Small Talk: Out of Genoa

[pearlite]

I know about terror spirals, and I understand how a phone call can set you off again so fast.

But--listen to peaches, going down these roads is beyond awful, and in the last couple of years I've been through some. Listen to what she says above. It's true.

I'm rooting for you, and praying for you as well. You're irreplaceable.

[NinjaPenguins]

Thanks. My paternal grandmother, the woman who introduced me to Y&R, had breast cancer when I was too young to remember. She opted for a mastectomy right off and was c-free until the day she died at 91. My aunt has been needled multiple times with no bad results. Seriously, thanks to everyone who has been encouraging. It does help, even though I backslide on the anxiety now and then.

[miamama]

2 hours ago, NinjaPenguins said:

Hell yes, it's a visit from movinon in classic movinon style! 

So I got a call today to explain Monday's tit needling, which has sent me into one of my anxiety/abject terror spirals. I don't care about the procedure too much (of course no one wants a needle in the honeydews, but that's how it goes), but I keep imagining the phone call a few days later to tell me the pathologists found something horrible and invasive and aggressive. To be blunt, I've had some nip issues where they found the round thing and my classes at the Google School of Medicine show me only bad things. Yes, I realize I'm only tormenting myself. I curse my imagination; other than coming up with infinite insults for Nick Newman, it does me little good.

Oh, Ninja. It's okay. Be scared. Get drunk. You'll be okay. But sometimes you need to do what you need to do. And maybe it's just be shit scared. You're allowed.

[jewel21]

I love how we're all a great big family on this board. We can come here and vent or seek comfort. It's a great feeling. I was an admin on a board where we were all a great big family once upon a time, but it died a few years ago so I'm so happy to have found a second home.

Hang in there, Ninja! My thoughts are with you *hugs*

[valleycliffe]

oh ninja, a great big bear hug to you from me.  believe me, i know what its' like to be scared out of your mind...sometimes a doobie helps a great deal.  love you and we are all hear fror you.

hmm a thought.  can you love someone you've never met except online..

yes, i think you can.

[peacheslatour]

Quote

a doobie helps a great deal.

Roger that! Lucky to live in Seattle. We have great pot stores.

Question for anyone who knows anything about this: Next week I have to appear before a judge. I've been trying to get SSA disability benefits for years. Any tips on what to say? Obviously I'm just going to tell the truth, but I feel like I'm on trial. Is it like in a courtroom?

[NinjaPenguins]

There is a definite friends and family vibe here. That's one good thing about Y&R - I've "met" some great people discussing it. 

[boes]

5 hours ago, NinjaPenguins said:

Thanks. My paternal grandmother, the woman who introduced me to Y&R, had breast cancer when I was too young to remember. She opted for a mastectomy right off and was c-free until the day she died at 91. My aunt has been needled multiple times with no bad results. Seriously, thanks to everyone who has been encouraging. It does help, even though I backslide on the anxiety now and then.

Ninjapenguins, a couple of years ago I was told it was pretty certain I had prostate cancer.  Levels were through the roof and the MRI identified 6 likely nodules.  Treatment plan was in place, doc went in to biopsy to make sure - my Dad and one brother had it so I was sure - biopsies came back negative.  Hormone imbalance was the root cause of the elevated levels, the nodules were and are a mystery, although I now blame Munster Billy ButtBiscuit for it all (including my current cold).

I understand the anxiety waves - I mean, how can you not have them?  But they do ebb and flow.  And the ButtBiscuit internet thrives on worst case scenarios.  Smoke a joint, have a drink, prank call your neighbors, teepee your local old folks home, kick a CBS executive.  Or imagine ButtBiscuit kidnapped by a giant mutated bedbug and being fed alive to its pupae - and come here and talk to your hearts content.  Whatever gets you through.  

We all love ya and we're not going anywhere.

Edited June 11, 2016 by boes

[NinjaPenguins]

Boes, you certainly know how to have fun, and I am very glad things turned out well for you. It is rather relaxing to imagine a group of hooligans TPing Buttbiscuit Bordello. Ahhhh.

[Cupid Stunt]

5 hours ago, NinjaPenguins said:

Hell yes, it's a visit from movinon in classic movinon style! 

So I got a call today to explain Monday's tit needling, which has sent me into one of my anxiety/abject terror spirals. I don't care about the procedure too much (of course no one wants a needle in the honeydews, but that's how it goes), but I keep imagining the phone call a few days later to tell me the pathologists found something horrible and invasive and aggressive. To be blunt, I've had some nip issues where they found the round thing and my classes at the Google School of Medicine show me only bad things. Yes, I realize I'm only tormenting myself. I curse my imagination; other than coming up with infinite insults for Nick Newman, it does me little good.

Last September I was feeling increasingly not right. My doctor said I was in menopause, and sent me to an endocrinologist. The endocrinologist found a mass on my pituitary gland, and sent me to a surgeon. The surgeon cracked my skull open, and removed the mass (benign, not cancerous). My hormone levels are almost normal and my hair is growing back.

In between the sentences are crying jags, fear and panic that I'm not strong enough to trust some skilled stranger poking around in my head, looking into the abyss and having the abyss look through me, how I prepare my children, Mr.Stunt, my family ... WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME????? I felt better when I breathed into paper bags between sips of vodka gimlets.

Know that people want to help you, want to be there for you with a box of Kleenex, open a cold beer, to put fresh water in the bong, make you 7-Layer Dip and crudités, wring out a cold cloth for your brow, sit and wait with you ... and it's okay to let people do that for you.

To attend to the sick, and accept that care graciously, are acts of love.

I've got the box of Kleenex and church key to open the beers.

We've got your back, Ninja.

[NinjaPenguins]

Cupid, damn you, you brought me to tears. I've been sitting here winding myself up by imagining how upset my beloved nieces and nephew will be, imagining the conversations my parents will have about me after I expire from a horrible disease, refusing to even buy myself something fun and frivolous because what's the point? I'm sorry as hell you went through it, but I think we Preverts can all agree we're glad you made it. 

Now, I promise to stop clogging up this thread with Nipocalypse Now. I don't even have the words to describe how much you guys have helped me. Thank-you.

[valleycliffe]

ninjapenguins, we ALL love you, we are here for you and you can clog up the thread as much as you want...sometimes, just writing it down releases you.  isn't there even some sort of ceremony like that?  whereby you write down your fears then burn them or something like that?  if not, there should be.

[PatsyandEddie]

Everyone has said it all Ninja. We love you and are here for you. Smoooooches

Peacheslatour,I would assume it's a meeting in chambers. You must be pretty nervous. Take heart and best of luck! 

You all are in my prayers! 

[MollyB]

15 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

I've been trying to get SSA disability benefits for years. Any tips on what to say?

As little as possible-as in, answer only the questions asked.  Have all your documentation at hand and in order.  Are you allowed to have some representation (lawyer) present?  Just remember, you are going for something you are entitled to and the judge is there to make sure procedure is followed.  He/she is not there to punish you.  No need to feel defensive or frightened-it's just a room and everyone in it is just people.

Edited June 11, 2016 by MollyB
spent a lot of time in courtrooms

[peacheslatour]

Thanks MollyB! I have been at this for three years and have filled out countless forms, engaged a lawyer and have done everything asked of me. But my lawyer is one of those "TV lawyers", so they won't be there to represent me. I should have gotten a real lawyer, but if I could afford that, I wouldn't need the freakin benefits!

[boes]

Just now, peacheslatour said:

Thanks MollyB! I have been at this for three years and have filled out countless forms, engaged a lawyer and have done everything asked of me. But my lawyer is one of those "TV lawyers", so they won't be there to represent me. I should have gotten a real lawyer, but if I could afford that, I wouldn't need the freakin benefits!

Good luck!!

[MollyB]

1 hour ago, peacheslatour said:

Thanks MollyB! I have been at this for three years and have filled out countless forms, engaged a lawyer and have done everything asked of me. But my lawyer is one of those "TV lawyers", so they won't be there to represent me. I should have gotten a real lawyer, but if I could afford that, I wouldn't need the freakin benefits!

Have you checked with Legal Aid (or whatever the WA equivalent is)? They can help you find a lawyer that will lawyer for you within your budget, using sliding scales and payment plans. 

and your 'tv lawyer' should be reported to the bar

Edited June 11, 2016 by MollyB
molly is pissed

[slayer2]

On 01/06/2016 at 10:52 AM, pearlite said:

And for anyone with romantic, never-been-there-before notions about Toronto...check out my little friends from 6:00AM yesterday, gathered adorably at my back door...

Yes, folks, it's breakfast for six. Cute, except that breakfast was quite recently listed among the living.

I live close to downtown, where TO's spirit animal, the raccoon, abounds. And if you'd like some for your very own, please let me know. Shipping is up to you.

Ironically, all the Resident Evil movies were filmed here, what's the name of the fictional town those stories are set? Raccoon City. Yup. It's all happening people.

[pearlite]

5 minutes ago, slayer2 said:

Ironically, all the Resident Evil movies were filmed here, what's the name of the fictional town those stories are set? Raccoon City. Yup. It's all happening people.

Oh, Raccoon City--that we are--you seen the @416raccoon Twitter? Of course, Toronto has raccoons tweeting... Hipsters have taken to calling them "trash pandas."

I like the capybaras better.

[PatsyandEddie]

^^^I love that "Thelma and Louise" are still on the loose. LOL 

[NinjaPenguins]

I wish I didn't already have a username, because I would be rocking "trash panda" hard. 

Good luck, peaches. I can't even believe the bullshit hoops people have to jump through to get much-needed help.

[peacheslatour]

Thanks NP! The good thing about my TV lawyer is I haven't paid them a penny and let me tell ya, you get what you pay for! I'm so glad I can come here and talk about this stuff. My DH is trying to be sympathetic, but as is his wont, he blames me for not trying hard enough. And he's probably right, but it's hard when you're sick.

[miamama]

2 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

Thanks NP! The good thing about my TV lawyer is I haven't paid them a penny and let me tell ya, you get what you pay for! I'm so glad I can come here and talk about this stuff. My DH is trying to be sympathetic, but as is his wont, he blames me for not trying hard enough. And he's probably right, but it's hard when you're sick.

Good luck with this P. And I have no doubt you're doing the best you can. :) Be kind to yourself.

[slayer2]

11 hours ago, pearlite said:

Oh, Raccoon City--that we are--you seen the @416raccoon Twitter? Of course, Toronto has raccoons tweeting... Hipsters have taken to calling them "trash pandas."

I like the capybaras better.

Still hoping the capybaras are somewhere safe and happy!

[Cupid Stunt]

Now you've got me crying, Ninja ... Dagnabbit!

It's hard to admit that we aren't invincible, that the body that has delighted, surprised, worked and healed itself for so many faithful years might be turning against us.

I was so angry at myself for harboring a clump of cells that got the better of me -- I know it's totally irrational. I shook my fist impotently at God, and begged for resolve ... Then I was counting backwards into an anesthetic fog. There wasn't much time between diagnosis and surgery to do anything other than pray for safe passage and the people I might be leaving behind. I didn't have time to finally read what my health insurance covered, empty my email, clean the junk drawer, or scratch off a wish on my nonexistent Bucket List. I woke up with Mr.Stunt holding my hand and my mother wearing out her rosary. I had a clean bill, unfinished business, and a renewed sense of purpose.

I'm better at doing and serving, not magical thinking and clock-winding gods. It took time to get back to speed and with help, I read my insurance coverage (not that I understand it any better), emptied my email (What do these people want?), cleaned out the junk drawer (crap), and threw away my Bucket List (more crap). I chose to better attend to my physical self and the people in my life. I am eternally thankful for every day I'm above ground.

 

Make bad art and snail mail it to a frenemy. They'll understand ... eventually.

Make cookies. It's a hand's on skill that occupies your mind. My grandmother swears to the restorative properties of food preparation, and a carbohydrate or two have their own restorative powers.

Go to your junk drawer and throw out your crap. It's surprising what a relief it is

Go to your people and hug the stuffing's out of them. They need it and so do you.

If there was ever a time, ask all your dumb questions.

Clog the thread with Nipocalypse Now. We're here for you.

Edited June 12, 2016 by Cupid Stunt

[NinjaPenguins]

You must be a writer. You communicate such powerful things in such an interesting way. 

It's times like this I miss my black lab. When I lost my dream job, the job I'd wanted since childhood, a couple of years ago, nothing served quite like crying into her fur. 

[peacheslatour]

Our furry friends are such a comfort! Back in April when I had the flu and was sure I was dying, my tortie cat stayed on my bed the entire time. She would look at me with the most concerned look on her face. But she made sure I wasn't alone, even with all my gross coughing and sneezing, she would just snuggle closer and purr louder.

May all the gods be with you tomorrow Ninja, all of us will be thinking about you and sending our strongest Prevert love.  (((hugs)))

[Cupid Stunt]

(((Ninja)))

My rancher father, who treats every animal he's ever raised or worked with respect, has a special place in his heart for dogs. He believes there is a Dog Star they pass on to; open fields, toilets to drink out of, unlimited rodents and balls to chase, shoes to chew, carrion to roll around in, gardens to dig up, shady spots to nap, kibble bags to rip open ... dog Paradise. And if we're lucky, the power's that be let us visit to throw Frisbee's and scratch that one spot they can't reach.

'Dogs' lives are too short. Their only fault, really.' -- Agnes Sligh Turnbull

 

I wish I was a writer. I'm the result of being raised by noble characters, a liberal education and too much TV.

[Petunia13]

My family has a saying for generations translated in English "a dog* only lives long enough to break your heart."

[peacheslatour]

Quote

I wish I was a writer. I'm the result of being raised by noble characters, a liberal education and too much TV.

Lol, me too.

2 minutes ago, Petunia13 said:

My family has a saying for generations translated in English "a dog* only lives long enough to break your heart."

Too true, made me tear up. 'Scuse me Imma go hug my cat...*sniff*

[valleycliffe]

LOL  wish i could hug my cat, but if i tried, she'd scratch me, miserable brat..

when we adopted the cat from the spca, my grand daughter was in grade 5 and was learning about ancient egypt and their gods.  so, when we got the cat, her name was licorice which we didn't care for (she's all black) she wanted to change her name to of all things, the egyptian goddess isis (of course just a bit later we regretted naming her that)...she is living up to her name and is now an outside cat.. 

Edited June 12, 2016 by valleycliffe
added to post

[Snaporaz]

Wow...I'm often blown away and humbled by how eloquent you all are.  I really shouldn't be allowed to post here, since I'm so far out of my league.  A PeeWee amongst Nobel laureates.

For what it's worth, I have a few Wiccan spells going for NP and Peaches...don't worry, nothing freaky...just a blue candle for Ninja, a green candle for Peaches, thyme, sage (not that Sage), and sea salt.  And my good wishes mixed in, as well, of course.  Hope everything goes well for you both.

ETA: I just hugged my cat, too.

Edited June 12, 2016 by Snaporaz
had to hug my cat

[valleycliffe]

hey snap, my rheumatoid arthritis has kicked in and i'm in pain something fierce (meds don't seem to be helping), i can barely walk because of it.

so, if you know of some little wiccan spell to help me too, please do.

[Snaporaz]

Sorry you're in that kind of pain, Valley.  There will be a candle for you, too. 

Edited June 13, 2016 by Snaporaz
speeling

[valleycliffe]

much appreciated snap.

[peacheslatour]

Oh valley, I'm so sorry! I have that in both hips and my knee. I know exactly how you feel and is one of the reasons I can't work any more. Pot really helps, I hope you have some friends who can get you some. My son recently made some really good brownies, which don't really get you high, but help a lot with anxiety and sleep because as you well know, pain makes it next to impossible to sleep.

Getting old is not for pussies!

Quote

Wow...I'm often blown away and humbled by how eloquent you all are.  I really shouldn't be allowed to post here, since I'm so far out of my league.  A PeeWee amongst Nobel laureates.

Oh,  you! I've always thought you were one of the best writers on this site. There are so many, I can see why people from other Y&R sites are too intimidated to post here. Just think if it weren't for TWoP, we wouldn't have found each other.

[NinjaPenguins]

Thank-you for the candle, Snap. And pish on you being a peewee writer. Your burns are some of the sickest in town. I'm still laughing about Luca's trapezoid head. 

Valley, so sorry about your pain.

[Snaporaz]

Aww, shucks, peaches...you're very kind.  But, really, this isn't even me being charmingly self-depricating.  I very often do feel dumber than Dummer here.  

[valleycliffe]

yes peacheslatour, i get it in both of my knees, both hips, shoulders sometimes so i can't lift my arms more than a couple of inches...seems it will wander...for a while, the pain went away and i could do things i normally would do A-OK...then, it all started coming back this past winter (rheumatologist had lowered my meds, now he won't up them) and seems to be getting worse...HOPEFULLY, if and or when it decides to get nicer outside and not cold and wet, i will get better again but i am definitely not going to hold my breath.

when i retired from my job, i had applied for disability but was denied cause apparently, RA won't kill me just make it damn hard to live..

[Anna Yolei]

10 hours ago, Petunia13 said:

My family has a saying for generations translated in English "a dog* only lives long enough to break your heart."

So true. 

I never had a dog until my senior year of high school when my brother got a beagle that we named Lou after the one in Cats and Dogs. The poor bloke always had anxiety problems from the first , but crazy smart for a dog. He was the one beagle that always prefer sticking close to home, or at least had a better sense of direction than most hound breeds. Great dog.

i was stationed in Japan when he passed away suddenly from bloat, and it was so hard knowing I wouldn't get to snuggle with him again when I finally came home on leave. Having a pet dog was the one thing I missed most being in the military, and I got myself a dog two weeks after I left the Navy...a cute chihuahua named Sunny. At least, I thought he was until the tiny puppy, at eight weeks old, already weighted a whopping THREE AND A HALF POUNDS. LOL! But he is mostly quiet  (amazing, given his mixed with Dachshund too) and loves people and dogs and doesn't let being sixteen pounds stop him from playing with much bigger dogs!

[PatsyandEddie]

The news is reporting that one of the capybaras has been captured. :( 

Hug your pets today. Snap, I have a black cat named Wicca. ;-D

#prayersforOrlando

[miamama]

17 hours ago, Snaporaz said:

Aww, shucks, peaches...you're very kind.  But, really, this isn't even me being charmingly self-depricating.  I very often do feel dumber than Dummer here.  

No way, Snap. You have a way with words and nicknames...off the charts clever.

Cupid: so so lovely...

[pearlite]

1 hour ago, PatsyandEddie said:

The news is reporting that one of the capybaras has been captured. :( 

Hug your pets today. Snap, I have a black cat named Wicca. ;-D

#prayersforOrlando

Yup, one of the little guys has been caught--don't know whether that's good or bad. At least they're safe inside the zoo area. I live beside High Park, and the road traffic on Parkside and on the Queensway and Lakeshore at the bottom of the park is fearsome, so I've always been concerned.

18 hours ago, Snaporaz said:

Aww, shucks, peaches...you're very kind.  But, really, this isn't even me being charmingly self-depricating.  I very often do feel dumber than Dummer here.  

No devaluing of self, snap! I always look forward to your posts--dumb? Never!

This is such a great board--I really prefer it to the TWOP that was, which I found cliquish and so often annoying that I just didn't post much. Here, it's pleasant, smart, and full of great people. As all of you say above, it's a great place to come, on a good day or a bad one.

[glowlights]

Ninja, Thinking of you today. "Nipocalypse Now" is hilarious, btw, but I'm so sorry you're going through this. And you're entitled to feel however you feel about it - nervous, scared, sad, 100% goddamn pain, whatever. Hope they will give you some mild sedation to ease you through.

Peaches, Is it just you one-on-one with the judge or will the other side have legal representation there? It's sad that a person who is ill or in pain has to fight to get benefits. Like, if you were well enough to fight the government you'd have enough energy to work in the first place! Gah.

I have no Wicca magic spells to offer y'all. Will hugs suffice?

p.s. Petunia you should call one of those ghost hunting shows. "My cell phone is possessed by Satan and the ghost of Notorious B.I.G."

[Anna Yolei]

54 minutes ago, pearlite said:

Yup, one of the little guys has been caught--don't know whether that's good or bad. At least they're safe inside the zoo area. I live beside High Park, and the road traffic on Parkside and on the Queensway and Lakeshore at the bottom of the park is fearsome, so I've always been concerned.

No devaluing of self, snap! I always look forward to your posts--dumb? Never!

This is such a great board--I really prefer it to the TWOP that was, which I found cliquish and so often annoying that I just didn't post much. Here, it's pleasant, smart, and full of great people. As all of you say above, it's a great place to come, on a good day or a bad one.

At the risk of going board on boards (::rolls eyes hard than at anything on Show::) the problem I found was the staff there was just so damn rigid. I'm part owner of a message board that was created when the Star Trek board we originated from began pulling the dick moves that were SOP by the time TWoP closed. Our convos go off topic (for better or worse) all the time. As long as the shit flinging stays in the one designated room for that purpose, we don't usually interfere.

But once I even got a warning for board on boards for telling someone  that hers was the funniest comment I'd read in that particular forum. We had a laugh and moved on, but Howard or the other twat slapped me down. I mean, what the fuck? Who does that?! I heard a lot of posters went ham on their asses the night before the board shut down, and they were banning people as late as 11:45 pm. I just...I can't. Lol.

But yeah, I'd have to say the experience here is orders of magnitude more positive. Don't be a dick and don't use derogatory language towards women (which makes discussion of certain B&B episodes difficult, given the many times Brooke gets called nasty names). It's fairly easy to follow, plus having multiple threads on one show makes it easy to discuss what I want without reading things I don't care about, so it makes me a happy panda. 

[valleycliffe]

dear husband made me go to the emergency ward this morning cause my pain was so bad..got there about 1 min after 7am, got processed then sent to the other area to wait and see a doctor..after 1 hr. in waiting rm, nurse called my name (only one in waiting rm at the time), was shown a room and told dr would be in to see me soon. finally at about 15 to 9 he came in,,he did an ultrasound and then said my ra was definitely flaring up as there was liquid in my joints...asked me to call family dr. to call rheumatologist to see about upping my meds...so, at least i was right when i said it was my arthritis kicking up a stink..at least now i know i can take acetaminophin extra strength to help with the pain..

[Anna Yolei]

Oh noes! I'm so sorry that happened :(

[glowlights]

Wow, valleycliffe, sorry you're in this much pain. Couldn't the ER doc give you anything to cover it in the mean time? How long will it take to get hold of your specialist? :(

[valleycliffe]

nope, nothing for pain as i had already taken my arthrotec..he just said to continue taking the tylenol in between the arthrotec..he said if need be, take 2...

my specialist is in vancouver, but he commutes from toronto..so he is only in town i think 1 week a month..i typically phone rin his receptionist and leave a message if she doesn't answer then she will fax or email him with my request..i'm not holding my breath..

[glowlights]

!!!!! Well if you're in enough pain to go to the ER and your specialist is out of town then extra strength tylenol seems like an inadequate suggestion. It sucks to be in that much pain. Fingers crossed his receptionist can get hold of him quickly and you can get the right meds. Sorry you're going through this. :(