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S05.E12: Tough Stuff


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  On 4/27/2023 at 5:00 AM, llongori said:
  On 4/27/2023 at 11:38 PM, circumvent said:
  On 4/28/2023 at 1:13 AM, KaveDweller said:

I'm not sure what else the papers could have been other then a will. But if it was, I'm not sure why Gary would have been worried. Unless someone challenges a will, aren't the person's wishes generally carried out as expected? And there is not really anyone who would challenge it. I can't imagine his aunt doing that, and his only other family is his mother who he hasn't spoken too since he was a kid. 

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And as already pointed out, condos that are accessible? Doubt it. And it was on 2C, second floor. IF they had said it was on the ground floor, I could ignore the still absurd premise but no. I also think Maggie's building doesn't have an elevator

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Katherine, Katherine...  Greta's hesitancy to have a child because of her mental issues is too valid to brush off with "but you'll be there to help them through it."  It was a huge reason why I chose to remain childless.  Depression and addiction run down both sides of my family.  I've lived with the misery of both and there was NO WAY I was even going to chance passing that misery on to a child.  I don't believe suffering through misery with support is so much better than suffering without support that it's worth risking with a child.  Strictly my $.02.  YMMV.

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I assumed Gary was executing a will, health care proxy, etc. He just didn't want Maggie to know because she'd take it as a sign that he was dying. BUT (1) every adult should have these things anyway, (2) especially when you have a child with someone you are not married to (if Gary died intestate, his estate would pass to Javier, and the executor of the will would then set it up as a trust for his benefit until he turned the age of majority), and (3) Gary's request for Katherine to keep it between them was for the viewer's benefit, because all lawyers must keep dealings with their clients confidential.

I was going to say, good catch on the 2C thing, but others have pointed out that Eddie has been getting to Gary and Maggie's apartment forever by the super, secret elevator that all the other cast members avoid in favor of the stairs.

I agree about the risks of a bipolar parent having a child. Bipolar is tough to treat. No one drug helps everyone. Greta's experience may be for naught if they can't find medication that works well for the child. And then there's the initial issue of who will carry the child. Greta would have to go off her meds to do so -- very dangerous. Is Katherine still young enough to carry it? (And when they had that conversation, I yelled out "They could use Eddie's sperm!!" You know they'll want a friend's sperm for this, right?).
 

  On 4/27/2023 at 11:38 PM, circumvent said:

I also don't think the show did great with Gary's decline. He looked sharp, he looked upright.

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Really appreciated the Gary actor going all in on shaving his head, beard, eyebrows. Couldn't fault him for not losing 40 pounds, but did wonder about his seeming lack of exhaustion. Particularly when the cancer is in your lungs, I thought that the cancer victim would need much more rest and wouldn't be standing so easily, as during the wedding ceremony.

Edited by smartymarty
comment about Gary's condition meant to be after quoting circumvent.
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I read these comments before watching last night. I am hard hearted, so was surprised that I started to get weepy early on. 

I am a breast cancer survivor. It's been 16 years. This story for Gary and Maggie has never affected me until this episode. It, IMO, was realistic. It is also realistic to me that Gary is still cracking jokes. He is trying to remain upbeat for the friends, as much as for himself. I was never the one to be crying, poor me, throughout treatment. I cried at the diagnosis and cried before the mastectomy. After that, I did what I always do with "trauma", I put on my blinders and pushed my way through. I have a ton of experience in that field; father committed suicide when I was a teen, left with a mother who never wanted me, told me she wished she'd aborted me, and screamed that she hates me. I have too much experience.

I thought they did Gary's appearance pretty realistically, aside from he should be waaaay more tired. It actually broke my heart to see how ashen he looked, and remember ALL too well the hair loss. That devastated me for own personal journey, far more than I anticipated or cared to acknowledge. I remember sitting in my house for 3 days wondering how the world would react. I opted for no wigs as it was July and I suffer from migraines. I didn't want anything on my head. Once I headed outside after 3 days and realized the villagers didn't run or try to burn the house down, I was good.

I don't think there will be a miracle "cure" for Gary. This show started on the story of Jon's death and will most likely end on the story of Gary's death. 

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  On 4/28/2023 at 1:51 PM, Megan Markled said:

I thought they did Gary's appearance pretty realistically, aside from he should be waaaay more tired.

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I disagree. He didn't look thiner either, which is something generally associated with chemo. The make up people could have made it as if he had lost a lot of weight. They could also put some clothes in him that would have made him look small inside them. There are so many things a good make up artist can do, but the ones in this show don't seem to care, or the production told them to not bother. Losing hair s only one effect of cancer treatment but he looked like a bald man without a beard. I would not have thought he was in treatment if I had just landed on the show now, and didn't listen to the dialogues

  On 4/28/2023 at 7:21 PM, Madding crowd said:

My mother in law was in a wheelchair and lived in a condo. She was on the first floor and we were able to just roll her chair out the door. There are accessible condos, apartments and townhouses, many seniors live in those.

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Do you mind saying in which lace in this country? I live in central Florida and with all the new apartments and condos popping up daily (Florida is run by real state, in case you don't know), it is impossible to find a condo that is accessible. Apartments yes, some have a couple of units that are on the ground floor.

But to my point, it is not if we can tell for sure that the condo has elevator or not. My initial comment was about the fact that a wheelchair user was looking for big, two-store houses. They could have said something like, a disabled person lived there before, so we don't have to make renovations. That shows how much the lack of interest in a real story about a disabled person plays in the writers minds

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  On 4/28/2023 at 8:02 PM, Madding crowd said:

This is in Illinois but I also have an aunt in Wisconsin that lives in an apartment that has a ramp and no stairs. I do agree Eddie and Delilah wouldn’t move to a small place with Charlie and Theo who probably stays over sometimes.

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I presume, like a lot of buildings with condos, there are multiple sizes and options when it comes to units and Eddie and Delilah bought one with at least 3 bedrooms. Although, since I think their current place only has one bedroom, I could see Maggie wanting to move to a bigger place soon as Javi will need his own space for sleeping once he's no longer in a crib and presuming at a year old, he doesn't need to be breastfed overnight (or perhaps at all).

My family lived in a condo when I was a teen.  We had 4 bedrooms, 2 and a half baths, a family room, and formal dining room.  It was significantly larger than the single family home we'd lived in before that.  Including my parents, there were 8 of us.  So, I don't think finding a large enough condo for Eddie, Delilah and Charlie with plenty of space for Theo, Sophie and Danny to visit, too; is impossible.

Edited by Notabug
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  On 4/28/2023 at 7:21 PM, circumvent said:

I disagree. He didn't look thiner either, which is something generally associated with chemo. The make up people could have made it as if he had lost a lot of weight. They could also put some clothes in him that would have made him look small inside them. There are so many things a good make up artist can do, but the ones in this show don't seem to care, or the production told them to not bother. Losing hair s only one effect of cancer treatment but he looked like a bald man without a beard. I would not have thought he was in treatment if I had just landed on the show now, and didn't listen to the dialogues

Do you mind saying in which lace in this country? I live in central Florida and with all the new apartments and condos popping up daily (Florida is run by real state, in case you don't know), it is impossible to find a condo that is accessible. Apartments yes, some have a couple of units that are on the ground floor.

But to my point, it is not if we can tell for sure that the condo has elevator or not. My initial comment was about the fact that a wheelchair user was looking for big, two-store houses. They could have said something like, a disabled person lived there before, so we don't have to make renovations. That shows how much the lack of interest in a real story about a disabled person plays in the writers minds

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  On 4/28/2023 at 7:21 PM, circumvent said:

I disagree. He didn't look thiner either, which is something generally associated with chemo.

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I didn't lose any weight when I went through chemo!!!

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  On 4/28/2023 at 10:13 PM, Madding crowd said:

I know there are large condos but Gary and Maggie did not seem to be in a building with multi bedroom condos. 

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The Complex I live in has large studios- 4 bedrooms all in the same physical building.  All condos.   My previous place had all stand alone condos ranging from 1 story 1000sqft to 3 story 3000sqft.  I'm not sure the size of Maggie's place has much impact at all on the size of Delilah's place 

 

Also moving an hour and a half away from pre=teen Theo would be a really crappy thing to do.  Sometimes parents have to move away from their kids but Eddie and Delilah certainly don't.  

People keep mentioning that Cameron/Greta is 41 but Grace Park is 49 and the characters are the same age.   They could both be playing 40-41 butt they could easily both be splitting the difference at 45.  /shrugs.

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  On 4/27/2023 at 10:43 PM, marceline said:

Okay, radical thought: what if it isn't just Gary who dies in the finale but Regina. What if her TBI "comes back" and she collapses just as Gary dies? 

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And then Rome and Maggie get together in their grief, become lovers, the rest of the gang is totally cool with it, Rome becomes Javi’s stepdad, Sophie and Tyrell can babysit once they’re back from Haiti, Maggie goes on a mission to use her radio show (maybe restarts the podcast she had for 20 minutes?) to inform the public about the dangers of TBI, maybe takes up Regina’s dream of running for city council with “let’s cure/prevent TBI and cancer!” as her platform. 💡 

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  On 4/29/2023 at 12:47 AM, Megan Markled said:

 

I didn't lose any weight when I went through chemo!!!

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  On 4/29/2023 at 2:01 AM, historylover820 said:

My dad didn't lose much weight when he went through chemo. 

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Ok, so not everyone loses weight when going through chemo. I stand corrected.

But then, how is it that the actor did a great job, the make up artist did a great job with how he looked? Someone who didn't know the story and only looked at the photos posted here could not tell it it was a bald man getting married, or a person who is dying of cancer. And the acting/writing didn't match his terminal phase either. too many jokes, not tired at all (except after trying to read to Javi, but I would be tired of being with a child after a short period too)

I just don't get why the actor is getting all the praise for basically not changing anything on how the character goes on day to day

  On 4/29/2023 at 4:52 AM, bybrandy said:

The Complex I live in has large studios- 4 bedrooms all in the same physical building.  All condos.   My previous place had all stand alone condos ranging from 1 story 1000sqft to 3 story 3000sqft.  I'm not sure the size of Maggie's place has much impact at all on the size of Delilah's place 

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My complex is a mix of two-story townhouses and 2- and 3- bedroom flats. I live in a 2-bedroom which is about 850 square feet (rounding up); not sure about the 3BRs.

 

  On 4/29/2023 at 8:46 AM, circumvent said:

 could not tell it it was a bald man getting married, or a person who is dying of cancer. 

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I feel like his hat was a hint, at least, if you were paying attention to that. 

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  On 4/29/2023 at 1:01 PM, ams1001 said:

I feel like his hat was a hint, at least, if you were paying attention to that.

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Yes, the hat was to indicate that the baldness was "sudden" and not a choice. Basically, the TV way of doing cancer. But if I knew nothing about the story and just saw the pictures, or the footage without any other context, maybe I would just say: why is he hiding his baldness  - or - he should lose the hat because it is weird. 

All that because they didn't debilitated him enough to justify the terminal phase he is in 

Another show has someone with terminal kidney disease that is al perky and living a normal life. It doesn't really make sense.

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So, I wasn't planning on watching these last few episodes for a while, but with all the praise I've heard for this one, I finally decided to give it a try. 

For a better written show, it would have been just ok, but for this show, it definitely was one of the best episodes they've had.

I figured the show would do a time jump with Gary's cancer. I kind of wish they did an even bigger time jump. I think they could have stretched out Gary's time so at least Javi could remember his father. I do think, otherwise, it was well done. James Roday Rodriguez did a fairly great job and had some very nice scenes wrapped in the hard parts of the episode.

Still HATE Delilah/Eddie. It's just so awkward, seeing them in bed together and seeing them living together and talking about their future and whatnot. It's why it's clear that the show still makes massive mistakes, and why I don't suspect the finale will be fantastic. Like, oh look, Delilah's present for the first time and....that's about it. But now, suddenly, they're acting like Delilah's the piece they were missing for this endgame? 

Maggie, how Delilah dealt with it was sleeping with her husband's best friend, then keeping her baby's paternity a secret, and then fucking off to France for three years.

The Regina running for City Council is still so dumb. They threw it in for the final episodes for no good reason. Instead of having her run a successful food truck, they made her change career paths four episodes from the end.

Ah, yes, the stereotypical "biological child MUST be had by all couples", so I guess Greta has to feel like she needs a bio child to feel....complete or some shit like that? But they use the guise of Greta's bipolar disorder as the reason. Ok, show, sure, of course I believe that's the reason and not you throwing stupid plots last minute into the second last episode so we can have a clear time jump next episode with a mini Greta running around.

I mean, the show at least has awareness that the only way to bring people back on board for the ending and get people to feel something is by having the fan favourite character die, so they know their audience. And, to their credit, it was sad at several points. I personally am not gonna get hung up on them doing this, because after next episode, we'll never see these characters again and it doesn't really matter since the show utilized their weapons to get people to stick around to the end. But JRR definitely elevated the material a little bit (though not a WHOLE lot). Gary had some nice moments with people that did make me tear up, but I was also distracted with how energetic Gary still seemed to be. Not that he needed to be bedridden for the episode, but he seemed more sad than physically exhausted. So I wish he was directed to show loss of energy throughout the episode. 

Overall, it was a great episode for AMLT. I don't necessarily think it was a great episode in general. It just hit tired trope after tired trope, and used emotional manipulation tactics to get people to feel sad. And, again, the show's credit, they knew exactly what they were doing by having Gary die in these last couple of episodes. They knew what would bring people to finish the show. 

I just think other shows have done this arc better. It's not that this is the worst example; by all accounts, this cancer arc is one of the few things they've done decently. I just may feel a little bitter that this show wasn't better. 

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  On 4/29/2023 at 2:01 AM, historylover820 said:

My dad didn't lose much weight when he went through chemo. 

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I'm no expert, but I think weight loss is more related to the type of cancer, rather than the chemo itself. I don't think all cancers manifest themselves in weight loss. I know some people whose cancers were discovered because they started losing weight for no reason (one of the questions docs usually ask, at least me, on an annual visit). On the other hand, my mother and sister did not lose weight with their respective cancers (but they did go quickly).

  On 4/29/2023 at 1:34 PM, circumvent said:

Yes, the hat was to indicate that the baldness was "sudden" and not a choice. Basically, the TV way of doing cancer. But if I knew nothing about the story and just saw the pictures, or the footage without any other context, maybe I would just say: why is he hiding his baldness  - or - he should lose the hat because it is weird. 

All that because they didn't debilitated him enough to justify the terminal phase he is in 

Another show has someone with terminal kidney disease that is al perky and living a normal life. It doesn't really make sense.

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As I understand it (Gary's preemptive head shaving aside, not all chemos have hair loss), people with cancer often get very cold. The hats (or wigs) can serve both as a means to warm their bodies as well as covering up their head).

I personally thought Gary looked haggard, his eyes sunken and bruised, his skin off color. All things I've seen in a person with cancer. He might have been a bit more energetic, then again, Gary was a very energetic guy and his quieter aspect (even with the jokes) felt okay to me. Since having him asleep in bed all day (my experience with my family) wouldn't exactly make good tv.

Yeah, terminal kidney disease does not lend itself to perkiness. Also in my experience.

Anyway, we all have different reactions to the way they chose to depict his end stages. But for me, whether or not it was absolutely accurate, it felt accurate enough to me to surprise me into choking up and nearly crying. The surprise being that I don't think I've ever had an emotional reaction to the show before.

Edited by Clanstarling
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  On 4/29/2023 at 4:36 PM, Clanstarling said:

As I understand it (Gary's preemptive head shaving aside, not all chemos have hair loss), people with cancer often get very cold. The hats (or wigs) can serve both as a means to warm their bodies as well as covering up their head).

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Some people shave their heads because they start losing hair and prefer to just go all the way to bald at once

  On 4/29/2023 at 4:36 PM, Clanstarling said:

Since having him asleep in bed all day (my experience with my family) wouldn't exactly make good tv.

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No, it wouldn't. But the problem I had with the way they did is that I didn't think he looked like someone who is dying, and having chemo at all. Types of cancer, types of treatment, the people who are going through this, all that is unique to each person. But I don't think the writers were even thinking this way. I think they wanted Gary to look like someone who is dying, so they shaved his head, lost the beard. In their minds, that's enough to convey terminal cancer. That's how most depictions of cancer play out in film and TV. But it didn't work for me. Like I said, he looked like a bald man in a party with a hat that didn't match the ceremony. If they had kept his hair and done a make up that showed him tired and "shrinking", I would have bought the whole "dying" much easier. And by shrinking, I don't mean necessarily losing weight. Just the heaviness of chemo and stress, a baby, end of life, plans, grief etc. Add to that the fact that yes, he was very energetic, but he continued to be energetic among all that stress and life changes. I just didn't buy the writing, the production, the direction and the acting. Nothing work for me to believe Gary is dying. 

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Still sad that they went there with Gary. I was weepy a lot of the show.  The scene with the doc.  Gary telling the guys he’s was going to Mexico so that Maggie would not have any guilt. The airport scene.  
 

Sophie offering to go to Mexico was thoughtful.  I thought we would get Garry passing in Mexico and the crew getting a letter. Similar to Marc Greene from ER.  No way would Maggie be able to deal with that so Sophie being there would have been most welcome.

Understandable about Danny.  Everyone deals with things different.  I know from personal experience.  No one should be critical when it comes to grief. 

Edited by Diana Berry
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As I started the episode, I thought to myself, “I don’t feel like I’ll care if Gary dies.”

My CONSTANT tears throughout most of the episode disagreed. Truly caught me off-guard. I thought JRR did a great job and if I didn’t watch the show and just happened upon a photo of Gary at the wedding, I absolutely would have assumed “man dying from cancer” 🤷‍♀️

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I've been kind of hate watching once in a while. I watched the last 2. Did I miss something, did Gary cut hair off thinking he was getting chemo? Many don't have you lose hair. My coworker with ovarian and my nephew with colon cancer didn't but every cocktail is different.

I didn't cry but it was very depressing. Was Gary's cancer that bad? I thought Maggie's was. The move with Eddie and Delilah was corny, they weren't going an hour and a half away from anyone, how could they be there in 3 minutes, 24 hours a day? The only part I hated was the "How did you do it" from Maggie as others have stated. I mean she was upset but did the writers have amnesia? It was hard on her kids but Delilah was leaving Jon and and having her lovers baby. Just a little different.

With one show left, I doubt Gary will die in it, but I think it's classier to just have him be expected too unless it's  2 hours.

Very sad show, almost made me forget the horrible ones after Jon's death, the dog (is the dog still around they stole??)he was sweet,  and the bad scripts about most of their antics. It was never This is Us or Thirtysomething but it was fun to hate-watch on occasion. I stopped when the Jon saga stopped and fell flat. I hope they do a good job summing it all up for their fans.

 

Edited by debraran
  On 4/30/2023 at 11:24 PM, debraran said:

I've been kind of hate watching once in a while. I watched the last 2. Did I miss something, did Gary cut hair off thinking he was getting chemo? Many don't have you lose hair. My coworker with ovarian and my nephew with colon cancer didn't but every cocktail is different.

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I think he had started treatment when he did it, though it didn't look like he had lost any hair yet. Maybe since he lost it last time he figured he would again?

  On 4/30/2023 at 11:24 PM, debraran said:

I didn't cry but it was very depressing. Was Gary's cancer that bad? I thought Maggie's was. 

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He found out earlier in the season (end of last season?) that his cancer had moved to his lung and was considered terminal but treatment could keep it at bay for some amount time. Then at Katherine and Greta's wedding he coughed up some blood (which only Eddie saw and Gary convinced him not to say anything to not ruin the party), and he and Maggie went to the hospital after the wedding, and they learned it had spread to his other lung. Then we time-jump-montaged our way through several months to now when he's close to the end.

I'm wondering if we'll see him die, or if we'll start the finale at his funeral, or with another fast-forward.

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  On 4/30/2023 at 11:39 PM, ams1001 said:

I think he had started treatment when he did it, though it didn't look like he had lost any hair yet. Maybe since he lost it last time he figured he would again?

He found out earlier in the season (end of last season?) that his cancer had moved to his lung and was considered terminal but treatment could keep it at bay for some amount time. Then at Katherine and Greta's wedding he coughed up some blood (which only Eddie saw and Gary convinced him not to say anything to not ruin the party), and he and Maggie went to the hospital after the wedding, and they learned it had spread to his other lung. Then we time-jump-montaged our way through several months to now when he's close to the end.

I'm wondering if we'll see him die, or if we'll start the finale at his funeral, or with another fast-forward.

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Thanks, I think we will see the funeral because just watching him die surrounding by family is beyond depressing but they can do it as a montage. We saw a classy way on ER years ago, Mark the doctor with cancer was in bed, wife found him when he died, you saw her face, then the funeral could be shown and after funeral get-together.

I really liked the Jon scenes and since they keep bringing him back, do you think being such close friends, Nash will have him appear once more. Both just friends, not the typical romantic, "let me lead you to heaven" kind of thing, but I can kind of see them doing it.

 

Edited by debraran
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Good grief, that was a heavy episode. I  was really hoping they would go out on a vague note with Gary’s health, like we know he probably won’t recover but maybe he has a few good years left and that’s where we leave him. But I guess they decided to really go there with it. I went into it trying not to cry because although I love the cast the writing has been so uneven that I’m just not as invested in the characters as I had hoped. And I did ok until Regina told Rome they were going to miss the event. It wasn’t the words, it was all the emotion in her face, trying to hold back tears. Man, Christina Moses and Romany Malco are special and I really hope to see them in more things. Then Maggie’s breakdown in the hallway, and poor Danny. 
I can believe that Gary would still be cracking jokes, he wants to put everyone at ease. I think people with cancer want people to treat them normally and not act all weird around them so of course he would try to keep joking to break the tension.  
I was a little distracted that Maggie’s mom hasn’t been there for these big events. I guess Melora Hardin wasn’t available but maybe a mention of why she wasn’t there would I help. And I didn’t see Gary’s dog!

This show lost its footing along the way but I’m glad to have had the opportunity to meet some of the cast who I was not familiar with, and to see James Roday Rodriguez’ dramatic chops. We have Psych on constantly in the background in our house, so I was well aware of his comedic side. It was nice to see him get to stretch a bit.

A few people have mentioned Mark Green’s death on ER…I think that is the most I have ever sobbed at a tv show in my life. I’m getting sad just thinking about it!

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  On 4/27/2023 at 7:20 AM, SnazzyDaisy said:

I first started crying when Gary thanked Dr. Stein for helping him making this far. The other scene that hit me hard was the airport scene. I basically wept every time Gary was on screen. Thanks so much JRR!

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Yup — that’s where I am, too. At first I resented it; like, “Dammit, show, you haven’t earned the right to make me cry steadily through this episode!” But James Roday Rodriguez pulled it off. I thought Alison Miller did a great job, too. And as I say, I’m a sucker for Gary-Dan Dixon scenes. 

  On 4/28/2023 at 3:40 AM, Winston Wolfe said:

With that being said, I hope Nash understands that he has to commit to this arc. There can't be any miracle remissions or a fake-out where someone else dies in the Finale. It will waste the mostly stellar performances everyone gave last night.

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Agreed. If Nash were to try something that cheap, it would be an irrecoverable breach of faith with the audience. 

  On 5/1/2023 at 1:47 PM, desertflower said:

… Mark Green’s death on ER…I think that is the most I have ever sobbed at a tv show in my life. I’m getting sad just thinking about it!

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That episode literally had me on the floor, heaving loud, ugly sobs. ER could be brutal. Agreed about Christina Moses, too. 

Edited by Sandman
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  On 5/2/2023 at 1:09 AM, Sandman said:

Yup — that’s where I am, too. At first I resented it; like, “Dammit, show, you haven’t earned the right to make me cry steadily through this episode!” But James Roday Rodriguez pulled it off. I thought Alison Miller did a great job, too. And as I say, I’m a sucker for Gary-Dan Dixon scenes. 

Agreed. If Nash were to try something that cheap, it would be an irrecoverable breach of faith with the audience. 

That episode literally had me on the floor, heaving loud, ugly sobs. ER could be brutal. Agreed about Christina Moses, too. 

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They raised the bar, ER, and I don't think many care today. So many scenes cut your heart out. Even when the doctor who committed suicide on the train tracks, he was brought in and they didn't recognize him and were paging him and his beeper went off. Carter's face, the fall out, it was wonderful writing before they went slowly downhill until some gems at the end. They never went heavy on melodrama in the beginning but just enough.

I still think they'll have Gary see Jon "if" we see him die but I hope they have him in bed or toward the end and then the funeral. I wanted to see the dog but I think that would be too sad now but they should mention him.

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