S03.E05: In the Doghouse

[ihartcoffee]

What gets me bout Stass is the way she judges everyone else on their morals.  Um, who in the fuckety fuck put her in charge of judging these chucklefucks on their er, morals -- or rather, lack of any?  That's our job, thank you.

 

And anyone else notice how Schemer seems sooooo "judge-y" also?  It's like her time as Eddie's skank has been completely erased from her memory -- and she seems to assume it has been erased from everyone else's memory,  Except sorry, Schemer, hun, it hasn't.

She's getting married yanno! That makes her better. Total sarcasm.

They only thing I like about Schemer is her refusal to kiss Stassi's ass.

[Maharincess]

Yup, dat's what I thought motorboating is. Jax is supposedly straight & he don't know dat? WTF??

Schemer seemed to be quite knowledgeable bout motorboating -- whatever the fuck they think it is. Maybe something she shared with Eddie?

OK, so did Lisa pretty much ask Stassi if she'd come back to SUR & she said no? I still wanna know how she's supporting herself. Gay Daddy or Ghost Patrick or both? She still doesn't seem to give a shit bout anything except making comments bout everyone else. Thought I would luv her Pinot line, but it was really snotty. Schemer looked like she wanted to smash her face. Can't blame huh.

So Jax says he's 34, but Carmen said he's 35 & probably now he's at least 36. His parents still paying his insurance? Do any of his tats say "LOSER"?

Can I ask a question? I'm just curious (nosy) about why you write "dat" instead of "that". The only people I've ever seen do that are my "tween" nieces on Facebook.

Just curious if there's a reason for "dat" and "da".

Like I said.....nosy.

[SuzWhat]

At first, I was thinking maybe Jax is smarter than we think and this is just revenge for Katie and others doing their best to break up him and Stassi.

Then, I realizes I hadn't eaten anything today, ate something and, no. He's just a stupid fuck.

[FozzyBear]

Ok so Jax hates Katie because she didn't send a Congratulation On Your New Nose card. Why does Scheena hate her? I really need some sort of petty argument flow chart for this show.

[JenE4]

If Stassi wants to earn her keep to be on this show, then she has to interact with the SUR staff more. I don't want to see her lunching with and styling Lisa--BORING! Having lunch with Katie and that girl who is ALWAYS there and yet I have no idea what her name is isn't good enough, either. Losing the card flip and having to spend 5 minutes at the "losers" table was a small start, but she needs more than that! Is she really refusing to see Jax? If she won't film any scenes with him, then she has to go! I'm sure she convinced Andy that she IS the show and they were willing to bend over backwards to get her on by any means possible. But if she's only going to talk to Lisa and Katie, then GTFO my tv, Stassi. You're just wasting air-time. Now, if she wants to have a big drama confronting Jax directly and saying what a loser he is compared to her new boyfriend, then have at it, and I'll reassess my opinion of her entertainment value this season.

[JenE4]

Ok so Jax hates Katie because she didn't send a Congratulation On Your New Nose card. Why does Scheena hate her? I really need some sort of petty argument flow chart for this show.

Because Scheana is now BFF with Kristin--they even have matching tattoos! So since Kristin doesn't like Katie, neither can Scheana. And Ariana is in a tough position because she truly was BFF with Scheana (back when Kristin/Katie/Sassi were BFFs), so she doesn't understand why her best friend is ALSO best friends with her enemy. ... ok, on second thought, I want to revise my post from a few minutes ago. I get why Stassi just wants to avoid this whole crowd at this point!

[OnceSane]

Please keep the conversation on the episode, and not on how people post.

[psychoticstate]

They only thing I like about Schemer is her refusal to kiss Stassi's ass.

 

 

This is an excellent point but I also love Schemer's one liners this season.  Calling StASSi a cult leader is golden.   I also enjoy her pointing out (rightfully so) that there is a fight every year during her party and she gets injured.

 

Which makes me wonder what is on tap for StASSI's birthday this year? 

 

I also had no idea you could motorboat a man's groin so thank you, Bravo! 

 

I cannot believe how much this show has grown on me.  I love it more than my luggage.

[ScoobieDoobs]

And I luved the look on Schemer's face in reaction to Stass ordering her Pinot in such a such a snotty way.  Setup for a future chick fight?  Maybe involving mud-wrestling, tequila -- or how bout motorboating?

[OnceSane]

Fashion show. *mic drop*

[lisalionheart]

I don't believe for one minute that Jax paid for his nose job. I'm sure BRAVO did it for a storyline because Jax has no storyline without it, I don't care how much it's denied.

 

 

I think the plastic surgeon probably comped it or gave it to Jax at a reduced rate. I doubt Bravo would pay for the surgery.

 

Every time they refer to things getting worse "since Stassi came back," I hear "since filming started again."

 

I agree that by motorboating, they mean nuzzling. Still, "I wasn't motorboating his dick. I was taking my shoes off" is one of the greatest lines I've ever heard.

[portfino]

 

Having lunch with Katie and that girl who is ALWAYS there and yet I have no idea what her name is isn't good enough, either.

Kristina is her name. She's terrible and just Stassi's lackey. I would rather watch The Muppet than her.

[ghoulina]

I was taking my shoes off" is one of the greatest lines I've ever heard.

 

Indeed. They need to use that for everything. Arianna walks in on Tom banging some other chick and he protests - "I was taking my shoes off!'

[Ubiquitous]

What gets me bout Stass is the way she judges everyone else on their morals.  Um, who in the fuckety fuck put her in charge of judging these chucklefucks on their er, morals -- or rather, lack of any?  That's our job, thank you.

 

And anyone else notice how Schemer seems sooooo "judge-y" also?  It's like her time as Eddie's skank has been completely erased from her memory -- and she seems to assume it has been erased from everyone else's memory,  Except sorry, Schemer, hun, it hasn't.

I cannot help but notice how much I like her fiancé, Shay, but it's probably b/c he never seems to speak, just glare at these morons who keep interupting his dinner with Schemer.

[Teddybear]

 

So why is Stass hangin' out in the former place she worked?

Goat cheese ballz!!! 

[ScoobieDoobs]

I cannot help but notice how much I like her fiancé, Shay, but it's probably b/c he never seems to speak, just glare at these morons who keep interupting his dinner with Schemer.

 

 

Yeah, but didn't everyone like Schwartzie before this season cuz he didn't say much?  OK, there was that drink-throwing at Tequila/Motorboat Katie, but still.-- I'm not so sure bout Shay.  I get kind of a douchey vibe from him.  But I liked those looks-to-kill he gave Muppet when he & Schemer were eating at SUR.

[Maharincess]

Please keep the conversation on the episode, and not on how people post.

Apologies. I meant no offense. There are so many different initials and different things that I can't keep track of, I just wondered if there was a special meaning behind writing that way.

[ihartcoffee]

I'm new to this show and the forums, but I also find it hilarious that Stassi keeps showing up at SUR just to get some food or have lunch with Lisa or whatever. But then she goes around saying, "I'm SO SO happy to not be here anymore..." stop showing up then. I..don't get it.  The dog is my favorite cast member of this show. I hope Lisa opens up a dog restaurant soon so this dog gets more camera time.

I think part of it is for cheap food, she told her to ring it up as wait staff. Usually staff gets a reduced price.

Stassi being on the show makes no sense.

I agree the dog is adorable.

[Ubiquitous]

Goat cheese ballz!!!

wait, I thought Stassi broke up with Jax?

Yeah, but didn't everyone like Schwartzie before this season cuz he didn't say much?  OK, there was that drink-throwing at Tequila/Motorboat Katie, but still.-- I'm not so sure bout Shay.  I get kind of a douchey vibe from him.  But I liked those looks-to-kill he gave Muppet when he & Schemer were eating at SUR.

Yeah, Shay looks like another douchebag, so I'm thankful he doesn't seem to speak.

I'm new to this show and the forums, but I also find it hilarious that Stassi keeps showing up at SUR just to get some food or have lunch with Lisa or whatever. But then she goes around saying, "I'm SO SO happy to not be here anymore..." stop showing up then. I..don't get it.  The dog is my favorite cast member of this show. I hope Lisa opens up a dog restaurant soon so this dog gets more camera time.

Alas, that would be the perfect excuse for Lisa Vanderbucks to subject us to her tiny dog.

[JenE4]

I think part of it is for cheap food, she told her to ring it up as wait staff. Usually staff gets a reduced price.

 

Not only that, but she scammed the system, too! She told whoever (Ariana?) to ring it up as a greek salad and then add "substitute goat cheese balls." I presume that the goat cheese balls are an entirely different, much pricer appetizer, and she had them throw them on a cheap house salad. I wonder what Lisa is going to think about that! Perhaps Kristin wasn't wrong when she was saying how everyone steals drinks and they practically tell you how to scam free stuff when they hand you your uniform. Apparently so! Wonder what Lisa will have to say about Stassi's goat cheese ball substitution theft along with Jax's stash of Van Der Pump vodka, SUR candles, and salt and pepper shakers!

[ghoulina]

Didn't Shay have a crying meltdown last season? And how come he's cool with other random dudes carrying his fiance out of the bar when her foot got cut open? Shay is off to me. 

 

 

 

edited because I seriously sounded drunk when I posted this.

Edited December 4, 2014 by ghoulina

[OnceSane]

Shay is like Sonny Corinthos on General Hospital, he doesn't carry his women, he hires others to do that for him. ;)

[heatherchandler]

I think Shay is super creepy. I get a real weirdo vibe from him.

I am getting really sick of Lisa to be honest. Seems like the "fame" has gone to her head. Prancing around with Lance Bass? Isn't she like 65 years old?

[OnceSane]

I think Lisa thinks she has way more influence and/or popularity in Hollywood than she actually does.

[TattleTeeny]

"I wasn't motorboating his dick. I was taking my shoes off" is one of the greatest lines I've ever heard.

 

Like something you'd read on that "Overheard at..." website.

 

Because Scheana is now BFF with Kristin--they even have matching tattoos!

 

Do these people never shrink from getting ill-advised tattoos? Maybe we'll soon see them on some ink cover-up show.

Edited December 4, 2014 by TattleTeeny

[beaker73]

Didn't Shay have a crying meltdown last season? And how come he's cool with other random dudes carrying his fiance out of the bar when her foot got cut open? Shay is off to me. 

 

 

 

edited because I seriously sounded drunk when I posted this.

He's mostly off to me because he's marrying Scheana.

 

I was really distracted by the piece of food hanging out on the tip of Jax's schnoz during the lunch with Katie and The Toms. I kept waiting for it to fall off, but it never did.

[Ubiquitous]

He's mostly off to me because he's marrying Scheana.

 

I was really distracted by the piece of food hanging out on the tip of Jax's schnoz during the lunch with Katie and The Toms. I kept waiting for it to fall off, but it never did.

Are you sure that wasn't blood, instead of jelly donut debris?

[beaker73]

Are you sure that wasn't blood, instead of jelly donut debris?

Eew. That was so gross.  Schena was all like, "Uh, no, that's not blood gushing down his face.  It's totally jelly."

[jennylauren123]

Motorboating is called motorboating because of the sound it (ostensibly) makes when you do it, you know, face moving side to side between the breasts. I can't imagine that doing the same thing lower, on a guy, would produce the same sound--so no, they don't know what they're talking about.

 

No surprise there, though, really. 

[AnnieBananie]

The most awkward moment in this episode - and in this episode, that's saying a lot - was when Lisa and Todd sat down to dinner at SUR and discovered that Kristin was their waitress. Lisa was stunned, Todd didn't say anything at all, and Kristin just kept babbling on. 

 

Todd's right, though - why do they keep giving her a million chances? Just fire her already (and she can moon around Muppet and look pathetic).

[BogoGog24]

Simple. They know she adds good drama for the show. She certainly hasn't kept any of these people for their actual work skills, if they even have any.

I've been watching season 1 since I never saw it and she fired the old bartender/Stassi's ex Frank for making a juvenile threat towards a drunk customer. While it was a valid reason to fire him, the others have done worse, and I believe the only real reason she fired him was because he wasn't as important to the cast as the others.

[Ubiquitous]

Eew. That was so gross.  Schena was all like, "Uh, no, that's not blood gushing down his face.  It's totally jelly."

that reminds me of something non one's mentioned yet. Was Jax actually BRAGGING about not following his doctor's recovery orders?

[The Mighty Peanut]

I'm 34 (well, 35, but if Jax can randomly shave a year off his age than so can I) and I would love to be on my parents' insurance. Mine sucks. Where do I sign up?

[meeeeech]

I just thought of something. Maybe Jax is so possessive of his Toms because they help him pay for stuff? Wasn't FI Tom complaining that he bought all of Muppet's drinks since he was a lowly busboy (enough for Muppet to buy a BMW, he said! 35K+ worth of drinks, maybe I should move to LA and start cozying up to FI Tom?) and maybe Schwartz has extra petty cash since Tequila Katie pays for everything? Clearly Jax feels entitled to mooch off his dad and get free plastic surgery. Purely speculation but I wouldn't be surprised.

[Persnickety1]

I just thought of something. Maybe Jax is so possessive of his Toms because they help him pay for stuff? Wasn't FI Tom complaining that he bought all of Muppet's drinks since he was a lowly busboy (enough for Muppet to buy a BMW, he said! 35K+ worth of drinks, maybe I should move to LA and start cozying up to FI Tom?) and maybe Schwartz has extra petty cash since Tequila Katie pays for everything? Clearly Jax feels entitled to mooch off his dad and get free plastic surgery. Purely speculation but I wouldn't be surprised.

 

Not to mention that creepy idolatry the Toms have for Jax.

 

Seriously, Jax fucks your girlfriend on more than one occasion, lies about it repeatedly, finally confesses with all the dirty details and...You're back to being his BFF just a few short months later?  Even while Jax says he was doing you a solid by fucking said girlfriend?

 

I just find that all sorts of jacked up.  But then again pretty much everything about this motley crew is jacked up.

 

And Schwartz (bless his heart, he was so much more tolerable before he had all of this screen time of him actually speaking)...He adopts an adorable little dog to keep Tequila Kate distracted from the topic of marriage and children?

 

And is it just me or does Jax's therapist look like she'd hit it in a hot damn minute if she wasn't afraid of losing her license?  I mean, to me her professional behavior is in question simply by virtue of being on this treasure chest of snark, but...Yeah, I get the feeling she gets the warm fuzzies in her nether region whenever Jax is in her office.

 

And yet in spite of all of the above disgust and dismay, I continue to love this hot mess more and more every week.  

[ScoobieDoobs]

Oh man, I just treasured dat look Schemer gave Stass when she said "I don't know what I've done to you, but I'll take a Pinot Grigio."  Did she ever get the Pinot?.  Cuz it looked like Schemer wanted to throw one at huh.  Wish she did.

 

Not to mention that creepy idolatry the Toms have for Jax.

 

 

Ah, well, he only completely humiliated the fuck outta Schwartzie's girlfriend -- and did Schwartzie say anything back to defend her?  Er, nooooo.  And he slept with FI's live-in girlfriend of 6 years & now they're best buds again -- as if he did nothing.  So yeah, whatever is going on between Jax & the Toms -- the deets are def not being shared with us.  

 

Andy said he thinks they're all one cocktail away from doing anything gay.  Oh, I'd say that line was crossed long ago -- no drink necessary.

[Shelby]

Oh man, I just treasured dat look Schemer gave Stass when she said "I don't know what I've done to you, but I'll take a Pinot Grigio." Did she ever get the Pinot?. Cuz it looked like Schemer wanted to throw one at huh. Wish she did.

She brought out one glass of Pinot and gave it to Lisa.

I can't stand Assi living a life of leisure and lunching with Vanderbucks like she's on equal footing. I want the show to get back to the antics of it's loser staff!

[ScoobieDoobs]

I can't stand Assi

 

 

Assi?  Assi?  Oh my, I musta missed this one before, but me likey!  Well, is it OK to use this one in future ep threads?  Will everyone know who this is?  Come now -- who else here could be Assi?  Hee!

[Shelby]

Assi? Assi? Oh my, I musta missed this one before, but me likey! Well, is it OK to use this one in future ep threads? Will everyone know who this is? Come now -- who else here could be Assi? Hee!

Stassi is such a prissy name, I just couldn't bring myself to type it last night.