Pet Peeves: Aka Things That Make You Go "Gah!"

[zxy556575]

12 minutes ago, Wiendish Fitch said:

Funny you guys mention pets, because in addition to people being weirded out/judgmental towards my decision not to have kids, I've also received similar reactions to not having pets.

I feel you. I inherited a cat at one point and enjoyed her company but didn't seek to repeat it after she died. My default setting has always been: no kids, no pets, no plants.

I don't mind if someone considers that to be selfish, though. It might be.

Edited January 27, 2017 by Lord Donia

[TattleTeeny]

Oh my goodness, no one should have either of those things if your heart's not in it! Personally,  I can't imagine not having pets, but I've been called selfish for not having babies. Selfish to WHOM, is what I'd like to know! It's not like there's an assigned baby waiting for me to come claim it.

Edited January 27, 2017 by TattleTeeny

[Wiendish Fitch]

6 minutes ago, Lord Donia said:

I feel you. I inherited a cat at one point and enjoyed her company but didn't seek to repeat it after she died. My default setting has always been: no kids, no pets, no plants.

I don't mind if someone considers that to be selfish, though. It might be.

I don't think it is at all. It's your life, your decision, and you're not hurting anyone. That sounds reasonably unselfish, if you ask me.

[TattleTeeny]

It would be great if everyone did adopt a cat or dog from a shelter -- but only if everyone also actively wanted one and was up to it! We shelter folk don't want them to go to the wrong place! And I can tell you that as (ridiculously) heartbreaking it is for me to let them go when they're adopted, it is even worse when they come back. 

[Wiendish Fitch]

Just now, TattleTeeny said:

It would be great if everyone did adopt a cat or dog from a shelter -- but only if everyone also actively wanted one and was up to it! We shelter folk don't want them to go to the wrong place! And I can tell you that as (ridiculously) heartbreaking it is for me to let them go when they're adopted, it is even worse when they come back. 

Thank you for understanding, TattleTeeny. And thank you for all you do for all the pooches and kitties! :)

[TattleTeeny]

You're sweet! And I do get it. Seriously, I'm the one over here lamenting that I didn't adopt this one cat from my shelter (it was a space issue and a worry that it would cause my own two, plus the new boy, a lot of stress), so I'd be a real hypocrite if I faulted you for your position.

[DeLurker]

There's no Mandatory Checklist of items you need to have/do to make you a good person and having the baby/pet/education/etc...doesn't make you a better person either.

[Wiendish Fitch]

20 minutes ago, DeLurker said:

There's no Mandatory Checklist of items you need to have/do to make you a good person and having the baby/pet/education/etc...doesn't make you a better person either.

See? DeLurker knows where we're coming from! :D

[BookWoman56]

Hell, one of my pet peeves is people who do have kids or adopt pets when any reality check would have told them that they are going to be horrible at taking care of anything that needs attention. I fully applaud anyone with the self-awareness to look at the possibility of having a kid or adopting a pet and realize that it's not something he or she wants to do. Also, just because you want a kid or pet at one stage of your life does not mean you want one at all other stages. I've had a couple of cats now for a few years that are actually my daughter's cats, and once she leaves home, I am looking forward to a year or two with no kids or pets to take care of. I'm a cat person and I know eventually I will probably get another cat, but I'm ready for a break. I also have my 4-year-old grandson living with me temporarily, along with my son and DIL, and that experience has made me glad I am way the hell too old to have another kid.  

[TattleTeeny]

Good news (I think)! He'll be there until Monday! So I'll get to see him once more when I go in on Sunday to do the cleaning!

[Maharincess]

I would never judge anybody for not wanting kids or pets.  I don't understand somebody not wanting pets, my brain just can't compute,  but I'd never judge anybody for it.  The world would be a boring place if we all liked the same things.   I would be so lonely without my 4 legged babies. With L gone most of the time they're all I have to talk to during the day.  They don't talk back but they're great listeners. 

Edited January 28, 2017 by Maharincess
Because I wanna.

[Maharincess]

7 hours ago, TattleTeeny said:

It would be great if everyone did adopt a cat or dog from a shelter -- but only if everyone also actively wanted one and was up to it! We shelter folk don't want them to go to the wrong place! And I can tell you that as (ridiculously) heartbreaking it is for me to let them go when they're adopted, it is even worse when they come back. 

I agree, I wish everyone who got a pet would get them from a rescue or shelter.  My very first dog came from a breeder, I got him as a tiny puppy but since then all of my pest have been rescues. 

@Lord Donia I'm a huge pet lover and have never been without a pet but I don't think you're selfish at all!!   Not everyone likes animals and that doesn't equal selfishness at all.  It just shows you know what you do and don't want and you won't be pressured into getting a pet because other people think you should.  That kind of awareness should be applauded.  

I do a lot of volunteering at my local shelters and I see way too many perfectly lovely pets being dumped because people got them and didn't really want them.  That is selfish.   Same goes for @Wiendish Fitch, there's nothing at all wrong with somebody who doesn't want kids or pets and anybody who says otherwise is just a big poopy head. 

Edited January 28, 2017 by Maharincess

[ParadoxLost]

3 minutes ago, Maharincess said:

 

@Lord Doniaa huge pet lover and have never been without a pet but I don't think you're selfish at all!!   Not everyone likes animals and that doesn't equal selfishness at all.  It just shows you know what you do and don't want and you won't be pressured into getting a pet because other people think you should.  That kind of awareness should be applauded.  

But its not necessarily about not liking animals.  I tend to stop whenever I see an adoption set up.  I look at and pet all the cats and dogs.  And I yearn to get one and take it home.

But I know better.  I want a weekend pet.  I have a full time and demanding job.  I can't get home often enough or early enough to properly feed and care for a pet.  During the week, I just don't have the reserves to be able to take care of a pet the way it should be taken care of.  

[DeLurker]

26 minutes ago, ParadoxLost said:

But I know better.  I want a weekend pet.  I have a full time and demanding job.

And a lot of people get a pet thinking the pet's needs are going to mesh with their lifestyle and find out too late that they really don't have the time available to give the pet the kind of attention and care they need.  I think this is especially true with puppies...they are so cute your brain can just short circuit and ignore all the pesky details that is required on a day-to-day basis.

Knowing your time commitments and priorities is great.  I like seeing the programs and articles about Japan where they have kitten cafes so people who don't have one can still hang out with them when they want.

[riley702]

Kitten cafes! I want one here.

[FormerMod-a1]

The Definitive List of North America's 24 Open and Upcoming Cat Cafes  (as of Feb 2015)

[bilgistic]

I want to own a cat cafe when I win the lottery. Crumbs and Whiskers in Los Angeles and Washington, DC, adopt out cats from high-kill shelters. They stay at the cat cafe until they find the purrfect (sorry) new home. C&W has the BEST pictures on Instagram. Their cafes are so cozy and the kitties are always so snuggly.

[DeLurker]

It hasn't opened yet, but there will be a place in Houston that will be a cat cafe (El Gato Coffeehouse).  They occasionally sponsor cat yoga at the Houston Humane Society where I guess you go do yoga and kitties get to laugh at human trying to be graceful and flexible?

There is also the Blue Cat Cafe in Austin.

[riley702]

Oh frabjous day! Indy's first cat cafe is opening in the Fountain Square area!

[AuntieL]

I also have no kids and no pets. The pets thing is partially due to allergies and partially due to lifestyle. I live alone and am not home enough. I'm a lawyer with my own practice which means I'm on my way to the office in a few minutes, Saturday notwithstanding. I share space with another attorney however and we have an office cat. He was there before I was (rescue cat) and since both of us work a lot he's always got company. He and I have an understanding-I feed him and open the window so he can look out; he doesn't come in my office to minimize the allergens. We also keep a large supply of lint rollers. The clients love him. 

[janestclair]

If I ever get a dog, I want an older rescue mutt who sits around all day. I don't have the energy for a young dog who would end up walking me.  He will be called Otis.  I also don't have any kids by choice.  I deal with enough teenagers all day long.  But I look forward to spoiling my two month old niece. 

[JTMacc99]

38 minutes ago, janestclair said:

If I ever get a dog, I want an older rescue mutt who sits around all day. I don't have the energy for a young dog who would end up walking me.  He will be called Otis.  I also don't have any kids by choice.  I deal with enough teenagers all day long.  But I look forward to spoiling my two month old niece. 

That's what Neo is. He was ten when he showed up. Mostly he likes following me around hoping I will drop some sort of food, sleeping, and standing on the furniture I'm sitting on invading my personal space until I pet him. 

So I support your idea with a solid example of what you could get. 

Edited January 28, 2017 by JTMacc99

[AuntieL]

First of all, pet peeve: I open my  yogurt at work and it splatters all over my black shirt.  That's what I get for trying to be healthy. A bacon egg and cheese from Wawa would not have done that. The cat is in hiding right now from the office cleaners who have kicked me out of my office while they dust and vacuum. As I am also allergic to dust I'm fine with that. I have to say it's nice to know that there are people who understand that just because a person doesn't have kids or pets they don't hate kids or animals. I helped raise my nephew and niece and I continue to do what I can for them and my great nieces.  My not having kids was not so much a decision as it was a "oh well I guess that didn't happen" moment. 

[Quof]

Quote

First of all, pet peeve: I open my  yogurt at work and it splatters all over my black shirt.  That's what I get for trying to be healthy.

I've stopped eating the damned things because you can't leave your spoon in the little container without it falling over.  

[Maharincess]

20 hours ago, ParadoxLost said:

But its not necessarily about not liking animals.  I tend to stop whenever I see an adoption set up.  I look at and pet all the cats and dogs.  And I yearn to get one and take it home.

But I know better.  I want a weekend pet.  I have a full time and demanding job.  I can't get home often enough or early enough to properly feed and care for a pet.  During the week, I just don't have the reserves to be able to take care of a pet the way it should be taken care of.  

I apologize, I didn't mean to imply that you don't like animals.  I guess I didn't word my comment correctly.  

I'm confused about cat cafes is it a place where you take your cat when you go to lunch?   Cats aren't social like dogs are so I don't understand how this will work. All I see happening are a whole lot of cat fights.  I love my cat but I don't want to take her out to lunch with me. 

[Bastet]

15 minutes ago, Maharincess said:

I'm confused about cat cafes is it a place where you take your cat when you go to lunch?   Cats aren't social like dogs are so I don't understand how this will work. All I see happening are a whole lot of cat fights.  I love my cat but I don't want to take her out to lunch with me. 

I've never seen one where customers bring their own cats; those I've seen are places where cats available for adoption (and who have the temperament for such a setting) roam the café.  It gives patrons a chance to relax by playing/cuddling with a cat, and also gives potential adopters a chance to see the cats out of a cage.

[StatisticalOutlier]

On 1/27/2017 at 0:04 PM, Lord Donia said:

I feel you. I inherited a cat at one point and enjoyed her company but didn't seek to repeat it after she died. My default setting has always been: no kids, no pets, no plants.

I don't mind if someone considers that to be selfish, though. It might be.

Actually, I think having kids is selfish.  Which is fine--we all do selfish things.  I just wish people would admit it.

[Maharincess]

1 hour ago, Bastet said:

I've never seen one where customers bring their own cats; those I've seen are places where cats available for adoption (and who have the temperament for such a setting) roam the café.  It gives patrons a chance to relax by playing/cuddling with a cat, and also gives potential adopters a chance to see the cats out of a cage.

That makes sense, thank you, that's a great idea.  I was picturing people bringing their cats in and it just being a huge cat rumble.  

51 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Actually, I think having kids is selfish.  Which is fine--we all do selfish things.  I just wish people would admit it.

How is it selfish to have kids?  Nobody is judging you for not having kids, so why are you judging us parents and calling us selfish?  We don't judge people here, we support each other.   Good thing I'm in the Pet Peeve thread because I'm peeved about being called selfish because I had kids. 

Edited January 29, 2017 by Maharincess

[topanga]

On 1/27/2017 at 2:04 PM, Lord Donia said:

My default setting has always been: no kids, no pets, no plants.

OMG, plants! (Way to be true to yourself, by the way). You've reminded me of one of my pet peeves. People keep trying to turn me into a plant lover even though I've accidentally killed dozens of plants over the years. I've come to accept my limits--I can't keep plants alive and no longer want to try. But people who know this about me (husband, relatives, close friends) keep buying me plants and telling me, "You just do this, do that." Well you fuckin do it, okay? I don't want to try to keep plants alive anymore. 

20 minutes ago, Maharincess said:

How is it selfish to have kids?  Nobody is judging you for not having kids, so why are you judging us parents and calling us selfish?  We don't judge people here, we support each other.   Good thing I'm in the Pet Peeve thread because I'm peeved about being called selfish because I had kids. 

I don't know if this is what StatisticalOutlier meant, but I've heard people say that it's selfish to give birth to kids when there are so many children in the world without parents who need a loving home. And when the world is already so overpopulated. It's akin to buying a pet from a breeder instead of adopting one from a shelter. Except we would be the breeders, I guess. 

There's also the argument that people have kids for their own benefit: kids provide us with company, someone to "dress" and play with, and the joy of being around youth. Plus, they're symbols of our genetic robustness and our immortality. 

[bilgistic]

One reason some people have kids is because they'll have someone to take care of them in their old age (that's what they tell us non-parents). There's certainly no guarantee of that.

There are parents who act like they are genetically blessing the planet with their offspring, who turn out to be hellspawn. I also can't speak for @StatisticalOutlier, but those parents are the selfish ones. There are several folks in my office like that. My sister, on the other hand, has a child that is the absolute best. She's smart, generous and kind, all because my sister is raising her well. Certainly not all parents are assholes, but the vast majority seem to be that way now. My other sister is...not a great mother. Her kids have raised themselves.

[bilgistic]

I don't personally think all parents are selfish. I don't begrudge parents their choice to reproduce. I can't understand the desire, as I've truly never had it, but I see that it gives them joy, and is fulfilling, and I'd never take that from anyone. I do wish more parents would adopt, because you can love anyone, not just your own flesh and blood.

Edited January 29, 2017 by bilgistic

[riley702]

They should have said that some people are selfish for having kids and then explained why they thought that, instead of a blanket condemnation.

[AuntieL]

I don't think having children is selfish. It's one of the most natural of all urges. It's the reason we're all here. My mother had 5 children and she was one of the least selfish people I ever knew. I think those of us women who do not have children do tend to get a bit defensive because we are often made to feel as though we are "less than". Being a mother is not an accomplishment in and of itself.  However, Being a good mother, as I'm sure Maharincess is, is something to be proud of. I know enough to know it's harder than it looks! 

[auntlada]

Some parents are selfish. Some are not. Some nonparents are selfish. Some are not. Because they are all people, and some people are selfish, and some are not.

i would love to have been able to adopt, but I do not think I would ever have been able to do so, in large part for financial reasons. I have never been in a position to be able to afford all the fees and other costs of adopting. Also, I never felt my life was together enough to convince an agency or court (or judge or whoever) to let me adopt.

It is also expensive to give birth, but insurance covered a lot of it. And it wasn't until after my son was born that I was able to find a much higher paying job wih better hours. I had been loking for a long time, but it was better that it happened later because with my old job, I had four weeks of paid vacation and six weeks worth of sick days built up, plus one furlough week a quarter, so I had a lot of paid time off available after my son was born.

Of course, he was not really planned, although he was always wanted, and that is why I am almost 50 with a 5-year-old.

Edited January 29, 2017 by auntlada
Add adoption opinion

[editorgrrl]

Quote

I'm confused about cat cafes. Is it a place where you take your cat when you go to lunch?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cat_café

Quote

A cat café is a theme café whose attraction is cats that can be watched and played with. Patrons pay a cover fee, generally hourly, and thus cat cafés can be seen as a form of supervised indoor pet rental.

In the US, the cats are often from rescues—and adoptable. But cats aren't allowed in the food service areas.

[bilgistic]

Crumbs & Whiskers is the cafe (coffee shop) I "follow" on Instagram. They are in Los Angeles and Washington, D.C. And when I win the lottery, I'll be opening a Southeast franchise.

[Sun-Bun]

I somewhat cosign the debate about parenthood being a very selfishly-driven desire---do most people really have children for noble purposes like making the world a better place, aiding with population growth and to assist their family as a whole?

Of course not.  

Most people want children strictly for admittedly selfish reasons: to carry on their genes/family name, to satisfy expected marital roles, to enjoy tax benefits/financial assistance, companionship and personal satisfaction, etc. Never mind that this earth is already insanely overpopulated and how much pollution just one extra human being contributes to the world as a whole: you've wanted to be a parent all your life because your biological programming has force-fed you into having that instinctual need to breed, so there!

((And thank god for that, because I and many other likeminded humans have apparently been born without that breeder mentality.))

I just wish more parents would own up to the fact that YES, having children is every bit as selfish a choice as those of us refusing to have children. And it's okay to admit it! As a proudly ChildFree woman, I'm always going on the record with saying that I'm way too selfish to give up my body/time/money to raise another human being. It's just annoying being told that parents couldn't possibly be equally as selfish as us non-parents---we all have our own selfish reasons for our own personal life choices and I'm tired of some parents acting like they're somehow better and more purposeful adults than the rest of us non-parents just because they chose to create a kid or a brood.

Good for you parents, no judgement from me, but let's be honest: your choice to breed was just as selfishly realized as my choice to not breed. And I figure after 15 years of me being a teacher who has served thousands of students from all walks of life, my overall energy is far less selfishly utilized in this way than if I had halted my career strictly to focus on my own offspring. 

[DeLurker]

My $0.02 (worth a lot less due to inflation):  Being childless or having children is not an inherently selfish or selfless.  The factors relating to that decision are unique and personal.  If you are content with your decision, whatever it may be, than good on ya (as the Australians would say (I think)).  A person's major contribution to the world and the lives they touch are rarely balanced on that decision.

In my experience, women who choose to remain childless are often viewed askance - there must be a reason - they can't have children, they are career driven and can't be bothered, they don't have that "mothering" or nurturing nature, etc...as if your reproductive decision is a matter of public interest to you family, friends, co-workers, etc...  I didn't have children until I was older.  I faced a lot of these questions and there was an undercurrent of judgement embedded usually.

Ignore the above - @stewedsquash said it first and better.

Today's Pet Peeve: I had to buy a birthday present for my niece today.  I had decided I was going to buy her a particular bottle of sparkling wine.  I went to the one liquor store carrying that brand in my area and they are closed on Sundays.  I ended up at Whole Foods and bought something akin to what I was looking for, but am just not so excited about my gift anymore.

[Whimsy]

Please move on from the kids vs no kids discussion. It's getting argumentative and is now beating a dead horse. 

[Blergh]

15 hours ago, DeLurker said:

 

Today's Pet Peeve: I had to buy a birthday present for my niece today.  I had decided I was going to buy her a particular bottle of sparkling wine.  I went to the one liquor store carrying that brand in my area and they are closed on Sundays.  I ended up at Whole Foods and bought something akin to what I was looking for, but am just not so excited about my gift anymore.

 I know it's annoying to not to be able to buy the exact gift one had had in mind. However; I hope your niece will appreciate the effort and love you put into selecting it as well as the gift itself. If she's one of those folks who had previously dictated EXACTLY what gift to give   and  has a history of bristling at any subs for any reason, THEN she would fit into another pet peeve of mine- demanding relatives. Yes, I had one who did exactly that and I'll just say that this was not a character trait that I missed when that relative was no more in this world.

[DeLurker]

2 hours ago, Blergh said:

I'll just say that this was not a character trait that I missed when that relative was no more in this world.

I would imagine that from whatever afterlife you get, she was extremely critical of the funeral choices:  The coffin is ok, but that liner?  I knew my sister Agatha would pick out an ugly shade of lipstick for me - it doesn't even go with the dress!  She was always jealous....

That side of the family is real big into Amazon lists which can be very helpful when buying a specific book (big readers) and other more personal items.  But they are not rigid about gifts and there is always a high appreciation for unique or particularly interesting presents. 

I was looking for a particular bottle of sparkling shiraz - I read some good things* about and it had a rooster on the label which would have been the part that put it over the top.  An old family joke that won't die is her favorite animal is a rooster and she collects rooster themed knickknacks.  But I ended up with Black Bubbles Sparkling Shiraz which has an intriguing name and none of them had heard of a sparkling shiraz before (pretty big wine drinkers) so lots of general murmurs of interest and offers to help her taste it.

*I think the first place I heard about sparkling shiraz was here in the Food area.

I think they would have a peeve about me in the gift department since I rarely want anything (not that I am so flush, but I don't have a big attachment to material items usually) so the default gift I get is coffee (but no hazelnut) and my brother will ask if there is a particular item I want.  This year I said a good olive oil & balsamic vinegar for dipping bread in.  I got it and it is very much appreciated.

[TattleTeeny]

I generally don't think it's selfish to have kids (though there definitely some selfish people who do have kids when they should not). However, I am not above using "You're selfish for having them!" as a retort if I'm told I'm selfish for not.

Edited January 30, 2017 by TattleTeeny
OH, OOPS -- I didn't see the mod note before I posted!

[bosawks]

7 hours ago, DeLurker said:

I would imagine that from whatever afterlife you get, she was extremely critical of the funeral choices:  The coffin is ok, but that liner?  I knew my sister Agatha would pick out an ugly shade of lipstick for me - it doesn't even go with the dress!  She was always jealous....

That side of the family is real big into Amazon lists which can be very helpful when buying a specific book (big readers) and other more personal items.  But they are not rigid about gifts and there is always a high appreciation for unique or particularly interesting presents. 

I was looking for a particular bottle of sparkling shiraz - I read some good things* about and it had a rooster on the label which would have been the part that put it over the top.  An old family joke that won't die is her favorite animal is a rooster and she collects rooster themed knickknacks.  But I ended up with Black Bubbles Sparkling Shiraz which has an intriguing name and none of them had heard of a sparkling shiraz before (pretty big wine drinkers) so lots of general murmurs of interest and offers to help her taste it.

*I think the first place I heard about sparkling shiraz was here in the Food area.

I think they would have a peeve about me in the gift department since I rarely want anything (not that I am so flush, but I don't have a big attachment to material items usually) so the default gift I get is coffee (but no hazelnut) and my brother will ask if there is a particular item I want.  This year I said a good olive oil & balsamic vinegar for dipping bread in.  I got it and it is very much appreciated.

I think you're talking about "The Chook".

My cousin and I take turns buying this for one another...

[DeLurker]

1 hour ago, bosawks said:

"The Chook".

Yep, that's the one I was looking for but hit a major roadblock because the store that has it is closed Sunday and I always put things off to the last minute so it was Sunday.

And that is a solid gift exchange program you and your cousin have going on.

[ParadoxLost]

PreviouslyTV...Time to review the sponsored content ads at the bottom of the page.  There is one that says "Mary Tyler Moore in Grave Condition"

[bilgistic]

Well...it's not wrong.

[riley702]

Oh, I just guffawed, bilgistic. That was great!

[ParadoxLost]

29 minutes ago, bilgistic said:

Well...it's not wrong.

That's why its a peeve.  I think its pun intended and not an old link.

[ratgirlagogo]

12 hours ago, DeLurker said:

An old family joke that won't die is her favorite animal is a rooster and she collects rooster themed knickknacks.

I realize it's past the point where it would matter in terms of birthday presents - but if your niece is actually a collector of rooster things she should go to whatever Chinatown is nearest to wherever you live and knock herself out - since this is the Year of the Rooster.  Every single store will have rooster stuff up the wazoo.

[backformore]

you mean like THIS one?