S03.E06: Kiss and Tell

[OnceSane]

Allegations about Tom Schwartz's infidelity stir up tensions. Meanwhile, Lisa hosts an event, but she grows concerned that hiring Jax and the two Toms may have been a mistake.

[ExplainItAgain]

Wait....she hired Schwartz again??

[OnceSane]

Who else can she hire? DJ Muppet Baby is probably busy scrubbing cigarette smoke and B.O. out of all his stuff.

[featherhead]

I'm going to ff all the scenes with Muppet and Olive Oil washing his bmw or whatever he's driving. The sneak peek turned my stomach.

[Elizabeth]

Wait....she hired Schwartz again??

 

From the previews, it looks like she hires Jax, FI, and him to pass out drinks for an event at Pump. Can't wait to see Jax pour drinks all over himself! 

[Shelby]

I'm going to ff all the scenes with Muppet and Olive Oil washing his bmw or whatever he's driving. The sneak peek turned my stomach.

I'm really nostalgic for Kristen's awfulness, so I'll never FF her. I do loathe Muppet, but if I have to suffer through him to see her crazy, I will.

Dxmn Stassi is taking up too much screen time with her over-crafted reasons for dropping by. You're histoire and nobody cares!!! Beat it, hit the road, scram, get lost!!!

Edited December 5, 2014 by Shelby

[Rosebud1970]

Why, oh why is Stassi back? What purpose does she serve? She doesn't work, she shit stirs, she behaves like she's Queen Bee (and she's not).

So, what purpose does she serve? Other than to annoy the bejesus out of me.

If there's a controversy, you can be sure she'll be at the bottom of it.

Gah.

[worleybird]

My Comcast Program Guide has this listed as a 90-minute episode. I wonder if it really is or just 60 minutes plus a WWHL featuring 2 cast members. This has happened before.

[ExplainItAgain]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure WWHL will be tacked on. I think Stassi is one of the guests.

[psychoticstate]

I was out of town this weekend and returned last night to see a First Look on my DVR.  Baby Jesus loves me. 

 

I never loved Mondays quite so much as I do when VR is on.  I cannot wait to see Kristen in all her Cigarette Sally grodyness or the Toms plus Jax passing drinks at PUMP (will Schwartzie have another panic attack?) or Schwartzie's supposed cheating or Flat Iron trying to show the Nugget as much affection as he has for his flat iron. 

 

I seriously want to plan a road trip up to LA to see all of these chucklefucks in their natural element.

[chlban]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure WWHL will be tacked on. I think Stassi is one of the guests.

Yes, that seems to be Andy's new trick. WWHL ratings must be dismal. Show is so lame, with his stupid games, so he tries to get everyone to record the full 90 minutes. Guess he doesn't get that just because it's recorded we don't have the watch it. 

[BogoGog24]

Maybe I'm in the minority but I actually enjoy WWHL. It's not as good as the actual shows, obvs, but I think the games are fun. It is good to watch right after the episodes, when one of the cast members is on and can answer questions regarding the episode or talk in more detail about a certain thing that happened. I don't watch it every night but I will occasionally. Maybe it's good in small doses.

[Chrissytd]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure WWHL will be tacked on. I think Stassi is one of the guests.

Yup, with Todd Chrisley.

[Shelby]

I seriously want to plan a road trip up to LA to see all of these chucklefucks in their natural element.

My little brother actually lives in West Hollywood. When I was out visiting him last, I begged to go to SUR to see these losers suck at their jobs in person, but my brother said he would be embarassed to be seen there and wouldn't take me.

[bunnywithanaxe]

Ha! I would love to see that Yelp review!

[meeeeech]

Stassi: "Who told you? Jax and Scheana...two LOSERS."

 

Okay, it's annoying that she's there but ol' Stass sure knows how to get to the heart of matters. I'm going to need her to invest in a good bra though.

[bosawks]

Tom, mindless work is probably your wheelhouse.

[Shelby]

Yay! Only two non-speaking seconds of Muppet and Nugget!

Schwartz makes me sick. I don't care if he made out with a girl, but the way he lets his scummy freak friends treat Katie is just disgusting. She should kick him to the curb for that alone.

Assi looked very fat/pregnant, esp in the awful fitting cropped sweater. Fattish for her, anyway.

Jax's therapist creeps me out! She so unprofessional and seems totally into him.

Edited December 9, 2014 by Shelby

[MrsRafaelBarba]

This episode should've been titled "50 Gay Mayors"  and I might play a drinking game on rewatch.

 

Edited December 9, 2014 by MrsRafaelBarba

[Ubiquitous]

Didn't they do the "he cheated on you in Vegas with another woman" storyline already?

 

I do have to admit, however, I was half-expecting Schwartz to complete "Yes, I was cheating on you in Vegas with..." with " a MAN!!!!".

Edited December 9, 2014 by Ubiquitous

[featherhead]

Am I going crazy or did they cut out the car wash scene with Muppet and Olive Oil?  During the conversation between Jax and Swartz - it sounded to me that Swartz actually did sleep with the girl in Vegas. Did anyone else get that impression?

[HunterHunted]

My word Jax and Kristen are a duo of disgustingness. I get Kristen's motivation. She hates being a pariah when the rest of these dicksmacks are just as bad. Jax is a complete mystery to me. I have no idea why he's so intent on ruining their relationship and blind to the idea that this would also hurt Schwartz. Schwartz needs to extricate himself from his so called friends.

[The Mighty Peanut]

From Jax's vlog: "I love Katie, but she's a woman."

*drops mic*

Edited December 9, 2014 by The Mighty Peanut

[Ubiquitous]

Am I going crazy or did they cut out the car wash scene with Muppet and Olive Oil?  During the conversation between Jax and Swartz - it sounded to me that Swartz actually did sleep with the girl in Vegas. Did anyone else get that impression?

That was last week.

 

Isn't Lisa Vanderbucks SO magnanimous for hosting the gay mayor conference? I wonder why they didn't pick a better place to cum together? Did anyone think at first she asked the two Tom's to "pass gay", i.e., pretend to be gay at the event? Yes, !FI-Tom, Lisa said "gay mayors", not "gay men"; calm down, mmkay?

[portfino]

Jax and his therapist banging is going to be the twist at the end of the season. Tom Schwartz is such a simp that he must have cheated to let Katie/Jax argue like that. Although did anyone notice it got switched from Jax's Vegas girlfriend said.... to Jax said....?  I guess production couldn't afford to bring her in from Vegas.

 

I just saw Stassi on WWHL and they showed a photo of her bootleg Jax "boyfriend" then she was annoyed that they showed clips of romantic moments with her and Jax.

 

Kristina needs to learn to be quiet when adults are speaking.

[OnceSane]

Yup, with Todd Chrisley.

 

Aw man! I love Todd Chrisley! But I can't stand Andy Cohen or Stassi, so NOPE!

 

Kristina needs to learn to be quiet when adults are speaking.

THIS. A thousand times.

[Ubiquitous]

Did anyone else find it amusing that StASSi was wearing a chunky sweater when she visited Kristen?

Edited December 9, 2014 by Ubiquitous

[Shelby]

I must be deeply loyal to FI. When Schwarttz was getting his hair flat ironed, I felt bad for the original FI. I miss seeing him primping and preening himself!

Did anyone else find it amusing that StASSi was wearing a chunky sweater when she visited Kristen?

Chunky sweater, and DH and I couldn't help but laugh and make jokes about how chunky she looked in it!

Eh, all these losers make me want to blow chunks!

Edited December 9, 2014 by Shelby

[Ubiquitous]

I must be deeply loyal to FI. When Schwarttz was getting his hair flat ironed, I felt bad for the original FI. I miss seeing him primping and preening himself!

While Katie cut random chunks out of his hair ...

[Watermelon]

 

Aw man! I love Todd Chrisley! But I can't stand Andy Cohen or Stassi, so NOPE!

 

You should absolutely watch. Todd was just as shady as you'd hope he'd be. Once he found out Stassi's new boo looks like Alternate Universe Jax he kept mentioning it.  

 

He's so much fun.

[Ubiquitous]

Wait, you got to see StASSi's phantom boyfriend?

[The Mighty Peanut]

He really does look like Jax. Except here where he looks like Fredrik Ecklund.

[starrynola]

Cracking up at Jax saying he has had "some good cries lately" to his therapist. I'd be sobbing too if I had his life. Sobbing and doing push-ups.

Both Shwoosh and Katie knew of the other's infedelity. Whoever said this is just a set up rehash is totally right.

Stassi seriously needs to get a life. She should be spending the night at her new apartment over eating, showering in scalding hot water to wash the Jax off her collarbone and trying on her Chico's wardrobe to take selfies and update her "blog".

Edited December 9, 2014 by starrynola

[goddessintraining]

He really does look like Jax. Except here where he looks like Fredrik Ecklund.

*dies*  Very Fredrik in this photo! He looked more like Jax in the WWHL photo.

 

DId anyone else get the impression that Schwartz did sexually cheat based on his conversation with Jax the morning after the confrontation? It sounded like Schwartz was upset because Jax openend his mouth more than anything else. It could explain why Schwartz isn't more pissed at Jax. To be honest, I doubt Katie would ever dump Schwartz. She seems like the type that would stay with him and make his life as miserable as possible. Kind of like Kristin.

Edited December 9, 2014 by goddessintraining

[Persnickety1]

Well, bless Cigarette Sally's little shifty heart.

 

How sweet that she gets matching wrist tattoos with all her friends.

 

Good thing she apparently has only 2 friends, thus a wrist for each friend.  

 

Well, okay, she's now down to 1 friend since Katie apparently has eschewed their friendship.

 

I haven't even seen the entire episode.  I caught that bit of trivia just from passing through for a cup of coffee.

 

I couldn't love this hot mess any harder if I tried.  Or if I had a heart.  

Edited December 9, 2014 by Persnickety1

[Chrissytd]

Wait a minute. In the preview for the next episode, is the actress that used to play Heather on Y&R interviewing for a job at SUR?

Edited December 9, 2014 by Chrissytd

[ScoobieDoobs]

If Andy is tacking WWHL onto this show, it could be to boost WWHL's ratings. Not to worry, gang, VR's ratings have been really good -- with a season high last week of 1.5 mil. YAY!

I didn't mind WWHL at all. Todd was surprisingly pretty funny. Robbie Rogers was sweet & adorable. Stassi? Oy. So smug & ridiculous. I didn't realize how much ghost Patrick looks like Jax. Ew. Creepy as fuck. At least now we know for sure Patrick will remain a ghost. Kinda too bad really. I think the contrast between someone who's 35 & who has a job & a life -- and any of these chucklefucks, would be mighty entertaining.

OMG, someone asked Stass on WWHL why she's dressing like an old lady. Ha, exactly what I was thinkin'. Actually, she looks like she's wearin' Lisa's wardrobe of shit Joan Collins threw out 35 years ago.

Edited December 9, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[ScoobieDoobs]

Help me out here -- maybe I gotta watch again, but a few things baffled me.

What is "tray passing"? And what was the deal with the gay mayors? Went over my head.

OK, some things here are just such a stretch, it's so obvious this is being done only for the show. Like Stassi's presence. Why is she such a big presence among these nitwits? This is making less & less sense. When you leave a job, you move on & dat's it. You may talk to a few former co-workers occasionally, but this is becoming so unbelievable to me.

And Lisa giving Schwartz another job at PUMP? C'mon now. Dat would never happen in a zillion years. It's only for da show. When it gets this senseless, it starts to get sorta annoying. I don't ask much from ya, show. Oh, keep the chuckefucks acting like chucklefucks, but at least try to make a teeny weeny bit of sense. Please?

OK, is it just me or did the therapist have messed-up lipstick? Maybe from blowing Jax? I know -- ew, but she's the one who's so into him, not me.

Um, so was Tiff's best friend -- the one who fooled around with Schwartz in Vegas -- a guy? Cuz that's what I was waitin' to hear. Could Tequila Katie be such a loser, that she's been living with a guy for 4 years who she believes is her boyfriend -- and she actually has no clue he's gay, even tho everyone else in the world knows it? Could Tequila Katie be that much of a loser? Yes. Yes, she could.

Edited December 9, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[BogoGog24]

I think tray passing means they walk around with trays, either with food or drinks, and pass them out. Although the way Tom described it, he made it sound like they just stand there, like a "table" as he called it. In the footage it looked like they were actually serving people though.

[ScoobieDoobs]

So it's being a cater-waiter? What's bad bout dat?

[Maharincess]

What kinds of drugs is Tom Schwartz on? He reminds me of a scrawny Tom Arnold the way he's always rocking and swaying back and forth when he's standing. He's always messing with his hair and face too.

I think he's kind of creepy.

[Persnickety1]

What kinds of drugs is Tom Schwartz on? He reminds me of a scrawny Tom Arnold the way he's always rocking and swaying back and forth when he's standing. He's always messing with his hair and face too.

I think he's kind of creepy.

 

He's got a real issue with foot twitching, too.

 

I noticed it on a few occasions just during the last episode alone.

 

Probably coked up with his BFF Jax.

 

No judgment, I'm just passing along that bit of information Lisa found fit for public consumption about Jax on WWHL last week.  

My word Jax and Kristen are a duo of disgustingness. I get Kristen's motivation. She hates being a pariah when the rest of these dicksmacks are just as bad. Jax is a complete mystery to me. I have no idea why he's so intent on ruining their relationship and blind to the idea that this would also hurt Schwartz. Schwartz needs to extricate himself from his so called friends.

 

This is the same Jax who fucked Kristen, the girlfriend of his best friend at that time, Tom Sandoval.

 

This is the same Jax who now maintains he did Tom Sandoval a favor by fucking Kristen.

 

Jax has no morals, no scruples, no common sense, and no loyalty to any living creature on the face of the earth.

 

Of course he wouldn't give two shits if it hurt Tom Schwartz or not.  Hell, I'm surprised he hasn't tried to fuck Katie just to prove to Schwartz how terrible she is.  

Edited December 9, 2014 by Persnickety1

[Maharincess]

Lisa said they are doing coke? A few of them definitely seem to be on something but Schwartz is the worst.

I don't understand women like Katie. Is she that desperate to get married? What kind of future does she see with this guy? Where does she see her life in ten years with a guy who won't work and flees in a panic during the first hour of his first shift working in 4 years?

That kind of goes for all of them. Where do they see themselves in ten years? Do they really think they are just bartending and waiting tables until they get their big acting/modeling break?

Do they have other options if that big break never happens? Which it won't.

I just don't understand these people.

Edited December 9, 2014 by Maharincess

[psychoticstate]

My little brother actually lives in West Hollywood. When I was out visiting him last, I begged to go to SUR to see these losers suck at their jobs in person, but my brother said he would be embarassed to be seen there and wouldn't take me.

 

I watch True Tori so clearly I have absolutely no taste and therefore no shame with being seen at SUR.

 

I am going to choose my most unsuspecting friend and subject him or her to a WeHo field trip.

 

I am puzzled as to how Motorboating Tequila Katie is so upset over Schwartz' kissing on another woman when she was "nuzzling" another guy.  Isn't  that kind of the same thing?  I mean Schwartz didn't admit to just taking his shoes off but I'm thinking one is kinda like the other.

 

Jax is a shit stirring douche.

 

Somehow last week I missed the scene of Kristen and Muppet Busboy washing the Selfie Beamer.  I think my brain shut itself off in its own best interest.  Anyhow, I saw it earlier, I'm still traumatized and I'm laughing over Muppet believing Kristen's claim of his junk being bigger than FI's.  Yep, this is exactly like high school.

 

Yes, FI.  I'm sure you've met 50 gay mayors.  And males.

[ScoobieDoobs]

I noticed MT Katie didn't deny the motorboating when Schemer brought it up again.  Hmmmm.

Schwartz doesn't know why he can't stay mad at Jax?  Could it be luv, Schwartzie?  Somethin' else?

[Stinger97]

Any idea how much Sandoval and Jax were getting paid to "pass trays"? Because, like, if you're getting paid well enough, who really cares if you're basically a glorified table? Although Jax couldn't even do that without spilling a drink, so he's less skilled than a well-balanced table.

 

I, along with some of you, was getting the vibe that Schwartz also had sex with someone while in Vegas. It felt a little like he was ready to come clean about it all and then, once he saw Katie's reaction from just the "uh, I made out with someone...", he thought better of letting the cat completely out of the bag. Either way, it was still pretty gross and I can't blame Katie for questioning Schwartz entirely now that she knows one of many rumors circulating are true. 

 

Did anything else even happen? Stassi sat down with Kristen and I think I checked out as soon as the two of them took a sip of their wine. I just don't care.

[Persnickety1]

Lisa said they are doing coke? A few of them definitely seem to be on something but Schwartz is the worst.

I don't understand women like Katie. Is she that desperate to get married? What kind of future does she see with this guy? Where does she see her life in ten years with a guy who won't work and flees in a panic during the first hour of his first shift working in 4 years?

That kind of goes for all of them. Where do they see themselves in ten years? Do they really think they are just bartending and waiting tables until they get their big acting/modeling break?

Do they have other options if that big break never happens? Which it won't.

I just don't understand these people.

 

She said Jax has a little issue with the nose candy.

 

When Andy asked her about Jax having a deviated septum or was it just for vanity reasons, Lisa, for some inexplicable reason, decided to say she didn't know if it was a deviated septum or caused by his intranasal use of substances.  Not her words, my words, but yes, she totally outed Jax and his coke use on WWHL.

 

I lost any smidgeon of an iota of respect for that woman I had as I watched that unfold.  Andy was not going there, and I think even he was shocked when Lisa did.

 

I'm beginning to wish more of her employees would sue her.  And this coming from someone (me) who loathes Jax.  It was grossly inappropriate.  

 

(ETA:  Not once did she say she was kidding or her usual "Oh, Andy, I'm only joking" bullshit, either...She laid it out there and then after a few awkward moments Andy changed the subject)

Edited December 9, 2014 by Persnickety1

[ScoobieDoobs]

She said Jax has a little issue with the nose candy.

 

 

At first I thought that was total bullshit.  And yet, he acts like he's doing blow regularly.  So do the Toms & Katie & Kristen & even Muppet.  And I don't mean the cheating shit.  I mean their general behavior is so whacked, it's more than just being kinda drunk or outright wasted.  What I don't understand is why Lisa and Andy would employ people they suspect or know are doing drugs.  Guess it makes for a more entertaining show?  And anything bad resulting from the drug usage is just more stuff to be used on the show, eh?

 

Makes me realize Lisa is just as slimy as Andy.  They're both using these chucklefucks & the chucklefucks are letting themselves be used cuz none of 'em have anything else goin' for 'em.

 

I don't think they're all doing drugs.  I don't think Schemer or Stassi is.  Peter?  Haven't a clue.  Sure, he seems to be a dependable worker for Lisa, but he also seems like a really sleazy character.  I wouldn't trust him for a second.

Edited December 10, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[Maharincess]

She said Jax has a little issue with the nose candy.

When Andy asked her about Jax having a deviated septum or was it just for vanity reasons, Lisa, for some inexplicable reason, decided to say she didn't know if it was a deviated septum or caused by his intranasal use of substances. Not her words, my words, but yes, she totally outed Jax and his coke use on WWHL.

I lost any smidgeon of an iota of respect for that woman I had as I watched that unfold. Andy was not going there, and I think even he was shocked when Lisa did.

I'm beginning to wish more of her employees would sue her. And this coming from someone (me) who loathes Jax. It was grossly inappropriate.

(ETA: Not once did she say she was kidding or her usual "Oh, Andy, I'm only joking" bullshit, either...She laid it out there and then after a few awkward moments Andy changed the subject)

As I,was reading your comment I was thinking that she probably did her little laugh at the end to pretend she was joking, then I read the last line.

What an asshole. I've never liked Lisa and Ken too much. I've seen Ken toss his keys at a valet without a word to him and the seem to treat wait staff the same way. I rarely hear a thank you from them.

[Ubiquitous]

I think tray passing means they walk around with trays, either with food or drinks, and pass them out. Although the way Tom described it, he made it sound like they just stand there, like a "table" as he called it. In the footage it looked like they were actually serving people though.

I couldn't help but laugh at their indignation at having to serve food instead of bartend, no doubt b/c that gives them eady access to the booze, but Jax managed to grab a tray of champagne and then pretended to spill his tray as a diversion so Lisa Vanderbucks wouldn't bust him. Smooth move, Jax!