lily ain’t the problem here.

 

“What are you saying?” whispers Neil.  “THANK YOU for helping me pull this off!” crows Hilary.  She starts mocking him.  “Oh, Jack, can you give this lost, lonely soul a second chance?  Hilary…I think I’m falling in love with you..”  She actually cackles.  All she had to do was make him think she was falling in love with him.  “And you ate it up.  Like a fat kid in a candy store,” she says with glee.  Wow.  “Our life was a scam?” asks Neil.  She wouldn’t call it that.  It was just plain old revenge.  “You hurt me, and I figured out the BEST way to hurt you was to seduce your son into my bed.”  Devon has been listening at the door!  This does not compute!  “I just can’t get over how EASY it was.  Don’t look so surprised.  After what you did to my mother?  I could never LOVE you, Neil.  And I certainly could never love DEVON.” 

 

Jack moans and groans in bed.  He looks at Kelly’s number on his phone.  DELETE.

 

Victor skulks around in the hospital chapel, and slips into the confessional booth.  The panel slides open.  “Thank you for coming,” he says to someone unseen.  “Our plan is working like a charm.  Jack suspects nothing.”

Edited March 1, 2015 by peach

[movinon]

 

“I didn’t lie.  I never made it.”  That’s funny, because Noah saw you standing outside through the window.  Wasn’t him.  Kevin wants to cut to the chase and dramatically wave murder evidence around in public.  “Why did you have this bloody towel in the trunk of your car?”  Kyle looks like it’s going to be a real pain in the ass to have to kill Kevin, too.

This is pretty funny, but I don't want to believe that this adorable little puppy could kill anyone.  I know it looks bad, but Summer remembers hitting Austin with the bookend or whatever, Courtney said he had no pulse, so how can he be killed twice?  Noah didn't mention seeing Kyle earlier when they were planning their story, so I am really confused.  This is probably good because I haven't been this interested in anything on the show in a very long time.  I know it's kid stuff, but the Victor/Jack crap is so "Same song - 75th verse," that it's hard to care.  Thanks for the re-caps, peach.  They help me keep my head on straight, most of the time.

[peacheslatour]

Fantastic job peach!  Just chock full of gems, I'm still chuckling even after reading it twice. *chortle*

[peach]

This is pretty funny, but I don't want to believe that this adorable little puppy could kill anyone.  I know it looks bad, but Summer remembers hitting Austin with the bookend or whatever, Courtney said he had no pulse, so how can he be killed twice?  Noah didn't mention seeing Kyle earlier when they were planning their story, so I am really confused.  This is probably good because I haven't been this interested in anything on the show in a very long time.  I know it's kid stuff, but the Victor/Jack crap is so "Same song - 75th verse," that it's hard to care.  Thanks for the re-caps, peach.  They help me keep my head on straight, most of the time.

Oh, I have no idea who did it.  I won't even venture an opinion because they're purposely trying to give hints in all directions.  But Summer doesn't actually remember HITTING Austin with the bookend, she just remembers hiding it.  If I HAD to guess, I'd put my money on Fen or Abby.  And Kyle just moved the body.  But it will probably be something illogical. 

[movinon]

You're right, peach - she did just remember hiding it and assumed that she did it.  I hope it isn't Fen, since Michael has enough to deal with right now.  I don't hate any of these people, except Summer, so would prefer it to be a stranger, but it makes no sense.   Abby is irritating, but not another one, please - Tucker was enough.  Like you said, it will be illogical - we need Mr. Spock.  Did they all drink the punch?  Fen would have been the only one to know better than to drink it, if he wanted to kill Austin.  

[peach]

Fri, Feb 27    Buzz Saws

 

Chelsea chats with Billy at Abbott manse, and she’s shocked to find out he’s been spending his evening researching Gabriel Bingham online.  He found something really interesting.  The Juliet Incident, or something worse?

 

Adam is complaining to Sage at the club that there’s not one decent room left in GC with all the bad weather and disasters going on.  The castle’s being renovated for sale so they can’t go there.  Well, that sucks.  She suggests going to Chicago.  CHICAGO?!  Sounds good to me, but Adam is pissy that she expects him to drive all night after his apartment nearly burned to the ground.  It could be days before they can get back in their place, and he can’t be gone that long!  He has a job!  HA, he didn’t say that.  He just can’t be gone from Chelsea for five minutes because of all that headway he’s making saving babies and such.  Sage is really sick of Adam’s shit.

 

Kyle wants an answer from the gang.  “WHAT happened to Austin?  He didn’t just wander off into the woods, did he?”  They all stare in incredibly guilty fashion.  Then at least tell him why they’re so interested in his car and bloody towel?  They gape.  “Guys, I think we should tell him,” says Abby quietly.  “Too many people know already!” says Mariah.  Well, that sounds totally innocent.  You pretty much HAVE to tell him now.  A cop walks in looking for Summer Newman Travers.  “What’s this about?” Noah tries to say all Newman authoritative like, but the cop will talk to Summer ALONE.  He escorts her off to the side.  “Are you still gonna tell me you’re not covering something up?” asks Kyle.  My kid walked by and said, “Is that one of the Hardy Boys?”

 

Cane makes sure they get the buffet set at the club because so many people lost their homes to the fire and need something to eat.  I’m pretty sure they still have to pay for it.  Lily calls.  She thought he’d be home by now!  Um, she threw him out, remember?  Is she still angry?  Ummm…  Yeah, that’s what he thought.

 

Hilary could never LOVE you, Neil, she declares again from her hospital bed.  And she certainly never loved Devon.  “You certainly gave a good imitation of it,” he says.  And that’s all it was, an imitation.  A way to pay Neil back after what he did to her mother.  Devon was just collateral damage, she says, waving her hand dismissively.  Devon bursts in.  “Okay, I can’t let this go on.  YOU’RE LYING,” he accuses Hilary.

 

Hilary says for the first time in a LONG time, she’s actually telling the truth.  Devon’s not going to let her play this game.  “That makes it sound like something fun!” she snaps.  “There was nothing fun about it!”  It was about losing the most important relationship in her life because of NEIL.  Because he was too damn drunk and self-absorbed to give her mother a second thought, she spits.  Neil’s like, what was all the talk and tears about forgiveness?  She realized her silly little posts on GC Buzz weren’t enough to drive him back to the bottle or alienate his family.  So, she changed it up.  She decided to ingratiate herself into the family.  Make him care about her…love her, even.

 

“NO, NO, NO!” says Neil.  He looked in her eyes. He saw SINCERITY.  Hilary bursts out laughing.  “YOU saw what you WANTED to see.  You just GAVE me the power to DESTROY YOU!”  She laughs about how stupid it was to believe she did a complete 180.  Does she have to remind them when she drugged Cane and took photos in his bed.  “You know, from there, it was only a hop, skip, and a jump into Devon’s bed.”  “My God, you can’t be this crazy,” says Neil.  “She’s not!” cries Devon.  “She doesn’t mean anything she’s saying right now!”   They have NO IDEA how long she’s WAITED For this moment!  “And that LOOK on your face, it made every nauseating minute with you two worth it.”  Neil slowly backs away from the she-devil, and then rushes out the door. 

 

Devon sits down and says he’s not going to let her do this!  He speed talks about how he gets it, she’s trying to salvage his relationship with Neil, but he’s not going to let her do it.  He loves her too damn much, and he KNOWS she loves him, too.  Hilary rolls her eyes.

 

Lily wants Cane to come home so they can talk.  Adam walks up and yells at him.  “So help me, if you are taking a new reservation on your cell phone while I’m still waiting for a room, I’m going to explode!”  Adam goes on a tirade about how there supposedly isn’t ONE room available.  “What happens if Victor Newman walks through the door, would you have anything for HIM?”  They’d make him share with Jack.  Cane says he’d be outta luck, too.  Adam says, “Name your price, you know I can afford it!”  What, Cane doesn’t even know who you are.    “Well…you should.   I’ve stayed here before.” 

 

Cane walks off, and Sage scolds Adam for saying that!  Cane won’t forget it.  Sage, I realize you’ve lived a sheltered existence, but that’s exactly what dealing with the public is like on a regular basis.  People say shit like that ALL the time.  Still, she thinks Adam needs to settle down and formulate a plan.  FINE, he’ll go to Chicago with her.  But he has to drop a flash drive off at Jack’s first.  Oh, that wouldn’t have anything to do with Chelsea being there, would it?  That’s the only reason Adam does ANYTHING nowadays.  Sage thinks he’s being stupid.  He can’t afford to make mistakes.

 

Billy acts like a jealous facebook stalker, and analyzes all kinds of photos of Gabe being a playboy and having fun, and SMILING.  GASP!  Gabe never SMILES like that!  He just doesn’t like you, Billy.  Can’t imagine why.  This stupid conversation goes on forever.  Billy’s still offended that Gabe saved his life.  So am I.

 

So let Kyle get this straight.  They thought Summer killed Austin, so they moved the body outside the cabin?  “To make it look like he fell,” says Mariah.    Wow.  “Like this is really all news to you,” sneers Noah.  Hey, he was not watching them through the window.  “Right, because you fell down the ravine and didn’t get a scratch,” says Noah.  Kyle thinks they should be worrying about what’s going on over there with Summer and the police.  “Do you think he’s arresting her?” asks Mariah.  Nope, the cop walks away, and Summer slowly walks back to the gang in a daze.  They found Austin for realz, you guys.  “And?” asks Abby.  Summer shakes her head, and falls in Noah’s arms, weeping.

 

They’re all super sorry, Summer.  She knew it was coming, but to hear the officer say those words…  Mariah notices Abby wiping tears from her eyes.  Abby feels really bad for…Summer.  Mariah says please tell her the cops are buying why Austin was out in the snow.  “They didn’t find Austin in the snow.  His body was behind the wheel of a red car about a mile or so from the cabin.  There was an accident.”  They all freak out.  “That is NOT possible,” says Kevin.  Abby looks extra alarmed.  This is turning into Weekend At Bernie’s.

 

Billy complains like a dog with a bone.  And there are times that Gabe feels SO FAMILIAR to him.  Blah blah.  He rehashes Gabe saying now they were even, when he rescued him.  Speak of the devil, and Adam rings the bell.  He comes in, and Billy says they were JUST talking about him like total weirdos.  “Nothing too damning, I hope,” says Adam.  No, they were just wondering about his TRUE identity.  “I mean, admit it, you’re Johnny Storm, the Human Torch.  How else could you have pulled me out of that fire, right?” Billy says, smiling coldly.  Adam’s like, wow, you’re fucking annoying.  “No, that’s not me, but you go down that list of superheroes, eventually you’ll get to me,” he jokes.  HE’S AQUAMAN.  Get it? 

 

Anyway, Adam’s dropping off a flash drive for Jack before he goes to Chicago with Sage.  No rooms at the inn.  Billy seems to think that’s bullshit, too.  Adam will have to figure out how to work from there.  “Don’t be ridiculous,” says Billy.  “You and Sage can stay with us.”  Adam can’t believe his luck.  Billy’s obsession is very convenient for Adam’s obsession.

 

Sage is stunned to find out you need reservations six months in advance for that one hotel they have in Chicago.  Cane overhears.  Yeah, it turns out the Trekkies have overrun the hotels this weekend.  She’ll have to check the suburbs.  Cane apologizes for being rude earlier.  “YOU were not rude, my HUSBAND was rude.  When he doesn’t get what he wants, he’s stubborn about it.”  Stubborn spouses, amirite, commiserates Cane.  He goes into an alarming amount of TMI about his personal problems and getting kicked out of his house.  “When she told me to leave home, she looked at me like I was a stranger.”  Sage says her husband always looks at her like she’s a stranger.  Lol  “You would think the people we pledged to love for the rest of our lives would understand us better than anybody else,” muses Cane.  Yeah, that’s not creepy for the hotel manager to tell you.

 

Hilary snaps at Devon.  “DON’T YOU GET IT?  I want you to go!  And don’t come back.  EVER!”  Devon’s like wtf?!

 

Adam says that’s a very generous offer.  Oh, it’s the least Billy can do.  Chelsea’s like, umm, are you SURE about this?  Jack will be coming home from the hospital soon and needs peace and quiet. Oh, pshaw, Gabe and Sage don’t seem like the rowdy type.  Billy would be OFFENDED if they said no.  Great, then Adam will wrangle up Sage and bring her over.  He leaves. 

 

Chelsea narrows her eyes.  What’s he up to, spying on Gabriel?  Nonsense, he just wants to get to know the guy a little better.  “Just like you wanted to know Stitch better?  You really went over the line with that one, Billy.”  Yeah, well, so did she.  Because he talked her into it!  He had a feeling about that one, too.  “And I was RIGHT, wasn’t I?” he says smugly.  Well, you were only half right, just like this will turn out to be.  HE’S A KILLER! ONLY NOT SO MUCH!

 

Neil visits Lily.  She is SO SORRY about Devon and Hilary did to him, and Cane covering it up.  He says he was trying to protect them, but he just made a bad situation worse.  “You have no idea, Lily.  It’s all gone downhill from there.”  He explains that it was all a lie.  Hilary’s marriage to him was a fraud, and her affair with Devon was her final act in her plan to ruin this family.  Lily’s like OMG!  “Yeah, OMG is right.”  And Lily saw it all, but Neil didn’t listen.  NO, Lily says he shouldn’t question himself, Hilary even fooled HER before it was over.  “That Woman has turned lying into an art form!”

 

Devon knows what Hilary is doing.  “You are CLUELESS!” snaps Hilary.  “Get it through your head, there was NOTHING between us.”  Devon was just a means to an end, that’s it.  Devon whines that Hilary LOVED him.  “Loved you?  A man who would cheat with his father’s wife?  A man who was so weak he let himself be blackmailed?  You’re PATHETIC.  I couldn’t wait to get away from you!”  Devon makes a terrible case for their amazing love and passion.  Hilary says there are all types of passion.  Anger and hate can look just like love.  Oh, was it anger and hate when he gave her the eternal consequences ring?  Okay, not EVERYTHING was a lie.

 

Abby says maybe Austin woke up outside, and made his way to an abandoned car instead of his own, and drove off.  “And then crashed?” says Kyle.  Kevin says minor detail, but when they found him in the closet he didn’t have a pulse!  Mariah says maybe someone staged the whole thing, which seems like a LOT of work.  What about Fen and Courtney?  Noah says Courtney wouldn’t tamper with the tampered evidence!  Fen didn’t have much time.  Summer cries for them all to STOP!  She can’t take anymore!  The cop comes back and says Austin’s been delivered to the morgue, and she has to ID the body.  He miraculously didn’t hear them talking about bodies moving or tampered evidence.

 

Cane gets home and finds Neil.  Lily went to see somebody.  They argue.  Cane says he TRIED to drop hints and warn him about stuff like NOT BUYING DREAM HOUSES.  You mean like the one that BLINDED HIM?  Hey, Cane’s been through hell with all this crap.  “YOU’VE been through hell??” questions Neil.  CANE IS SORRY, OKAY?!  Neil says now is the time for Cane to cheer up.  Because he was a victim just like Neil was, AND Devon.

 

Hilary says there was real stuff, too.  Like, when she said she DIDN’T care about him.  Devon says if it was her master plan to blow up the family by sleeping with him, then why did she kick him out of her bed?   He reminds her she TRIED to do the right thing, because she really cared about Neil.  Nope, Hilary is a master of reverse psychology.  “The forbidden is irresistible,” she whispers, and Devon proved it by coming back to her OVER AND OVER AGAIN because he is SUCH a predictable dumbass!  Devon is getting flustered. 
Hilary says she almost LAUGHED when Devon gave her the stupid eternal ring.  “I mean, what are you, 14??”  She mocks him asking her to wait for him.  After he left, she wiped his nasty kiss off and thought of all the ways she could use the ring to hurt Neil.  “ARE YOU JOKING?” squeals Devon.  “The best revenge was Neil finding us in bed together,” she says.  Devon says there is NO WAY in this world she means this.  She wanted Neil to get his eyesight back so that image would be burned in his brain FOREVER.  And now that it is, her work here…is done. 

 

Devon tears up.  “This wasn’t a job.  It couldn’t have been just that.”  Hilary says she used him, and he fell for it.  “You’ll get over it.  Now run along, before I call security.”  He stares at her in disbelief.  He starts to get up.  “Devon, wait!”  Is there hope?!  She throws the ring at him.  “Take this with you,” she giggles.  He wanders out, dazed and confused.

 

Adam and Sage get to The Abbotts.  She thinks this a TERRIBLE idea.  What if Billy suspects something?  And they’re going to be living with Chelsea day in and day out.  Is he going to be able to control himself?  Billy answers the door.  Welcome to Casa de Abbott.  He had Mrs. Martinez put them in the room right across the hall from them!  That’s not…creepy or swingerish.  Billy says they’ll be one, big, happy, boring family. 

 

Hilary’s sleeping.  She wakes up and finds LILY standing over her.  “If you weren’t already in a hospital bed, I’d PUT you in one.”  Hilary looks bored.  “I already sent Devon on his way. I am OUT of your lives.  So I don’t need another sanctimonious lecture from you…baby girl,” she mocks.  Lily smiles.  She heard all about her “grand plan.”  She’s only sorry she didn’t figure it out for herself.  “Well, how could you, when all you do is admire yourself in the mirror?”  Lily shakes her head.  “Of COURSE you didn’t love Devon.  You’re not CAPABLE of love.  You have the heart of a buzz saw.  How’d it feel ripping it through my dad and Devon?”  Actually it felt pretty good. 

 

So, she got her revenge…now what?  “Your life is OVER.  All you have are the reminders of what you did.”  Hilary yaaawns.  Is Lily finished, or what?  “There’s only one more thing.  Take your slutty self..and get the HELL out of Genoa City!”  Hilary smirks.  “And what if I don’t?”  Lily leans all the way down in Hilary’s face while SUPER DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS!!!  “I can be a buzz saw, too,” warns Lily.

 

Summer sits in the chapel and cries and cries and cries.

 

Back in the waiting room they wonder about Austin’s family.  “There’s gotta be someone in his life besides Summer,” reasons Kevin.  Abby looks really sad, you guys.  FLASHBACK!  She comes bopping into the cabin to be SHOCKED to find Austin lying on the couch.  OOPS!  What is HE doing there?  Oh, it’s where he and Summer hid out when they eloped.  It’s where he comes to get away.  Then where’s Summer?  “She’s the one I’m gettin’ away from,” he says sheepishly.  I’m not sure when he ever could physically GET away from Summer, unless she was shopping at Fenmore’s. 

 

Fade into Austin and Abby drinking wine and discussing his arguments with Summer.  “She keeps trying to BUY me stuff,” he complains.  “Oh, you’re one of THOSE, huh?  Threatened by women with money?”  It’s WHAT she buys him that pisses him off.  Like $300 worth of TIE.”  Oh, that he can wear with t-shirts.  Exactly!  How much is an eye candy husband supposed to put up with.  “Next she’ll be buying you oxford shirts and penny loafers,” jokes Abby.  “Kill me now,” says Austin.  Or on Valentine’s Day.  They giggle.
 

Fade into them sitting on the couch…closely.  “Well, I better get back,” says Austin.  “Barbie may want to dress up Ken some more.”  Abby says to give Summer a break.  She’s young and inexperienced and doesn’t understand a guy like him.  “The way you do?” he says, gazing in her eyes.  They start making out!  Saucy.  Really, this would have made a ton more sense if this was happening with Mariah.  Abby and Tyler had the exact same problem, except forget that because plot twist! 

 

Waiting room Abby looks devastated.  “It wasn’t just a fling,” says Mariah.  “You really loved the guy.”  Sure, why not.  “Shut up, Mariah.  You don’t know what you’re talking about,” says Abby, flouncing away.

 

Billy and Co. natter and drink.  Billy and Adam go in the kitchen to make bloody marys.  Chelsea tries to talk up Gabe to Sage.  Sage doesn’t want to talk about it.  “You obviously don’t believe me, but it’s true!  He REALLY cares about you!” exclaims Chelsea.  “NO, Chelsea, he cares about YOU.”  Seems like Sage is the one who can’t keep her act together.

 

Cane’s not buying that Hilary doesn’t love Devon.  Neil’s ego is convinced it was all an act!  Yeah, but Cane was always watching them trying to figure out what the hell was going on, and he saw how Hilary looked at Devon.  SHE LOVES HIM!  “Then why would she go through all this?” asks Neil.  Maybe she’s trying to get him to salvage his relationship with Devon.  She’s giving him a chance to be happy.  “If she was so concerned with my happiness, she never would have slept with Devon.  If she thinks that I’m gonna forgive that boy, she dumped him for NOTHING.”

 

Sad music plays while Devon sits at the club bar and cries over his eternal consequences ring.  He pushes it across the bar.  I guess he’s leaving it for a tip.

 

Well, this whole epic takedown of the cozy Winters clan was all for naught, because Hilary sits in her bed and cries.  FLASHBACK to Devon giving her the eternity band, which is how long this story has dragged on.  She vows to keep the ring safe and hidden til she can wear it for realz.  Hilary weeps in despair.  Wouldn't it have been easier just not to have an affair with him?

Noah comes in the waiting room looking for Kyle.  Abby thinks he went to find Summer.  Mariah doesn’t trust him.  That’s because she doesn’t KNOW him like Abby does.  “I don’t trust YOU, either,” says Mariah.  Noah tells Kevin that Abby may not know Kyle as well as she thinks she does.  He spied on Victor, for one.  They have no idea what he’s capable of.  Kevin agrees his story and bloody towel are sketchy.  Noah doesn’t know what to believe, but he thinks Kevin can help.  He has contacts with the police that can analyze the blood…but be discreet.  WHAT A GOOD IDEA.  GIVE THE DNA EVIDENCE TO THE POLICE.  DISCREETLY.  Just pop that towel in the bloodinator.  Who will be the wiser?

 

Kyle joins Summer in the chapel.  She tells him she ID’d the body.  “Why did I have so much to drink?  Why did Fen have to spike the punch?  WHY?”  He wishes he had been there sooner.  Summer says it’s not his fault.  There’s no way his car would have made it through the snow.  Kyle has a FLASHBACK!  He IS looking through the cabin window!  He sees them passed out (Noah, Mariah, Abby, Summer).  “I wasn’t there then…but I am now,” he says.  They hold hands.  Umm, they are giving me a serious Chris & Cathy, Flowers In The Attic vibe. <shiver>

 

Chelsea wants to know what Sage means by that..that Gabriel cares about her?  Ummm, that Gabe cares about the dog walker, and supermarket cashier, and everyone else in his life EXCEPT for Sage.  So Chelsea's nothing special.  The boys come back with drinks.  Gabe thinks they’re going to be very comfortable here, babe.  They toast to life, and how lucky they are to be living it.  No kidding.  “To our host,” says Sage.  “And our hostess,” says Gabe, looking at Chelsea.  She totally digs it.

[glowlights]

FLASHBACK!  She comes bopping into the cabin to be SHOCKED to find Austin lying on the couch.  OOPS!  What is HE doing there?  Oh, it’s where he and Summer hid out when they eloped.  It’s where he comes to get away.

 

Did that scene ever really happen, or are they making stuff up now to justify the Abby Loves Austin thing??? This show is messing with my mind...

 

And do we know who Victor met in the confessional booth?

[peach]

Did that scene ever really happen, or are they making stuff up now to justify the Abby Loves Austin thing??? This show is messing with my mind...

 

And do we know who Victor met in the confessional booth?

No, it was a retroactive made-up "flashback."

 

And, no, it's a MYSTERY.

[movinon]

 

Billy’s still offended that Gabe saved his life.  So am I.

SO AM I .....I wanted him to leave him there to fry and I am so disappointed.  I do think parts of the show are improving, although we are having to pay for it by looking at prune face every day.  I am so wicked - I love that Austin was cheating on stupid Summer, and I love that Cricket is gonna lose that baby.  I don't even care if Kyle killed Austin - I think he's so cute, it's ok.  Loved your son's Hardy Boys remark - spot on.  

[smartyshorts]

Does anyone in Genoa City ever just go on a bender and wake up with a hangovers maybe dry mouth? Any more than two drinks and some poor sucker ends up dead or caught in a bear trap.  Peach, I want to survive a plane crash with your recaps. 

[peach]

Mon, Mar 2   Ashley Is Suspicious

 

Whew!  Valentine’s Day is finally OVER you guys. Everyone finally got to change their clothes after the last two weeks.  You’d think that would be a good thing, right?  Chelsea is wearing some kind of abomination consisting of the cheapest, thinnest, white tank top, like from a bargain underwear pack from K-Mart, along with…I don’t know… some kind of heavy blue and black hunter’s check tablecloth/blanket sleeveless, backless, poncho vest?  IN WINTER. 

 

Anyway, she’s wearing THAT when Gabe comes down for morning coffee.  Looks like he smiles plenty to me.  She’s polite but sort of avoids him.  Has he done something to offend her?  Oh, it was just something Sage said.  Great, and what was that?  “She said that you have feelings for me.”  Billy is coming down and HEARS.

 

Kyle didn’t waste any time getting cozy in the Barbie Townhouse.  Summer wakes up in his arms, on the couch.  He didn’t want to leave her alone last night, not after all she’s been through.  That is an excellent choice if the police decide to pay attention.  “It’s gonna be okay, Summer.”  “I killed Austin, Kyle.  How is anything ever gonna be okay again?”

 

Nick meets Avery at the club to whine about how a reporter already called him.  He knows The Underground was having structural problems before the storm, and that the city threatened to shut him down because Nick ignored the notices from the building inspector.  Call me a stickler, but telling a bartender “hey, have your boss call me” doesn’t sound like much of a “notice.”  But anyway, it was all Austin’s fault, so obviously he deserved to be murdered.

 

Nick assures Avery he instantly hired a contractor to fix everything, though.  She says it sounds like he did everything right, then.  “Not right enough,” he sighs.  His bartender is dead, and a lot of people got injured, including his dad.  “That’s all on me.”  And they’re probably all going to sue the shit out of you, rich boy.

 

Kelly runs into Ashley at the club.  “Wait.  You can set the record straight.  You KNOW that Jack and I MADE LOVE the other night at the club.”  Ashley REALLY doesn’t want to get involved in this, so Kelly should speak to Jack.  She DID speak to him, and he denied they slept together, that he was even in the back room.  He says KELLY is to blame for all of Phyllis’ problems.  “WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? WHY WOULD HE SUDDENLY TURN ON ME?!” she shrieks.  Ashley side eyes, looking for security probably.  Thanks, Jack.

 

Paul and Christine kibbutz over coffee at Crimson Lights when Phyllis comes sweeping in and taunts them for a while.  Christine says guilty people make their job easy.  “Still the wide-eyed optimist, I see,” says Phyllis.  “You’re still a delusional bully,” retorts Chris.  They bicker.  Phyllis says KELLY is the guilty one.  Chris says no one’s buying that.  “Jack does.  Victor does.  They’re working together to prove I’m innocent,” says Phyllis.  Chris says those two had a MOMENT of good will when crushed by a building.  It’s not going to last. 

 

Victor is dressed and griping that the hospital hasn’t finished the damnpaperwork.  He bickers with Jack, who’s still in a bathrobe, but is just as anxious to get out of there, and away from him.  Victor says the feeling is entirely mutual, but don’t forget they have an agreement to get Phyllis out of trouble.  Now that Jack’s mind is a little less foggy, he’s not sure that’s a good idea.   Victor’s incensed.  “Wait a minute!  You’re reneging on our agreement??”  Wasn’t it more like an edict?

 

Ashley doesn’t KNOW what’s going on with Jack.  Kelly says something has changed his mind.  He was convinced that Phyllis tried to kill her, but now he thinks SHE is the crazy one.  Ashley’s like, hey, he’s been through a horrible ordeal.  A building collapsed on him, his heart stopped…his emotions must be all over the map right now.  Kelly can’t understand how he could have forgotten they “made love.”  Don’t make me bring back Samuel L. Jackson, Kelly.   Ashley doesn’t know what to tell her, but Jack shouldn’t have any more stress in his life.  Kelly LOVES him, Ashley!  Yeah, well, if you love something, set it free, etc.  Kelly will…if Ashley will talk to him for her.  Ashley looks thrilled about it.

 

Jack hasn’t changed his mind about working together to help Phyllis.  But if he had any other choice, he’d having nothing to do with Victor!  Ditto.  Don’t forget that only Victor can prove Phyllis is innocent.  Well…does he have a plan, or what?  Oh, he has some ideas.  He’ll be in touch.  Jack is really stupid to be pulled into this.  Victor leaves.  Jack hurriedly calls someone.  He needs to see them NOW.

 

Phyllis tells Chris she’s scared, because if Jack and Victor combine resources, they’re going to CRUSH her in court.  Paul thinks it’s really not that easy for money and power to alter the truth.  HAHAHAHA.  Right.  But Phyllis is counting on the truth, and when it comes out, Paul and Chris are going to look incompetent.  “Chris, you look pale.  Is the thought of me crushing your career too much for you?”  Chris jumps up!  “You smug, narcissistic bitch!  I’m gonna destroy you in court, and I’m gonna make you PAY for every vicious thing you’ve EVER done!”  Paul holds her back!

 

Phyllis says Chris is still just pissed that she stole Danny from her 100 years ago.  Paul says not to let Phyllis get to her. It’s not good for the baby.  “Baby?” says Phyllis.  “YEAH.  Chris is pregnant, so BACK OFF,” snaps Paul.  Phyllis says congratulations.  “If Cricket here had any maternal instincts AT ALL, she’d be focused on her baby and not some personal vendetta,” she sneers.  Chris thinks THAT’S rich, considering Phyllis is busy throwing barbs at her when her daughter JUST lost her husband!  Phyllis is like, wait, what?? 

 

Avery and Nick discuss the how overly responsible these brothers feel for collapsing roofs and punched noses.  Nothing’s anyone’s fault.  Avery says you can’t spend time living in regret.  Sage interrupts and says she doesn’t want to interrupt, but she can’t stand by and listen to Hero Nick blaming himself.

 

Adam pretends this is all a good thing that Sage thinks he has feelings for Chelsea.  It means she’s jealous, so she must really care about him!  For the first time he thinks he’ll get what he wants out of this marriage:  a FUTURE with the woman he loves.  Adam preemptively covers, and says Sage has been super emotional since Constance died and gets some crazy notions.  So if she comes up with any more kooky ideas, like, say, that he’s really Adam Newman, just come to old Gabe first so they can work it out. He doesn’t want there to be any misunderstandings.  He has to take a call in the other room.  Billy’s not so sure this settles things.  BLAH BLAH BLAH.

 

Sage and Avery give Nick a pep talk.  Nick says you can blame Mother Nature, or the contractor, or you can even blame God, but the bottom line is that it was HIS responsibility to keep the people in his club safe that night, and he failed.  Nick is way more important than God.   Blah accidents blah. Nick is a super hero who cares deeply for others, and Sage won’t let him think otherwise.  Avery looks at Sage, like, I seeee.

 

Paul and Chris go see Jack in the hospital.  He realizes they both have issues with Phyllis.  “Uh, yeah, she tried to KILL us, Jack.  Just like she tried to kill Kelly Andrews.”  Jack’s like, hey, she didn’t do anything to KELLY.  He made a mistake before, it was Kelly who cooked up this sick scheme with the antifreeze.  Chris asks if he has any PROOF?  Well, of course not, but Kelly claims they had SEX in the club at the party.  This means Kelly is deeply disturbed.  If she would lie about that, what ELSE would she lie about?  Lying totally means you poisoned yourself, I mean, the rest of the town is so honest.  Jack thinks his going back to Phyllis pushed Kelly over the edge.  Chris reminds him he said the SAME THING about Phyllis.  “I should never have questioned Phyllis!” says Jack.  NOW he knows what Kelly is capable of.  Yeah, NOW that the trial is looming.  Chris says he’d say ANYTHING to try and save Phyllis.  It’s not going to work!  Jack grimaces.

 

Phyllis rushes into the Barbie Townhouse and hugs Summer.  Kyle quickly says Summer didn’t call her or Jack about Austin DYING because she knew how much they had going on.  Summer whines a lot.  They try to comfort her, but Summer whimpers that Austin’s gone, and it’s HER fault.  Kyle worries about her big mouth.  Someone squirted some Visine down her cheek.

 

“Why would you say what happened to Austin was your fault?” says Phyllis softly.  Kyle explains that they’re just all feeling guilty, wondering if there was anything they could have done differently.  Wait, KYLE was there?  Yep.  He gives her The Approved Story about Kevin falling off the roof.  Summer says Austin volunteered to get help and the police found him dead in a crashed car.  She cries some more about never saying goodbye to him.  Kyle says they can have a memorial service for him, like a funeral is a novel idea.  Phyllis will arrange everything for her.  Summer’s a little surprised, since she knows Phyllis wasn’t Austin’s biggest fan.  Right, and now he’s dead!  So it all worked out.  Phyllis will be happy to do whatever it takes to get her through it.

 

Sage gushes over Nick some more.  He really appreciates her silk panties and pep talks.  Sage says she’s bossy and most guys [Adam] don’t like that.  “Well, Nick’s not like most guys,” says Avery.  Thank God.  Sage prances away.  Avery didn’t know he and Sage had gotten so close.  Silk panties, Nick??  He smiles smugly.

 

Chelsea and her HIDEOUS OUTFIT think Billy’s blowing this Gabe thing way out of proportion.  They debate Gabriel AD NAUSEUM.

 

Ashley in cool shoes catches Jack in the hospital hallway.  He’s dressed and ready to leave in his plaid shirt and cable knit sweater.  He tries to blow off Ashley because he had a long night and just wants to get home, but mostly because he seems to be the dickhead version of Jack she confronted at The Underground.  She’s frustrated and says it can’t wait!  She saw Kelly.  Jack has nothing to say on that topic.  “Well, I DO!” she insists.  Then make it quick, he says abruptly.  She does a double take over his rudeness, and says “Are you honestly going to tell me that you don’t remember sleeping with Kelly?”  She whacks him with her purse.  “Because I know you did.”  “Okay, fine,” he says coldly.  “I slept with Kelly.  Is that what you want to hear?” What she wants to HEAR is that he’s going to stop lying to her. 

 

Does he have any idea what he’s doing to that poor woman?  Does SHE have any idea what it would do to Phyllis to find out?  Ashley can’t even.  “So you’re messing with Kelly’s head to prevent Phyllis from spinning out of control?  What the HELL are you DOING?  Are you so afraid that Phyllis will turn to Victor for support that you’re gonna USE Kelly this way?”  Jack has no problem with Victor, they’ve worked out an arrangement.  They’re working together to clear Phyllis.  Ashley is PISSED.  Has he forgotten that man STOLE THEIR FORMULA?!  Jack haughtily says that during the building collapse, he and Victor SHARED SOMETHING THAT CHANGES PEOPLE.  True love?  Stock tips?  Gluten free recipes?  So is Jack saying they’re ALLIES?  “Let’s just say we’re not enemies,” he says smugly, and walks away.

 

Victor visits Kelly in her office.  He’s there to warn her that her former lover’s coming after her.  Jack’s determined to have the case on Phyllis turned around and have KELLY brought up on charges.  Kelly says there is NO EVIDENCE to prove she’s done anything wrong.  Interesting, since that’s not the same thing as saying she didn’t do it.  “Powerful men have a way of making evidence where there is none,”  notes Victor.  Kelly asks if he’s speaking from experience.  “I’m not a bad man to have on your side,” he says.  So Kelly has heard…from Phyllis.  She told Kelly he and Jack have teamed up to help her.  “So who are you playing?  Me, or Phyllis?”  Victor smiles and says neither.  His interest is to get JackAbbott away from the mother of his granddaughter.  “And you want me to help you achieve that goal.  How?”  He’s glad she asked.

 

He tells her during the commercials.  Thanks, Victor.  KELLY says it sounds a little extreme, so it must be pretty insane.  He says it will work if she does her part.  “In exchange for what?” she asks.  He chuckles.  For a favor, but she doesn’t get to know what it is.  Sounds legit.  So let Kelly and me get this straight.  Victor calls the shots…and Kelly does what he says.  Yep.  “Are you in?”  She thinks about it.  “As long as I get Jack!”  He smirks, which isn’t really an answer.  He’ll be in touch.  “Victor, how do I know I can trust you?”  “You don’t.”  I guess she'll take her chances because JACK!

 

Paul and Chris get back to the office.  He wants to have another talk with Kelly Andrews.  Chris scoffs.  Jack is DESPERATE.  He’ll say whatever he has to to save Phyllis!  DUH!  They fight about whether Phyllis could be innocent.  He says they have to check out every angle or the whole case could fall apart!  Which isn’t really the cops’ job. Chris is not going to let her get away with this!  “I will take on whoever I have to, INCLUDING YOU, to make sure she ends up behind bars!”  He says they are on the SAME SIDE, and apparently have the SAME JOB, because he is going to make sure her case is rock solid!  Chris storms out.  Paul stares at the ceiling.  Oh, boy, he sighs.  Wimmen!

 

Nick hems and haws about his Not A Relationship with Sage.  Avery’s glad he seems happy, but this could make things difficult with Sharon.  Oh, yeah…since also, Sage is, um…married.  Oh, Nick!  But she did it to help out a friend, so it’s not what she’s thinking!  “I’m thinking this can’t possibly end well,” she says.

 

Sage gets back to the Abbotts’ and fights with Adam over her stupid admission that he has the hots for Chelsea.  Sage is bitter and difficult and doesn’t care about throwing all the money away even though she constantly warns Adam not to make the mistakes she keeps making for him.  “If you do that again, you’re gonna regret it,” he warns.  “You go to hell,” she snaps, and stomps away.  Jack walks in wearing a plain blue shirt with coat and tie.  He’s like what the hell are you doing here with your fake girlfriend?  That’s no fake girlfriend!  That’s my fake wife!

 

Summer sleeps on the couch while Phyllis confers with Kyle.  She can’t believe it. She didn’t like Austin for Summer, but this?  It sucks, says Kyle.  Phyllis thinks it’s funny, Kyle showing up just now.  I mean, he was the love of Summer’s 18yo life, and they were only apart because of incest.  Then she rushed into marriage with Austin, and it turned out she could be with Kyle after all.  Kyle doesn’t know WHAT you’re implying, Phyllis, but he just came back to town.  He hasn’t seen Summer in over a year.  Sooo, he didn’t text her, or call her, she challenges.  Kyle says Summer took her wedding vows seriously.  She treated Austin way better than he deserved.  Phyllis agrees.  Austin wasn’t nearly good enough for her daughter.  But sometimes people can’t admit they got in over their heads and made a mistake…no matter how much it costs them.

 

Paul goes to see Kelly and tries his usual squeeze for information without a lawyer around.  Kelly says no man is worth hurting yourself for, not even Jack.  Then why not tell him about the day she was poisoned?

 

Jack can’t believe Billy invited Adam and Sage to stay in the house.  Adam’s pretty excited about it.  Billy’s handing him his family on a silver platter!  Jack doesn’t think he should take this invite at face value.  Billy’s been asking tons of questions ever since “Gabe” showed up.  “We’re talking about Billy here,” says Adam.  “The guy couldn’t figure out how to throw a toga party in a frat house.”  Jack thinks he liked Adam better dead.  “Good.  Then just keep pretending I AM dead, and everything will turn out how it’s supposed to.”

 

Chelsea and Billy go to Crimson Lights so they can argue about Adam there.  I wonder who’s running the fashion division these days.

 

Avery says Nick’s friendship with Sage worries her.  If Sharon finds out he’s dating a married a woman, she could reopen the custody case.  Nick needs to decide what’s important to him.  Oh, it’s always FAITH, of course.  Then BE CAREFUL.

 

Billy’s a gambler and he can tell Adam’s bluffing.  He can feel the undercurrent of bitterness.  Billy’s bitterness is right up on top.  He can’t shake the feeling that part of Gabe wanted him to die in that building.  Omg, SHUT UP!!!!

 

Phyllis comes rushing home, and meets Adam and Sage.  They realize something’s wrong, so they head out.  “Austin’s dead!” says Phyllis.  Summer’s a wreck, and Phyllis doesn’t know how she’s going to survive this.

 

She’s surviving by [giving me] having nightmares of bleating AUSTIN AUSTIN AUSTIN, while he lies in pool of blood.  She wakes up and cries like nails on a blackboard while Kyle holds her and says it’s going to be okay. He clearly looks up to something!

 

Thanks, Paul, but Kelly’s already given a statement.  She doesn’t have anything else to add.  If he doesn’t let Jack cloud his judgment, then justice will be served.  Kthanxbye!  Paul reluctantly leaves.  Kelly smiles contentedly.

 

Ashley catches Victor at the GCAC.  So wtf is going on with Victor and Jack acting like buddies to protect Phyllis?  “That’s not him, so what’s really going on??”  She might have heard he saved Jack’s life.  Okay, well that might make Jack grateful, but friends?  NO.  Oh, Victor says almost dying really brought about a change in Jack.  He wears sweaters now.  Pretty soon everyone else will see how much Jack has changed.   Ashley isn’t buying this.  Victor smiles a mischievous, trick-playing little smile, while Ashley glares.

Edited March 5, 2015 by peach

[movinon]

 

Nick says you can blame Mother Nature, or the contractor, or you can even blame God, but the bottom line is that it was HIS responsibility to keep the people in his club safe that night, and he failed.  Nick is way more important than God.

Summed it up very well, peach.  He must be more important than God.  Thanks for the recap - i am awake in the fucking middle of the night because I really messed up my back, and the pain pills aren't working.  If I say something stupid, it's not my fault - I'm still giggling over the Hardy Boys remark from yesterday's recap.

[PatsyandEddie]

Feel better movinon!

[Slowpokey]

Yes hope you are feeling better Movinon! Back pain is the worst!!!

[movinon]

Thanks, Patsy and pokey - the pills finally kicked in about 4:00 am and I just got up a little while ago.  I think I may be too old to be trying to wrestle a 6 month old - she's already stronger and smarter than me. lol

[peach]

Tue, Mar 3     Sex, Lies, And Videotape

 

If Devon’s going to screw Neil’s wife, then Neil might as well drink up Devon’s liquor.  Lily is horrified to see him doing just that at the GCAC bar.  She motions to the bartender to cut him off.  Hey, man, he wasn’t DONE!  She tries to take his glass, but he takes it back, and grabs the liquor from behind the bar himself.  For some reason, he’s still acting kinda blind.  “Whatcha gonna do?  Have your own father thrown out?”

 

Christine frantically eats chocolate in Paul’s office because babies.  He comes in and they debate cravings.  They have a nice moment, so, of course, Nikki has to interrupt.  She came to tell them that even though there’s no love lost between her and Phyllis, she is CERTAIN Phyllis is innocent.  Is Nikki a doppelganger, too?  Is there a duplicate town somewhere, where Victor has stashed replicas of all its citizens for when they might come in handy?  Chris tells her the evidence says otherwise.  Hey, now, wait a minute, Paul wants to hear the drunken socialite out.  She could provide them with some insight instead of relying on traditional police work.  Chris is getting indigestion.

 

Abby, Noah, Kevin, and Mariah meet up at Crimson Lights.  Kevin says he gave the bloody towel to a cop for secret DNA testing.  This was all Noah’s dumb idea since he didn’t get the Newman memo that discreet DNA testing is done in SWITZERLAND, not your local precinct.  Abby’s like, what, you don’t trust Kyle?  Uh, not when he’s driving around with a bloody towel in his trunk.  “Kyle is my cousin.  Do you really think he could be an accomplice to murder?”  You mean an accomplice to your niece?  Aren’t they all accomplices now?  Noah says it seems like Kyle’s hiding something.

 

Summer just can’t get past seeing Austin dead.  Kyle suggests she look for photos of Austin for the funeral.  She opens Austin’s computer and clicks on the “Summer and Me” file, and finds a video of Austin talking into the camera to her.  Awww.

 

Nikki doesn’t think Phyllis poisoned Kelly because she’s changed.  Oh, well that settles it.  Chris is like WHY is half the town suddenly defending her?!  Is Phyllis blackmailing Nikki?  No, but Nikki laughs that she can see why someone might think so.  Because PHYLLIS IS A TERRIBLE PERSON.  But she let Nikki crawl out the hole in the rubble first, so she’s innocent.  What else do you need to know, seriously.  Chris is like, what does THAT have to do with poisoning Kelly??  “You have to listen to me!!  She’s a different person!” cries Nikki.  Chris says she’s more lethal and dangerous than ever.  She’d stop at nothing including attempted murder.  NO.  NOT ANYMORE.  “I really believe you need to drop those charges,” bosses Nikki, whose business this is not.

 

Neil tells Lily that sobriety has brought him nothing but pain and betrayal.  FORGET SOBRIETY!  Lily says to think about Moses.  “Don’t you DARE play that card with me!” he says.  Moses is fine, his mama’s taking good care of him.  “You are SO SELFISH!” exclaims Lily.  “He needs his father!  Don’t DO this to him!”  Neil says that boy will survive!  “Oh, like I did?” says Lily.  Does he want to do this to her again, really?   Neil says he doesn’t want to hurt her.  So is he trying to hurt DEVON with this?  Neil deflects like any proper alcoholic and asks how she and CANE are doing.  They’re fighting, and Cane slept in the guest room.  Ohhh, so does she think THAT’S good for the kids?  Hey, SHE is not the one self-destructing right now! 

 

Neil’s like, so what’s it going to be?  For him to quit drinking or for Lily to forgive her husband.  “Will that work?” she asks.  Hell, no.  He doesn’t care about Cane.  “I love you, but to hell with him.  You can dump that guy.”  Devon walks up.  “Dad, stop taking this out on Lily.”  Neil says look what the cat dragged in!  “The BILLIONAIRE.  The arbiter of how to treat your family RIGHT.  The man I used to call my son.  The man who did everything to drive me to this point except pour da bourbon into this glass.”

 

Summer forces Kyle and the rest of us to watch sappy videos of Austin and Summer being in wuv.  The Abbott Cabin Gang stops by to cheer her up.  They all sadly watch the lovey dovey giggles video.  Summer laments Austin’s dream of becoming a director.  Abby’s not really enjoying Austin’s professions of love so much.  She thinks that’s probably enough for Summer to handle today.  No, she neeeeeds to watch this.  OMG…there’s a NEW video!  He recorded it on Valentine’s Day!  And he seems kinda serious!  Noah says she doesn’t have to do this.  “I HAVE to watch this!  He recorded this for me the day that he died!” her gaping maw cries.  Abby gulps.

 

Austin continues speaking to us from beyond the grave.  He’s not being very Malibu about Valentine’s Day, let me tell you.  “You are probably expecting roses and candy, for this to be some kind of love sonnet.  And you deserve all that.  But, umm, I’m feeling like, Summer, what I really need to give you…is an apology.”  Summer frowns, like, more.  “An apology for what?” she croaks in confusion.  Video Austin continues.  “You’ve been telling me I haven’t been acting like myself lately… and the truth is, I really don’t like myself much lately.  There’s a reason for that.  And there’s something you need to know.”  But now Summer will never know, because she interrupted her own video to herself.  She comes bursting in the background of the video with a bunch of shopping bags. Don’t freak out about the money, because she got a great deal on those t-shirts, or Cheez-its, or something she says he likes.  He’s irritated.  She’s so excited about going to the cabin!  He grimaces and closes the computer.  The End. 

 

Abby nervously side eyes Summer while she whines about how there was SOMETHING off that night at the cabin.  But seeing this… she had no idea he was so depressed!  Nobody else seems to think Austin was depressed.  Noah’s like, why would he tape an apology rather than say it to your face?  Was he afraid to tell her something?   Summer whimpers that there was nothing Austin could say or do that would make her that mad or upset.  Besides forgetting messages or complaining about ties.  Mariah and Abby stare at each other.  Abby jumps up and says she forgot about something she has to go do, like, right now.  She rushes out.  Summer wants to watch the video again and try to figure it out.  Kevin pulls Mariah aside and asks just what that look with Abby meant.

 

Chris appreciates Nikki’s civic mindedness, but points out she’s hardly qualified to have any say in this. Paul doesn’t want to dismiss it though, because duh.  And Nikki’s not friends with Phyllis, he says, so she has nothing to gain.  Chris is livid.  “Unlike me??  That’s what you’re saying, that I can’t see this objectively?!”  Well…you can’t.  But you’re still right about Nikki.  Nikki does her usual feigning of worry that she’s upset Cricket’s apple cart, because she NEVER means to cause any TROUBLE, and she rushes out.  Chris slams the door and whirls on Paul with gritted teeth.  “How could you do that to me?!”  The chocolate is wearing off.

 

“Do you mind if we take this somewhere private, Dad?” asks Devon.  “Ohhh, you want some privacy?  Like you had with my wife?” mocks Neil.  He doesn’t even want to breathe the same AIR as Devon.  Lily says to place the blame where it belongs, on Hilary.  “Oh, did she throw some voodoo on him, did she hypnotize him, did she throw him into bed and try to seduce him like she tried with Cane?”  Hmm, Lily, what about THAT?  If CANE had an affair with Hilary…would she just blame Hilary?  NO.  NOTHING can top what this ingrate did to him.  He thinks it’s time for another drink.  Lily won’t stand there and watch him drink himself into oblivion.  GOODBYE!

 

Devon tries to tell Neil how sorry he is.  “Your sorry don’t mean jack.”  At least let Devon try.  Yeah, no.  “Nothing that you say means anything to me.  Because you don’t mean anything to me.  Read my lips.  You are NOT my son.”  Devon pouts.  He knows that’s the alcohol talking, and not his TOTAL BETRAYAL OF HIM.  “There’s no way after all the years you dedicated of your life to making me feel loved, that I could mean nothing to you.”  Omg, Devon is an IDIOT.  Way to dig your hole deeper, dumbass.  “I know that you’re hurt, and I know what I did to you.  But you are my dad.”  Neil says Tucker McCall is his dad.  “There’s a very big difference between a biological father, and Dad.”  Really, because most people would think the difference is NOT SLEEPING WITH HIS WIFE.  Neil shakes his head.  “You lie like him, you cheat like him, you got no moral fiber just like him.”  If he wants to call somebody Dad, go find Tucker.  They deserve each other. 

 

But Devon is truly, truly sorry.  Not just regular sorry.  Wait, so did he know Hilary was married to Neil?  Hmm, yes.  He did know that.  “Damn right you did,” says Neil, pouring another drink.  “You were my best man!  You stood right next to me by the hot dog cart when we exchanged vows.”   True, and Devon is like, really really really REALLY sorry.  When?  The first time he kissed her?  Undressed her?  Made love to her?  Or was it when he was planning to run away with her?  “OR WAIT.  Or when SHE ran away from YOU?”

 

Devon tries to pull a moral equivalency card by saying Neil did the same thing to his brother, but seriously, brothers are rivals.  He didn’t take Malcolm off the streets and adopt him.  But just like Neil did, Devon is going to find a way to make things right with him.  Neil says he can take all his sorrys and shove’em up his ass.  Devon is not going to turn his back on his father!  “I’m not your dad!”  Are too!  “You’re being stupid!  How many times do I have to tell you?” There is absolutely NOTHING Devon can do to make this right.  But he can make it better by going to a 5 star hotel room and drinking himself to death with really expensive scotch.  “Become a drunk…just like me.”  Devon’s like wth are you talking about?  He’s super drunk, Devon.  Nikki comes in and observes.  Guess she needs to butt in over here, too.

 

Summer gets coffee, and Kevin demands to know what Mariah’s hiding about Abby.  Okay, fine, Mariah whispers.  She doesn’t think Austin was depressed in that video, he was guilty.  About what?  Uh-oh, the next video starts playing and it’s not Summer and Me.  It’s ABBY and Me.  They’re being stupid and flirty at Crimson Lights.  “About that,” admits Mariah.  Summer walks up.  Why does Austin have a video of Aunt Abby?  Noah knows why.

 

Abby sits in Crimson Lights and anxiously remembers making out with Austin at the cabin.  She pulls away.  They shouldn’t do this.  He’s not that kind of guy.  Right.  They stare at each other and then start making out again and tearing off clothes.  Wow, complete love scene in front of the fireplace.  These two are pretty hot together, too bad they killed him off.  Maybe Victor has an extra Austin someplace.
 

Fade into their sweaty regret.  “Turns out I am that kind of guy,” says Austin.  Abby can’t believe they did that.  Summer is her niece, she LOVES her.  Austin says it’s his fault.  He’s the married one, and Summer’s done nothing but love him.  Literally.  It can NEVER happen again.  But another time this time doesn’t count as another time, right?  They passionately go at it again.  Present day Abby looks kinda sick about it.

 

Noah claims something about Austin working on some documentary about corporate titans making their way to the top.  Doesn’t she remember?  Umm, no.  And Abby’s no mogul, why would he interview her?  Noah figures he was asking her about Grandpa and Jack.  This is just some test footage or something.   Is Noah just making this up?  Summer whines and cries about being a terrible wife and not even knowing what her husband was working on, his PASSION.  WAAAH.  Kevin shows Mariah a text.  “Got towel blood results.”  Yeah, THAT’S discreet.  They worry.

 

Abby has another memory of Austin sitting down with her at Crimson Lights.  He can’t take it anymore.  He’s SO OVER this marriage.  He just wants out.  NO, he DOESN’T, she insists.  That was not the response he was looking for.  “You’re not ending things with Summer.  I’M ending things with YOU.”  Austin frowns.  You and me?  “It’s OVER,” says Abby.  “What I did was selfish and awful, and this is never  happening again.”  Look, Austin can’t just go back to Summer.  She doesn’t get him like Abby does.  Abby thinks that’s just some lame excuse because he’s scared.  He’s never felt good enough for her, so he wants to smash things up before she finds someone better.  Well, she’s beautiful and rich.  Okay, maybe he just got lucky, but he should GO WITH IT.  “Forget this meaningless fling.  Be all about Summer.  MAKE yourself worthy of her.”  Yeah, make yourself worthy of a whining, useless, lazy, bullying twit.

 

Abby wipes tears from her eyes, and Kyle suddenly sits down with her.  “Let me guess, you’re thinking about…Austin.”

 

Chris is close to rage about Paul accusing her of being unprofessional IN FRONT OF NIKKI.  Paul’s just trying to consider all the elements.  Hasn’t she thought about someone else maybe poisoning Kelly?  Get real!  Phyllis OBVIOUSLY did it!  Or maybe CHRIS just can’t get past the fact that she went unpunished for trying to KILL THEM.  How unreasonable of you, Chris!  She says maybe he should tell his police officers it’s wrong to aggressively put criminals behind bars because it will make their job SO MUCH EASIER!  Paul yells at her because THEIR JOB is to make sure they charge the RIGHT PERSON with a crime.  So he wants to waste taxpayers’ money on other suspects when all the evidence points to Phyllis?  Well, I mean, it’s circumstantial evidence, says Paul.  Geez, he wasn’t half this easy on poor Dylan.  Chris is flippin’ furious that he’s questioning her integrity.  He tells her not blow this out of proportion!  “This is about US, and our marriage, and this is about YOUR UNDYING LOYALTY TO NIKKI!” she shouts.

 

Nikki notes that everything has hit the fan for Neil.  She can see he already regrets what he said to Devon.  Hmm, doesn’t look that way from here.  Neil says it was the truth.  She says her issues hit the fan, too.  Her family knows about her drinking.  They want her to go to meetings. Neil says that’s not what she really wants.  “You want a second opinion, don’t you?” he says, sliding her the bottle.  Misery loves company.

 

Devon goes to Lily’s office to cry on her shoulder.  Neil’s a big meanie!  “What did you expect, Devon?  You slept with his wife!  Your stepmother!”  Yeaaah, but still.  He expected him to be hurt and angry, just not really.  “And humiliated, and betrayed, and insulted!” adds Lily.  Well, yeah, that too, but this stuff that Neil just said to him…oof.  Lily manages to say she’s sure the alcohol is partly to blame.  “Well that doesn’t make it hurt any less.”  Aww. Did Neil hurt Devon’s feewings?  Is Devon going to cwy?  Poooor Devon.  And he still can’t for the life of him believe that Hilary was playing him!  “Are you kidding me?” says Lily.  No!  There’s nothing in this world that could have convinced him Hilary didn’t love him. And now he wants to hate her.  “Don’t tell me you’re still holding out hope that vicious BITCH, who ruined your relationship with your father, will come crawling back to you!”

 

Nikki tells Neil she’s going to a meeting.  Ugh, why?  Well, there’s an instant memorial later for her granddaughter’s husband.  Neil’s condolences.  Nikki says a meeting will help her get through it.  Does he want to come along?  NOPE!  “Well, Neil, you can’t just be constantly drunk!  Awful things can happen, we both know that.”  Neil’s pretty sloshed.  “I don’t have any interest in getting sober today,” he slurs.  At least let Nikki take him home.  Okay.

 

Noah’s alone with Summer now.  Seeing these videos just blaaaah WAAAH blaaah.  She doesn’t even know what these videos are about and it’s so sad because MEEE  waaaah waaah ME ME ME!  She cannot go to the memorial, she can’t!

 

Kyle tells Abby he KNOWS about her affair with Austin.  She says that’s crazy.  Oh, well he took a week off to go the cabin, and imagine his surprise when he found evidence they were hooking up.  Abby’s like what KIND of evidence?  Enough for him to follow them around for a few days.  Geez!  He FOLLOWED them?  “If I had asked, would you have admitted it?” asks Kyle.  “I’m STILL not admitting it,” retorts Abby.  Well, Kyle SAW them.  “What were you thinking, Abby??”  She just wants to know what’s going to DO with this information. 

 

Kevin and Mariah go to the police station for the discreet DNA results of murder evidence.  Kyle said it was his car, his trunk, his blood.  “He lied,” says Kevin.

 

Summer whiny talks about how she ended Austin’s life. MY EARS ARE BLEEDING.  Noah says she’s strong.  She’s not alone.  Summer says she can’t do it, she can’t do it!!  Well, that won’t make you look guilty at all.  Noah says Austin would want his whimpering murderer there.   Summer agrees that he would.   Noah and Kyle will be there to support her.  Noah hugs her.  He sees Austin’s Abby video still playing on the computer.  She’s mugging for the camera and trying on sunglasses…but in the background… a face is lurking in the window!  IT’S KYLE!!  He's quite the lurker.

 

Kyle tells Abby he’s been feeling torn up about this whole thing.  “Thank you so much for keeping my horrible mistake a secret!” gushes relieved Abby.  “I never said that,” corrects Kyle.   Omg, who did he tell?  Austin!  “I confronted him.  We had an argument.  I wasn’t going to let him get away with treating Summer like garbage!”  Kyle, what did you do?  “It got…physical,” he admits.  “OMG, YOU DID IT!” cries Abby.  SSHHHH!!!  “You bashed his head in.  You killed Austin!” she hisses.

 

Lily says to focus on helping Dad even if he won’t accept it right now.  Devon’s just glad Lily still cares about him.  Of course she still cares…but she can never forgive him.  “I just can’t see us being as close as we were.”   You mean…you guys might have some appropriate boundaries now?  She stomps off.

 

Nikki drives while Neil slurs about how Devon hurt him.  He looks out the window.  Heeeey, this isn’t the way to his place!  “You’re taking me to an AA meeting!”

 

Chris says once Nikki walked in, her word was GOSPEL.  Paul automatically sided with her over his own wife!  They fight about his devotion to her and their 40yo infant son.  “You used to trust me.  You used to have FAITH in my instincts,” she cries.  If he doesn’t have FAITH in her, she doesn’t know what kind of marriage they have!  She runs out!  Paul thinks she’s blowing this completely out of proportion!

 

“Aww, hell, no!” says Neil.  He told Nikki he wasn’t going to a meeting!  Let him out of this car!  “I’ve had it witchu.  I’m getting out of this car!”  She will take him home AFTER the meeting.  “I TOLD YOU I’M NOT GOING TO A MEETING!!!” he shouts, and grabs the wheel of her car!  They swerve all over the road.  Chris is walking out of a drug store, the headlights shine in her face, the tires squeal…and THUD!!!!  Uh-oh.  Nikki strikes again.

[miamama]

Can I just say how fucking ridiculous it is that all these idiots believe each of them are capable of bashing in a man's head. Summer said she did it; OH MY GOD, we have to protect her. Kevin wrote a stupid fanfic story HE DID IT! Kyle showed up at the party...hmmmmm...OH MY GOD KYLE DID IT! STFU morons. I can't think of anyone in my life that I'd think would just go off and kill someone for the asinine reasons we're being given.

 

They should have followed I Know What You Did Last Summer to the letter. Wasn't it an accident that killed the person in the beginning? This notion that murder is just something rich bored kids do at parties or to get ex girlfriends/sisters back in their lives is so aaaaargh.

[MollyB]

 

Paul yells at her because THEIR JOB is to make sure they charge the RIGHT PERSON with a crime.

Ooooou.  Words to come back and haunt you, Paulie!

 

Great recap, Peach-you nailed it, as always!

[movinon]

 

They stare at each other and then start making out again and tearing off clothes.  Wow, complete love scene in front of the fireplace.  These two are pretty hot together, too bad they killed him off.  Maybe Victor has an extra Austin someplace.

Maybe Victor has a extra everybody someplace.  People keep saying maybe Austin has a twin - I just think he seems more real now that he's not just propping Summer in every scene.  This would have made a very good story, if he was alive, but with him gone, it doesn't really matter.  It's the first time I've been remotely interested in Austin or Abby.  Great re-cap, peach - Thanks.

Edited March 6, 2015 by movinon