Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

[peacheslatour]

Tue, Mar 24   Where's Your Hate?

 

Paul moons over a photo of Christine in his office.  She walks in and complains that even with Neil’s full confession there are still problems with the case.  What, that the VICTIM is prosecuting it?  Chris says the judge will throw out the whole case if Nikki and Victor get their way! 

 

Victor and Nikki are at the station with Neil, where Victor offers him an attorney, but Neil says that won’t be necessary.  This is Neil’s world and Nikki was just driving in it.  Victor says if he changes his mind, just call him.  Neil leaves, and Victor tells Nikki to LET Neil take responsibility for himself.

 

Paul comes out and apologizes to Nikki for being so quick to think she’d intentionally hurt Chris.  Chris snorts.  WHY is he apologizing for this lying liar who covered for the man who cost them their baby?!  She’s charging Nikki with obstruction!  She’s gonna pay for what she did!  Victor will not allow a witch hunt!  HE WILL NOT ALLOW IT!  He will have his lawyers throw out the charges, IS THAT CLEAR?!  Chris fumes.  Nobody will ever let her prosecute anybody!!

 

Lily and Devon are at the club discussing Neil making bail.   She couldn’t be there since she has to do all the work now that Cane ran away to Chancellor, and Kelly ran away to the Arabian desert.  She notices Hilary hovering in the background.  “Ugh, the cockroach is here.”  Hilary pretends to be super nasty about Neil being a baby killing drunk, and she sure hopes they found a dream team of lawyers to get him out THIS one.  They bicker about Hilary not wanting anything to affect her divorce settlement. 

 

Lauren is trying to sexy surprise Michael in his office, and accidentally surprises Cane instead.  Now they’re both surprised.   Comedic  embarrassment!  Poor Cane, he remembers sexy surprises.  It’s all over now that Hilary and Devon ruined everything.  Lauren says that isn’t true.  Blah blah.  Cane kindly sympathizes with Lauren about coping with spouse cancer, which she could really use about now.  She tears up, and Michael walks in and accuses them of sadness.   They were just passing time, but she’ll excuse them to talk business for a minute.  Cane wants Michael to look at his contract and find out if he’s locked into being Number Two at Chancellor, or if he can take over the company for himself from his pseudo mom.

 

Phyllis tells Jack she has a bad, bad feeling about Kelly running loose.  She’s capable of anything.   Trust JACK.  The last thing Kelly wants is to go to prison.  Phyllis says a woman like that doesn’t just give up and walk away, and neither does Victor.  He’s after something, and they’re working together.  They need to be ready for them!  Jack is doubtful, and says Kelly’s in no shape to follow Victor’s orders.  Phyllis didn’t hear her pathetic voice that he fell for.  He’s got private investigators trying to track her down…before she hurts herself.

 

Neil shows back up to talk to Chris and Paul alone, without an attorney present.  Good idea.  But Chris doesn’t care how much he talks, he’s up against criminal charges, plus she’s going to file a civil suit against Neil AND Nikki for everything they’re worth!!  It’s only fair after what they took from her!  Hilary has crept around the corner and is listening. 

 

Lily and Devon worry Neil won’t even fight for himself right now, with all his guilt.  Devon knows someone who will, but Neil won’t like it.

 

Hey, it's GHOST JOHN!!  Long time, no see!  He visits sad sack Jack.  Jack and Ghost Dad discuss the whole Phyllis-Kelly fiasco.  Jack feels super guilty for causing her downfall, and he wants to help Kelly before it’s too late!

 

Phyllis shows up at the ranch and asks Victor why the hell he offered to buy Jabot?  For profit!  Jabot’s doing so great he wants to acquire it.  Phyllis says Jack will never give up Jabot, not after it took him years to get it back after going public.  Victor says that’s JackAbbott’s fault, for taking that company public against John’s wishes!  He nearly killed John!  NO, Phyllis says what nearly killed him was Victor buying enough shares to take control.  Why would he do that to a man he respected?  Hey, man, business is business.  But John was ten times the man that Jack will ever be! 

 

Phyllis accuses Victor of hating Jack for not “measuring up” and she wonders why he even bothered to save his life in the building collapse.  Just so he could annihilate him himself?!  Most likely.  Nikki tells Phyllis to shut it after Victor gave her a place to live and helped her out when she was pissed at Jack her own damn self.  “How do you have the audacity to come here and give me a lecture?” says Victor.  He knows she’s overwrought from the enormous stress of the past few years, but he saved her damnlife!  Well, that’s why SHE is so damnangry that he’s trying to take it away from her now!  He was supposed to be working with Jack to lock up Kelly Andrews, and now he’s set her loose?!  She bets he knows where Kelly is right now.  He DOES!

 

Cane explains to Michael that he only accepted the Number Two job because Colin was blackmailing him over Devon and Hilary.  Now that the secret’s out, he doesn’t want to stick to that bullshit.  Michael asks if Cane forgot that Jill is his SISTER-IN-LAW?  No, but the thing is, Cane likes being Number One.  He likes it a lot, and he has a lot of ambition. Oh, well why didn’t he just say so?  Also, Cane likes Chancellor a lot, too.  And he doesn’t think Jill can handle running Chancellor AND a dress shop at the same time.   Fenmore’s pulls her away from Chancellor, and the employees are all rudderless these days, running to poor, little, powerless Number Two Cane.

 

If that’s the problem, Michael says Lauren can run Fenmore’s by herself like she used to.  Come now, Michael, not with this disease you have.  Jill wants to take the burden off Lauren right now, so just turn Chancellor over to Cane to help everybody out.  Uh-oh, you really stepped in it now, Cane.  “This disease?” sneers Michael.

 

Neil isn’t surprised Chris wants to file a suit.  He gives her a super sincere apology for what he’s done, hoping he can give her some sense of closure.  Paul appreciates it, but Christine will never ever forgive him.  She introduces the Barnaby the ADA who will be nailing his ass to the wall for her.  Okay, then.  (BARNABY??)

 

Neil leaves, and Hilary catches him in the hallway where she was listening.   She tries to convince him she can help keep him from getting convicted.  She can testify that he’s just taking the fall for Nikki because he said he has nothing to live for since she ruined his life.  He thinks she just wants to protect her divorce settlement.  Neil says it’s almost worth losing every cent he’s got to make sure SHE ends up with nothing, zero, zilch!  Almost.

 

Michael sarcastically shreds Cane for daring to mention MICHAEL’S cancer.  MICHAEL’S cancer is none of Cane’s business.  Just because LILY had cancer doesn’t mean they’re going to chat about MICHAEL’S cancer.  It’s MICHAEL’S.  Cane apologizes for offending him, since he just wanted to [manipulate] help. Michael apologizes for his radiation induced crankiness, and Cane leaves.

 

Jack tells Ghost Dad that if Kelly hurts herself, everyone will think she just self-destructed, but he will know he helped cause it.  Ghost Dad disappears. 

 

Victor tells Phyllis that Kelly Andrews is DEAD.  She killed herself, and of course, Victor would be the first one in the loop on that.  Phyllis wants proof. 

 

The ADA tells Chris that Neil gave a full confession without an attorney present, which makes this the easiest case he ever had.  He leaves, and Chris says he’s the best and is going to destroy Neil.  “Wasn’t one life enough?” asks Paul.  All this hate and rage won’t bring their baby back.  “Where’s YOUR hate?  Where’s YOUR rage?!” demands Chris.  Maybe Paul doesn’t care because he already HAS children so this one is no big deal.  Paul’s like, oof!  He wanted this baby because it was HERS!  He’s super grateful he got a second chance to be with her, and he cries about how happy he was about the baby.  So DO NOT tell him their daughter meant less to him.  Chris breaks down and tells him she can’t have any more children because of the accident.  They cry.

 

Lauren comes back to Michael’s office to flirt and be sexy, but Michael treats her like crap again, and says he can’t pretend anymore.   He says he’s tried, but he just can’t do it.  Remember all those times Michael tried to be positive and rational?  Me neither.  He leaves Lauren in his office so he can go wallow in self-pity and bitterness somewhere.

 

Neil gets to the club, and Lily introduces his mystery attorney.  IT’S LESLIE!!!  YAY!  The only person with a brain is back!  She took a job with Legal Aid instead of the ADA’s office, but she left straightaway to help him out.  Well, Neil can handle things himself, thanks.  Leslie points out that 2nd degree reckless homicide carries 25 years in prison, so have a seat, buddy.

 

Cane figures if he can’t use cancer to get his company back, it could at least get him his bed back.  He schmoozes Lily about how her cancer makes him just watch her sleep and breathe, so can he come back in the bedroom already?

 

Nikki demands to know what Victor really has up his sleeve concerning Jabot.

 

Phyllis comes home and she’s really sorry about the news she has for Jack.  He was right to be worried about Kelly.  And here's a picture of her in a big, manila envelope.  He grabs the envelope and pulls out a black and white photo from the county morgue of cold, dead Kelly.  Abu Dhabi county?  Jack is stunned, and Phyllis tries not to gloat too much.

 

Leslie tells Neil to forget about all his relationship drama and decide if he wants to spend the rest of his life in a cold, cramped cell.  Devon lectures him about Moses and the grandkids.  Let this woman fight for him like no one else will!  OKAY.  He’ll do it for his children, but NOT FOR DEVON. 

 

Hilary sees ADA Barnaby at Crimson Lights and decides to use her evil vixen powers for “good.”  She pretends to bump into him and then turrrrns on the charm.  Barnaby digs it.  A lot.

 

Phyllis tells Jack he did nothing wrong.   It’s not his fault.  She offers to leave him alone, and goes upstairs, while poor, crushed Jack looks into the distance with tears in his eyes.  Aw man, sad Jack is giving me feelz. 

 

Victor tells Nikki, ”There will come a day when JackAbbott will come to me for help…and I’ll give it to him.  In exchange for everything he owns.”  Sounds fair.

Oh peach, yours is a thankless task.  But believe me when I say, we all thank you.  *smooch*

Oops, didn't mean to quote the whole post, just so impressed!

[movinon]

 

Chris says he’s the best and is going to destroy Neil.  “Wasn’t one life enough?” asks Paul.  All this hate and rage won’t bring their baby back.  “Where’s YOUR hate?  Where’s YOUR rage?!” demands Chris.

Just maybe, the bug should stop and think that the whole world isn't made up of angry, vengeful, hateful people like herself.  It's possible to feel hurt and pain without wanting to destroy the universe.  Paul may be an idiot, but he is at least human.  I'd rather be stranded on a desert island with Pee-Wee Herman than with this spiteful witch.  To me, she represents everything ugly in women, and it should not be mistaken for strength of character. 

 

Edited to say, Thanks, Peach - great recap.

Edited March 29, 2015 by movinon

[NinjaPenguins]

 

Cane wants Michael to look at his contract and find out if he’s locked into being Number Two at Chancellor

Cane gives a daily master class on how to be a big, steaming Number Two. It is his destiny.

 

Excellent work, as usual, peach.

[peach]

Cane gives a daily master class on how to be a big, steaming Number Two. It is his destiny.

 

Excellent work, as usual, peach.

Ha!  Wish I'd thought of that!  Yeah, Cane is definitely Number Two, especially after that display of scheming.  But, I mean, he LIKES being in charge, so just let him.

[peach]

Wed,  Mar 25   Backwards Day

 

Victoria and Nick drink coffee in the mostly rebuilt club.  Nick actually WANTS to keep the same look of the place, but he’s totally upgrading the lights and speakers.  Wow, go all out, Joe Millionaire.  He’s really excited about job the workmen are doing!  Victoria says it looks amazing, not that long ago this place was just a pile of rubble.  And then it collapsed. 

 

Nick says he finally has a legit contractor that doesn’t cut corners, while rebuilding the entire structure in two weeks!  Gullible much?   But Vicky’s distracted.  Victor’s planning some kind of move against Jack.  And it’s big.

 

Jack and Phyllis have breakfast at the athletic club, and Jack mopes about dead Kelly.  Phyllis understands, but Kelly’s been a shadow over them ever since Phyllis woke up, and she still is.  Geez, Phyllis, her body isn’t even cold yet.  Jack notices happy, smiling, joking Stitch and Abby come downstairs.  I’m not kidding, they are, like, super happy.  Oh, God, Stitch doesn’t know yet, says Jack.  Way to think of that now, bud.  I guess the Abu Dhabi county morgue only sends information to random business moguls and not next of kin. 

 

Jack calls them over.  It’s best Stitch hears this from him.  Kelly’s dead.  Stitch is stunned.  “Whaa—“ he says weakly.   Aww.  Stitch and Abby don’t believe it.  “Your sister took her own life,” says Phyllis.  I’m sure he really appreciates that coming from YOU, Phyllis.

 

Adam and Sage have coffee with That K-Mart Girl at the mansion.  Chelsea has a meeting with a buyer in Lacrosse, and OMG, Gabe has a meeting with the same guy next week!  How about they both go today!  Gabe thinks they’ll be dynamite together.  They’re more like stale toast, but, sure, she’d love to.

 

Billy is excited to hear from Ashley that stores are already reordering Hex.  It’s flying off the shelves!  Women are finding out that the rapiness is not just hype!  Billy’s so proud of her.  He talks fancy wedding plans, but unenthused Ashley asks if he’s really just tying the knot so quick so he can put Victoria behind him.   Ugh, what’s with Ashley’s doubts?  He’s sick of Jack and Ashley second guessing him left and right.  He loves Chelsea, isn’t that a good enough reason to tie your assets up with someone else?

 

Sage tries to derail Adam’s road trip plan, but sweetheart, you don’t understand their industry, okay?  Chelsea asks Adam to pick her up at the office later, and Adam admits to Sage he planned a surprise for Chelsea.  They bicker about Adam using stunts and trickery to win Chelsea away from Billy, and Sage pouts about Adam not even being CLOSE to the real Gabriel Bingham.  Why does Sage care WHAT Adam does?

 

Stitch doesn’t believe Kelly would kill herself.  Where are they getting this??   Jack says Kelly fled the country, and Victor sent one of his minions to follow her.   Stitch thinks that’s ridiculous!  Who flies all the way to Abu Dhabi when they have perfectly tall buildings to jump off of here.  Phyllis tells him they didn’t believe it either, not until they saw the picture.  If there’s proof, Stitch wants to see it, dammit!  Oh, Phyllis has it right here.  I always take suicide photos to breakfast. 

 

Stitch angrily takes the envelope and pulls out the photo.  He breaks down in tears.  How…how did she do it?  Jack says it was an overdose of pills.  It wasn’t an accident because she left a note.  Jack says he’s so sorry.  Stitch is pissed.  “Oh, you’re sorry?  That’s what you have to say??”

 

Victoria tells Nick about how Victor pulled the plug on Brash’n’Sassy, and now wants her to find the hidden weakness in Jabot so he can take it over.  Nick says that ship has sailed.  Right, but he wants to eradicate Jack again.  Nick is so happy he got out of Newman when he did.  Otherwise he’d have to do all this working stuff.  Abby calls Victoria and tells her to get the club immediately.  Stitch needs her.

 

“Do you think I WANT your sympathy?” Stitch snaps at Jack.  “You drove my sister to her DEATH!”  Phyllis thinks it’s appropriate to tell Stitch that he’s in shock, but his sister struggled with some serious issues.  “Yeah, Kelly had some issues, and YOU were two of them,” he says.  “Everyone she ever loved either died or left her.”  And Jack just picked her up and tossed her away.  Phyllis defends her side of things, but Jack says to just let Stitch do the talking, because Jack is sensitive like that.  Stitch has nothing more to say to either of them!!  Jack understands.  “The HELL you do!” says Stitch.  Jack keeps saying infuriating nice things until Stitch screams ENOUGH!  ENOUGH!  Phyllis smirks and Jack leads her away.  Yeah, Stitch, why ya gotta be so rude? 

 

He falls apart crying, and sad, worried Abby asks what she can do.  What can anyone do?  His sister is dead.  Victoria comes racing in.  She’s so sorry, Stitch, she knew Kelly was troubled, but--   Stitch is furious!! OMG, WHYYYY does everyone keep blaming KELLY?!?   Everyone just used and exploited her!!  “FIRST, your husband, THEN his brother!”  Stitch angrily turns away.  Victoria’s mouth hangs open.

 

Ashley pretends she’ll be happy for Billy and Chelsea.  Chelsea gets there to pick up her portfolio before she heads off to her meeting in Lacrosse.  Ummm, wait, how is she going to be back in time for their appointment at the wedding venue??  Ohh, was that today?

 

Sage bitches and complains that Adam has Gabriel’s face, but he’s NOTHING like him!  Probably because he’s a random crash victim you pulled out of a river.  But Gabe was SOOO much better than Adam because he just broke hearts by frivolously falling out of love with all his many women, not using malice or trickery like the evil Adam Newman.  Adam’s sick of the glories of St. Gabriel.  And he does have one clear advantage over him, he’s ALIVE, and her beloved St. Gabriel’s dead and gone.  SMACK!  Sage slaps his face!

 

Victoria left, because she’s super supportive.  Stitch sits with Abby at the bar, and he feels bad about being an ass to Vicky.  He thinks maybe he shouldn’t be around people right now.  Abby understands, buuuut, um, he’s supposed to be her bodyguard right now. No personal days off, or anything.  Abby comforts him while he cries about not even being able to protect his own sister.  He wishes to God she never went to that grief support group, and wouldn’t have met Billy or ANY of the Abbotts.  Then Kelly might be here now.  Abby says he has every right to act as badly as he wants to in his grief, but if he’s going to be mad, be sure he knows who he’s REALLY mad at.

 

Ashley says clearly Billy and Chelsea aren’t on the same page about when to get married.  No, no, no, they just haven’t had time to talk about it.  And this is an important meeting for Chelsea.  He’s not thrilled about her driving with Gabriel, but he’s just gonna have to man up and deal.

 

Sage visits Nick so they can flirt annoyingly about falling buildings that killed people.  Wait, Nick knows that look, what did Gabe do now to poor, wittle Sage?  She doesn’t want to talk about Gabe, and she really doesn’t even want to see his face ever again.  Nick knows she has issues with Bingo, but he’s good at heart.  “That Bingo that you knew from boarding school is gone.  And so is the man I wanted to help,” says Sage darkly.  What does she mean Bingo is gone??  Gone like all your money is going to be gone?

 

Omg, the brilliant and cunning Adam Newman…runs out of gas.  That’s his big plan.  Running out of gas on a country road.  The gas gauge must be broken on this crappy Jabot fleet car.  Chelsea CAN’T be late for this meeting!!  Gabe will figure something out!  Chelsea assures him it’s not his fault.

 

Umm, is this editing on purpose?  Because now Adam’s rubbing his cheek while Sage weeps angrily, and there’s no fuzzy flashback filter.  “Gabe jumped into a river to save your life.  You are a selfish bastard,” says Sage.  Adam appreciates what he did for him, but Sage KNEW Adam had his own agenda when they both agreed that Adam would take his place.  “You?  You could never take his place.  Ever.”   Adam may have his life and inheritance but he will NEVER be the equal of that slacker playboy.  She goes off on Adam for hiding behind Gabe’s face because he’s a coward who didn’t have the guts to take responsibility for killing a little girl. 

 

“You don’t know me, Sage, and you never will.  You can sit here and fantasize about your fake, dead husband, but that’s not gonna bring him back.  Even if he did come back, he wouldn’t want you.  You say he fell in and out of love so easily, but the truth is, he never loved you, did he?  You wanna hit me again?” he finishes sarcastically, walking off.  Sage weeps.  Yeah, a Nick Newman rebound will make that all better.

 

Chelsea tells Billy she thought they were postponing the wedding, therefore the wedding planning.  Well, Billy thought they would still at least go see the place.  Um, okay, she’ll reschedule the buyer’s meeting.  Noooo, business is important, Billy will reschedule instead.  Okay, GREAT!  Now she can go ride to Lacrosse with Gabe!  He doesn’t have a problem with that, does he?  Who, Billy?  No problem at all.  THANKS!  She bounces out.  Ashley doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t have to.

 

I guess the whole show is going in reverse order today.  It's backwards day!  We back up to Victoria telling Stitch she would never blame Kelly.  She knows how much Stitch loved her.  She wishes she could say something to make him feel better.  His sister is lying on a slab in a morgue, Victoria, nothing is going to make him feel better so please stop trying!  Well, Abby called, so Vicky wants to be there for him.  Stitch is like, whatever, he knows how she REALLY felt about Kelly!  She always blamed her for breaking up her marriage, so maybe she’s not the best person to give him sympathy right now. 

 

Vicky doesn’t know what to do.  She says she’ll give him some space, but she really does want to be there for him.  She leaves, and cries in the lobby.  Abby chases after her and says Stitch didn’t really mean it.  Vick’s pretty sure he did, probably because it’s true.  Abby has it all under control, Stitch just needs some time, and she’ll keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.  Victoria snaps that she’s been on the other side of this so she knows how to handle it, okay?  Abby hugs her and gets back to Stitch.  Vicky starts to leave, because she’s generally useless around Stabby, but she lingers long enough to see Abby go to Stitch and gently touch his shoulder.  Hmmm.

 

Phyllis and Jack get home, and she snaps that THEY were Kelly’s victims, not the other way around!  “Please don’t,” says Jack wearily.  Hey, Phyllis doesn’t mean to sound insensitive, BUT, if the woman was so miserable that she wanted out, then it’s her own damn fault.   Jack is disgusted.  It’s not her fault.  And if anyone’s to blame, it’s him.  Phyllis is pissed!  “If you blame yourself for Kelly’s problems one more time, I PROMISE you I will walk out that door and never come back.”  Jack just stares at her like he keeps forgetting that Phyllis is heartless.

 

She dials it back and says she understands that he cared about Kelly once, and she’s TRYING to be sensitive, you guys.  But she’s HAD IT with him wallowing in Kelly guilt.  He’s had 12 hours, so snap out of it.  He didn’t put the pills in her mouth, okay.  The woman is dead!  Is she honestly going to tell Jack that the emotional rollercoaster he put Kelly on wasn’t a determining factor?  Phyllis doesn’t want to hear ANOTHER WORD about how bad Jack feels for choosing Phyllis.  Kelly messed with her in life and now from beyond the grave.  So if he’s going to wail and gnash his teeth, he has to do it alone. 

 

Stitch doesn’t want to hear from Abby much, either.  She doesn’t know him!  She DOES know you, Stitch!  She watched you lash out at the Abbotts and Victoria, but you're really upset…with Kelly.  She gently tells him he’s mad at Kelly for not confiding in him about how bad it was, and for swallowing a handful of pills instead of letting him pull her back from the brink.  And for making the ultimate decision.  Stitch listens thoughtfully.  Omg, Abby’s right.  Kelly was all the family he had left.  WHY wouldn’t she come to him?  WHY didn’t she let him help?? 

 

Victoria sits at home and weeps, and Billy startles her.  Omg, is everything okay? She sadly tells him Kelly killed herself.  Billy’s blown away.  He feels super bad.  “Poor girl…her life was just so tragic.”  Victoria cries harder because poor Stitch is taking this so hard.  Billy says it’s really generous of Victoria to care about other people after what happened with Kelly. 

 

Vicky is genuinely sorrowful and says nobody should suffer so much that they take their own life.  Kelly was a friend to Billy when he needed one, and she is grateful for that.  Billy says she always knows the right thing to say.  Yeah, right.  She didn’t know how to comfort Billy when DeeDee died, any more than she knows what to say to Ben now.  No wonder she’s so upset.  Stitch is totally going to cheat on her now.  Wasn’t it nice of Victor and Kelly to cause everyone so much pain?  Just because they’re both obsessed with Jack?

 

Whaddayaknow, Gabe likes the same kind of energy bars that Adam was addicted to.  Chelsea thinks they taste like sawdust.  They remark on the beautiful, quiet countryside.  Do you think Adam’s going to yawn and stretch his arm around her?  Chelsea says the Wisconsin countryside reminds her of Kansas.  Hahaha.  Sooo similar.  She tells him about her weddings to Adam, and gets all choked up.  Gabe asks her what it was she loved so much about Adam, since it seems like everyone else hated him.

 

Sage complains about what a dick Gabe is these days, and she wants a drink and a dance.  Well, they might not be open yet, but Nick’s got some whiskey lying about.  And the boss thinks he should definitely dance with the help.  So they pretend to dance.  They slow dance around with no music, isn’t that so funny, you guys.  They kiss.  Who cares?

 

Jack begs Phyllis not to leave him.  She left him once and it broke his heart in two.  He doesn’t want to feel the way he’s feeling. He doesn’t regret the choice he made to be with HER.  Whatever part he played in what happened to Kelly doesn’t have anything to do with how he feels about HER.  So cut the guy some slack, already.

 

Stitch spills the family story to Abby, about how Kelly thought he killed their father, and that’s why she hated him.  And why he wasn’t there for her with Sam, because he chose to perpetuate his mother’s lies.  He wishes he could go back and change so many things.  He’s really torn to pieces now, and it’s so sad, that Abby’s feeling crushed for him.  She helps him away from the bar, and Ashley has come in and SEES.  She doesn’t like it.

 

Billy tells Victoria that the only reason couldn’t get through to him when Delia died, was because he wouldn’t let her.  It was his fault.  And he knew deep down inside how much he needed her.  He’s sure Stitch needs her, too.  Vicky says it sure didn’t seem that way.  Everything she said just felt so wrong.  “I can’t talk to him the way I talk to you,” she wails.  She’s still trying to figure him out.  Billy admits it’s the exact same way with Chelsea.  They stare at each other.  Okay, you two, you finally sold it to me.

 

Chelsea talks about how intense Adam was…and to have all that intense energy focused all on her was pretty awesome.  She never doubted for one second she was the most important person in the world to him.  She and Connor completed him.  And she really felt she had the potential to fix him, and that’s always the magic ingredient, eh?  Adam asks if she thinks that’s possible to fix another person.  Well, she thought she had a lifetime to try.  Sometimes she feels like she’s cheating on him with Billy.  She KNOWS Adam wouldn’t approve.  It might sound crazy, but sometimes she feels like he’s still here…watching.  “He is here,” says Adam.  Pleeeeaaaase, tell her and get it OVER WITH!

[movinon]

 

Wasn’t it nice of Victor and Kelly to cause everyone so much pain?  Just because they’re both obsessed with Jack?

Yes it certainly was - but what should we expect from the two nicest people on the show?  They have a lot of company at the center of the pain machine, and make sure we keep Cricket, Devon, and Summer in the mix.  Another great recap, as usual, Peach.

 

Edited to say I could add more, but they know who they are.

Edited March 29, 2015 by movinon

[MollyB]

Great recap, as usual.  Thanks for explaining the editing-I thought I was having acid flashbacks or a stroke or something. 

 

 

Nick actually WANTS to keep the same look of the place, but he’s totally upgrading the lights and speakers.  Wow, go all out, Joe Millionaire.

This season's first episode of Archer-quick call John Taffer!

 

 

Vicky doesn’t know what to do.

Keep trying to learn to open a box.

 

 

Chelsea has a meeting with a buyer in Lacrosse,

I'm on the last season of Mad Men, and I learned it would make more sense for the buyer to come to GC and be wooed and inebriated by the Jabot team.  Actually, in the age of hi-def cameras and computers, couldn't this be done on line?  My whole thing with Chelz is this high-powered business woman persona that doesn't have any backstory to support it.  (Aint buying the repurposing thrift store garments to high fashion in between ripping people off.  And I know, I know- #1/#2 Cane doesn't have any credibility either).  Chelz makes more sense and becomes rootable when Anita is on deck reminding us that they were grifters.  I need that contrast to appreciate the work it took to rise above it-without Anita, Chelz just looks like a poorly drawn Cinderella character-very uncomfortable in the old money world of the Abbots.  Even Billy treats her as if she doesn't understand the social world she's in by scheduling a meeting at a wedding venue that "is so hard to get-you have to book months in advance" -Ashely-  Gah, everybody knows that.  Really, Chelz, how could you schedule a business meeting?

 

I'm wondering if Abu Dabai's Chamber of Commerce has contacted CBS with a cease and desist order for slamming their competency.

 

Also wondering why the staff of GCAC allows so much drama in the bar-between Lily/Cane/Neil/Darvon/Hillary and Kelly's drinking and Stitches Irish Bar Fight part I- there is no way I'd want to eat in that place.  Although the seats are better than at Wrestlemania.

[NinjaPenguins]

 

They stare at each other.  Okay, you two, you finally sold it to me.

It's like a time share sales pitch or an introduction to Amway. Skilled salespeople can make it seem lovely, but soon you're in a hell-spiral of despair and shame. Billy and Victoria are the wooden nickel of relationships.

 

 

Billy says it’s really generous of Victoria to care about other people after what happened with Kelly.

The Newmans are a generous family, even if it's just with hollow words that somehow end up all about them.

 

 

They slow dance around with no music, isn’t that so funny, you guys.

 

Nick has learned to wait to bust out his favorite dance groove, "Yes, we have no bananas" on the ladies.

 

 

Chelsea talks about how intense Adam was…and to have all that intense energy focused all on her was pretty awesome.  She never doubted for one second she was the most important person in the world to him.  She and Connor completed him.

What a narcissistic asshole.

[peach]

Thurs, Mar 26   Tacky And Tawdry

 

Billy and Victoria sit on the couch and lament how hard it is to figure out new partners.  Vicky wants Billy to be happy, but cries because she always thought it would be with her.  I love when Vicky cries over getting exactly what she wanted.  Blah blah, I ruined it, NO, I ruined it.  Etc.  Will Villy ever know anyone the way they know each other?  This conversation leads to Billy holding Victoria’s face in his hand.  But Victoria says they get an A for today because they don’t make out or anything.  Billy says she’s the most supportive person ever, and will be able to help Stitch. He can’t even remember why he came over, but he has to go.  They hug wistfully.

 

Adam predictably doesn’t tell Chelsea who he is, even though she’s a captive audience on a country road, but instead says Adam is with them in spirit.   He mesmerizes her with talk about her super connection with Adam, and how it will never go away.  She tells him to stop.  “You want me to stop speaking the truth because it’s hitting too close to home?”

 

Blah blah.  He pushes way too far with his creepy, nosy conversation until she tries to bail out of the car and have Billy come get her or even walk home!  He grabs her arm and tells her she’s not going anywhere.  She settles down, and Adam apologizes and says he has to get this envy thing in check.  Chelsea says NO ONE would be envious of her marriage to the town villain.  Yeah, but it was intense and passionate.  He says she’s the only one who knows the ugly truth about his unrequited marriage, and that makes her special.  The auto club guy shows up with gas, so it’s time to get out of there.

 

The Scoobies have wisely moved their clubhouse to the Barbie townhouse, and everyone watches Kevin try to uncrypt Sharon’s interview with Austin.  Summer is all worked up because she thinks Sharon said something so awful she was willing to steal the laptop to hide it, or maybe kill for it!  “STAAAHHHP,” says Noah.  Mariah says Summer wants it to be Sharon so badly, she’s drooling over it.  She gets the drooling from her dad. 

 

Kevin can’t open Sharon’s interview, but he did crack a video of AUSTIN talking to the camera.  “I got it.  I hit paydirt.  People, we’re getting a firsthand look at the Newman corruption from someone who would know.  The bitter ex-wife, Sharon Newman,” says Austin with an evil dimple grin.  Noah shakes his head. 

 

Sharon sadly walks into Crimson Lights in an amazing, hot pink, Barbie trench coat.  And I always love her hair parted on the side.  She tells Dylan it just never stops.  Word.  “One more thing that could cost me Faith.  And if Nick ever finds out…”  What happened to Happy Family breakfast?  It’ll be over once Nick knows.  “Oh, Sharon…what did you do?”

 

Sage and Nick kiss in the half built “office” at The Underground.  “Tastes like pity,” says Sage.  Wah, I’m so pathetic, waah.   Blah blah, you’re the greatest and I want to kiss you all the time, is that good enough, you needy girl?  Stop fighting it.

 

Mariah tries to explain to Summer that Sharon gave up dirt on the Newmans, not herself, idiot.  Kevin reminds them that Stitch is also in the mix, because he lied about giving an interview.  So?? That makes him a liar, not a killer.  Sharon’s obviously the deranged killer who wanted to delete her interview.  “Only so your chest-thumping Daddy didn’t go ballistic on her, AGAIN,” says Mariah.  Kevin says it’s a safe bet the dirt was on Nick, so that also makes him a suspect, just sayin.’  WHAT?  It’s NOT Summer’s DAD. 

 

Mariah insists that Sharon has an alibi, she skidded off the road with Faith, and then was at her house with Dylan!  Well, the accident could have been on the way back from the cabin.  Faith could have been asleep in the back seat while 99 lb Sharon played Weekend At Bernie’s with Austin’s body!  Noah’s disgusted by Summer’s obsession with pinning this on Sharon, and he leaves.

 

Sharon explains to Dylan how Nick was hounding her at the time about being a bad mother.  She was hurt and furious, so she did the interview with Austin and said terrible things about Nick.  No one has seen it, but it could come out!  She weeps over losing the progress they’ve made.  I mean, Nick lets her drink coffee with him now!  Dylan thinks Sharon should tell Nick about it herself.  She needs to handle this head on because the worst part is always the secret.  He’ll even come with her.  Sharon says this is too sensitive, and it has to be private.  She will go and tell Nick right now!

 

Sage doesn’t want to fight it anymore.  So Nick can go ahead and kiss her, and take her clothes off so they can also do it on the dirty Underground floor.  Call me a prude, but she hasn’t even been on a date with this clod.

 

Summer is like a whiny dog with a bone about Sharon being the killer.  Mariah argues with Summer about being nice vs being honest.  Summer thinks you can be both.  Ohh, like Austin was so nice, when he was really trashing her family behind her back? 

 

Summer has a FAKE FLASHBACK!  She and Austin are folding laundry.  Ha.  Summer explains how her Dad is really more of the Anti-Newman.  He’s never wanted being a Newman to define him.  He’s always wanted to be his own man across the driveway.  Austin figures being a Newman doesn’t suck, though.  Surely he’s used his name to get out of jam.  What?  Nick’s always warned Summer and Noah against pulling the “don’t you know who I am?” kind of stuff.  She doesn’t think he’d ever do that himself.

 

I just can’t even with this flashback.  I CANNOT.   I mean, do I even need to point out how PATENTLY UNTRUE all of that was?!  I could write ten pages of why that is NOT TRUE, starting with Summer folding clothes.  Oh, good, flashback’s over. 

 

Summer heavy sighs and frowns.   Mariah notices.  “Oh, please don’t tell me you’re gonna cry.”  Thank God, no.  Summer just remembers something.  Austin was asking questions about if Nick ever played the Newman card to get out of trouble.  AH HA!  Mariah says Nick covered up a dirty deed, and Sharon knew about it!  Something someone might be willing to kill for.

 

Sage and Nick have pillow talk on a dirty dropcloth, which I guess makes it dropcloth talk.  Kissy kissy.  Sharon bursts in, because they need to---  AACK!  Sage waves at her from the floor.  Classy.

 

Noah goes to Crimson Lights to talk to Dylan about Valentine’s night when Sharon skidded off the road.  Dylan admits Sharon was “not okay” because she was so worried about Nick coming down on her for taking Faith out in the snow.  And she was right, he totally was the jerk she expected him to be, so she was a little freaked out.  HOW freaked out?  Is Noah trying to find out if she was off her meds?? Ummm, yes.

 

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” shouts Sharon.  She came there to talk to Nick like an adult, but he’s too busy acting like a teenager to even find a bed!  Sage grabs her stuff so she can get out of there.  “Not because of this,” Nick says to her.  “OH, I’m just a THIS now??” snaps Sharon.  Nick says they can talk later.  “In between sex sessions?  WHEN will you find the time?!”   Go, Sharon.  lol

 

Sage’s mouth is hanging open, but all I can say is, look closely at your future, when one day you’ll  be yelling at hounddog Nick.  Sage is offended at the moment, however, and says she really IS going.  They have time for some moony eyes first, and for her to stroke his chest before she runs out clutching her clothes to her chest. 

 

Nick says Sharon has no business showing up here acting like this.  She points at him.  “You remember this day, Nicholas Newman!  Of all the times you have dragged me to court, called me an unfit mother, taken my child away from me...  So smug and self-righteous…while YOU sleep with a MARRIED WOMAN!!”

 

Nick puts his shirt on and says what he does, and who he does it with, is none of her business.  “And yet, everything I do, or think, or feel, sends you running to a judge to whine!”  cries Sharon.  Nick doesn’t want to run to any judges right now, since he already won, so he just wants to move on.  So does Sharon, but they know things about each other, Nick, things no one else knows.  That and their kids creates a special bond. 

 

Nick asks if this some kind of pitch to get back together, cuz they’re not.  Even Sharon thinks that’s gross right now.  “God, the EGO on you!”  She’s there because there’s something he needs to know.  “What did you do now?” asks Nick.  “Oh, what did I do?  As if I’m the only guilty party in the room??”  Nick says, oh, so she’s back to him and Sage?  Ugh, Sharon doesn’t CARE.  “Yeah, what you did today was tacky, and it was tawdry.  But it was NOTHING by comparison to…”  To what?  Sharon shakes her head.  Nick’s shown her where his priorities are.  “Thank you for reminding me this is YOUR problem, NOT mine.”  She stomps out.

 

Noah comes back to the Barbie Townhouse to report that Dylan thinks maybe Sharon was acting like she was off her meds.  So what, says Mariah, that doesn’t make her homicidal.  OH EM GEE, Sharon put Summer’s mom in a COMA when she was off her meds!  She’s fully capable of bodily harm!  Not the person who hid a bloody murder weapon.  Which, seriously, why would Summer have hidden the murder weapon if SHARON did it? 

 

Mariah says this is SO STUPID.  Shut up about Sharon until they see the video!  Noah says have to find out who is doing all this stuff.   Kevin says they’re being stalked.  Somebody out there knows way too much about them, while they knowing nothing about them, or what their end game is.  He doesn’t want to end up like Austin, because his life has sucked up til this point, and he’s not ready to die.

 

Billy comes home to find Chelsea at home.  She tells him about Gabe’s Jabot car breaking down on a country road, so they had a nice chat about Adam while they waited for a tow truck.

 

Adam catches up with Sage at Crimson Lights.  He’s super excited that Chelsea feels like she’s cheating on him with Billy sometimes.  And what is Sage’s weirdness about?  He tries not to puke in his mouth when she blurts out she totally DID IT with Nick, and it was INCREDIBLE.  I have to remind myself that Sage has spent a lot of time trapped in a castle.  “Wow, I was gone almost two whole hours before you sealed the deal with my brother,” he says, making a face.  “Nice discretion.” 

 

Oh, they sealed it all right.  She tells him she’s happy in her afterglow while he’s all thwarted desire, but this is how romance on dirty bar floors is supposed to work. “No lies, no trickery, no hiding your actual identity,” because it’s not like she’s tricking Nick about the VERY SAME THING or anything.   So is she planning on throwing her inheritance away?  No, he should go worry about his widow, and she’ll be fine.

 

Chelsea explains how she couldn’t help talking about Adam, because the rolling, green, wooded hills reminded her so much of the flat plains of Kansas.  And it’s easy to talk to Gabe about Adam, because he doesn’t have all that weirdness about it that Billy's always bothered by, since Adam didn’t kill Gabe’s kid.  Gabe did get all worked up about his own bizarre marriage, though.  But he had a flash of Adam’s…tone.  It reminded her that Billy’s tone is what she wants to spend the rest of her life with.  So does he want to check out the wedding venue now??  Ummmm…not so much.

 

Stupid Girl comes to visit her Dad at The Underground.  Good thing she didn’t get there earlier.  Poor Summer thinks about Austin all the time.  “Doing something awful doesn’t make someone an awful person, does it?” she asks.  No, unless you’re Sharon.  “Regret, that counts for a lot, right?”  Sure, unless you’re Sharon.  So, then Nick’s felt regret?  Nick thinks he knows what this is about.

 

Sharon gets home and sees a card Faith made for Nick.  She’s so ticked off, she starts tearing it up!  Dylan walks in.  How’d it go with Nick?  So good that she’s tearing up a card from her sweet daughter to her father,she cries.  “Once again, you’re catching me at my worst.   Or maybe that’s all that’s left of me now.”  So Nick didn’t take it well?  She didn’t tell him!  “I went to The Underground with the best of intentions, only it was a little bit awkward, because he had just finished having sex with Sage!!” …Oh, says Dylan. 

 

Sharon  went to talk to him like a responsible parent, and found him interviewing her replacement half naked!!  Dylan assures her she could never be replaced.  Sharon stares at him.  What’s with his tone?  “AM I SPINNING OUT?!”  Well, ummm, she is talking kind of fast and her eyes are glassy…  GASP!!!  She stares in horror at the mirror.  There’s a lipstick message!  I KNOW THE TRUTH AND SO DO YOU.

 

While Sharon was spinning out, Billy told Chelsea about Kelly killing herself.  “Poor Stitch!  Thank God he has Victoria to help him through this.”  Yeaaah, but Vicky hated Kelly, so she doesn’t know how.   Billy says he owes Vicky some help because it’s his fault that this is an issue.  Chelsea says Vicky’s lucky she can talk to Billy.  He says Chelsea can always talk to him, too...about Adam.  Sure.  The past is always with them, says Chelsea.  Blended families are common but not simple.  Blah blah they love each other, past and present.  They hug, but doubt.

 

Sage feels good enough that she’s all Team Chadam now.  She thinks he should use this to go cry on Chelsea’s shoulder and even tell her Sage is sleeping with Nick Newman for sympathy.  Beg her for a reason to love again.

 

It really bothers Nick to think Summer is blaming HERSELF.  They’ll never know what kind of person Austin was inside, even if stalking and kidnapping was a clue, but Summer is honest and wonderful and has nothing to be ashamed of.  Summer fishes around one more time, because she thought maybe Nick had done something…?  “I have a million things I’ve done that I’m ashamed of.  At least people think so.”  <peach guffaws> Omg, don’t ever change, Nick.  Anyway, doing things that other people think you should be ashamed of is what makes you human.  Hurting people who hurt you back.  Then we put the past where it belongs, behind us.  Great pep talk.

 

Well, Kevin’s managed to work out one thing.  According to time stamps, the time while they were passed out and Austin was murdered was the time someone deleted all the evidence off the computer.  So that clears all of them.  Um, not if one of you wasn’t really passed out.  Or if it was Kyle, for crying out loud.  It obviously wouldn’t be Sharon, because she was trying to get her hands on the laptop just yesterday.

 

Meanwhile, Sharon is frantically wiping the lipstick off her mirror.  “No, no, no, no, no, no!”  Dylan asks why someone would do this?  “Mental torture!  Psychological warfare!  They want me to be afraid and anxious.  To suffer and be punished!”  Dylan asks how they could have gotten past security?  RANCH security??  Sharon doesn’t know but they broke into her house!  Dylan looks around doubtfully.  Sharon stares.  “Do you think it was me?  Do you think I wrote that?”

[photo fox]

Sage doesn’t want to fight it anymore. So Nick can go ahead and kiss her, and take her clothes off so they can also do it on the dirty Underground floor. Call me a prude, but she hasn’t even been on a date with this clod.

Yeah, seriously. I mean, hook up with him if you want, but I just can't with her protestations that she and Caveman have some real relationship. They've had a few stilted interactions at the knockoff Starbucks, and some other awkward conversations with Faith. Have they ever even been alone together before? Not counting the building collapse. GMAFB.

[Snaporaz]

I'm so confused by this show anymore. I really can't tell if the absolute lack of self-awareness displayed by many characters is intentional, especially considering that these are the same characters who are the "heroes" of the show. Sharon is one of the few making sense right now, yet they're painting her as three steps away from a straight-jacket.

I can usually recognize when I'm being manipulated to feel one way or another about certain characters, and I'll often go along for that ride. But for a while now, I.just.can't.

[ByTor]

Yeah, seriously. I mean, hook up with him if you want, but I just can't with her protestations that she and Caveman have some real relationship. They've had a few stilted interactions at the knockoff Starbucks, and some other awkward conversations with Faith. Have they ever even been alone together before? Not counting the building collapse. GMAFB.

Yes, but don't forget...Sage might have mentioned one or two times that Nick has experienced he silk panties.

[movinon]

 

Stupid Girl comes to visit her Dad at The Underground.  Good thing she didn’t get there earlier.

I wish she had been there in time to see Nick and Sage on the drop-cloths.  Remember, when she saw Phyllis and Ronan on the couch inside a private residence, she went crazy and killed someone's unborn child.  She's nuts right now anyhow - who knows what she might have done? Jumped off a building?....killed Sage in cold blood?....run naked through the streets?....GASP - told Nick she was disappointed in him?

Edited March 30, 2015 by movinon

[peach]

It would have been better than her amazing detective work. Hey, Dad, have you ever regretted anything, like maybe a secret so terrible you murdered to keep it form getting out?  Sure, honey, let me tell you all about it.

[NinjaPenguins]

Guys, you're missing the romance here. On that cold winter day in the woods, Sage laid eyes on her prince charming and fell so hard she left assprints in the Earth's core. There was Nicholas, sprawled out, bloody, and reeking of booze, ankle snared in the jaws of a bear trap. Sage immediately cottoned to his sound judgement and sophistication; seeing his name written in wet, steaming golden letters in a soft blanket of snow melted her lingering doubts. You can all say that's not beautiful, but I say fie, fie upon you.

[movinon]

Guys, you're missing the romance here. On that cold winter day in the woods, Sage laid eyes on her prince charming and fell so hard she left assprints in the Earth's core. There was Nicholas, sprawled out, bloody, and reeking of booze, ankle snared in the jaws of a bear trap. Sage immediately cottoned to his sound judgement and sophistication; seeing his name written in wet, steaming golden letters in a soft blanket of snow melted her lingering doubts. You can all say that's not beautiful, but I say fie, fie upon you.

LOL - love the "assprints in the Earth's core" - TRULY beautiful...............

[PatsyandEddie]

It would have been better than her amazing detective work. Hey, Dad, have you ever regretted anything, like maybe a secret so terrible you murdered to keep it form getting out?  Sure, honey, let me tell you all about it.

 

Then, because she is so wise for one so young, she quickly concludes that her Dad and Grandpa are incapable of killing anyone so SHARONDIDIT!   Kill me now.

[peach]

Fri, Mar 27   Where Logic Goes To Die

 

Stitch has polished off all the liquor in the mini bar, which will probably run him about $500, while Abby babysits.  He realizes he should probably be kinda sober for bodyguard duty, but Abby gives him a drunk hall pass for the day.  He stumbles into her so they can have a chemistry moment, but then she offers to order him coffee.  You know what he needs??  A shower.  She needs to stay way across the room, though.  The guy who kept his dad’s killer a secret for 20 years blurts out that the last time someone helped him with a shower, he cheated on Victoria.  Hello, YOU WERE ON A BREAK.  Abby frowns considerably.

 

Avery calls Sage looking for Gabe, so she can get some charity papers signed for Joe to take over.  Sage says they’re so thrilled to keep the foundation going.  Chelsea comes in, and they kibbutz about her country road adventure with Gabe.  She just can’t stop talking about that super special Kansas wedding to Adam.  Sage says it’s strange, but she doesn’t glow like that when she’s talking about Billy.

 

Nick happens on Adam/Gabe at Crimson Lights.  How’s it goin’, Gabe?  “You really gonna play it that way?  Just pretend like you didn’t have sex with my wife?”  That was pretty much the plan.

 

Back at the Barbie clubhouse, it creeps out Mariah to be searching through dead Austin’s computer, and think about his head getting bashed in while they were sleeping.  Who knows what else the killer did while they were passed out?  She’s certain it wasn’t Sharon, but she sure wouldn’t put it past Nick.  Summer comes pouting back in.  Her dad is 100% innocent because he didn’t immediately confess to murdering her husband when she asked if he had any regrets in life.  They had a normal, innocent conversation about putting the past in the past.  Kyle points out that’s what a killer would say.  “That criminal would be Sharon,” says Summer.  Noah shakes his head in disgust.  Again.

 

Sharon freaks out over the lipstick message in the cottage.  “Answer me, Dylan.  Do you think I wrote that message to myself?”  Dylan says she has to admit she’s done some wacko things in the past to get Nick’s attention.  “So which is it?  Am I conniving, or am I just completely nuts?  Or do you think that I’m both?”  Awkward.

 

Chelsea says Sage just hasn’t seen her glowing over Billy in the right environment.  Funny that Gabriel said the same thing, though.  He really tapped into her deep connection with Adam.  Sage says her husband is really perceptive like that.  Chelsea says he acted jealous, too, because he wants that connection with Sage.  Sage grimaces, because Gabe makes her skin crawl.  But Chelsea thinks all their furtive looks at each other show they have [a knife in] each other’s backs.   Sage doesn’t need Chelsea’s lame primer on love, okay, she knows what it’s like to fall hard for someone.  Ah,so that’s it, there’s somebody she can’t get over?  Yes, a man whose shoes her husband is trying to fill, but he never will because he’s not a happy, joyful, lazy, fickle, worthless playboy. 

 

Nick’s like, umm, he thought this marriage for the inheritance?  Gabe admits he doesn’t give a damn who his wife sleeps with, but he’d like her to be a little more discreet.   If they get busted, they’ll lose every cent coming to them.  Sooo, he’s not jealous?  Nope.  But he still doesn’t want to see her get hurt, and I think Adam might actually mean that.  “How exactly am I hurting her?” asks Nick.  Well, Gabe knows how his ex, what’s-her-name, feels about it.  “Well, Sharon has some issues,” says Nick.  “Yeah, Sharon has issues, maybe because you unceremoniously dumped her.”  Or so he’s heard.  Nick asks what’s with the attitude?  Is this some grudge from boarding school he doesn’t remember?  No, it’s a grudge FROM BIRTH.  Clever Nick is detecting some hostility.

 

Sharon doesn’t even want Dylan in her house if he’s not going to believe her.  “When did you turn against me like everyone else?”  Whaaat?  He hasn’t.  Well, Sharon isn’t faking danger to get Nick away from Sage!  And she isn’t stalking herself!  She’s taking her meds and seeing her therapist.  “I refuse to be pushed over the edge like I was before.  I don’t care if everyone turns against me, I will remain sane, “ she cries.  “Because I’m not crazy, I’m normal!  Normal people get very upset when someone breaks into their house and leaves a threatening message!!  Please say you believe me.”  Dylan holds her.

 

Okay, Dylan believes her.  But she has to understand why someone would question this because Nick.  Sharon says this has nothing to do with Nick!  “Sharon, it always has to do with Nick!  Even the night of the storm.”  She was really freaked out that Nick would overreact and take Faith from her.  Um, yeah? Does he think she was overreacting?  Welllll, a little bit.  Okay, Sharon will work on that in her next session.  Well, Dylan will be her sounding board until then…if she’s completely open with him.  Is there something else that happened that night?  Nope.  Then she did a good job.  She looks at the lipstick message and tears up.  He’ll stay with her and talk to the police about it.  Hmm, well, time to go Dylan!!  She needs to handle it herself, for like, practice, and because there’s no way in hell she’s calling the police.  Bye, now!  He leaves and texts Noah.

 

Noah tells the Scoobies that Dylan wants to meet and talk.  Summer immediately concludes Dylan doubts Sharon’s state of mind.  Ugggh, Mariah knows she has her issues with Sharon, but she is making all these assumptions with NO PROOF, so back off!  Summer pouts.  Noah leaves, and Kevin admits he’s decrypted Sharon’s interview with Austin. 

 

Gabe says he might be in an arranged marriage, but Sage is still his friend.  So, yeah, she confides her “flings.”  Avery comes in, and Nick introduces them.  Hey, great, she really needed to find him to talk about the Better Days Foundation.  Oh, well, he’s on his way out, but he’d love to make a donation.  She would hope so, since it’s HIS foundation.  Oops.

 

Stitch comes lumbering out of the shower, and Abby starts peppering him with the 5 W’s about his “affair.”  Who, what, when, where, why?!  Ugh, just blame it on the alcohol and forget he said anything.  When he’s living with her SISTER?  He owes her an explanation!  Hey, Stitch just found out his sister is dead, leave him alone!  Look, Abby’s super sorry about Kelly, BUT WHO DID YOU CHEAT WITH?!?!  Look, it was a one time thing…just sex.  “Tomato, tomahto.  Who was this skanky ho-bag?!” snaps Austin’s mistress.   Stitch says she’s in no position to call names.  Fine, give her a real name, because when Abby finds her, she will RIP HER EYES OUT.  “Nooo, you won’t….because she’s your mother.”

 

Sage gushes over that guy she loved, but he died.  Chelsea totally knows how she feels.  Is marrying Billy really Chelsea trying to tell the world she’s ready to let go of the man she loved?  Chelsea hesitates.  She loves Billy.  “But not as much as you loved Adam?”  Ummm, uhhh…something inside her won’t let her completely commit to Billy.  Her love for Adam was just THERE.  She couldn’t stop it…and she still can’t.  And Billy’s okay, I guess.  She waves it off as pre-wedding jitters!  “Or would marrying Billy be a mistake?” she wonders tearfully.  Sage takes her hand.

 

Gabe’s like you know how it is, so many charities, so little time.  Avery won’t let it go, though, his work on the foundation has been pivotal, he’s been to board meetings and everything!  Gabe’s attended hundreds of board meetings, okay, he’s a rich dude.  It doesn’t mean he was paying attention.  He looks at the file.  OH YEAH, the BETTER DAYS Foundation.  Yeah, that’s a good one.  Avery explains that after Constance died,  Joe Clark was approached to restructure the charity.  Nick rolls his eyes.  Avery just needs his signature.  No problem.  X marks the spot, now Gabe has to run. 

 

Avery thinks that was completely weird!  She and Nick talk about how nuts it was that Gabe didn’t even look at anything, but just trusted her and signed it.  Nick's a real business stickler, you guys.  You'd think Gabe would know the name of his own foundation.  Nick doesn’t get it, back in boarding school, when Gabe was FIFTEEN , he was so passionate about causes, but now he only cares about money.   Funny how all his other Gabe stories are about causes like wrecked sailboats and naked fountain jumping, but I guess Gabe was also super altruistic as a child.  And he cares SO much about money he just signed a bunch of documents without looking at them.  But Nick says he’ll do ANYTHING to get his hands on money, unlike Nick who just inherited his without having to marry anyone he didn’t like.  HE’S SURE NOT LIKE THAT GUY IN BOARDING SCHOOL.

 

Noah meets Dylan at Crimson Lights.  Dylan says he doesn’t believe Sharon’s off her meds.  But somebody’s messing with her head again.  She got a threatening message written in lipstick on the mirror.  Noah’s like, OHHH EM GEE!  Dylan even saw it.  It said I KNOW THE TRUTH AND SO DO YOU.  Does that mean anything to Noah?  No, nope, not a thing. Dylan says she won’t report it, because she’s afraid no one will believe her…so he will.  Noah freaks.  NO!

 

Kevin says Noah’s so protective, they should watch the Sharon video without him first, in case it’s really bad.  Here we go.  Sharon faces the camera in her dragonfly chair, and angrily says that Nick may pretend he’s nothing like Victor, but the truth is, he’s no different than anyone else in the Newman family.  They all use their name, influence, money to take whatever they want, and they don’t care who gets hurt.  Promises mean nothing. 

 

“There are dirty dealings that go way back.  Things that the press never even got wind of.  Especially this one thing.  Victor paid a lot of money to cover it up, and it was really awful.  I’m amazed he got away with it.  To this day no one ever found out.  And it wasn’t even Victor’s crime…it was NICK’S!”  Funny how she blabbed that to Austin instead of a custody judge.  The best she could come up with THAT day was that Sage took her pants off.

 

Dylan says the last time someone played head games with Sharon, she ended up in the psych wing.  They need to get to the bottom of this.  Noah says he wants his mom safe, but there is more going on.  Sharon might be safer if the police weren’t involved, because this wasn’t the only message.  Abby got one when she was knocked unconscious.  That’s why Stitch is with Abby at the club.  Dylan asks what this person thinks Sharon and Abby have done.  Noah can’t tell him.  He’s said too much already!!  Just don’t go to the cops!  He runs out.

 

Nick says it must be awkward for Avery to work with her ex-husband.  What does Dylan think?  Avery has come to realize that Dylan will never like Joe.  DUH.  But it’s a worthy cause so who cares.  Random worthy causes are more important than Dylan .  He will be fine.  “We’ll see about that,” says Nick.

 

Chelsea says she’s overthinking everything.  Things will be fine with Billy.  Gabe gets home, and Chelsea awkwardly rushes off.  Adam pouts that he didn’t make headway.  Moody Sage bitches that he DID make headway.  Chelsea’s been reminiscing about Adam and questioning her engagement.   Adam is tickled pink, but Sage is pissed about it because she doesn’t like messing with people’s emotions.  Even though she just did a masterful job of it. 

 

Stitch says he and Ashley agreed not to tell anyone, probably especially Abby, but maybe Ashley didn’t specify.  Abby pieces together the details of Stitch being super wasted + Hex scented lab + shower in Ashley’s office (+ Mom being a sexual predator) = shenanigans.  Victoria has no idea, and Abby can’t tell her!!   It only happened because he thought she got back with Billy, IOW they were on a break!  He’s keeping ABBY’S secret of covering up a freaking murder, so the least she can do is keep her mouth shut about this. 

 

Dylan shows up at the door, so Abby scampers off to the bathroom to listen.  Dylan wants to know what the hell is going on?  He knows Abby got mugged, but what’s the rest of it?  And OMG, is Stitch drunk??  Not anymore, showers magically sober people up.  But Stitch says this is none of his business!  Well, it’s his business now since Sharon get a message like Abby did.  Abby GASPS!

 

Sharon’s feverishly wiping the lipstick off her mirror, when Nick stops by (without calling!).  She’s not in the MOOD, but she took off in the middle of their conversation, and he came by to finish it.  They fight about his “relationship” with a married woman, because Nick is over the jealous and petty true comments.  And if she thinks they are getting back together, she must be off her meds again.  “You are such a HYPOCRITE!  You butt into my life whenever you want, and then you order me to stay the hell out of yours!  How is that fair?” shouts Sharon.  All’s fair if it’s Nick, and he’s protecting their daughter.  “Who are you to question my ability to parent our daughter?  Faith means everything to me, and NO, I AM NOT CRAZY FOR ACTING THIS WAY!” 

 

Nick wants to take it down a notch, but Sharon is distracted by a glimpse of lipstick left on the mirror.  She stops talking and grabs her cloth to start wiping again, totally ignoring him.  Omg, that’s sooo crazy, you guys, you don’t walk off in the middle of a Faith conversation unless it’s to chase some fresh tail.  But Sharon has got to get this OFF.  Nick says she doesn’t seem like herself…so it’s best if she doesn’t see Faith for awhile.  She whirls on him.  “You can’t do that,” she snaps.

 

The Scoobies are still watching Sharon’s video.  “What Nick did would have put any other man in prison.  He still might be rotting behind bars right now if he weren’t a Newman.  Nice, huh?  Bet that won’t end up on the cutting room floor, huh, Austin?”  Wow, says Kevin.  Kyle says that’s a hell of a story about Nick.  If it’s even true, says Summer.  Wait, did Sharon say what the crime was, and we just saw them watching the end??  I’m confused. 

 

Kevin says what if it is true, and Sharon regretted telling Austin, but he wouldn’t delete it.  Kyle says that would give her motive to kill him!  Mariah’s like, umm, it would give Victor or Nick motive, dumbasses.  “What motive?” asks Summer, confused.  HELLO?  They’re the ones with the f’ing secret.  Omg, you’re so stupid, Mariah, Summer’s dad and grandpa are NOT KILLERS, just people who secretly avoided prison for killing.  Kevin points out they were underground The Underground that night.  Kyle says they might have had time?  (You know who had time?  Kyle.)  Summer scoffs. “TIME to get to the cabin and back, in a snowstorm??”  Only Sharon had time for that. 

 

Mariah can’t even with these morons.  They could have PAID someone to do it while people were “seeing them” at the club.  Do they even know how crimes work?  Summer whines that Mariah knows very well that Nick isn’t capable of murder.  He’s way too lazy.  It’s Sharon Sharon Sharon.  Kevin says they’ll have to check this out.   I can’t even with these morons either.  If Sharon killed Austin and deleted the files, WHY did she try to take the laptop at Crimson Lights?  WHY wouldn’t the killer just take the entire laptop in the first place?  WHY am I even THINKING ABOUT THIS?

 

Noah comes back and says Sharon’s in the clear because she got a lipstick message, too.  I KNOW THE TRUTH AND SO DO YOU.  Summer says Sharon’s warped enough to write that message to herself.  Noah says Dylan’s sure she’s NOT off her meds.   Oh, well then, NOT being warped means she totally wrote the message anyway.  Kyle admits HE wrote the message.  GAAAASP!  They all stare at him.  They can’t believe the guy who lurked at the cabin with Austin’s blood in his car wrote the lipstick message!

 

Sage complains about lying to Chelsea.  Adam asks when she grew a conscience?  Sage asks what he thinks will happen when Chelsea finds out who he is?!  Hmm, what will Nick think, I wonder.  Adam is putting all his faith in true love.  But what if it backfires and Chelsea hates him?  Sage can’t be a part of all these lies she invented.  Aaaand it’s sort of too late.  Adam finally realizes being a colossal jerk is counterproductive, so now he asks super sweetly, respectfully, if you will,  if his best buddy Sage will please help him because love.

 

Avery tells Joe on the phone that Gabriel Bingham is a much different in person than on paper.  Because on paper he’s still just a rich guy who gives money to charity.  Then she examines said paper more closely.  Now wait just a darn minute.  Gabriel’s signature isn’t the same as it was before!!!  Wow, that IS pretty shocking that Adam didn’t learn how to forge Gabriel’s signature properly, or that Avery would notice, or even CARE because they just got control of a damn charity.   It’s not even that different.  But, okay, sure.  Super sleuth Avery will be Adam’s undoing.  You know how smart she is when she's wearing glasses.

 

Dylan says Noah told him about the message, and they are REALLY worried about Sharon.   Stitch says none of this makes any sense.  IKR?  Dylan also agrees, and Noah wouldn’t give him enough answers.  And you, Stitch, why didn’t you go to the police with this?!  Abby bursts out of the bathroom.  “I’ll tell you why.  Because if we go to the police, I end up dead!”

 

The Scoobies start yelling at Kyle!  Hey, he only wrote ONE message, just the one to Sharon.  Mariah is outraged!  Hey, Kyle just wanted to ferret her out.  “By TERRIFYING her?!” shouts Mariah.  Noah says Kyle put his mom through HELL!  KAPOW!!  He bashes that smarmy little shit in the mouth!  This guy is tormenting his mom, and she’s INNOCENT!  Summer says maybe not!  Hider of the murder weapon says they found video proof that points right to Sharon.  WTF?  “OR VICTOR!” says Mariah.  Or Nick, adds Kevin.  Poor Noah, basically his whole family.

 

Nick tells Sharon that visitation is at his discretion.  She stares at the mirror, and back at Nick.  Did HE write the message??  Was this his plan all along, to drive her crazy like Victor did??  Nick doesn’t even see a message, so he really does think Sharon needs to talk to her doctor.  “I don’t need a shrink!  I don’t need a straitjacket!  What I NEED is for you to STOP THREATENING TO TAKE MY DAUGHTER AWAY FROM ME!”  Nick says he’s trying to protect her, and he has to keep her AWAY from Sharon.  It seems like NICK needs to stay away from Sharon, and then she’d be fine.  “NO.  You CAN’T.”   The court says he can, and he won’t let Faith see her tomorrow.  Not when she’s acting like this.

 

“IF YOU KEEP FAITH AWAY FROM ME I AM DONE KEEPING YOUR SECRET!  I WILL TELL THE WHOLE WORLD HOW YOU BROKE THAT GIRL’S NECK!!!”  I bet there are literally a dozen times this information would have come in handy before this.

[Foghorn Leghorn]

 

I bet there are literally a dozen times this information would have come in handy before this.

 

Ain't that the truth!!!  F'ing writers!

[peach]

Mon, Mar 30   Where Logic Is Buried So Deep It Will Never See The Light Of Day Again

 

Victor hangs out with Victoria at the club and wonders if she’s truly happy.  Sure, she has three kids and she’s working with him again.  “And Billyboy Abbott is engaged to Chelsea?”  Well, yeah, but she’s moving on with a man he approves of.   Yes, Stitch is a far better choice that that loser, Abbott.  What’s this really about, Dad?

 

Abby tells Dylan if they go to the police, she’ll end up dead.  What does THAT mean?  Um, nothing, she’s just a big drama queen.  Dylan knows they’re hiding something!  He’s not leaving until he gets some answers.  Okay,  the message sender will kill Abby if she goes to the cops.  Noah told Dylan that Sharon’s also in danger.  “Unless she’s the one sending the messages,” says Abby.  Dylan and I squint.  This is getting tiresome.

 

Sharon reminds us that if Nick takes Faith from her, she will tell EVERYONE that he broke that poor girl’s neck!  Nick turns around.  What is she talking about?  “Saundra Allen.  I know what happened to her all those years ago, right here on this ranch.  You took her dreams away.  You nearly took away her life!”  So I guess Nick paralyzed somebody, but it will all turn out to be a tragic accident, right?  RIGHT!

 

Sharon spends the better part of an hour telling us the lurid tale.  Back in high school, when Shick was on a break, Nick had a raging pool party at the ranch.  He got mad when somebody broke a vase, so he sent everyone home…except for diving team hottie, Saundra Allen.  Sandy was SO good, she was an Olympic hopeful, and she and Nick got super drunk on Victor’s expensive vodka.  And she was only a junior, you guys.  A junior!!  That’s right, a senior gave vodka to a junior.  Omg, this story is sooo scandalous already.

 

Where was Sharon, you ask?  She was waiting behind, too, so she could try to get back with Nick of course.  So she was lurking while they got hammered, and Nick told Sandy he’d give her a hundred dollars if she dove off the balcony into the pool.  So she did.  All that Olympic training and she never learned kindergarten swimming rules.  Anyway, it took dumbass Nick a while to figure out Sandy wasn’t very good at this diving thing, and he pulled her out and resuscitated her, only she was left paralyzed. Sharon just watched.

 

Good old ranch “security” had already called Victor and told him to get home because of a lawsuit emergency, and Sharon heard him promise to pay off everybody and their dog so nobody knew Nick was “responsible.”  Somehow Sharon is also privy to the fact that Sandy had lots of surgeries and was actually able to walk again, and Victor showered her family with money, and Sandy and all her siblings got to go the college of their choice. 

 

THAT’S IT?!?  On the scale of Trauma By Newman, that’s like a minus four.  Aww, poor Nick always wondered what happened to dear old Sandy.  But I guess no one else did.  I know we didn’t have Facebook back then, but you’d think there might have been a rumor or two about a local Olympic diver hottie getting paralyzed at Nick Newman’s ranch kegger.  I wonder if Brad Carlton had to clean up a big mess the next day.  Anyway, now Nick knows why Sandy didn’t return his letters.  She couldn’t lose her settlement dough.

 

As for Sharon never saying anything, well, she didn’t want to mess up Sandy’s payoff either.  Besides, if Sandy made a deal with the devil, that was her business, and Sharon was working to get a piece of that pie herself, amirite?  But now, 20 years later, she’ll totally tell everyone if Nick doesn’t share Faith with her.

 

OMG!  Can you imagine the headlines???  DRUNK GIRL JUMPS OFF BALCONY AT TEEN PARTY AND DOESN’T EVEN DIE.  FAMILY GETS HUGE SETTLEMENT.  “She was no Greg Louganis,” says high school acquaintance.  How will Nick show his face around town?

 

So, think that’s stupid?  Back at Abby’s suite it takes about one minute of pressure to get her to blurt out to the police chief’s son that Austin was murdered.   It’s actually okay to tell Dylan, because he’s not going to tell Paul, anyway.  He and Stitch were in a war.  They’re taking this case THEMSELVES.  There are pretty blondes to protect.  Hey, maybe Saundra Allen killed Austin.

 

Let’s see, what else happened?  Ashley taunts Victor and Victoria with boxes of her successful rape perfume.  Victor’s not perturbed at all, because soon Ashley will be working for HIM.  And I doubt she’ll be co-CEO, either.

 

Chelsea and “Gabe” talk about her feelings for Adam, and how she shouldn’t marry Billy until she’s over it.  Billy and Jack talk about the same thing.  Billy admits he asked Chelsea to marry him because he was worried about Gabriel sniffing around, but Chelsea would never be interested in HIM, right?  RIGHT, Jack??

 

Phyllis tells Avery about Kelly finally doing her the favor of getting dead.  Also, she’s eloping with Jack, and forgives Avery for the insane asylum thing.  Avery says this is her year for getting forgiven, because she and Joe are both cool with her cheating thing.  And now he’s staying in town to run a charity.  Phyllis immediately guesses Joe needed a lawyer.  Of course, and it’s a good cause.  “But is it a good IDEA?” asks Phyllis.  Sure, Phyllis has worked with her exes before and it’s not like they ever had affairs or got married back and forth or anything. 

 

Jack stops by and Avery mentions her concerns about this Gabriel Bingham of mismatched signatures.  She gets a really weird vibe from him, because he was too distracted to know the name of his foundation.  Jack scoffs, rich people never remember that stuff or sign things neatly.  That's for the poors.  Yeah, but NICK says he’s changed.   Phyllis is like, what do you care, you got what you wanted.  Avery can’t help but wonder what GABRIEL wants.  He wants to sign your papers and get on with his life, idiot.   But you should probably investigate this nonsense that has nothing to do with you, anyway.

 

Dylan stops by the cottage to check on Sharon.  Everything’s going GREAT, Dylan.  Sharon’s just been chatting with Nick here, and he’s going to give her more time with Faith.  RIGHT, NICK?  He smirks but doesn’t argue.  He leaves, and Dylan asks if she told Nick about the interview.  He figures out that Sharon threatened to use her information against Nick.  Duh.

 

Ashley stops by Abby’s suite, where she finds out Stitch told her about the shower sex that meant nothing.  Stitch bails on them so they can fight in peace.  Abby has the nerve to bust Ashley’s chops over this, but Ashley reminds her she should STFU since SHE was cheating with her niece’s husband!  She makes it clear that they had just found out Billy was Katie’s father and thought Villy were back together.  It meant NOTHING.  Abby believes it didn’t mean anything to Stitch, but no way did it mean nothing to Ashley.  They bicker about who might be the one developing feelings for Stitch, and who is prone to getting into bad situations with men.  Victoria knocks on the door.  Gosh, what’s all the yelling about?

 

Adam babysits Connor and bores him to death with a fairytale about King Adam, his beautiful bride, and handsome son with a future as bright as a North Star.  That sounds like something Adam would say, right?  But the king made a terrible mistake and ran a mystical, wise kid down with a carriage, I guess, and the village idiot blew up his carriage, and then the king had plastic surgery and has to pretend he’s like, a duke, or something.  Because no one will believe it was an accident.  And now he’s gotta get his kingdom back.  And this story isn’t over yet.  Poor Connor. 

 

Jack gets home and yells at Adam for being shit at conning this town.  Jack would at least be able to duplicate his own signature and know what tax shelters he was running, for crying out loud.  Everyone is getting suspicious about Gabriel!  Avery’s wearing her glasses!!  Adam says to calm down, he’s not about to blow it when he’s so close to getting everything.

 

Now Chelsea and Billy tell EACH OTHER they shouldn’t get married yet.  But it’s totally cool, because they love each other.  What kind of soap writing is this?  What are the stakes if nobody wants to get married?

 

Phyllis wants to get married, though, and proves it by waiting for Jack in his office in her lingerie.  I would really hate to be the cleaning lady on this floor.

 

Nick visits Avery and says he wants to give Sharon one day a week with Faith.  Wow, one whole day?  But Avery’s shocked.  Why would give Faith time with her MOTHER??  It’s the right thing, and put it writing or else everyone’s going to know the local bar owner threw raucous parties with stupid girls in high school.  JUST DO IT, okay?

 

Dylan tells Sharon that Summer and Abby also got messages, and she probably shouldn’t be alone tonight.  But, but Sharon has ranch “security.”  That let the last lipstick wielder in her house.  Dylan will feel better knowing he’s guarding her instead.  Nobody’s gonna get past Dylan.

 

Chilly gets home, and Billy’s disgusted to find Gabe babysitting Connor.  Chelsea puts him to bed, and Billy makes sure Gabe knows postponing the engagement has [everything] nothing to do with his little conference with Chelsea when he “conveniently” ran out of gas.  Gabe says he doesn’t need to manipulate Chelsea’s epic love for Adam, obviously.  “It’s easy to love a bastard when he’s not around,” says Billy.  “Over time she would have seen him for the piece of dirt that he was.”  Wow, Billy really hates the guy who killed his daughter.  Billy says he has no idea.  Well, despite how much Billy hates Adam, Chelsea sure loved him a lot, so nyah.  Billy says it’s none of his concern, but it doesn’t matter, because love conquers all.  Adam smiles.

 

Ashley tells Victor it’s just mother-daughter squabbling.  Abby says Stitch left to take care of something, but she doesn’t know what it is.

 

Victor meets with his conspirator in the confessional.   It’s time for the most critical phase of their plan.   He doesn’t have to tell this person how dangerous it would be if anyone found out they know each other.  Well, since Victor knows everyone, I guess it’s someone new.  Probably Saundra Allen.

[peacheslatour]

 

Jack gets home and yells at Adam for being shit at conning this town.  Jack would at least be able to duplicate his own signature and know what tax shelters he was running, for crying out loud.  Everyone is getting suspicious about Gabriel!  Avery’s wearing her glasses!!

Classic peach, just classic.

[movinon]

 

Especially this one thing.  Victor paid a lot of money to cover it up, and it was really awful.  I’m amazed he got away with it.  To this day no one ever found out.  And it wasn’t even Victor’s crime…it was NICK’S!”  Funny how she blabbed that to Austin instead of a custody judge.  The best she could come up with THAT day was that Sage took her pants off.

This is where Pratt falls off his self-proclaimed pedestal.  It really was simple from the start - that custody case was one of the worst pieces of writing I've ever seen, and I still don't understand WHY?  Is it really just so simple that they are going to trash Sharon forever, or is there any kind of plan in his pea-brain to make her a viable character again.  I would seriously rather see Sharon Case walk away from this show than to accept any more demonizing of her character.  This is SHIT -  JMO.  Thanks for the recap, peach.

 

Edited to say this belonged to the Friday recap

Edited March 31, 2015 by movinon

[Foghorn Leghorn]

 

Dylan and I squint.  This is getting tiresome.

 

PERFECT!

[peach]

Tue, Mar 31   Epic Fail

 

Dylan stayed up all night protecting Sharon.  She hasn’t slept so well since…

 

Summer and Noah discuss whether or not the dumb Sandy Allen story is true.  Noah says it sucks having to admit Nick’s not really perfect.  As if it took Sandy Allen to figure that out.

 

Nick blazes over to Victor’s house to ask him about that senior party.   Really, which one?  Oh, the one where Victor came home to an injured girl, and Nick was passed out.  WHAT DID YOU DO, VICTOR?  Ummm, fixed it?

 

Victoria and Nikki interrupt Chelsea and Billy having breakfast at the club. Sooo, um, congratulations on the engagement.  They go to their own table, and Nikki questions Victoria’s amazing graciousness toward Chilly.

 

Chelsea says maybe they should have told Vicky the engagement’s actually postponed, but Billy says she’d be happy for them anyway.  Unlike her permanent shadow, Bingham.  I guess Chels is celebrating Easter early with dayglo pink lipstick and royal blue fingernails, neither of which go with her dark teal dress.  I guess they talked about Gabriel, but I wasn’t really listening. 

 

Sage finds Adam at Jabot and rags on him about Tipton calling and wondering when they were moving back into their penthouse.  She’s loud and annoying about their stupid situation,so Adam drags her into Jack’s office for some shushing.  Anyway, a real opportunity has fallen in his lap.  Gabe calls Billy and tells him there’s an emergency at Jabot and he better get Chelsea down there ASAP!  He hangs up, and Billy fumes.  Off they go.

 

Victoria admits Billy’s engagement bothers her more than she wants to admit.  So let’s talk about Nikki.  She’s clean and sober, going to meetings, and trying not to let Victor get to her.  Yes, she’s heard that he wants to buy Jabot, and Jack said no.  Victor will never give up til he gets what he wants.  What worries her is how far he’ll go to get it.

 

Nick bitches and complains about daring Sandy Allen to dive off the balcony, which left her in the hospital for a year.  “Son, why are you talking to me like this?  That girl said it was her own decision to take that dive.”  Nick blusters that he always wondered why she didn’t say it was his fault.  “Because it wasn’t!” says Victor.  Nick screams that Victor paid her off and “bribed” the entire Allen family.    Victor’s not denying adamnthing, okay?  And he sure as hell isn’t apologizing.  “Why the hell should I?!”  He protected everyone, and her family THANKED him for resolving it quickly and quietly.  Nick should be thanking him for protecting his future.  Nick shouts it was a future he bought and paid for.  “YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME THING FOR ANY OF YOUR CHILDREN!” bellows Victor.

 

I can’t even come up with any snark for something so dumb.  Has Nick never heard of financial liability?  They would have paid that family no matter what.  I know Nick is stupid, but..but..but is he THIS stupid?  He didn’t PUSH her off the damn balcony.

 

Sharon hasn’t slept this well since Nick took away Faith.  Blackmailing him has her sleeping like a baby.  Dylan will be back to check on her, since Avery’s so busy with a new client.  Sharon thanks him for believing in her.  “You’re a survivor.  You will always find a way to take care of yourself.”  He was pretty surprised she got Nick to give her more time with Faith, and he does NOT want to know what she’s holding over him.  It’s really boring, you really would be surprised.  She agrees he’s better off not knowing what someone he loves is capable of doing. 

 

Sage nags Adam about Mr. Tipton, but he thinks her committing adultery with his brother is a bigger red flag than not living in a smoke damaged apartment.  The Gabriel Bingham Switcheroo mastermind DOESN’T LIKE LYING, OKAY?!?  Adam tells her not to do anything STUPID.  Too late. 

 

Chilly shows up at Jabot for the big emergency, so Sage leaves.  Gabe didn’t want to bother Jack’s grieving, and besides,  this concerns Billy’s ex-wife.  Somebody hacked into Jabot’s mainframe.  “And you think it was Victoria?” scoffs Billy.  Adam thinks Victoria at least knows who it was.  Chelsea’s mouth drops open.  I’m glad IT came straight to the new marketing guy with this security breach.

 

Victoria asks Nikki if Victor will try to steal Jabot?  Well, he says he wouldn’t, but he also said Jack would someday come begging for his help, and he would give it to him in exchange for everything Jack had.  Blah blah, Victor is definitely Up To Something.  Nikki complains about how STRESSFUL these shenanigans are, but Vicky says Dad will never change.  Nikki thinks it would sure help if she knew what he was up to

 

Right now, he’s up to listening to Nick bitch and moan about a non issue.  The accident happened, K?  It was done.  Victor was protecting EVERYONE, idiot, and the Allens are set for life.  Nick whines that he didn’t deserve his future.  Well, ain’t that the truth, but that has nothing to do with Sandy Allen.  Victor can’t believe he’s so naïve.  Like  18yo Nick would have given a single shit about anything but saving his own ass anyway. 

 

Victor wants to know why he’s bringing this up NOW?  Has that girl contacted him?  Nope, wait for it, Victor…SHARON told him.  “Oh, for heaven’s sake!” cries Victor.  IKR?  Yep, she was hiding and listening.  “I HOPE you’re GLAD I’ve seen to it that That Woman stays away from you!”  NO!  It’s just the opposite!  Now they’re connected forever because they share two children.  Wait, that’s not it.  They’re connected because now Sharon can hold this stupid story over him.  Victor will see to it she stays away from him!  Nick says to STAY OUT OF IT.  Well, that always works.  Victor suggests they both forget this conversation.  No, Nick will NEVER be able to forget.  WAAAAH!!!

 

Courtney shows up at the Barbie Townhouse to tell the Scoobies she looked up the police report from the pool party rager during Nick’s senior year.  Turns out Sandy Allen was injured when she dove off the balcony.  Wow, what a HUGE SECRET.  But there was no mention of Nick in the file.  Probably because dares aren’t crimes.  He didn’t even double dog dare her.  Summer says that proves Dad had nothing to do with it.  OR that Sharon’s right and Victor paid to keep Nick’s name out of it, says Courtney.

 

Dylan shows up.  He thought he might find this bunch of nincompoops here.  “I know everything.  Austin’s murder, hiding the body, the messages.”  GASP!  They all jump up.  WHO told him??  It was Abby.  “Great,” says Summer, “proving once again that she can’t be trusted.”  No kidding, is there anyone she WON’T tell?  So, give Dylan a good reason not to go the cops.  Um, they don’t want to get in trouble or dead?  Dylan gets that they’re freaked out, but they’re not the only ones involved.  Sharon’s been threatened, too.  Nah, Kyle left that one to scare her into confessing.  Dylan grabs Kyle by his baby blue sweater, but Noah’s like, it’s cool, I already punched him yesterday. 

 

“This isn’t a joke, you little punk!” snaps Dylan.  “You know how dangerous it is to play head games with Sharon?  You could have pushed her over the edge!”  She’ll burn down your house, brah.  It makes Dylan so mad, he grabs Kyle again!  Kyle spits out that he wanted her to confess to murdering Austin so he couldn’t reveal the video interview!  Which would be a FAVOR TO YOU ALL, by the way.  Give Sharon a fucking medal, you losers.

 

Nick brings Faith over to Sharon, and she’s OVERJOYED to see her mother.  Not that that matters to Nick.  She runs upstairs.  Sharon says he won’t regret this.  He ALREADY regrets it!!  He growls that he’s thinking of going to the authorities HIMSELF and wasting their time by telling them all about his neck breaking party.  Sharon says that’s a pretty big can of worms to open.  Is it?  I’m betting the statute of limitations on dares is probably up.  Nick thinks it would be WORTH IT.

 

“Are you sure?  You’d have a hard time proving you didn’t have anything to do with the hush money paid to Sandra’s family.  You could lose custody of Faith completely.”  WHAT?  “You’d really do that to Faith?” fumes Nick.  “YOU did!” she reminds this cave bear.  She says this arrangement works.  There’s no reason to dredge up the past, just let her have the pathetic one day a week visitation you’ve arranged.  He glares.

 

The Scoobies tell Dylan about the accident report and how it matches everything Sharon said.  Dylan asks if NICK could have known Austin found out.  Noah gripes that it’s not possible EITHER of his parents killed Austin.  Summer says Dad was trapped under a ton of rubble that night.  Lurker Kyle says hey, that still leaves Sharon.  Noah  tells Kyle to lay off his mom!  “Why, because you say so?” sneers Kyle.  NO, because DYLAN says so.  “Let it go.  ALL OF IT.  Forget Austin, forget the murder, who might have done it.”  That’s the smartest thing Dylan’s ever said.

 

Courtney’s like, what, and go on with our lives like nothing happened?  Yes, dumbasses!  “Because if you don’t, one of you might get hurt.  Whoever’s threatening you doesn’t know I know about this, so that gives me free reign to take care of it.”  Okay, now he’s dumb again.  How about they ALL forget about it. Who cares about Austin?   Kyle gets all 80's James Spader.  “That doesn’t really work for me, Dylan.”  Maybe Dylan didn’t make himself clear.  BACK OFF!!  “What, and let you play Rambo?”  YES.  “Your lies made this mess!” shouts Dylan.  And he’s gonna do his best to clean it up.  So stay out of his way.  He leaves.

 

Gabe explains how the hackers got into Jabot’s sensitive files, and stole Chelsea’s latest designs.  They started laughing and sent them to K-Mart.  Billy says this just SMELLS like Victor.  Gabe says they can’t let him get away with this.  Billy doesn’t intend to!  Chelsea mentions that Victoria probably doesn’t share his feelings.  She asks them to babysit all the time so she can plot over at Newman.  Her loyalty is clearly to her father.  Billy will talk to her, but he can guarantee she has nothing to do with it.  He leaves.

 

Gabe gets all mopey about how Victor STOLE his father’s company from  him.  Chelsea’s super sorry about it.  Gabe talks about his “father” and gets confused halfway through and starts talking about Victor.  He idolized him and wanted to work side by side with him one day…before he realized what a sonofabitch he was. 

 

Victor talks to his minion on the phone and says he will leave the information in this big manila envelope in the usual place.  Minion needs to retrieve it IMMEDIATELY.  Nikki walks in and hears him.  Victor says he has business to take care of, and Nikki looks slyly suspicious.

 

Nick already gave Sharon one whole day a week with Faith, and now she’s talking about JOINT custody??  Sharon says to take things one day at a time.  She’s cool with the arrangements…for now.  Dylan comes over.  Faith totally wants Dylan to stay and make cookies.  Sharon has everything in the kitchen, so see ya, Nick.  Nick notes that Dylan’s been around a lot.  He’s grateful for someone to keep an eye on Sharon.  She’s been [sticking it to me] on edge lately.  Dylan says Sharon would never hurt Faith.  Nick has no choice but to HOPE he’s right.  Waaah.  He leaves.

 

Noah says Dylan’s right.  They need to stop obsessing over Austin’s murder and move on with their lives. Their mystery stalker has to know by now that they aren’t going to the cops.  Summer says that’s easier said than done.  Whatever, Noah’s over it.  He and Courtney leave.  Summer whines about her husband’s killer still being out there.  Kyle says he’ll keep her safe.  She’s super glad he’s sticking around instead of keeping up with his New York power career.  She knows he only meant to come to a Valentine’s Day party.  WHAT?  Summer…he came back for you.

 

Adam and Chelsea blather about complicated father relationships.  Adam says she worried for nothing, because Billy didn’t run off when she said she needed more time to get over Adam.   He says that’s good, because it gives Billy more time to work through his own issues.  He couldn’t help but notice how quickly Billy came to Victoria’s defense.  Chelsea squirms.

 

Billy sits with Vicky at the club.  She feigns surprise that he thinks SHE knows something about who hacked Jabot’s computers.  Gullible Billy says they just have reason to believe VICTOR is behind it.  “Based on what?” scoffs Victoria.  Ummm, all the other spying and declaring he wants Jabot for himself?  Oh, and he’s Victor Newman.  Billy just wants her to find out if he’s right.  WHAT?  He wants her to spy on her father??  Uh, like that time she wanted him to spy on his brother?! “That was different.  We were married and we trusted each other.”  It’s always “different” when you’re a Newman. 

 

Billy says to trust him now.  A war between their families will hurt A LOT of people.   She agrees, so find out if Victor’s going after Jack!  Vicky says it’s not fair for Billy to use her feelings for him like this.  It would be a lot easier if she could just hate him.  Aww, but they could never hate each other, you guys.  That’s okay, the rest of us hate you both. “It’s official, then.  We’re madly in non-hate,” she smiles, even though she spies on you.  They grin at each other.  Whatever.

 

Noah takes Courtney to Crimson Lights where she feels nervous about the lull in their conversation.  Now that they don’t talk about murder cover-ups anymore, what WILL they talk about?  Well, Austin’s death made Noah realize that life can end, snap, just like that, with a bookend the head.  He had convinced himself that working part time at The Underground and hanging out with friends was enough in life, because that’s what trust funds do to a person.  But he doesn’t want to wake up, or NOT wake up with regrets, when the best thing that ever happened to him is sitting right in front of him.  She starts freaking out while Noah gets on his knee…and pulls out an engagement ring.  “Courtney, will you marry me?”  She’s genuinely surprised and thrilled.  Yes, yes, yes.  Austin getting his head bashed in is the best thing that ever happened to Courtney.

 

It’s not the best thing that’s happened to Nick.  He pouts in his club while looking at an old news story on the Genoa City Chronicle.  PROMISING ATHLETE TAKES LAST DIVE.  Again, what a big secret.  Nick throws the laptop against the wall!!! 

 

“Bad time?” grins Sage, walking through the door.  She teases that he shouldn’t be throwing things against the new walls he just paid to fix.  “Yeah, well money can’t fix everything, despite what some people think,” he complains.  Well, it fixes walls, Nick.  Sage frowns with concern.  What’s going on?  “What do you care?” he snaps.  Um, excuse her?  She’s his friend.  “You don’t even know me.  I’m just another entitled rich guy that you latched onto.  Was that your angle??”  Sage almost throws up.  “My…ANGLE?”  Wow, funny how you shag a guy on his floor and then he turns into a douche.  Take some notes on this, Sage. 

 

“Yeah,” sneers Nick, “everyone’s got one.  Find the richest guy in town and get what you can out of him?  First there was Bingo, and now me.”  Okay, she grew up with Bingo, and her angle is giving your brother a new identity, not chatting up a spoiled twat like you.  “How DARE you speak to me like this!” snaps Sage.  Notice the Newman family resemblance yet?  “If it’s not money you’re after in this relationship, what is it??” growls Nick.  Certainly not your sharp wit.  You’re the one telling her to give up all her money to date you.  Sage is flabbergasted.  “I don’t know, Nick.  I thought it was the same thing you were after.  Apparently, I was wrong.”  She turns to leave.  “Sage, wait!”  Aww, now Nick is sad.  Poor Nick.

 

Chelsea gets her dander up and says Gabe’s wrong if he thinks Vicky is the reason Billy’s postponing the wedding.  Oh, of course not.  It’s smart not to rush into marriage.  Okay, well Chelsea’s just going to go check on Villy right now, you know, because of the hacking situation.  Gabe’s sure it was Victor.  “Well, if that’s true, then this is far from over.  He’s a man that does not stop until he gets what he wants.”  She leaves, and Adam grins.  “That runs in the family.”

 

Victor hovers outside the confessional and sends a text:  Package ready for pickup.  Does anyone else use this place?  Does no one ever notice Victor Newman frequenting the hospital chapel on a daily basis?  He leaves the manila envelope inside, and a gloved Hand picks it up.  This show loves Hands.

 

Summer acts surprised that Kyle still wuvs his wittle pwincess.  She says Austin was always jealous of his money and lifestyle, like that’s the only reason Summer cared about him.  “He didn’t deserve you,” says Kyle.  WORD!  He deserved so much better.  I’m kinda bummed we didn’t get a Rich Man, Poor Man storyline between Kyle and Austin.  Fen was too bourgeois to make that any good.  But alas, Austin is dead. 

 

Summer whines that she loved Austin, and he promised to love her, and she believed him.  Waah.  Kyle says he came back to stop her from ever being hurt like this again, even though Summer was perfectly happy at the time.  “Epic fail,” he whispers.  No kidding.  Summer thanks him anyway for looking out for her.  He’s always done that, been her protector.  “It feels like you’re my big brother.”  Kyle’s face falls.  He didn’t do all this lurking and smarming and possible killing for her to say THAT.  Brother zone is worse than the friend zone.  “But I’m not.  And I don’t want you to see me like that.”

 

Sharon, Faith, and Dylan play the Game of Life, which always turns out awkward.  Faith has to buy a house.  Dylan teases her about not having a job.  How can she pay for a house?  “I’m a Newman, I can buy anything I want,” Faith says casually.  Sharon GASPS.  WHO told her that?  Grandpa.  Duh.  Sharon goes to get the cookies.  Dylan gets a card.  “Car stuck in the woods, lose a turn.”  Hmm.  Faith says just like MOM’S car that night!  Before the car slid off the road they were driving around in the woods.  Sure, great, why not.  I'm numb to it all at this point.  Dylan ponders anxiously.

 

Sage turns back to Nick.  What does he want to say?  “That I’m sorry, and I’m a jerk.”  She says that’s a start.  “You can’t talk to me like that,” she says softly.  Well, he just did.  But Nick says he knows, and he didn’t mean any of those things.  Not about her.  Sure.  Sage thinks THIS is a good time to say “I do want something from you.  A safe refuge and a haven from all the secrets and lies in my life.”  Clearly, it’s NOT, but keep spilling your guts anyway.  “It’s not by chance that I chose a nice, decent guy like you for that,” who basically just called me a golddigging whore.

 

“Believe me, I have secrets,” opines Nick.  Deep, dark ones that he’s running away from, but they’re always there waiting for someone to use against him., he pouts.  Omg, he’s SUCH A BABY.  Sniffle, sniffle, Nick just doesn’t know who to trust anymore, because he was so full of trust for Victor and Sharon before.  Sage puts her hand on his cheek.  “You can trust me, Nick.”  I’ve only lied about bringing your hated brother back from the dead.  They embrace.

 

Billy knows Vicky would never do ANYTHING to hurt him or his family.  But if Victor wants a war with the Abbotts, they’re ready.  Hahaha!  And they’re not going to back down.  “As long as it doesn’t affect [me] us,” says Vicky.  Billy says no more putting her in the middle, he promises.  They shake on their truce, grinning.  “Careful, we don’t want a repeat of last night,” smiles Billy.  Chelsea walks up.  “What happened last night?”

 

The gloved hand belongs to Nikki!  She opens the envelope and pulls out a fingerprint array.  Hmmm.

 

Adam comes in Jack’s office to talk to the back of his chair.  “I’m glad you’re back.  There’s been a security breach, and I know exactly who’s behind it.”  the chair spins around…and it’s Victor!  He’s materialized right into the heart of Jabot!  “What the hell are YOU doing here?”

[movinon]

I guess Chels is celebrating Easter early with dayglo pink lipstick and royal blue fingernails, neither of which go with her dark teal dress.

Just yesterday you said this show wasn't even funny anymore - the way Chelsea dresses is funny everyday, especially for a designer.  I find myself waiting to see how bad she can look the next time I see her.

 

the chair spins around…and it’s Victor!

I can't tell you how unglued I came, seeing Victor sitting in Jack's office, in Jack's chair.  I wanted to burst through the screen and slap that smug smirk off his face.  Even worse, five people who work for Jabot, including Jack, STANDING, arguing with him.  How come not one person had the balls to say "Get the hell out of that chair and out of this building, before you die"?  I would love someone to kill him, slowly, after pulling out his fingernails and and shooting off his toes, one by one.  Of course, I guess the dentures would eliminate the possibility of pulling out the teeth, one by one.  Torture was invented for this creature from hell.

 

Edited to say:  Great recap, peach - thanks.

Edited April 2, 2015 by movinon

[peacheslatour]

 

NO, because DYLAN says so.  “Let it go.  ALL OF IT.  Forget Austin, forget the murder, who might have done it.”  That’s the smartest thing Dylan’s ever said.

Whoever’s threatening you doesn’t know I know about this, so that gives me free reign to take care of it.”  Okay, now he’s dumb again.

Oooh, so close!  I almost started liking him.  Almost.

 

 

Gabe talks about his “father” and gets confused halfway through and starts talking about Victor.  He idolized him and wanted to work side by side with him one day…before he realized what a sonofabitch he was.

Confused the hell out of me too.

[NinjaPenguins]

 

I know Nick is stupid, but..but..but is he THIS stupid?

That is like asking "Is water that wet?" or "Is the sun that hot?" By the way, I recommend launching Kyle and Summer directly into it just to make sure.

 

 

Dylan grabs Kyle by his baby blue sweater, but Noah’s like, it’s cool, I already punched him yesterday.

 

Yeah, Noah, but it didn't take. Let Dylan bust out some of his Special Forces ninja death chops on Kyle's trachea.

 

 

They started laughing and sent them to K-Mart.

 

K-Mart? Well la-dee-da. That's a pretty fancy destination for dollar store rags.

 

 

“Believe me, I have secrets,” opines Nick.  Deep, dark ones that he’s running away from, but they’re always there waiting for someone to use against him., he pouts.

Nick knows that if scientists discover he's the missing link between howler monkeys and humans, he'll be caged in a lab, forced to pedi-peel fruit for their amusement and satisfy his urges with vigorous self-abuse under their clinical gaze.

 

 

“It feels like you’re my big brother.”  Kyle’s face falls.  He didn’t do all this lurking and smarming and possible killing for her to say THAT.  Brother zone is worse than the friend zone.

Don't you worry about Kyle. It will be a piece o' cake to maneuver Summer into the bone zone.

[MollyB]

 

We’re madly in non-hate,

rename the show Non-Hate You Madly?

[PatsyandEddie]

Of course, I guess the dentures would eliminate the possibility of pulling out the teeth, one by one.  Torture was invented for this creature from hell.

 

Your whole comment had me tee heeing quietly to myself but this elicited a giant and embarrassingly loud snort. Mr. Patsy just shook his head.

  

 Yeah, Noah, but it didn't take. Let Dylan bust out some of his Special Forces ninja death chops on Kyle's trachea.

I'll bring the beer if this ever happens. It's like this kid invented smarmy douchenozzle.

[glowlights]

Meanwhile, Sharon is frantically wiping the lipstick off her mirror.  “No, no, no, no, no, no!”  Dylan asks why someone would do this?  “Mental torture!  Psychological warfare!  They want me to be afraid and anxious.  To suffer and be punished!”  Dylan asks how they could have gotten past security?

 

I just watched this ep and literally anger-swooned right off the sofa. Excuse me but they're pulling out the Newman security angle NOW? After lo these many months, nay years, of there being no security ever mentioned, such as when Mariah was traipsing back and forth onto the Newman ranch during her Ian Ward phase, or when Sharon ran out of firewood in the blizzard and needed help, etc. etc., suddenly now it's suspicious that someone could write on Sharon's mirror because it's a secure property? For fuck's sake either have security and a gate house on that goddamn ranch or don't, but keep it consistent you assholes writing this soap, whoever you are.

 

Sheesh.

 

(hi, how's everyone been? thanks, peach, for continuing with these recaps - it's the lord's work!)

[ByTor]

I can't tell you how unglued I came, seeing Victor sitting in Jack's office, in Jack's chair.  I wanted to burst through the screen and slap that smug smirk off his face.  Even worse, five people who work for Jabot, including Jack, STANDING, arguing with him.  How come not one person had the balls to say "Get the hell out of that chair and out of this building, before you die"?

It's no secret that I'm a Victor fan, and even I was annoyed about that!

[movinon]

Sheesh.

 

(hi, how's everyone been? thanks, peach, for continuing with these recaps - it's the lord's work!)

I doubt that even the lord has the patience to watch this garbage - let alone, recap it for us - peach is in a class all by herself.  LOL

Edited April 4, 2015 by movinon

[Petunia13]

There were a few great lines and witty observations Peach shared this week : ). She's really nailing how stupid some of these characters are. Like everyone is an idiot in GC but Victor and the writers are on the stupid juice too.

Edited April 4, 2015 by Petunia13

[peach]

Wed, April 1, 2015   Skullduggery

 

At Crimson Lights, Ashley informs Jabot’s CEO about the security breach.  She says IT is investigating, and so far Marketing and Fashion have been breached.  “What about HEX? What about R&D?” worries Jack.  Ashley met him here in case her office has been bugged again.  Security is sweeping the building, and employees are changing their passwords, so they are adding lots of levels of security, Jack!  Sounds about as tight as Sony around there.  Their sensitive files are obviously encrypted, but someone determined enough could get into them.  “Someone like Victor,” says Jack.  “This has his grubby fingerprints all over it!”  Actually, it has digital fingerprints, but I’m sure that won’t come up.

 

Billy assures skeptical Chelsea that he was just asking Vicky who’s behind these disturbing corporate hackings.  Gosh, Victoria doesn’t have a clue.  Yeah, um, who cares who stole all my current designs, what the hell was the comment about “what happened last night?”  Oh, it’s nothing she needs to worry about.  “You know how it is between two people who’ve known each other a long time, they fall back into their old familiar patterns,” says Victoria.  Sex patterns?  It was no big deal, Chels.  Ohhh, so it was like an inside joke?  Since Billy’s her fiancé, and they don’t have secrets between them, suppose they let Chelsea in on the joke?  Chilly is the joke, okay?

 

“Whose fingerprints are these?” whispers Nikki of the black gloves.  “What are you up to, Victor?”

 

Victor’s kicked back in Jack’s chair.  “You look surprised to see me, Mr. Bingham.”  “Yeah, a little bit. You don’t belong here!”  Well, Victor has something of importance for Mr. Abbott.  Gabe says if he’s upping his offer for Jabot, we’re not interested, he smirks.  “Last time I checked, JackAbbott was CEO of this company.  If you’re anything like your father, he couldn’t take the heat of the business world.  He just died one day.”  Adam rubs his chin and says that’s typical of Victor Newman, blaming the victim.  “So you know me, huh?”  A little more than ya think, says Adam.  “Oh, yeah?”

 

Summer tells Kyle she doesn’t see him as a brother, so he shouldn’t feel obligated.  He doesn’t!  He wasn’t there to stop Austin from hurting her, and he’ll be damned if he’s going to let someone threaten her life now.  There’s a knock on the door!  Summer looks through the peephole.  “Who is it?”  Can’t she see through her peephole?  Because it’s Noah and Courtney.  Why are they smiling like that??

 

Kyle asks if they found proof he’s a killer, because that would be the happiest day of their lives.  Noah wishes, but it’s better than that.  Then Kevin and Mariah burst in.  They don’t bother knocking at the clubhouse.  “Mariah, tell them I’m a genius!” says Kevin.  “He’s a genius!” crows Mariah.  Wait’ll you hear this!  Courtney’s like WAIT!!  For Pete’s sake, let them talk first.  “Courtney and I are engaged,” announces Noah.  The gang’s all like Wowzers!

 

Stitch shows up at Abby’s suite door, and she throws herself in his surprised arms, smiling ear to ear.  “You’re back!”  She’s looking super hot in skinny white jeans and a pleather tank top.  It’s Pleather Week.  Why wouldn’t he be back?  After the awkward shower sex reveal, she wasn’t sure what his plans were.  Stitch assures her his ex-military crew is keeping her safe.  He hasn’t caught up with Victoria yet, because he’s been dealing with the Abu Dhabi mortuary, and she’s been busy slobbering all over Billy.  Stitch has to leave town to collect Kelly’s remains, but Abby will be in good hands.  “I will.  Because I’m going with you.”  Stitch and I are like, huh?

 

Ah, the Billy I know and hate isn’t dead.  He stands cozied up with Vicky on the landing, looking down on wee Chelsea, and immediately deflects his bullshit on to her.  “It’s like I told you, I went by to see Vicky and the kids while you were supposed to be on a business trip with Gabe.”  Supposed to be?!  She WAS on a business trip.  “Yeah, but the meeting never happened,” Billy says sanctimoniously. Chelsea’s shocked.  It wasn’t HER fault the car ran out of gas!  “Your car ran out of gas?  Seriously?” snipes Victoria.  Chelsea’s pissed.  “Getting back to my original question…” 

 

She tries to hold in her horror and then contempt while Vicky fake innocently explains she was just so upset after finding out Kelly was dead and mucking things up with Stitch.  Billy’s like, poor Victoria was crying when he got there.  Ohhh, she was crying?  “And Billy comforted you,” finishes Chelsea.  “Yeah, kinda like Gabe was comforting you when you didn’t want to set a wedding date yet,” chides Billy.  So now he's taking revenge.  Chelsea widens her eyes.  “That was private,” she whispers.  Victoria snaps that they don’t have secrets, REMEMBER.  She walks upstairs to nowhere in her supercilious Newman manner.  But I do like that elegant dress.

 

Everyone fawns over the newly engaged couple.  Life’s too short to waste, says Noah.  This show should probably stop reminding me of that.  Kyle and Summer have feelz.  Okay, now listen up to Kevin.  He’s found video on Austin’s computer of Jack Abbott!  And it wasn’t an interview, it was surveillance footage!  Austin was secretly following and filming Jack through Chancellor Park.  Most of it’s been erased, of course, but the police department has surveillance cameras in the park, too.  Too bad they never catch any muggers or drug dealers or blackmailers.  Kevin thinks he can access that footage from the central server and put together the missing pieces.  Noah says NO.  Courtney’s risked enough as it is.  Babe, they aren’t going to do that “obey” thing when they get married, so he can’t stop her. 

 

Ashley tells Victor can spy all he wants but it won’t do any good, because they’re on to him.  Jack’s not so sure, this is all feels strange.  Victor steals the formula, but then pulls the fragrance?  Hex is a success, and now he wants to buy Jabot?  I think it’s called letting you do all the work, Jack.  He tells Victor to take a hike, and their servers are immediately hacked? What kind of game is he playing??  Ashley thinks all VICTOR does is react.  Haha.  Jack KNOWS he has a plan. 

 

“Guess what?” says Ashley, “He’s not just taking on you this time, he’s taking on ME as well.”  The person he easily stole the formula from.  She gets a call that Victor’s been seen in their building!  Hmm, Jack figures he must WANT to be seen.  The question is what DOESN’T he want them to know?  They ponder ineffectively.

 

Paul sits in his office and has a flashback to telling Victor in the hospital that HIS WIFE HAPPENED.  Blah blah Chris got plowed by a car.  Nikki stops by to visit.  Ooo, bad timing.  He barely looks at her and says if this is about Neil’s case, he can’t discuss it.  Oh, no, she’s forgotten about Neil already.  She’s here as a friend…as long as he still considers her one?   “You know, Nik, I would love to turn back the clock and prevent Chris’ accident, and maybe then we could still have children.  But what’s done is done.”  Chris’ internal injuries mean she can’t have any more children.  Nikki sinks into a chair.  “Oh, Paul, I had no idea.”  Well, now ya do.  Gosh, that’s just devastating.  She’s so so so sorry, but, hey, could you do her a favor?  “Whatever it is, the answer is NO.”  Nikki’s like, wait, what?

 

Victor tells Gabe to take his presumptions with him and exit through that door, K?  Adam starts laughing.  “I don’t care what they say about you, you got a hell of a sense of humor on you.  You can’t throw me out of here, it’s not your office.”  Victor smiles.  “Not yet.”  Adam says Jack Abbott is NEVER going to sell this company to him.  “And that from the mouth of babes,” says Victor.  Does he know that everyone has his price?  Not EVERYONE!  Some people can’t be bought or bullied, or is that not something he learned from his own son?  Way to play it cool, Adam.  “Now you know my son??  Who the hell are you?”

 

Nikki tries to hand Paul her envelope anyway.  Wow.  “I SAID NO.  No more secret favors!  No more hiding things behind Chris’ back.  You and I have a son, because of that, I disrespected my wife and ignored her feelings.”  He goes on about Chris rightfully feeling abandoned and betrayed, like, remember that jigsaw puzzle, you guys?  And she lost the most precious thing in their lives.  He can make DAMN SURE he doesn’t disappoint her again.  But, but, Nikki’s not asking you to betray her, just, just….  “I’M NOT GOING TO GET INVOLVED.  What don’t you GET about that??  If you have evidence of a possible crime, go out there and file it through the proper channels.”  Nikki wipes tears away and leaves.  Paul is such a meanie.

 

Paul’s all about the proper channels these days, which probably makes it a bad idea for Kevin to be hacking three feet away from his door.  Seriously, couldn’t they wait til later?  Courtney’s agitated it’s taking so long.  Kevin says the department has gotten better about putting up firewalls, but he knows what he’s doing.  Isn’t that HIS job?  Guess not, because he sets off a loud alarm!!  ACCESS DENIED!! 

 

Abby thinks this is a sad, painful time for Stitch, doesn’t he want a sexy, blonde friend along for moral support?  No, he has to do it alone.  And he’s not taking Victoria, either, so Abby can just explain that to her for him.  Um, what?  Stitch pouts that Vicky ain’t exactly broken up about Kelly’s death.  Abby explains that Vicky cares about HIM.  She raced to be by his side, and he treated her like a nuisance!  And if SHE tells Vicky about this, it will feel like  slap in the face.  What was going along with him overseas going to feel like?  Stitch thinks maybe some time apart will be good for them.  Speak of the devil, Victoria knocks on the door.  Stitch acts annoyed, and Snowflake makes that fake innocent worried face I cannot stand.

 

Billy and Chelsea bicker at the club bar.  She thinks he wasn’t doing much interrogating at all, more like getting together with Victoria to reminisce.  Billy gets haughty about Chelsea having any kind of problem with his “friendship” with Victoria.  Yes, a very long and romantic friendship, points out Chelsea..  “That doesn’t mean I’m going to go racing to get back together with her any time soon…ummm, I mean EVER.”  He means EVER, geez.  Look, he’s with YOU Chelsea, so give him the benefit of the doubt, like he [never] gives her with Mr. Close Working Relationship.  Chelsea’s like, are ya trying to compare my professional rapport with Gabriel, to your long, checkered MARRIAGE to Victoria??  “Rapport, that’s a good one.”  This is Chelsea…not laughing.  Billy hisses that she has MORE than a working relationship with Gabe.  She sat in a car and TALKED TO HIM.  She thinks he’s misinterpreting it.  OH, like SHE misinterprets him hanging all over Vicky and sneering at her?  Really, what is she SUPPOSED to think when he came rushing over to air-quote “question” her?  Seems more like he wanted to PROTECT his ex.  “You know what, maybe I did!  But that’s the difference.  I’m not still hung up on my ex,” retorts Billy.  Then why would you protect her?  Logic is not his thing.  Chelsea grimaces.  Adam is dead.  “Yeah, well, you’d never know it,” he snaps.

 

Who is Gabe?  He’s…Nick’s friend from boarding school!  Nick used to talk about him, and that silver spoon left a bad taste even then.  HE was one of the only people Victor couldn’t bribe or coerce.  No, he just has to do all Nick’s bribing and coercing for him.  He’s found that nobody really makes it through life on his own.  Nick found that out, and Gabe will find out as well.  The hard way.  Gabe can’t think of single thing Victor could teach him that he would be interested to learn.

 

Jack and Ashley come in.  “I’m sure there’s a lot you could learn from The Great Victor Newman,” says Jack.  “Like how to sneak into your competitor’s place of business and steal their secrets!”  Victor kicks back in Jack’s chair and smiles.  Looks like it.

 

Victor didn’t break in, Jack, your secretary let him right in.  They all stand around Jack’s desk and scold him heartily, while he laughs at them.  It’s too bad he wasn’t as polite when he hacked into their mainframe.  IT says it wasn’t the work of amateurs.  Jack says if he thinks he can find vulnerability in Jabot, then knock himself out.  “OR, we could do that for you,” says Gabe.  Victor chuckles.  “Give it your best shot, son, K?  I could meet you in a dark alley, or anywhere you want to, like right here?”  Gabe’s like, bring it!  But Jack says Victor’s not worth it. 

 

Whatever, Victor came to say HIS company servers were also breached.  Wait, when did THIS happen?  “It happened just now, in his head,” smirks Gabe.  He’s gonna have to do a lot better than that if he wants to shift suspicion from himself.  He needs to write it in lipstick or something.  How would Victor even KNOW they had a breach?  Victor insists both companies’ servers were breached, so they should join forces to defeat their cyber enemy. He hopes at least ASHLEY will consider it.  She’s happy to personally kick him out instead.  “You watch your step,” Victor says to Gabe, and leaves.

 

Jack turns on Adam.  He thought he would have LEARNED something from dying.  It hasn’t taught him a damn thing!

 

Proper Channels Paul bursts out of his office upon hearing the silly computer alarm.  Kevin can’t scramble up a good enough lie, so he just says he was using the computer for urgent, personal reasons that he can’t share.  Courtney tried to stop him, and he accidentally triggered an alarm.  “Kevin, you’re supposed to be SETTING UP firewalls, not figuring out how to get around them,” unless Paul needs you to.  Umm…if Kevin SETS UP the friggin firewalls, he wouldn’t have to “get around them,” but somehow his firewalls are self aware and have secret alarms.  Kevin says it couldn’t be avoided. 

 

“You’re not AUTHORIZED,” says Paul.  Where did Kevin get the log in he would already know about?  Kevin didn’t have a choice.  Paul wants to know what he’s looking for.  They just stare.  Give him a reasonable explanation and Paul will just give him a warning.  Gosh, he can’t.  “Then you leave me no choice.  You’re suspended, Kevin.”  Paul will just have to get his illegal information elsewhere for a while.

 

Noah grumbles at the clubhouse.  He and Courtney should be celebrating their engagement, and she’s off risking her career.  “It’s worth the risk!” says Mariah.  “Easy for you to say,” you’re a bartender.  Mariah says it is if they want to find out who killed Austin and move on with their lives.  Except Noah DOESN’T want to find out.  Summer whiny blathers something about how it doesn’t matter what Jack was doing.  Blah blah.  KYLE thinks Mariah is really stretching to blame a 1 percenter for any of this.  “What else is new,” snipes Summer.  These two, I swear. 

 

Mariah thinks maybe Austin was scared!  That’s why he was following Jack.  “Maybe Jack was covering for YOU,” she says to weasel Kyle.  “You lured Austin into a trap.”  Summer freaks.  “We” already ruled out Kyle as a suspect.  I still didn’t get the memo as to WHY.  Mariah says that was before he ADMITTED to writing a lipstick message to Sharon!  They argue.  “For the hundredth time, I did NOT kill Austin!  I’m sick of this garbage!” complains Kyle.  He storms out.  Oh, well if you said it 100 times, it must be true.

 

“You are SUCH a pain in the butt,” says Summer.  “AND YOU ARE NAÏVE AS HELL,” shouts Mariah.  I guess “naïve” is a polite way to say “stupid.”  “Austin was leading a DOUBLE LIFE, so what makes you think Kyle wouldn’t be as well?”  My kid is watching me with me, and I kid you not, just asked me, “Sooo, where’s their talking dog?”  Great minds.

 

Abby runs over to Stitch’s suite to leave Sticky alone.  Stitch’s sorry he hasn’t checked in, he’s been busy making arrangements.  Well, if Vicky can help in any way…  “Let’s not pretend you’re shedding any tears for her, okay?”  She has shed tears, Ben, for you.  Well, they were kind of for herself.  She knows he loved his sister.  Stitch softens and says he knows he was hard on her, and maybe when he gets back… Back from where??  He needs to go get Kelly’s ashes from the Middle East, without her.

 

Kevin and Courtney get back to the clubhouse, and says when he tried to access the park footage, he hit a glitch.  “Your glitches are like tsunamis,” says Mariah.  Wellll, he set of an alarm, and Paul started grilling them.  Courtney says Kevin took one for the team by saying she wasn’t involved, and Paul suspended him.  “What a jerk!” says Mariah.  She’s sorry for Kevin, but he says getting rid of this threat is more important.  “Meanwhile, the answers are still on that computer, and only one of us has access,” says Courtney.  ABSOLUTELY NOT, says Noah.

 

Should Chelsea just erase her memories of Adam? Has she ever ONCE asked Billy to do that with Victoria?  “If you can’t see the difference…” says Billy.  EXACTLY.  Adam’s dead, and Victoria’s ALIVE and crying all over the place.  “He didn’t DESERVE your love,” fumes Billy, “and you refuse to face that!”  I don’t think Ghost Delia would appreciate this attitude, Billy.  He bitches about her getting weepy in the car with Gabe, and then postponing their wedding!  “What about YOU?” she cries. He stopped by Victoria’s for five minutes, and he wanted to put the brakes on, too!  DO NOT put the blame on someone else, BILLY.  At least be honest about your feelings.

 

“Okay, fine, you want some honesty?  Here’s honesty,” he says nastily.  “Something DID happen between me and Victoria.  She wanted to kiss me!  And I wanted to kiss her back.”  Nyah nyah.  Chelsea gapes. 

 

Jack is pissed at Adam.  He gave him a place to live and a job, and now he’s going to break character and ruin the whole thing?  He practically challenged Victor to a duel!  Hey, he came in there and caught Victor sitting at Jack’s desk acting like he owns the place!  Yeah, he got pissed and flew off the handle.  Jack says to concentrate on getting Chelsea back, and also look out for Jabot, the company that gave him a second chance.  Seems like that’s what he was doing, but okay.    “All I’ve seen so far is you trying to out-Victor Victor!”  ISN’T THAT WHAT THEY NEED?  Ashley returns.  So now what’s going on?

 

Poor Nikki.  She’s all on her own now, trying to out-Victor Victor by herself.   She waits dramatically for Victor on the sofa.  He’s sorry his business meeting ran late.  She’s sure it did, with all the confessing of sins.  Imagine her surprise finding him in a…chapel.  “And then after you left….finding this.”  She holds up the fingerprint file.  Where’d she get those?  Right in the confessional where he left them.  She and Victoria are very concerned he has his eye on Jabot again, and will resort to his Bag of Tricks to get what he wants.  Neither family wants this, it will hurt everyone.  “So why don’t YOU tell ME what these fingerprints will do to bring Jack down?”

 

Victoria loves Stitch and wants to help him.  He knows his sister caused her a lot of heartache, and he doesn’t want her pretending to care and then resenting him for it.   He’s already lost so much, so let him go take care of Kelly and come back home to her and move on.  But she just hates the thought of him going alone…so take Abby.  Right.  She’s so stinking passive aggressive. 

 

Hold up, did Billy say he kissed Victoria?!  NO.  “I ALMOST kissed Victoria, but I didn’t.  We were tempted.”  So give me a medal.  They didn’t do any kissing because Vicky loves Stitch, and Billy loves Chelsea.   Chelsea punches him in the throat.  Just kidding, they start making out.  Because Billy’s so romantic.  Jack calls and tells him to stop whatever he’s doing and bring Chelsea straight to Jabot.  Why, is this a board meeting?  “More like a war council,” says Jack.  He presses his lips together.

 

Victor gets comfortable.  “I know you see me as the villain…but what you don’t know is…I’m under attack.”  Lol   Nikki sits down.  “Really.  Who’s after you?”  Hmmm.  How about…someone broke into the Newman computer system, and left those fingerprints.  Even Nikki knows cyber trails don’t leave actual fingerprints.  Oh, but they lifted these from a super special server accessible only by a super special key.  It was an inside job.  Soooo…naturally, he took the fingerprints to the church chapel for his PI to look at.   I mean, where ELSE would you meet a PI? 

 

“So why all this skullduggery?  Why not simply hand him the envelope, or better yet, let Paul take care of it?” asks Nikki.  Victor smirks.  He senses the c**** in her armor.  “What did PaulWilliams say when you took these to him, behind my back?”  Nikki tries to keep her poker face, but Victor knows he’s got her.

 

Summer finds Kyle at Crimson Lights.  <must…not…FF..> Blah whine blah.  Some kind of pouting about not killing Austin.  “I know you,” says Summer, “you couldn’t hurt a fly,” like that’s supposed to make a guy feel better.  Don't worry, you’re too wimpy to kill anybody, babe.  She says Jack made him the man he is today, [rude and snotty] good and strong.  I guess I’m wrong, and it’s totally working, because he suddenly grabs her and kisses her.  Great idea to publicly kiss the widow a week after the murder.

 

“What are..you doing?” asks Summer.  Omg, now Kyle has to draw Summer a picture.  He knows she’s not…ready, or anything…but she was ALL he thought about in New York, hurting that they couldn’t be together because incest.  And then he learned the amazing truth that it WASN’T incest, and it seemed too good to be true.  Turns out it was, because she’d already married Austin.  Guess it’s pretty lucky he’s dead now.  Summer’s super special because she’s the only one who’s seen beyond his name to the real person inside, because she has an entitled, rich asshole name, too!  “Summer, I need you in my life! If you’ll just give me the chance.”   She needs you, too!  Let’s run off into the sunset and bully the poors together!

 

Mariah and Noah argue about him telling Courtney how to do her job.  “Her job is to serve and protect the public, not get deeper into this mess.”  Kevin says sorry, dude, but until they find Austin’s killer, none of them are safe.  These kids are so dumb.  SUPER DYLAN is going to find the killer.  Mariah thinks since Courtney is the only one who hasn’t gotten a lipstick message, she can fly under the radar and solve the crime.   Noah says the only thing Courtney needs to solve is what wedding dress to wear and the guest list.  Because they’re getting married ASAP!  Seems like news to Courtney.

 

Jack finally gets pissed that he was the LAST TO KNOW Jabot was breached.  Billy thought he had enough going on with Kelly’s death, and stupidly thought HE could handle it, since he’s VP of All The Things.  So, HOW exactly did he handle it?  Oh, he went to an inside source at Newman.  Gabe points out that since it was VICTORIA it’s no wonder he came up empty.  Billy’s aggravated.  DEFLECT, DEFLECT!  “How do we even know this guy isn’t working both sides of the street?” complains Billy.  It’s a pretty crowded street, IMO.  Chelsea thinks that’s crazy.  “Why, because he gives good SHOULDER?” he bitches.  Jack thinks it’s a crock that Victor’s servers were also hacked, and he’s going to try to grab Jabot ANY WAY he can.  So they have to STOP the infighting and pull together!  Face Newman head on!  Where the hell is Phyllis?

 

Victor is waiting for Nikki to tell him he’s wrong, that she didn’t go to PaulWilliams with these fingerprints, behind his back.  Fine, he’s not wrong.  Mmm hmm, and what happened?  “He told you to get lost?  Because he’s more concerned with the loss of his wife’s baby?”  Nikki looks at the floor.  These damnfingerprints are not intended to bring down JackAbbott.  They’re about saving his company.  Nikki loses again today.  “Okay, then,” she says, miffed,  handing him the envelope and walking away. 

 

Victor calls Minion.  “Listen, next time get your ass in that church on time.”  He’ll think of a new meeting place.  These fingerprints are VITAL to the next phase of their plan.

Edited April 4, 2015 by peach

[movinon]

 

Whatever, Victor came to say HIS company servers were also breached.  Wait, when did THIS happen?  “It happened just now, in his head,” smirks Gabe.  He’s gonna have to do a lot better than that if he wants to shift suspicion from himself.  He needs to write it in lipstick or something.  How would Victor even KNOW they had a breach?

This is a very good question and nobody seems to be asking that or even to be that upset at finding Victor sprawled out in Jack's chair, except Gabe/Adam.  Jack pissed me off by jumping on Adam instead of calling security or the police to have Victor thrown out of the building.  I hate to think what Victor or his snippy daughter would do if they walked into his office and saw Jack sitting in his chair.  That was a very long recap. peach - thanks for doing it.  

[peach]

This is a very good question and nobody seems to be asking that or even to be that upset at finding Victor sprawled out in Jack's chair, except Gabe/Adam.  Jack pissed me off by jumping on Adam instead of calling security or the police to have Victor thrown out of the building.  I hate to think what Victor or his snippy daughter would do if they walked into his office and saw Jack sitting in his chair.  That was a very long recap. peach - thanks for doing it.  

 

It's highly irritating that Jack isn't USING Adam as a secret weapon against Victor.  Instead, he keeps scolding him for not being a Boy Scout in his second life.  Also, it gives him a lot more plausible reason to keep covering for Adam (when he ends up having to defend it to Billy), because he needs him for this. He pretty much deserves to lose Jabot if he's not going to fight for it tooth and nail. 

[peacheslatour]

It's highly irritating that Jack isn't USING Adam as a secret weapon against Victor.  Instead, he keeps scolding him for not being a Boy Scout in his second life.  Also, it gives him a lot more plausible reason to keep covering for Adam (when he ends up having to defend it to Billy), because he needs him for this. He pretty much deserves to lose Jabot if he's not going to fight for it tooth and nail. 

For the same reason it always is, Jack is portrayed as a bush league candy-assed light weight, who is so ineffectual that he is continually bested by a senile old coot.  I don't love Victor but I would rather have him on my side than Aunty Jack.

[NinjaPenguins]

Poor Jack! He can be on my side. If he wants to butter me up though, he can throw Victor and the chair out a window and make Kyle clean up the mess.

[movinon]

For the same reason it always is, Jack is portrayed as a bush league candy-assed light weight, who is so ineffectual that he is continually bested by a senile old coot.  I don't love Victor but I would rather have him on my side than Aunty Jack.

But you couldn't trust him no to eat you alive, even if he was on your side.  The only side Victor has is his and his stupid FAM-I-LEEEEE.  Even that won't save you - he had Victoria arrested on her wedding day and caused her miscarriage.  Jack maybe couldn't save you, but he would stay with you until the end.  LOL

Edited April 4, 2015 by movinon

[glowlights]

It's highly irritating that Jack isn't USING Adam as a secret weapon against Victor.  Instead, he keeps scolding him for not being a Boy Scout in his second life.  Also, it gives him a lot more plausible reason to keep covering for Adam (when he ends up having to defend it to Billy), because he needs him for this. He pretty much deserves to lose Jabot if he's not going to fight for it tooth and nail. 

 

I'll admit that I've lost the plot on most of these characters and their motivations, to the point where I gave up on trying to watch the last four (five?) eps. These new forced storylines make even less sense than the crap that came before. Why does Dylan have to guard Sharon in her own home when he already noted there is on-site security? Sharon said Nick broke a girl's neck, now it turns out the girl willingly jumped off the roof, and the Newmans got the girl all the medical help she needed and gave her family financial assistance, so what's the fucking problem?

 

Question: what happened to Joe Clark's evil plan to buy up the warehouse district? I'd assumed that Joe's ninjas caused the Underground collapse but it seems like Nick just had a bad handyman and no one's the least bit suspicious?

 

*sigh* Maybe Chuck Pratt is too smart for me.

[NinjaPenguins]

Victor pulled out of the warehouse deal (if only he'd pulled out nine months prior to Nick's birth) for Nikki's sake. His relentless persecution of her baby termite trap was affecting her health. Well, that, and the vodka.

[movinon]

Victor pulled out of the warehouse deal (if only he'd pulled out nine months prior to Nick's birth) for Nikki's sake. His relentless persecution of her baby termite trap was affecting her health. Well, that, and the vodka.

This is the funniest post I have read to be so short.  You are priceless, and I will add Termite Trap to my growing list.

Edited April 5, 2015 by movinon

[glowlights]

Victor pulled out of the warehouse deal (if only he'd pulled out nine months prior to Nick's birth) for Nikki's sake. His relentless persecution of her baby termite trap was affecting her health. Well, that, and the vodka.

 

LOL! 

 

But... that was it? Victor decided that Nikki didn't like the deal, The End? And then The Underground suddenly collapsed, every last brick of it, and it's not part of any broader plot such as the aforementioned ninja revenge? So what the hell was the point of Occupy Warehouses, then. What's the point of any of it? WHY SHOULD I GO ON. Gah.

[NinjaPenguins]

The storyline fizzled out, if I remember correctly. Joe just kind of shrugged his shoulders and said "meh." Of course, maybe the actual point of the whole Occupy Crimson Lights SL was for numerous folks to sing the praises of Dylan and his benevolent brewed beans, hence the plot just gently meandered to a dull, unremarked end having served its purpose.

[miamama]

Why don’t they just throw this damn laptop in the river and go on with their lives?  Austin’s fucking dead, and the police don’t even care.

 

I'm catching up on Peachcaps so this is from some time ago. But this is the question I cannot seem to answer. Why the fuck are these losers trying to decode the videos? Who cares? Austin is dead and the cops have accepted it was an accident. Case closed. The lipstick stalker doesn't want them to investigate. So stop.

[glowlights]

The storyline fizzled out, if I remember correctly. Joe just kind of shrugged his shoulders and said "meh." Of course, maybe the actual point of the whole Occupy Crimson Lights SL was for numerous folks to sing the praises of Dylan and his benevolent brewed beans, hence the plot just gently meandered to a dull, unremarked end having served its purpose.

 

Ha! I think you're right! Much like how this soap has meandered to a dull, unremarked end on my dvr recording schedule...

 

I'm catching up on Peachcaps so this is from some time ago. But this is the question I cannot seem to answer. Why the fuck are these losers trying to decode the videos? Who cares? Austin is dead and the cops have accepted it was an accident. Case closed. The lipstick stalker doesn't want them to investigate. So stop.

 

That's a very good point. My theory: it's just their way to drag out another Waaaaaahhhh storyline for Summer, who is nothing without her waaaaahhhhhs. And get Sharon nailed for a crime. It's a two-fer.

[MollyB]

 

Miamama quote

Why the fuck are these losers trying to decode the videos? Who cares? Austin is dead and the cops have accepted it was an accident. Case closed. The lipstick stalker doesn't want them to investigate. So stop.

Glowlights nailed it.  They have to solve the murder because poor widdle Sumdum needs to know why her precious was muuurrdered.  Doesn't matter that everyone else runs the risk of being clonked in the head, or dead in an amoire-Snotflake neeeds to knooow!  They all love her that much. (dry heaves for Molly).

 

While I'm on a rant-just once when the Finger of Accusation is pointed at Sharon for some(any) heinous crime- I like to see her pull out her calendar and say, "oh, I was at my therapy appointment-wanna talk to my doctor?  Got her on speed dial right here."

[peach]

Thur, Apr 2, 2015   Hellll Noooo

 

My DVR tells me that today, “Michael plans a romantic evening;  Cane and Jill argue.”  I’m not sure I have the personal fortitude to keep up with such a gripping episode, but I suppose I will try.

 

Wow, my DVR didn’t even have the courage to tell me I’ll also be watching Joe's exciting plans for Avery.  He ropes her into having dinner with him at the club, so they can meet with million dollar donors, who happen to be Jack and Phyllis.  Obviously, Avery could just tell him no because she can talk to those two any old time about donating money, but she doesn’t.  Phyllis has a great looking, fancy updo, and she’s just there to decide for herself what Joe Clark is up to with Avery.  Jack doesn’t want to be there while this hacking thing is going on, but a guy’s gotta eat.

 

I guess Chancellor’s not moving their HQ to Chicago, because Cane and Jill are meeting at Crimson Lights.  He snottily explains to her that his opinion on maximizing profits is FACT.  Jill disagrees, so Cane says they’re at a stand-off.  She laughs because he’s so cute when he’s angry.  There’s no stand-off, silly, because SHE’S the boss.  She has the final decision.  Cane thinks it’s about time they reassess how things are structured at Chancellor.  Haha.  I’m sure she’ll just hand it all right over to you, Cane. 

 

Moody Michael is all romantic this evening with Lauren.  She reminds him what a nasty, grouchy jerk he was the last time she tried this, but he says to chalk it up to working too much or something besides his generally awful personality.   He’s excited about closing in on the end of his uneventful radiation treatment that we had to hear so much bitching about.  Lauren’s also excited to celebrate, but their making out is interrupted by Kevin.  Lauren leaves.

 

Kevin was summoned for a lecture by Michael about improperly using the GCPD computer system.  Kev finds it inconvenient that his boss and brother are friends, and that Paul also ratted on Kevin for not revealing what he was up to.  “I’m not tellin’ you either,” says Kevin.  Michael demands to know the story.  Dear Lord, don’t tell HIM anything.  He loves turning people over to Paul.

 

Dylan stops by the cottage, and then Courtney and Noah pop in right behind him.  I guess they’re running out of pleather for Pleather Week, because only the front of Sharon’s pants are made of it.  Friday, they’ll just be left with pleather patches or something.  Noah has big news.  “Mom, we’re getting married.”  Sharon’s stunned and thrilled.  She wants to hear everything!  When is the wedding?  “Tomorrow,” says Noah.  Of course it is.   <peach stares at the ceiling for a minute>  This show.

 

Cane complains about buckling to Colin’s blackmail, which seems like his own damn fault, and hardly the makings of a Number One guy if you ask me.  But if Jill’s going to make him stick to his agreement, let him remind her that she promised Colin wouldn’t be involved in running Chancellor.  But here he is, in her ear, BY HER SIDE.  In fact, here he is now.

 

Kevin assures Michael he’s using his super powers for good.  “Side bar:  Should I be troubled that you think you have super powers?” snarks Michael.  Just trust Kevin on this.  He’s not doing anything wrong.  Well, Paul disagrees, and there’s nobody this defense attorney trusts more than the Chief of Police, so what’s the big secret?  Kevin claims he didn’t want Michael rubbing his face in his own stupidity.  It was just a dumb mistake and not a big deal.  Michael shouts at him for screwing up his life and getting close to fired, etc.  But never mind, because he doesn’t have TIME to worry about Kevin, too.  Kevin frowns, like, wth?

 

Sharon is laughing in surprise that Noah is getting married tomorrow.  She’s excited, but it’s a shock.  But they really, really, really want Shick to be at the wedding.  “We want your blessing,” says Noah.  They haven’t told Nick yet, but they’re sure he’s going to be shocked as well.  Dylan notes this is sort of sudden.  Yeah, but in so many ways it’s not sudden at all, says Noah.  Right?  He loves this woman, and he doesn’t want to wait because life’s too short.  Courtney says all cops know that, and she promises Sharon she’s never been more sure about anyone with a trust fund in her whole life. 

 

“What’s on your mind, Mom?” asks Noah.  Probably that there’s not enough time to draw up the pre-nup, but she gets emotional and says he’ll always be her little boy, but he’s grown into a great guy, and she’s just happy that Shick hasn’t completely destroyed his belief in marriage.  Of course they have her blessing!  She’ll be front row at the wedding.

 

Joe’s glad that Phack will have dinner with him.  Phyllis has an off center triangle cut out in her dress that I find distracting, because it should be in the center, or maybe I’m just that bored.  They note this is quite a leap from his last endeavor in GC, when he was secretly working with Victor Newman.  Oh, no secrets this time, this charity is a personal passion of his.  “I bet,” says Phyllis.

 

The gentleman head to the bar, so Avery and Phyllis can argue about how business this business really is.  Avery protesteth too much, and promises that after hearing Joe out, Phyllis will see all this in a new light.  Over dinner, Joe explains the work of the charity and then tells Phack he used to be one of those abused kids.  Avery beams and smiles at him worshipfully.

 

Cane gets even pissier about Jill inviting Colin to sit down and discuss Cane’s hilarious idea of restructuring leadership at Chancellor.  Colin thought things were going quite well!  “Not for me,” retorts Cane.  Jill leans back in her chair and suggests Cane’s issues are all about his misplaced anger over his rotten marriage to Lily, while she and Colin are going strong.  Cane’s like, seriously?  He’s supposed to be jealous of a marriage based on blackmail and backstabbing?  Yes, they have way more fun than you and uptight Lily. 

 

Cane says his private and personal life are separate, but insists he and Lily are back on track.  Jill doesn’t believe that’s true.  And he NEEDS to stop obsessing about Chancellor and put more energy into his marriage.  See, Cane, this is what happens when you go into business with your pseudo mom.  Jill notices Lauren walk onto the terrace, so she wants to go talk to her.  “Are we done?” she asks Cane.  “Yeah.  We’re very done,” pouts Cane.  Jill leaves, and Cane starts to pouty leave also, but Colin stops him.  “I got two words for ya,” Colin says.  “Move on.”  Cane sneers.

 

Kevin’s still frowning and wondering what Michael’s problem is.  “You had your chance to come clean, Kevin.  Just don’t come running to me to bail you out when you get in trouble.”  Okay, he won’t.  He gets that Michael’s upset about him getting suspended, but he’s wound so TIGHT.  Did he get some bad news from the doctor?  “Good news,” snaps Michael.  Um, okay?  He’s almost finished radiation and is about to start hormone therapy.  Kevin questions him about setbacks or problems, and Michael snaps NO, while glaring at him like he’s going to rip his throat out.  Such a barrel of fun.

 

Sharon oohs and aahs over Courtney and her ring, and Courtney says they’re having a simple wedding AT THE PARK with a JUSTICE OF THE PEACE.  Omg, maybe I’ll have an Archer rampage RIGHT NOW.  THIS F’ING SHOW!!  Wealthy legacy character chooses yet another cheap ass Winters Express Wedding Package With Optional Hot Dogs.  I do not watch soap operas for the glamorous and romantic sidewalk weddings, show!

 

I slowly unclench my fists while Noah asks Dylan why he has to keep checking on his mom.  He’s just trying to put the pieces together, Noah.  Noah gets agitated.  How could Dylan think she had anything to do with this?!  Dylan says Faith told him they were in the woods, and I guess there’s only one patch of woods around this entire horse ranch.  The patch where murders happen.  Noah hisses that Faith is a CHILD and doesn’t understand.  That’s why Dylan’s there, to talk to Sharon about it.  “To question her??  You’re trying to dig up some dirt on her while you’re smiling in her face?  I am sick of people lying to my mother and getting in her head!”

 

Sharon notices this conversation getting edgy and asks what’s going on.  Noah stares at her.  “Look…Austin was murdered.”  Courtney just stares at him like ixnay on the urdermay!  “It’s true.  And Dylan thinks you did it!”

 

Avery can’t think of any greater pain than the kind of abuse Joe suffered.  So I guess Dylan officially loses the pity contest.  Jack is prepared to make a generous contribution to Better Days.  And they’ll ask all their family and friends to donate instead of buying Phack any wedding gifts.  Avery’s THRILLED!  Phyllis still looks slightly skeptical.  Or maybe she just wanted some wedding presents.

 

Colin says he’s just looking out for Cane.  He does understand that he wishes he was higher up the food chain.  “Where I SHOULD be,” says Cane haughtily.  Yeah, well Jill’s not going to give him any more power, duh.  Despite how long he’s wanted to take over Chancellor, Jill’s wanted it longer.  “So basically you’re telling me I should shut my mouth and have no input at Chancellor, even though it’s my input that’s led the company to its recent success.”  Must be pretty damn recent since they took it over five minutes ago.  Colin’s like, pretty much.  Oh, and let Colin become the official Number Two?  “Hellll nooo.” 

 

Colin laughs.  He doesn’t need the title.  Cane can keep being the official Pile of Crap, but he did call it when he said Colin has his wife’s ear.  “You played us both, didn’t you?” complains Cane.  Too bad, so sad.  But he really doesn’t want there to be problems between Cane and his fake mother.  So, here’s an idea.  “Find another company.  One where you can reap the accolades and have the success you desire.”  Yeah, just go take over a different Fortune 500.  What’s the big deal?  “I’m not going anywhere,” breathes Cane.

 

Lauren cries on Jill’s shoulder about what a high maintenance idiot Michael is. 

 

Michael pretends all is well, but he’s not fooling Kevin.  He knows Michael is faking his enthusiasm about Lauren.  “You’re delusional,” says Michael.  No, he’s actually having some pretty serious déjà vu of when Michael covered up his cancer diagnosis.  “So what are you lying to your wife about this time?”  Michael jumps up with his murder face again.

 

Lauren’s made it from the Crimson Lights terrace to the GCAC bar for a glass of wine.  Cane’s waiting around for Lily to get out of a meeting.  “It’s a lot more fun to wait with a buddy,” says Lauren.  He can talk to her about his Chancellor woes if he wants to.  Thanks but he just wants a cold beer and for this day to be over.  Sorry, Cane, but we have 30 minutes to go.  Lauren giggles and orders this man a cold beer!

 

Michael sits down and bitches and moans to Kevin about how it’s going to be all over for him as a man and how Lauren refuses to see it.  He can’t go back to how it was!!  Kevin has a much bigger imagination than Michael and tells him to move forward with Lauren instead.  Michael says Lauren’s happiness is all that matters to him, which he exhibits by snarling at her all the time, and he owes her that happiness, no matter what it takes.  Unless it involves friendliness.

 

Jack will wire the money to the foundation.  Phyllis catches Joe in the lobby.  She says he can expect more donations, because what he went through has a powerful effect on people.  “You think I’m using my past to lure your soft-hearted sister away from Dylan, huh?”  Yep.  “Are you?” she asks.  Joe plays a violin and blathers about how Avery’s the only one he could ever open to about his terrible past, blah blah.  They have a deep bond.  “The deepest,” says Phyllis knowingly.

 

Sharon argues with Dylan about his nosy suspicions.  Super Dylan’s just trying to SOLVE this and the more honest she is the better.  Fine, she’ll give him the truth.  She had a PANIC ATTACK, with her child in the back seat!  Faith was asleep while Sharon was hyperventilating and thinking her heart was going to explode!! WHILE DRIVING.  That’s not really much of a better story, Sharon.  But she kept driving thinking it would calm her down.  Well, Faith said she was driving IN THE WOODS, or is she saying Faith made that up? 

 

“Okay, ya got me, Dylan.  I really didn’t expect Faith to ruin this for me!  Yeah, I drove to the Abbott Cabin and murdered Austin.  But I didn’t want to leave the body laying there, that was too messy.  There was a SNOWSTORM outside, and my child was in the back seat, but I figured, hey,  I’m gonna use my SUPER HUMAN strength and drag Austin’s body into the car and make it look like he had an accident!”  Thank you for pointing out this stupid writing, Sharon.  That’s what Dylan wants her to say, isn’t it?  ISN’T IT?  She pushes Dylan a few times until he grabs her arms.  “You think I’m crazy, why don’t you just admit it?”

 

Jack tells Phyllis it feels good to do good stuff in the world.  But what does she think about Joe?  Phyllis says she was right, he wants Avery back.  “Well, that can’t happen!  She’s engaged to Dylan.”  Yeah, but Avery’s a sucker for the underdog.  She’ll never to listen to Phyllis, but if Avery’s not careful,  she’ll find herself drawn back to Joe muy pronto.

 

Avery’s upstairs gushing over Joe’s amazingness for convincing her own sister to give them money.  “You have the ability to get into people’s [pants] hearts and make the understand this cause can change lives!  You’re going to help so many women and children with this charity!!!”  She practically licks his face.  Joe  hugs her and says sweet dreams, she deserves them.  Now get on back to your fiancé with his paltry PTSD war hero barista problems.

 

Kevin meets Courtney and Noah at Crimson Lights.  “Why would you guys want to talk about the investigation tonight?  You’re getting married tomorrow!” IKR, but the script says so.  Noah tells him they told Sharon about Austin’s murder.  Kevin’s jaw drops hard.  OH EM GEE!  “How many people are we going to bring into this?!” Probably all of them.  Courtney baby talks about how she’s got to see that park surveillance footage that nobody looked at when Abby got mugged.  If they could just figure out why Austin was following Jack, maybe they can shut this all down BEFORE the wedding that they’re having in less than 24 hours for no apparent reason. 

 

Noah’s aggravated.  Kevin already got caught!  If she tries this, she could get kicked off the force.  Yeah, but she’s marrying you now, so no big.  But Paul will ask a bunch of questions they do NOT want him asking!  Kevin says thanks to his own epic fail, he can help Courtney do it herself without getting caught by alarmed firewalls.  Noah just shakes his head, like, why is this show so stupid?

 

Sharon throws open her door and tells Dylan to get the hell out!  Hey, he’s just trying to figure out what happened that night.  “Well, I don’t know what happened because I wasn’t at the cabin!  I did not kill Austin. I am not some horrible monster!”  Dylan knows that, but “things” sometimes get out of control.  Cough*ranchburner*cough.  She can’t believe he would think she could take that hot young man’s life while her daughter was asleep in the car!  Omg, did he tell NICK about this?!  No, and he didn’t tell those meddling kids, either. 

 

He understands why she wouldn’t want Nick getting wind of it.  “The kids saw the interview about Nick on Austin’s computer.  They told me what you said.”  She sadly says Dylan thinks she killed him to keep it from getting out…so she could use it for leverage against Nick.  “This looks bad.  It looks real bad, Sharon.”  He leaves.  I guess he does think she has super human strength.

 

Jill is surprised to hear Colin told Cane to step aside.  How’d he take it? “He understood,” says Colin.  Understood you’re jerks.  “Prepare for battle.  When my son wants something, he goes after it,” warns Colin.  Jill shrugs it off.  She knew this day would come, but with Colin by her side, it won’t be much of a fight.  He doesn’t look so sure.  What lovely parents.

 

Lauren giggle chats with Cane.  Michael texts her that he’s not coming because work.  Lauren’s so over it already.  Cane says Lily will be in her meeting for another hour, sooo, wanna get some dinner?  “Why not?  Yeah,” says Lauren.  Well, that sums up the current plotlines.   But Michael was being sketchy.  He is NOT at work.  He was skulking around the corner, and watches Lauren and Cane go off to some cozy part of the dining room….sooort of like that was his plan all along.  Cuz that’s not weird to foist your wife onto a married man because you have prostate cancer.  Are we sure it’s not brain cancer?

 

Jack says, “I want to talk about Us.”  Phyllis says, “I love talking about us,” in such a way that it makes Jack laugh unexpectedly.  I think she adlibbed that, you guys.  And it was cute.  Anyway, she’s fine with him offering to turn her wedding gifts into donations cuz they already have all the things.

 

Courtney talks to Noah some more about why she has to do this on her wedding eve.  Seems like you’d either postpone your wedding OR your secret sleuth murder investigation, but Courtney is a modern, multi-tasking, independent woman.  Who talks in a baby voice, but I guess Noah really does want a girl, just like the girl, that married dear old Dad.  She plans on spending many, many years together, but they can’t settle in with a murderer running around and anvils dropping all over the place.  She needs to put an end to this.  He’s freaking out, but he’s not gonna stop her.   Kevin says if she wants to pull this off, she has to exactly as he says.

 

Avery comes home and admits to Dylan that she had dinner with Joe for the charity.  Dylan’s like, meh, that’s okay, I was busy with something, too.  Okay, whatever.  They really know how to ratchet up the suspense.

 

Sharon’s standing in her cottage, when, GASP!  FLASHBACK!  She suddenly remembers standing outside in the cold on Valentine’s Night.  Bright lights shine in her face!  She squints.  My kid walked by and said, ALIENS!  That would explain a lot around there.

 

Sharon looks around the cottage in shock.  Alien abduction is fairly alarming. 

[glowlights]

My DVR tells me that today, “Michael plans a romantic evening;  Cane and Jill argue.”  I’m not sure I have the personal fortitude to keep up with such a gripping episode, but I suppose I will try.

 

peach, I adore you. That is all. :)

[MollyB]

And The Kid SCOOORES!