Chit-Chat: What's On Your Mind Today?

[kristen111]

NM

[Yeah No]

5 hours ago, Bastet said:

And I did wear hand-me-downs even as an only child; my best friend had an older sister, and whenever she had clothes that no longer fit/she no longer wanted, she made a pile and my friend and I went through and negotiated over who got what.  (Our moms were really close friends, and our families spent a lot of time together, so we were honorary members of each other's families [still are], that's why I got to act like another sister when it came to the clothes.)  I had no issue with hand-me-downs -- they were new to me.

That's cool, I would have liked that.  To save money and because she had such a talent for it, my mom made some of my clothes for me.  My favorites were the mother/daughter dresses which were popular at the time.  Unbeknownst to me she kept some of the stuff she made me in a big suitcase that sat in a closet forever.  When my Dad died in 2020 and I had to clean out his apartment I found the suitcase.  What a time capsule.  I even have a box of my baby shoes.  

[Yeah No]

@peacheslatour, I thought of you this morning when on my local news they mentioned that the rogue Zebra had been found and was being sent to Montana.  I'd love to see "photos" of that too!  Maybe she'll end up as @Gramto6 's neighbor, LOL. 😉

[peacheslatour]

13 hours ago, EtheltoTillie said:

We onlies have such similar stories.  Older parents, for a start.

Oddly enough, my mom was 21 when she had me, my dad was 22. He was in the Air Force and over in Korea for a time. I must have been conceived during one of his leaves. But they were grown ups and they stayed married for 60 years, until my mom died.

[kristen111]

6 minutes ago, peacheslatour said:

Oddly enough, my mom was 21 when she had me, my dad was 22. He was in the Air Force and over in Korea for a time. I must have been conceived during one of his leaves. But they were grown ups and they stayed married for 60 years, until my mom died.

On my whole block growing up in Queens, N.Y., not one family was divorced.  We had all Nationalities, and everyone got along.  Every year, we had a Block Party and closed the street to cars.  Even had a band playing.  Lots of food too.  It was fabulous.   People got married young then.  Like your parents and mine.  Actually, mine were matched.

Edited May 4 by kristen111

[Yeah No]

42 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

People got married young then.  Like your parents and mine.  Actually, mine were matched.

My Mom actually first got married at 19 during WWII when she was in the Women's Army Corps. to a very respected and high ranking officer.  Little did anyone know, least of all her, that he was a charlatan that was already married to at least two other women in different parts of the country at the time - even had a family with one of them!  Fortunately he was shipped out to Japan shortly after they were married during which time the base chaplain found out about his previous marriages.  My mother got a quick annulment and was devastated but at least she never had to see him again. 

She was so traumatized that she left the Army for a year and worked as a legal secretary in Vermont before re-enlisting.  She stayed in the Army for several years after that and became an officer herself.  She took her time dating until she met a man she was sure she could trust.  Well, she couldn't have done better than my father!  He was worth the wait - 3 years younger than her, and also an Army officer.  So that's why she didn't get married again until she was 29.  She always said she didn't want to be 30 and unmarried lest she be called a "spinster".  Back then women thought that way!

[Bastet]

11 hours ago, Yeah No said:

my mom made some of my clothes for me.

So did mine; I have fond memories of going to "the material store" as I called it to look through the pattern books and then go pick out the material. 

11 hours ago, Yeah No said:

My favorites were the mother/daughter dresses which were popular at the time. 

She never made us matching outfits to wear in public, but she once made us matching nightgowns -- and threw in one for my favorite stuffed animal.

[PRgal]

3 hours ago, kristen111 said:

On my whole block growing up in Queens, N.Y., not one family was divorced.  We had all Nationalities, and everyone got along.  Every year, we had a Block Party and closed the street to cars.  Even had a band playing.  Lots of food too.  It was fabulous.   People got married young then.  Like your parents and mine.  Actually, mine were matched.

Matched like an arranged marriage?  Was that common in your culture?  Mine met in high school - my mom transferred to my dad's school which took girls for the last two years.  She was one of five girls in a class of 80 or something like that.  They started dating in university (only "bad kids" dated in high school back in 1960s Hong Kong) and my mom and dad came to Canada for grad school (dad graduated, mom decided to drop out).  They married at 23/24 but didn't have me until they had a nest egg and owned a house.  That meant I came seven years later.  It's amazing how two middle class salaries could support a child and my mom's parents (well, my grandpa worked after he came to Canada, but didn't make much due to language skills) - a family of five people total!  That would NEVER work today - especially for an immigrant family.

[ginger90]

4 hours ago, kristen111 said:

On my whole block growing up in Queens, N.Y., not one family was divorced.  We had all Nationalities, and everyone got along.  Every year, we had a Block Party and closed the street to cars.  Even had a band playing.  Lots of food too.  It was fabulous.   

Same in the neighborhood I grew up in on Staten Island. It started as backyard barbecues, and graduated to block parties. The fire and police departments would come with vehicles. It was fun for all ages. 

[kristen111]

22 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

Same in the neighborhood I grew up in on Staten Island. It started as backyard barbecues, and graduated to block parties. The fire and police departments would come with vehicles. It was fun for all ages. 

Being from Staten Island, do you watch the Jersey Housewives?  We have relatives on Staten Island still.  We all tawk the same, lol.

[kristen111]

1 hour ago, PRgal said:

Matched like an arranged marriage?  Was that common in your culture?  Mine met in high school - my mom transferred to my dad's school which took girls for the last two years.  She was one of five girls in a class of 80 or something like that.  They started dating in university (only "bad kids" dated in high school back in 1960s Hong Kong) and my mom and dad came to Canada for grad school (dad graduated, mom decided to drop out).  They married at 23/24 but didn't have me until they had a nest egg and owned a house.  That meant I came seven years later.  It's amazing how two middle class salaries could support a child and my mom's parents (well, my grandpa worked after he came to Canada, but didn't make much due to language skills) - a family of five people total!  That would NEVER work today - especially for an immigrant family.

My Mother was born in the U.S but went to Ukraine at 3 yrs old.  At 19, she came to Canada to match with my Father who also grew up in Ukraine.  Their families apparently knew each other from Ukraine and matched them.  Why Canada ?  I have no idea.  They were married in Montrial, then came to New York and settled.  Now, I am so sorry I didn’t listen more closely when she spoke about her life and her hardships.  She mentioned hiding in the woods when the soldiers used to ransack their house during the war.  A very hard life, but she was a tough woman in mind and body.  A hard worker.

[shapeshifter]

15 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

My Mother was born in the U.S but went to Ukraine at 3 yrs old.  At 19, she came to Canada to match with my Father who also grew up in Ukraine.  Their families apparently knew each other from Ukraine and matched them.  Why Canada ?  I have no idea.  They were married in Montrial, then came to New York and settled.

Perhaps your mother's U.S. citizenship was considered in making the match?

[PRgal]

41 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

My Mother was born in the U.S but went to Ukraine at 3 yrs old.  At 19, she came to Canada to match with my Father who also grew up in Ukraine.  Their families apparently knew each other from Ukraine and matched them.  Why Canada ?  I have no idea.  They were married in Montrial, then came to New York and settled.  Now, I am so sorry I didn’t listen more closely when she spoke about her life and her hardships.  She mentioned hiding in the woods when the soldiers used to ransack their house during the war.  A very hard life, but she was a tough woman in mind and body.  A hard worker.

It sounds like my grandmother's experience during WWII.  I'm sorry I never really got to ask her more questions - my maternal grandmother grew up in Macau which was neutral territory since Portugal was on neither side (whether it be the Germans or the Japanese).  The Japanese wouldn't have invaded Macau like they did with Hong Kong.  There WERE, however, food shortages because things weren't able to get through the border from China.  My mother only knows so much since there was trauma.  My understanding is that my great-grandmother, for some reason, went back to the mainland?  I have no idea.  And I would never know the whole story.   

[kristen111]

30 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

Perhaps your mother's U.S. citizenship was considered in making the match?

Maybe?  I’m so sorry I didn’t pay more attention when she spoke of these things.  My Sister is a Historian.  I should ask her if she knew more.  

10 minutes ago, PRgal said:

It sounds like my grandmother's experience during WWII.  I'm sorry I never really got to ask her more questions - my maternal grandmother grew up in Macau which was neutral territory since Portugal was on neither side (whether it be the Germans or the Japanese).  The Japanese wouldn't have invaded Macau like they did with Hong Kong.  There WERE, however, food shortages because things weren't able to get through the border from China.  My mother only knows so much since there was trauma.  My understanding is that my great-grandmother, for some reason, went back to the mainland?  I have no idea.  And I would never know the whole story.   

Yes, it’s sad that we can’t find out more.  Too late, unfortunately.  They had such hardships in that time.  We have it so good.

[Suzn]

Another only child here!  I always heard the nonsense about being spoiled. I lived on a farm and we were poor so there wasn't a lot to be shared.  My parents did as well for me as they could but a great deal was expected of me.  I helped on the farm doing "girl" and "boy" chores and did a lot of the cooking so that my mother could work in the garden, and I helped in the garden too. I helped on the hay bailing crew, driving the tractor putting the hay rake. I loved that.

My daughter is an only child too.

[annzeepark914]

6 minutes ago, Suzn said:

Another only child here!  I always heard the nonsense about being spoiled. I lived on a farm and we were poor so there wasn't a lot to be shared.  My parents did as well for me as they could but a great deal was expected of me.  I helped on the farm doing "girl" and "boy" chores and did a lot of the cooking so that my mother could work in the garden, and I helped in the garden too. I helped on the hay bailing crew, driving the tractor putting the hay rake. I loved that.

Wow. You farm kids worked hard. I'd wanted to live on a farm as a kid & envied all the children who did. I figured I could have a lot of cats & dogs to play with (& even a cute pony to ride!) Well, an eventual roommate who grew up on a farm in Iowa shared the reality of farm life for kids. That was quite the eye-opener for this NY kid.

[Suzn]

25 minutes ago, annzeepark914 said:

Wow. You farm kids worked hard. I'd wanted to live on a farm as a kid & envied all the children who did. I figured I could have a lot of cats & dogs to play with (& even a cute pony to ride!) Well, an eventual roommate who grew up on a farm in Iowa shared the reality of farm life for kids. That was quite the eye-opener for this NY kid.

Well, I did have cats and dogs!

Edited May 4 by Suzn

[PRgal]

54 minutes ago, Suzn said:

Another only child here!  I always heard the nonsense about being spoiled. I lived on a farm and we were poor so there wasn't a lot to be shared.  My parents did as well for me as they could but a great deal was expected of me.  I helped on the farm doing "girl" and "boy" chores and did a lot of the cooking so that my mother could work in the garden, and I helped in the garden too. I helped on the hay bailing crew, driving the tractor putting the hay rake. I loved that.

My daughter is an only child too.

I'm an only with an only!  I have to admit that I was spoiled rotten as a child.  I think it partially had to do with my health issues and also because my grandmother was way over-protective.  I only had minimal chores until I was a teenager and didn't even know how to work the washing machine until I left for university.  My parents tried to make me do things, but my grandmother, who lived with us, would start crying, telling my mom that she was turning me into a slave.  It's really hard to set boundaries in Asian families since you have to respect elders.  That's why my mom didn't say anything.  Nor did my dad.  My parents could have kicked them out, but again, respect.  They finally DID when they told my grandparents that they were downsizing when I went away to school.  They DID get them a place to live though.  I'm not sure they liked it very much.

[JustHereForFood]

We have actually talked with my mom recently about how almost all of the women in her age group (her friends, former classmates and her sister) are now divorced. They all married in their early 20's and most of them got divorced once the children were adults. Back then, the government was giving young couples free apartments to boost the birthrates, so many couples married their first boyfriends/girlfriends just to get a quick headstart. Also, a lot of those couples she talked about married when the woman was already pregnant, which would have been a faux pas at the time if they had not gotten married. I guess, being miserable and then get a divorce was considered more acceptable.

[Mindthinkr]

5 hours ago, Bastet said:

So did mine; I have fond memories of going to "the material store" as I called it to look through the pattern books and then go pick out the material. 

I lost my Mother years ago, but that is one of my best memories. Doing what you and to your Mom did. I even got to pick out the fabric she made my bedroom curtains out of. 

[ginger90]

4 hours ago, kristen111 said:

Being from Staten Island, do you watch the Jersey Housewives?  We have relatives on Staten Island still.  We all tawk the same, lol.

I did, but I haven’t in years. They were quite the crew at the time.

[kristen111]

2 hours ago, ginger90 said:

I did, but I haven’t in years. They were quite the crew at the time.

They are still nuts.  

[Yeah No]

3 hours ago, Mindthinkr said:

8 hours ago, Bastet said:

So did mine; I have fond memories of going to "the material store" as I called it to look through the pattern books and then go pick out the material. 

I lost my Mother years ago, but that is one of my best memories. Doing what you and to your Mom did. I even got to pick out the fabric she made my bedroom curtains out of. 

Same here, I get choked up just thinking about it.  I spent much time with my mom in fabric stores as a kid both in NYC and the suburbs doing just that.  Her greatest work was my wedding gown.  We couldn't afford a fine silk and lace gown but because she made me one we only had to buy the fabric.  We went to a store down in what was then the fabric district in Manhattan to buy it.  I picked out the pattern.  She put everything into that gown, she was such a perfectionist.  She even made the veil.  It looked like it cost a fortune.  If she didn't make it it would have cost a fortune I'm sure!

I didn't inherit her sewing talent but I did inherit her love of cooking.  I kept her sewing box and some of her scissors and other sewing tools.  I use her ancient yardstick all the time.  And I also recently realized that I have a lot of knowledge about fabrics, tailoring and clothing styles that I never knew I had, but just from being around it so much some of it sunk in!

[Blergh]

2 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

No spring yet, the cold weather and being single is turning me into a mean/miserable person. Like fr I’m mean rn. Why are men so horrible? Especially the married ones, why do they want to cheat and hit on me?

I want to be in love and be happy. Except all men suck. 

I want to be sympathetic and try to help.

However, can anyone imagine what the reactions would be if a poster wrote' being an incel is turning me into a mean/miserable person.. ..why are women so horrible? I want to be in love and be happy. Except all women suck.'

I don't know what's happened or how you've been treated.

I think everyone of both genders needs to keep in mind that 'being in love' with another person is by no means a need, birthright or an  entitlement but, at best, a privilege if not a luxury in this world- and one CAN find contentment if not fulfillment in staying single and solo.

I would suggest that you somehow make your peace with yourself and whatever may have happened in the recent and/or distant past before embarking on seeking out others for non-platonic and/or permanent bonds.

And, yes, I realize that the  any and all above is  FAR easier said than done but that doesn't mean it CAN'T be done!

 

Edited May 5 by Blergh

[oliviabenson]

42 minutes ago, Blergh said:

I want to be sympathetic and try to help.

However, can anyone what the reaction would be if a poster wrote' being an incel is turning me into a mean/miserable person.. ..why are women so horrible? I want to be in love and be happy. Except all women suck.'

I don't know what's happened or how you've been treated.

I think everyone of both genders needs to keep in mind that 'being in love' with another person is by no means a need, birthright or an  entitlement but, at best, a privilege if not a luxury in this world- and one CAN find contentment if not fulfillment in staying single and solo.

I would suggest that you somehow make your peace with yourself and whatever may have happened in the recent and/or distant past before embarking on seeking out others for non-platonic and/or permanent bonds.

And, yes, I realize that the  any and all above is  FAR easier said than done but that doesn't mean it CAN'T be done!

 

If you tried hundreds of times to have a connection that turned sour because most of those people are awful/want to use me you wouldn’t be happy either. I’m entitled to vent with how awful it’s going. Geee I bet you are a happy … 

It definitely CANNOT be done. 

[Blergh]

 

7 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

If you tried hundreds of times to have a connection that turned sour because most of those people are awful/want to use me you wouldn’t be happy either. I’m entitled to vent with how awful it’s going. Geee I bet you are a happy … 

It definitely CANNOT be done. 

I didn't say you weren't entitled to vent but one can't expect a condemnation of half the world's population to be universally applauded (and, yes, I would indeed say this if a male had condemned the world's females).

It CAN be done because I've chosen to do it rather than let the acid I wanted to pour on others eat me up from the inside out!

[peacheslatour]

1 hour ago, oliviabenson said:

If you tried hundreds of times to have a connection that turned sour because most of those people are awful/want to use me you wouldn’t be happy either. I’m entitled to vent with how awful it’s going. Geee I bet you are a happy … 

It definitely CANNOT be done. 

It can be done but it often happens when you're least expecting it. 

[shapeshifter]

3 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

why do they want to cheat and hit on me?

I had the same experiences when I was your age. 
After a few nights I'd wake up to a letter or card on the nightstand on my side from the guy's "real" girlfriend. 

Between 25 and 36 I did have 3 kids from 2 guys and was married for 8 years (I'm 70 now) but I never figured out how people "fall in love." 

Sometimes I think back now about how I could have done things differently, but I did not have the experience then to know what to do. 

And no, @oliviabenson, I still do not have any formula for falling in love. 
I could be wrong, but it seems there are some who get happily paired up early in life, and most of the rest do not.

I'm grateful to have some talents, had a career, and acquired some other skills that keep me busy now. And I'm glad I won't have to go through the terrible heartache of losing a lifelong spouse like my mom went through.

Edited May 5 by shapeshifter

[StatisticalOutlier]

On 5/3/2024 at 12:48 AM, Yeah No said:

And the Queen Mary II is supposed to have better stabilizers than cruise ships because it's a true ocean liner. 

My dad was one of the World War II soldiers who were transported on the Queen Mary.  The only thing he ever told me about it was recalling the vomit coursing down the stairs.  He blamed the mutton.

[Moose135]

3 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

Except all men suck. 

All men? Thanks for that...

[peacheslatour]

2 minutes ago, Moose135 said:

All men? Thanks for that...

Not you, baby. Never you. 💖

[oliviabenson]

1 hour ago, peacheslatour said:

It can be done but it often happens when you're least expecting it. 

Not to me. All I get is trash people.

[athousandclowns]

4 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

My dad was one of the World War II soldiers who were transported on the Queen Mary.  The only thing he ever told me about it was recalling the vomit coursing down the stairs.  He blamed the mutton.

We toured the Queen Mary when it was docked in Long Beach? Saw the barracks was interesting and sorta shocking. We spent the night on it too. My husband mumbled under his breath the whole time for spending the night on a ship not going anyplace !    Go well we went to Catalina Island next day. I was always in charge of getaways. 

[Kimboweena]

5 minutes ago, athousandclowns said:

We toured the Queen Mary when it was docked in Long Beach

We did too, back in the mid-90's.  We had a Marine Corps Ball on board, and we also spent the night.  Years later, I became interested in paranormal stuff and heard that the Queen Mary was haunted.  I was kinda bummed 'cause I never saw no ghosts that night!  Also, we loved Catalina Island!

[Dimity]

4 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

My dad was one of the World War II soldiers who were transported on the Queen Mary. 

One of my uncles married in England during WWII and his wife was a war bride who came to Canada aboard the Queen Mary.  Apparently a very memorable voyage!

[StatisticalOutlier]

27 minutes ago, athousandclowns said:

We toured the Queen Mary when it was docked in Long Beach?

I did, too, and at one point we were in the very bottom of the ship, with the "ceiling" waaaaay above us and I started picturing us being that far below the waterline, and had to make a conscious decision not to panic.  I breathed very steadily and looked straight ahead, while standing not close to the people in front of me.  I made it out okay, but have realized that spelunking is probably not for me.

[StatisticalOutlier]

19 minutes ago, Dimity said:

One of my uncles married in England during WWII and his wife was a war bride who came to Canada aboard the Queen Mary.  Apparently a very memorable voyage!

To gauge just how memorable--were they serving mutton?  😀

[Yeah No]

19 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

If you tried hundreds of times to have a connection that turned sour because most of those people are awful/want to use me you wouldn’t be happy either. I’m entitled to vent with how awful it’s going. Geee I bet you are a happy … 

It definitely CANNOT be done. 

I have a lot of sympathy for anyone looking for a relationship today, especially women in NYC.  I was one so I know.  It was never easy but I am sure it's gotten even worse.  I actually did the "personals" in NY Magazine once, which was one of the pre-internet ways of meeting "almost online".  I got dozens of letters and photos, it was insane.  Every one a loser, seriously.  The stories I could tell, LOL.  Yeah, I can laugh about it now, but back then I wanted to cry. 

I met the best guys through friends when I was single and even then it wasn't so great except when I met my husband.  One thing to remember, as everyone's mother used to say back in the day, "You have to kiss a lot of fools before you meet your handsome prince".   Just factor in that they're all going to be jerks until that one in a million that isn't.  The other thing my mother used to tell me is that "you have to be in it to win it".  She oughta know, she waited a good 10 years before she met my Dad after her disastrous first marriage to that charlatan.  And he was worth the wait!  You can't give up, just keep on keepin' on and one day you might be surprised.  At the very worst at least you'll know you gave it your best shot!  ((Hugs)) 🤗

[Yeah No]

17 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

My dad was one of the World War II soldiers who were transported on the Queen Mary.  The only thing he ever told me about it was recalling the vomit coursing down the stairs.  He blamed the mutton.

Ohhhhh, that is a cool story about your Dad!  I get it but the QM 2 is supposed to have much better, more modern stabilizers than older ships.  At least that's what I'm told and I'm going with that for now, LOL. And thankfully I have seen no mutton on any of their menus!

BTW, my FIL immigrated to the US from Ireland in 1951 aboard the RMS Mauretania.  I don't know any stories about that trip.  Maybe my husband does.

[StatisticalOutlier]

1 hour ago, Yeah No said:

Just factor in that they're all going to be jerks until that one in a million that isn't. 

It's not that binary, in my experience.  Not everyone I don't want to spend my life with is a jerk.  In fact, most aren't jerks at all; they just didn't align with what I wanted in a relationship. 

[Yeah No]

2 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

It's not that binary, in my experience.  Not everyone I don't want to spend my life with is a jerk.  In fact, most aren't jerks at all; they just didn't align with what I wanted in a relationship. 

You were lucky!!  In my time and place (and I presume @oliviabenson's) it was a little different.  NYC is a tough place to meet a man unless you have a network and/or connections.  They wouldn't have created "Sex and the City" if it was a piece of cake!  Some of those weird guys the women met on the show weren't far from the truth!

And being from the Bronx, there were not a whole lot of guys in my milieu there.  There were some decent guys in my HS but many of them were not ready to date back then and later on moved away.  And we didn't have the internet then to find them.  Also, most of my classmates were Jewish and wanted to marry a Jewish woman.  I was raised an Episcopalian.  I didn't meet any of those either, and went to a Jesuit University where most people were Roman Catholic.  I thought maybe I'd meet a guy there but I didn't realize how different their upbringing was from mine.  Back then many of my male peers were "male chauvinists".  No thanks.  My husband was a Presbyterian when I met him but he converted to Episcopalian, and not just to please me but because he wanted to be one.

[JustHereForFood]

22 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

If you tried hundreds of times to have a connection that turned sour because most of those people are awful/want to use me you wouldn’t be happy either. I’m entitled to vent with how awful it’s going. Geee I bet you are a happy … 

It definitely CANNOT be done. 

If I may ask... and please feel free to ignore me if it's too invasive, but ... if I remember correctly, you mentioned here some time ago that you are only using apps that are free (unless I'm remembering it wrong). Is that still the case? Because I would honestly not expect to find any quality men on those, just men who are looking for free labor+free sex+woman who is quiet until she's asked something. And cheaters.

[StatisticalOutlier]

1 hour ago, Yeah No said:

Also, most of my classmates were Jewish and wanted to marry a Jewish woman.  I was raised an Episcopalian.  I didn't meet any of those either, and went to a Jesuit University where most people were Roman Catholic.  I thought maybe I'd meet a guy there but I didn't realize how different their upbringing was from mine. 

And this makes them jerks? 

Quote

they're all going to be jerks until that one in a million that isn't.

 

[PRgal]

1 hour ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

And this makes them jerks? 

 

I don't think @Yeah No meant to say that the guys at her college were, just that they were different and she had trouble relating/understanding them.  She said she went to a Jesuit school and most of the students were Catholic.  Perhaps many were children or grandchildren of immigrants (and therefore still have deep roots to the old world) while her family has been in the country for generations?  

[RealHousewife]

5 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I have a lot of sympathy for anyone looking for a relationship today, especially women in NYC. 

I've heard this! My sister has someone now, but she used to say she wanted to move to NYC just to date. Maybe it was the Sex & the City fantasy or something. Even though those girls dated a lot of train wrecks, their lives looked fun. I thought the same myself, but she said she thought she'd have better luck in a big city. I couldn't particularly relate to that. 

I feel like everyone I know thinks their city is most difficult to date. My sister thinks dating must be easier in a place like LA or NYC, but she constantly worries about being pretty enough and is very insecure. How are you going to feel more confident dating in the land of Hollywood actresses and supermodels? Maybe NYC wouldn't be so terrible, but a midwest 10 is probably like an LA 7. 

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, PRgal said:

I don't think @Yeah No meant to say that the guys at her college were, just that they were different and she had trouble relating/understanding them.  She said she went to a Jesuit school and most of the students were Catholic.  Perhaps many were children or grandchildren of immigrants (and therefore still have deep roots to the old world) while her family has been in the country for generations?  

Yeah that was a "straw man argument" if I ever saw one.  Thank you, you are exactly right about that, I didn't say they were jerks.  I actually didn't say I didn't relate to or understand them either - I'm 25% Jewish myself (My dad's dad was Jewish) and I grew up in a mostly Jewish neighborhood.  It's just that the Jewish guys I dated were not interested in marrying a "shiksa" or non-Jewish woman.  They liked dating one, but as far as spending their lives with one, forget about it.  And I didn't know how they felt about that until afterward.  I did know Jewish men that married non-Jews but not until much later after I didn't know them anymore. 

BTW, my HS sweetheart was one of those Jewish men that broke up with me because he wanted to marry a Jewish woman.  Of course later on after I got married he confessed to me that he made a big mistake (yeah, right) and he still acts like an idiot on Facebook, PMing me and flirting.  I just ignore him now.  Now he WAS a jerk!

Actually my mother's family was Sicilian so they were originally Roman Catholic.  But a lot of my family moved to Montreal in the early 1920s, and that's where my mother grew up (she went back to NYC at 14).  The matriarch of the family (my great grandmother) wanted my mother to learn English and in those days in Montreal you either went to an English speaking school or a French speaking school.  The English schools were run by Episcopalians.  My GGM also didn't really like the RC church so she had no problem converting to Episcopalian.  So of course the whole family converted and my mother went to the English school.  My mother learned French anyway and was tri-lingual in French, Italian and English.  And she spoke classic French, not Canadian French because her family knew French from having lived in Tunisia when it was a French protectorate before coming to the US.  

Interestingly, my father, who was half Jewish, was raised an Episcopalian by his mother who had English, French and German roots.  When he and my mother met I'm sure it felt like destiny that a Sicilian American and a Half Jewish guy would both just happen to be Episcopalian, LOL.  

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, RealHousewife said:

I've heard this! My sister has someone now, but she used to say she wanted to move to NYC just to date. Maybe it was the Sex & the City fantasy or something. Even though those girls dated a lot of train wrecks, their lives looked fun. I thought the same myself, but she said she thought she'd have better luck in a big city. I couldn't particularly relate to that. 

I feel like everyone I know thinks their city is most difficult to date. My sister thinks dating must be easier in a place like LA or NYC, but she constantly worries about being pretty enough and is very insecure. How are you going to feel more confident dating in the land of Hollywood actresses and supermodels? Maybe NYC wouldn't be so terrible, but a midwest 10 is probably like an LA 7. 

Oh yeah, I remember the SATC "fantasy" that a lot of women had that made them move to NYC.  Boy were they disappointed when it wasn't exactly like the TV show, LOL.  I remember reading articles on that subject.

Actually, I don't agree that women would have better luck in a big city.  I think it's counter-intuitive but in big cities men can feel like they have so many options they will continually date thinking there's someone better around the next corner.  It's also that way on dating sites.  I think it makes it harder for women to meet a guy that's ready to stop dating and settle down with just her.  When there are fewer women to choose from, men are more willing to settle down because they aren't always getting distracted by the next new woman that comes along.  I've read theories about this too!

I agree with the idea that it's harder for women in any big city, not just NYC.  But even among big cities NYC is a tough town for just about everything if you ask me.  As a native I see it differently than non-natives.  And there are a lot of beautiful women in NYC and a lot of young women too.  There are models and female actors there too.  A lot of competition, LOL.

One of my oldest friends from way back to Jr. HS was single all her life and lived in Manhattan in one of the last genuine rent controlled apartments.  A lawyer, I used to call her my "Sex and the City girlfriend".  She had the worst luck meeting a guy.  She was tall, blonde and statuesque.  You'd think she'd have no trouble.  The poor thing suffered one clunker after the other.  She lived with one for a long time.  He was so negative about everything she finally broke up with him.  She did J-date, all the pay sites, everything.  Got nowhere.  She finally met a guy from down South on a dating site.  A Jewish guy from Tennessee who owned a local hardware store chain.  They got married last year just before her 65th birthday.  All those Jewish guys in NYC but she had to go to TN to find one.  Mazel tov!  She deserves this!

[kristen111]

On 5/5/2024 at 4:13 PM, peacheslatour said:

It can be done but it often happens when you're least expecting it. 

YES.  When least expected, he comes your way.  He expects nothing, treats you good, and you fall in love.  It’s happened millions of times.  Or not.

[annzeepark914]

I worked for a Congressman back in the 70's, when DC was known to have too many females. Lots of eligible men on the hill and they could have their pick. It wasn't until after two moves (back to NYS, then to NC), then leaving a career job in a non-profit (where any men I'd meet were all married), I got a job in state govt. First day on the job I met my Mr Right (his first day as well as he used to be with a corporation in LA). I was told that I was too fussy, too picky. Yeah, I was & I endured lonely years. But I'm glad I didn't settle. 

[kristen111]

3 minutes ago, annzeepark914 said:

I worked for a Congressman back in the 70's, when DC was known to have too many females. Lots of eligible men on the hill and they could have their pick. It wasn't until after two moves (back to NYS, then to NC), then leaving a career job in a non-profit (where any men I'd meet were all married), I got a job in state govt. First day on the job I met my Mr Right (his first day as well as he used to be with a corporation in LA). I was told that I was too fussy, too picky. Yeah, I was & I endured lonely years. But I'm glad I didn't settle. 

Fate.  If it’s meant to be, it will happen.  Anywhere, anytime.  You have to be at a nice place where there are nice people.  Not some dive where undesirables hang out.