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Small Talk: We'll Be Right Back


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On 4/25/2017 at 8:09 AM, aquarian1 said:

So any mailing you get today, started with lists and data from weeks to months ago.  

And they sell their lists. Several years ago, as a test, I signed up for some free sample offer with a false middle initial. For years after that, whenever I got any offer, credit card or otherwise,  with my name and that fake initial, I knew where it started.  

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(edited)
1 hour ago, ennui said:

And they sell their lists. Several years ago, as a test, I signed up for some free sample offer with a false middle initial. For years after that, whenever I got any offer, credit card or otherwise,  with my name and that fake initial, I knew where it started.  

Ugh. I still get mail for my "invisible twin brother" -- whoever typed in my name misspelled it and turned it into the masculine version. It took an address change for me to finally figure out which company it was.

Edited by Trini
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Just how hard can it be to match names to official records? Mom had a particularly frustrating one, doing genealogy research for a friend: there was once a man named Steve. He had three sons, Steve, Thomas, and Michael. They had several sons each, and also reused the names Steve, Thomas, and Michael. Nobody was sensible enough to tag them with Jr or II/III/IV in official records, of course - they were just ranchers, not fancy folk. And Mom's friend? Also a Steve, at least two generations after those grandchildren. So there you are, with names, newspaper articles, some census records, and if you're lucky official birth/death notices - but which Steve is it?

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(edited)

The Social Security Death Index in the U.S. is searchable for free online. The catch is that social security numbers weren't a thing and therefore assigned until sometime in the 1920s (I don't remember the exact year), so if you have an ancestor who died before then, there's no record of them there. That's only about three to five generations ago. I'm 42; my late grandfather was assigned a SSN sometime during his childhood, not at birth. I think my grandmother (91 in March) has always had an SSN, so it would've been between 1923-1926ish.

Census records going back to 1790--when they were first recorded--are online for free. There's a chunk missing in 1890 (corrected, thanks, @Silver Raven) when there was a fire where the records were stored. You have to download or comb through the records by hand, but that was part of the joy of discovery for me. The old script handwriting is beautiful, and so different from how we write now (so few of us write anymore).

Ancestry offers/used to offer free days/weekends here and there, which is how I know how the site works. Anyone can upload/start a tree for free and link to other trees, but searching is limited. Because of those old records and transcription, there are errors. And people copy the errors into their trees...and so on.

@Jamoche, your best bet is census records if the family is young enough to be counted since 1790, then checking against death records. People also put a lot of info in obituaries that you can sometimes find online.

I'm fortunate that my search was relatively easy. My family--maternal grandmother and grandfather--were from the same general area (neighboring counties in rural NC foothills) and ended up in the same place, obviously. I didn't go back further than 1790 (because any earlier wasn't in the U.S.), but all evidence points to the three founding brothers coming over from England and journeying south after landing in the Northeast. My grandmother has a local history book that tells lore, along with the story of the three brothers, one of whom is her great(x however many) grandfather.

Most of "my people" were poorly educated farmers. My mother remembers going to school very early on in a one-room schoolhouse, and she's only 67. My grandparents were the first to move from the area (only to the nearest city), and they became a truck driver (gpa) and factory worker (gma). This was when my mother was very young.

In my genealogical search, I found aunts (many times great even to my grandmother) that passed when they were children that my grandmother didn't know existed. That kind of thing was bittersweet, but helps make the roots a little stronger and deeper. I found a living cousin in California and communicated with her. It was really fulfilling and helped pull me out of a(nother) deep depression. My mother and I really enjoyed our time together going to the small towns she remembered from her youth.

I could talk about it for days. Ironically, I have no children nor have ever wanted any. My biological father is a deadbeat, and I have zero interest in finding anything about that side. I did a bit of work on my stepdad's line. His grandfather disappeared sometime in the 1960s. He just vanished. No records, no nothing. We suspect a coal mining accident or river drowning, per a couple of family stories. It's all just so interesting.

Any time I can walk through an historic graveyard, I do. I find them beautiful and a testament to the lives people led. I wonder about the people whose bodies are buried there. Who were they? What did they do? What happened to them? Who remembers them now?

Edited by bilgistic
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32 minutes ago, bilgistic said:

There's a chunk missing in 1810 (I think) when there was a fire where the records were stored

1890.

Early census records are very sparse.  There were quite a few more questions asked as the years progressed.

33 minutes ago, bilgistic said:

I didn't go back further than 1790 (because any earlier wasn't in the U.S.)

If you're lucky enough, somebody has compiled family genealogies that go back further than that.  My grandfather's mother's line has a book (in multiple publishings, so they add more and more people who have been born or added to the line since the last publication).  It goes back definitively to the early 1600s, and possibly to the 1500s, if the information is accurate.

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I love the shows on genealogy, Who Do You Think You Are?, Genealogy Roadshow and Finding Your Roots with Henry Gates. They are such interesting shows, but they tell the story, not always the meat and potatoes of the birth and death records, the wills, the baptismal records. It makes for a more interesting show. Well, except Genealogy Roadshow shows a lot about the records. My sister really likes those shows. Now, years of drug addiction has seriously destroyed many of her brain cells and even though she used to be fairly intelligent, those days are gone forever. But she is delusional and thinks she has it all together. She has asked me many questions about the genealogy of our family, I have a lot of the family history and I'm trying to record much of what I know with the family pictures for future generations. They don't care right now, but maybe in 20-30-40 years they might. And in that time, I will be gone, all of the older generations will be gone, I really wish I had listened better and that my mother had labeled the pictures! It helps that we have a family FB group and are sharing pictures and labeling them. My sister doesn't want to go through the birth and death records, she doesn't have the patience for it, but she seems to think Ancestry.com is going to tell the pretty little story like Who Do You Think You Are? I have checked out some family information, I've even put in some corrections, only in family that are in my direct lineage, that the person who did the initial research didn't have enough access to, or didn't ask the right person, I've corrected things like middle names and added births of new family, added death dates of other family members. But my sister is determined to go on Ancestry and see the pretty little story, it isn't going to happen. My sister is also not very computer literate, learning to use a computer and the internet take some patience and time and practice. She's 61, she doesn't have the patience, doesn't want to take the time or the practice. I've given up, she does what ever she does. 

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I like to think that just as there was a revival of the home arts (things like knitting and baking) in my generation, there will be future generations that keep records of our families. My cousin once removed (age 25, so almost a generation below me) has started researching her direct lineage, and our grandmother gave all of us the written records from family bibles combined with the records I compiled.

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On 7/4/2017 at 2:23 PM, bilgistic said:

Any time I can walk through an historic graveyard, I do. I find them beautiful and a testament to the lives people led. I wonder about the people whose bodies are buried there. Who were they? What did they do? What happened to them? Who remembers them now?

There's an old cemetery in Montana (Sheridan, I think, but I could be wrong). One of the markers says simply "Stage Driver." No one knew his name, but they cared enough to bury him. 

Old cemeteries have a lot of graves of children, back when diseases were often fatal. 

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1 hour ago, Brattinella said:

I can't even understand how someone can forget to take ONE PILL every day.  It ain't that hard, folks.  I have one pill I take every day, I never forget it.  People are always putting something in their mouth, food, vitamins, coffee.  How hard is it to take The Pill every morning with your coffee?

It's not that it's hard to take one pill. The issue is forgetting IF you took the pill or not. Other than Marilu Henner and the 8 people in the world like her, people forget stuff. Say you always take your pill with breakfast but one morning you're running late, or have a breakfast meeting, so you're out the door. Lunch rolls around: oh crap, did I take that before I left, or not? I think I did, but I'm not sure because I have so many memories of taking a pill in the morning, I think I took it, but maybe that was yesterday. No longer at home where the pills are to check, and if not using one of those separate-compartment-for-every-day-of-the-week pill cases, might not be able to tell by looking if took it or not. Can't be sure. With some pills, it's OK to take (what might be) a second and be slightly over medicated for the day. With others, that could be much more dangerous so you just need to wait until next day and be slightly under medicated for a little while, which can have other consequences. The other thing is that yes, people are always putting something in their mouths. I have multiple pills I have to take daily. One must be taken with food. The other must be taken on an empty stomach. So I can't take them at the same time, which now means I need to remember to stop to take a pill twice. The with-food one is easier because breakfast (usually) happens. The empty stomach one is harder because if I wake up earlier than usual and am really hungry, which happens sometimes, I'll automatically go eat something, as is a normal response to hunger, and now I can't take that other pill for a while because I don't have an empty stomach. This makes it more likely I'll forget to get back to it later. Doesn't mean a guaranteed forget, but it's another wrench in the works. I don't think anyone has a 100% unbreakable routine that is never thrown off. And a small change in routine can result in something simple like not remembering to take a pill, once. (or more commonly, not remembering for sure if one took that pill or not). How big of a consequence that might have varies wildly depending on the person and pill in question. 

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OK, but I don't have diabetes. I have other things. As do plenty of people. You said you couldn't understand how anyone who needed to take a pill daily could ever forget and I gave you a real life example of how a small unexpected change in routine can make that happen. I also have plenty of friends, some with what can turn into life threatening conditions who have also in their lifetimes at some point forgotten to take their medication. And they know when that happens whether they're supposed to take another anyway or wait, that's why I mentioned that example. I know this discussion started because of a birth control ad, but in the general arena of people needing to take any pill daily, I think it's odd to suggest it's unfathomable that people ever might not be able to remember if they took their pills. Some people are more diligent than others, and some conditions require more precision with dosing than others. Some if you forget and remember three hours later, you take it and that's fine. Others if you forget, by an hour later you're on the floor and that's how you know you fucked it up. The diabetics I know are all on pumps, not pills, so I can't speak to that, but I can think of dozens of occasions I've been with friends, roommates, family who take daily medication for one reason or another and they've all had an "oh shit did I take my pill before we left" moment outloud at me at some point. It's incredibly common. That doesn't mean everybody forgets frequently, but at least one day a year? Sure. Just because forgetting can have terrible consequences doesn't mean people don't still do it sometimes.

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(edited)

I am on a number of meds and supplements--antidepressants, anti-anxiety, thyroid hormone, migraine preventive, anti-heartburn, probiotics, vitamins, etc. I take them morning and night. I HATE mornings because I tend to not sleep well, and I'm just "not a morning person". I usually remember to take my meds (I put them in a "days of the week" dispenser) when I get to the kitchen, but my cat also needs to be medicated and is screaming at me for food. I'm in a fog in the morning, and my imperative is to get the cat medicated and fed. Sometimes I just miss the step of taking my meds even though I've been medicated for over half my life. I do carry a spare dosage, but if I think I've forgotten to take my morning dose, am I sure I've forgotten or not? I made the mistake recently of thinking I didn't take them, then doubled up. I was drugged up at work, then. If I definitely do forget, I feel not good, but now I'm afraid to take the emergency dosage.

TL;DR: One can forget to take their meds even after 20+ years. However, if I had an implant that gave me my meds, I wouldn't stop in the airport and make a face like I shit my pants, wondering if I took my meds, because I'd know I was getting them.

Aside: Yes, IUDs last three to seven years. They've been in wide-ish use since the 1960s but were invented long before that. A former friend had one for years post-baby and loved it. My sister had one and had nothing but trouble and had to have it removed.

Edited by bilgistic
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I take my diabetes meds (Metformin) at dinner time. I've found it helps if, just prior to putting the pills in my mouth, I say the day of the week aloud. REALLY loud.  "It's TUESDAY; I'm taking the Metformin!!"  The cats have gotten used to it. Going out for dinner presents a whole different problem.  Can't yell in a restaurant. Bwaahahahaha.

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(edited)
17 hours ago, Brattinella said:

Sorry, I don't buy that.  If you have diabetes, you SURE AS SHIT are not gonna forget!  An unwanted pregnancy will cost you, to varying degrees of heartache and expense. 

I have diabetes and I sometimes forget whether or not I've taken my second Metformin in the evening.  I try to always take it at dinner time, but I'm not always home then, and even when I am, I'm human and forget shit once in awhile.  (Last night, in fact - I didn't remember that I hadn't taken it until it was too close to the morning dose.)  I've also occasionally forgotten to take my thyroid medication, and it has to be taken at least a half-hour before or 4 hours after eating, so if I miss it before breakfast, I can't take it until almost lunchtime.  I have no problem buying that sometimes women might forget to take the pill because we're human, not robots.  (I do, however, find the commercial in question stupid.)

Edited by proserpina65
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I'm on blood pressure meds and anti-anxiety meds. There have been times I've gotten to work and realized I forgot to take them. I've literally had to ask to be excused and driven back home to take them. That wouldn't help much with birth control pills because you have to take them at the exact same time every day.

People are fallible.

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On ‎9‎/‎14‎/‎2016 at 4:45 PM, theatremouse said:

This is interesting to me. I was under the apparently wrong impression that when funerals are super expensive, the most expensive thing is usually the casket. So in that sense, unless you go plain box, cremation would generally be less expensive because even a super expensive urn won't match the cost of a super expensive casket, but I get there are a lot of variables in play such that they could even out or tip in one direction or the other depending on how big you go with various aspects.

The book Dust To Dust covered a lot of this and ossieraries (a place where bodies are picked clean by vultures). I recommend it.

 

On ‎10‎/‎6‎/‎2016 at 4:54 AM, riley702 said:

Regarding Pinktober, I hate it. Doesn't mean everyone else has to agree, but I think it unfairly trivializes and sexualizes an ugly disease that kills 40,000 American women AND men every year. Breast cancer isn't a pretty pink flash-your-tatas, everybody's cured party. Many women are living with metastatic disease and 20-30% of early-stage cancers will come back as metastatic disease 5, 10 or even 15 years in the future. And for those people, life is an unending grind of active treatment until nothing works anymore. And then they die. There actually isn't reliable data that mammograms save lives, due to that uncertainty of later progression hanging over all of us who hope we've beaten this disease. FWIW, I found my lump and it topped out the aggressiveness scale (grade). It's been 6 years and the longer I go without relapsing, the better, obviously, but it changes you and not for the better, having this hanging over your head. Breast cancer isn't one of those 5 years and you're "cured" cancers. In fact, the first thing they said to me was "We don't like to use the word "cure" with breast cancer." And I cussed long and loud, because I'd bought into this being a good, "everybody lives!" disease.

Also, the pinkwashing in October is, to my cynical eyes, a marketing gimmick and nothing more. How much is going to breast cancer? And to whom? How will the money be spent? Is there any oversight? How much is overhead and marketing? Komen spends millions paying fundraisers to raise even more money and suing other cancer fundraisers for using the words "race for the cure" or anything they deem too close to their trademarked and profitable slogan. They demand anyone wanting to "race for the cure" must raise at least $2,000.  I guess those smaller amounts aren't worth their while. They've also teamed up with some questionable companies (Pink buckets of KFC, anyone?) How much money is going toward research to actually cure this disease? Fuck awareness. Everyone not living under a rock is aware of breast cancer. 

Whew, sorry. Stepping off my soap box now.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/leisha-davisonyasol/october-pinkwashing_b_4102424.html

http://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/columnists/ct-breast-cancer-brotman-talk-20141006-column.html

Thank you! I get so much grief for this!

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10 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

My DH and I have recently become addicted to Columbo. Where we live it's on every weekday morning at 9:00 on Hallmark and there are two Sat. and Sun, at 4:00 pm on CoziTV. My husband said he wishes there was an all Columbo channel.

For my fellow Columbo fans, it also comes on MeTV on Sunday nights at eight PM eastern time. I love the nostalgia channels.

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I liked Columbo well enough back in the day, and did watch it now and then when it was on MeTV late at night a few times, I think it was part of the rotation with McMillan and Wife, which does not hold up well, and McCloud which I liked back in the day but started hating while I watched it in the middle of the night. So of the three, Columbo probably holds up the best. And I like the nostalgia channels too. I like the old shows because you don't have to watch the screen intently while they're on. I do more listening than watching and these shows suit me fine. The passage of time since I last watched them has made me forget most of the stories but still remember the characters.

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What I *finally* noticed, watching Columbo on CoziTV, is that it doesn't have a theme song. There's no music that's the same from one episode to the next. Sometimes, I'll get that peppy "Murder She Wrote" theme in my mental jukebox and it drives me nuts, but that can't happen with Columbo. (Rockford's another theme that gets stuck in my head.)

 

I wish somebody would rerun some Monk episodes on a non-cable channel.

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1 hour ago, Prevailing Wind said:

What I *finally* noticed, watching Columbo on CoziTV, is that it doesn't have a theme song. There's no music that's the same from one episode to the next. Sometimes, I'll get that peppy "Murder She Wrote" theme in my mental jukebox and it drives me nuts, but that can't happen with Columbo. (Rockford's another theme that gets stuck in my head.)

 

I wish somebody would rerun some Monk episodes on a non-cable channel.

The closest they came was This Old Man. Sometimes Columbo hums, whistles or sings it. In Murder Under Glass an orchestra plays it. It's usually just before he solves the case.

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Quote

I wish somebody would rerun some Monk episodes on a non-cable channel.

I've been thinking that too, getting a new toy for my pit bull pup, it's a soft toy from Kong's Cuteseas line, it's a blue whale. Since we name all the dog toys here, so I can say things like, "get Fishy." "Get Wubba Wubba Wabbit", of course the whale is going to be named, Dale.

It's been long enough since I've seen Monk that I'm ready to see it again. I don't have cable either, I think it would work on H&I.

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6 minutes ago, friendperidot said:

It's been long enough since I've seen Monk that I'm ready to see it again. I don't have cable either, I think it would work on H&I.

Isn't Hallmark Mysteries a non-cable channel? Because I'm pretty sure Monk is still in their rotation.

What I'm waiting for is for The Rockford Files to come back to some channel. MeTV ran it for ages and then discontinued it, which was very dosapponting. If someone knows if Jim and his seedy trailer can be found anywhere, it'd be awesome for you to share that information.

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Hallmark Mysteries has Monk running currently.  Hart to Hart, also.  Alas, no Rockford Files.  I will keep an eye out!

18 minutes ago, friendperidot said:

I've been thinking that too, getting a new toy for my pit bull pup, it's a soft toy from Kong's Cuteseas line, it's a blue whale. Since we name all the dog toys here, so I can say things like, "get Fishy." "Get Wubba Wubba Wabbit", of course the whale is going to be named, Dale.

I finally had a eureka moment!  I gave a small stuffed bear to our newly-only cat.  She nuzzles it and licks it a little, and makes biscuits on it.  I call the bear alternately "Bear" and "Toy", I'm not sure which one she prefers yet.

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2 hours ago, Cobalt Stargazer said:

Isn't Hallmark Mysteries a non-cable channel? Because I'm pretty sure Monk is still in their rotation.

What I'm waiting for is for The Rockford Files to come back to some channel. MeTV ran it for ages and then discontinued it, which was very dosapponting. If someone knows if Jim and his seedy trailer can be found anywhere, it'd be awesome for you to share that information.

The Rockford Files are on after Columbo on Sat. and Sun. on CoziTV.

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If Hallmark Mysteries is not a cable channel, it's not available in Tulsa, but I'm having a fuzzy moment of maybe it's available on Prime. I have Prime, I'll look in a little bit. I didn't get it for video, but that's one of the nice side benefits of it. And there is a channel on Prime I love, I don't sleep well at night, and many years ago I learned that I sleep better with the tv on, sound way down. Prime has Ambien Channel, there wonderful programs lasting 8-10 hours, made just for people like me. Programs include crackling fire, waterfalls, trickling streams, rainfall, (funny how many are running water!). My very favorite to sleep through is Thunderstorms, the screen is not black, but it's very dark and the thunder is distant, so as soon as I start falling asleep with the aid of Ambien, I turn on the thunderstorm. 

Bratinella, Quark has a bear toy too, the Kong soft toys are perfect for him. But we call it Mr. Bear. I had a Cocker Spaniel that I had to put down almost a year ago, her name was Berry, I just can't call the toy bear, Beary, it's still too painful. Almost all the other toy names end in "y", but just can't do Beary. Dale the Whale will be another exception. It's just too good a name.

I love Rockford, some times I can get Cozi, most of the time, the station goes on and off too much.

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13 hours ago, Prevailing Wind said:

What I *finally* noticed, watching Columbo on CoziTV, is that it doesn't have a theme song. There's no music that's the same from one episode to the next.

I think that the reason for this, at least when the series began, is that it was part of the rotating series that appeared under the NBC Mystery Movie title, with an extra-long time slot, 90 or 120 minutes. (Some others were just mentioned: McMillan and Wife and McCloud, and others were added and subtracted over the years.) So you'd see that as the main title, with Henry Mancini's theme and images of the various series, then the announcer's voice saying which one you would get tonight.

And after it ended, the "movie" for the show itself would start, without theme music because that had already been taken care of.

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I have a pit bull who is about a year old. He was dumped on me at the first of the year. I didn't want/don't want a big dog or a puppy, but it seems like he stays with me or he will be put down. Because his former owners are idiots doesn't mean the dog deserves to be put to death, so it looks like he's staying with me. Anyway, this spring I discovered he was terrified of thunderstorms. A side benefit of having the tv on a thunderstorm program for 6-8 hours is that he is no longer terrified of storms. I keep the sound low, and we both sleep through it. The first time I turned it on, he did get a bit anxious, but I turned the sound down low and he calmed. So we put on thunderstorms every night. We had storms all night on July 3, and except for a couple of loud cracks of thunder that made me jump, he wasn't bothered.

When he came to me, his name was Freeway, I changed it, it didn't fit him. He is the most food focused dog I've ever had and I've had 4 Cocker Spaniels. I named him Quark for the Ferengi on Deep Space Nine, greed is his reason for being, food greed is the dogs reason for being.

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(edited)
9 hours ago, friendperidot said:

I've been thinking that too, getting a new toy for my pit bull pup, it's a soft toy from Kong's Cuteseas line, it's a blue whale. Since we name all the dog toys here, so I can say things like, "get Fishy." "Get Wubba Wubba Wabbit", of course the whale is going to be named, Dale.

It's been long enough since I've seen Monk that I'm ready to see it again. I don't have cable either, I think it would work on H&I.

I love this!  My late border collie had a stuffed chihuahua we named Pedro, his second toy was a blue bunny we named Steven.  He had Steven for so long and got so used to the name that for the rest of his life all of his toys were Stevens.  It would get a little embarrassing when somebody would come over and tell him to get a ball or toy.  He would just look at them until I told them to say Steven, then he'd run to his toy box and grab a toy. I had to explain the story to everyone who came in the house. 

Edited by Maharincess
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On 7/15/2017 at 11:43 PM, Rinaldo said:

I think that the reason for this, at least when the series began, is that it was part of the rotating series that appeared under the NBC Mystery Movie title, with an extra-long time slot, 90 or 120 minutes. (Some others were just mentioned: McMillan and Wife and McCloud, and others were added and subtracted over the years.)

I've been waiting for them to start rerunning Banacek.

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3 hours ago, LoneHaranguer said:

I've been waiting for them to start rerunning Banacek.

It has, at some point, aired on MeTV, but apparently not currently. It does seem to surface from time to time when new "nostalgia" cable channels start up, until they're ordered to think more about the bottom line and abandon anything interesting.

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31 minutes ago, mojoween said:

Mookie HAAAATES thunderstorms.  I always know when one is coming, we have two shelves on the entertainment unit that hold books on one and DVD's on another, and I hear "thunk thunk" of books hitting the floor and there he is, hiding behind Stephen King.

I was about to say, LOL that Stephen King is less frightening than a thunderstorm.

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Quote

After all these years, the theremin(?) on the NBC Mystery Movie theme still kind of freaks me out.

I don't know how it's spelled either, but last night I was watching one of the "free" movie channels on my Roku. They have ads, and the programs are horribly cut to pieces to run them. No planning to the ads, the show just suddenly stops and 3-5 ads run. But anyway, was watching a documentary on the Beach Boys, 50 year history (I'm old, I grew up with the Beach Boys), Brian Wilson was talking about the use of the theremin in Good Vibrations, I'd never noticed it before. That is the correct spelling, I looked it up.

Back to the free movie channels. I've been watching a lot of very old movies, An Affair To Remember, Rebecca, The Trouble With Harry. Hitchcock put scene changes in his movies, there are natural breaks that would be an ok place to put the ads, but the way they are just dropped into the program is jarring. Takes you completely out of the story. I'm also re-reading Rebecca, so I really wanted to enjoy the movie. I wish I could say I did.

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