Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[lookeyloo]

Happy birthday Happy!  I too can't take Prilosec with the same results as Barb23. Now the newest info is that it isn't meant for the long term but getting off is hard because of rebound. Right now I'm not bothered by the reflux. That could change in a minute but recently the Braggs Apple cider vinegar has done wonders. 

 

Another topic - we moved from Baton Rouge in December. Now they (and other parts of south Louisiana) have had that dreadful rain and flooding. A number of my friends have water in their houses. One has lived in her house for 37 years with not a problem. Our former subdivision is dry - other friends have no water in house but the area is in a huge mess. Recovering from Gustave was a nightmare. This will be another. Feel so bad for all of them. 

[CherryMalotte]

Had my gallbladder out years ago.  No big deal, though I was still in that achy post childbirth state, since it was only a month or so after I had my daughter.  I remember the pain being horrendous and just sick feeling, trip to the ER and out it came.  I remember two things from that hospital stay - one was I had one of the nicest most gorgeous nurses that ever walked the face of the earth, sweet as the day is long and looked like Elizabeth Taylor's twin sister, and I had just the oddest girl as a room mate.  She was in there for digestive ailments due to some sort of drug problem, as much as I can remember.  She was a trip.  

Took my father today for Number One of the cataracts.  He did really well, tolerated the surgery and the doc was very happy.  He did pull an end run on me that I was not too happy about - it's my daughter's birthday today (which he never mentioned, doubt if he knows what day her birthday is even with just the one grandchild) and I was hoping to leave there right after his recovery time.  Now the nurse had mentioned to me two weeks ago that if dad was able to wait around for three or so hours after surgery the doc would see how he was doing so he wouldn't have to do a next day return visit.  Yes, I know, that does sound better than having to go right back up the next day, it makes sense.  However...daughter's birthday.  He had a ride lined up already for tomorrow so until this past Sunday I figured that I would be free from noon onward.  Ohhhhh nooooo, come to find out he told his already scheduled ride that he didn't need him and told me 'oh we'll wait'.  Guess the nurse called and had mentioned that option as well, so without consulting me he went for it.  I'm a bit peeved, I could have made plans with my child on her special day but...foiled again.  

I think he's pissed that I have put my foot down, that I'm going to take him to have the other cataract done and we will see what we have to do with his radiation, but no more running.  He is a big boy, he can arrange rides for himself.  I'm done, exhausted, used up, and getting really bitter.  I've decided after our excursion in radiation and Christmas that I'm going to line up some much needed medical visits and very much needed counseling for myself, if for nothing else then help with how do deal with him.  

Happy birthday to HFC!  

[crazycatlady58]

Happy  birthday  HFC. Hopen you had a great  one.

[Arwen Evenstar]

Aw, Cherry, sorry you have had to go through all this crap ..getting some time to take care of yourself will be just what the doctor ordered.

[emma675]

Happy birthday, HFC! It sounds like it was a very nice one.

Cherry, you do you, lady! Sometimes we have to put our foot down with family members (even the nice ones) taking advantage of our time, our lives and our sanity. It's okay to say enough is enough and take time for yourself. I think we women forget that a lot.

[zoomama]

is it weird that i am having a birthday celebration at the end of the month because i am grateful to be turning 60? my mom died at 59 and we had such similar health histories that for 17 years now i have dreaded that 59th year. i told my husband that if i made it past her length of life, i wanted a party. and so, 60 i will be with a smile on my face!

[Love2dance]

18 minutes ago, zoomama said:

is it weird that i am having a birthday celebration at the end of the month because i am grateful to be turning 60? my mom died at 59 and we had such similar health histories that for 17 years now i have dreaded that 59th year. i told my husband that if i made it past her length of life, i wanted a party. and so, 60 i will be with a smile on my face!

Not weird at all. 60 is a number to celebrate no matter what, and now you can celebrate for both you and your mom. Happy birthday. ZOOMAMA!  ?

[Natalie68]

Today is a strange day.  I just got word the house my family is selling is on track to close tomorrow.   

Both of my parents are gone and my sisters and I had been fighting the trustee of my fathers estate for over a year via lawsuit and eventually mediation which is a joke  (he had alcohol related dementia and was taken advantage of by a sociopath who didn't allow us to see him except for an hour 4 days before death).  Anyhoo, she is gone, we finally got the house back, and nearly lost it to foreclosure (she stole the equity while he was on his death bed and Celink/Urban/Aegean is making US pay even though they called it embezzlement and fraud).  Its very strange selling the house your family has owned for 45 years and the only one you remember.

As I said its a strange day but also very freeing.  Bad memories from the last 12 years maybe can start going away.  I never have to go back to my hometown again (woohoo!).  And I have a much closer relationship with my 2 sisters.

If anyone ever goes through an elder abuse situation I have some advice for you.  Never trust APS (Adult Protective Services), they are worthless.  Trust attorneys CAN be very crooked (like ours, the bar is investigating him now, its at the enforcement/maybe prosecution stage).  Know that law enforcement doesn't have the resources to investigate elder abuse and financial elder abuse.  Know that all the laws Kerry Kasem is getting on the books will do nothing because law enforcement doesn't have the resources (or in my opinion, inclination) to investigate.  Also, it is a sad thing to realize but family friends as well as family don't want to get involved.  We reached out to everyone we could think of and all they could say was I am sorry.  Also hospice WILL ban family on the word of the trustee.  She said SHE had problems with us and to not tell us how he was doing or let us see him.

Sorry for the word vomit.  I had to get it off my chest and no one in real life needs to hear my bitching about it AGAIN!

[zoomama]

50 minutes ago, Natalie68 said:

Today is a strange day.  I just got word the house my family is selling is on track to close tomorrow.   

Both of my parents are gone and my sisters and I had been fighting the trustee of my fathers estate for over a year via lawsuit and eventually mediation which is a joke  (he had alcohol related dementia and was taken advantage of by a sociopath who didn't allow us to see him except for an hour 4 days before death).  Anyhoo, she is gone, we finally got the house back, and nearly lost it to foreclosure (she stole the equity while he was on his death bed and Celink/Urban/Aegean is making US pay even though they called it embezzlement and fraud).  Its very strange selling the house your family has owned for 45 years and the only one you remember.

As I said its a strange day but also very freeing.  Bad memories from the last 12 years maybe can start going away.  I never have to go back to my hometown again (woohoo!).  And I have a much closer relationship with my 2 sisters.

If anyone ever goes through an elder abuse situation I have some advice for you.  Never trust APS (Adult Protective Services), they are worthless.  Trust attorneys CAN be very crooked (like ours, the bar is investigating him now, its at the enforcement/maybe prosecution stage).  Know that law enforcement doesn't have the resources to investigate elder abuse and financial elder abuse.  Know that all the laws Kerry Kasem is getting on the books will do nothing because law enforcement doesn't have the resources (or in my opinion, inclination) to investigate.  Also, it is a sad thing to realize but family friends as well as family don't want to get involved.  We reached out to everyone we could think of and all they could say was I am sorry.  Also hospice WILL ban family on the word of the trustee.  She said SHE had problems with us and to not tell us how he was doing or let us see him.

Sorry for the word vomit.  I had to get it off my chest and no one in real life needs to hear my bitching about it AGAIN!

that is heartbreaking. i am sorry for your many losses. 

[Natalie68]

Just now, zoomama said:

that is heartbreaking. i am sorry for your many losses. 

Thank you.  It was and is horrendous.  We actually think she killed him (we found two hypos hidden in the house and he was not prescribed any injectable meds AT ALL).  He was not terminal and the last doctor he saw was 3 days before what she said was a precipitous decline and he was bed bound and unable to speak.  That doctor expected to see him 2 months later.  When she found out my sister (co trustee, we found out 7 years after she was appointed, the atty didn't inform her) was calling and gathering medical reports the trustee told them to stop, don't give us anything and they went along with it despite the fact he was our father and my sister had the legal right.  The trust atty also told the docs to make us get a subpoena.  What we found out is this was a long con (and her AKA is that of a hispanic male, WTF?) after major investigation.  She bankrupted his business as well as him.  Turned family against us and basically said all we wanted was his stuff (so not true).  You'd think law enforcement would be interested.  Nope.  Despite reams of evidence available to them.  They never even spoke to us, only her and the trust atty.  Who by the way is refusing to give us the records WE paid for.  Think they are hiding something??  Hopefully karma takes care of her one day.  

[Love2dance]

37 minutes ago, Natalie68 said:

Thank you.  It was and is horrendous.  We actually think she killed him (we found two hypos hidden in the house and he was not prescribed any injectable meds AT ALL).  He was not terminal and the last doctor he saw was 3 days before what she said was a precipitous decline and he was bed bound and unable to speak.  That doctor expected to see him 2 months later.  When she found out my sister (co trustee, we found out 7 years after she was appointed, the atty didn't inform her) was calling and gathering medical reports the trustee told them to stop, don't give us anything and they went along with it despite the fact he was our father and my sister had the legal right.  The trust atty also told the docs to make us get a subpoena.  What we found out is this was a long con (and her AKA is that of a hispanic male, WTF?) after major investigation.  She bankrupted his business as well as him.  Turned family against us and basically said all we wanted was his stuff (so not true).  You'd think law enforcement would be interested.  Nope.  Despite reams of evidence available to them.  They never even spoke to us, only her and the trust atty.  Who by the way is refusing to give us the records WE paid for.  Think they are hiding something??  Hopefully karma takes care of her one day.  

So very sorry for your loss and the nightmare you are going through. May you get through this as best you can, and then find your way to peace again. Hugs.

[lookeyloo]

@Natalie68 That is a dreadful situation. So sorry you and your sisters had to go through this.  

[NewDigs]

@Natalie68 Oh, how horrible! Your current situation is so terrible it is diificult to comprehend just what a roller-coaster you and sibs are on. My brain would be fried!

So sorry. I hope you find some peace. wow.

[CherryMalotte]

Oh Natalie68, I am really sorry for all that.  That's beyond horrible, it's some effed up fairy tale dimensions of awful.  Yeah, karma is a bitch and I hope it bites that trustee and her accomplices in the ass.  Hard.  If you wait long enough it'll happen.  As much as my dad is a self centered needy ass jerkrod I'd never wish that on him.  And it happens probably way way way more often than gets reported.  

Ugh...I'm getting my drink on this coming weekend.  It's really only Tuesday?

[emma675]

Natalie68, I hope karma hits her in the form of a big city bus going 50 mph. I'm not usually a violent person but elder abuse, animal abuse and child abuse makes me stabby. They are all so vulnerable and unable to defend themselves.

[Natalie68]

Thank you so much everyone!  It means the world to me to have support.  

What I can say is my sisters and I are closer than we ever were so that makes me very happy.  Our family is now very small but its quality not quantity!  And best of all, we have our LIVES back.  I want a big bottle of expensive bubbly.  

[NewDigs]

Cheers, everyone! Though I think we'll need more than one.

[bigskygirl]

Is it Friday yet? What a week. Between the eye doctor appointment, appointment with the endocrinologist, and the appointment this morning, I am worn out. My thyroid levels are off again, so another lovely med dosage change. I now will have bifocal glasses for reading and computer. The insurance did not pay for the whole cost for new glasses so I will need to pay the rest of the bill before my eye doctor can order the new ones, and they will not pay for a new pair of prescription sunglasses. UGH!!! Good news is my vision changed a little, and I am able to see well when I wear my sunglasses. The specialist told me a change in weather and different seasons can cause a person's thyroid levels to change. I feel like I have the flu. It was kinda of sweet when my doctor kept saying he was sorry I was sick. The other unmentionable doctor would not have been so kind and understanding. I said it could be worse, and the doctor said it could be better. On the way home from my appointment this morning, I had to stop or pull over for a bunch of emergency vehicles (fire department, sheriff deputy and a police officer.) Scary when they are going like a bat out of you know where.

[emma675]

Thyroid problems are like that--you have to constantly stay on top of things because levels can swing around (esp. if you still have remnants of your thyroid left). I have a winter dosage level and a summer dosage level, lol! I had to drop back on my Westhroid a little recently because I've been exercising more and lost weight and didn't need as much medication. When I put a few pounds back on this winter, I'll go up again.

[bigskygirl]

Frustrating is it not? I am on a half of pill for five days, and two whole pills for two days. At least the doctor is working hard to help me feel better, and he orders the right tests and reads the results the right way. I went in yesterday afternoon for the appointment, had the blood test, and the nurse called with the results and new med dosage, and when to come back to the lab for another thyroid level blood test within a few hours.

[Defrauder]

Bringing up family situations maybe my sharing will make others feel lucky they aren't in mine.  Married for 12 years now to a guy that told me he was never married before.  I had never been married before.  I was 38, he was 52.  We both had sons from previous relationships.  His son was 16, my son was 10 when we were married 2 years after dating.  So, 3 years ago I had to go through some paperwork to get our taxes together and I find various deeds from the 80's in his name and his WIFE's name.  Surprise!  I had never met my husband's EX as my husband said that he was given sole custody of his son and she was no longer in his life in any way. They were official deeds he signed.  I confronted him and he tried to say it was no big deal and shouldn't be a problem.  I have MS, I'm taking care of my son, I felt trapped - still do and just make the best of things.  About 5 years ago when his son moved out of the house his son suddenly became very religious with Islam.  OK.  He took it too extremes, got married, his wife wears a burka, and he is on a watch list where he can not board a plane because of his extremist views and extremist behavior.  I can't deal with THAT, so I do not have contact with him, but my husband still does (though not in our house, I don't want myself or my son around his extremist lifestyle).  So extremist son of my husband  has at least one daughter now, my husband NEVER brings up his son or granddaughter and I just wish I never got married - although I wonder if I'm even married since my 'husband' stated on all of the marriage license applications that he was never married before.    I just make the best of things.  I can't handle the stress of getting a divorce because my husband would make it as difficult on me as he possibly could.  

[Tabbygirl521]

{{{{defrauder}}}}

Finding out you have been lied to by someone you love and trust sounds like a special kind of hell. I hope you find a way to go forward with the kind of life you really want. 

Religous zealots are another kind of hell I am so sorry. 

Edited August 19, 2016 by Tabbygirl521

[Defrauder]

4 minutes ago, Tabbygirl521 said:

{{{{defrauder}}}}

Finding out you have been lied to by someone you love and trust sounds like a special kind of hell. I hope you find a way to go forward with the kind of life you really want. 

Religous zealots are another kind of hell I am so sorry. 

Thank you Tabbygirl that is really sweet.  I enjoy my painting, photography, gardening and poetry and my son, so I have some good things too.  I have just not been lucky with abusive men, par for the course.  May have to change my name to Defrauded. 

[emma675]

Ugh, Defrauder, I can't even imagine the betrayal. <<hugs>>

[Defrauder]

3 minutes ago, emma675 said:

Ugh, Defrauder, I can't even imagine the betrayal. <<hugs>>

Thanks!

[NewDigs]

ohmygosh @Defrauder

I think we all live and learn in our relationships but what's been handed to you is, I wish I could say, unbelievable, but you are having to live it.

I'm glad you have the comfort of your son and have activities that can "transport" you. 

{{{hugs}}}

[Defrauder]

10 hours ago, NewDigs said:

ohmygosh @Defrauder

I think we all live and learn in our relationships but what's been handed to you is, I wish I could say, unbelievable, but you are having to live it.

I'm glad you have the comfort of your son and have activities that can "transport" you. 

{{{hugs}}}

Thanks NewDigs.  Sometimes what happens in people's lives makes them stronger.  I'm strong not because of what's happened to me but despite it.  I really enjoy my hobbies and when that guy I married or didn't marry is around I just try to ignore him when I can.  When I can't I just make the best of things and think oh well not everyone has an ideal relationship.  What have I lost?  Nothing because you can't lose something that you've never had so I didn't lose an honest person who respected me and cared about me.  What did he lose?  Everything that was worth keeping.  

[Defrauder]

Plus I'm a really lucky person in that I never expected my husband to be my sole source of happiness.  I look forward to everyday, I have another painting to work on, another poem to complete, another flower blooming.  I'm a very happy person overall and enjoy so many things.  I'm probably a lot happier than some people are who depend on one person in life to make their lives perfect or to complete them. Although if that works for them that's fine.  I've always had happiness independent of any romantic catastrophe.  A certain perspective and humor that just rides the tide of life's ups and downs. 

[NewDigs]

9 hours ago, Defrauder said:

Plus I'm a really lucky person in that I never expected my husband to be my sole source of happiness.  I look forward to everyday, I have another painting to work on, another poem to complete, another flower blooming.  I'm a very happy person overall and enjoy so many things.  I'm probably a lot happier than some people are who depend on one person in life to make their lives perfect or to complete them. Although if that works for them that's fine.  I've always had happiness independent of any romantic catastrophe.  A certain perspective and humor that just rides the tide of life's ups and downs. 

You've got some serious strength and resilience! 

It's really helped you to better appreciate so many things when some would be making a shit-sandwich.

I admire you and hope you remain you. 

Hubby doesn't appreciate what he's got.

[Love2dance]

Wow, @Defrauder, I really admire your strength, attitude and determination. Hoping you can look forward to happier times. You deserve so much more. And, has been said, his loss!! ((Hugs!))

[zoomama]

On 8/19/2016 at 0:44 PM, Defrauder said:

 - although I wonder if I'm even married since my 'husband' stated on all of the marriage license applications that he was never married before. 

if you could PM me some of your info i can look and see if there is a recorded marriage in your name or not....

[Happyfatchick]

Happy weekend everybody!  

@Defrauder, you really do qualify to change your name to Defrauded.  Holy cow.  And the extremist thing reminds me of the Burkini stories I've heard on the news this week.  Haha!  (I mean, no offense...but if you want to wear a burka to the beach or the pool, why on earth would there be laws against it???  I mean, that is its own brand of hell all to itself, right?)

I don't have a good or funny story to tell right now, sorry.  But I will report this - my daughter (the Nicaragua missionary) and I have been sort of at a standstill lately.  Her oldest daughter came home not long ago, and she didn't tell me.  I found out of course, and asked why.  She told me I should reach out to her husband (Yassah, massah...) and maybe he would allow me to have contact with the children again.  So I did some intense research and couldn't find evidence anywhere saying hell had frozen... And I'm pretty sure I made some snarky remark about that, and so we reached a stalemate.  

But today I get a text from her saying she needs me.  He (Yassah, massah) has come home indefinitely and she's devastated.  She's wondering if he's abandoned her there for good.  She had told me earlier she would come home when he made her - and apparently he has come home now without inviting her (or even caring whether she came along or not).  This is completely confusing for a big hearted girl who put her last ounce of faith, hope and trust in a narcissist.  Her own ministries there are just taking off, and he's just abandoning the whole thing, leaving her and four children (and one other female missionary) down there alone.  Yeehaw.  I had actually done a little research on getting my passport renewed - and now I have to get back on that immediately because maybe hell didn't freeze over completely (I don't think there's ice fishing) but there must have been a little frost warning.  

I've reached the place where I want her to be happy and feel fulfilled.  And if that means living in Nica, then so be it.  (Honesty compels me to admit that in my brain the whole sentence was "if that means living in Nica and he's not THERE, then woop woop!  So be it!")

side note:. I just watched a female hummingbird on my back deck preening and sitting in one spot for about 3-4 full minutes.  I've never seen one sit still for that long.  Yes, I am easily entertained.

[zoomama]

whoa HFC, that is bizarre. i would be terrified to be her down there alone. i hope you can get to the bottom of it.

[pinkie]

The other morning I opened my BR curtains & thought hmm, that's a face looking back at me on the other side. I am *not* the sort of person who wakes up instantly alert (or even after a couple of hours, lol) Btw, this was up on the 2nd floor. I vaguely wondered to myself why the face was so small. Then it dawned on me - it was a hummingbird right outside, maybe admiring its' reflection in the glass...how cool was that!

More proof of me not being "with it"  happened just this morning. I was on my way somewhere early, & suddenly felt that the daylight didn't seem quite the same. It was sunny so I had on sunglasses as usual, but something was "off". I kept wondering & closed each eye to see if it seemed the same, & decided I wld just wait it out. After 1/2 an hr of this, my next step was going to be to ask my husband (who luckily was doing the driving, not me, lol) if the light seemed weird to him. But before I cld do that, something pinched my cheek & I reached up to take off my sunglasses & check in the mirror. Yep, the sunglass rim had somehow broken - that was the "pinch" & yep, there was NO lens in the broken side...that was why the light seemed funny. Wow, I wonder how long I wld have NOT realized, lol! (or I cld just blame my husband for not actually looking at me during the trip to notice & instead just concentrates on the road ahead, lol) 

[Arwen Evenstar]

On August 19, 2016 at 4:52 PM, emma675 said:

Ugh, Defrauder, I can't even imagine the betrayal. <<hugs>>

@Defrauder, I'm so sorry to hear about all of this. I really hate all this for you to find out about your husband's duplicity, and your stepson's fanaticism. 

@Natalie68, so sorry to hear about all this mess with your father's estate and all the awful things his caregivers had done and the mess they left behind.

Big Sky and Sew Sumi, I'm also very sorry to hear about your ongoing health and well being issues.

Hope things get better for all  my peeps.

[Natalie68]

10 minutes ago, Arwen Evenstar said:

@Defrauder, I'm so sorry to hear about all of this. I really hate all this for you to find out about your husband's duplicity, and your stepson's fanaticism. 

@Natalie68, so sorry to hear about all this mess with your father's estate and all the awful things his caregivers had done and the mess they left behind.

Big Sky and Sew Sumi, I'm also very sorry to hear about your ongoing health and well being issues.

Hope things get better for all  my peeps.

THANK YOU!

[bigskygirl]

Thank you. My blood tests showed I am still hypothyroid. This explains being tired a lot and low energy. The ironic part is when I do finally fall asleep I have weird dreams. I had a strange dream or should I say nightmare about a few of the Duggars the other morning (even Josh was in it.) *Yikes*

[Love2dance]

2 hours ago, Happyfatchick said:

I don't have a good or funny story to tell right now, sorry.  But I will report this - my daughter (the Nicaragua missionary) and I have been sort of at a standstill lately.  Her oldest daughter came home not long ago, and she didn't tell me.  I found out of course, and asked why.  She told me I should reach out to her husband (Yassah, massah...) and maybe he would allow me to have contact with the children again.  So I did some intense research and couldn't find evidence anywhere saying hell had frozen... And I'm pretty sure I made some snarky remark about that, and so we reached a stalemate.  

But today I get a text from her saying she needs me.  He (Yassah, massah) has come home indefinitely and she's devastated.  She's wondering if he's abandoned her there for good.  She had told me earlier she would come home when he made her - and apparently he has come home now without inviting her (or even caring whether she came along or not).  This is completely confusing for a big hearted girl who put her last ounce of faith, hope and trust in a narcissist.  Her own ministries there are just taking off, and he's just abandoning the whole thing, leaving her and four children (and one other female missionary) down there alone.  Yeehaw.  I had actually done a little research on getting my passport renewed - and now I have to get back on that immediately because maybe hell didn't freeze over completely (I don't think there's ice fishing) but there must have been a little frost warning.  

I've reached the place where I want her to be happy and feel fulfilled.  And if that means living in Nica, then so be it.  (Honesty compels me to admit that in my brain the whole sentence was "if that means living in Nica and he's not THERE, then woop woop!  So be it!")

side note:. I just watched a female hummingbird on my back deck preening and sitting in one spot for about 3-4 full minutes.  I've never seen one sit still for that long.  Yes, I am easily entertained.

You don't have a funny story and yet your "So I did some intense research and couldn't find evidence anywhere saying hell had frozen..." absolutely cracked me up.

Until I got to the more serious side of your story with your daughter and the grands alone in Nicaragua. Oh my. You were SO right about her husband and I sure hope she finally sees this. (Wonder if he is related to Defrauder's "husband?")

Wishing you all the best outcome possible for this frightening episode. Your poor daughter. So glad she has you.

Hummingbirds are the most entertaining. Love watching them.

[magpye29]

Defrauder, I can so relate to your situation.  After my husband dumped me right before Christmas, I spent a long time trying to get my feet back under me.  Now I'm just kind of living day to day, putting my world in order.  I'm mostly happy--I was in a show in March, I usher at two of the major theatres in the area, belong to a book club with some well-educated, well-traveled women, work in a Catholic school, work on my fictionalized autobiography, and hang out with friends and family.  My future ex seems in no hurry to do anything about legally separating or divorcing, and I'm just hanging in there because the longer it takes him to do that, the longer he'll be paying me support.  It's just weird being married but not married at the same time.

My FE and I fought a lot at first, mostly because I couldn't stop picking at him.  I've felt so betrayed and hurt and angry.  As I come to terms with the fact that my marriage is over and the family I was a part of for almost 30 years no longer have anything to do with me (but they all just want me "to be happy"), I'm creating new routines and realities.  The funniest thing (although it pissed me off mightily at the time) was when my FE said he was devastated that I'm as happy as I'm ever going to be, and he feels responsible because he could never make me happy.  I immediately snapped back, "You don't know how happy I am when you're not here!" and I meant it in every way.  Seriously, though, we got into it because he went on to say that he knew I was going to say he never tried to make me happy, and he wanted to know what exactly he could have done, how I define trying to make me happy.  I was like, think of me first, cook the foods you know I like, especially when I ask you to do so, fill a Christmas stocking for me, throw me a birthday party, take me on a vacation without bringing your mother along, take me out to eat once in a while, and on and on and on.  He was gone for most of the early years of our marriage, deployed to Korea twice, three times to the Middle East, and once to Afghanistan.  The kids and I gave up so much when he came home from Korea and tried to live life as an Orthodox Jew only to give it up without explanation ten years later.  I know now that there will come a time when I thank him for dumping me, but I'm not quite there yet.

I've been keeping up with the forums but haven't posted because I wanted to be sure I was over my pity party.  It's been a rough couple of weeks lately, but I'm coping.  My almost 17-year-old dog suddenly failed and I had to have her put to sleep.  My father has been in and out of the hospital with heart and lung ailments (he's going back in for a third surgery in a couple of weeks), and my cousin passed away after a five-year battle with cancer.  I didn't get cast in any of the plays I auditioned for, but I'm okay with that because they were all fairly minor parts (I'm of a "certain" age, so roles are not as plentiful as they could be, and there's a lot of competition for what is available.).  

On a happier note, my son is getting married in Georgia in November, and I'm throwing a reception here in Massachusetts in December.  (None of my FE's family will travel for the actual wedding, and with my father's health situation, he and my mother probably won't, either.)  I got to see my son and his fiancee sing at Carnegie Hall with the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra Chorale in April, which was awesome.  

I've been enjoying everyone's posts in the various forums, but I have to confess, I'm a fan of door knocker earrings and I love raccoon eyeliner.  I think Jinger is very pretty, except for her Michael Kors skin tone.

[Barb23]

Hugs to everyone out there that needs them.  What made all this crappy stuff start happening? 

Magpye29 -Thanks for your update & checking in with us.  I've thought about you & wondered how you were doing. Sounds like even tho it will take time, you are finding a better life for yourself. 

[crazycatlady58]

I am having an interesting  time, I woke up the other morning ,  stumbled  around the apartment  as you do and noticed  My laptop  was not on the table .  I thought  about  it and said to myself ,  I live alone," some one stole my computer  when did that happen ".  I went to pick up  my cell and it was missing  along with the cord.  Then I go to my room  to get my eReader  and it is missing  my along  with the cord. Now I do not use the laptop  often so  was not sure when I saw it last but the cell   I plugged  in the night before and  heard it beep  before I went to sleep.  The eReader ,  I take  to bed with me and read myself  to sleep  every night. It stays  plugged  in on my nightstand all night. They were gone when I woke up . So my options  are I slept walked ,  which I have never done, unplugged all of my electronics, and took them somewhere  because  they are not in the  house  or someone  came in my house  at night and  took them. Both are very frightening .  I am the only one who has a key to the apartment  except  for the apartment  management . I had a Dr. Appointment  that day and spoke  with him, he said  none of my meds would cause me to sleep walk . I am in the process  of getting  a home security  system  of some type just not sure which  one. Thanks  for listening  to my small  problem ,  because  most of you are dealing  with things that are a lot  tougher . 

[Love2dance]

CRAZYCATLADY, that is just freaky and scary. I sure hope you changed all your locks and keys immediately. And get the security system sooner than soon!! Please let us know if you find out any more.

[magpye29]

Oh my gosh, crazycatlady, I would be terrified!  I never locked doors until I lived alone--my parents live almost directly across the street from me and haven't locked their doors (unless they're going out of town) since 1970.  Now when I wake up to go to bed, I feel a little freaked if my door was unlocked.  My mother, my aunt, my daughter, and FE all have keys to my apartment, so I'm more likely to come home and find things left for me, like dinner or cookies or something.  My downstairs neighbor was arrested for drug dealing--she actually would go to people's houses to make deliveries!--and they printed the address and described the house in the newspaper, which is why I started locking my door, because I was worried somebody would come looking for her and find me instead.

Barb, thanks for the encouragement.  I know good things are coming my way, it's just hard to be patient and wait for them!

[MunichNark]

I hope you went to the Police!  How utterly scary. And get those locks changed.

Have a lovely restful Sunday everyone, regardless of all the crap that may be or have been in your way

[Defrauder]

13 hours ago, Love2dance said:

Wow, @Defrauder, I really admire your strength, attitude and determination. Hoping you can look forward to happier times. You deserve so much more. And, has been said, his loss!! ((Hugs!))

Thanks LOVE2DANCE, that's very kind.  Hugs back.

[Defrauder]

12 hours ago, zoomama said:

if you could PM me some of your info i can look and see if there is a recorded marriage in your name or not....

I have a recorded marriage.  I have a marriage license.  I changed my last name.  The issue is he lied to me at the alter, he lied to me that he was never married before.  He said on the marriage license application that he had never been married.   So he either lied about it because he was never officially divorced, which he would have had to prove if he said he had been married before, or he just lied about his previous marriage because of some other reason.    I don't even care about the reason.  He refused to talk about it and insisted it wasn't a big deal and wants to walk around like he's perfect and it's only a problem if I make it a problem.  My life doesn't revolve around it.  It's just  a fck'd up thing that happened to me and I put my energy into things that I enjoy.

[crazycatlady58]

Magpye, strangely  enough  I am not afraid ,  just upset that I cannot  be as trusting. I lock my door ,  but when the weather  is nice I open my windows  and sometimes  sleep with them open, now I feel I cannot do that.I have started putting  the chain lock on. I did not call the police ,  I know  I should  have , but the door was locked ,  the windows were locked  with no sign of a break  in. I am the only one with a key. I was more worried  they would  look at me like I was losing  my mind, because  I am an old lady  who lives alone with 2 cats. I notified  the apartment  management , letting  then know I was the only one with a key  other  than their pass key. My greatest  fear  is that I did it, not being  aware of it, when you live alone  that is what you fear the most not being in control  of your  mind. But I manage a shoe store, am able to train my employees and talk with customers  ALL day, so I think  if I had the beginning  of some type  of dementia  someone  would  have said something . So thanks for the response ,  and for  yourself , my thoughts  are with  you  and as much as possible  look a head , not behind I believe  good things are  coming  your way. Take care.

[lookeyloo]

@crazycatlady - that is scary!  Son had a laptop stolen from dining room table but, they didn't lock their front door (stupid) and they didn't near anything.  Very discombobulating when that happens

@Defrauder - sad situation.  I'm happy that you can find solace and contentment within yourself and your activities.  same to @Magpye29 - thanks for the update

@HappyFatChick - what a situation!  And if he snaps his fingers, do you think she will go running back to him?  I'm sure at times you want to pull your hair out (or his).

[Happyfatchick]

@Crazycatlady, I'm not sure if that's the most frightening thing I ever heard, or if you at secretly related to me.  Because in MY family, that would be no theft, that would be:  ok, who has my stuff?????  I'm not sure I would have been able to switch the gears to  PROBLEM!, I would seriously be calling down the list to see who "got" me.  And just so you know, I'm filing that away for future use...

i am sorry, seriously.  That had to be the weirdest thing ever.  Bizarre.

@lookeyloo, he's bald (shaves his head) with a humongous bushy (ugly) black beard and big teeth.  No hair to pull - except that beard, and I'd LOVE to get ahold of that scraggly mess. I don't let their situation drive me bananas.  I can't dwell on it anymore.  I was making myself crazy, but the storyline changes every single day - it's hard to keep up with what's on the "ridiculous menu" every day.  I told her the other day she's either the strongest steel magnolia ever ever ever, or the dumbest girl on the planet.  She replied maybe both.  It's so hard to believe my child can be 35 years old and still frustrate me to the point of wanting to shake her.

so THIS post prompts a good story.  My mom, when she was still mobile and talking (but never making sense) was listening to us talk about someone my oldest child labeled "fugly" one night at dinner.  This is a woman who couldn't reliably show you her own bathroom, and who most definitely couldn't tell you what she ate (or even if she ate) for breakfast.  But she absolutely guffawed over "fugly", and it lasted almost 24 hours.  She'd be sitting there in front of the TV, or piddling with a word puzzle, and she would suddenly snort a little and say, "fugly".  

[Happyfatchick]

It's Tuesday and the last post I'm showing is mine.  Is that right?  

Well-sir-ee, My daughter is coming home from Nicaragua.  Her husband left a week ago with no plans to return. Came straight home and has been with THE OTHER WOMAN 24/7 since returning.  I'm not sure his mother even knows he's here.   Left her and the children alone down there.  [In fact, he sits less than 5 miles from me as I type this.]  She's tried to appeal to hm every way she could and tried to handle it on her own.  Finally she turned to another missionary, backed up her little Tonka truck and unloaded.  God bless this other lady - I don't know her.  But she managed to get my baby girl past (around if not past) the pain and shame and pride, and now the ball is rolling.  My daughter has called myself, her father and the current president of the board, and the board is bringing she and the children back to the states. Probably by the end of the month.  She is devastated and still wants an opportunity to pull this marriage back together.  But.  She's my kid, and like me, she's resilient and we bounce like Tigger.  She has the ability to earn money as a nurse, so they won't starve.  Also, she turned her back on all her family because at one point, he said it was the only way they could be together - if she wrote us off - because we busted him with his affair.  [Shes been texting me the whole time].  But she has bridges to mend now.  And she will and we'll all be ok again.  

This has been the most tumultuous, bullet-laden time of our lives on the commune over here in Crazyville.  I'm a nervous wreck.  I know she's torn to shreds, the "ministry" is gone, snatched out from under her feet, feels completely defeated, and that was her life dream.  She genuinely loves that nut job, and wants him involved in the children's lives. So many people to face, so much to explain, so many bridges to repair - all while finding a job, housing, taking care of the children.  She doesn't believe he will come back to her, but says she has to try.  Although my heart feels like lead and I'm sick with anxiety, this isn't about ME.  If you have any good thoughts, vibes or prayers, point them toward Nicaragua and blow them her way with a hug and a kiss.  Above all else, I want her to feel loved, supported and strong.  What a nightmare.