Jessa, Ben and Their Brood: Making a (Diaper) Mountain out of a Mold House

[Absolom]

They've managed to weave in Josh and Anna, but he has a job because of the TV show so that's symbiotic.  I don't think that they can hope for that to happen again.  I don't think any of this has been emotionally healthy for Ben.  I fear that in a few years he'll wake up and realize what happened to him and how he lost control of his life to Jim Bob.

[WTFFF]

I see Ben as the Smuggar type, totally content to ride someone else's coattails to financial security and, even better, a ton of people paying attention to him even though he has nothing of value to say.  And the Duggar lfestyle requires no introspection or personal growth, so he can stay the way he is forever and never be challenged.  I think he'll be fine.  I think Derick, on the other hand, would do well to create his own life.  I think he's way too sincere in his faith and his desire to actually help others to fall into the Gothard way.  Fingers crossed, at least.

[starfire]

Fuzzysox, on 26 Jul 2014 - 4:52 PM, said:

Seems like Bin is living with the Duggars now since he is ALWAYS with them. Does he sleep in the guest house when he isn't on the famewhoring stinkbus?

 

 

I was wondering about that. He seems to be with Jessa a lot and I read that he lives several hundred miles away. And he supposedly works 2 jobs (for an insurance company and doing windshield repair) and goes to community college.  Maybe Boob rents him a tent on the back 40.

[Absolom]

He hasn't been working at the insurance place for a few months now.  Nor has he been seen at the community college since spring.  The story was that he was moving to the Fayetteville area to attend the University of Arkansas.  We'll see if he actually enrolls in the next few weeks.  I fear Ben has become entangled in Jim Bob's coils and will have to work to become his own man making his own decisions. 

[abseedee]

Ben's latest FB post looks like an essay.  Didn't bother to read it.

[mbutterfly]

I couldn't resist taking a look. Whatever happened to assessing one's self in private? They are truly the very opposite of modest. 

[Absolom]

It was a lot of typical fundie blather.  He could have basically cribbed it from any number of sources. 

[abseedee]

I couldn't resist taking a look. Whatever happened to assessing one's self in private? They are truly the very opposite of modest. 

I scrolled down to read some of the comments and most was oohing and aahing at what he has written (also, which some think he didn't write). 

[BitterApple]

Ugh, so you mean to tell me Bin has his very own set of leg humpers on FB?

He's neither in school nor working and Jessa does little besides post heavily photoshopped selfies on Instagram and still people look up to these two?!

[Absolom]

He's neither in school nor working and Jessa does little besides post heavily photoshopped selfies on Instagram and still people look up to these two?!

 

Astounding, isn't it? 

[starfire]

If he's unemployed, having the words "Business Person" under his name on Facebook is pretty weird.

 

Actually, it's pretty weird even is he is employed. "Business Person"?

[JessDVD]

Okay, I actually looked through the last few weeks of Ben's FB page, and it's all selfies (I hate that word but whatever), sanctimonious posts about religious/political topics, or somewhat less sanctimonious Scripture - nothing that I would call remotely interesting.  And people follow, and even comment on this stuff. The Internet is dead to me.

[riverblue22]

I have taken a dislike to old Ben and I am a bit late to the party on that.  But I could care less who Jessa ends up with, so I hope the two selfie lovers enjoy their future full of blessings.  I do hope Jana has better luck when her father assigns a courting partner to her.

[DangerousMinds]

If he's unemployed, having the words "Business Person" under his name on Facebook is pretty weird.

 

Actually, it's pretty weird even is he is employed. "Business Person"?

Hilarious!!

[riverblue22]

After watching some of the older shows I am thinking that Jessa, unlike Jana and Jill, is not one of Jim Bob's favorites.  I don't think he was worried about finding a perfect match for her like he managed to do for Jill.   Ben meets the minimum requirements--he's strong, religious, and malleable.  Even though he hasn't found a way to maintain a family, Jim Bob probably figures he can hand off the car lot to him or have him work around the rental properties.  The best thing Ben has going is his father's business, and Jim Bob will  probably take advantage of that and put some of those prefab homes on his property, at a good discount.  I don't think Jim Bob will miss that girl much.

[Sew Sumi]

Jessa has dusted off her "Jessa Seewald" IG page and has posted on it for the last three days, after months of radio silence. I wonder if this (finally) confirms her engagement? I also wonder if BinBob's last FB blathering, Deep Thoughts were his final offering to Boob to show that he was worthy. Jessa "Seewald" started posting right after that. 

 

Hmmm....

[Marigny]

I still don't understand why she is posting using his last name. 

[lottiedottie]

I still don't understand why she is posting using his last name. 

Because that's what girls who are emotionally stunted do. If you are never allowed to develop normally (interactions with all kinds of people, including those of the opposite sex) you never learn how to act. Her using his last name is the equivalent of me writing the name of the boy I liked on my notebooks when I was 12 or 13. 

[Fostersmom]

Actually, it's one of the more normal things Jessa has done. I don't get it, but I see teens and young adults doing the name thing all over social media. Using boyfriends last names as their own, signing up for email addresses using boyfriend's last name, claiming random friends are siblings on Facebook or listing random adults as parents. I had a lot of young adult employees and a good percentage of the girls did it and the boys weren't exactly complaining. 

 

Personally, I'd be pissed if it was my kid doing it. But my nephew's girlfriend does it. Her mother is a crazy drunken drug addict who literally signed custody of her over to her second kid's dad, abandoning her and her sister. Poor girl didn't find out she was adopted by dad until she was like 12 (mom left when she was 6). Mom came back when she was about 14 and demanded visitation. Dad made her pay child support for both kids and mom decided to trade any visitation away if she didn't have to pay support. Dad isn't exactly the best either. Girlfriend calls my sister mommy, my mom Grandma, and me Aunt (as do all my nephews… just Aunt, no name involved). She's 17 or 18, my nephew is 19, and they've dated for like 5 years. They say they are engaged and getting married after college. Honestly the poor girl has such a horrifically messed up family that telling her it's not okay would be like kicking a puppy. 

[overbooked]

Ben's  dad, Michael, has quite a post entitled "Marrying Young" at seewalds com.  Lots of jabs at dads who make young suitors jump thru hoops to be allowed to court their daughters and much more.  I wonder if Ben has been complaining to him about his "frustration" level. I don't think the elder Seewalds will be invited over to casa Duggar for tatertot casserole any time soon.  All in all  a very  passive-aggressive display peppered with the requisite Bible verses.

Edited August 10, 2014 by overbooked

[cereality]

Wow -- if they want a Duggar daughter in their family, I'm thinking that calling out the Duggars directly re overzealous protection by the fathers of their daughters or the absurdity of "giving away pieces of your heart" or not giving young people any room to develop a relationship is probably not the right move. He makes apologies for his son -- that a 20 yr old is not going to be as wise or mature as a 40 yr old dad.

 

He and the mom seemed DESPERATE to get Jessa and Ben together -- you could practically see it at that dinner. Do they not realize that the Duggars like sycophants and not people who call them out? I kind of wonder if this is the beginning of the end of the relationship. He says something about how not ending up with someone that you pursued a relationship with isn't the end of the world -- you haven't given away a piece of your heart bc you haven't had sex. I wonder if both sides are realizing this won't work? Maybe Pa Duggar has had a change of heart about Ben and that's why he's insisting that everything be super slow, and maybe the Seewalds are offended by that because they think their son is a catch and shouldn't be made to jump through hoops. With this post out there, if they want to break it off, they easily can. Just let it fizzle from the Duggar side and the Seewalds can make a few more statements about how Ben is ready to be married and didn't desire a years long courtship -- he thought he was getting into a standard 3 month fundie courtship which would end in marriage.

 

The overall tone is offensive -- though I guess in their world there won't be too many adults pushing 30 or beyond who are unmarried -- bc he makes us all sound like worthless losers.

[Iwadre]

Jessa is instagraming again and it seems very transparent that she is supporting Joy in healthier eating habits. She's doing a food challenge and eating sweet potatoes and chicken/eggs and green beans. It seems nice that is helping out her younger sis, but also most teens go through different weight phases so putting a focus on weight loss when you are super young and NOT overweight seems unwise. I can't imagine having that many older sisters and not fitting into the Duggar mold. 

[DangerousMinds]

If all these adults really think "giving away a piece of your heart" is solely related to the act of intercourse, they obviously didn't have many experiences, sexual or not, of their own. And how does Ben's dad think his 20-year old HS-educated son will support a new family if he marries now?

[Marigny]

 

 

He and the mom seemed DESPERATE to get Jessa and Ben together -- you could practically see it at that dinner. Do they not realize that the Duggars like sycophants and not people who call them out? I kind of wonder if this is the beginning of the end of the relationship. He says something about how not ending up with someone that you pursued a relationship with isn't the end of the world -- you haven't given away a piece of your heart bc you haven't had sex. I wonder if both sides are realizing this won't work? Maybe Pa Duggar has had a change of heart about Ben and that's why he's insisting that everything be super slow, and maybe the Seewalds are offended by that because they think their son is a catch and shouldn't be made to jump through hoops. With this post out there, if they want to break it off, they easily can. Just let it fizzle from the Duggar side and the Seewalds can make a few more statements about how Ben is ready to be married and didn't desire a years long courtship -- he thought he was getting into a standard 3 month fundie courtship which would end in marriage.

 

The fact that they would drive several hours to attend services at St. Pickle's Basilica was all the proof needed that these folks were going to hitch themselves to the Duggar gravy train, come hell or high water. Seeing them in action on the show was just the cherry on top of it all. As the kids say, "The thirst is real!" Maybe Pa Seewald thought they would be desperate to marry off a daughter, that she and the family would fall head over heels, and Ben would end up with a hand out (a la Josh) by association. The introduction of Derrick only magnified BinBoob's inadequacies. Pop's post just confirms what some of us have been saying for a while: Boob is having second thoughts. 

[Absolom]

I find the whole having to court/date in public and on a TV show disturbing.  Young people should have privacy for determining if they are suitable for marriage.  I'm much more worried for them having this play out so publicly than I am over whether they hold hands or kiss. 

Edited August 10, 2014 by Absolom

[Readalot]

WOW. Did Bin's dad call out JimBoob or what?! It been almost a year since Benessa started so how could you not interpret his blog post any other way? Dang daddy, at least wait till your kid is not a teenager anymore before you push him into marriage. (My .02. Married at 22, both of us. We knew each other since 13, so we weren't strangers. Married 24 years. I have to say we weren't the same people at 28 or 32 that we were at 22. Fortunate we were able to evolve with each other. For that reason we are advising out daughters to marry after college at a minimum.). And yes Bin's dad we are still advising them to wait for marriage. We think if you have other focuses than SEX SEX SEX it's quite possible to make it to marriage pure.

[ginger90]

Although they say otherwise, sex is the "heart" of the matter, isn't it?  They can and cannot do certain things because it could lead to sex. If everything is based on that, it makes for a pretty tense courtship, imo.

[cereality]

The reality is that things were fine for Ben until Derick came along. Ben was what the Duggars imagined their sons in law to be -- minimally educated, fanatically religious, and needing their father/father in law to set up a business for them. Then Derick comes along with the college degree and a corporate job and is still a Christian. As much as the Duggars don't want their own kids going down that road, JB does love his daughters and I think the realization may be hitting him that their lives will be easier and more similar to how they are accustomed to living, if they marry someone with an education/career/trade -- of which Ben has none. This -- combined with the fact that they didn't quickly need a newlywed couple bc they got one -- may have led JB to slow things down and put more obstacles before Ben; there's been talk that Ben is going to U. Arkansas this semester -- maybe JB is "requiring" that and Pa Seewald feels those are too many demands.

 

I'm surprised Pa Seewald didn't directly call out Derick -- all those book learning kind of guys who need to be in college for yrs delay the age for marriage and thus people look at a 19 yr old wanting to take a wife as odd; Derick's got to be at least 24-25. I wouldn't be surprised if the Ben/Jessa courtship comes to an end. Though if JB is feeling like "God is calling him" to veto this, he should tell his daughter to get off social media and lay off the selfies. It will be easier to fade away if they haven't been seen in awhile, rather than posting selfies up until the night before the break up.

[floridamom]

I would love to read Ben's dad's post. Would someone post that to this so I can click on it? I can't find it elsewhere. Thanks, fellow posters so much.

[riverblue22]

What happens to Jessa if she breaks up with Ben?  Even though she hasn't had sex, or kissed, or held hands (Heaven forbid!) she already has a universe of selfies with her beau.  Wouldn't she seem kind of yesterday's news to the other courting men?  All those pictures, wearing her heart on her sleeve, aren't going to do her any favors looking for the next fellow.  Hopefully Ben will jump through the right hoops and please Jim Bob so he can finally marry her daughter.  I'm starting to agree with these fundies--a short engagement is good.  Ben and Jessa's has been too long already.

Edited August 10, 2014 by riverblue22

[Fostersmom]

It's seewalds.com. Make sure you use the s at the end or you get an artist's site. 

 

Here's my takeaway. Ben is itching to get married, but JimBob won't sign off since Ben is 18 and can't provide for a wife and the 10 kids sure to be following. And this is bad, why?

 

I'm sure JimBob is more than aware of the poverty a lot of these fundy families live in. Look at how the Bateses lived when we met them. Or Anna's sister lives in now. Or the countless fundy families I'm sure the Duggars have seen at any one of the churches they speak at or even at Big Sandy type things. Yeah, before the TTH, the Duggars had a small house, but they had plenty of money, had the land and the parts to build the TTH, just not the time to do it yet. JimBob has made good financial decisions, like him or not. 

 

To me, it sounds like Ben's dad is saying Ben is feeling the itch to cheat or end the courtship since he's tired of JB's hoops. Yeah, horrible JB, how dare you not want your daughter to be dirt poor and popping out kids she can't afford while her teenage husband has no real job. It's boiling down to Ben is horny and wants to get himself some. Sooner, rather than later. 

[cereality]

What happens to Jessa if she breaks up with Ben?  Even though she hasn't had sex, or kissed, or held hands (Heaven forbid!) she already has a universe of selfies with her beau.  Wouldn't she seem kind of yesterday's news to the other courting men?  All those pictures, wearing her heart on her sleeve, aren't going to do her any favors looking for the next fellow.  Hopefully Ben will jump through the right hoops and please Jim Bob so he can finally marry her daughter.  I'm staring to agree with these fundies--a short engagement is good.  Ben and Jessa's has been too long already.

She'll be yesterday's news to fundie men, but I'm not certain she wants that anyway -- despite her courtship with Ben. To the regular conservative Christians out there -- people who'd be friends with Derick or with cousin Amy -- she'd be like anyone else; she had a relationship for a yr, it wasn't physical, it didn't work out so she moved on. It wouldn't be the end of the world for her. Besides she's pretty and has Duggar fame -- frankly she could probably even find another fundie and find a way to blame the whole thing on the Seewalds rushing her or Ben not being financially able to take a wife.

[JessDVD]

Well, that sure was an interesting read. News flash to Mr. Seewald: there is a decade (literally) of difference between someone unmarried at 30, and someone getting married at 20. I agree that there are definitely pitfalls to waiting until 30 to get married/have kids, but it's not like the only other option is getting married at 20. Plus, way to throw all the people who just haven't met the right person yet, under the bus.

 

There really is not one "right" way to do any of this, and didactic posts like that are irritating. I'm glad that I met the right guy when I was 20 and was married at 22 and am expecting my last (4th) child now at age 30, but that doesn't mean my friend who's also 30 and hasn't met the right guy yet is wrong, just in a different situation.

 

Also, all of these marry young! vigilantes would really do a better job of convincing me of their case if they were showing ANY signs at all of doing their best to equip their young men and women for a successful life in America as a married 20-21 year old. Sure, I totally concede that you don't *need* a bachelor's degree, depending on what you want to do, but if they showed that Ben was working on a 2-year trade school thing to become (insert whatever you like here - auto mechanic, welder, blue collar worker, etc), their case would come off a lot better. Also? Ben and Jessa might be engaged by this point because he could be done by now.

[Sew Sumi]

I was in shock when I saw Guinn's IG post with the new website in full view (I didn't even bother to read the post; the website was visible on the laptop pic). My jaw dropped when I read Mike's passive-aggressive screed. Sure, no names were named, but by using Gothard verbiage (ie. "pieces of your heart"), it's clear to whom it was aimed. I hope Boob catches wind of this and calls the entire thing off.

 

OR Jessa runs off with Bin. That would confirm Mike's supposition that "some girls" marry to "run away" from the lifestyle. However, without the Duggar Safety Net, I doubt Blessa is going anywhere, and Boob knows that. It's his trump card in this whole 11th "monthiversary" shit.

[andromeda331]

There really is not one "right" way to do any of this, and didactic posts like that are irritating. I'm glad that I met the right guy when I was 20 and was married at 22 and am expecting my last (4th) child now at age 30, but that doesn't mean my friend who's also 30 and hasn't met the right guy yet is wrong, just in a different situation.

 

 

This thinking sadly isn't to far off in the real world at least in mine. I've lost count how many people who marry in their twenties and can't figure out why people reach their thirties still single.

[floridamom]

Thank you "Fostersmom" for the help to the site.

 

Can't believe what I read! Mr. Seewald is obvious to me that he is directing that to Jim Bob. I'm not sure what the fundamental differences are between the actual sect of fundamentalism that they each follow, but it sounds like he thinks the Duggars are too tight with their kids. Ben did/does? attend a community college nearby and actually went to classes with others. Doesn't look like he was going to be set up to work with his father in the pre-fab housing business either or be denied  a college education even if he was going for an associates degree and stopped there. Is there some dissent between the Seewalds and Derick? Do they see HIM as the "golden son-in-law" to date?

 

On the other hand, I sometimes believed that this whole Jessa/Ben "romance' was a set up for the show, and was a deterrent for Jill and Derick to have some privacy "as it was happening". This "rant" from Ben's camp may be a planted way out for those two to go their separate ways. Maybe Jessa isn't aware of this. Jim Bob and Michelle would really be playing with their daughter's heart. Maybe after all this time, Ben actually grew on Jessa and she got used to him..? What are some of your opinions out there about this? I would like to read them. You are all quite witty, sharp- minded and articulate.

[Fostersmom]

You are very welcome! 

 

I've long said I don't think this relationship would have ever got this far if it wasn't for Ben's aunt blabbing all over Facebook. They barely knew each other when the aunt started posting Ben was dating Jessa. After that, there was damage control done to save face for Jessa. Had it never come out, she could have easily walked away. I do think Jessa has grown to like him, possibly even love him, but I don't see this relationship sitting well with JimBob. Michelle is an idiot and seemingly can't help but imagine her 18 year old self with this 18 year old child, or is he 19 now? I think JB knows Ben is a dud and wants much more for Jessa. JB has plenty of his own sons to worry about giving jobs to, but now he's got to somehow make sure Ben is able to support his daughter and grandchildren too? Ben's dad can write all the blogs he wants, but maybe he should have made sure his son was prepared to raise this family he's pushing so hard for him to have. 

[DangerousMinds]

This thinking sadly isn't to far off in the real world at least in mine. I've lost count how many people who marry in their twenties and can't figure out why people reach their thirties still single.

Different areas of the country, different social groups obviously have very different views on this in 2014. In my experience, people are strongly encouraged, even 100% expected, to wait for children (not necessarily marriage), until they are absolutely sure that they will be able to afford them completely, including plans to provide for their college funds. In the fundie world, since birth control is verboten, they will all likely start their families within a year of marriage, while very young and often making little income. It can be a hard road, and they don't believe in welfare/food stamps/etc., do they?

 

No one I knew in college and afterward (save one couple who married at about age 24, and both were in grad school) even thought or mentioned getting married in our 20's. It's amazing how people can be worlds apart in the same country.

Edited August 10, 2014 by DangerousMinds

[Marigny]

After reading Michael's BS/canned response to a poster that flat out asked if the post was about BinBoob & the Princess, I'm convinced that it was a snipe at Boob. 

[Sew Sumi]

In the other post Mike Seewald made, he said he repaired windshields for a living. The prefab stuff was earlier. So now we know that BinBob didn't own his own business; he'd be in competition with his dad who claims to work 60 hours a week.

 

We'll see soon enough whether or not BibBoob actually got into and enrolled at U of A. And doing a bit of digging regarding transfer requirements, he has to be admitted as a junior. He was a freshman in college last fall, and according to some rumors, didn't even finish out the spring. I say no fucking way he can transfer what few creidts he has into a four year school, even one as lax as Arkansas. I know the transfer process in CA and even to get into the state schools, no the UC's, it's required that you finish your GE stuff.

[riverblue22]

Sounds like Bin is a chip off the old block.

[PinkSprinkles]

I know that my state schools have an agreement with one in-state community college system to accept certain classes for GE credit (math, science, english, ect.).

 

However, why does Ben need to transfer to U of A? Many community colleges offer outstanding degree programs that can help someone support a family. Many people I have known over the years have gotten their associates from CC and when they started working had their employer pay for them to get their B.S. while they were working. Unless Ben is wanting to have a job that requires a 4-year degree (there aren't many anymore because everything is shifting towards masters or higher) then he should just get an associate degree or look into trade school. 

[starfire]

Sounds like Bin is a chip off the old block.

or a chip off the old windshield?

[Ljohnson1987]

Ben and Jessa are kind of yesterday's news, until he puts a ring on it. Everyone is on Dill baby watch. 

[Iwadre]

Instagram letter from Ben. I'm sorry I couldn't resist! Cute sentiment, but just about the dorkiest love letter I've ever seen;) My husband was just learning English when we met and his letters to me were at a higher English language level!  Poor guy is trying so hard, but is terrible at being romantic, and they have no real experiences together to really write about anything of meaning. These poor horny kids. I almost want to say get married so all this sexual frustration can be done with! 

 

My Dearest Jessa Lauren,

These elegant pearls looked quite majestic when I picked them out. However, they were a bit lonely...What good are such beautiful pearls if not to have the grace of being worn by one so elegant and majestic as yourself? These pearls were lonely...just like I am when we're apart; but not anymore! I love you precious Princess!

Your Man,

Ben

 

B+J

Edited August 12, 2014 by Iwadre

[Marigny]

^ Da fuq did I just read? 

[abseedee]

^ Da fuq did I just read? 

Trying to figure it out myself.  Um...I didn't know pearls get lonely

[Iwadre]

^ Da fuq did I just read? 

He's a keeper... I mean a creeper! 

[Sew Sumi]

Did he have to use the word "majestic" at all, let alone twice in about 5 sentences? Dude, get a thesaurus. I am so over these narcissists.

[Iwadre]

Did he have to use the word "majestic" at all, let alone twice in about 5 sentences? Dude, get a thesaurus. I am so over these narcissists.

You usually hear majestic used with a horse or maybe landscape...people not so much. Was he a homeschooler? I know a lot of very smart homeschool kids but I don't think they use the same curriculum;)