Pet Peeves: Aka Things That Make You Go "Gah!"

[PRgal]

8 hours ago, backformore said:

The only thing I never liked is that my husband's family addressed grandparents by the Polish names for Grandma and Grandpa.   The had all been in this country more than   a few generations, none had ever been to Poland, and none of them had any clue how to SPELL those crazy names. so - 5 generations, (hubby's grandparents,  parents, him and his siblings, their kids, and now THEIR kids) none of whom speak Polish, want to use the polish names for grandparents.   I guess I didn't care for it because being of part-Polish ancestry is such a small part of our identity.   Because it's my husband's family, I said I'd go along with it if he wanted, but thankfully, he wanted my kids to call his parents Grandpa and grandma.   (or, in one kid's case, Gumma and Gumpa)

People like holding on to parts of their heritage.  Using the Polish word for "grandma" might be the only thing they have left.  If I ever have grandchildren, I expect to be addressed as "poh poh" or "mah mah" (Cantonese for maternal and paternal grandmother respectively) even though I can't read/write Chinese. 

[AuntieL]

Sometimes it's just what feel right. I'm aunt to my nieces and nephew and those of my friends kids that I've known since they were little. (Hence "auntieL"). But because my sisters are much younger than me, and closer in age to the kids those same nieces and nephews (our brother's kids) call them by their first names.  My best friends daughter, K, always called me "AuntL" which was confusing to her because her actual aunts name is similar to mine and she thought it was strange that her grandmother named 2 daughters almost the same name. That took some explaining. My nephew would not call that same friend "Aunt J" because she wasn't his aunt. He's a very literal kid.  He just ended up calling her "K's mom". 

[Quof]

I just spend over an hour clearing the 12+ inches of snow we got last night.  Showered and back into pjs, hoping to kick the last of the illness that I've had since Christmas. So I'm flipping through the channels, and finding some Sunday afternoon "old" movies.    "Footloose" is on.  Except it's not "Footloose", it's that horrible remake.  On another channel, it's "Fame". Except it's not, it's that horrible remake.   And now they're planning a remake of "Dirty Dancing."  That's my pet peeve today - stop messing with fabulous, original movies and pretending they're the same.  Because they're not.  Make some new damned movies.

So I'm watching (the one and only) "When Harry Met Sally" on DVD. Because there's never a time what that isn't appropriate.

[theredhead77]

Growing up two of my mom's close friends were Aunt [name] but her best friend was just [first name]. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I asked how these "Aunts" were related to us since my dad is an only child and my mom has one brother.  My friends parents were Mr. or Mrs [last name] / [last initial] or "[friends] mom".

When one of my cousins was little and I was in my 20s her mom insisted that she call me Cousin [name]. My parents are Aunt and Uncle but I wanted nothing to do with the "Cousin" title. I don't call either of her parents Cousin [name].

My friends kids can call me whatever their parents are comfortable with but I would prefer to not be "Aunt".

[PRgal]

27 minutes ago, Quof said:

I just spend over an hour clearing the 12+ inches of snow we got last night.  Showered and back into pjs, hoping to kick the last of the illness that I've had since Christmas. So I'm flipping through the channels, and finding some Sunday afternoon "old" movies.    "Footloose" is on.  Except it's not "Footloose", it's that horrible remake.  On another channel, it's "Fame". Except it's not, it's that horrible remake.   And now they're planning a remake of "Dirty Dancing."  That's my pet peeve today - stop messing with fabulous, original movies and pretending they're the same.  Because they're not.  Make some new damned movies.

So I'm watching (the one and only) "When Harry Met Sally" on DVD. Because there's never a time what that isn't appropriate.

 

Lifetime is airing a remake of Beaches.  And it's being marketed as a "Lifetime Original" (yeah, I posted about this somewhere else on the board).  #whatever

[auntlada]

26 minutes ago, PRgal said:

 

Lifetime is airing a remake of Beaches.  And it's being marketed as a "Lifetime Original" (yeah, I posted about this somewhere else on the board).  #whatever

I don't have a problem with Someone remaking Beaches, but I would prefer they make their own version from the book. This one may be that, but based on the commercials, it appears to be just like the one with Bette Midler, even down to the music. What's the point in that? The only thing it looks like they changed was to make one woman black. If they then didn't change other things, it's dumb.

[topanga]

18 hours ago, Maharincess said:

The only person who calls me Ms. is my primary care doctor and I keep asking her to call me by my first name. I just have the mindset that unless I'm a teacher I don't care if I'm called by my first name. I just don't see why it matters, as long as somebody is speaking nicely to me what do I care what name they call me?  It's my name, I don't care if somebody is 2 or 92, they can all call me by my name. I just think to insist somebody calls you Mrs it kind of says that they're beneath you in some way and aren't important enough to call you by your first name. I wouldn't do that to anybody, child or adult. 

Just my own stupid opinion. 

That's how I feel, too. But we're in the minority, I guess. I grew up in hippie-dippie Portland, Oregon in the '70s and '80s, and while I did call my grandmother's friends Mr. So and So or Miss So and So, my mom's hip friends all introduced themselves to me as Tera or Sandra or Elizabeth. So that's what I called them. My third grade teacher even introduced himself to the class as "Steve." And that's what we called him. But when I visited the school a few years later, times had changed, and he was now "Mr. Rosenfeld." 

And my husband grew up on the East Coast, where adults are always Mr. or Ms. So and So.  I always forget that when I'm introducing friends to our kids, but he quickly "corrects" me. Jerk. 

My pet peeve is when a peer or someone only a few years older than I am wants me to address them with a title. Lady, I am in my mid-40s. I am not going to call you Miss Jones. Your name is Ruth!!!!

[backformore]

5 hours ago, PRgal said:

People like holding on to parts of their heritage.  Using the Polish word for "grandma" might be the only thing they have left.  If I ever have grandchildren, I expect to be addressed as "poh poh" or "mah mah" (Cantonese for maternal and paternal grandmother respectively) even though I can't read/write Chinese. 

  I guess, for me, it's about choosing one piece of your heritage and celebrating it as if it's the only thing in your background.  after 5 generations, the Polish is mixed with Irish, German, English, Hispanic - it seems like a weird choice to me, to choose those names, instead of English names, especially when you're talking about grandparents who are many generations removed from coming from Poland,   and are completely Americanized.  (and only about half Polish themselves)

[backformore]

6 hours ago, Blergh said:

backformore and Maharincess,

 

 I totally agree! This also used to bug my late father when they'd talk to him like he was five years old (and my mother doesn't like it either but she was always more tactful than he about others' being patronizing). I know that they may LOOK like they're getting frail (and, yes I know that many like my parents HAVE gotten frail) but outward frailty doesn't mean that become total puddin' heads!  Well, I  guess I have a few decades to work up a repertoire -though the other day I actually GOT a senior discount at the movies. My relief in not paying full price overruled my pride in my actual age and appearance so I just had mixed emotions accepting it.

My dad, when he was in his 80's, had surgery and had to be in a re-hab center for physical therapy for a few weeks. ( He's an educated man, and smart as a whip, even today at 91.)   I went to visit him, and a  physical therapy aide came to get him for his session.  She spoke to him in this super-sweet tone of voice,  Like " Good MORNING, joe!  and how ARE we today?  are you ready for your therapy?"  My dad said to me, loud enough for her to hear "And apparently I'm in kindergarten today." 

[Quof]

Quote

The only thing I never liked is that my husband's family addressed grandparents by the Polish names for Grandma and Grandpa.

But who says Grandma and Grandpa are the "correct" term for English speaking North Americans?  My ancestors have been on this continent for generations, but no one was ever called Grandma and Grandpa. There are Grammies, and Grampies, and Nannies, and Poppies, and Nanas, and Papas..... 

[TattleTeeny]

Sort of related to the topic of what kids should call adults...the other night for no reason, I texted my dad to ask him what he'd want me to call him should he ever get gender reassignment surgery (he has no plans for this, just to be clear). My vote was for "Dad," same as always, regardless of ridiculous hypotheticals. His was for "Hello Kitty."

[theredhead77]

2 hours ago, Quof said:

But who says Grandma and Grandpa are the "correct" term for English speaking North Americans?  My ancestors have been on this continent for generations, but no one was ever called Grandma and Grandpa. There are Grammies, and Grampies, and Nannies, and Poppies, and Nanas, and Papas..... 

Exactly. I had no grandmas or grandpas. I had Nana, Zaida (mom's parents) and Gramps (dad's dad). I also refer to my best freinds grandma (and when he was living, grandpa) by their "titles" which were not grandma or grandpa. Mr. / Mrs. [last name] was too formal but I wasn't comfortable calling them by their first name. What's weird is some of my friends (late 30s / early 40s) are grandparents!

[annzeepark914]

Re grandparent names:  When my stepdaughter had her baby, I did a little research.  The thing that stood out was the warning to select the name you want to be called and not what the child creates or else "you run the risk of being called Old Buckethead" or something like that.  So I researched names for grandma in different languages.  I'm Swedish-American heritage but I knew I couldn't ask to be called Mormor (mother's mother) as my stepdaughter's mom would be that (she chose Grammy).  So I picked the Italian name: Nonna.  Easy for my grandson to say. His paternal grandmother is called grandma.

[Maharincess]

I only had one (mean) grandparent and I don't even remember what I called her because she wasn't interested enough in a relationship with me for that to even come up. Damn she was a mean old woman.  When I speak about her I just call her my grandmother.  I have nothing against grandparents being called whatever they choose, I just like being plain old grandma. 

My kids and I called my dad Old Fart so Old Buckethead would have been fine in my family. Way back when my kids were young my son's best friend lived next to us, he was from the Phillipines and called his grandpa LoLo so we all called him LoLo too. My son's girlfriend is from the Phillipines, when they have kids I'm not sure what they'll call me but I'll be fine with whatever it is.  If his girlfriend wants me to be called Lola or grandma I'm fine either way. 

[riley702]

5 hours ago, TattleTeeny said:

Sort of related to the topic of what kids should call adults...the other night for no reason, I texted my dad to ask him what he'd want me to call him should he ever get gender reassignment surgery (he has no plans for this, just to be clear). My vote was for "Dad," same as always, regardless of ridiculous hypotheticals. His was for "Hello Kitty."

Your Dad sounds like a lot of fun!

[TattleTeeny]

He is...in a half-lunatic kind of way! Just typing that made me laugh because about 100 little quirks of his came immediately to mind, one of which is his method of making ramen noodles: he puts the package in a small plastic supermarket bag, which he grabs by the handles, and then...

proceeds to violently swing and smash into the countertop!

OHHHHH, I just somehow deleted a big old peeve about stupid Minion memes on Facebook! And commenters of the obvious. Bah, I don't feel like retyping it all!

Edited January 9, 2017 by TattleTeeny

[topanga]

2 hours ago, TattleTeeny said:

OHHHHH, I just somehow deleted a big old peeve about stupid Minion memes on Facebook! And commenters of the obvious. Bah, I don't feel like retyping it all!

Yeah, I hate when one of my posts disappears. It's usually my own fault, but I still get mad at PreviouslyTV. Speaking of memes, I'm sick of the dueling Kermits/dueling Miss Piggy memes that people keep personalizing and posting. The first hundred or so were funny, but now they don't even make me chuckle. Just give up the ghost. This meme's 15 minutes of fame are over. 

Today's pet peeve: people who feel the need to tell you whether or not a gift is perfect for them. I'm not talking about a gift recipient asking if they can return or exchange a gift because it doesn't fit or they don't like it. I'm fine with that, which is why I include gift receipts. Here's what I mean: 

My next door neighbor is essentially homeless. Meaning, the house he lives in belongs to him and his siblings, but for some reason, and I choose not to learn the details, the siblings don't want him to live there. They plan to fix up and sell the house. So there's no electricity or running water in the house, and he doesn't have an income to turn them on himself. But he still lives there, in a cold, dark house with no running water or flushing toilets. It's possible that he's mentally ill, but whenever I talk to him, he's very lucid and intelligent. Again, I don't want to know details.

Anyway, because it's been 10 degrees outside for a few days. I gave him a big bag of those instant foot warmers that turn hot when you shake them. I was in a sporting goods store getting similar hand warmers for my son. When I gave them to the neighbor, he goes, "Thanks, but my feet are usually okay." ???!!!!  I told him he could use them for his hands if he wanted. Or shove them up his ass for all I care. (I didn't say that last part).  But why do people feel the need to comment on a gift you give them? Just say thanks and move on.  Or tell me you want to return it. Maybe he was embarrassed or slightly angry that I was treating him like a charity case. But dude, you live in a non-functional house and could die of exposure. You are somewhat of a charity case. 

[JTMacc99]

Ugh. I know of one particularly bad gift receiver. It makes you not want to try. She also doesn't take compliments very well, somehow turning them into criticism that wasn't even vaguely implied, so it's probably a whole thing that needs to be worked out in therapy. 

It's probably best not to just assume it's on them and not let it get to us. (Easier said than done.)

My thing right now is working on my kids to understand this point. It doesn't seem as though being gracious is something you are born with, so I'm doing my best to train them.

[TattleTeeny]

Part of me wants people to let me know if they're not interested in a gift so that I don't perpetuate the cycle for years to come (but if they let me know in the wrong kind of way, there will be no future cycle to worry about, haha!). I have this issue with my BF sometimes; I'm a pretty astute gift-picker and he likes the gifts in theory but then he forgets to use them or realizes that something could be better about it in a utilitarian sense or that he can't use it the way he'd hoped. I just wish he'd tell me so that I could return it and get him something he can use--especially because I will spend a lot if I think that makes a difference in quality.

Honestly, I've taken to wrapping people's presents with the receipt. I don't even care--tell me you dislike it or don't; it's your problem now!

Edited January 9, 2017 by TattleTeeny

[annzeepark914]

Speaking of Xmas gifts:  At what age is it no longer appropriate for a kid to be searching under people's trees for gifts with his name on them? or running up to relatives and asking if they have a gift for him?  I'm not a mom so I'm not up on this stuff.

[auntlada]

1 minute ago, annzeepark914 said:

Speaking of Xmas gifts:  At what age is it no longer appropriate for a kid to be searching under people's trees for gifts with his name on them? or running up to relatives and asking if they have a gift for him?  I'm not a mom so I'm not up on this stuff.

My son is 5, and I believe I told him a couple of years ago not to ask people for presents. I told him this year to quit messing with the presents under his grandparents's trees. (Ours is OK to mess with. It's just the hree of us. Also it was amusing to hear him worry because he only had one present wrapped and under the tree. The others were too big, shipped elsewhere or from Santa.)

The tree thing was never a bother before this year. I don't think it occurred to him to look before.

I think that as soon as they can move and talk, it's time to teach them not to ask other people if they have a gift for them.

[PRgal]

On 2017-01-08 at 2:25 PM, auntlada said:

I don't have a problem with Someone remaking Beaches, but I would prefer they make their own version from the book. This one may be that, but based on the commercials, it appears to be just like the one with Bette Midler, even down to the music. What's the point in that? The only thing it looks like they changed was to make one woman black. If they then didn't change other things, it's dumb.

I think it's an almost scene-by-scene remake of the Bette Midler one (judging from the trailer), save for a period shift.  Sorry, but that's not an original.  Lifetime needs to stop calling it that. 

Edited January 9, 2017 by PRgal

[backformore]

On ‎1‎/‎8‎/‎2017 at 4:41 AM, Maharincess said:

I hate that too and I hate when a cashier asks an obviously older person for their ID or calls them " young lady". I don't know why but it really rubs me the wrong way.  I'm going to have to think of a good smart ass comrbak for when I'm elderly in case I get that. 

I couldn't let this pass.   In our town, a number of small dishonest liquor stores popped up, and it became well-known that they would sell to anyone, no matter what age. The stores were those tiny convenience stores that sell over-priced beer and cigarettes, snacks, and not much else.  It became a problem because people from nearby towns would congregate around the stores, fights would break out, and crime went up, along with auto accidents. 

  The police kept arresting the store owners for selling to kids, even setting up sting operations, but  the store owners  kept getting the charges dismissed because they said they  couldn't tell if people looked over 21 or not.  So the town passed a law that EVERYONE buying alcohol needs to show ID to prove their age.   (I think the state law is that you show ID of you look under 30)  So yeah, even my dad (age 91)  has to prove he's old enough to drink if he buys beer in my town. 

It's a pain, but it worked.  the fly-by-night liquor stores have closed. 

[3pwood]

A couple of stores here require that their clerks ask everyone buying alcohol to show ID.  It seems silly at first, but it serves to protect the clerk (& the store) from having to exercise judgment & risk being wrong.  One of the stores is near a college & many customers are students -- I'm sure I couldn't tell the difference between a 20 year old & a 21 year old, so I agree that it makes sense to eliminate that issue.  

[DeLurker]

As a parent, I am glad they check everyone's ID for alcohol purchases, but teenage DeLurker thanks Dog for Romance's Drive-thru  and their very lax policy for checking IDs. 

[TattleTeeny]

Quote

Speaking of Xmas gifts:  At what age is it no longer appropriate for a kid to be searching under people's trees for gifts with his name on them? or running up to relatives and asking if they have a gift for him?  I'm not a mom so I'm not up on this stuff.

My uncle, who's only 10 years older than I am (I'm 45), still buys all the nieces and nephews presents. I never know what it's gonna be, or if my other uncles will follow suit, so I keep a bag full of Amazon gift cards with me at family Xmas gatherings.

Regarding IDs for booze, I hate the signs that say that everyone who looks 26 or under will be carded! Who deems who looks what age? And the age we've all agreed on is 21. Either card everyone or don't--what is this arbitrary 26?!

Edited January 10, 2017 by TattleTeeny

[3pwood]

41 minutes ago, stewedsquash said:

Off topic: @3pwood  All this time, seeing you in different threads, I finally hoovered over your avatar and I see that nope, it is not a really tall and full apple pie, spilling over the edges of the crust. Huh. ... 

No, it's a yellow pacman frog.  I love reptiles (but not to eat).

[Maharincess]

Four times today on this site I've seen people spell lose, loose.  Why is lose so hard for some people to spell??  It's only four letters.  I was on Facebook last night and a woman was being horrible to anybody who didn't agree with her, calling people names and insulting them. I usually don't correct people but when she called somebody a "looser", I told her she didn't spell it correctly.  She tried to convince everyone that that's how loser is spelled in some parts of the country.   I've also seen people write "publically" instead of publicly a few times here today.  

I also need to say how very very much I miss words. I hate all of the stupid acronyms and initials so much.  It's not like they save time.  When somebody writes "DS" instead of son, how much time are they saving?   Kids today are going to grow up to be horrible spellers. 

[theredhead77]

3 hours ago, backformore said:

So the town passed a law that EVERYONE buying alcohol needs to show ID to prove their age.   (I think the state law is that you show ID of you look under 30) 

 

2 hours ago, 3pwood said:

A couple of stores here require that their clerks ask everyone buying alcohol to show ID.  It seems silly at first, but it serves to protect the clerk (& the store) from having to exercise judgment & risk being wrong.  One of the stores is near a college & many customers are students -- I'm sure I couldn't tell the difference between a 20 year old & a 21 year old, so I agree that it makes sense to eliminate that issue.  

When I worked retail our policy was anyone who looked under 30 but we were empowered (amazing in retail) to card anyone we weren't comfortable with. It also eliminated the having to card people who were obviously old enough to drink. The store also had the policy that once we asked ID had to be produced.

A couple years ago I had a bunch of things in my cart, including a case of water and a case Coors Light. Typically I put my ID with the alcohol so they can scan it while I'm unloading. I forgot I had the beer and when the cashier asked for my ID I was seriously confused, stating it was just water (referring to the case of water)? She laughed and said Coors Light is still beer. That was a good chuckle.

My old ID went through the washer and drier and was a bit warped. I do not look 21 but on two occasions I was refused because they said my ID looked fake. That was annoying.

These days I'll show my ID if asked. I don't think it's a compliment or act flattered, I figure it's policy and the person is doing their job. A bar I frequent and can walk into without issue most nights will randomly ask for my ID. I figure something happened and show my ID.

[Maharincess]

4 hours ago, backformore said:

I couldn't let this pass.   In our town, a number of small dishonest liquor stores popped up, and it became well-known that they would sell to anyone, no matter what age. The stores were those tiny convenience stores that sell over-priced beer and cigarettes, snacks, and not much else.  It became a problem because people from nearby towns would congregate around the stores, fights would break out, and crime went up, along with auto accidents. 

  The police kept arresting the store owners for selling to kids, even setting up sting operations, but  the store owners  kept getting the charges dismissed because they said they  couldn't tell if people looked over 21 or not.  So the town passed a law that EVERYONE buying alcohol needs to show ID to prove their age.   (I think the state law is that you show ID of you look under 30)  So yeah, even my dad (age 91)  has to prove he's old enough to drink if he buys beer in my town. 

It's a pain, but it worked.  the fly-by-night liquor stores have closed. 

That's not at all what I meant.  An example, on Christmas my son and I went to the store on the way to my daughter's house. He wanted a soda and I needed a pack of cigarettes.  My son insisted on paying, the cashier asked my son if he was buying the cigarettes for me, then the cashier asked my 30 year old son if he was sure his mom was over 18 then laughed like he'd just said the funniest thing ever. I hate that shit.  The cashiers seem to think it's funny but I find it condescending. 

Edited January 10, 2017 by Maharincess

[bilgistic]

I see red when kids today write "AF" or worse, "af", for "as fuck", as in, "It's cold af." If you're going to get in trouble for saying the words in the actual phrase, don't use the stupid abbreviation.

[auntlada]

28 minutes ago, bilgistic said:

I see red when kids today write "AF" or worse, "af", for "as fuck", as in, "It's cold af." If you're going to get in trouble for saying the words in the actual phrase, don't use the stupid abbreviation.

It's not the same thing, but reminds me of another peeve. When I worked at a newspaper, which is full of people making off-color jokes of all kinds, men would occasionally start to tell a joke and then stop when they saw me. They'd invariably say that they couldn't tell the joke or make a particular comment around me, either because I was a woman (usually) or because I seemed like considerably more polite company. I always told them that if they couldn't say it around me, it was inappropriate for work. (Come to think of it, I probably was more polite company.)

[Sun-Bun]

Speaking of the pet-peeve a page back about addressing someone as "Doctor" when necessary, it reminded me of how annoyed I get about the "Ms. versus Mrs." and last names debate many of my fellow females endure. My pet peeve has always been the tradition of Western women feeling forced into changing their last names when they get married.

I've always felt like it's a wife's choice and very archaic to automatically expect a woman to change her last name once she marries a man, unless children are involved((no kid should ever be saddled with two last names just because his/her parents were being "progressive")).

Not to mention there's all the paperwork and time/money/effort necessary to change that last name, from ID's to banking accounts and credit cards....what a hassle!!

 I let my husband know early on that I was keeping my name and he was totally cool with that. I got married at 34, wasn't planning on having children and I love my last name, so why would I change it?

Cue the endless questions from family/friends why I didn't change my last name. Cue the endless mail and invites addressed either under us both with his last name or my last name. Cue Facebook friends/former classmates messaging me while mistakenly assuming I'm still single just because I don't have a bajillion extra last names on my profile and not all my profile pics are couple shots with my husband. If I dare add a Mrs. to my own last name just to enjoy a wifely status, then I get questioned about why I'm using it period....I even had some bitchy acquaintance claim I was "disrespecting my husband" by not "claiming his family name".

Its just odd to me that's it's still formally expected that women should change their last names in marriage. Lots of other cultures don't expect this of wives, not even the Latin culture. Maybe I'd take such a tradition more seriously if men were willing to change *their* names after marriage. Why must it always be the female who changes her name just because "that's the way it's always been done"? Who says?!((never mind: probably a man))

[Bastet]

A newlywed husband wrote a great piece many, many moons ago (in a publication I can't recall, but it was reprinted in Utne Reader, which is where I saw it in the early '90s) on how difficult it was for him to change his last name to his wife's, versus how simple (sign here on marriage certificate) it would have been for her to change hers to his.  So little has changed, which is just ridiculous. 

A former co-worker - who had opted not to change her name (and I just love how it's A Thing when a woman keeps her last name upon getting married, but perfectly normal when a man does) - once received a piece of mail from her own uncle addressed to "Mrs. [Husband's Full Name]."  Heh; I can still picture the circle of WTFery going on in our office when she brought it in.  Like she said, even if she had changed her last name to her husband's, it still would have been stupid to address her as "Mrs. [His First Name and Last Name]," as if she was an appendage rather than a person.  But to do it when there was absolutely nothing in that name that applied to her - and it's not like they were newlyweds, and he was making a jokey/cute reference - was just a big ball of whatever.

[backformore]

3 hours ago, Maharincess said:

That's not at all what I meant.  An example, on Christmas my son and I went to the store on the way to my daughter's house. He wanted a soda and I needed a pack of cigarettes.  My son insisted on paying, the cashier asked my son if he was buying the cigarettes for me, then the cashier asked my 30 year old son if he was sure his mom was over 18 then laughed like he'd just said the funniest thing ever. I hate that shit.  The cashiers seem to think it's funny but I find it condescending. 

Oh, I know, and I agree with you.   It's like being called "young lady" when you're obviously not "young", or someone jokingly saying you couldn't possibly be someone's mother, you're obviously siblings, when that's clearly not the case.  When I've been out with my son,  I've had people jokingly ask if I'm my son's date.  Haha!    Excuse me if I'm not going to giggle shyly when you pretend to mistake me for someone in their 20's!  

[bilgistic]

Historically, women changed their surnames to their husbands' upon marriage because they were viewed as their husbands' property (not unlike how slaves were given their owners' surnames). You can imagine how I feel about that.

I changed my name 11 years ago. I finally got rid of my deadbeat father's last name and instead took my mother's maiden name. My mother's family was my heritage.

After filing the name-change paperwork, the petition was posted publicly(!!) at the courthouse for 30 days--I guess in case one is changing one's name to run from the law...? But were that the case, would one go through legal channels to change their name? I can't imagine a logical reason. My old name comes up alongside any searches for my new name.

There's a charge to file for the change, but I don't remember what it was--something to the tune of $50. I had to get a new driver's license and social security card, of course, but the weird thing was that I got a new short-form (computer printout) birth certificate, so it looks like I was not given my "birth father's" last name when I was born. Don't I wish.

Edited January 10, 2017 by bilgistic

[PRgal]

^^^ Holy!  Some of you come from jurisdictions where name changing - even upon marriage - seems like a task.  All we do is take our marriage certificate to Service Ontario to get our licence and provincial health card changed.  That's it.  No need to get clearances/posting in public unless it's an official legal change (where you'll be sent a new birth certificate.  I know this because I did it.  I had my first name changed to the long/formal/"proper" version.  Of course, it's one that Starbucks can never spell correctly).  In any case, I just added my husband's last name to the one I had at birth.  And people, of course, assume that my last name is hyphenated because that's much, much more common than adding/having two last names (and yes, this is a pet peeve of mine).

[ABay]

The drinking age in New York was 18 when I was growing up and I'm grateful it didn't become 21 until after I did. That you can be old enough to drive, get married, and vote but not drink is ridiculous to me. It just increases the allure of alcohol as a forbidden fruit (or grain) and encourages binge drinking on campuses, imo. 

[Sun-Bun]

20 minutes ago, ABay said:

The drinking age in New York was 18 when I was growing up and I'm grateful it didn't become 21 until after I did. That you can be old enough to drive, get married, and vote but not drink is ridiculous to me. It just increases the allure of alcohol as a forbidden fruit (or grain) and encourages binge drinking on campuses, imo. 

Agreed!!! I find it so insulting and so ridiculous on a myriad of levels that the US is so over-protective about our precious booze laws, especially when 18 is the age when people can choose to fight for our country. A man at 18 can use his gun to shoot folks but can't even buy himself a beer?! 

Meanwhile, kids in Europe and other countries don't go nuts after they hit 18 because booze is treated like some forbidden fruit desperately hidden from them: they've been taught from an early age that a little wine with a meal and a beer is okay within reasonable limits.

No idea how or why they changed the drinking laws in this country, but I think it was an awful idea. Those years when I was 19-20 and just wanted to sip a beer with my parents at a restaurant were especially annoying.

[Popples]

11 hours ago, Maharincess said:

I also need to say how very very much I miss words. I hate all of the stupid acronyms and initials so much.  It's not like they save time.  When somebody writes "DS" instead of son, how much time are they saving?   Kids today are going to grow up to be horrible spellers. 

It took me a while to understand the "DH DS DD" acronym. The first time I saw it, it was "DD" and the entire time I thought they were talking about a Designated Driver. So now when I see DH, I like to think the writer has a "designated husband", you know in case the real one is incapacitated.

I kvetched about "lose/loose" some pages back and the only explanation I could think of is since "lose" rhymes with "choose", lots of people think it's spelled with two "o's" as well. And since "loose" is a word, it won't get a squiggle underneath it since most internet spell check doesn't cover grammatical errors.

Edited January 10, 2017 by Popples
Added punctuation

[PRgal]

1 hour ago, ABay said:

The drinking age in New York was 18 when I was growing up and I'm grateful it didn't become 21 until after I did. That you can be old enough to drive, get married, and vote but not drink is ridiculous to me. It just increases the allure of alcohol as a forbidden fruit (or grain) and encourages binge drinking on campuses, imo. 

Yeah.  Drinking age in Ontario is 19 (as it is in MOST of Canada.  I think Quebec is the only province with 18 as the legal age), but you can drive, marry and join the military before that.  What's the deal anyway?  And you have to be 19 to buy cigarettes, too (I don't smoke - never have, but still).  

[DeLurker]

9 hours ago, Sun-Bun said:

Speaking of the pet-peeve a page back about addressing someone as "Doctor" when necessary, it reminded me of how annoyed I get about the "Ms. versus Mrs." and last names debate many of my fellow females endure. My pet peeve has always been the tradition of Western women feeling forced into changing their last names when they get married.

I think society is becoming more relaxed about the name change thing.  I changed mine socially, but continued to use my own last name professionally.  No one gave me negative feedback on it - it might be because I have a cool last name and people could see why you wouldn't want to give it up.

My cousin got married about 25 years ago and he told his fiancée he would change his last name to her's if she wanted because she only had one brother and they had no cousins, etc...that would carry on her family name.  She didn't want him to change his name, but she did keep her own.

8 hours ago, backformore said:

Oh, I know, and I agree with you.   It's like being called "young lady" when you're obviously not "young", or someone jokingly saying you couldn't possibly be someone's mother, you're obviously siblings, when that's clearly not the case.  When I've been out with my son,  I've had people jokingly ask if I'm my son's date.  Haha!    Excuse me if I'm not going to giggle shyly when you pretend to mistake me for someone in their 20's!  

It doesn't bother me - I remember being that totally tongue tied young person who was supposed to be personable while at my part time job.  They are making an effort to be engaging so good for them. 

[JTMacc99]

A friend recently changed her name back after getting divorced (she is in her twenties, no kids.) She was very amused by the reaction she got at the social security office. The person working there mentioned that people who were there doing what she was doing were his favorite people. They were always so cheerful.

[DeLurker]

One of my brother's divorce was final about a year ago.  My Mom is very pissed the ex is not changing her last name from ours.  Granted, the ex puts out fire with gasoline so there have been several badly bruised feelings over the years.  On top of that, she is continuing to make her son's life holy hell so that is not winning her any sympathy. 

He's 18 and was supposed to go with her to her family's Christmas, but she pissed him off so royally he refused to go in the same car as her (a couple hour ride each way).  She forbid him to drive himself separately, so he did not go at all.  My Mom wanted him to come with her and my Dad to another brother's house for Christmas dinner, but he was in such a bad mood he did not want to go with them nor with his Dad and girlfriend (to see her family).

[Blergh]

  I have to admit there were times I was  when I was growing up, I was tempted to change my somewhat hard-to-spell ethnic-sounding surname due to snotty folks making fun and deliberately mispronouncing it . However; between my embracing my heritage AND the fact that more folks than ever with my general background have moved into my world's corner, it's been a long time since that last happened and I'm now proud that it adds to my uniqueness!

[backformore]

13 hours ago, Maharincess said:

Four times today on this site I've seen people spell lose, loose.  Why is lose so hard for some people to spell??  It's only four letters.  

I think I posted about this before.  At my previous job, I had a boss who did this all the time.  we worked on a training presentation together, and he used "loose"  instead of "lose" on the power point and handouts several times.   He gave it to me to  proof and edit.  I changed all the errors to "lose".  HE "CORRECTED"  it back!   I had to prove that I was right, but showing him an online dictionary definition.   He was surprised, as he had been making the same error his whole life.   So for a little while after that, he used the correct spelling.  Then he reverted back to old habits. 

[DeLurker]

A friend growing up had an unusual last name for the states - I think she said it was Czechoslovakian.  It started with  Hr, but the H was silent.  She had great fun when people asked her last name, she gave it and they got a puzzled look on their face.  Then she would add "Hrxxxx, with an H" like it was so obvious.

As we were all a band of obnoxious nitwits, this was the height of humor.

[backformore]

My pet peeve is a commercial I keep seeing on TV, urging  anyone who is a baby boomer to get tested for Hep C. And they show grey-haired people dancing, laughing, having fun.   Ok, I guess I should ask my doctor.  My doctor told me that the commercial drives HIM crazy too.   Basically, there's research that people of a certain age have been testing positive for Hep C, and may be without symptoms for decades, and then get sick.   the risk factor is not "baby-boomers"   though.   The risk factors are basically people (of any age)  who have used infected needles to shoot drugs, and/or have had numerous sexual partners who may have been infected.   Because the baby-boomer generation  came of age in the 70's, the assumption is that if you are in that age group, you are at risk.  After ascertaining that I am not really in a high-risk group, he shared with me his frustration with how the drug company is painting an entire generation based on a stereotype of "hippie lifestyle." 

[JTMacc99]

My last name is uncommon in the states, and actually pretty uncommon in general. Other than in the small section of northern Italy where my grandfather came from, there aren't a lot of us.

Since it starts with Mac, and doesn't end with a vowel, people universally capitalize the next letter after the Mac and turn me Irish. To be fair, I do look plenty like my maternal grandfather Tom Murphy, but the insistence on capitalizing the fourth letter in my name is done by computers and people I've never met.  I can very clearly type or write my name correctly and get back a form, registration confirmation, name tag at a conference, and so on with a big old capital letter that wasn't there when I gave them my name.  

I admit to always loving the teachers during my life who looked at my name for the first time and put in the effort to pronounce my name the way it is pronounced in Italy as opposed to the way they told my grandfather it will be pronounced here.  Heck, I was happy with any teacher who put in the effort to sound it out at all. 

I have a cousin who has risen in his career to a point where he is in the news, like the back page of the paper, and I've been hoping that will contribute a little bit to people recognizing and not butchering my name for my kids as they grow up.  

[Qoass]

Thanks for that explanation, backformore.  I think categorizing millions of people just because they were all born over an eighteen year span is absurd, right up there with horoscopes.