S02.E08: Adjusting To Married Life

[Wings]

Actually these are his biological grandparents so they would likely be Jewish, not Italian (he is almost a ringer for his grandfather from the photo he posted of them online).  It's his stepfather that's Italian.  I think a lot of women in that generation had different expectations of marriage so they might not have felt stuck.  They had a choice but they decided to stay for better or worse even in less than ideal relationships.  But again, to me that doesn't necessarily translate into feeling they had "no choice".  Take Edith Bunker for example (OK it's a fictional character but it does seem to fit).  Abusive husband?  Yes.  But she would likely deny that she felt stuck or without a choice and would profess to be very much in love with her husband.  We would likely see that relationship as dysfunctional and Edith as being abused, but she would not see it that way at all.  A very different mentality than we have today!

 

 

Good point.  Stuck is the wrong word and concept.  Edith just thought that was what marriages were like and perhaps RyanD's grandmother, as well. 

 

I avoid using the words, abuse, bully and codependent.  They are overly and incorrectly used.  Just saying and not related to anything other than I don't see Ryan's temper as abusive.  I chalk it up to ignorance.  

 

If I were doing this experiment I would ask if contenders had ever read a self help book.  If they hadn't they would be eliminated.  It isn't enjoyable to watch people walking around in the dark slamming into things.  

[I-Kare]

I keep reading that Jessica pushed RyanD to his limit or that no man would be able to put up with everything she's done but...what has she really done? Other than be passive aggressive in her responses? 

 

I'm critical of RyanD regarding what I've seen him do/say on camera because that's all I have to go on. I don't see what didn't make the show. 

 

I don't think I've seen anything *on* camera that's been that terrible from her. She doesn't even seem to be very aggressive in her passive aggressiveness...she wasn't until this last episode anyway. 

 

I'm genuinely curious here. 

 

And I don't honestly think most men would go off on someone who responded in a passive aggressive manner during petty little arguments (especially someone they barely know...I can see an eye roll or irritation, but not anger). At least the men I know! Maybe - again - I'm just lucky? 

[Nancybeth]

I can believe they got 7,000 applicants.  They probably first eliminated everyone that wasn't somewhat attractive and had a decent figure, based on photos alone.  I also am pretty sure they counted out everyone that had been married before or had children, because that brings up a whole host of additional issues they didn't want to deal with.  They probably brought in a few hundred for interviews with producers and eliminated a sizable number who weren't charismatic enough for TV.  Then the psychological testing started, and I'm sure they were able to identify people who just weren't going to be able to handle this experiment. 

 

I'm guessing they had a final pool of about 100 when they began filming the audition process and the "experts" got involved, and probably whittled that down to no more than two dozen, from which they had to make three decent matches.  And I'm absolutely certain that the producers have way more to do with the matches than the experts do. 

[SaucyMommy]

I can believe they got 7,000 applicants.  They probably first eliminated everyone that wasn't somewhat attractive and had a decent figure, based on photos alone.  I also am pretty sure they counted out everyone that had been married before or had children, because that brings up a whole host of additional issues they didn't want to deal with.  They probably brought in a few hundred for interviews with producers and eliminated a sizable number who weren't charismatic enough for TV.  Then the psychological testing started, and I'm sure they were able to identify people who just weren't going to be able to handle this experiment. 

 

I'm guessing they had a final pool of about 100 when they began filming the audition process and the "experts" got involved, and probably whittled that down to no more than two dozen, from which they had to make three decent matches.  And I'm absolutely certain that the producers have way more to do with the matches than the experts do. 

 

Experts said they had about 26 people that they looked at extensively........

[Neurochick]

For me, I can't stand passive aggressive people.  Say what you mean and mean what you say, if you can't do that, I have no use for you, sorry.

 

I avoid using the words, abuse, bully and codependent.  They are overly and incorrectly used.  Just saying and not related to anything other than I don't see Ryan's temper as abusive.  I chalk it up to ignorance.

 

 

I SO agree with this, and I'll add "self awareness" to the list.  Someone yells at someone else, they're a bully and the person is being abused.  I too think people overuse co-dependent as well.

 

Ryan has a temper, some people just do and it doesn't have anything to do with any disorder.  Not everybody is the same.  I don't like Ryan because I think he needs to grow up, but that's just me.

[HappilyEverAfter]

I wonder if they really looked at 7000 or had lots of people sort through for "attractive" applicants. They aren't going to put horrendous looking people on the show. I assume they had a stack of attractive/above average people to sort through. I doubt seriously they read through 7000 applications but maybe they did.

[Snarklepuss]

I keep reading that Jessica pushed RyanD to his limit or that no man would be able to put up with everything she's done but...what has she really done? Other than be passive aggressive in her responses? 

 

I'm critical of RyanD regarding what I've seen him do/say on camera because that's all I have to go on. I don't see what didn't make the show. 

 

I don't think I've seen anything *on* camera that's been that terrible from her. She doesn't even seem to be very aggressive in her passive aggressiveness...she wasn't until this last episode anyway. 

 

I'm genuinely curious here. 

 

And I don't honestly think most men would go off on someone who responded in a passive aggressive manner during petty little arguments (especially someone they barely know...I can see an eye roll or irritation, but not anger). At least the men I know! Maybe - again - I'm just lucky? 

 

I am hesitating saying that I feel like we're watching different shows because no matter how bad Ryan has been, I think Jessica has been just as bad in response.  I only have my own experience to go on but that does include a fair number of relationships with men and I could not imagine any of them putting up with Jessica's behavior without at the very least leaving the room before they said anything they'd later regret.  Mr. Snarklepuss has told me that himself and he's not a fan of Ryan's either.  I don't see her yelling and making accusations at him as being all that passive aggressive, in fact more on the side of just aggressive.   I can't even imagine myself putting up with that whether or not I "deserved" it.  Jessica seems to me to be a person that never lets go of an argument or a perceived wrong and keeps resurrecting it over and over again.  She holds grudges and refuses to let things rest.  She wants to continue to make him pay, pay pay and insults him in the process.  That's pretty aggressive if you ask me.  Those accusations are pretty strong and where's the real evidence that she is right about that?  I think she has mostly misunderstood him, not that he's that great at expressing himself.  I think she cops the victim mode as a cover for her own abusiveness, IMHO.  I don't buy into her victimhood from him, personally.  Even if Ryan was a big bully (which I don't see him as myself) does she have to harangue him constantly about it?  What justifies that behavior from her?  I'm not one to blame a victim but again, I just don't see her as one.  Ryan has actually spent most of the time defending himself against her accusations.  Nothing Ryan has done so far has IMO been anything but typical immature male douchy behavior.  She is the one who has inflated it into bullying and abuse, IMO.

Edited May 7, 2015 by Snarklepuss

[MsPH]

I keep reading that Jessica pushed RyanD to his limit or that no man would be able to put up with everything she's done but...what has she really done? Other than be passive aggressive in her responses? 

 

I keep wondering the same thing while reading this thread. There are a lot of assumptions about everything involving Jessica and their arguments. We have no clue what's happened off camera with these two, but if we're going by on camera behaviour then I'm more compelled to assume that Ryan's worse off camera, not Jessica. He's made so many rude and belittling comments to her ON camera that I have a hard time believing those are the only times, plus he seems to think it's funny, so it's probably part of his daily repertoire. If anyone's been pushed their limit is Jess, which was clear from how the latest fight started, "I don't like how you speak to me".

 

Jessica was perfectly nice during their honeymoon and let a lot of his assiness slide. He made comments about her not being smart and wanting rice and beans at the restaurant and lord knows what in addition to all the childish crap he pulled. Then when she opens up to him about her past engagement and the ex's family thinking she wasn't good enough, the very next day he calls her piercing and tattoos trashy. And no, I don't for one minute believe he didn't say that. The conversation might have gone like this:

R: "Those are trashy!"

J: "..."

R: "But they look good on you!"

 

But that's all the benefit of the doubt that I'm willing to give him, since he's clearly one of those guys who will never EVER admit to doing something wrong. He will spin it until the end of days, if you don't give up sooner. Dr. C even confirmed this on the baby board.

 

I also don't think the viewers really know that they talked it through outside and then she brought it up again when they sat down at the table. They were outside waiting to be seated, which probably didn't take long with a camera crew in tow. I think she brought it up as soon as she had the chance, which is what he and everyone keeps saying she should do. But in this case she apparently shouldn't have and should have sat there pretending all is fine until they're off camera. I don't get it. She spoke up when she was upset and instead of being a man and saying "Sorry, I hurt your feelings, it wasn't my attention", he started playing the victim, blew up and left. That set a great precedent for their communication. And she's the one who can't communicate? I disagree.

[I-Kare]

It'd be funny if *we* are actually the experiment. The show is studying our reaction to the couples. One of them is certainly polarizing. 

[shopper73]

I agree so much with Snarklepus about Ryan and his over-attachment to his family. There is something odd about it, it is his need, not theirs. I would imagine his mom needs help more with the house and yard, not with the niece, who is already a teen. It should be a collective family responsibility to help the mom, not fall on Ryan's shoulders. But it seems to be a need of Ryan's, not his mom or the niece.

[Snarklepuss]

I agree so much with Snarklepus about Ryan and his over-attachment to his family. There is something odd about it, it is his need, not theirs. I would imagine his mom needs help more with the house and yard, not with the niece, who is already a teen. It should be a collective family responsibility to help the mom, not fall on Ryan's shoulders. But it seems to be a need of Ryan's, not his mom or the niece.

 

Thanks.  I also think he's using the family obligation issue as a cover for his own fear of committing to Jaclyn.  He clearly has some reservations about her.  If he was ready to commit to her he'd find a way to figure out the family situation without making it an either/or thing.  And Jaclyn seems to be aware of this.  I feel sorry for her right now because she has grown so much more attached to him, especially since consummating the relationship.

[qtpye]

I agree so much with Snarklepus about Ryan and his over-attachment to his family. There is something odd about it, it is his need, not theirs. I would imagine his mom needs help more with the house and yard, not with the niece, who is already a teen. It should be a collective family responsibility to help the mom, not fall on Ryan's shoulders. But it seems to be a need of Ryan's, not his mom or the niece.

 

 

Thanks.  I also think he's using the family obligation issue as a cover for his own fear of committing to Jaclyn.  He clearly has some reservations about her.  If he was ready to commit to her he'd find a way to figure out the family situation without making it an either/or thing.  And Jaclyn seems to be aware of this.  I feel sorry for her right now because she has grown so much more attached to him, especially since consummating the relationship.

 

 

I think he is suffering fatigue due to constant exposure to her over the top personality.  Ryan is not sure if he can handle her for the long term and since he is basically a nice guy, the niece and mother serve as an exit strategy for him.  Of course, what seems nice to one person can come off as cowardly to someone else.  That being said, I would not be surprised if they were the only couple to last the six weeks...I am more worried about them lasting six years.

[Snarklepuss]

I keep wondering the same thing while reading this thread. There are a lot of assumptions about everything involving Jessica and their arguments. We have no clue what's happened off camera with these two, but if we're going by on camera behaviour then I'm more compelled to assume that Ryan's worse off camera, not Jessica. He's made so many rude and belittling comments to her ON camera that I have a hard time believing those are the only times, plus he seems to think it's funny, so it's probably part of his daily repertoire. If anyone's been pushed their limit is Jess, which was clear from how the latest fight started, "I don't like how you speak to me".

 

Jessica was perfectly nice during their honeymoon and let a lot of his assiness slide. He made comments about her not being smart and wanting rice and beans at the restaurant and lord knows what in addition to all the childish crap he pulled. Then when she opens up to him about her past engagement and the ex's family thinking she wasn't good enough, the very next day he calls her piercing and tattoos trashy. And no, I don't for one minute believe he didn't say that. The conversation might have gone like this:

R: "Those are trashy!"

J: "..."

R: "But they look good on you!"

 

But that's all the benefit of the doubt that I'm willing to give him, since he's clearly one of those guys who will never EVER admit to doing something wrong. He will spin it until the end of days, if you don't give up sooner. Dr. C even confirmed this on the baby board.

 

I also don't think the viewers really know that they talked it through outside and then she brought it up again when they sat down at the table. They were outside waiting to be seated, which probably didn't take long with a camera crew in tow. I think she brought it up as soon as she had the chance, which is what he and everyone keeps saying she should do. But in this case she apparently shouldn't have and should have sat there pretending all is fine until they're off camera. I don't get it. She spoke up when she was upset and instead of being a man and saying "Sorry, I hurt your feelings, it wasn't my attention", he started playing the victim, blew up and left. That set a great precedent for their communication. And she's the one who can't communicate? I disagree.

 

I've kind of said this before, but whether or not Ryan has been an ass to Jessica off camera which we know is probably true to some extent, I still think Jessica is overreacting to it because of her own lack of self confidence and esteem.  Not that I am excusing him and blaming her, but she is only fanning the flames, not seeking to diffuse them.  Of course, I am speaking as someone who is decades older and (hopefully) more mature and confident about myself.  If I were up against someone like people claim Ryan is off camera, I would definitely not act the way she is about it.  After all, these people just met each other.  Even if they have had sex, they just met.  They are not even "in love".  Her reactions remind me of a wife who has been verbally abused for decades, not 2 or 3 weeks.  There's a WHOLE lot of anger there that I think is out of proportion to the offense.  If I were her, I would ask him why he always has to find a way to insult me or make side-swiping derogatory comments to me.  I'd ask him if he really thought I was that bad because I don't think I am.  And I would listen to his answer.  If I didn't believe it, I would tell him that but I wouldn't further incite him in any way.  I guarantee that a lot of his bad behavior we saw in this last episode would have been completely defused and he would either not know what to say or say to my face that he never intended to hurt me (instead of to the camera like he did).  I'd try to give him the benefit of the doubt, but if he did it again, I'd remind him that it didn't really feel like he didn't intend to hurt me.  All of this would be on the sidelines while going forward in good faith with a positive attitude despite the things he said and did.  I wouldn't sit in a corner all sullen and act like a child about it and giving him the silent treatment.  That has never been my style at all.  Again, the voice of age and wisdom here, but even when I was young I didn't act that way.  I think both of them are immature and definitely immature for their ages.  Man, they remind me more of 20 year olds than almost 30 year olds!

[ZaldamoWilder]

Her reactions remind me of a wife who has been verbally abused for decades, not 2 or 3 weeks.

 

Why should there be any difference?

 

And I would listen to his answer.  If I didn't believe it, I would tell him that but I wouldn't further incite him in any way.  I guarantee that a lot of his bad behavior we saw in this last episode would have been completely defused and he would either not know what to say or say to my face that he never intended to hurt me (instead of to the camera like he did)

 

I don't disagree with the tactic but *incite* and *diffuse* - oooh girl I am shaking my head so hard right now.  That makes her completely responsible for his behavior and as such, the sole party whose duty it is to correct it.   Absolutely not.  I don't give a damn if someone is waving a scepter 2 feet away from your face, you are the person responsible for how you react.   We've seen her address him the moment something happened - he responds like an asshole would.  We've seen her bring it up after the fact - he responds like an asshole would.  That ironing on the bed thing? He can't even come up with a rational explanation for why he doesn't like that - even after she points out that he's had his dirty suitcase on that same comforter so what difference does a clean pair of pants now make?  Oh yeah, his grandfather never would've allowed his grandmother to iron on top of a bed.  But when she asks what the problem is, he responds with, oh what, are you about to start crying now?  Ryan is not being pushed to his limits, first you have to be reasonable for that reason to be tested.  He's a delusional underdeveloped kid whose answer to normal conversation is some fucked up combo plate of condescension, aggression and withdrawal.  I'm sorry if it's ever been true for anybody here, because good men don't behave this way.

[shopper73]

He gave her the silent treatment, not the other way around. Jessica tried to open communication with him, and tried to find something nice to say, taking the expert's (dr. Pepper's) advice, but he is such a bastard, he couldn't think of anything nice to say about her.

I think this duo just isn't going to work. Obviously he couldn't pull all his BS with another, stronger personality who had higher self esteem. But that does not mean it is not his fault. He is at the very least a bully. And there is a reason he was single and needed to go on a marriage show.

[SaucyMommy]

He gave her the silent treatment, not the other way around. Jessica tried to open communication with him, and tried to find something nice to say, taking the expert's (dr. Pepper's) advice, but he is such a bastard, he couldn't think of anything nice to say about her.

I think this duo just isn't going to work. Obviously he couldn't pull all his BS with another, stronger personality who had higher self esteem. But that does not mean it is not his fault. He is at the very least a bully. And there is a reason he was single and needed to go on a marriage show.

 

Exactly she extends an olive branch and he says she's been horrible to him the entire time they've known each other. I actually thought she was a great sport their entire honeymoon after all the crap he pulled, and she was again a good sport after Christmas and the moving stuff. I don't like Jessica, but in this duo I find him the guiltier party.

[MsPH]

I just can't bring myself to give Jessica a hard time because I don't think she's a bad person, and I don't think her issues are half as bad as people make them out to be. Yes, she has low self-esteem and that's why she has trouble speaking her mind, but that's not really her fault. No one chooses to be insecure. I used to be as well and still am in some ways, and it's not something I enjoy, it's just how I was born. It's a constant struggle, but luckily the jerks I dated (one was very similar to Ryan) left me early on, so even though I stupidly had feelings for them, I didn't end up wasting too much of my time. Thanks to them I built massive walls around myself and stopped giving a crap about what people think of me, but that wasn't all good, because it took ages for my sweet and respectful boyfriend to knock those walls down. Thanks to him though, I know how a guy is supposed to treat me and I wouldn't give jerks like Ryan the time of day anymore. Jessica doesn't seem to be so lucky. She dated her last jerk for ages and that relationship probably ground her self-esteem to the ground. One could say that she shouldn't have been cast for this show in the first place, but then again the experts could've given her a nice patient guy and she might've been a different woman. I think she needs a Doug. It would do wonders for her! Instead they put her with someone who constantly acts in a way that reminds her of all her bad experiences. I don't think it's overreacting to not accept disrespect and putdowns, even if they've only been going on for a few weeks. That's several more weeks than I would put up with them!

 

Ryan, on the other hand, is simply an a-hole. I can spot one a mile away these days and he is one. No one would be a good match to him. His fragile ego could never handle a strong outspoken woman. No way, no how! He'd feel constantly slighted, not to mention that's not how his grandma was according to his description.

 

He's the one who started the silent treatment and refused to even tell her what he was so upset about. SHE tried to break the silence, SHE extended an olive branch, and he didn't give a rat's ass until she apologized and started crying. Then he smirked, because he won and it was all magically good again. Reminds me so much of my first boyfriend. He would suddenly get offended for no reason and I was always the one who ended up apologizing even though I'd meant no harm. Well last time I heard he was still single 10 years later, so yeah...

[SaucyMommy]

Totally agree on that. She didn't pick Ryan D and she told them she was poor with communication. Even Dr. C admitted in the first episode he was concerned about this match due to Ryan D's temper.

[Neurochick]

Jessica seems to me to be a person that never lets go of an argument or a perceived wrong and keeps resurrecting it over and over again.  She holds grudges and refuses to let things rest.  She wants to continue to make him pay, pay pay and insults him in the process.  That's pretty aggressive if you ask me.

 

 

That's it!  Yes, that's what I sense about her.  Ryan said her piercing was trashy and the woman just can't let that go.  She reminds me of someone who will bring up an argument you had a zillion years ago, just because she wants to be right.  But I think that's part of her low self worth.  I mean if I don't think too much of myself, then any slight, any sideways glance will set me off.  I remember seeing a girl on the subway, a normal looking student, start screaming at a woman because she thought the woman was staring at her (in reality, she was probably staring at her bizarre hairstyle).  Why would someone do that other than insanity?  I've seen a lot of that, and it all comes down to low self esteem.

[SaucyMommy]

Jessica has low esteem. Ryan D is a hot head with a bad temper. Why again were they paired? Doesn't matter who is wrong they are just a bad match

[shopper73]

She has let too much go, and blames herself. He is the one who "feels disrespected" and says he has no emotions about their relationship. Why should Jessica forgive or forget anything he has done or said to her since the honeymoon? She should be blaming him and getting ready to move on. Hopefully this very negative experience for her will at least help her in her career.

[Snarklepuss]

Why should there be any difference?

 

Because they hardly know each other.  If a guy I just met said snarky things to me I'd slough him off, not react like I'm mortally wounded, even if I had slept with him.  She acts like he's got her bound and tied with no way out.  I'm sorry but she is free to do what she wants, she is not his victim unless it's in her head.  Hello major issues!

 

 

I don't disagree with the tactic but *incite* and *diffuse* - oooh girl I am shaking my head so hard right now.  That makes her completely responsible for his behavior and as such, the sole party whose duty it is to correct it.   Absolutely not.  I don't give a damn if someone is waving a scepter 2 feet away from your face, you are the person responsible for how you react.  

 

This is my point.  She is responsible for how she acts and what I said does NOT make her responsible for his actions.  But I guarantee you that if she took a different attitude with him and not gone for retribution he wouldn't have gotten insulted and gone off like that.  Sorry, I just think I know how to handle men better than she does.  I personally think she would even make a much nicer more mature guy go off on her if she took that approach, seriously.  I'd like to know why when Ryan presses Jessica's buttons it's OK for her to act like a wicked shrew but when she presses his and he goes off on her, he's the villain.  They're both just as guilty of it, IMHO.

[BunnySlippers]

Totally agree on that. She didn't pick Ryan D and she told them she was poor with communication. Even Dr. C admitted in the first episode he was concerned about this match due to Ryan D's temper.

 

Then why on earth did they match these two? I know Dr. Pepper said they thought they would look sexy together (groan), and I think I remember the experts saying that both Jessica and Ryan D thought family was important, but was there any other reason? And, BTW, apparently Ryan D's idea of having strong family values means worshiping his grandparents and trying to emulate how their marriage worked. Which is absolutely not working for Jessica, but why should he care? He's always right.

[Snarklepuss]

He gave her the silent treatment, not the other way around. Jessica tried to open communication with him, and tried to find something nice to say, taking the expert's (dr. Pepper's) advice, but he is such a bastard, he couldn't think of anything nice to say about her.

I think this duo just isn't going to work. Obviously he couldn't pull all his BS with another, stronger personality who had higher self esteem. But that does not mean it is not his fault. He is at the very least a bully. And there is a reason he was single and needed to go on a marriage show.

 

I don't see it that way.  I think she made it impossible for him to talk to her.  Every time I noticed him trying to level with her, she would yell at the top of her lungs so he couldn't even speak.  She just didn't like what he was saying, but sorry it was the truth.  If she couldn't take it, that's her issue.  I think after this happened several times he got fed up with this and walked out.  That is exactly what I would have done if someone did that to me, and I'm really big on communication in a relationship.  But enough is enough.  He was done with her and I don't blame him.  I am finding it very hard to find something nice to say about Jessica myself and I'm only watching her on TV, not involved in a relationship with her!  She screams that she wants him to talk to her and then when he tries she makes it impossible and screams then shuts down on him altogether.  That's why he called her a brick wall.  Mr. Snarklepuss said she was worse than a brick wall because at least brick walls don't yell at you when you try to tell them how they make you feel.  Seriously, what is so great about Jessica?  I'd really like to know how she is so much nicer than Ryan because I'm having a hard time finding anything redeeming about her at this point.  To me she is more a person to pity than to find attractive in any way whatsoever.  He is not far behind her, in my view either.

Edited May 7, 2015 by Snarklepuss

[JapMo]

 

I can believe they got 7,000 applicants.  They probably first eliminated everyone that wasn't somewhat attractive and had a decent figure, based on photos alone.  I also am pretty sure they counted out everyone that had been married before or had children, because that brings up a whole host of additional issues they didn't want to deal with.  They probably brought in a few hundred for interviews with producers and eliminated a sizable number who weren't charismatic enough for TV.  Then the psychological testing started, and I'm sure they were able to identify people who just weren't going to be able to handle this experiment. 

 

I'm guessing they had a final pool of about 100 when they began filming the audition process and the "experts" got involved, and probably whittled that down to no more than two dozen, from which they had to make three decent matches.  And I'm absolutely certain that the producers have way more to do with the matches than the experts do.

I totally agree with your last sentence. Maybe they didn't last year, but when it became a surprise hit, NOW you can see their influence. And I really do believe that's why we don't see the face to face visits from the experts. The show wants these couples to stumble around in the dark and get angry with each other and create lots and lots of drama. The experts were probably given free reign on who to put together last year, but I would not be surprised if the producers were right in there with them this year with their own agenda.

[MsPH]

 

 I'd like to know why when Ryan presses Jessica's buttons it's OK for her to act like a wicked shrew but when she presses his and he goes off on her, he's the villain.  Really, I'd like to know why.  Because they're both just as guilty of it, IMHO.

 

Maybe because Ryan acts like an a-hole even when she does nothing to "deserve" it? He gets off on pushing her buttons for no reason, whereas she only ends up pushing his buttons when she's totally fed up with his assy behaviour. Massive difference in my eyes.

[Bella]

We're getting overly heated again.

 

And we're getting repetitive, too.

 

If you've made your point several times, it's highly unlikely you're now going to persuade those who see it differently. That's just the way some of these conversations go.

 

 

 

[PityFree]

I can't believe no one has yet commented on the million dollar towels Davina was buying. I hope she is socking away some of her Viagra Rx money for a rainy day, or she'll be very sorry someday. 

[cardigirl]

I didn't think they bought them, did they?  They were joking about the price in the store. 

 

I thought they were pretty nice towels though.  

[SaucyMommy]

The sheets they bought were dreadful too! Satin sheets? 

[SaucyMommy]

But they're expensive. I think that's the most important thing for Davina. That, and being seen purchasing them on TV.

 

OMG I just had a thought. Pair Davina and Ryan D together. They can talk about how much money they have and how much more successful they are than everyone!

[Phoenix]

I don't see it that way.  I think she made it impossible for him to talk to her.  Every time I noticed him trying to level with her, she would yell at the top of her lungs so he couldn't even speak.  She just didn't like what he was saying, but sorry it was the truth.  If she couldn't take it, that's her issue.  I think after this happened several times he got fed up with this and walked out.  That is exactly what I would have done if someone did that to me, and I'm really big on communication in a relationship.  But enough is enough.  He was done with her and I don't blame him.  I am finding it very hard to find something nice to say about Jessica myself and I'm only watching her on TV, not involved in a relationship with her!  She screams that she wants him to talk to her and then when he tries she makes it impossible and screams then shuts down on him altogether.  That's why he called her a brick wall.  Mr. Snarklepuss said she was worse than a brick wall because at least brick walls don't yell at you when you try to tell them how they make you feel.  Seriously, what is so great about Jessica?  I'd really like to know how she is so much nicer than Ryan because I'm having a hard time finding anything redeeming about her at this point.  To me she is more a person to pity than to find attractive in any way whatsoever.  He is not far behind her, in my view either.

I see Jessica the same way as you do.   And her admitted poor communication skills are driving Ryan over the edge, as they would many people.  I feel stressed just listening to and watching her actions and words towards Ryan.  She does not listen to what he is saying.  Is this a lack of interpersonal skills or a lack of intellect in knowing how to navigate basic communication lines?  It was clear the money statement/accusation she directed to Ryan was the hot point, but she was oblivious to this fact.  Then when they calmed down and he explained it to her, he was affirmatively nodding his head as in YES, she finally grasps this is the issue...as in it was insulting to him.  But then as he was doing this...she said it yet again!!!!  She said...he was down on money so he took the $100.00!  Just unbelievable to see someone (Jessica) that dense...it was maddening to watch.  What was interesting though, was each time she made the money accusations to Ryan, she smiled...nearly laughed...and was covering her face with her hands in an effort to hide this reaction.  So, there is a lot going on with her, none of it positive.

Edited May 7, 2015 by Phoenix

[cpcathy]

Even if Jessica learns from this "experiment" (as no way in HELL they are staying married), she'll keep doing this in all of her relationships. We never really let go of the bad habits.

[moonxyz]

Ryan can change but Jessica can't? RIght I forgot that she "made" Ryan act abusive. She will probably "make" her next boyfriend hit her. 

[buckbuck]

I see Jessica the same way as you do.   And her admitted poor communication skills are driving Ryan over the edge, as they would many people.  I feel stressed just listening to and watching her actions and words towards Ryan.  She does not listen to what he is saying.  Is this a lack of interpersonal skills or a lack of intellect in knowing how to navigate basic communication lines?  It was clear the money statement/accusation she directed to Ryan was the hot point, but she was oblivious to this fact.  Then when they calmed down and he explained it to her, he was affirmatively nodding his head as in YES, she finally grasps this is the issue...as in it was insulting to him.  But then as he was doing this...she said it yet again!!!!  She said...he was down on money so he took the $100.00!  Just unbelievable to see someone (Jessica) that dense...it was maddening to watch.  What was interesting though, was each time she made the money accusations to Ryan, she smiled...nearly laughed...and was covering her face with her hands in an effort to hide this reaction.  So, there is a lot going on with her, none of it positive.

 

I do too.  I also notice those smirks when she gets him riled. (I'm not a fan of his either, though; he's a jerk IMO.)

One thought I had: the producers have no qualms airing the fights between Jess and Ryan D. But they didn't show Sean's confronting the hotel staff. How ugly was that scene, I wonder?

 

Oooh, what a good thought! I bet you're onto something there.

[cpcathy]

Ryan can change but Jessica can't? RIght I forgot that she "made" Ryan act abusive. She will probably "make" her next boyfriend hit her. 

 

No, Ryan will probably be a douche for the rest of his life, except he will eventually find the perfect woman, someone who's meek and cute and lets him have as many "draws" as he wants.

[buckbuck]

Yeah, I haven't really wanted to say anything about that because the whole thing creeps me out.  I'm beginning to think Davina is just as creepy as Sean is.  The batteries comment was in really bad taste and she LOVED it.  On national TV no less?  Who does she think she is, Samantha from SATC?  Ugh, I'm feeling embarrassed just watching the two of them!

 

Agreed. Even in the New Year's Eve episode she acted like she was a femme fatale or something, going on about it being more appropriate to wear her "halo" crooked, that she's a bad girl (or whatever the quote was).

[Chief Queef]

I don't understand why there needs to be a clear-cut bad guy in the Jessica/Ryan situation. She's clearly passive-aggressive, a poor communicator, and has trouble letting minor issues go. He's clearly arrogant, immature, and has trouble handling conflict without throwing ridiculous tantrums. Neither of them seem like evil people and of course they both have the capacity to change for the better, but it's highly doubtful they'll do so in three weeks without serious editing shenanigans involved. NO ONE should be fighting that bitterly with someone they barely know and have no emotional history with, which makes it clear they're a terrible personality match and can only bring out the worst in each other. Lots of people have had relationships like that and it's embarrassing to think back later on how shitty you both behaved. Of course the experts will try to spin it otherwise since their totes amazing Matchmaking Sciencez never fails(!), but it's pretty obvious.

And I don't think the experts picked the original 6 because they were so well-matched. They picked individuals who seemed like good TV and THEN matched them up. We even saw them debating who they were going to match with whom during the casting special. I don't think there's any science involved at all; they'll just pick people who seem like they'll bring the drama and then edit them to be even more dramatic.

[JaneVM]

I actually think they will stay together at the 6 week show but only for the money and fame.  They need someone to be on the "Married at First Sight: the first year" and if all three couples implode what would they do?

[KateHearts]

Here's my take:  There are definite differences this season vs. Season 1. It's much more scripted/dramatic (sad music, focusing in on fights and face-making).  The "experts" are cutting in a lot more.  And it's constantly referred to as "This Experiment".  

 

I don't quite get the pairing two people with similarities (especially in weak areas).  Two wildly insecure, highly navel-gazing and historically bullied adults as a couple?  Sure disaster.  Two people from strong, male-centric cultural backgrounds who don't communicate well?  Doubtful they'll last.  The one couple, Ryan R and Jaclyn, are so totally different that I doubt they will last either.  

 

Last season the experts seemed to try and complement the pairs much better.  Doug's close-knit and stable family life was great for Jaime whose upbringing was a disaster.  I don't care for Jason and Cortney (she drives me nuts- so many romance-novel phrases) but she seemed to provide stability while he was losing his mother and pursuing his career.

As for the location/moving issues: aren't the majority of these people in sales?  And doesn't that require a lot of moving around anyway? I can't imagine that selling vodka requires sitting at a desk in one location all day long. Nor would being a drug rep.

 

There was mention of Ryan D and his taking the $100 out of the wedding pot (or was it really his all along?!)  He was gloating that he had no problem spending $4k on an apartment and how he eats out all day to the tune of hundreds of dollars a week.. methinks he isn't all as flush with cash as he wants us to believe (or believes himself).

[Waterlilly]

I agree that Jess and Ryan D are very much alike. I also think a lot of this is put on and playing for the camera. So much drama! I have to admit that I did not understand one word that Ryan's friend said. That was a waste of time.

Doesn't Ryan R work near his mother's home? Couldn't he stop by and see if she is snowed in? I also think he is looking for a safety net, just in case he needs to bale.

Sean and Davina, corny...

[Liberty]

Doesn't Ryan R work near his mother's home? Couldn't he stop by and see if she is snowed in?

 

Excellent point!   He could even stop by for lunch on days he was in the area.

[Adeejay]

One thought I had: the producers have no qualms airing the fights between Jess and Ryan D. But they didn't show Sean's confronting the hotel staff. How ugly was that scene, I wonder?

 

When it comes to Sean and Davina, for whatever reason I believe there are a lot that's not being shown.  They were all over each other at the wedding, and then on their honeymoon they seemed cool and distant; I sensed tension.  I have a feeling something happened "off camera" that created a rift.  Come to think of it, all the important conversations and juicy incidents seem to happen when the cameras aren't rolling.  Bah!

[zxy556575]

It's also possible the camera crew wasn't there when Sean confronted the hotel staff. They don't film 24/7.

[ethalfrida]

Did we already discuss how the experts are annoying and do not add anything to the show? If they would just let the couples do their time on the air without interjecting their so wrong expertise it would all be so much better.

All through the last show I kept saying how rotten the Ryans were. The $100 Ryan is a super ass and gets worse every week. If she stays married to him he will continue to try and bully her. And the "experts" really think they made a good match? That man is barely sane.

[Fastball]

I'm new to this forum.  I've watched MAFS since S1.E1.

 

Jaclyn and Ryan R. are my favorite of the three couples this season.  I'm not surprised that Ryan is going through a period of homesickness, but was surprised to see him vent about it to Jaclyn's family.  It would've been fine if he had simply mentioned that his family was on his mind, but he got too heavy about it.  Then again, harping on the issue of the day is what this show does.  I'm guessing he'll get in touch with his mother and niece, they'll assure him that they're fine and give him a pep talk, and he'll recommit to Jaclyn.  The question is, Will she still be interested?  After all, there needs to be some tension when they say whether they'll stay together or divorce.

 

Jessica and Ryan D's relationship has taken lots of damage, and Ryan seems to be doing some of it deliberately.  While Jessica is doing her own laundry, he walks right by her and drops his off for laundering service.  If he thought paying for hers would have sent a mixed message, he could have done his own laundry along with her.  Then again, maybe he offered off camera and she declined.  The one thing I noticed about Jessica is that she isn't constantly breaking down into tears anymore.  She's going toe to toe with the silent treatment and arguments.  But she did make a good attempt at Pepper's advice, and he just smacked it away.  Disappointing.  As for the closet space, they should get a wardrobe unit.

 

Didn't the experts say that the couples were at similar places in their professional development?  I'd assume earnings was part of that, and Jessica and Ryan clearly have quite the chasm between their earnings.  That seems to be weighing on Jessica.

 

Davina and Sean are hard to watch.  They treat their relationship like a self-help exercise.  They're very intelligent academically, but have a lot of emotional work to do.

Edited May 8, 2015 by Fastball

[ethalfrida]

I keep getting the guys mixed up. 

I meant Sean and $100 Ryan, not both the Ryans. 

[MsPH]

$100 Ryan is a great nickname! Thinks he's a million bucks, but $100 is as good as it gets.

[Neurochick]

And I don't think the experts picked the original 6 because they were so well-matched. They picked individuals who seemed like good TV and THEN matched them up. We even saw them debating who they were going to match with whom during the casting special. I don't think there's any science involved at all; they'll just pick people who seem like they'll bring the drama and then edit them to be even more dramatic.

 

 

I would not be a bit surprised if a good portion of this show is fake.

 

I look at it this way.  People who sign up for this show have to be willing to be:

 

• Legally married to a stranger
• Willing to marry a stranger on TV and be willing to be filmed for the next six weeks
• Be in the NY metropolitan area
• Be attractive (no unattractive people on TV...grin)
• Be sane; sure Ryan D has a temper, but they don't want any serious nut jobs.

 

When you narrow that field down, you probably don't have many people left.  So this is what we're left with.  

Edited May 8, 2015 by Neurochick

[jamblastx]

Newbie here but have been watching this train wreck from the beginning of season 1 and I will never forgive my girlfriend in somehow getting me hooked on this show. ;)

Some thoughts (and after reading this forum, I am mostly preaching to the choir)

 

• Jaclyn/Ryan - I felt so bad for him at the beginning of this season for him being a great stand up guy and her immediately dismissing him and now my feelings have completely changed.  It is clear that he wanted a wife on his terms that would have accepted living in his basement or next door to his mom's.  Looking back, even his not being able to move his Christmas 'tradition' of shopping Xmas Eve with his brother was a preview of him not being able to cope with change.  While I commend him for his concerns and responsibilities towards his mother and niece, this should be a wake up call that either he needs to cope with the changes and compromises of marriage, or deal with the fact that he will need to find someone very locally who will accept his family situation AND recognize that may be an impossible task.  As far as Jaclyn is concerned, rather than the dismissive B with her insane notion that she was going to immediately see her soul mate when she met him in an arranged reality show marriage as I thought she was, while having her faults with boundaries and over bearing-ness, she is proving to have a very intelligent and pragmatic way of looking at her marriage with Ryan.  Plus, while they 'split' the difference when it comes to their commute away from their work and families, as anyone from the NYC metropolitan area would know, Astoria to NJ is WAAAYYY worse than Astoria to Suffolk county even though it's geographically closer.  Negotiating going through or around Manhattan with the tunnels and bridges is a nightmare.
• Jessica/Ryan - Ryan....my lord what a douche.  He gets worse EVERY week.  And how can two people devolve so quickly after only knowing each other for three weeks....one of which was in paradise on vacation.  And Jessica REALLY needs to work on her own issues with confrontations (or lack thereof) AND her previous relationships (and this one when it also becomes a 'previous relationship') before she could EVER get serious with someone.  Ryan will never change because he doesn't see anything wrong with him or his odd hero worship of his grandparents' old fashioned marriage. 
• Davina/Sean - They are the sorbet of the group...a palette cleanser.  Time to get up and have a snack or go to the bathroom when they are on.  Davina so set in her ways and seemingly with a foot out the door anytime a 'red flag' pops up even when it is in reality a slight yellow flag.  And Sean, Sean, Sean...at least Ryan has a more real reason to be homesick...his family, rather than being homesick for central NJ.  And he acts as if he grew up isolated in a bomb shelter in Montana rather than being about an hour away from Manhattan.  Why in the world did he say he was willing to relocate?!