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David T. Cole

Quotes: I Have Misplaced My Pants

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When the Simpsons get a pool and Bart falls out of the tree:

Milhouse: Nelson, uh, I think he's really hurt. His leg's probably broken.

Nelson: I SAID, "Ha, ha."

In a tone of voice as if he'd done something helpful

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Marge: Kids, tell me when your father stops scratching himself....kids?

Bart: We'll tell ya, mom.

 

Homer: By the time Bart's 18 we're gonna control the world. We're China, right?

 

Marge: Lisa, I know a song that might cheer you up. There once was an ugly duckling...

Lisa: So you think I'm ugly?

Marge: No, no, no. I meant you were one of the good looking ducks....that makes fun of the ugly ones.

 

Homer: There once was rapping tomato. That's right I said rapping tomato. He rapped all day from April to May and also guess what it was me.

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They re-aired Homerpalooza yesterday and it reminded me of this awesome line, with young(ish) Grandpa talking to young Homer in a flashback:

 

"I used to be with it. Then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it,' and what's 'it' seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you!"

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They re-aired Homerpalooza yesterday and it reminded me of this awesome line, with young(ish) Grandpa talking to young Homer in a flashback:

 

"I used to be with it. Then they changed what 'it' was. Now what I'm with isn't 'it,' and what's 'it' seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you!"

 

I think of that line daily... in reference to myself.

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Bart, about having to sleep in the same beds as Patty and Selma: I'm scared, Lisa.

Lisa: You think you know fear? Well, I'VE seen them NAKED.

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From a "Treehouse of Horror," Frink's zombie father (Jerry Lewis) at the Nobel Prize ceremony: "I'm gonna go smorgasbord on these poindexters!"

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MargaretMontgomery, Lisa The Greek.

 

"We must consider.....many things....the wind...."

"D'oh! Not the wind!"

"Is blowing out of the West at.....5..."

"Miles per hour?"

"Knots."

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what's the episode where Homer calls a recorded phoneline to get tips from a tv sports host and the person on the other end says words like Cincinnati very slowly so Homer has to stay on the line longer and it costs more?

Lisa the Greek

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Marge: Now that's what I call break neck speed.

Bart: Mom, a man just died.

 

Lenny: I hate guys that just push buttons all day.

Carl: You just push buttons all day.

Lenny: You know, ever since Obama came in  you just got all the answers don't you?

 

Bart: I'm done working. Working is for chumps.

Homer: I'm proud of you. I was twice your age before I figured that.

 

Homer: If I find out who this is I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!

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Marge: Now that's what I call break neck speed.

Bart: Mom, a man just died.

 

I have no idea what the context was for that but it made me laugh out loud.

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Can anyone tell me where exactly the line "Why now? Why not ten years ago?" came from?

 

I feel like it was "The Critic" speaking to McBain about his retirement. Am I hallucinating?

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Ray Patterson: You know, I'm not much on speeches but it's so gratifying to leave you wallowing in the mess you've made- you're screwed. Thank you, bye.

 

Lisa: You know the Chinese use the same word for crisis that they do for opportunity?

Homer: Yes. Crisitunity!

 

Ralph: Do you want a hint?

Lisa: I don't need a hint, Ralph.

Ralph: But you're suffering!

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Homer: Before I show you who wants to guess how I got the money?

Bart: Dealing drugs?

Lisa: Drugs.

Marge: I'll have to say drugs, too.

Homer: Close but you're way off.

 

Homer: Oh lord, protect this rocket house and all that dwell in the rocket house.

 

Homer: No one man can do all that. You're a liar, honey. A dirty, rotten, liar.

 

Bart: Ding, dong, ditch means you kill her than you throw that ding dong into a ditch.

 

Bart: Did you know the holes only natural enemy is the pile?

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Marge: "Fine! I admit it, you nipple Nazis: I give my baby formula!"

 

Hipster father to Homer: "You've transformed a slaughterhouse into a place of violence!"

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Bart: Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...the birth of Santa.

 

Marge (singing): Christmas is a family day.

Homer: I told Grandpa we'd be away.

Lisa: He's at the door.

Bart: Let's hit the floor.

All: 'Cause Christmas Eve is here.

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Krusty: "Kid, you're the best thing that's happened to this business since--"

 

Lisa: "Mitzi Gaynor?"

 

Krusty: "I was gonna say 'cheap Korean animation,' but sure."

Edited by honeywest
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Apu's citizenship test:

Proctor: All right, here’s your last question. What was the cause of the Civil War?
Apu: Actually, there were numerous causes. Aside from the obvious schism between the abolitionists and the anti-abolitionists, there were economic factors, both domestic and inter–
Proctor: Wait, wait… just say slavery.
Apu: Slavery it is, sir.

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There's a franchising expo in town this weekend -- hearing the ad on the radio brought so many quotes to my head!!

 

Helen: Hmm, Pita.  Well, I don't know about food from the Middle East. Isn't that whole area a little iffy?
Hostess: Hey, I'm no geographer.  You and I -- why don't we call it pocket bread, huh?
Maude: Umm, what's tahini?
Hostess: Flavor sauce.
Edna: And falafel?
Hostess: Crunch patties.
Helen: So, we'd be selling foreign...
Hostess: Specialty foods.  Here, try a Ben Franklin.
 

Although, to be honest I could really go for a pretzel right about now.

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Homer: "But Marge! I was a political prisoner!"

 

Marge: "Oh, for God's sake. How were you a political prisoner?"

 

Homer: "I kicked a giant robot in the butt! Do I have to draw you a picture?"

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Ned: "Homer, please don't sue the church! I'm asking you as your friend and neighbor!"

 

Homer: "Can I borrow your pen to sign this deposition?"

 

Ned: "Okily-dokily!"

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Homer: Bart was strangely quiet. Later he explained that he was confused by feelings of respect for me.

 

Homer: Isn't there a pound where you can pick up cheap ponies that ran away from home?

 

Bart: Mom, you can hug me while I'm asleep.

Marge: I do.

Bart: Ahhhhh!

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Random great one from season 25:

 

Homer: My lifestyle is my retirement plan.

 

Heh. I hear you on that one Homer.

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Grampa: "I couldn't quite put my finger on it. There was something strange about the way he walked, much more vertical than usual."

 

From the catburglar episode. Actually, I love Grampa's whole explanation of figuring out who it was. I always think "for sneaking" after saying the word sneakers!

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