Teen Mom 2: Small Talk

[guilfoyleatpp]

I can't imagine how terrifying it would be to see the flames from your home. And helpless. UGH.

But I'm really really glad that you and your home are OK. 

[Maharincess]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate all of the kind words. 

I hope you're not sick of me yet because I need some advice or at least for someone to tell me that I'm wrong about this. 

A little backstory: M was my son's first girlfriend, they started dating when he was 16 and she was 18 and they were together for about 3 and a half years.  I adore M and couldn't love her more if she was my own kid and she and I have remained really close.  She's 34 now and just FINALLY ended an abusive relationship.  I always got so many calls from her, crying hysterically because he was abusing her.  Not only was there physical abuse (that bastard once bit her nose so hard he fucking broke it) and a lot of verbal/emotional abuse. 

He had no family or anything here so he moved back to Florida with his mom after the split. He still messes her on a daily basis through phone calls, social media etc. She called me crying yesterday because he he was being so horrible to her on the phone. She said she blocked his number so he would use other phones.  I've told her for a long time to get a restraining order but she never has. Last night I got tough and told her she needs to get restraining order NOW. I offered to go there with her and I would pay for it to be filed.  She refused to do it.  In my mind, this refusal tells me that she might take him back. 

Somebody please, please, please tell me that's not what it means.  She is the sweetest, most caring, loving person I've ever met. I've known her for over 15 years and I've never heard her say a bad word about anyone.  She has crone's disease and wears an ostomy bag. I think she thinks that because of that bag, the abusing asshole is the best she can get but he's not.  

I'm so worried about my girl. 

[guilfoyleatpp]

oh, big hugs! My sister also had Crohn's disease. It's tough. Interesting, she ended up with a guy who wasn't always super nice to her because when she was young she thought that no one else would put up with her periodic hospitalizations and flare ups. 

I don't know how many times M has left this guy, but I believe there is an average of 7 times before they finally make it stick. That's the fucking misery of it. It's the cycle - the escalation, explosion and then honeymoon/reconciliation. 

I also don't know how much use an RO would be at this point since he's all the way in Florida (I'm assuming she's on the west coast?). But she might take him back. It's a possibility. From my perspective, all you can do is offer to support her. Don't let him use this to cut you off as well. 

I thought we had some ladies on here work with DV situations, I hope they chime in too. 

Lots of love and hugs to both of you.

[akr]

Hi, Maharincess - I wonder if she might also just be concerned about how he'd respond to a restraining order.  She may be afraid that it would actually put her at greater risk, at least in the short run. It might be helpful for her to talk to people with experience with this. 

[Maharincess]

2 hours ago, guilfoyleatpp said:

oh, big hugs! My sister also had Crohn's disease. It's tough. Interesting, she ended up with a guy who wasn't always super nice to her because when she was young she thought that no one else would put up with her periodic hospitalizations and flare ups. 

I don't know how many times M has left this guy, but I believe there is an average of 7 times before they finally make it stick. That's the fucking misery of it. It's the cycle - the escalation, explosion and then honeymoon/reconciliation. 

I also don't know how much use an RO would be at this point since he's all the way in Florida (I'm assuming she's on the west coast?). But she might take him back. It's a possibility. From my perspective, all you can do is offer to support her. Don't let him use this to cut you off as well. 

I thought we had some ladies on here work with DV situations, I hope they chime in too. 

Lots of love and hugs to both of you.

Thanks. And thanks for the correct spelling of Chrone's, I always get it wrong. 

Yes, we live in the Bay Area. I figured a restraining order would help with the online and phone harrassing.  Oh, he's tried to cut me off from her and I let him know that I knew what was going on and he will NEVER get rid of me.  My husband is a very large Teamster with a lot of friends so he knows not to mess with me.  My son is a big guy too and he and Melissa are still friends. He's too much of a pussy to mess with my family.  But damn I wish he would, I wish he'd try to break into my house so I could blow his head off. And aside from being her second mom, she comes to me because she knows I've been there. 

@akr,  I didn't think about her fearing his reaction. I just want her to find a good guy, she would make some man so fucking happy. I've tried so many times to fix her up. 

I hope she doesn't go back.  I'm not kidding when I tell you guys that 5 minutes with this girl and you would love her, she'd just that kind of person. I mean, how many women do you know who are extremely close to their son's teeange girlfriend?  

Edited July 4, 2018 by Maharincess

[guilfoyleatpp]

@akr definitely has a point. The most dangerous time for a woman is when she leaves her abuser. That’s when she’s most likely to be killed. Really. 

She might not want to stir the pot with him if he’s already so far away. I have been in a position to make a police report about someone and I was definitely worried that if the police came to talk to him that it would spur him to further action. 

However, she should be keeping a log of his interactions with screenshots and recordings in case she does need to get a restraining order at some point. 

[Tatum]

No real advice @Maharincess- I totally feel for you and this girl.

For her, it may just be embarrassment that is stopping her from seeking legal means to block him...she may feel judged for being with him in the first place and a lot of women who seek help in these cases are made to feel like they somehow contributed to their own harassment by not leaving sooner, by not taking a harder line in the beginning, etc, or they are made to feel like over emotional drama queens crying for attention. Maybe she feels like he can't bother her in person anymore and that's enough. Or maybe she feels like a restraining order won't really stop him from calling her so why stir the pot? 

 

I have a friend with a violent ex who pressed charges against him multiple times. She was pursuing police work as a profession and those records kept her out of the running to move forward! They thought she had poor judgment for getting involved with him in the first place and would just bring too much drama and distraction with her. She was the victim! This was like 15 years ago but you know, still 21st century. It is just not a very nice or fair world for women looking to fight back against being victimized by a man.

 

ETA: I do believe threatening to kill someone is a terrorist threat in all 50 states. If she can get him on text or voicemail threatening her, that would probably go a long way and he could do time for that.

Edited July 5, 2018 by Tatum

[FairyDusted]

I really should give up watching this shit. It's upping MY drug use! Rolling fatties to get through MTV today. Anyone in? 

*Puff Puff Pass*

[Maharincess]

1 hour ago, FairyDusted said:

I really should give up watching this shit. It's upping MY drug use! Rolling fatties to get through MTV today. Anyone in? 

*Puff Puff Pass*

I hear ya, I gave up on the show because it made me so fucking mad and now reading the forums is doing the same thing. Only thing is, I can quit the show but I can't quit you guys.  You've all saved me from so much loneliness and boredom on the weeks my old man is working on the road. 

I'm trying to gain about 20-25 pounds so my florist (hey,  weed is just a plant right? So that makes him my florist) gave me a new strain guaranteed to give me munchies and whoa boy he was right.  I usually don't have an appetite. I'll see the clock and realize it's 7pm and I haven't eaten all day.  I lost a lot of weight after my accident and just never got my appetite back. I got up this morning at 9, smoked a little about 10 and I haven't stopped eating all day. Usually by this time all I've had is my milkshake with the weight gain powder.  I made myself bacon and eggs, then had an ice cream sandwich, then 3 of those little bags of Lays chips, then it was lunchtime. Lol.    This stuff is great.  I've already ordered an ounce that will be here tomorrow. 

Bring on the pounds!!!

I wish we used small talk more often.  

Edited July 9, 2018 by Maharincess

[zenme]

Omg, Maharincess! I've got an extra 25 lbs to send ya! I'll even throw in another 5 if you call right now!

[Maharincess]

That's what everyone says.   

It sucks because people have no problem telling me I'm too skinny, that I need to eat more, ask if I'm on drugs or have an eating disorder.  The worst is when I'm told how "lucky" I am.  Yeah, I'm super lucky that I lived an active lifestyle, hiked in the hills around my property with my dogs, practiced yoga for 14 years, looked pretty good and felt great with a few extra pounds.  Then I fell off of a 2 story building, ended up having 9 surgeries and will never be able to walk long distances again. Any time I'm going to be out for a while I need my wheelchair so half the time I don't even bother to go, which is fine with me because now I'm a hermit and I look like an old, scrawny skeleton. How lucky am I? 

Sorry, that wasn't directed at anybody here because nobody here has done these things. I just wanted to point out that being skinny isn't always a good thing and there really is such a thing as too thin.  I'm just a hair shy of 5 feet 5 and my weight flucuates between 95-99 pounds. I've made it I've the 100 mark once or twice but I always lost it again. 

Damn. I'm in a bitchy mood today. Sorry. 

[zenme]

I'm so sorry,  Maharincess. I can't imagine what it's like to live with chronic pain. 

[Maharincess]

Thanks. I'm fine though.  I don't know why I vented like that. I hope I didn't make anyone uncomfortable.  

I have always been a happy, positive person so I just took my situation and made it work for me. I can't go hiking anymore but my kids got together and got me a really nice and safe ATV so I can still take the dogs into the hills.  I can't work anymore but that just means I have more time for my family, pets and you guys. I've also had time for my hobbies and reading. I learned how to do yoga in a different way.  It's all good. I'm still a happy, positive person. It'll take more than this to bring me down. 

Seriously though, I'm sorry for venting that way. 

[Mkay]

11 hours ago, Maharincess said:

Thanks. I'm fine though.  I don't know why I vented like that. I hope I didn't make anyone uncomfortable.  

I have always been a happy, positive person so I just took my situation and made it work for me. I can't go hiking anymore but my kids got together and got me a really nice and safe ATV so I can still take the dogs into the hills.  I can't work anymore but that just means I have more time for my family, pets and you guys. I've also had time for my hobbies and reading. I learned how to do yoga in a different way.  It's all good. I'm still a happy, positive person. It'll take more than this to bring me down. 

Seriously though, I'm sorry for venting that way. 

Sometimes you have to vent to feel better.  We are here for you. I’m great at listening, not so good at advice.  But I’ll listen all day if it makes anyone feel better. :)

Edited July 10, 2018 by Mkay

[lovesnark]

Vent away!! That's what we're here for☺  Now, I'll do some, too. I may need you guys to bail me out. The county is replacing an under the highway access for salmon to be able to get to their spawning grounds and my road is the detour route. I'm all for anything to help the native wildlife but I'm about to dump a bag of concrete nails in the road. People are blowing down my road like it's a fucking race track and it's making me crazy.

[Tatum]

@Maharincess- you fell off a 2 story building??! What happened?

[CaliforniaLove]

@lovesnark maybe invest in one of these?

[Maharincess]

2 hours ago, lovesnark said:

Vent away!! That's what we're here for☺  Now, I'll do some, too. I may need you guys to bail me out. The county is replacing an under the highway access for salmon to be able to get to their spawning grounds and my road is the detour route. I'm all for anything to help the native wildlife but I'm about to dump a bag of concrete nails in the road. People are blowing down my road like it's a fucking race track and it's making me crazy.

My old house was on a road that was in between the 2 main roads in town.  Every morning at about 2am all of the drunks who left the bar would avoid the cops on the main roads by coming down my street, most of the time with very loud music. It sucked so I feel for you.  It was also the shortcut for people who wanted to avoid the main roads.  The city finally put speed bumps on my road but it didn't stop them from using my neighborhood as their shortcut.  I'm sorry you have to deal with this. 

[Maharincess]

On 7/10/2018 at 9:34 AM, Tatum said:

@Maharincess- you fell off a 2 story building??! What happened?

It's a long story that makes me look like an idiot...

My husband is a truck driver and he and his partner were going on a 2 week job so I made a bunch of road snacks and my dog and I took them to the "yard" for them to take on the road. I took my dog's favorite frisbee. 

As the guys were doing their truck inspection, I was playing frisbee with my dog and the dog who lives at the yard with the security guy. The yard was in Oakland, right on the Bay so it got really windy.  The wind picked up the frisbee and it went on the roof of the office.  The dogs were staring at the roof and whining so idiot me decides to go on the roof and get it.  I don't remember a lot after that but I do remember that the frisbee landed on the facade on the roof which looks like another story but is just big windows for looks. I climbed on the roof then I climbed on to the facade and grabbed the frisbee. After that I remember nothing.  From what was pieced together, it looks like I slipped on the facade, hit the edge of the roof with my pelvic bone, which was shattered and landed in the parking lot on my back.  My husband couldn't find me so he and the guys went looking for me. They found me on my back in the parking lot and both dogs were lying next to me.  They refused to move until my husband got there. 

Almost 3 years later, I've had 9 surgeries ( my spine is now about 90 percent steel) and have more scheduled which sucks but there is a bright side. After my first surgery the night of my accident, I was told that I would never walk again and would need 24 hour care.  I pretty much said "fuck that" and I've worked my ass off in physical therapy and on my own. I can't walk for long distances but I can walk with my cane and I can take care of myself.  I needed help for the first year or so but I can be alone for weeks now and I can take care of myself just fine.  I've always loved cooking and doing housework. I have a woman who comes in once a week to do my big cleaning but over time I've figured out ways that I can do some cleaning. I've also rigged up a bar stool that I use when I cook so I can cook everything I used to cook.  So it's not all bad and like I said, it'll take a lot more than this to bring me down. 

Edited July 12, 2018 by Maharincess

[Tatum]

OMG.

[akr]

Wow.  Glad you're still here!

[Maharincess]

Thanks, I'm happy to still be here!  It sucks but I just keep telling myself how much worse it could have been. I can walk short distances with my cane and they said I'd never do that.  The part that sucks most is having to go places like concerts and stuff in a wheelchair, although the handicap parking is great.  I went to a Kid Rock concert last year and it sucked in a wheelchair but at least I was able to go. 

When I feel down and sorry for myself, I just remember that I could be confined to a bed with everyone having to help me with the most basic things, like showering and using the bathroom.  I don't know if I could have lived with that.  I may not be able to do everything I used to do but I'm always learning different ways to do things.  The only thing I really can't do that I miss is going on long walks with the dogs. I can take them out walking while I'm on my scooter or ATV but it's not the same. But that's a minor thing and I don't dwell in it. 

My doctors all said that my attitude is a big part of my recovery. If I hadn't had such a good attitude about everything, I might not have recovered as well as I have.  So I guess my goofy, happy self was a big help. Lol. 

[guilfoyleatpp]

wow @Maharincess. That's some shit. I'm so sorry but I'm glad that you're still you... :)

I am by no means anywhere near underweight (stress eater), but when I do forget to eat I feel really shitty by the end of the day. Like "what's wrong with me? am I getting sick?" and then I tick off the things I did that day and I realize I forgot to eat or only had coffee (that makes it worse). It sucks. I don't know if everyone feels like that when they forget to eat, but it sucks and I'm sorry that anyone would feel that way regularly.

Here's my small talk vent. It's a bit of a novel, so if you get all the way through, I love you:

We moved to this house a couple years ago. I like it. It's my mid-century ranch I could never afford in the bay area. Our next door neighbor is a loon (I refer to her as Bella). And her child is our kid's age, which at first seemed like a dream (I refer to him as Tom). We started noticing almost immediately that the Tom had shitty boundaries. He would walk into our house, come into our back yard (even/especially when he thought we weren't home). At the time our littles were newly 5 and Tom would wander around the neighborhood by himself for HOURS. Sometimes Bella would text me to see if the kid was at our house. Nope. When Tom was here, he would stay for hours until he got grouchy and we would send him home. 

We start to learn little things. Tom is troubled. Tom wasn't very nice to our kid (Neville), who is highly unusual in his laid back-ness and generally well-liked. Tom just gives me a bad vibe in a way that is unusual for a child. 

The one time I let Neville go over to Tom's house I felt super anxious so I went to go get Neville about 15 minutes early and Tom's family didn't answer the door, the phone, or texts. That was a big giant NOPE on future visits. 

More bullshit happens regularly.  We have to meet our kindergartners at the bus and every day Tom asks my husband if he can come over while his mom/dad watches. Every day my husband says "no." It's irritating, honestly. Bella never intervenes or corrects Tom or tells him to wait to be invited. One day in early to mid November of 2016, on the most awkward day that it would be possible to do this, Tom gets off the bus with our kid, is walking home with his dad, and takes a detour. He runs up to my husband and son and says "I'm not allowed to play at your house anymore. My mom says it's not a good idea." The dad heard and laughed. It might have been a surprised bark, but he didn't correct Tom or say anything.

I've mentioned that my husband is of mixed race/ethnicity and brown skinned. Our son is also browner than most of the people here in the PNW. We are one of two Latinx families on this street and the only one where one partner is light skinned and the other is darker skinned. 

I was so hurt. It shook me so deeply. I wondered what I was subjecting my family to by moving here for work. It wasn't a great time for me.

The next day at the bus stop Bella is standing by herself and won't meet anyone's eye. Despite my better efforts, Neville tries to engage her in conversation and she ends up acknowledging to him that Tom isn't allowed at to play at our house. This hurts his feelings because he's 5. I found out later that Bella also spoke to him at school (she helped out there once a week) and said something like "I can never understand what you're saying." Neville has a speech delay. 

By the end of that week I write a letter to Neville's teacher (they're in the same class), describing the situation, acknowledging that Bella helps out in the classroom and asking the teacher to please prevent Bella from being alone with my child. My husband and I have a meeting with the teacher where she offers a work around and I accept. 

Tom starts coming by again after a while. We hold him to his word. He isn't allowed to play at our house anymore. After a few months of Tom presenting himself at our door on the regular and being turned away, Bella texts me to clarify that she never said Tom couldn't play at our house. Bella also mentions that my husband would always say "no" to Tom when he'd ask to come over after school. The language implied that maybe I wasn't aware that my mean husband was saying "no" to Bella's kid. 

By this time I have absorbed my initial shock at the situation and taken Bella's silence for consent both of what Tom did and our continuing to uphold her wishes as expressed to us. This text infuriates me all over again. I don't respond although I think of it.

Things are quiet. I'm enjoying not having to turn Tom away constantly, not having to monitor every interaction and word he says to Neville. We pull Neville off the bus because Tom is a jerk and the bus sounds like Mad Max. I observe Tom instigating other kids into mischief and somehow avoiding culpability. I Bella chaperoning a field trip where Tom manages to fling a branch at another child's face hard enough to make a large gash. I'm relieved that we are extricated.

I finally share what happened with one neighbor family (the Weasleys) who we've become regular visitors with and the mom (Molly) tells me so many more things about their family. Another neighbor tells me about a "show me yours/show you mine" incident which involved Tom and her 5 year old and would be innocent, except when Bella is confronted, she places blame on the oldest Weasley son...who wasn't even there. That's just fucking sinister. I keep that to myself for several months as well, trying to figure out what to do.

Bella and I ignore each other. I am cordial and greet her when we are in a group. I'm fine with the situation. The kids aren't in the same class this year. I still hear about Tom instigating shit, but we've managed to mostly remove ourselves from it. The other parents with school age kids on the street distance themselves from that family because of separate incidents. Bella takes particular umbrage to the family down the street denying her child access to their property (he'd broken a front lamp several times, within view of the older Weasleys and Molly. When confronted, Bella denied that her child had done it). Bella goes over to the Weasley house every couple of months to confront them about why Tom can't play with their kids. 

On Sunday, Bella catches me walking our dog and stops me. Tom is there, watching us. Bella has a whole speech prepared about how she is aware that I don't like her and that she's felt so insecure and thought about it so much trying to figure out what happened. So, I tell her, simply. X date your husband allowed your child to say xxx. She denies it. Over and over. I finally say "so my husband is lying?" She flusters around for a bit and then settles back on denial. "So my husband and my son are both liars." I start to walk away. Bella asks if we can't talk about it. I say no because it was so painful to experience. Bella calls after me that I must be mistaken and wrong about what happened. I tell her she is gaslighting and continue to walk away.

Yesterday I got a letter in the mailbox. Handwritten, single paged, denials. There are a couple of apologies in there, but they are of the "if your feelings were hurt" type and completely overshadowed by Bella's repeated disbelief that Tom would ever do that, along with several insinuations that I had some responsibility to tell her what happened because she had no idea. 

Oh, if only some other adult....like her husband, for instance...were there to see it. 

Once again, I am infuriated. I have been documenting every bit of bullshit I've observed that involves us. I don't know what to do. I could get a R.O., but I really really really just want them all to move. 

Sorry for the novel, I've never written it down in one place like this before. 

[druzy]

@guilfoyleatpp I'm so sorry for your situation. I'm glad you are documenting everything, created boundaries and spoke to another neighbor who is experiencing the same hostility and gaslighting from Bella. 

I'm sure the posters here will have great advice but just want to let you know that I'm sending positive thoughts your way and I'm here if you need to vent. ❤️

[AirQuotes]

In regards to father/daughter dances...

I've never heard of father/daughter dances and I'm in Louisiana, but I don't think it is weird or shouldn't be done because some kids don't have a dad.

My husband's parents are states away.  My dad passed away suddenly when my youngest two kids were barely school age and my mom was stricken with dementia before he passed away and it got worse after his passing.  So in a nutshell, my youngest two have never really had grandparents.  Not like most kids at least.  What is common around here is "Grandparents Day" at school where grandparents come and eat lunch and then go to the classrooms where each class does songs and little dances and such.   I would attend and never thought anything of it.

I can't imagine thinking because me or my kids don't have something that no one can have it.

[Christina87]

@lezlers I agree!!! I grew up in a no sex before marriage home, and I'm glad I did, because it prevented me from being a whore in high school...and I know I wasn't ready for sex then, and wouldn't have handled it well. However, I changed my mind in college, and only then did I realize how many sexual problems and incompatibilities can arise! I was once in a sexless relationship (maybe TMI, but this show is kind of indirectly about sex lol) and it really ruined my self-esteem during that time (not sexless as in waiting til marriage, but sexless like it started out great and then we went months without it). Turns out, the guy just had a low sex drive and once the initial excitement wore off, he was done. He might not have even known this about himself if he'd been a virgin at marriage, and I certainly wouldn't have known it! My god! What if I had married him?! You have to not only be sexually compatible, but agree on the frequency. I think when I have a child, I'm going to encourage them to do what I did...I'll recommend that they wait through high school to prevent teenage pregnancy and emotional complications (though if they do it, I want them to be open so we can get them protected), but to definitely have a sexual relationship before you marry someone. I can't imagine being stuck for life with someone who hates sex! It's way worse than being celibate! I felt miserable about the lack of sex in the relationship, but when I broke up with him and still wasn't having sex, I didn't really care. It's all about expectations!

[Scarlett45]

@Christina87 I understand what you’re saying. The entire social notion of “no vaginal penile intercourse before marriage” makes a lot of sense in cultures where most people were married in their late teens/early 20s AND there was no reliable medical birth control. In mainstream North American culture (if there is such a thing) I think it’s very unrealistic*, not to mention not everyone should or wants to get married!! That doesn’t mean they don’t have an innate need for patterned sex!! (Raises hand) I do think it’s probably best for kids to wait until they are out of HS but there’s no brightline rule here. 

 

*of course I am not suggesting anyone do something sexually against their will (that’s rape) or that they aren’t comfortable with. I fully support people (young women especially) being in charge of their sexual expression. 

[Maharincess]

Damn @guilfoyleatpp, I'm so sorry you have to deal with that bullshit. 

 

I never told my kids to not have sex before marriage, one, because I don't believe in that and two,  kids don't listen to that anyway.  I did teach my kids how to be safe when having sex, I taught my daughter to not fall for any BS lines from a guy wanting sex. And I taught my son how to have respect for his partner and to not put the birth control thing on her, it's equal responsibility.  I think no sex before marriage is ridiculous. I also told my kids to live with someone before marrying them. It's the only way to really know someone. 

 

Edit: Oh my god you guys, I can't stop crying!  I heard a whiny, crying sound, I looked out my window and there's a tiny baby deer in my yard and the mama is nowhere in sight.  I want to go out and help him so badly but I know if mama is around anywhere she'll attack me if I get too close.  The crying sound is breaking my heart. Every time the baby cries, I cry.  I'm such a soft, mushy marshmallow when it comes to animals. 

Edited to say, I saw mama and baby together at the trough I use to give all of the critters water.  Then an hour later baby is alone and crying again.   Mama looks really young so I don't think her mothering instincts have totally kicked in yet or something.  Haven't heard any more crying and the fruit I put out for them is gone. I hope he found her again. 

Edited July 13, 2018 by Maharincess

[NannyBails]

16 hours ago, Maharincess said:

dit: Oh my god you guys, I can't stop crying!  I heard a whiny, crying sound, I looked out my window and there's a tiny baby deer in my yard and the mama is nowhere in sight.  I want to go out and help him so badly but I know if mama is around anywhere she'll attack me if I get too close.  The crying sound is breaking my heart. Every time the baby cries, I cry.  I'm such a soft, mushy marshmallow when it comes to animals. 

Edited to say, I saw mama and baby together at the trough I use to give all of the critters water.  Then an hour later baby is alone and crying again.   Mama looks really young so I don't think her mothering instincts have totally kicked in yet or something.  Haven't heard any more crying and the fruit I put out for them is gone. I hope he found her again. 

@Maharincess,  I follow a wildlife rescue group on Facebook and they post all kinds of helpful things.  One of them is to leave the baby deer alone, so, as you know, you are doing the right thing.    Here's their website in case anyone wants to look up anything or contact them:  http://www.nc-claws.org/

Also, regarding the "you're so lucky you're thin" thinking,  I think it's a "grass is always greener on the other side" thing.    People often think that someone else's problems would be easier to deal with.  I remember wanting to have the problem of being too thin, until I met someone who couldn't gain weight no matter what she tried, was very nervous, half ill all the time, and wasn't able to get pregnant when she and her husband wanted to start af amily.   Plus, her husband was controlling and I'm sure that made matters worse.   I realized then that I wouldn't want that.  I'd rather be a few pounds overweight and healthy than too thin and half sick all the time, that's for sure!

I hope you are able to get to a comfortable, healthy weight for you.

 

@guilfoyleatpp,  that mother sounds a bit cray-cray!  She's the reason her son acts the way he does ... he's never guided to better behavior and he's being taught that nothing is his fault and he never has to accept responsibility for his part of interactions.     Best of luck to you!!!

[Tatum]

I got all the way to Molly Weasley before I realized these were all Harry Potter aliases.

 

I'd still nominate Tom Riddle for Hottest Ever Fictional Character That Unapologetically Kills People . Too bad the actor that played him as a young guy got so ugly.

Edited July 13, 2018 by Tatum

[Court]

On 7/11/2018 at 4:54 PM, ghoulina said:

I'm with you. I think it's a fun thing. There's always going to be some circumstance where SOMEONE feels left out. It sucks, but there it is. If my daughter's school was hosting a dance like that, she wanted to go, and my husband was out of the picture for some reason (this is all very hypothetical, since we homeschool) - I'd have one of her awesome uncles take her. I'm sure the school doesn't insist every girl bring a literal FATHER. Maybe just a father figure - grandpa, older brother, etc. 

I definitely don't see anything sexual or odd about it from a relationship point of view. Quite the opposite. Little girls learn how to allow men to treat them based largely on what they see from their fathers when they're growing up. I like the idea of dads taking their girls out and showing them a little chivalry. Bring her flowers, open the door, just be polite and courteous. I think it means a lot. 

My child's dad is minimally involved. My dad took her. Also, a friend's son offered to take her as did my cousin. 

 

The way it's marketed around here is father daughter dance. Bring your dad, granddad, make role model,neighbor, etc. 

 

It's fine. We have grandparents day at school and I've heard the same complaints. I disagree. It' also says or grandfriend. All the grandparents that go always "adopt" the kids that are unable to have anyone there. 

Edited July 14, 2018 by Court
Oops. Sorry off topic

[SweetieDarling]

My sons' elementary school has an annual father daughter dance. Do the girls and their dads actually dance? or do the girls stand together, compare dresses and shoes, and talk and giggle while the dads make small talk and wish there was a bar? That's how I imagine them. They also do a mother son event that changes every year because boys just want to run around and play with each other, rather than hang with their moms. I think they've settled on a picnic type event the last few yrs. I haven't gone in a while because they're usually lame.

Their school does a grandparents day too. My parents and my in-laws are in their 80s and live 2hrs away. There is no way they could/should make the drive down (or be able to stand up if they sat in one of those chairs). One of my son's friends has grandparents that show up for everything (field day, holiday parties, assemblies), and they "adopt" him on grandparents day.

I hope these kids have people in their lives (parents of friends, troop leaders, coaches) than will pick up the slack, so to speak, and at least offer them glimpses of how normal people (or less dysfunctional people) behave and interact.

[Scarlett45]

There is not a garment of clothing I love more than the Freya Deco Vibe Plunge Bra. This was affirmed yesterday afternoon. Nordstrom knew it too because they put my much much much smaller doppelganger in the ad. ?

For ladies D+ or larger (they even have band sizes 28-38!!) you won’t be disappointed.

I haven’t brought bras in two years and three died at once. I held out for Nordstrom Anniversary sale. I had to share.

 

https://m.shop.nordstrom.com/s/freya-deco-vibe-underwire-plunge-bra-d-cup-up/3814257

[Maharincess]

On 7/13/2018 at 11:06 AM, Tatum said:

I got all the way to Molly Weasley before I realized these were all Harry Potter aliases.

 

I'd still nominate Tom Riddle for Hottest Ever Fictional Character That Unapologetically Kills People . Too bad the actor that played him as a young guy got so ugly.

I am completely and totally confused by this comment.  Am I just stupid? What does it mean? 

[CaliforniaLove]

I know my sister (3 years older) went to a father/daughter dance when she was in 1st or 2nd grade. My dad also escorted our neighbor who didn't have a dad present. By the time I was in 1st grade though, I don't think they had them anymore...either that, or I just got the shaft as always because my parents already did all the stuff (swim lessons, horseback riding lessons, Brownies, etc) with or for my sister. They were over it by the time it was my turn. 

As far as being "all inclusive" & "can't please everybody", when I worked at a PR firm 20 years ago, ONE of the employees was a Jehovah's Witness & they completely accomodated it. We didn't have a Christmas, errrr "Holiday" tree the first 2 years I worked there.

[Tatum]

2 hours ago, Maharincess said:

I am completely and totally confused by this comment.  Am I just stupid? What does it mean? 

The poster I quoted used characters from the Harry Potter books instead of using her neighbors’ real names. Tom in the books is evil which is why he’s used for the bratty kid and Bella is a batshit crazy evil character and that’s why she used that name for the bitchy mom. 

 

In the second movie, they show a flashback scene where Tom is about 16 (although the actor playing him is like 25, so I’m not a perv) and he was frigging HOT. So I saw he was on another show several years ago (this would be 15 years after the movie filmed) and he was not even remotely cute. He didn’t age well. 

 

ETA: just realized I didn’t quote the poster in my first response. Duh. No wonder you’re confused. Was responding to @guilfoyleatpp story about her sucky neighbors. 

Edited July 15, 2018 by Tatum

[Maharincess]

Hello my friends, greetings from the BEAUTIFUL, South Lake Tahoe.  And believe me when I say it is beau.ti.ful.   My "husband" and I came up this morning and my son and his girl, my daughter, son in law and grandkids will all be here Saturday.  This is what I wanted for my birthday. To be in the middle of nowhere in a beautiful setting with my family and all of our various doggies. I have a new 11 week old American Bulldog for a granddaughter. 

We're up in the mountain with a great view of the lake. It's my birthday weekend so I chose the mountains. They can all go to the lake during the day. We've been up here about 12 hours and haven't seen a trace of another human. It's awesome.  Lots of wildlife too.  We all went in together and rented a gorgeous log cabin, which is my dream home.   Right now we're on the porch and there are so many stars. 

lots of downtime so I'll still be bugging you guys, at least until the family and 3 other dogs show up Saturday! 

[zenme]

Happy Birthday! Enjoy your weekend! That area is on my bucket list. Sounds amazing!

[druzy]

@Maharincess It sounds stunning. I wish you and your family a ton of happiness, joy, and fun celebrating your birthday this weekend! 

Edited July 19, 2018 by druzy

[NannyBails]

@Maharincess, I visited that part of Tahoe once years ago and thought it was the perfect combination of things I love in nature - mountains with a big body of water.    Enjoy!

[FairyDusted]

Happy Birthday @Maharincess  That sounds like a great celebration ! Have fun ! 

In other news ...I’m not dead! LOL I swear ! Just a jacked up summer and the Teen Moms ( Jan and UBT) are actually are stressing me out. I can’t belirve I let fuckin MTV stress me out! Maybe because my own POS egg donor *spit* can still get me going hundreds of miles away. I’m pretty lucky though because I had my Grands take full custody and I was able to get plenty of help getting over BS. As you can tell it bubbles up from time to time but I have learned not to sit in it too long and redirect myself. I hope the same for them! 

[guilfoyleatpp]

@Scarlett45 THANK YOU FOR THE LINK! That looks amazing. I've been hermetically sealed to this one particular SOMA bra, but I might need to branch out.

@Maharincess Happy Birthday! It sounds lovely. I'm wondering why you put husband in quotation marks. I might be forgetting some essential element of your story, or I might be dazed from just returning from our own lovely vacation in the John Muir wilderness. #best #butImissedmylaptop #sickofbeingdirty

[Maharincess]

Thanks everyone!  I'm having the time of my life, the Wi-Fi is spotty but most times I can get signal. 

@guilfoyleatpp, I put husband that way because on May 15th we celebrated 29 years of being happily unmarried.  We had a ceremony in Reno a few years ago but never filed papers. We get along great, are committed to each other, can still make each other laugh like idiots and we're happy so why change it?  I use husband for lack of a better word. He's way beyond boyfriend and I can't come up with a new word. 

It's my favorite time of day here, the sun is just going down and all of the night time critters are coming out.  We've seen so many racoon mamas and babies that I can't even count them. We haven't done much but drive into town to the store to fill the fridge and pantry, other than that it's lazy days on the porch or at the lake. Everyone is going on a boat tomorrow but I'm not sure I am going, don't really have sea legs. I'll stay back with the grandkids and explore.   I'm trying to post a couple of pictures but can't do it from my tablet. 

The kids and grandkids come tomorrow and my 2 grandkids are over the moon excited. They'll be here early in the morning and my son and his girlfriend are coming early afternoon. in

Have a great weekend!

And for the record, I asked my grandkids about 29 times if they were excited. 

Edited July 21, 2018 by Maharincess

[guilfoyleatpp]

@Maharincess...that's right! I forgot that you'd mentioned that before.

It sounds like an awesome time! And...hey, are you excited?!

(lol)

[Maharincess]

3 hours ago, guilfoyleatpp said:

@Maharincess...that's right! I forgot that you'd mentioned that before.

It sounds like an awesome time! And...hey, are you excited?!

(lol)

I'm excited and relaxed at the same time. 

My daughter just called and since it's been so hot they're actually coming up tonight.  It's only a 4-ish hour drive and at this time of night there shouldn't be much traffic. Plus this way the kids will sleep the whole way.   They're packing up the car now. And guess what?  Kids are EXCITED! 

@FairyDusted, I was going to send a search party if you didn't post soon. 

Edited July 21, 2018 by Maharincess

[FairyDusted]

Awww ! I knew I’d better check in. I usually post up a storm. Big mouth Fairy?

[Maharincess]

My daughter and her family are about half an hour away. Were lying on the porch enjoying the chilly weather.  We have rain scheduled for the entire weekend so no boats probably but we have a huge fireplace and we'll have a blast anyway. 

@FairyDusted, nothing better than lying on the porch watching the stars that look so close I could touch them,  and smoking a big fatty.  I haven't been this relaxed in a long time.  We're here until Tuesday but I don't wanna go! I could live here forever. 

[MyPeopleAreNordic]

Cross-posting from the TMOG small talk for my buddies who don't follow the OG moms...

Hi ya'll....just checking in to let everyone know I'm okay.

My best friend, my chihuahua who I've had basically my entire post-undergrad adult life (12 years) & who literally saved my life years ago, passed away. I'm heartbroken. It's hard...maybe harder than finding out about the cancer even. I know that sounds crazy, but maybe I'm just crazy then.  Before we had kids, she was my only baby for 8 years....and she was/is always my first baby. 

I feel like she stayed until I was recovered from my cancer surgery.  She died in her sleep and she wasn't sick long and didn't suffer. But I miss her so very much. The grief is....a lot. I'll be around as much as I can but I'm probably going to be giving myself a break from stuff (including TM) until I start back at work in a few weeks.

Thank you again to everyone who donated, checked on me, sent me encouragement, sent love, etc. Ya'll are the best. I just didn't want anyone to worry. 

Edited July 23, 2018 by MyPeopleAreNordic

[LBS]

Hugs @MyPeopleAreNordic !   I'm so sorry to hear about your pup.  Take care of you now!

[FairyDusted]

I was just getting ready to rattle your cage @MyPeopleAreNordic! I'm so sorry for your lose! Thanks so much for posting. I was getting worried. Take care my Nordic friend.