Small Talk: I Like Them All, I Just Can't Choose!

[Fishy]

Oh BB, sending you massive hugs and love to handle this transition.  The place sounds lovely and just the name alone sounds so picturesque.  I hope your Mom will rest comfortably.  The hospice angels will see to that.  I'm sure she hears you when you speak to her.  God bless you and your Mom.  Will be thinking of you both.

[TexasTiffany]

22 hours ago, walnutqueen said:

Yes, my last remaining indoor kitty.  I watched Quick Draw McGraw and Yogi Bear cartoons eons ago, so this little buddy was destined to be my sidekick, Baba Looey or Boo Boo.  My vet's office couldn't spell Baba Looey, so he became Babalu.   :-)

I am not particularly inventive when it comes to cat names.  My dearly departed include Toulouse (someone else's name, I called him "Too Loose"), Mama Puss Puss, Da Boy, Shoe Shoe, Kitty Kitty, (Teeny Weeny) Beanie Baby, Li'l Ole Man (with Jackson Avery Eyes), and Uncle Big Boy.  My remaining backyard semi-ferals are Mama Girl, Hissy Pissy, Tiger Baby, 'Stache, and Gnash.  THEY ALL ANSWER TO KITTY KITTY KITTY, PUSS PUSS PUSS - TREATIES!  (why bother with names, anyways, eh!)  :-D

Oh, and there's also a visiting neighborhood cat I call Pretty Boy, because unlike most gray/white tuxedos or cow cats, his white stockings go all the way up and meet on his shoulders and tail like some garter belts.  I should've called him Fancy pants.  heh.

Wowza - I just derailed and waxed poetic about my effing cat names.  Why yes, I AM that weird old cat lady, why do you ask?  ;-)

Babalu? I immediately thought of I Love Lucy. Ricky would sing his Babalu song. 

My puppy dog's names were Muffin, Bonnie, Roger, Candice, Phoebe and Sandy. I've had several friends with cats that had names like Snowball, Mr. Whiskers, BJ, Alleycat, Calico, WhiskerDoodle, WhiteSox and Buster. I find it interesting what we choose to call our pets. 

I've always fed my dogs a combination of wet and dry food. I bought a brand new big bag of dry food and set it in the kitchen. I was trying to pull that little string to open the bag. It opened the bag part way then ripped down into the bag. Kibble spilled EVERYWHERE. My puppies were right there watching the whole thing. I turned to look at Phoebe and Sandy. They turned to look at me. The surprise of it all stunned us for several seconds. Suddenly it was a mad dash to get the kibble. I was trying to scoop it up, Phoebe and Sandy were eating it as fast as they could. It was chaos in the kitchen... until it suddenly ended with me and my small pile and 2 puppy dogs with happy bellies. I lay on the floor trying to recover. 

Edited June 11, 2017 by TexasTiffany

[SuprSuprElevated]

2 hours ago, Bronx Babe said:

Dear Friends,

I put Mom in  hospice and yes, it was the best decision I could have made.  She was brought first into the hospital as I had initially requested.  They were attending to her and there was already a hospice nurse there to gently tell me that Mom could be immediately brought to Hospice By The Sea and that I could ride in their ambulence to see the place and get Mom situated.  I couldn't believe it was that "easy"  -- I just assumed I'd have to call a dozen hospice places and that the whole experience would take a lot of time and frustration but it really was like a band of angels helped to relieve Mom's and my suffering. 

They put Mom in a lovely room that's decorated like "Old Florida" -- white shutters, wall art with shell motifs, a beautiful lamp with an abstract sea design.  She was admitted Friday and one doctor said she could maybe last one night or two but now it's been three days and Mom is still hanging on.  Everyone is amazed but I keep telling them that my mother has always been a survivor, and now she's in the fight of her life.  I do realize it is now literally only a matter of time.  The place is only fifteen minutes from where I live so I've been able to spend the night there and then visit her during the day.  My cousin (who happens to be a nurse) has been by my side to lend support, and my best friend as well.  I'm still dreading that final call, but in the meantime, I cling to the fact that Mom is still here, even though she really doesn't know I'm there.  Her eyes are always shut although when I speak to her they flutter -- she can still hear I believe. 

Hospice By The Sea is remarkable -- a complementary breakfast is offered to family who stay the night.  There is a family room, snacks (cookies), coffee, etc.  The staff is excellent.  The medical technicians are treating Mom with dignity.  They really are angels.

So glad that you and your mom's needs are being met, and beautifully.  When she's ready, she will be afforded the dignity and grace that she deserves, which is ultimately the outcome that we all want.  I wish you peace.

[walnutqueen]

2 hours ago, Bronx Babe said:

Dear Friends,

I put Mom in  hospice and yes, it was the best decision I could have made.  She was brought first into the hospital as I had initially requested.  They were attending to her and there was already a hospice nurse there to gently tell me that Mom could be immediately brought to Hospice By The Sea and that I could ride in their ambulence to see the place and get Mom situated.  I couldn't believe it was that "easy"  -- I just assumed I'd have to call a dozen hospice places and that the whole experience would take a lot of time and frustration but it really was like a band of angels helped to relieve Mom's and my suffering. 

They put Mom in a lovely room that's decorated like "Old Florida" -- white shutters, wall art with shell motifs, a beautiful lamp with an abstract sea design.  She was admitted Friday and one doctor said she could maybe last one night or two but now it's been three days and Mom is still hanging on.  Everyone is amazed but I keep telling them that my mother has always been a survivor, and now she's in the fight of her life.  I do realize it is now literally only a matter of time.  The place is only fifteen minutes from where I live so I've been able to spend the night there and then visit her during the day.  My cousin (who happens to be a nurse) has been by my side to lend support, and my best friend as well.  I'm still dreading that final call, but in the meantime, I cling to the fact that Mom is still here, even though she really doesn't know I'm there.  Her eyes are always shut although when I speak to her they flutter -- she can still hear I believe. 

Hospice By The Sea is remarkable -- a complementary breakfast is offered to family who stay the night.  There is a family room, snacks (cookies), coffee, etc.  The staff is excellent.  The medical technicians are treating Mom with dignity.  They really are angels.

Oh, BB - my heart aches for you and your Mum, but I am glad to know you both found some semblance of peace and dignity in a decent place.  The coming days will not be easy for you, but knowing you have a support system in place is a relief.  Know you are in my thoughts, always.

 

6 minutes ago, TexasTiffany said:

Babalu? I immediately thought of I Love Lucy. Ricky would sing his Babalu song. 

My puppy dog's names were Muffin, Bonnie, Roger, Candice, Phoebe and Sandy. I've had several friends with cats that had names like Snowball, Mr. Whiskers, BJ, Alleycat, Calico, WhiskerDoodle, WhiteSox and Buster. I find it interesting what we choose to call our pets. 

I've always fed my dogs a combination of wet and dry food. I bought a brand new big bag of dry food and set it in the kitchen. I was trying to pull that little string to open the bag. It opened the bag part way then ripped down into the bag. Kibble spilled EVERYWHERE. My puppies were right there watching the whole thing. I turned to look at Phoebe and Sandy. They turned to look at me. The surprise of it all stunned us for several seconds. Suddenly it was a mad dash to get the kibble. I was trying to scoop it up, Phoebe and Sandy were eating it as fast as they could. It was chaos in the kitchen... until it suddenly ended with 2 puppy dogs with happy bellies. I lay on the floor trying to recover. 

Hah!!!  Too funny, TT.  Love you pups' names - especially the one that's my real life name, except for a teeny spelling variation.

I've had the same experience with my (outdoor feral) cat food bags.  Diabetic Babalu is on a restricted diet, but doesn't miss a chance to shove his head into the cat food pail as I'm transferring it from the big bags.   When one breaks, it is a mad scramble to sweep up the kibble whilst shoving him away with the broom.  :-)

[lovemesomejoolery]

3 hours ago, Bronx Babe said:

Dear Friends,

I put Mom in  hospice and yes, it was the best decision I could have made.  She was brought first into the hospital as I had initially requested.  They were attending to her and there was already a hospice nurse there to gently tell me that Mom could be immediately brought to Hospice By The Sea and that I could ride in their ambulence to see the place and get Mom situated.  I couldn't believe it was that "easy"  -- I just assumed I'd have to call a dozen hospice places and that the whole experience would take a lot of time and frustration but it really was like a band of angels helped to relieve Mom's and my suffering. 

They put Mom in a lovely room that's decorated like "Old Florida" -- white shutters, wall art with shell motifs, a beautiful lamp with an abstract sea design.  She was admitted Friday and one doctor said she could maybe last one night or two but now it's been three days and Mom is still hanging on.  Everyone is amazed but I keep telling them that my mother has always been a survivor, and now she's in the fight of her life.  I do realize it is now literally only a matter of time.  The place is only fifteen minutes from where I live so I've been able to spend the night there and then visit her during the day.  My cousin (who happens to be a nurse) has been by my side to lend support, and my best friend as well.  I'm still dreading that final call, but in the meantime, I cling to the fact that Mom is still here, even though she really doesn't know I'm there.  Her eyes are always shut although when I speak to her they flutter -- she can still hear I believe. 

Hospice By The Sea is remarkable -- a complementary breakfast is offered to family who stay the night.  There is a family room, snacks (cookies), coffee, etc.  The staff is excellent.  The medical technicians are treating Mom with dignity.  They really are angels.

Oh, @Bronx Babe, I am crying because I am so happy that you are having the great experience that I and others knew this could be.  Hospice By the Sea sounds lovely, with good people and a great atmosphere.  What a relief this must be to you to not only find an awesome place where you can not only have your mom receive hospice care but that you can participate and be with your mom - which is what all good hospices are about.

I am holding you and your mom in my heart. 

[TexasTiffany]

22 minutes ago, walnutqueen said:

Oh, BB - my heart aches for you and your Mum, but I am glad to know you both found some semblance of peace and dignity in a decent place.  The coming days will not be easy for you, but knowing you have a support system in place is a relief.  Know you are in my thoughts, always.

 

Hah!!!  Too funny, TT.  Love you pups' names - especially the one that's my real life name, except for a teeny spelling variation.

I've had the same experience with my (outdoor feral) cat food bags.  Diabetic Babalu is on a restricted diet, but doesn't miss a chance to shove his head into the cat food pail as I'm transferring it from the big bags.   When one breaks, it is a mad scramble to sweep up the kibble whilst shoving him away with the broom.  :-)

Rodger? LOL, I couldn't resist.

[walnutqueen]

5 minutes ago, TexasTiffany said:

Rodger? LOL, I couldn't resist.

Correctamundo, Tiffster (or do you prefer "Tiffy Biffy"?   "Tifftastica"?  I'm in a pet-naming mood)!   ;-)

[ennui]

Thoughts and prayers, Bronx Babe. I'm glad you can be there with your mom.

[CarpeDiem54]

@Bronx Babe -  {{HUGS}} to you and your Mom.  The hospice sounds like a lovely place.

[Bronx Babe]

4 hours ago, Thumper said:

Wow.  It sounds wonderful. BB, and I am so happy that you are pleased.  God bless you and your mom.❤️

Thank you so much, @Thumper  Blessings to you and your family.

3 hours ago, imisspuddy said:

My dear, sweet Bronxoni,

.  She knows. She knows. 

    Sending love and hugs. 

    I am holding you close. 

                    xo

Thank you my friend.  I would like to think she does.

[Bronx Babe]

3 hours ago, Ladyrain said:

Bronx Babe, I teared up reading your post and send warm, loving wishes to you and your Mom, hoping this last leg of her journey is peaceful and calm.  You sound like the best daughter ever.  This must be difficult for you on many levels; my mother and father both died in their sleep, quite unexpectedly, so situations such as yours touch my heart deeply, as I cannot imagine all the emotions involved in letting go.  Thank you for sharing this part of your story.?

@Ladyrain  Oh thank you so much for those words.  It will be very difficult to let go and of course as someone else mentioned (forgive me I can't remember our poster's name) no amount of mental anticipation can prepare a person for the finality of it all.

I'm so sorry to hear about the circumstances of your parents' deaths.

I'm trying to do what Mom would have wanted me to.

I have another conundrum I'd be blessed to have an opinion on from you and others here.

My brother (who lives in San Francisco) has been estranged from Mom for over twenty-five years.   He never calls or writes me either.  We've never been really close but I've learned that he went to a psychotherapist years ago who told him to "remove" himself from the "toxic" relationship with my mother (and she and I never found out what it really was)  Two years ago, in a nostalgic state, I actually phoned my brother.  The first words out of his mouth were (and I quote) "You understand I want nothing to do with our mother"

Should I inform him when Mom passes?

3 hours ago, Rustybones said:

Sending love to Bronx Babe and her Mama.

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts my friend.

[Bronx Babe]

2 hours ago, TexasTiffany said:

Bronxoni, I'm sorry you are going through this. The hospice you picked sounds wonderful. They've got experience and are prepared. I'm glad you found a place that is comfortable and decorated nicely. Sending hugs to you. We will be here.

Oh, @TexasTiffany, thank you.  God must be watching over Mom because He did direct me to this excellent hospice place.  And it does have a charming "tropical" look to it.

I'm also blessed to have friends like you and everyone else on these boards.  What a special group of people you are.

[Booney]

1 minute ago, Bronx Babe said:

@Ladyrain  Oh thank you so much for those words.  It will be very difficult to let go and of course as someone else mentioned (forgive me I can't remember our poster's name) no amount of mental anticipation can prepare a person for the finality of it all.

I'm so sorry to hear about the circumstances of your parents' deaths.

I'm trying to do what Mom would have wanted me to.

I have another conundrum I'd be blessed to have an opinion on from you and others here.

My brother (who lives in San Francisco) has been estranged from Mom for over twenty-five years.   He never calls or writes me either.  We've never been really close but I've learned that he went to a psychotherapist years ago who told him to "remove" himself from the "toxic" relationship with my mother (and she and I never found out what it really was)  Two years ago, in a nostalgic state, I actually phoned my brother.  The first words out of his mouth were (and I quote) "You understand I want nothing to do with our mother"

Should I inform him when Mom passes?

@Bronx Babe - First, I'm so glad you found the hospice for your mom. It sounds like the perfect place for her right now. Regarding your question about your brother - if it was me, I would inform him. Two years can be a long time and he may feel differently today. But even if he doesn't, I would give him the courtesy of knowing and then he can choose to do something or not. Just my opinion.

[Jaded]

When my Mom died it had been over 10yrs since she had contact with him and over 20 for me. I tried sending his sons on FB messages to let their father know she died. I think they went to that "other" box there that non friend messages go to. I had my Mom's FB login info since I helped her change her password there more then once. So I announced on there that she had died and if anyone was in contact with her brother I'd appreciate if they could tell him because I thought he should know. 

@Bronx Babe if you have his number just call him and tell him you thought he should know even if he doesn't want to discuss it further. It will clear your conscience and get rid of that "Should I or shouldn't I?" issue. I'm glad you found a kind and safe place for your Mom to go.  

Edited June 11, 2017 by Jaded

[Bronx Babe]

2 hours ago, Fishy said:

Oh BB, sending you massive hugs and love to handle this transition.  The place sounds lovely and just the name alone sounds so picturesque.  I hope your Mom will rest comfortably.  The hospice angels will see to that.  I'm sure she hears you when you speak to her.  God bless you and your Mom.  Will be thinking of you both.

@Fishy, blessings to you my friend.  Thank you so much for caring.  I know, the name is lovely: Hospice By The Sea.  Her eyelids flutter and she always tries to open them when I speak to her.  On one level I am at peace just knowing she is there but of course on another I'm bracing for "the call".  It could come any moment.

2 hours ago, SuprSuprElevated said:

So glad that you and your mom's needs are being met, and beautifully.  When she's ready, she will be afforded the dignity and grace that she deserves, which is ultimately the outcome that we all want.  I wish you peace.

Thanks so much, @SuprSuprElevated  There is a weight lifted off my shoulders knowing Mom is there and that I was guided to make the right decisions.

[StaceyNotStacie]

(((Hugs))) @Bronx Babe.  I'd inform him of her being in hospice now and leave the ball in his court. For all you know she could be hanging on waiting for him just in case.

My grandmother passed away about three years ago. She lived 8 hours away. We knew she had only a few weeks left and made a trip up there to see her. Once she saw my mom and all of the grandchildren (with the exception of my brother who lived 15 hours away and couldn't make it out there), she passed away within 48 hours of us going home. We think she held on long enough to see everyone who was physically able to make it there. 

[Bronx Babe]

2 hours ago, walnutqueen said:

Oh, BB - my heart aches for you and your Mum, but I am glad to know you both found some semblance of peace and dignity in a decent place.  The coming days will not be easy for you, but knowing you have a support system in place is a relief.  Know you are in my thoughts, always.

 

 

 

@walnutqueen your words are a comfort to me, thank you so much my friend.

[Ladyrain]

Bronx Babe, my first reaction is to say, yes - call your brother when the time comes.  However ---  be prepared for the negative reaction you'll probably get.  Hopefully it won't be hateful, thus adding to your grief, but it doesn't appear that he will have anything kind to say, based on your last conversation.  But you will have been the bigger, better person by informing him, and if he says anything too hurtful to hear, just end the conversation.  Whatever his issues are, you are not responsible for his state of mind, so just let him know the facts and know you did the 'right' thing.  And just say goodbye and hang up if it becomes too difficult.  Then let it go, so that his harsh words and feelings won't affect you any further.  You have enough on your plate right now, which will surely get fuller as the days go by.  I really am so sorry for what you're dealing with.  We are all here for you; for one another through good times and bad.  This board -  and everyone I've "met" here -  is one of the best things I've ever experienced.

[Bronx Babe]

2 hours ago, lovemesomejoolery said:

Oh, @Bronx Babe, I am crying because I am so happy that you are having the great experience that I and others knew this could be.  Hospice By the Sea sounds lovely, with good people and a great atmosphere.  What a relief this must be to you to not only find an awesome place where you can not only have your mom receive hospice care but that you can participate and be with your mom - which is what all good hospices are about.

I am holding you and your mom in my heart. 

@lovemesomejoolery I cannot thank you and others here enough for gently but realistically guiding me to make this decision. You guys (oh gack, I sound like Loco Lori) are also angels, along with this hospice staff.  And yes it is a very lovely facility.  Blessings to you my friend.

2 hours ago, ennui said:

Thoughts and prayers, Bronx Babe. I'm glad you can be there with your mom.

@ennui  Thanks for giving me a dose of reality by letting me know that the hospice people were not, as you put it, my "enemy"  I see now what an invaluable service they provide and I'm grateful Mom is there.   

Edited June 11, 2017 by Bronx Babe

[Bronx Babe]

1 hour ago, CarpeDiem54 said:

@Bronx Babe -  {{HUGS}} to you and your Mom.  The hospice sounds like a lovely place.

@CarpeDiem54  Blessings my friend.  Thank you!  (lurv those hugs and I'll bet Mom is feeling them too)  This facility does have seaside charm which of course adds to the level of comfort.

[Bronx Babe]

1 hour ago, PearlClutcher said:

@Bronx Babe such great news.  So nice that this fell into place because we all knew how difficult it is for you (and mom).  Her room sounds so pretty and relaxing.  Just enjoy time with your mother and know that she will receive care from wonderful people.

Oh thanks so much, @PearlClutcher  It really did fall into place -- seamless, actually, under the circumstances.  Everything was coordinated so well -- the head hospice nurse who was "waiting" for me at the hospital, the genuine friendliness of the transporting team to the facility itself (one of the drivers was from Da Bronx, and not far from my old neighborhood) and the dignity as an individual Mom was given when she was placed on her new bed in the lovely "Old Florida" room with the shutters and seashell art.  I so much appreciate your kind words my friend.

[Bronx Babe]

35 minutes ago, Booney said:

@Bronx Babe - First, I'm so glad you found the hospice for your mom. It sounds like the perfect place for her right now. Regarding your question about your brother - if it was me, I would inform him. Two years can be a long time and he may feel differently today. But even if he doesn't, I would give him the courtesy of knowing and then he can choose to do something or not. Just my opinion.

Thanks so much, @Booney  I do feel better that Mom is there right now, and thank you for your thoughts about telling my brother.  He's a pretty stubborn person and is the type who withdraws into himself without sharing a lot of his own pain.  Not sure if he'll feel differently after two years but who knows.

30 minutes ago, Ladyrain said:

Bronx Babe, my first reaction is to say, yes - call your brother when the time comes.  However ---  be prepared for the negative reaction you'll probably get.  Hopefully it won't be hateful, thus adding to your grief, but it doesn't appear that he will have anything kind to say, based on your last conversation.  But you will have been the bigger, better person by informing him, and if he says anything too hurtful to hear, just end the conversation.  Whatever his issues are, you are not responsible for his state of mind, so just let him know the facts and know you did the 'right' thing.  And just say goodbye and hang up if it becomes too difficult.  Then let it go, so that his harsh words and feelings won't affect you any further.  You have enough on your plate right now, which will surely get fuller as the days go by.  I really am so sorry for what you're dealing with.  We are all here for you; for one another through good times and bad.  This board -  and everyone I've "met" here -  is one of the best things I've ever experienced.

@Ladyrain you are a wise soul and your words have hit home with me. Thank you my friend.  I will not expect any "transformation" from my brother at this point but I am leaning toward calling and giving him the news, while distancing myself from any negative responses.

Yes, meeting you and everyone here has been a blessing.

[editorgrrl]

31 minutes ago, Stacey1014 said:

(((Hugs))) @Bronx Babe.  I'd inform him of her being in hospice now and leave the ball in his court. For all you know she could be hanging on waiting for him just in case.

My grandmother passed away about three years ago. She lived 8 hours away. We knew she had only a few weeks left and made a trip up there to see her. Once she saw my mom and all of the grandchildren (with the exception of my brother who lived 15 hours away and couldn't make it out there), she passed away within 48 hours of us going home. We think she held on long enough to see everyone who was physically able to make it there. 

I agree. Reach out to your brother now. Anything could have happened since last you spoke. He may even want the opportunity to say goodbye. One never knows.

[Bronx Babe]

35 minutes ago, Stacey1014 said:

(((Hugs))) @Bronx Babe.  I'd inform him of her being in hospice now and leave the ball in his court. For all you know she could be hanging on waiting for him just in case.

My grandmother passed away about three years ago. She lived 8 hours away. We knew she had only a few weeks left and made a trip up there to see her. Once she saw my mom and all of the grandchildren (with the exception of my brother who lived 15 hours away and couldn't make it out there), she passed away within 48 hours of us going home. We think she held on long enough to see everyone who was physically able to make it there. 

Thank you very much, @Stacey1014 for your thoughtful and loving input!  I'm so glad your grandmother was able to leave in peace knowing that most of her family was there to say their final farewells.

4 minutes ago, editorgrrl said:

I agree. Reach out to your brother now. Anything could have happened since last you spoke. He may even want the opportunity to say goodbye. One never knows.

@editorgrrl  Thank you so much for your kind input and thoughtful advice!

[Bronx Babe]

1 hour ago, Jaded said:

When my Mom died it had been over 10yrs since she had contact with him and over 20 for me. I tried sending his sons on FB messages to let their father know she died. I think they went to that "other" box there that non friend messages go to. I had my Mom's FB login info since I helped her change her password there more then once. So I announced on there that she had died and if anyone was in contact with her brother I'd appreciate if they could tell him because I thought he should know. 

@Bronx Babe if you have his number just call him and tell him you thought he should know even if he doesn't want to discuss it further. It will clear your conscience and get rid of that "Should I or shouldn't I?" issue. I'm glad you found a kind and safe place for your Mom to go.  

@Jaded  Thank you so much for sharing your advice on this prickly and painful subject.  I appreciate it.

[ennui]

2 hours ago, Bronx Babe said:

Should I inform him when Mom passes?

Is he in the will?  :)  :)

If it were me, I'd send him a note with a copy of the obit. (Of course, nowadays, I guess it's an email with a link.) He should be told, but he must be aware that his mother is 96. If it meant anything to him, he would have made an effort. 

Something I've been meaning to ask ... BB, you have mentioned "getting the call" a few times. Do you not want to be present? Some do, some don't, I'm not judging, but you might give it some thought.

Edited June 11, 2017 by ennui

[Fishy]

I just HAVE to get this story out - if you've been posting at the other place, you'll understand.

I had a co-worker (an older lady) who always bought in homemade goodies, cakes, cookies, you name it and we chowed them down with gusto.

One Saturday we were going to go to an art fair together and I went to her house to pick her up.  Well, her kitchen was a TOTAL DISASTER AREA, crusted and spilled over food on the stove, dirty dishes and utensils piled high in the sink that looked like they'd been there for days, all dried and crusty looking and paper piled a foot high on her dining table.  She asked me if I would like some coffee and I said 'sure' and then watched her reheat some old coffee that was in a pot on the stove (God knows how old it was) and served it to me with a big smile.  Yikes!

You can imagine what I thought the next time she brought food into the office. 

Edited June 11, 2017 by Fishy

[Booney]

15 minutes ago, PearlClutcher said:

Love those names.  And yes they will respond to "treaties", are you kidding?  They're smart.  That kitty with the tall stockings must be so cute, and unique.   I thought you were referring to Desi Arnaz too singing Babyloo too.  Geez I had a Quick Draw McGraw doll complete with the hat and gunbelt.   I didn't play with him much though.  I couldn't dress him like a Barbie.  I had a dog called Bobbie named after my mom's nick.  We called her everything but ...B-O-B (we actually spelled it), Bobaroony,  Big Bad Bobasaurus Rex, and BBQ Bob.  Mr, Clutcher called her sometimes Miss 3 o'clock because that's when she wanted her dinner.  She was great because she loved everyone and other animals including cats.  Pets are such a comfort and source of fun and, no, I don't think you're a weird cat lady! ?

That's funny - I thought I was the only kid who had a Quick Draw McGraw doll. Mine was a plush toy, and was a pretty good size. I loved all of those Hanna Barbera characters and had a couple more plush dolls - Yogi Bear and Huckleberry Hound. My parents bought me a plush white donkey one Christmas to go with my Quick Draw. The donkey had a little Mexican hat and was wearing a Sarape. Not very PC, lol, but I loved playing with him and my Quick Draw!

[Rustybones]

3 hours ago, Stacey1014 said:

(((Hugs))) @Bronx Babe.  I'd inform him of her being in hospice now and leave the ball in his court. For all you know she could be hanging on waiting for him just in case.

My grandmother passed away about three years ago. She lived 8 hours away. We knew she had only a few weeks left and made a trip up there to see her. Once she saw my mom and all of the grandchildren (with the exception of my brother who lived 15 hours away and couldn't make it out there), she passed away within 48 hours of us going home. We think she held on long enough to see everyone who was physically able to make it there. 

BB, I agree with Stacy's post.  I volunteered for a Hospice after retiring and when we went through the training we were taught that many times a loved one hangs on because they are waiting to see someone in the hope of resolving an issue, or waiting to just say goodbye to someone.

[CarpeDiem54]

37 minutes ago, Fishy said:

I just HAVE to get this story out - if you've been posting at the other place, you'll understand.

I had a co-worker (an older lady) who always bought in homemade goodies, cakes, cookies, you name it and we chowed them down with gusto.

One Saturday we were going to go to an art fair together and I went to her house to pick her up.  Well, her kitchen was a TOTAL DISASTER AREA, crusted and spilled over food on the stove, dirty dishes and utensils piled high in the sink that looked like they'd been there for days, all dried and crusty looking and paper piled a foot high on her dining table.  She asked me if I would like some coffee and I said 'sure' and then watched her reheat some old coffee that was in a pot on the stove (God knows how old it was) and served it to me with a big smile.  Yikes!

You can imagine what I thought the next time she brought food into the office. 

Yikes!  Did you warn your co-workers?  Maybe you all built up strong immune systems because of it.  LOL.

I've been putting off giving my kitchen a good scrub today.  Although it's cleaned every day, I thought it needed a good once over - removing and cleaning vent filters above the stove, etc.   I'd better get busy.

[lovemesomejoolery]

3 hours ago, Bronx Babe said:

I have another conundrum I'd be blessed to have an opinion on from you and others here.

My brother (who lives in San Francisco) has been estranged from Mom for over twenty-five years.   He never calls or writes me either.  We've never been really close but I've learned that he went to a psychotherapist years ago who told him to "remove" himself from the "toxic" relationship with my mother (and she and I never found out what it really was)  Two years ago, in a nostalgic state, I actually phoned my brother.  The first words out of his mouth were (and I quote) "You understand I want nothing to do with our mother"

Should I inform him when Mom passes?

My opinion is yes, inform him.  What he chooses to do with that information is on him.  By telling him, you remove yourself from the situation between your mom and him, and let him decide how to react.  You won't have to feel guilty about not telling him or wonder if you did the right or wrong thing by not telling. 

At that point, you will have done your part and then some.

Edited June 11, 2017 by lovemesomejoolery

[TexasTiffany]

4 hours ago, walnutqueen said:

Correctamundo, Tiffster (or do you prefer "Tiffy Biffy"?   "Tifftastica"?  I'm in a pet-naming mood)!   ;-)

What? That's correct? I really thought it was Candace with an A instead of an I! 

LOL TexasTiffany is a name I used when I started playing online Texas Hold'em poker. My real name isn't Tiffany. It went easily with Texas. 

3 hours ago, Bronx Babe said:

Oh, @TexasTiffany, thank you.  God must be watching over Mom because He did direct me to this excellent hospice place.  And it does have a charming "tropical" look to it.

I'm also blessed to have friends like you and everyone else on these boards.  What a special group of people you are.

My reason for mentioning how nice the room sounds, is I remember the room where my mom passed. It was a dingy gray dirty-looking room at the hospital. I wished better for my mom. I know there are more important things going on than what the room looked like. For me, I would have liked my mom to have been more comfortable with something pleasant. 

[walnutqueen]

Wow, @Bronx Babe,  you really are living my life right now.  I went through a similar situation with my semi-estranged half brother.  For no damned reason (other than being a steaming pile of dogshit, just like his Dad), he stopped calling my Mum on special occasions about a year and a half before she went into hospice.  Mum & I talked (and talked, and talked) about this - she asked me to call him when she first went into hospital - I left a message but neither of us got a response.  Then when she was in hospice, she said I could send him an email with her contact info.  Six months - he never called.  She was heartbroken.  Mum told me not to bother informing him when she died.  My conscience got the better of me in a moment of weakness and I tried calling, even left a message on his office voicemail asking him to contact me.  Nothing.  I hate him for hurting my Mum, and will NEVER forgive him, or forget.  I need to stop now - this is a trauma I have little desire to revisit, and it is still a fresh wound (my Mum died on 11/22/16).

My advice is to do whatever you think your Mum would want, and don't give it another thought.  

 

7 minutes ago, TexasTiffany said:

What? That's correct? I really thought it was Candace with an A instead of an I! 

Nah - I was just messing with ya!  :-)

[TexasTiffany]

1 hour ago, Fishy said:

I just HAVE to get this story out - if you've been posting at the other place, you'll understand.

I had a co-worker (an older lady) who always bought in homemade goodies, cakes, cookies, you name it and we chowed them down with gusto.

One Saturday we were going to go to an art fair together and I went to her house to pick her up.  Well, her kitchen was a TOTAL DISASTER AREA, crusted and spilled over food on the stove, dirty dishes and utensils piled high in the sink that looked like they'd been there for days, all dried and crusty looking and paper piled a foot high on her dining table.  She asked me if I would like some coffee and I said 'sure' and then watched her reheat some old coffee that was in a pot on the stove (God knows how old it was) and served it to me with a big smile.  Yikes!

You can imagine what I thought the next time she brought food into the office. 

Last Friday there was a huge sheet cake at work for a co-worker who was retiring. I had already had a piece and was talking with others. I watched as a woman I don't care for went over to the cake and picked out a large piece. There were paper plates and napkins beside the cake box. She however left her piece on the cake board in the box and chose to stick her fingers in her piece of cake and lick her fingers. Someone told her to take her piece and go sit down. She lifted the piece up to put it on a plate, but it fell out of her hand and onto the table. She picked it up with her licked fingers, put it back in the cake box and cut small slivers off of it and ate it over the cake box. When she walked away, I saw she'd left half of her piece there. You just don't do that! Gross!

Edited June 11, 2017 by TexasTiffany

[rcc]

What a selfish and crass thing to do. Fire her!

[SuprSuprElevated]

24 minutes ago, walnutqueen said:

My advice is to do whatever you think your Mum would want, and don't give it another thought.  

Your advice is sound.

Really sorry that you had to deal with the brother.  Family dynamics are so.damn.complicated.

[seasons]

@Bronx Babe - ?

 

Is your mother a New Yorker? 

My mom is. From the Bronx too.

My heart is breaking for you and your mom. Truly.

[kittygirl]

@Bronx Babe, I have been praying for you and your mom. I was with my mom when she passed after 3 days in a coma...and a 2year battle. It was so very peaceful and comforting for me, not like I feared at all. Now it's a memory that is precious. Even after 34 years, I miss her so. Knowing her final days were peaceful and pain free means so much. I know you are in a quandry about your brother but I don't have any experience...only child. I think I would call , if only to remove any remorse for myself. Then things are on him.

After my time with my mom, I do believe she knows you are there with her. Blessings to both of you.

[zxy556575]

@Bronx Babe, thanks for keeping us updated on your mom's condition. I'm relieved to hear she was moved to a hospice facility -- every place I've had contact with over the years has been absolutely wonderful. It's so nice to be able to spend unlimited time there, with visitors welcomed and made comfortable. Peaceful wishes to you in this most stressful of times.

As for informing your brother, knowing the little I do about you, I think you'd feel bad if you didn't. Best to email or leave him a voicemail and pass the responsibility onto him. It doesn't sound like he's apt to respond but this way you don't leave yourself open to him possibly accusing you of deception at a later date.

My own dad is back in the hospital again after losing consciousness. His blood pressure continues to drop despite a series of different medications. I'm hoping he doesn't have another stroke, but being so far away makes the anxiety even worse.

[walnutqueen]

Long distance worry & anxiety is so damned difficult, @Lord Donia.  Sending good thoughts out into the Universe for you and your Dad.

[Coffeecup]

BronxBabe, I am keeping you and your mother in my thoughts and prayers. You made the right decision. Her Old Florida room sounds serene and lovely. I am glad the staff is so compassionate and helpful.

About notifying your brother when the time comes, I agree with the advice others have given: call or e-mail him and let him know. It's up to him whether he wants to do anything about it. That's his problem. You will have the decision off your mind.

Ennui made a good point when she asked whether he is in your mother's will. If you notify him of her death, then you can never be accused of trying to delay him receiving his bequest. Hmm, just thought of an alternative. If your brother was mentioned in the will, then you could ask the lawyer who probates the will to notify him of the death, instead of your having to do it.

Lord Donia, I hope your dad's condition stabilizes and he recovers.

[kittygirl]

@Lord Donia, my prayers and thoughts for healing and peace for you and your father. It's difficult to be far away. Makes you feel helpless.

[SuprSuprElevated]

1 hour ago, Lord Donia said:

@Bronx Babe, thanks for keeping us updated on your mom's condition. I'm relieved to hear she was moved to a hospice facility -- every place I've had contact with over the years has been absolutely wonderful. It's so nice to be able to spend unlimited time there, with visitors welcomed and made comfortable. Peaceful wishes to you in this most stressful of times.

As for informing your brother, knowing the little I do about you, I think you'd feel bad if you didn't. Best to email or leave him a voicemail and pass the responsibility onto him. It doesn't sound like he's apt to respond but this way you don't leave yourself open to him possibly accusing you of deception at a later date.

My own dad is back in the hospital again after losing consciousness. His blood pressure continues to drop despite a series of different medications. I'm hoping he doesn't have another stroke, but being so far away makes the anxiety even worse.

Sorry to hear that your dad is having struggles LD.  Best to him and to you for a better tomorrow.

Edited June 12, 2017 by SuprSuprElevated

[zoemom]

Bronx Babe, thank you for the update regarding your mom.  I "welled up" a bit while reading it, I know you were a bit reluctant to take this step, but I'm so pleased to read that you are comfortable with your decision.   I'm such a proponent of hospice.    Hospice by the Sea sounds lovely; I'm sure you feel relieved that you can spend as much time as you want with your mom and additionally can see that she is receiving proper care and is comfortable.  I'm sure, even if her eyes are closed, she knows that you are by her side.  

With regard to your brother, I agree with what others here have posted.  Give him a call.  He's an adult, if he responds (or doesn't) at least you have done your part.  After that, let it go.  This is a difficult enough time for you without any additional stress.   You don't need to worrying about someone, who for whatever reason, has decided to close the door.   You need to stay present and focused for you and your mom and try not to let his "behavior" invade your time together.  I don't know if you would want (or feel comfortable) in discussing the situation with the staff at Hospice by the Sea, they might have some suggestions in how to approach this as well.  

Sending my thoughts and prayers to you and your mom.

[lovemesomejoolery]

2 hours ago, Lord Donia said:

@Bronx Babe, thanks for keeping us updated on your mom's condition. I'm relieved to hear she was moved to a hospice facility -- every place I've had contact with over the years has been absolutely wonderful. It's so nice to be able to spend unlimited time there, with visitors welcomed and made comfortable. Peaceful wishes to you in this most stressful of times.

As for informing your brother, knowing the little I do about you, I think you'd feel bad if you didn't. Best to email or leave him a voicemail and pass the responsibility onto him. It doesn't sound like he's apt to respond but this way you don't leave yourself open to him possibly accusing you of deception at a later date.

My own dad is back in the hospital again after losing consciousness. His blood pressure continues to drop despite a series of different medications. I'm hoping he doesn't have another stroke, but being so far away makes the anxiety even worse.

I'm sorry to hear about your dad.  I was within an hour or two of both of my parents and know my anxiety was at an all time high when their end was near.  I can't imagine what it would be like to be so far away.  I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

[zoemom]

2 hours ago, Lord Donia sa

My own dad is back in the hospital again after losing consciousness. His blood pressure continues to drop despite a series of different medications. I'm hoping he doesn't have another stroke, but being so far away makes the anxiety even worse.

Lord Donia, I'm sorry to hear about your dad, I know how helpless I felt when my dad had his stroke and I was 1,000 miles away.  I hope that his physicians can come up with some medications that can stabilize him.  Is there any way you can travel to see him?

Sending positive thoughts and prayers to your dad, please keep us updated.

[Fishy]

11 hours ago, Lord Donia said:

My own dad is back in the hospital again after losing consciousness. His blood pressure continues to drop despite a series of different medications. I'm hoping he doesn't have another stroke, but being so far away makes the anxiety even worse.

Keeping you and your Dad in my thoughts and prayers ((Hugs))

[Fishy]

I don't need to step outside to know it's uncomfortably warm because my cats are my temperature gauge.  Even though indoor temps are comfortable my cats are still sprawled out and stretched out like limp rags everytime I go look for them.  They're feeling it.  It's going to be close to 95 here today.  Yowza.  For this non heat lover a trip to that ice hotel might be nice right about now.

Edited June 12, 2017 by Fishy

[imisspuddy]

BB: Once again, we are in a similar position.  Tell your brother.  Perhaps Hospice can be the one to make the call.  I am hoping that when the time comes, the nursing home or hospice will make the call for me.  That way you know you did all you could and no one can come back and excuse you of anything.  Hugs.

Lord Donia:  Sending hugs and good thoughts.

[zxy556575]

I appreciate all the kind thoughts for my dad, truly. I'm not able to do plane travel because of physical limitations, so it's a matter of waiting for the call to come. He had open heart surgery for a valve replacement when he was 80, so he's pretty tough. I'm very close to my stepmother and worry about her state of mind as well. She's the younger trophy wife at 91. ;-)