Long Lost Family - General Discussion

[steff13]

3 minutes ago, Koalagirl said:

40 years ago no one ever thought about DNA, Ancestry, etc. or ever being able to be traced.

Sure, but that doesn't really have anything to do with the fact that they made the donation with the stipulation that it was anonymous. 

Maybe I'm not being clear; I am not sure of the ethics of trying to location someone who made a donation with the understanding that it's anonymous.  The assumption is that the person doesn't want to be involved, it seems unfair to try to track them down.

[pasdetrois]

We know the brother/sister duo and the sister's bio father are related because they all have the attention-seeking gene.

My God, the histrionics. I thought Lisa was struggling to keep a straight face during the kitchen-table scene.

I know two women who were "unwed mothers." One of them found her daughter (pre-DNA days, and when the birth/adoption records were sealed) by paying a PI, who in turn paid people who had access to the birth and adoption records. The bio daughter was unstable, kind of angrily stalked her bio mother, and the relationship ended.

The other woman was sent to a Salvation Army "home" where she was treated roughly and essentially like a commodity, being condemned the entire time by the religious SA staff. She said she channeled her pain and became a open-the-records activist. Pre-DNA and Ancestry tests she was part of a group that lobbied states to unseal the records. She also did volunteer research in her state, driving to various courthouses, to uncover information that could be used to piece together histories.

The reunions definitely don't all go well, over time, and many of the elderly bio-parents are still so ashamed they don't want to be found.

[Koalagirl]

48 minutes ago, steff13 said:

Sure, but that doesn't really have anything to do with the fact that they made the donation with the stipulation that it was anonymous. 

Maybe I'm not being clear; I am not sure of the ethics of trying to location someone who made a donation with the understanding that it's anonymous.  The assumption is that the person doesn't want to be involved, it seems unfair to try to track them down.

I agree with you as to the concept.  Unfortunately with today's technology it's probably impossible to remain anonymous.   Even if you didn't send your DNA in anywhere they can still track you down through a relative.   I think this opens up a Pandora's Box of problems.

[Mrs. Hanson]

15 minutes ago, pasdetrois said:

We know the brother/sister duo and the sister's bio father are related because they all have the attention-seeking gene.

My God, the histrionics. I thought Lisa was struggling to keep a straight face during the kitchen-table scene.

Yes that sperm donor dad was all about him, wasn't he?  Gets to deposit a few times a week, make some cash and now he gets the glory in having another child.  I wonder what his kids with his wife will think.  Hello, follow up show?

 

1 hour ago, steff13 said:

Sure, but that doesn't really have anything to do with the fact that they made the donation with the stipulation that it was anonymous. 

Maybe I'm not being clear; I am not sure of the ethics of trying to location someone who made a donation with the understanding that it's anonymous.  The assumption is that the person doesn't want to be involved, it seems unfair to try to track them down.

I agree.  For a while I thought about being an egg donor back in the 90's but I was concerned about being looked up someday.  Little did I know!!  I never did, by the way!

I missed the beginning - why were Flowers in the Attic sibling's dad unable to father children?  I was waiting for them to reveal Dear Old Dad was really the father of brother and that would have REALLY freaked Crying Sister out.  Who was older?  And why were they ever told?

[iMonrey]

Quote

About the "donor" siblings...I honestly thought they were going to tell the brother that his bio dad was actually the dad who had raised them.  One photo showed them side by side and they had identical noses, eye shape, brows, and eye color.   It's too bad they weren't able to say who his real dad was, but right from the get-go I knew the siblings had different fathers. 

I thought the exact same thing! I knew from the start it would turn out they weren't full siblings, because they made such a huge deal out of it, and they looked nothing alike. And  Jason looked exactly like his father in that photo. Because it kind of makes sense that their mother told them they both came from the same donor if indeed she thought that, because their father was shooting blanks and they didn't think he could impregnate her, and then years later they learn he did. But Lisa & Co. were able to track down his bio father? Maybe it turns out he's related to Jason's dad?

Thank God it was Christina's father they found and not Jason's or she probably would have killed herself.

Quote

 I guess she also took Angela with her but it was not explained.  I do wish they had explained Angela and how she fit into all of this.  The family tree also showed that the mother married twice, so she must have gotten a divorce and married after she left the abusive husband.

Yeah - the eldest daughter's absence in all of this was glaring. No mention of "you have another sister!" and the Uncle specifically told Chris to go speak to the younger sister. Also, the hand-drawn family tree was wonky and made it look like Dawn and Diane were the grandchildren of Judy rather than her daughters. Someone didn't know how to properly draw family trees.

[bybrandy]

On 11/28/2017 at 8:24 PM, Jadzia said:

Yes, but I wondered why the adoptive mother didn't know that detail? Dakota seemed very hurt all his life that the letters suddenly stopped and he never knew why. I wondered why the adoptive family didn't know it was part of the deal. It seemed like that could have avoided a lot of pain for Dakota.

I'm not saying that the birth mother wasn't lying.  I'm just saying it wouldn't be the first time I heard about the birth parents and the adoptive parents being given different information about the types of contact allowed.  

[stormy]

DANA daddy is creepy. As a college student trying to make an easy buck, he donated sperm but then does it a couple of times a week because he's doing a service.

Not buying it.

Edited December 12, 2017 by stormy

[Mrs. Hanson]

38 minutes ago, stormy said:

DANA daddy is creepy. As a college student trying to make an easy buck, he donated sperm but then does it a couple of times a week because he's doing a service.

Not buying it.

Me neither.  Got some cash and now that he is older and a bit wiser he is all soft and cuddly "Doing it to create families!"  Nope, try again.   Second thought, please don't!

[Angeltoes]

Quote

Sure, but that doesn't really have anything to do with the fact that they made the donation with the stipulation that it was anonymous. 

The donors and the parents agreed to all that.  The kids didn't.  

[stormy]

The thought of the can of worms DNA daddy opened is frightening. The other donor is smart to remain anonymous.

[gosacstate]

This episode really bothered me too.  I don't remember if the man that raised them (to me, HE is their dad) had passed but I kept feeling so bad for him.  It seemed disrespectful to me.  Why were they yearning so much to find out about a college student making a quick buck?  Anonymous. Sperm. Donor.   How could this impact their life?   I was happy for the DVR so I could bypass all the sobbing.   They probably would have been better off not looking into it.

[TiredMe]

I also thought there was something off with the siblings. Completely over the top, strange, and codependent. The wailing and sobbing and moaning. Jesus. I half expected her to throw herself on the ground and curl into a fetal position. Frankly being so damned desperate to find an ejaculaiton was in itself odd but then their behavior was so weird.  Maybe I’m heartless but the entire thing just didn’t set right with me. 

[Snarklepuss]

12 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

Yes that sperm donor dad was all about him, wasn't he?  Gets to deposit a few times a week, make some cash and now he gets the glory in having another child.  I wonder what his kids with his wife will think.  Hello, follow up show?

He was pretty creepy but then again so was his daughter!  They could do a whole show based on him and his donor progeny.  Ewww.
 

2 hours ago, TiredMe said:

I also thought there was something off with the siblings. Completely over the top, strange, and codependent. The wailing and sobbing and moaning. Jesus. I half expected her to throw herself on the ground and curl into a fetal position. Frankly being so damned desperate to find an ejaculaiton was in itself odd but then their behavior was so weird.  Maybe I’m heartless but the entire thing just didn’t set right with me. 

I know, I thought the same thing but it's making me think there are some serious issues going on with them, like maybe some kind of child abuse to explain the OTT behavior.  They didn't say much about their relationship with their parents but it may have been pretty bad.  I'm just trying to make sense out of the histrionics.  I think there has to be something we don't know about to explain it.

5 hours ago, gosacstate said:

This episode really bothered me too.  I don't remember if the man that raised them (to me, HE is their dad) had passed but I kept feeling so bad for him.  It seemed disrespectful to me.  Why were they yearning so much to find out about a college student making a quick buck?  Anonymous. Sperm. Donor.   How could this impact their life?   I was happy for the DVR so I could bypass all the sobbing.   They probably would have been better off not looking into it.

I don't see the difference between looking for a sperm donor parent and looking for a parent that left a child up for adoption.  To the child the motive is the same, to find a birth parent and hope that they would find it in their heart to care about them.  There's no guarantee that a parent that left a child up for adoption is going to care about the child or want to be found either, so I think it really depends on the particular people involved.  Just because a person donated sperm doesn't mean they wouldn't later in life be thrilled to meet a child that was a result of their donation.  I don't find it any different in principle.  Of course it can shake out very differently depending on the people involved.  Some may want to remain anonymous but that could be the case in adoption situations as well.

[AZChristian]

4 hours ago, Snarklepuss said:

I know, I thought the same thing but it's making me think there are some serious issues going on with them, like maybe some kind of child abuse to explain the OTT behavior.  They didn't say much about their relationship with their parents but it may have been pretty bad.  I'm just trying to make sense out of the histrionics.  I think there has to be something we don't know about to explain it.

IIRC, they said that their mother sprung it on them when they were 8 and 10 that they were from a sperm donor, but that they weren't to tell "Dad" that they knew . . . and didn't tell him for a long time.  Then just last year, both parents died within weeks of each other, and they felt clear now to search for the donor.  Am I remembering that correctly?  

Mama must have been an odd piece of work, or else she was lied to at the sperm bank.  (I suspect the former.)  She felt that she had to tell them that not only were they from the same donor, they were from the same "batch" of donation.  Like that would make a difference?  Other than twins, no two children would even think about whether they were from the same batch.

[Mrs. Hanson]

6 hours ago, Snarklepuss said:

I don't see the difference between looking for a sperm donor parent and looking for a parent that left a child up for adoption

See, I respectfully disagree.  A child being placed for adoption has, most of the time, an emotional connection between bio parents.  Sperm Donor Dad was in it for the cash, it was a business transaction.  

 

2 hours ago, AZChristian said:

IIRC, they said that their mother sprung it on them when they were 8 and 10 that they were from a sperm donor, but that they weren't to tell "Dad" that they knew . . . and didn't tell him for a long time. 

What an absolute, crappy, disrespectful, HORRIBLE burden to place on your kids!!!  Talk about crappy secrets!  I mean, really.  No wonder daughter is a sobbing mess.  No wonder they have a weird oddly close relationship. 

2 hours ago, AZChristian said:

Mama must have been an odd piece of work, or else she was lied to at the sperm bank.  (I suspect the former.)

Bolding mine - yes, I think she was a piece of work as well!!  Just....wow.

Edited December 13, 2017 by Mrs. Hanson

[AZChristian]

9 minutes ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

See, I respectfully disagree.  A child being placed for adoption has, most of the time, an emotional connection between bio parents.  Sperm Donor Dad was in it for the cash, it was a business transaction.  

I wonder if SDD meant the double entendre when he said, "I'm glad I had a hand in you being here."  I literally LOLed when he said that.

[Snarklepuss]

7 minutes ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

See, I respectfully disagree.  A child being placed for adoption has, most of the time, an emotional connection between bio parents.  Sperm Donor Dad was in it for the cash, it was a business transaction. 

One thing this show has taught me is that there is not always an emotional connection between the bio parents and the child, but what difference does that make when the parent can just as easily after the fact come around to regretting that or wishing it could have been otherwise?  We have seen other cases where mothers were not found but fathers were, and the father may not have even known his former girlfriend or wife was pregnant and never knew they had a child, but they were not put down for just being a "sperm donor".  I don't think donating sperm as a "business transaction" necessarily means that the person doing it doesn't have a heart and wouldn't later in life understand the implications of his youthful actions, just as those men who got a girlfriend knocked up at the prom and didn't even know about it for 40 years are guilty of just having a good time and not being worthy of later appreciating their own flesh and blood.  To me that is painting with too broad a brush, too simplistic and too black and white, and respectfully, I don't agree.

[Snarklepuss]

4 minutes ago, AZChristian said:

I wonder if SDD meant the double entendre when he said, "I'm glad I had a hand in you being here."  I literally LOLed when he said that.

I mentioned that remark upthread, but I somehow doubt he realized it at the time.
 

22 minutes ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

What an absolute, crappy, disrespectful, HORRIBLE burden to place on your kids!!!  Talk about crappy secrets!  I mean, really.  No wonder daughter is a sobbing mess.  No wonder they have a weird oddly close relationship. 

I think we can deduce from this where the abusiveness came from in that family - Their mother.

[AZChristian]

Just now, Snarklepuss said:

I mentioned that remark upthread, but I somehow doubt he realized it at the time.

I read your remark before I had a chance to watch the program.  So when I heard it, it just really jumped out at me.  Personally, I thought I picked up on a little pause just before he said, "glad I had a . . . little hand . . . "  I kinda thought he might have realized it.  Goodness knows he's had a lot of years to think of all the children he may have fathered, and that line might have occurred to him at some point and struck him as amusing.  

No proof either way . . . just one of those weird little things that we discuss on these boards.  LOL.

[Snarklepuss]

1 minute ago, AZChristian said:

I read your remark before I had a chance to watch the program.  So when I heard it, it just really jumped out at me.  Personally, I thought I picked up on a little pause just before he said, "glad I had a . . . little hand . . . "  I kinda thought he might have realized it.  Goodness knows he's had a lot of years to think of all the children he may have fathered, and that line might have occurred to him at some point and struck him as amusing.  

No proof either way . . . just one of those weird little things that we discuss on these boards.  LOL.

As much as remarks in poor taste are becoming "the new normal" I prefer to give the guy the benefit of the doubt as that comment said in that spirit would have been in extreme poor taste under the circumstances.  The guy was a little creepy but he would have had to be a LOT creepy to mean that at the time he said it!

[Mrs. Hanson]

1 hour ago, Snarklepuss said:

One thing this show has taught me is that there is not always an emotional connection between the bio parents and the child, but what difference does that make when the parent can just as easily after the fact come around to regretting that or wishing it could have been otherwise? 

I agree and I hear you.  I am talking about boy/girl having crushes on each other and at least knowing each other as opposed to "Here, put your baby batter in a cup and here is your check."  I totally agree there is not always a connection - date rape, Darby from upthread (ugh) so yeah.....all kinds of circumstances out there.  But I get it that she is here, and how she got here, to her, is not important to her.  She has a father figure  - that is what she was seeking.

55 minutes ago, Snarklepuss said:

I think we can deduce from this where the abusiveness came from in that family - Their mother.

Plus to tell that to your EIGHT and TEN year olds?  Yuck to infinity!!!

[Pepper Mostly]

13 hours ago, gosacstate said:

This episode really bothered me too.  I don't remember if the man that raised them (to me, HE is their dad) had passed but I kept feeling so bad for him.  It seemed disrespectful to me.  Why were they yearning so much to find out about a college student making a quick buck?  Anonymous. Sperm. Donor.   How could this impact their life?   I was happy for the DVR so I could bypass all the sobbing.   They probably would have been better off not looking into it.

When she looked at the picture and choked out "its my dad!" I almost fell off the couch. Honey. The man who raised you is your dad. This guy wasn't even in any kind of relationship with her mother. He jerked off into a cup!

[Mrs. Hanson]

26 minutes ago, Pepper Mostly said:

When she looked at the picture and choked out "its my dad!" I almost fell off the couch. Honey. The man who raised you is your dad. This guy wasn't even in any kind of relationship with her mother. He jerked off into a cup!

So agree!!!  My dad was my dad was my dad....he was my dad.  Period.  

[Jadzia]

Finally posting about this episode and I agree with everything that has been said. I am usually a blubbering mess when I watch this show but this episode made me feel like I had a cold dead heart. I too thought it was strange all the histrionics about finding a sperm donor and how attached the sister was to the idea of her brother having the same donor and being from the same "batch". When she had to excuse herself to go off camera I was actually reminded of that lady on Trading Spaces years ago who had a meltdown because she didn't like how her room was redecorated. 

I also thought the brother and sister had a creepily close relationship so I was surprised to notice a little snark when the brother was talking about his disappointment and said something like "Well I don't show my emotions as much as she does". I wish I could remember the exact line but it seemed almost like a little dig or acknowledgement that he realized his sister was being ridiculous. I also thought it was weird in the beginning when the brother made reference to being a "test tube baby" since this guy was older than me and I remember when the first test tube baby was announced. He was a turkey baster baby, not a test tube baby.

it's too bad they had to feature this story in the same episode as the foundling story because that was a much more interesting story and was more emotional but every time they went to the sperm donor story it took me out if it. Why didn't they ever tell the woman her actual birthday? I am assuming that once they identified her real mother they could find her actual birth certificate, correct? What was her real name? So many questions and they had 2 hours in this episode. They should have cut scenes of the woman crying over spilt baby batter to better cover this story.

It was so weird how this episode slapped on the update at the end which was;t really an update at all. They just showed some unaired footage of the woman meeting some random family members who I had no idea who they were or if even she did. "Hi I'm so and so's wife". Yeah who cares she is meeting her in-laws?

ETA:

Quote

It's becoming clear on the show this year that this detective work can be done by individuals, just by getting DNA tests and doing some genealogy research.  

I also wondered why these siblings had never spent the $60 before to test their own DNA. They would have already known hey weren't full siblings. They didn't need to air it on TV.

Edited December 13, 2017 by Jadzia
added another thought

[Mrs. Hanson]

1 hour ago, Jadzia said:

. When she had to excuse herself to go off camera I was actually reminded of that lady on Trading Spaces years ago who had a meltdown because she didn't like how her room was redecorated. 

Yes - NEVER PAINT OVER THE FIREPLACE, DAMMIT!  I thought the same thing!  So much time on Sperm Donor Daddy when I really wanted more answers on Porch Basket Baby - when is her birthday?  Where is oldest sister?  Did they go to local hospitals to inquire about birth records so she can find her birthday?

 

1 hour ago, Jadzia said:

I also thought it was weird in the beginning when the brother made reference to being a "test tube baby" since this guy was older than me and I remember when the first test tube baby was announced. He was a turkey baster baby, not a test tube baby.

Louise Brown - I remember it well (I really remembered, no Googling this!  LOL!)

[iMonrey]

Quote

DANA daddy is creepy. As a college student trying to make an easy buck, he donated sperm but then does it a couple of times a week because he's doing a service.

Not buying it.

I read an article or blog a long time ago written by a sperm donor. They really don't make much money, so altruism is actually a factor. When you read about everything they have to go through, and the fact that any money they get paid is contingent on being viable/worthy and/or chosen, it sounds like it's a lot more trouble than it's worth. So I totally believe the guy did it because he thought he could help people. He seemed like a nice enough guy. And I had to laugh when Lisa asked him how long and he said "not long" thinking she was asking how long it took him to make his "donation." 

I agree their mother must have been a real piece of work to tell them their biological father was a sperm donor when they were just 8 and 10. The way they described the revelation made it sound as though she told them out of spite to hurt them. I think they were probably a lot closer to their father than their mother, for good reason.

[Lovecat]

2 hours ago, Pepper Mostly said:

When she looked at the picture and choked out "its my dad!" I almost fell off the couch. Honey. The man who raised you is your dad. This guy wasn't even in any kind of relationship with her mother. He jerked off into a cup!

Right?  I actually said out loud, "No, he's your *father*...the guy who raised you is *dad*."  Like she could hear me or something.

1 hour ago, Jadzia said:

When she had to excuse herself to go off camera I was actually reminded of that lady on Trading Spaces years ago who had a meltdown because she didn't like how her room was redecorated. 

I also thought it was weird in the beginning when the brother made reference to being a "test tube baby" since this guy was older than me and I remember when the first test tube baby was announced. He was a turkey baster baby, not a test tube baby.

it's too bad they had to feature this story in the same episode as the foundling story because that was a much more interesting story and was more emotional but every time they went to the sperm donor story it took me out if it. Why didn't they ever tell the woman her actual birthday? I am assuming that once they identified her real mother they could find her actual birth certificate, correct? What was her real name? So many questions and they had 2 hours in this episode. They should have cut scenes of the woman crying over spilt baby batter to better cover this story.

1) CRYING PAM!!!  I remember her well...

2) DH and I were trying to parse out the timing on that one, too, and I just asked Mr. Google to be sure...Louise Brown was born in 1978, as a result of the first in vitro ("test tube") fertilization.  So yeah, I think these two (at about 48 and 50 years old, if I'm putting together the context clues correctly) would have been turkey baster babies.

3) Ugh, samesies.  It would have been *way* more moving to see Diane's reaction to finding out her actual birthday and her birth name than to watch Christina blubber for 10 straight minutes.

Quote

And I had to laugh when Lisa asked him how long and he said "not long" thinking she was asking how long it took him to make his "donation." 

Oh lord, I almost fell off the couch laughing at that point!!  I think it's hilarious that the editors left that part in there, vs. a re-take with him answering the right question :)

Edited December 13, 2017 by Lovecat

[AZChristian]

5 minutes ago, Lovecat said:

Oh lord, I almost fell off the couch laughing at that point!!  ("Not long.")  I think it's hilarious that the editors left that part in there, vs. a re-take with him answering the right question :)

I'm a dirty old lady.  That "how long?" question could have gone a totally different direction.  LOL.

[riverblue22]

I wonder if they will do any more sperm donor stories.  I really don't think they belong on this show.

It's a subject of interest to me because my grandchildren are sperm donor babies.  It's not something I was comfortable with, but my concerns were brushed off.  Not that it was my business, but I just wanted the idea looked at a little more carefully. And yay, I have three amazing, beautiful grandchildren!  But I do worry about them growing up and dealing with this reality.  Already the thirteen year-old wants to take a DNA test.  Now, I am into genealogy, and I love getting people to take the tests, but I'm not touching that with a ten-foot pole!  I have heard of these children meeting their sperm donors and their half-siblings, but I don't think she's ready to deal with that kind of thing.  So it's a big unknown, and I'm hoping it doesn't bother them as they get older.  

[Fouts]

My sister's ex-husband donated a bunch of sperm to make some cash during medical school back in the early 80s.  Not long ago, some of his donor babies did DNA tests and succeeded in tracking him down.  Their mother used the same donor (him) for all four of her children (two of them twins!)  My sister spoke with these donor kids but her ex-husband wanted nothing to do with them.  Neither did the children of my sister and her ex.  In fact, my sister's kids refer to their newly discovered donor half-siblings as their Diblings.  As in Donor Siblings.  They all live in the same city.  

[Snarklepuss]

15 hours ago, Pepper Mostly said:

When she looked at the picture and choked out "its my dad!" I almost fell off the couch. Honey. The man who raised you is your dad. This guy wasn't even in any kind of relationship with her mother. He jerked off into a cup!

I got the feeling that partly due to the mother's having told them that the man who raised them wasn't their biological dad (and making them keep that a secret), they didn't feel allowed to have that dad/child bond and emotional closeness that they should have been allowed to feel.  That's one big reason why telling them at such a young age and the forced secrecy was so damaging, and made them feel compelled to seek out their "real" dad so as to right that wrong and feel the connection that they were never allowed to feel.  So I empathize with it.  There also may have been other reasons they didn't feel a close bond with the man that raised them but we didn't hear about that if it was the case.  He may not have been especially close to them because of his own emotional failings.

[Lovecat]

7 hours ago, Snarklepuss said:

I got the feeling that partly due to the mother's having told them that the man who raised them wasn't their biological dad (and making them keep that a secret), they didn't feel allowed to have that dad/child bond and emotional closeness that they should have been allowed to feel.  

I agree with this, especially with the implications of making it a deep, dark secret.  I have a friend who has two sets of twins, both sets from donor eggs (one fertilized by her husband and the other by a sperm donor).  They are VERY open with the children regarding the circumstances of their conception, and there is no doubt in my mind that those kids will grow up knowing how very much they were wanted, feeling very loved, and with a matter-of-fact attitude about the story of how they came to be.  Of course there's a lot more openness these days regarding closed vs. open donations; I believe my friend has been able to make (welcome) contact with both egg donors, as well as other families that were helped out by those women.  It's still an area of bioethics that has no hard and fast rules, though; whose rights come out on top--the right of the child to know their biological parent, or the right of the donor to privacy?  Very tricky.

[Mrs. Hanson]

12 hours ago, Lovecat said:

I agree with this, especially with the implications of making it a deep, dark secret.

I agree - to saddle little kids with that was wrong and cruel.  I know of so many families who are uber open about adoption; the kids carry around Adoption Books and talk openly about birth mothers and birth fathers.  Not the same as Sperm Donor Daddy, I know, but we live in such a different society.

I think Crying Sperm Daughter has a lot more going on in her life (and in her past) that makes her so overly emotional.  When the brother said "Wow she took it hard" or "I knew she would take it hard" or some such thing, I was like, "YA THINK??"

[Snarklepuss]

I was thinking about this episode and realized that there was a profound sense of needing to feel related to someone in "crying sperm daughter".  I think that in addition to possible abuse, that comes from having felt on the outside and not "being related" to her father.  The fact that the two siblings are so close makes me think they clung to each other because they weren't getting a certain loving feeling from their parents for reasons already discussed above.  In that light I can see how an especially sensitive daughter could be so "life or death" fixated on finding a father figure plus be hung up on her brother being a full sibling.  If he's not a full sibling in her mind that's just one less way she can feel that sense of "belonging" with him that she never got from anyone else.  I was fortunate in that my step grandfather was a loving person and by the time I was old enough to understand that he was not related to me by blood it didn't matter at all to me because I had no reason to fear the loss of his love and I wasn't told to keep it a secret.  Despite having a brother that loves her, this woman is afraid of that relationship being diminished or lost as a result of finding out he's less "related" to her by blood.  After all, that's exactly what happened with the father that raised her.  It's really a fear of abandonment, IMO.  Given how young she was when this sense of loss first occurred as a result of finding out her father was not her real father and the distance between them it caused by being forced to keep that a secret, her irrational feelings cut very deep and are very hard to get beyond.

[iMonrey]

Quote

When she looked at the picture and choked out "its my dad!" I almost fell off the couch. Honey. The man who raised you is your dad. This guy wasn't even in any kind of relationship with her mother. He jerked off into a cup!

Didn't they say their father and mother had just passed away the previous year? I think that has a lot to do with it. They're just trying to fill a void (especially the sister).

[AZChristian]

1 hour ago, iMonrey said:

Didn't they say their father and mother had just passed away the previous year? I think that has a lot to do with it. They're just trying to fill a void (especially the sister).

Brother said something like, "They both passed away last year within a couple of weeks of each other, so now we feel we have clearance to try to find our sperm donor."  Sounded to me like they'd have liked to look him up sooner.  Whiffs of major dysfunction in that family, IMO.

[Galloway Cave]

Both Crying Daughter and Sperm Donor Father just creeped the hell out of me. When Daughter met Donor Dad, she acted like he was someone who had known about her, who had wanted her. And Donor Dad seemed a little too obsessed with how beautiful she was. A little smarmy in his talk and how he was looking at her. He donated sperm so she could be born, so you would think their first connection would be a bit more casual and business-like (Hey, nice to meet you! Can't wait to find out more about you to see about that whole nature/nurture business!). Instead they were fawning all over each other. I can see where the seeds of genetic sexual attraction can get planted with some people (not saying that will happen with these two, of course). I just hope they slow the hell down because I think one or the other is in for some heartache.

As someone mentioned upstream, I was really surprised the show didn't promptly find the birth certificate for the Amish Porch Baby. That would have been so easy to do and would have been the perfect ending for that story. She can even do it herself now. Hope that is done for one of the What Happened Later shows. 

[Kris -LLF Season 1]

I just found this sight today and have enjoyed the comments. Thought I'd answer a few questions that I saw go unanswered. First, the show "LONG LOST FAMILY" does the research and makes it look easy. Trust me, it was not easy for me and I gave up many times. The show did amazing work for me.  Second, my episode, the one with the kidnapper/rapist father did mention a little boy. The reason you heard nothing more about him is because he still hasn't come to terms with his mother's past. And he wants nothing to do with me. And I respect that and will not interfere in his life. But he is alive and well. And third, yes, most reunions end poorly. Obviously, there's a reason these young moms must give these children away.  My reunion was the exception and we have a very nice relationship now, but it has not been all glitter and glory. There was still an adjustment period and we still work through it.  Fourth, the reason my new sister was there with her mom was nothing more than being a support for her mom.  I didn't mind, and truth be known, my bio-mom's health was poor at that time.  And finally, I did take the news of my bio-mom's kidnapping rather well.  Mostly I was shocked.  I just could not believe that this was what I was hearing.  Who wouldn't need time to process that?!?

Keep watching the show! 

 

Kris

[scootypuffjr]

Thank you so much for posting, Kris. I appreciate your answers and your honesty and would love to hear anything more you feel like telling us - very interesting! I am sorry that not everything has worked out how you might have wished, but very happy for the closure you have received and the new relationships you are working on. I certainly wish you and yours the very best going forward.

[ElleMo]

Talk about season 4 here

[ElleMo]

I've never started a topic before but since there wasn't one for season 4 I thought I should. 

Tonight was the first episode of the season. I am so glad the sisters got reunited. I don't understand why the judge would ask a little girl if she wants her sister to live with her, and not give the grandmother custody. He should never have spoken to her at all. I also don't understand why the grandmother didn't have both sisters in the first place. Why put them in two different places if the grandmother was willing to have them both? Social Services really does suck. 

 

The other case was interesting. The mother was surprised that he was black. Then she started talking about repressed memories. And  told her son after "doing some soul-searching" she could tell him who the father was.  Perhaps that is good old-fashioned Catholic guilt. Not only was she having premarital sex, she was having it with two different men. So that could be why she forgot about the other one. She mentioned her boyfriend got tested and it said he was the child's father, so at the time she did have some doubts. Sounded like the blood test took away all her doubts. But back then, all they could do is blood typing and all that could do is prove if you weren't a parent. It couldn't positively prove that you are a parent, only that you have the right blood type. Lots of people have the same blood type.

 

Anyway, I hope it was guilt that made her repress memories. And not something more sinister.

She gave the dad's first name, but not his last name and then mentioned that he passed away at age 57. I wonder if she kept in touch with him for years or if she just looked him up after she spoke to Lisa. 

 

As a baby, he probably had very light skinned in the beginning, like many people of color do. Which is why one family took him home, then gave him back when they realized that he was a person of color.  When he talked about being given back  by the first set of foster parents, that made me so sad.

 

This is one story I'd love to see a follow-up on

Edited April 11, 2018 by ElleMo
My typing sucks

[stormy]

All around such likeable people in this episode. I also like that we met Chris's parents and the sister's families too.

[junemeatcleaver]

Quote

Perhaps that is good old-fashioned Catholic guilt. Not only was she having premarital sex, she was having it with two different men.

I thought her convenient amnesia had more to do with being ashamed she was involved with a Black man that Catholic guilt.  It's hard to imagine too many old time Italian families being pleased she was with and pregnant by a Black guy.  Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if the German was a guy she found so she could get married and pass the baby off as his.

[Carol2]

13 hours ago, ElleMo said:

I've never started a topic before but since there wasn't one for season 4 I thought a should. 

Tonight was the first episode of the season. I am so glad the sisters got reunited. I don't understand why the judge would ask a little girl if she wants her sister to live with her, and not give the grandmother custody. He should never have spoken to her at all. I also don't understand why the grandmother didn't have both sisters in the first place. Why put them in two different places if the grandmother was willing to have them both? Social Services really does suck. 

 

The other case was interesting. The mother was surprised that he was black. Then she started talking about repressed memories. And  told her son after "doing some soul-searching" she could tell him who the father was.  Perhaps that is good old-fashioned Catholic guilt. Not only was she having premarital sex, she was having it with two different men. So that could be why she forgot about the other one. She mentioned her boyfriend got tested and it said he was the child's father, so at the time she did have some doubts. Sounded like the blood test took away all her doubts. But back then, all they could do is blood typing and all that could do is prove if you weren't a parent. It couldn't positively prove that you are a parent, only that you have the right blood type. Lots of people have the same blood type.

 

Anyway, I hope it was guilt that made her repress memories. And not something more sinister.

She gave the dad's first name, but not his last name and then mentioned that he passed away at age 57. I wonder if she kept in touch with him for years or if she just looked him up after she spoke to Lisa. 

 

As a baby, he probably had very light skinned in the beginning, like many people of color do. Which is why one family took him home, then gave him back when they realized that he was a person of color.  When he talked about being given back  by the first set of foster parents, that made me so sad.

 

This is one story I'd love to see a follow-up on

I also wondered why the judge would have asked a little 7 year old girl that. And also why they wouldn’t want to keep the sister together.  Good thing he did though as now they have found each other.

[iMonrey]

Quote

I don't understand why the judge would ask a little girl if she wants her sister to live with her, and not give the grandmother custody. He should never have spoken to her at all. I also don't understand why the grandmother didn't have both sisters in the first place. Why put them in two different places if the grandmother was willing to have them both?

We're missing part of the story. The girls' mother wasn't in the picture and they didn't even know if she was still alive. We don't really know what kind of conditions she grew up in with her grandparents and great-grandmother. It's possible the judge was persuaded even they weren't suitable for the younger sister.

Chris's mother was sketchy too. I'm willing to bet there were more than 2 possible candidates for birth father. Not trying to judge or anything - just saying she was 19 and her parents were still calling the shots. She had to be dependent on them because they couldn't force her to go to a "home" at that age.

It's lucky the kids turned out as well as they did. 

[UsernameFatigue]

1 hour ago, iMonrey said:

 

Chris's mother was sketchy too. I'm willing to bet there were more than 2 possible candidates for birth father. Not trying to judge or anything - just saying she was 19 and her parents were still calling the shots. She had to be dependent on them because they couldn't force her to go to a "home" at that age.

It's lucky the kids turned out as well as they did. 

I think it is also possible that there was only one candidate - Chris's actual father - and that his bio mom made up the story about the German boyfriend. The whole timing of her story made no sense. She only held Christian for 5 minutes before giving him up, meaning she signed over rights to him before she even left the hospital. (Which was certainly normal for mothers in maternity homes). Why would this boyfriend come to Buffalo (from where?) to take a blood test and then propose marriage when in all likelihood she had already given Chris up? And if this story is true, her parents could not have stopped her from marrying the German boyfriend since she was 19 and an adult. I think she made up the German boyfriend to her parents and put the fake identity on Chris's birth certificate as she could not admit that his bio dad was black. JMO of course but her story was just too sketchy. 

In the previews, wasn't it Chris again that they showed crying about having given up a son that the show was looking for? Sure looked like him, but I could be wrong. 

[ElleMo]

1 hour ago, iMonrey said:

We're missing part of the story. The girls' mother wasn't in the picture and they didn't even know if she was still alive. We don't really know what kind of conditions she grew up in with her grandparents and great-grandmother. It's possible the judge was persuaded even they weren't suitable for the younger sister.

Chris's mother was sketchy too. I'm willing to bet there were more than 2 possible candidates for birth father. Not trying to judge or anything - just saying she was 19 and her parents were still calling the shots. She had to be dependent on them because they couldn't force her to go to a "home" at that age.

It's lucky the kids turned out as well as they did. 

Legally they couldn't force her to go to a home, but that wouldn't stop an old-fashioned Italian Dad.  I doubt she was financially able to break away and probably not emotionally ready either. I'm glad she told him who his dad is.  He can at least explore his heritage and his father's side of the family, & maybe meet a half sibling, aunt or uncle. 

2 hours ago, iMonrey said:

We're missing part of the story. The girls' mother wasn't in the picture and they didn't even know if she was still alive. We don't really know what kind of conditions she grew up in with her grandparents and great-grandmother. It's possible the judge was persuaded even they weren't suitable for the younger sister.

Chris's mother was sketchy too. I'm willing to bet there were more than 2 possible candidates for birth father. Not trying to judge or anything - just saying she was 19 and her parents were still calling the shots. She had to be dependent on them because they couldn't force her to go to a "home" at that age.

That's true.  Maybe he felt that the grandmother could care for one child, but not two.  Who knows.  

[stormy]

I didn't understand if the sisters shared the same father.

Also, in today's world it's normal to have a multi racial family but in 1970 it seems wierd that Chris would have been adopted by a white couple

[HZAnita]

1 hour ago, stormy said:

I didn't understand if the sisters shared the same father.

Also, in today's world it's normal to have a multi racial family but in 1970 it seems wierd that Chris would have been adopted by a white couple

I believe they said the DNA tests showed they were full sisters.

He was probably adopted by a white family because his birth certificate indicated that both of his birth parents were white.  The first family that adopted him apparently suspected and "returned" him.  Luckily, he was eventually adopted by parents who seemed to really love him.

[ElleMo]

1 hour ago, stormy said:

I didn't understand if the sisters shared the same father.

They didn't mention anything about the dad but I thought they mentioned that DNA said they were full sisters.

1 hour ago, stormy said:

in today's world it's normal to have a multi racial family but in 1970 it seems wierd that Chris would have been adopted by a white couple

MY THEORY:   Social services is a bureaucratic nightmare.  Mom said she and dad were white. Therefore this baby is white, regardless of how he looks, and must be adopted out to white family.  Family loves him and doesn't care what his skin color is. 

Alternate version:  White family really wants a baby.  There is a long line of people waiting for babies but not too many people who want a black baby, so they get offered a baby with darker skin and take him.

I made this all up in my head, so I could be wrong.

 

I see HZAnita  posted pretty much the same thing just before I did

Edited April 9, 2018 by ElleMo
repeating what someone else said