Snark Talk: Home, Home on the (De) Ranged

[Lura]

I get a big kick out of Ree when she's stirring something that takes a while and gives advice about what to do with your mind while you're waiting.  The two Ree ideas that I recall are "Think about your to-do list" and "Think about your life goals."  There are others.  I can't speak for you, but if I dwelt on either of her two ideas, I'd lie awake at night!   I think that Ree would be much better off if she'd think about these questions: "Why do I always have to decorate things?" or "Why is enough never enough for me?" or even "Why do I always have to prove my love with candy?"

[Kohola3]

52 minutes ago, Lura said:

I think that Ree would be much better off if she'd think about these questions

Why do I have to burn everyone's taste buds by adding spices to every single dish?  Why can't I put together appropriate taste combinations rather than randomly dumping things together?  Why do I feel the need to grin like a demented jack'o'lantern every single second?  Why am I trying to kill my family with overdoses of sugar and fat?

Edited July 13, 2018 by Kohola3
murder came to mind

[peacheslatour]

Why am I trying so hard to look like Bozo the Clown? Why does my husband always need to "check on the cattle" when ever I want to get frisky? What was I deprived of as child that I must compensate by attention whoring all over town? Why is my sister in law so much better looking than I am? And why does she have to be a better cook?

[Lura]

"I LOVE the opening of my show where I get to list all the things I am!  Nobody seems to have noticed that I left out 'wife.'  Oh well, I didn't get four babies without help!  You do know that I've been pregnant four times, don't you?  Yep!  Fertile Myrtle here!"

[Cupid Stunt]

On ‎7‎/‎13‎/‎2018 at 1:13 PM, Lura said:

I get a big kick out of Ree when she's stirring something that takes a while and gives advice about what to do with your mind while you're waiting.  The two Ree ideas that I recall are "Think about your to-do list" and "Think about your life goals."  There are others.  I can't speak for you, but if I dwelt on either of her two ideas, I'd lie awake at night!   I think that Ree would be much better off if she'd think about these questions: "Why do I always have to decorate things?" or "Why is enough never enough for me?" or even "Why do I always have to prove my love with candy?"

Yeah, don't pay any attention to the cooking process or what your hands are occupied with. If you over-beat, scorch, forget to add an ingredient or whip up a batch of tough Gummy Bear Muffins, the family is used to it and will smile through the gluten at the camera.

I'm doing isometrics and Kegel exercises right now.

[chessiegal]

I wonder what's going to happen to the price of the cheap ass Ree products sold at Wally World with the new trade tariffs.

[Kohola3]

2 minutes ago, chessiegal said:

I wonder what's going to happen to the price of the cheap ass Ree products sold at Wally World with the new trade tariffs.

I was wondering that myself.  Maybe her crap will be exempt like Ivanka's is since she's a supporter.

[peacheslatour]

What's with all these churchy types naming their sons Bryce? I saw a promo for Bringing Up Bates and there is a Bryce on there too.

[bc1795]

" Live on a ranch in the middle of nowhere"  I wonder how Oklahoma's feel about that one?

[peacheslatour]

2 hours ago, bc1795 said:

" Live on a ranch in the middle of nowhere"  I wonder how Oklahoma's feel about that one?

They're proud of it.

[Lura]

4 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

They're proud of it.

Hmmm.  Really think so, m'friend?  I wouldn't want my state to be called "nowhere."  Maybe Ree considered Bartlesville a thriving metropolis when she lived there, and Pawtuska is "the middle of nowhere" to her.  She is so strange that it's hard to know what she means.

[film noire]

On 7/13/2018 at 2:13 PM, Lura said:

I get a big kick out of Ree when she's stirring something that takes a while and gives advice about what to do with your mind while you're waiting.

"Why did I catch Ladd watching "The Hunger" last night, sobbing like a baby?"

"Why did Hye spit twice at me and throw her hand up in a Devil's Horn?"

"Can I make an ice cream sandwich out of jalapeno blood orange chocolate chip ice cream and two candied human hearts?"

"Why do my dogs howl whenever I walk by?"

"Why do I not cast a shadow in the moonlight?"

"Do I have time for one last selfie before the organ meats are done?"

 

Edited July 21, 2018 by film noire

[peacheslatour]

15 hours ago, Lura said:

Hmmm.  Really think so, m'friend?  I wouldn't want my state to be called "nowhere."  Maybe Ree considered Bartlesville a thriving metropolis when she lived there, and Pawtuska is "the middle of nowhere" to her.  She is so strange that it's hard to know what she means.

I do. I know somw country folk who wear their "out in the sticks" status as a badge of honor because gods forbid they be compared to city folk.

[ShoePrincess]

I fully expect them to simultaneously keel over at one of their post-church meals. If the deviled eggs loaded with mayo and cream and topped with bacon doesn't do it, the pork lover's baked beans with a pound of chorizo mixed in and a pound of bacon on top will.

[Lura]

Ree really stepped in it on last night's Food Network Star.  It was a performance for the ages.  She came out looking like the fearsome amazon from hell in a busy blouse and denim jeans.  Her job was to be the guest on the four remaining contestants' little food shows.  She was OK with the first guy, but she literally destroyed the first gal.  She would NOT stop talking, and the poor girl was trying so hard to shut her up.  At one point, Ree grabbed a wooden spatula and said, "You'd better scramble those eggs -- hold on, I'll do it."  So, now she's talking AND cooking, grabbing the spotlight.  I began shouting at her, "STOP, Ree -- you're going to ruin her demo!"  Sure enough, at the end of the show, that girl was eliminated.  So sad.

But the funniest thing to happen in a long time was when a roly-poly, short fireman gave her a big introduction while she waited backstage.  "Now, give a big welcome," he enthused, "to none other than Ree THOMPSON!"  Ree never budged from backstage.  Just didn't come out.  I s'pose she was in a snit with her nose in the air.  So, Manny the fireman tries again.  "Here she is, folks -- Ree THOMPSON!"  The audience, Bobby and Giada were cracking up, and I was in hysterics!  Still, no Ree.  Finally, I think a producer or someone ordered Ree to get out there, and out she came with a Cheshire grin, per usual. 

At the end of the show, Ree commented to Bobby and Giada that she didn't care if someone didn't know her name (not MUCH!), but anyone should know the name of the guest.  She went on defending herself, referring to the girl whose chances she ruined, "Anyone expects the guest to talk.  You don't invite a guest on your show and not expect them to talk."  Sure, Ree, but not take over!

This was, by far, the funniest and most disgusting FN show I've ever seen, and I mean EVER!  Ree bombed bigtime, and badly.  I'm sure they'll never put her on that show again.  What an ego she has!

Edited July 25, 2018 by Lura

[peacheslatour]

Ha ha ha! Oh, jeez you owe me a new keyboard. *dead*

[Kohola3]

Gah. what a supercilious twit.  I hope that they got lots of complaints on that one.

[ShoePrincess]

Thanks for the recao, Lura. You saved me from having to suppress my gag reflex while watching the train wreck that is Ree. This hasn't been a great bunch of potential FNSs anyway. 

 

I can't imagine what she'll be like on Chopped. 

[CharlizeCat]

OMG! That was a hilarious recap, Lura. I can't wait to watch that trainwreck.

[Kohola3]

2 hours ago, ShoePrincess said:

I can't imagine what she'll be like on Chopped. 

I'd love to see her compete on Chopped although someone might be tempted to use a real cleaver on her.  Now that I would watch.

[CharlizeCat]

I think that if Ree actually competed on Chopped that somehow, she would win.  I think that she's in her own protected class at FN and nobody will touch her. I sill call complete crap that she won that throw down with Bobby Flay. If I were BF, I'd ask for a rematch on the "Beat Bobby Flay" show at the FN studios, complete with the bell and jeering crowd. No hiding at the Lodge or having the judges and audience be solely comprised by local Okkies.

I still want to see her have to be a serious "informed" judge sitting alongside Scott Conant and Maneet (or interchange Geoffrey Zakarian with either one.)  Maneet would cut her a bitch, though. Ree wouldn't be able to skate by with meaningless comments like, "That looks rustic." 

[maggiemae]

Thanks Lura. I watched it after your post. I live in the overgrown woods with lots of windows and needed sunglasses for her hair.......and dress (I know, top) and boots.

It has to slay Bobby and Giada to work with her. 

[ShoePrincess]

I'm dreading the day FN decides she'd make a good judge in Iron Chef.

[CharlizeCat]

2 hours ago, maggiemae said:

Thanks Lura. I watched it after your post. I live in the overgrown woods with lots of windows and needed sunglasses for her hair.......and dress (I know, top) and boots.

It has to slay Bobby and Giada to work with her. 

Oh, boy... some of the comments about Ree in the FNS forum are hilarious. Surprisingly, there is a handful over there who have never heard of her. One person asked if "Ree owns a mirror."

Giada and Bobby seemed to barely acknowledge Ree and the contrast between the way they treated Anne Burrell and Ree was pretty stark. 

Most hilarious line of the night ... Bobby to Ree: "Did you actually learn anything from cooking with Palak?" Ree managed to stammer out something about Palak's roti. I thought Bobby was throwing shade at Ree over her one-note spices and overuse of hot sauce then having to cook alongside an authentic Indian cook who knows her away around a spice rack and the subtle nuances of heat.

Ree's top looked like one of those cheap polyester blouses that you see in discount catalogs for seniors. (I can laugh because I receive them!) That top with the tight jeans tucked into the high light colored boots was just awful. The flesh colored boots looked like stumpy legs and made Ree's hips/thighs look bigger than they probably really are.

Eh ... I don't think Ree was the sole reason why Palak went home. Palak already screwed up when the made Anne Burrell spend five minutes cracking eggs in dead air time. Palak, eggs were not your friend this week. While I do agree that Ree was much more overbearing and intrusive during Palak's time, Palak spent most of her time making bread while the rest of the ingredients for the dish just sat there. 

It also just boils down to that Ree is more comfortable interacting with men than she is women. The only reason she clicked with Amy because Amy was smart enough to engage in conversation about moms and kids. 

[Lura]

15 hours ago, CharlizeCat said:

It also just boils down to that Ree is more comfortable interacting with men than she is women.

This was never more obvious to me than it was last night.  She fawns over Chuck and the cowboys on her show, but on FNS her treatment of the male contestants vs. the female contestants was like night and day.  With no rancor intended, I honestly believe that Ree sees herself as being beautiful, charming and super talented, and she likes to work these "attributes" on the men in her life.  Ree has said that she lives in a dream world, and I think she behaves like she thinks she is. her "imagined" Ree. We saw the real Ree last night in both her judging remarks and her closing remarks.  She can be tough and spiteful, far away from the grinning, sweet Ree with the high, childish voice that she presents on her show. 

I totally agree that Bobby and Giada could barely treat Ree with civility.  I thought they had no respect for her and actually were laughing at her.  Bobby tried to hide his laughter, but Giada didn't even bother! 

[Automne]

It’s interesting to note that Ree is rarely brought out of her Pioneer Woman set onto other FN/CC shows while the other chefs and hosts have multiple gigs. Like, they don’t even bring her out for The Best Thing I Ever Ate and they get anybody tangentially related to food on there. Both FNS and that Thanksgiving Live a few years back illustrated why (and why you shouldn’t hold up food bloggers next to professional chefs, unless said food blogger is/was a chef). It’s pretty clear that Alton, Bobby, Giada, and others view Ree as a hack. It was funny on Thanksgiving Live when all the hosts were asked what their favorite part of the turkey was and Ree gave a generic answer of dark meat (I think), but Alton and Ina started talking about the oysters hidden in the back of the turkey and it was clear Ree had no idea. Then there was the bacon-wrapped club crackers fiasco.

After Thanksgiving Live, Ree was shoved back into her Pawhuska corner. I guess they decided to take her off the shelf, dust her off, and give her another chance in a non-PW arena. I really don’t think they’re going to trot her out to guest judge on Chopped or anything like that because she can’t even fake knowing anything about food on a professional level. Her own show is basically six episodes done over and over again.

[peacheslatour]

Good to see you again, Automne!

[Lura]

I think that Ree should appear as a contestant on Worst Cooks in America.  Anne Burrell would cut her down to size in less than two minutes.  I'd pay to see that show, especially if Ree ignored her own food to supervise the cooks on both sides of her.

[cathy]

A burger with a big greasy onion ring, (the chuck burger for her father in law).  Wow, no one has ever thought of that.  No imagination. She should call it a "heart attack and diabetes on a bun." Now she and her daughters are going to eat salad.  Same stereotypes. Yawn. I read earlier someone speculating whether or not her Walmart junk will go up in price due to the new tariffs.  Even if so, her dumb reeple will buy.

[Kohola3]

1 hour ago, Lura said:

I think that Ree should appear as a contestant on Worst Cooks in America.  Anne Burrell would cut her down to size in less than two minutes. 

Now that I would definitely pay to see. I would love to someone who actually has some knowledge of what kinds of foods go together just lambaste her about her crap. Bring on a cardiologist as well! And maybe somebody I can tell her that there is no difference between what men and women eat. It's all in that red dye addled brain of hers.

[peacheslatour]

Quote

And maybe somebody I can tell her that there is no difference between what men and women eat. It's all in that red dye addled brain of hers.

This is one of my biggest complaints about her. Imagine you're a young person trying to learn about cooking by watching her show. The impression she and her idiot family give about what men will and will not eat is the worst take away any young cook could get. It's so fucking insulting.

[cathy]

I just watched "the great British baking show."  During the show I realized that every amateur baker I have seen on there is a much better cook, more knowledgeable and talented, than Ree. They can really bake, and they do it on the fly.  I believe they have no prior warning as to what they will make, yet they all seem to do such a beautiful job.  That is probably because baking/cooking is a true passion for them, a true love.  For Ree, it is just a business, a money making venture.  She is good at making money, somehow.  Her stories can be stupid, such as the one up now.  She said in it that she wore flip flops to church the day before.  Even I never did that, and I'm casual. I wonder if it is true, or she just made it up to make herself look like an average person.  It might be a lie.  She is heavily into clothes and jewelry. In every new show she wears a brand new top, new earrings, bracelets.  I don't think there has ever been a repeat, although I don't really keep track, just something I noticed. On one show today, she put a salad in a mason jar, and said you can shake it to mix the ingredients.  Well, I don't think you can, the ingredients are too big and heavy. You would have to maybe use a fork to mix, even then it would not be fully mixed.  A plastic container would be easier.  It just occurred to me that she sells the PW mason jars, so she did that to sell more stuff!  Am I correct in that you can't mix that salad in a mason jar just by shaking? 

[peacheslatour]

Not the way she makes it, like you said with too many heavy ingredients and she crams it too full. I think it would end up being a gloppy mess.

[Kohola3]

51 minutes ago, cathy said:

Am I correct in that you can't mix that salad in a mason jar just by shaking? 

Not unless it's a gigantic jar and less than half full, then maybe. Otherwise you're just wasting energy.  It might shake the dressing to the bottom but otherwise a useless gesture. 

She probably saw it somewhere else and thought it was too clever for words but didn't bother to try it out.

53 minutes ago, cathy said:

I believe they have no prior warning as to what they will make, yet they all seem to do such a beautiful job.  That is probably because baking/cooking is a true passion for them, a true love. 

Actually the do for the Signature Bake (the first one) and the Showstopper (the last one).  But the technical bake is always a mystery and they are given partial instructions (such as "bake a sponge") plus the ingredients so they really need a wide range of skills to get through this.  The Great British Baking Show (or sometimes called Bake Off) is an absolute jewel on PBS and I am totally addicted to all seasons. Some of the skills they show are just mind blowing and these are all amateurs!  They make Ree look like the buffoon that she is.  Plus they have to be the nicest humans on earth.  Even when working against the clock they'be been known to stop their own work just to help someone else.  So refreshing.  And all this for no money prize, just a cake plate.

And the wonderful flavors they put together - not a damned jalapeno in sight!

[HyeChaps]

Ree was a judge on the Christmas Cookie competition. 

[ShoePrincess]

8 hours ago, Lura said:

I think that Ree should appear as a contestant on Worst Cooks in America.  Anne Burrell would cut her down to size in less than two minutes.  I'd pay to see that show, especially if Ree ignored her own food to supervise the cooks on both sides of her.

I would love to see that. Anne would have Ree quaking in thise pastel cowgirl boots.

I would have loved to have seen Ree as a judge on Iron Chef when Morimoto was still there. I can just imagine the look on his face when Ree passed judgment on his food.

[cathy]

She put up a selfie on facebook.  I have never seen such a big forehead.  Can't she get bangs to cover it up?  You can tell she gets her teeth professionally whitened.  Just like the pioneer women of old, from 200 years ago.  They are so white there is no doubt it was done.

[Lura]

Has anyone ever written to Ree?  I suppose that Hye or Ree's former babysitter is in charge of the comments she receives and would pull anything negative.  However, Ree's home address on the ranch is published online.  I imagine it's possible to send a letter there.  I wish that she could read some of the comments on the NFNS thread or this thread, especially about her appearance on NFNS.

[ShoePrincess]

On 7/25/2018 at 3:58 PM, Kohola3 said:

Not unless it's a gigantic jar and less than half full, then maybe. Otherwise you're just wasting energy.  It might shake the dressing to the bottom but otherwise a useless gesture. 

She probably saw it somewhere else and thought it was too clever for words but didn't bother to try it out.

Actually the do for the Signature Bake (the first one) and the Showstopper (the last one).  But the technical bake is always a mystery and they are given partial instructions (such as "bake a sponge") plus the ingredients so they really need a wide range of skills to get through this.  The Great British Baking Show (or sometimes called Bake Off) is an absolute jewel on PBS and I am totally addicted to all seasons. Some of the skills they show are just mind blowing and these are all amateurs!  They make Ree look like the buffoon that she is.  Plus they have to be the nicest humans on earth.  Even when working against the clock they'be been known to stop their own work just to help someone else.  So refreshing.  And all this for no money prize, just a cake plate.

And the wonderful flavors they put together - not a damned jalapeno in sight!

I love the Great British Baking Show. I call it "nice people making cakes." It's hard sometimes to believe they're amateurs. 

I have Ruby Tandoh's cookbook. All the recipes I've tried have turned out well. My favorite is her rye apple upside down cake.  If Ree had the talent and creativity to come up with a recipe like that, sh'd ruin it vy smothering it with jalapenos, rainbow sprinkles. aapnd at least 6 chopped up candy bars.

[Cupid Stunt]

17 hours ago, cathy said:

She put up a selfie on facebook.  I have never seen such a big forehead. Can't she get bangs to cover it up?  

On the left coast they call that a fivehead.

Quote

You can tell she gets her teeth professionally whitened.  Just like the pioneer women of old, from 200 years ago.  They are so white there is no doubt it was done

She was whitening early in the blog, then had her teeth capped. The kids got Invisaligned and whitened when there was more public exposure. Ladd seems to be the hold out, but periodically has blinding while teeth for PR events.

With the whole family gawping at the cameras with same mouth full of Chiclets, it has to be manufactured. 

Edited July 27, 2018 by Cupid Stunt

[Lura]

I can't believe I even watched today's "16 Minute Meals" episode, but, of course, I was watching for the snark value.  It didn't take long for Ree to give me the payoff.  She was making her sister Betsy's penne pasta dish, and -- leave it to Ree -- she came out with the word "pay-NAY."  She turned an Italian word into a French word and never blinked twice.

The Orange-Haired Idiot strikes again!

[txvoodoo]

On 7/23/2018 at 7:29 PM, CharlizeCat said:

I think that she's in her own protected class at FN and nobody will touch her.

Yeah, but I think that Ted Allen, and a fair number of the regular judges there would have some "read between the lines" snark that she's not smart enough to notice. They're good at that.

On 7/25/2018 at 3:58 PM, Kohola3 said:

But the technical bake is always a mystery and they are given partial instructions (such as "bake a sponge") plus the ingredients so they really need a wide range of skills to get through this.

I remember they once showed the instructions. They said "Make a genoise sponge. Bake. Make creme patisserie. Fill." and the finished result was something that was supposed to be a very specific design. 

[cathy]

All of the recipies from today's new episode I have seen elsewhere. I also see Hyacynth drives a Mercedes.  I bet HY gets paid to be on her show. Maybe they both belong to the screen actor's guild. Ree made alcoholic coctails.  I am amazed her "base" isn't up in arms about this.  Good homeschooling fundies would not want their 10 children to see anything to do with "the devil's juice."

[novhappy]

If it was the same ep I saw today I thought Hys car was a Lexus 

[MissT]

2 hours ago, novhappy said:

If it was the same ep I saw today I thought Hys car was a Lexus 

It was a Lexus.   She’s not hurting money-wise.  

[tabloidlover]

I think Hy is married to a judge.

[Lura]

I love it!  After hauling the kids back from Tulsa, Hye pulls into her driveway in a dandy Lexus.  Then, in pulls Ree, driving the filthiest, mud-splattered truck that Pawtuska has ever seen.  I'm surprised that Hye and family can swallow Ree's food, judging from the way her truck looks.  You would think the ranch had no water line and no hose to squirt things off. 

I don't know what riles me more about Ree's driving: speeding like a bat out of Hell, the truck crusted with mud, or the fake landscape background that allows Ree to sit in a dummy truck and take her eyes off the road for uncountable minutes at a time while she rattles on about a recipe.

Edited July 29, 2018 by Lura

[cathy]

Sorry for the mistake about the car. I think Hy's friendship with Ree is weird.  Hy is older, and more serious than Ree. She seems more intelligent. Hy is also a devout Catholic, whereas Ree is a pretend protestant "Christian." I don't believe Ree thinks about God at all, even when (and that is IF) she actually physically takes her body to church. I don't care what she writes on her blog-that is just to attract the religious types to buy her stuff and make money.  A short while ago, I believe, she wrote that she wore flip flops to church.  Hy is married to a judge.  I remember reading that Hy's husband is a bit of a pig.  He and Hy used to post on a homeschooling blog. His screen name was "cheese wiz." Once he wrote some nasty sexual stuff, and Hy had to write an apology.  Nice.  What good salt of the earth backbone of America people they are.

[Kohola3]

4 minutes ago, cathy said:

I don't believe Ree thinks about God at all, even when (and that is IF) she actually physically takes her body to church.

She worships at the Church of the Almighty Dollar.  Anybody that feels the need to proclaim what great Christians they are, usually aren't.

[Lura]

8 hours ago, Kohola3 said:

I don't believe Ree thinks about God at all

Well, we know she goes to church at least one Sunday a month -- for the food.  She loves those potlucks.  You notice that her nice pastor is always ready to make some glowing comment for the camera.  That's because she takes him cookies and Happy Good Friday Hot Cross Buns.