S05.E17: Amster-Damn Slap

[SwordQueen]

What is Brandi's deal this season with the physical/prop "comedy"?  

 

Why was she trying to get all up on Lisa?  No means NO, Brandi.  And WTF to Kim getting all up on Lisa R with a vibrator?  I'll bet both Lisas took scalding hot showers afterwards to try and scrub the grease off. 

[AnnA]

Oh man, I really hope they're not gonna be rehashing that stupid fuckin' bullshit slap 800 bazillion times.  Brandi is an idiot & she was being stupid/silly & NOT her usual mean self.  End of story.  This is what you've been teasing us with, Satan Andy?  Big huge enormous fail.  Move the fuck on. please.

 

I think we're going to be in the minority with our opinion of "the slap."  It was a really bad joke.  Brandi wanted LisaV to slap her first (Why? I don't know).  The promo made it seem like it was done in anger.  It wasn't. Was it wrong?  Yes.  Was it stupid?  Yes.  Was it funny?  No.........Brandi just does not know how to behave even when she's trying to be funny.

Edited March 11, 2015 by AnnA

[BlackMamba]

I loved Eileen's reaction to Brandi not coming to for next week. "Yay!"  This is how most viewers will feel someday when she's fired.

 

And is The MaloofHoof coming to Holland? 

[AnnA]

 

And WTF to Kim getting all up on Lisa R with a vibrator?  I'll bet both Lisas took scalding hot showers afterwards to try and scrub the grease off. 

 

[SwordQueen]

LOL  AnnA   I think I was making the same face during that scene. 

 

Kim was so cracked out in that store. 

[ScoobieDoobs]

Idk bout anyone else. but I was thoroughly drained & exhausted from this ep.  I feel like I just ran a marathon.  Not a good feeling, Satan Andy.  These women are going 'round & 'round & 'round.  Did I buy the fakey "resolutions" at the end?  Um, not so much.  Kim & Kyle are wonderful now?  Yeah, right.  Um, guess Kim forgot she called Eileen a beast & she hates her face & hair -- or she's still always so high, it's why she never makes any sense or ever remembers anything.  

 

I'm wondering if there's a production person whose only job is to help Kim get dressed & get her ready & deliver her to the cameras.

Edited March 11, 2015 by ScoobieDoobs

[Cranky One]

Oh,and Brandi's talking heads? Stop trying to be hip. You look like you're trying to keep up with the cool kids. You're own kids would be rolling their eyes at you.

[laffytaffy997]

Can we finally now call Brandi a total HYPOCRITE after this episode.  Not only did she slap LVP but she also also semi pushed her so she could slap her.  Isn't this the same bitch who claimed about Kyle touching her during the Poker Night and even last week she didn't want to be touched, but she touches LVP! 

Or when she said "but If you say something that is life changing about someone else, that could possibly ruin their lives." You know, like that time she said something revealed a certain surrogacy

[mbaywife123]

Ummm, no,huh?,okay?WTF! This episode was so all over the place that I now have a headache.

[Jack Terrier]

The best part of the episode was the preview of Kim screaming at Kyle learning her BFF is gossiping behind her back!

In the words of Eileen, "yeah"!!!

[Leroux]

I am LMAO right now, my hubby probably thinks I am nuts.

When Brandi got scratched by Kyle's bracelet she made a huge deal out of it, she said she needed stitches, she still continues to talk about the act of aggression she endured, she still even up to this day and even when kyle has explained to her several times that she didn't purposedly scratched her and it was her bracelet, she still continues to tell the tales of how attacked she was.

It would serve her just right if LisaV would do just the same to her, this incident was not an accident, whether she thought it was a joke or not, she put her hands on Lisa and Lisa was not happy about it. I am LOL thinking if the next time they see each other LisaV presents drunk Brandi with a medical bill because she had to go to the hospital for a concussion caused by the slap it would be just comical.

It would be just what Brandi deserves

[mla40]

I wish all of the 'ladies' would have said something nice to Brandi like this...

You really know how to polish off a bottle!

Your hair extensions barely look like they're hanging on by their last threads tonight!

You're tall!

I can't even smell the skank on you tonight!

You haven't fallen down yet tonight!

You have boobs!

The end. Fuck off.

[SwordQueen]

I'm wondering if there's a production person whose only job is to help Kim get dressed & get her ready & deliver her to the cameras.

 

I dunno, but both Kim and Brandi need someone to pull them aside before each scene to review the minutes of the previous scenes so they can keep their stories straight.  Brandi just throws shit out there hoping something will stick but she looks like such a damn, incoherent fool that I don't know how anyone can even listen to her without laughing.  It's pure Life Imitating Art -- She's become her own SNL skit of herself.

[Blondie]

I still don't understand why Brandi is not in jail for assault, child endangerment or abuse, animal endangerment, DUI, drub abuse (with prescription drugs).  Yes I said child endangerment or abuse.  You, as a single parent, can't be drunk or high around your children all the time without some kind of accountability.

Kim deserves everything she gets.  If she is still alive in 10 years I will be shocked and amazed

[njbchlover]

I think we're going to be in the minority with our opinion of "the slap."  It was a really bad joke.  Brandi wanted LisaV to slap her first (Why? I don't know).  The promo made it seem like it was done in anger.  It wasn't. Was it wrong?  Yes.  Was it stupid?  Yes.  Was it funny?  No.........Brandi just does not know how to behave even when she's trying to be funny.

 

I, too, think that in Brandi's twisted mind, the slap was meant as a joke, however, this is exactly what the other women were trying to tell her - she takes things too far!!  

 

Brandi doesn't know when to give up or stop.  The situation with slapping Lisa was the same type of situation as with Eileen.  Eileen kept telling Brandi that she didn't want to "play soap opera", and Brandi didn't listen and threw the wine.

 

Brandi wanted Lisa to hit for (for whatever stupid reason....), and Lisa kept saying "no" and so, Brandi slapped her.  

 

Brandi is an ass.....

[parisprincess]

Why in the hell was Brandi trying to kiss LisaV when it was obvious that Lisa wanted her to back off?   And I didn't know it was O.K. to slap someone across the face as long as you give them permission to slap you too. If that's Brandi's idea of being playful for funny, she's even more fucked up than I thought.  Why she thinks its O.K. to throw drinks in people's faces, grab and try to kiss them, or slap their face is beyond me.  LisaV was right, that was crossing the line big time and there was absolutely nothing funny about it.  The bitch needs to keep her hands to herself.

[ScoobieDoobs]

Brandi just does not know how to behave even when she's trying to be funny.

 

 

The main thing is she didn't slap Lisa with an intent to cause harm.  And that's it.  And as far as the show goes, Lisa & Brandi are peers, so I still see no harm done.  Altho I can see why Lisa felt disrespected.  I know I would feel the same way.  But there's nothing here to think much about, let alone tell people about & rehash a zillion times.  

 

Now, if Brandi slapped an authority figure -- or a production person -- even if she was just kidding around?  She could get herself into a shitload of hot water.  Just to give a sorta related example, Patti Stanger slapped a production person on her show a few years ago & Millionaire Matchmaker was pulled off the air for over a year & almost didn't return.

 

To say Brandi makes horrible, horrible choices & always behaves like an idiot would be an understatement, to say the least.  

 

This reminds me of something that happened at Conde Nast maybe 10 years ago, where a publisher butted the heads of 2 salespeople who worked for him -- all while being "playful".  Well, one of the salespeople broke her nose due to this.  Oh, sure enough, there was big trouble there, but Conde settled things out privately by apparently generously paying off the woman with the broken nose & moving the publisher to another job, before eventually pushing him out of the company.  

 

Anyhoo, if Brandi had harmed Lisa with her "playful/just-kidding" slap, she'd be in big fuckin' trouble.  The woman makes such dumb fuckin' choices.  I'm a believer that eventually you pay for bad choices & there are always consequences for horrible behavior.  Basically, Brandi seems really miserable, so there is that.

Edited March 11, 2015 by ScoobieDoobs

[njbchlover]

I wish all of the 'ladies' would have said something nice to Brandi like this...

You really know how to polish off a bottle!

Your hair extensions barely look like they're hanging on by their last threads tonight!

You're tall!

I can't even smell the skank on you tonight!

You haven't fallen down yet tonight!

You have boobs!

The end. Fuck off.

 

It is so nice to NOT see your tampon string tonight!!  

[ryebread]

Yolanda sitting there eating her dinner alone nearly broke my damn heart. That would be the last time I'd go anywhere with that boat full of stupid. Every one of them had moments of showing their asses this episode.   A nice vacation wasted on a bunch of dolts. 

 

I'll be really surprised if Yolanda comes back next season. 

[Superwoman11]

I felt that Brandi went into the bathroom during the "say something nice" game, to pop a pill. She looked drunk when she walked in but then she appeared really out of it when she came out and during the slapping incident. She is one screwed up individual.

[Blondie]

I felt that Brandi went into the bathroom during the "say something nice" game, to pop a pill. She looked drunk when she walked in but then she appeared really out of it when she came out and during the slapping incident. She is one screwed up individual.

She probably took more Xanax.

[venusnv80]

The main thing is she didn't slap Lisa with an intent to cause harm.  And that's it.  And as far as the show goes, Lisa & Brandi are peers, so I still see no harm done.  Altho I can see why Lisa felt disrespected.  I know I would feel the same way.  But there's nothing here to think much about, let alone tell people about & rehash a zillion times.  Now, if she did this to an authority figure -- or a production person?  She could get herself into a shitload of hot water.  Just to give a sorta related example, Patti Stanger slapped a production person on her show a few years ago & Millionaire Matchmaker was pulled off the air for over a year & almost didn't return.

 

To say Brandi makes horrible, horrible choices & always behaves like an idiot would be an understatement, to say the least.

I have to disagree. If I tell you I don't want to kiss you and you won't let me move until I do, THEN you tell me to slap you and then you continuously prod me and then you actually slap me...that's a HUGE problem. Lisa and Brandi are not friends anymore. Lisa has made it clear that she basically tolerates Brandi at most. That was a horrible gesture on Brandi's part. Also, I don't go around slapping my friends in the face period.  Also, who determines the harm--the slapper or the slappee, I'm going  with the slappee. 

[announcergirl]

Boy if Brandi had slapped NeNe or Sheree, oooh no Marlo like she did Lisa V. Whew! This serious would be ova hunty!! That bitch is cray and I don't even talk like this in real life!!!! Is she that stupid for real?!
 

[The Mighty Peanut]

I didn't like anyone tonight with the exception of Yolanda so I'm just going to go with the positivity theme and say Kyle looked absolutely stunning at that dinner.

[SwordQueen]

Putting your hands on someone, no matter the intent, is not OK unless they give you express permission to do so. 

 

Everything Brandi does is just "a joke".  Unless it's not. 

[Blondie]

I have to disagree. If I tell you I don't want to kiss you and you won't let me move until I do, THEN you tell me to slap you and then you continuously prod me and then you actually slap me...that's a HUGE problem. Lisa and Brandi are not friends anymore. Lisa has made it clear that she basically tolerates Brandi at most. That was a horrible gesture on Brandi's part. Also, I don't go around slapping my friends in the face period.  Also, who determines the harm--the slapper or the slappee, I'm going  with the slappee. 

Love this and agree.

It was assault pure and simple.  First grabbing LisaV and trying to force her to kiss, then slapping???  Security, please escort this hag off the boat and to the nearest law enforcement.

[SwordQueen]

Brandi is just a nasty mess of a drunk.  I mean bitch can't hold her liquor or her pills.  It's sad, on so, so many levels. 

[Trooper York]

What you think if it was a man that did that?

[Jack Terrier]

I wish all of the 'ladies' would have said something nice to Brandi like this...

You really know how to polish off a bottle!

Your hair extensions barely look like they're hanging on by their last threads tonight!

You're tall!

I can't even smell the skank on you tonight!

You haven't fallen down yet tonight!

You have boobs!

The end. Fuck off.

Lmao! Why can't any of these bitches think on their feet?

How about:

I just can't imagine why Eddie left you!

Or:

I'm so glad you tucked in your tampon string tonight with those shorts!

[GreatKazu]

 

Oh man, I really hope they're not gonna be rehashing that stupid fuckin' bullshit slap 800 bazillion times.  Brandi is an idiot & she was being stupid/silly & NOT her usual mean self.  End of story.  This is what you've been teasing us with, Satan Andy?  Big huge enormous fail.  Move the fuck on. please.

You mean the same way Brandi went on and on about that stab wound she received from Kyle on Poker Night?

 

 

No one has ever told Brandi that she's a mean drunk?  PROOF POSITIVE that Brandi has never lurked or posted here or on TWOP.

Brandi is twisting things. She is saying no one has TOLD her, but she has likely read all about her mean, drunk behavior. :-)

[parisprincess]

The main thing is she didn't slap Lisa with an intent to cause harm.  And that's it.  And as far as the show goes, Lisa & Brandi are peers, so I still see no harm done.

 

I have to disagree. If I tell you I don't want to kiss you and you won't let me move until I do, THEN you tell me to slap you and then you continuously prod me and then you actually slap me...that's a HUGE problem. Lisa and Brandi are not friends anymore. Lisa has made it clear that she basically tolerates Brandi at most. That was a horrible gesture on Brandi's part. Also, I don't go around slapping my friends in the face period.  Also, who determines the harm--the slapper or the slappee, I'm going  with the slappee.

 

I'm with you, venusnv80.  If I don't want someone forcing themselves on me, slapping me, or even getting in my space, and they're aware of it and do it anyway, then there IS harm done.  Not respecting my boundries is not funny, playful or cute.  I taught my kids when they were small that you do NOT put your hands on another person.  Brandi obviously doesn't feel like the rules apply to her for any type of behavior.  God, I hope she is given the heave-ho when this season is done airing!  

[Cranky One]

Isn't this the 2nd time Brandi tried to force LVP to kiss her This season?

[ottergirl]

If she weren't such a horrible person, the boat scene would have made me feel bad for Brandi because she's so clearly, deeply damaged.  I think the "say something nice" game unraveled for her completely because very specific people were very kind to Kyle.

 

Lisa VP said Kyle was her best friend, "her girl."  We know from the very beginning Brandi has wanted Lisa VP for herself (her first line in Season 3, after she had estranged Lisa VP and Kyle by lying about the reunion gangup, was "I'm closest to Lisa of anyone right now and I'm a racer, I want to win.")  But Brandi had to sit on the boat, ostracized from Lisa, and listen to Lisa declare her love for Kyle.

 

Yolanda - the one who is supposed to love Brandi the bestest - spoke warmly about her increasing friendship with Kyle, her new respect for Kyle, and how she hoped it continued.

 

And even Kim - who Brandi was so desperate to turn against her sister - used the chance to broach a tentative reunion, and it ended in a hug, which seemed to cause Brandi physical pain.

 

We've spoken before about Brandi's strange obsessive hatred for Kyle.  I think she sat there and watched that game being played, watched the love Kyle got from the people Brandi wanted for herself, and Brandi simply melted down.  I think she left the table because in a moment of clarity she realized that no one (except maybe Kim) would really have a sincere nice thing to say to her.  
 

Like I said.  I would have felt bad for her if she didn't deserve every bit of it.

[Pete Martell]

Yolanda sitting there eating her dinner alone nearly broke my damn heart. That would be the last time I'd go anywhere with that boat full of stupid. Every one of them had moments of showing their asses this episode.   A nice vacation wasted on a bunch of dolts. 

 

I'll be really surprised if Yolanda comes back next season. 

 

All I keep wondering is that these women were pretty much exactly the same last season as they are now - if she doesn't come back I'd put it down more to her trying to play the game, and being badly burnt in the process (especially by Brandi), than her being morally above them.

[njbchlover]

Well, at least we all know that Brandi made it through the 20 day cleanse and came out drinking AND swinging....

 

I was liking kind of liking Lisa R up until the canal cruise dinner.  She really is a people pleaser - she didn't have to go all sweetness and light and blow sunshine up Kim's ass....she could have just said that she admired Kim's something or other.....

[venusnv80]

Isn't this the 2nd time Brandi tried to force LVP to kiss her This season?

Yes, besides all of the other nasty comments re: eating certain things. 

[ScoobieDoobs]

I have to disagree. If I tell you I don't want to kiss you and you won't let me move until I do, THEN you tell me to slap you and then you continuously prod me and then you actually slap me...that's a HUGE problem. Lisa and Brandi are not friends anymore. Lisa has made it clear that she basically tolerates Brandi at most. That was a horrible gesture on Brandi's part. Also, I don't go around slapping my friends in the face period.  Also, who determines the harm--the slapper or the slappee, I'm going  with the slappee.

 

 

I think you're right.  And while I didn't think the slap was a big deal.  Lisa clearly felt very, very uncomfortable about it right after.  And if this was at the workplace, which it was (OK, it was on a trip, but obviously a work-related trip), then Lisa has every right to speak up about it & take it before bosses & Brandi would very likely be facing some sort of punishment.  I work for a very large company & this behavior could absolutely be grounds for firing.  Bad choices, Brandi.  Bad, bad, bad choices.  I fear for those kids of hers.

Edited March 11, 2015 by ScoobieDoobs

[mbaywife123]

Yolanda going off to eat by herself was both wonderful and sad at the same time.

[missy jo]

Team Eileen 4Evah! I'm with her - I can't have a giant altercation like that and then pretend everything is OK the next day. That's some Twilight Zone shit.

 

I think Lisa R was both 1) given a talking-to by production, and 2) shell-shocked, as she said to Eileen.

 

Well, I kept track tonight and KIM herself brought up her (NOT)sobriety at the dinner! Eileen was talking to Brandi about the alcohol thing and Kim interjects something about "me taking a medication at your house." I thought we weren't talking about it, Kim! Her emotions are a rollercoaster to keep track of: From rage to happy to a sobbing mess in the space of 24 hours.

 

Also, when Brandi is pointing out the supposed gossip on everyone, she says to Lisa R, "you not eating." There's definitely some eating disorder rumors going around.

 

I had a lot of sympathy for Yolanda because I have a chronic illness and it sucks to wake up and all-of-a-sudden not to be able to move. I'm sure she didn't want to miss the last day of showing everyone around the city. I'm also glad she got up and went to eat. The dinner looked delicious, and it was a crime for those women to not pay attention to the canal ride. It's a beautiful view at night.

 

ETA Re: "The Slap" - Not the worst thing that's happened on this trip, but not OK either. She was straight-up manhandling Lisa with her man hands!

 

PS Props to Lisa V and Kyle for going to the pannekoeken huis! A true Dutch experience!

Edited March 11, 2015 by missy jo

[dizzyd]

I like Lisa R and Eileen's blogs and I like their friendship and respect for each other.  Hope this show doesn't mess that up like it has done to other relationships.  I know its been said many times before that we wish Kim and Brandi would be fired.  Honestly, I don't know how Kim wasn't after season 2 when she couldn't keep up her appearances and was a total train wreck compared to her behavior this season.  Maybe they should be replaced by Denise Richards and Lance Bass.

[venusnv80]

Oh yeah I peeped the whole 'You not eating' comment coupled with Kim telling her to eat bread last week and that is why I think Brandi and Kim are just some nasty women. 

 

But Eileen's smackdown of Brandi regarding the home wrecker comment was great. 

 

The more I watch Brandi, the more I'm convinced that she has a social disorder. 

[SwordQueen]

Lisa VP said Kyle was her best friend, "her girl."  We know from the very beginning Brandi has wanted Lisa VP for herself (her first line in Season 3, after she had estranged Lisa VP and Kyle by lying about the reunion gangup, was "I'm closest to Lisa of anyone right now and I'm a racer, I want to win.")  But Brandi had to sit on the boat, ostracized from Lisa, and listen to Lisa declare her love for Kyle.

 

 

Brandi is getting pretty desperate to be both physically and sexually accosting Lisa V.   She's becoming creepy as fuck.  Like bunny boiling, single white female creepy. 

[CaughtOnTape]

Regardless of whether or not Brandi meant the slap as a joke, she was told no by Lisa several times before she did it.  Lisa was trying to get by her and she was blocking her way, much like she did to Kyle on poker night.  Brandi uses her size as an intimidation factor.  She's a bully.  If I were Lisa, I would shout that shit from the rooftops.  Bitch slapped her.  I'll hash it and rehash it until I feel vindicated about it or I get an apology, which won't happen because this is Brandi we're talking about.  

If Brandi were a man and had done that, there would be NO question that what she did was wrong regardless of her intentions.  I see no reason why she should be absolved because she's female.

 

No means no, not just in cases of rape.

[GreatKazu]

 

Yolanda sitting there eating her dinner alone nearly broke my damn heart. That would be the last time I'd go anywhere with that boat full of stupid.

It isn't as if YoFo has no clue how Brandi is. Afterall, Brandi behaved just as disgusting, if not worse, at YoFo's dinner party where Brandi slammed Joyce and Michael left and right. YoFo allowed that shit to happen and did not do a damn thing to stop it. So, why should YoFo be surprised? If she allowed Brandi to behave like a fucking jackass in her home, why would Brandi behave on a boat in Amsterdam?

[mbaywife123]

Dumb Dumb will now claim that she slapped LisaV because Lisa's hat was too agressive to her.

[Trooper York]

If Brandi was a man she would have been arrested. Rightfully so in my opinion.

[SistaLadybug]

If I had been Lisa V, I would have smacked Brandi right back and put the force of all my weight behind it.  Brought tears to that bitch's eyes.  And then laughed uproariously, because we were just joking and having a grand old time.

[parisprincess]

I love that LisaV and Kyle are finding their way back to each other.  Their friendship was one of the things I enjoyed the most because they always had so much fun together. 

 

I think Brandi looked like shit on the boat.  Her hair, her makeup, her outfit.......all badly done.

 

I love, love, love Eileen Davidson!  The woman certainly knows how to handle herself and didn't lose her cool no matter how much crap Brandi and Kim came up with. I watch Days of our Lives whenever she appears as the evil Kristen DeMira.  She's not on right now, but I'm hoping she returns because she plays the part so well.

 

I can't wait for next week.  I'm going to have my popcorn and favorite wine ready while I enjoy watching Kim lose her shit. 

[ScoobieDoobs]

I'm with you, venusnv80.  If I don't want someone forcing themselves on me, slapping me, or even getting in my space, and they're aware of it and do it anyway, then there IS harm done.  Not respecting my boundries is not funny, playful or cute.  I taught my kids when they were small that you do NOT put your hands on another person.  Brandi obviously doesn't feel like the rules apply to her for any type of behavior.  God, I hope she is given the heave-ho when this season is done airing!

 

 

The thing is, if this happens on your own personal time -- unless there is some obviously threatening behavior involved, there's not much you can do about it really, except hopefully avoiding the offending person.  BUT if this happens while you're working, that's a whole other ballgame.  Then there's a lot you can do.  And what I sometimes forget is (and I have to admit, I did, for a second, forget) these women are all working here -- even Kim the junkie.  So basically idiot Brandi slapped Lisa while on the Bravo paycheck.  Hmmmm.  Call the lawyers, pronto!

Edited March 11, 2015 by ScoobieDoobs

[ryebread]

Yolanda sitting there eating her dinner alone nearly broke my damn heart. That would be the last time I'd go anywhere with that boat full of stupid. Every one of them had moments of showing their asses this episode.   A nice vacation wasted on a bunch of dolts.

 

I'll be really surprised if Yolanda comes back next season.

 

All I keep wondering is that these women were pretty much exactly the same last season as they are now - if she doesn't come back I'd put it down more to her trying to play the game, and being badly burnt in the process (especially by Brandi), than her being morally above them.

 

I wasn't really thinking about her morals.  The reason I don't think she'll be back is because she's sick.  And very, very rich.  She doesn't need this bullshit. She needs to change her phone number and leave no forwarding address when they finally unload the lemon palace. 

 

Tonight I think we watched her make up her mind to quit this train wreck.