Chit-Chat: What's On Your Mind Today?

[Yeah No]

I read some good news today. I thought it was just me but it turns out that it's true that Walmart, Target, Aldi and Walgreens have all lowered prices on hundreds of items this Summer in response to rising pressure to lower them amid record retail profits, which is proof that they were taking advantage of the pandemic and inflation to raise prices out of proportion to their costs. I hope that's a continued trend. Usually what falls is the rate of inflation but not prices. This time prices have actually fallen to some degree. I had a feeling it was happening as I continue to see items on permanent "sales" or special offers and in many cases officially lowered. I also think that consumer resistance has played a part in this. I've noticed my local Shop Rite has lowered its prices on some items that had jumped up to crazy heights over the pandemic. Also they've been engaging in more frequent and better sales too. It's still not enough but it's better than nothing!

[Love2dance]

@Yeah No, I will never again complain about the difficulties I had taking care of my dad and brother’s end of life and estate needs. So sorry you had such an unbelievably difficult time with your dad’s. 

[PRgal]

6 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I read some good news today. I thought it was just me but it turns out that it's true that Walmart, Target, Aldi and Walgreens have all lowered prices on hundreds of items this Summer in response to rising pressure to lower them amid record retail profits, which is proof that they were taking advantage of the pandemic and inflation to raise prices out of proportion to their costs. I hope that's a continued trend. Usually what falls is the rate of inflation but not prices. This time prices have actually fallen to some degree. I had a feeling it was happening as I continue to see items on permanent "sales" or special offers and in many cases officially lowered. I also think that consumer resistance has played a part in this. I've noticed my local Shop Rite has lowered its prices on some items that had jumped up to crazy heights over the pandemic. Also they've been engaging in more frequent and better sales too. It's still not enough but it's better than nothing!

Lucky you.  My grocery bill was not good yesterday.  Almost double what I normally pay.  Turns out it was the supplements I bought.  I’m not buying that brand again. 

[kristen111]

19 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I read some good news today. I thought it was just me but it turns out that it's true that Walmart, Target, Aldi and Walgreens have all lowered prices on hundreds of items this Summer in response to rising pressure to lower them amid record retail profits, which is proof that they were taking advantage of the pandemic and inflation to raise prices out of proportion to their costs. I hope that's a continued trend. Usually what falls is the rate of inflation but not prices. This time prices have actually fallen to some degree. I had a feeling it was happening as I continue to see items on permanent "sales" or special offers and in many cases officially lowered. I also think that consumer resistance has played a part in this. I've noticed my local Shop Rite has lowered its prices on some items that had jumped up to crazy heights over the pandemic. Also they've been engaging in more frequent and better sales too. It's still not enough but it's better than nothing!

We went to Walmart yesterday.  The prices are great, but the customer service is horrible.  The associates can’t operate their beepers and don’t know where anything is.  For a few more cents more, I’m going to Target.

[Dimity]

I was babysitting my granddaughter today and she did a dance recital for me.  What impressed me (aside from her awesome dancing and the cartwheels and the somersaults which made Nana go "yikes") was that the songs she chose to dance to were all women singers - Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, Pink (she told me Pink is her favourite), Katey Perry and the Spice Girls for her grand finale.

Anyway the reason this made her Nana happy was that when my own daughter was her age aside from the Spice Girls there weren't a lot of really well known "girl" singers out there, definitely more than there were when I was the same age but still not as many as there seem to be now.  So yay!

[Yeah No]

2 hours ago, kristen111 said:

We went to Walmart yesterday.  The prices are great, but the customer service is horrible.  The associates can’t operate their beepers and don’t know where anything is.  For a few more cents more, I’m going to Target.

Target is great for some things but I don't find everything I want there. And lately there are whole shelves empty in some departments. It looks like the pandemic all over again. I thought it was just in my area but my Bronx girlfriend said it was like that in the one near her too. I wonder what's up with that.

[Yeah No]

I've written here recently about my long lost Long Island girlfriend that dropped out of my life in 2021 with no explanation. I also talked about how when I wish her a happy birthday on Facebook she always responds to thank me and says she misses me and will call me "soon" but it never happens.

Well, my birthday was last week and one day my husband and I went down to Yonkers, NY to our favorite red sauce restaurant to meet up with his sister and her husband and my best friend of 51 years. It's a small family run place that we have been going to for decades to celebrate special occasions. I guess I was feeling sad about things because while the place is great and I love it, it also reminds me of my Dad and my absent girlfriend because she used to join us there. In keeping with our usual tradition, my sister in law asked the waitress to take a group photo of us at the table, which she then posted on Facebook. So this morning I sent the photo via Facebook private messaging to my long lost girlfriend and wrote, "The only person missing was you". 

Ten minutes later my husband called me from the road for an update since he was working today. After I hung up I saw that she had called me, although she left no voicemail. I called her right back and told her I'd love to talk with her, but it's over 12 hours later and I still haven't heard back from her. I somehow don't think I will.

I had told her in my birthday message to her about the two cruises I was going on and how I'd love to talk with her about them. She was always an avid cruiser and had actually taught me a lot about them before I ever went on one. So I know she really loves talking about it. She was one of those people always telling me I should go on one and how much I'd love it, etc., etc. But despite all that still don't have much hope that she will call me back.

Anyway, that put me in a sad mood today I must admit.  I managed to overcome it a little bit by throwing myself into housework and calling another friend, but it's still on my mind. 😢

[ECM1231]

Happy belated birthday, @Yeah No.  🎂  I'm sorry your dinner out made you sad. It must be very confusing to be getting mixed messages from your longtime friend. I'm going through something similar with a close relative. I hope your friend calls you back. 

[Anela]

happy belated @Yeah No

[Yeah No]

2 hours ago, ECM1231 said:

Happy belated birthday, @Yeah No.  🎂  I'm sorry your dinner out made you sad. It must be very confusing to be getting mixed messages from your longtime friend. I'm going through something similar with a close relative. I hope your friend calls you back. 

1 hour ago, Anela said:

happy belated @Yeah No

Thanks for the birthday wishes. This was a great birthday in spite of my friend and I'm truly grateful for that. 

[shapeshifter]

7 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I've written here recently about my long lost Long Island girlfriend that dropped out of my life in 2021 with no explanation. I also talked about how when I wish her a happy birthday on Facebook she always responds to thank me and says she misses me and will call me "soon" but it never happens.

Well, my birthday was last week and one day my husband and I went down to Yonkers, NY to our favorite red sauce restaurant to meet up with his sister and her husband and my best friend of 51 years. It's a small family run place that we have been going to for decades to celebrate special occasions. I guess I was feeling sad about things because while the place is great and I love it, it also reminds me of my Dad and my absent girlfriend because she used to join us there. In keeping with our usual tradition, my sister in law asked the waitress to take a group photo of us at the table, which she then posted on Facebook. So this morning I sent the photo via Facebook private messaging to my long lost girlfriend and wrote, "The only person missing was you". 

Ten minutes later my husband called me from the road for an update since he was working today. After I hung up I saw that she had called me, although she left no voicemail. I called her right back and told her I'd love to talk with her, but it's over 12 hours later and I still haven't heard back from her. I somehow don't think I will.

I had told her in my birthday message to her about the two cruises I was going on and how I'd love to talk with her about them. She was always an avid cruiser and had actually taught me a lot about them before I ever went on one. So I know she really loves talking about it. She was one of those people always telling me I should go on one and how much I'd love it, etc., etc. But despite all that still don't have much hope that she will call me back.

Anyway, that put me in a sad mood today I must admit.  I managed to overcome it a little bit by throwing myself into housework and calling another friend, but it's still on my mind. 😢

This is clearly one of those “it’s not you; it’s them” situations, but also, it seems she acknowledges that too, which is pretty rare, I think, and leaves room for at least a future phone chat, but then that leaves you feeling kind of like whatever the best friend version is of the old song, “You Keep Me Hangin’ On.”
(As a teen, I had the Vanilla Fudge album.)

ETA: Although I don't think the "You don't care a thing about me" portion of the lyrics applies to her.
But then it probably always meant the other person acted like they didn't care, but…?

 

Edited August 27 by shapeshifter

[Ohiopirate02]

12 hours ago, Dimity said:

I was babysitting my granddaughter today and she did a dance recital for me.  What impressed me (aside from her awesome dancing and the cartwheels and the somersaults which made Nana go "yikes") was that the songs she chose to dance to were all women singers - Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, Pink (she told me Pink is her favourite), Katey Perry and the Spice Girls for her grand finale.

Anyway the reason this made her Nana happy was that when my own daughter was her age aside from the Spice Girls there weren't a lot of really well known "girl" singers out there, definitely more than there were when I was the same age but still not as many as there seem to be now.  So yay!

Well, there were female singers and bands some of them pretty well known that were putting out albums around the same time as the Spice Girls, but MMV that they were appropriate for a 7 year old. And the ones I am thinking about were not putting out pop music that you can dance to--Liz Phair, Alanis, Hole, the Indigo Girls, Sarah McLachlan, Jewel, etc.

[BetyBee]

On 8/23/2024 at 5:05 PM, Ancaster said:

My brother, who did all the work as executor, just took expenses out - it never even occurred to me to question him or get upset.  He kept an account of the expenses and gave me a copy, but I barely glanced at it, since if anything, he probably under-represented the costs.

Stories of siblings becoming estranged because of petty/unwarranted arguments over wills are both horrible and sad.  My brother and I aren't particularly close, but thank goodness we were raised not to get upset about this kind of thing.  At one point we went through the jewelry and other stuff of sentimental value and went turn and turn about choosing what we wanted. 

My family has become estranged following our Mother's passing last Christmas. I never thought that would happen to my family. In our case, the estrangement is not over Mom's stuff - that's beendivided equally and none of us really need more stuff in our 60s and 70s. We pleasantly divided the few memorable things each wanted. Her house was her most valuable asset and even though it sold quickly (and we all helped to empty it for the sale), executor sister has been secretive about expenses and slow to close out the estate. I don't care if she takes a fee for her efforts, but she's so secretive even though beneficiaries are entitled to see the will, the trust and an accounting. She gets offended if anyone asks about anything. She's a narcissist and has a couple of flying monkeys on her side (very common if you are familiar with narcissists) and those of us who do not sing her praises (she needs that) are feeling the distance. My sisters were my best friends, but the nicest one (besides me!) passed away before Mom. It's been super stressful. I suspect sis put the money from the house sale in a 3 month CD or something, because she said it would be 90 more days before she distributes checks. I think she and her sneaky husband plan to skim off the interest. I really don't care if they do. There was a lot of work involved. I just wish she'd finish the process. The house sold in June. She became estranged from my next younger brother because he didn't want to go into assisted living (he's fine on his own!). She became enraged at me for siding with him that he can make his own life decisions. He chose to move to a small town with a better COL and to live near some nice cousins of ours. 🤷‍♀️ I never thought my family would become distanced. Mom would be very sad at this turn of events. She especially would be disappointed at our sister cutting ties with the brother who cared for Mom for many years out of her life. Sis still plans to give him his portion, but she even unfriended him on FB. It's not pretty! I don't think we'll all ever be close again. That has made grieving for Mom that much harder. 

[Yeah No]

3 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

This is clearly one of those “it’s not you; it’s them” situations, but also, it seems she acknowledges that too, which is pretty rare, I think, and leaves room for at least a future phone chat, but then that leaves you feeling kind of like whatever the best friend version is of the old song, “You Keep Me Hangin’ On.”
(As a teen, I had the Vanilla Fudge album.)

ETA: Although I don't think the "You don't care a thing about me" portion of the lyrics applies to her.
But then it probably always meant the other person acted like they didn't care, but…?

 

Thank you. I agree, I think she cares but it's anyone's guess what her hesitations and conflicts are about being in touch with me and for sure whatever they are they are either about her misperceptions and/or personal conflicts. I theorize everything including maybe it's partly that she can't drive much anymore thanks to her seizures and whatever's going on with that inoperable tumor in her brain and she doesn't want to feel like she has to tell me about that. If she isn't able to come meet me in NY anymore it would be very difficult if not impossible for us to get together much. But we never got together more than a few times a year anyway and kept in touch on the phone, so I don't know about that. There may be other things about her medical condition that she doesn't want to have to burden me with either so it may also be partly that.

So it's not me, I know that, but even so it still hurts. I don't have that many close face-to-face friends in my life anymore and losing one really sucks, especially right after losing my father and his good friend of many years who was like a part of my family herself.

The fact that so many people from my past and present post birthday wishes on my Facebook page really helps and I always thank them all for remembering me on my special day. That always means so much to me especially because when I was a kid all the other kids were away on vacation on my birthday and I never had a birthday party like they all did. I was invited to their birthday parties all year long and had to bring a gift but none of them were ever available to come to mine. Yet another sore point from my childhood. My mother, bless her, knew this and always gave me a nice party with family (i.e., all adults) but as a kid that always felt like the "consolation prize". I also knew that none of those kids that invited me to their parties did so because they really wanted me there. It was only to have another "body" there and of course, another gift. So when people go out of their way to remember me decades after we knew each other it always touches me more than I can express.

Edited August 27 by Yeah No

[Dimity]

1 hour ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

Well, there were female singers and bands some of them pretty well known that were putting out albums around the same time as the Spice Girls, but MMV that they were appropriate for a 7 year old. And the ones I am thinking about were not putting out pop music that you can dance to--Liz Phair, Alanis, Hole, the Indigo Girls, Sarah McLachlan, Jewel, etc.

I guess that's what I'm noticing.  First that there are just more female singers and bands but second they are performing music that is reaching a much wider audience.

"Back in my day" there were singers, awesome singers - like Linda Ronstadt, Tina Turner, Diana Ross, Cher - for sure but they were still mightily overshadowed by the male performers out there.  Especially in terms of appealing to little girl audiences.  

I see a big change here and I am liking it.

1 hour ago, BetyBee said:

Sis still plans to give him his portion, but she even unfriended him on FB.

You say this as if she has a choice in the matter.  Does she? I am the executor of my Dad's will (a role I hope will be delayed for a good few years yet!) but my understanding is that the executor follows the wishes of the deceased person, they don't get to pick and choose.  But of course, that said, who checks that the executor does exactly that? 

[PRgal]

14 hours ago, Dimity said:

I was babysitting my granddaughter today and she did a dance recital for me.  What impressed me (aside from her awesome dancing and the cartwheels and the somersaults which made Nana go "yikes") was that the songs she chose to dance to were all women singers - Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, Pink (she told me Pink is her favourite), Katey Perry and the Spice Girls for her grand finale.

Anyway the reason this made her Nana happy was that when my own daughter was her age aside from the Spice Girls there weren't a lot of really well known "girl" singers out there, definitely more than there were when I was the same age but still not as many as there seem to be now.  So yay!

I’m around your daughter’s age and there were definitely many girl singers.  This was during the Lilith Fair era, so we’re talking Sarah McLachlan, Jewel, the Indigo Girls, Alanis (okay, so she wasn’t part of the line-up, but neither were the Spice Girls), Natalie Imbruglia, Shania Twain…..

[Dimity]

2 minutes ago, PRgal said:

I’m around your daughter’s age and there were definitely many girl singers.  This was during the Lilith Fair era, so we’re talking Sarah McLachlan, Jewel, the Indigo Girls, Alanis (okay, so she wasn’t part of the line-up, but neither were the Spice Girls), Natalie Imbruglia, Shania Twain…..

My daughter was that age in the heyday of the boy bands.  Girl singers were around, of course, and she did like some of them Spice Girls and Bewitched come to mind.  But most of her time was spent deciding whether she preferred the Backstreet Boys over NSYNC.

[PRgal]

1 hour ago, Dimity said:

My daughter was that age in the heyday of the boy bands.  Girl singers were around, of course, and she did like some of them Spice Girls and Bewitched come to mind.  But most of her time was spent deciding whether she preferred the Backstreet Boys over NSYNC.

There were more women solo singers than girl groups back then.  There was Beyonce's group, Destiny's Child (besides Spice Girls, of course), but I can't think of any more. That was also the time when Britney became big.  

[Browncoat]

3 hours ago, BetyBee said:

I suspect sis put the money from the house sale in a 3 month CD or something, because she said it would be 90 more days before she distributes checks.

That's interesting.  We just sold our parents' house, and the lawyer who did the closing is distributing the checks.  I (the executor) did not receive one big check to distribute.  Which made my life easier.

2 hours ago, Dimity said:

You say this as if she has a choice in the matter.  Does she? I am the executor of my Dad's will (a role I hope will be delayed for a good few years yet!) but my understanding is that the executor follows the wishes of the deceased person, they don't get to pick and choose.  But of course, that said, who checks that the executor does exactly that? 

The courts.  I had to sign so many documents to be formally appointed executor!  And that was necessary for the bank to allow me to open an estate account, which was necessary to pay bills for the estate.  You have to list and value all assets, including any bank accounts (and the courts check!), and after 18 months, you have to submit an accounting of everything.  This is true for where I live anyway.

[ECM1231]

1 hour ago, Browncoat said:

The courts.  I had to sign so many documents to be formally appointed executor!  And that was necessary for the bank to allow me to open an estate account, which was necessary to pay bills for the estate.  You have to list and value all assets, including any bank accounts (and the courts check!), and after 18 months, you have to submit an accounting of everything.  This is true for where I live anyway.

Yes, to all of the above EXCEPT I don't recall having to submit an accounting of everything. When checks were disbursed, I was the one who had to send them out to the beneficiaries of my dad's estate, as well as the final check to the attorney for his services.  As executor I was entitled to a percentage for my efforts, which I did take, but I can't remember what the percentage was. Perhaps it varies by state. For me the biggest headache was all the bills that had to be paid, and dealing with Medicare. There had been an outstanding ambulance bill (Dad's final ride to the hospital the day he died), which was sent to me about a year after he passed. His widow had called for an ambulance and in my county if you don't call a private ambulance company, it's the county police who respond. The attorney told me that I was NOT liable to pay that bill since it arrived well after the time period. I just needed his verification and with a bit of back-and-forth correspondence from the county police department, was told I was in the clear. I just had visions in my head of the county putting a lien on my home for not paying a bill. 

[Ancaster]

People are weird.  An old school friend lives in Europe in a city I'll be visiting in a few weeks.  Several weeks ago I let her know (via Facebook), told her my time there will be very flexible and asked if she wanted to get together.  This morning I finally got a response, prefaced by "Sorry for the slow reply, I've been at home on vacation for the last three weeks."  Say what?  You have three weeks at home doing nothing but you wait until you're back on the company dime to send a personal message?

[ECM1231]

Perhaps this should be in pet peeves, but I wanted some feedback, so here goes.

In today's world, the written thank you note has gone the way of the horse and buggy, and I'm okay with that, in theory.  What does bother me, however, is that with the advent of social media, and cell phones, it's so easy to acknowledge a kindness, or a gift just by either texting, or sending a message via Facebook Messenger, and in my experience, it's rarely done. 

My issue:  I sent a gift to my son's best friend and his wife to welcome their newborn baby. Via USPS Tracking, I saw that it had been delivered last week. They live in a co-op apartment building. Their apartment is what's called a 'garden' apartment, meaning that some of it is below ground level. They have a door that goes straight into their apartment from the outside, meaning that they don't have to enter a lobby to go into their residence. Not having ever lived in that type of residence, I'm guessing that their packages are left at their front door, as well as their mail. In a regular apartment type building, there are mailboxes in the lobby and not sure what they do about packages, which I assume do not fit into those wall mailboxes.

Anyway, how do I actually know that the package was received? Yes, it was delivered, but in these days of porch pirates, it could just have easily been swiped. The friend and I are Facebook friends, and we have each other's mobile numbers. He may have realized that I was sending a gift b/c I did text him to ask for his address, which I didn't have. 

This has really been a long-time pet peeve of mine, b/c unless one physically hands a gift to the recipient, you don't know if they ever got it. I've never had packages stolen from my porch, but I do realize it happens in certain neighborhoods. 

It's really just so easy to text a thank you. Or pick up a phone and say thanks. Or send a Facebook message. That is all I'm asking for. Is that too much? I don't want to be put in the position of having to ask them if my gift was received. 

[Dimity]

16 minutes ago, ECM1231 said:

I just had visions in my head of the county putting a lien on my home for not paying a bill. 

When my FIL died my husband's sister kinda pushed him out of the way and took over all the duties of the executor (they had both been named executors).  She is very honest and we weren't worried about her trying to get cute but it was a little annoying not only because she was pulling her Bossy Big Sister act but because she made all the decisions and then told us about it later.

Anyway all that to say it took her almost two years to wrap up the estate and disperse the monies that were left but one of the big reasons for this was she was worried sick that some entity would show up and make a claim on the estate.   

But  I swear if it had been up to her the money would still be sitting in an account somewhere 10 yrs after his death.

Edited August 27 by Dimity

[ECM1231]

2 minutes ago, Dimity said:

Anyway all that to say it took her almost two years to wrap up the estate and disperse the monies that were left but one of the big reasons for this was she was worried sick that some entity would show up and make a claim on the estate. 

Well, actually, there IS a certain amount of time that one has to wait before settling the estate in case someone does come to make a claim. I think in our state it was something like 6 months after the will was probated. I know it can be exasperating having to wait, but the headache would be a lot worse if the funds actually were disbursed, and someone came out of the woodwork afterward. 

My husband's father died last year. His home was in a trust for the 4 siblings, and it made things very easy. My husband's brother and only sister were co-executors, but the brother kind of took over, which the sister was more than happy to let him, b/c she was going through some personal problems of her own. With regard to personal effects, the siblings just kept meeting at their father's home and decided amongst themselves who wanted what. I'm kind of amazed that it all went as smoothly as it did. My late FIL was a talented woodworker, and I requested a beautiful oak trunk that he'd made and now it proudly sits in my living room.  

[Ohiopirate02]

5 minutes ago, ECM1231 said:

It's really just so easy to text a thank you. Or pick up a phone and say thanks. Or send a Facebook message. That is all I'm asking for. Is that too much? I don't want to be put in the position of having to ask them if my gift was received. 

Honestly, because this is a present to a couple who just welcomed a newborn into their family I would give them some grace here. You have no idea how hectic their life has been in the few days since the package was marked delivered. And if you are that afraid of porch pirates, then reach out through text or FB messenger to see if they got it. 

3 hours ago, Dimity said:

My daughter was that age in the heyday of the boy bands.  Girl singers were around, of course, and she did like some of them Spice Girls and Bewitched come to mind.  But most of her time was spent deciding whether she preferred the Backstreet Boys over NSYNC.

Did she ever pick a favorite? I was a bit too old to get caught up in that particular debate, and I don't know if my childhood self could have handled that choice. It was hard enough trying to figure out who my favorite member of NKOTB was and that was only 5 guys. 

[Dimity]

5 minutes ago, ECM1231 said:

I know it can be exasperating having to wait, but the headache would be a lot worse if the funds actually were disbursed, and someone came out of the woodwork afterward. 

Oh absolutely agree!  But two years to settle the estate of a 93 yr old man who had lived the last 5 years of his life in a Veteran's hospital was a bit of an overkill. I think what bothered us more though wasn't the 2 yr wait it was the way she didn't just take the lead she took over completely.  I hope to learn from this and let my siblings be part of the process when our time comes.

[Dimity]

32 minutes ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

Did she ever pick a favorite?

At the time I think Backstreet Boys won the day.  But of all the bands that were big when she was younger it was the Spice Girls she went to see when they did a comeback tour back in 2007/2008.

[SoMuchTV]

2 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

Honestly, because this is a present to a couple who just welcomed a newborn into their family I would give them some grace here. You have no idea how hectic their life has been in the few days since the package was marked delivered. And if you are that afraid of porch pirates, then reach out through text or FB messenger to see if they got it. 

This is pretty much what I was thinking.  In the current environment of delivery systems (uggh! I hate when people say "these days..." but here I am) I think there's a way to phrase an inquiry where you're not assuming bad etiquette, but truly inquiring about the delivery.

[Bastet]

21 hours ago, Dimity said:

Anyway the reason this made her Nana happy was that when my own daughter was her age aside from the Spice Girls there weren't a lot of really well known "girl" singers out there, definitely more than there were when I was the same age but still not as many as there seem to be now.  So yay!

A while back, my mom asked me what was up with girls being so obsessed with Taylor Swift (she must have seen something on the news about the tour), and I said teenagers by nature tend toward the extreme so they obsess and move on, but at least these girls are giddy over a woman rather than only a bunch of guys.

[BetyBee]

7 hours ago, Dimity said:

You say this as if she has a choice in the matter.  Does she? I am the executor of my Dad's will (a role I hope will be delayed for a good few years yet!) but my understanding is that the executor follows the wishes of the deceased person, they don't get to pick and choose.  But of course, that said, who checks that the executor does exactly that? 

I did kind of say it like sis has a choice, but she is working with an attorney and he assured my brother that we are all equal beneficiaries and that sis has to follow Mom's wishes in the will and the trust. I don't trust her husband and he's had his mitts on Mom's account even before she passed. I guess I was trying to say that though she and our brother are estranged, she is following the law. It's just that she has done everything so slowly and offers little information on the progress. She's been ticked off since the whole process started. It's made the loss of our Mom that much harder for all of us.  

As for thank yous, I agree that it's nice to get any kind of thank you and it doesn't always happen these days! I worry about porch pirates too - it's nice to know that a gift was received and even nicer when the recipient likes the gift you chose! Not knowing is worrisome! 

[isalicat]

34 minutes ago, Bastet said:

A while back, my mom asked me what was up with girls being so obsessed with Taylor Swift (she must have seen something on the news about the tour), and I said teenagers by nature tend toward the extreme so they obsess and move on, but at least these girls are giddy over a woman rather than only a bunch of guys.

It would be awesome if any of the current crop of women pop stars could actually sing without Autotune! At least when we had great women singers in the 1970s and up to and including the 1990s, they could sing (with the exception of Madonna, who could never sing but she had other talents). JMO of course.

[Dimity]

47 minutes ago, BetyBee said:

As for thank yous, I agree that it's nice to get any kind of thank you and it doesn't always happen these days! I worry about porch pirates too - it's nice to know that a gift was received and even nicer when the recipient likes the gift you chose! Not knowing is worrisome! 

Last year a close friend's daughter got married and at the reception they had a box where people could put cards which I am sure they hoped would contain cheques or cash (I know i would have!).  Anyway that was over a year ago and I have stopped expecting a thank you card or any kind of acknowledgment.  I had thought of mentioning it to my friend but my husband discouraged me - he figured if my friend knew and didn't care I'd be upset and if my friend didn't know but did care then she'd be upset!  

[Ancaster]

6 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

Honestly, because this is a present to a couple who just welcomed a newborn into their family I would give them some grace here. You have no idea how hectic their life has been in the few days since the package was marked delivered. And if you are that afraid of porch pirates, then reach out through text or FB messenger to see if they got it. 

 

This isn't limited to the parents of newborns.  I gave up expecting thank you notes in any form decades ago, literally.  In the back of my mind I'm still irritated though.  And if I see the recipient of a gift I sent in person, can't they just thank me in person?  Why is that so hard?

I did make my kids write thank you cards for presents from their grandparents.  It was the way I was "brung" up.  My brother's kids never did, and it really bothered my mum.

I had some "acquaintances" (ie, I know them socially and like them, but don't know them well) over for dinner recently.  I almost fell over when I received a thank you card from them afterwards.  It reminded me that I need to do better on that front, if only to honour my parents' memory.

Edited August 28 by Ancaster

[sundaytunes]

i think consumer resistance definitely played a part. people got fed up with ridiculous prices and started buying less. companies had to react eventually i guess

[shapeshifter]

7 hours ago, Dimity said:

When my FIL died my husband's sister kinda pushed him out of the way and took over all the duties of the executor (they had both been named executors).  She is very honest and we weren't worried about her trying to get cute but it was a little annoying not only because she was pulling her Bossy Big Sister act but because she made all the decisions and then told us about it later.

That's what my bossy sister did when our Dad became terminally ill in 2015. I'm still getting over it.

[Yeah No]

10 hours ago, ECM1231 said:

Perhaps this should be in pet peeves, but I wanted some feedback, so here goes.

In today's world, the written thank you note has gone the way of the horse and buggy, and I'm okay with that, in theory.  What does bother me, however, is that with the advent of social media, and cell phones, it's so easy to acknowledge a kindness, or a gift just by either texting, or sending a message via Facebook Messenger, and in my experience, it's rarely done. 

My issue:  I sent a gift to my son's best friend and his wife to welcome their newborn baby. Via USPS Tracking, I saw that it had been delivered last week. They live in a co-op apartment building. Their apartment is what's called a 'garden' apartment, meaning that some of it is below ground level. They have a door that goes straight into their apartment from the outside, meaning that they don't have to enter a lobby to go into their residence. Not having ever lived in that type of residence, I'm guessing that their packages are left at their front door, as well as their mail. In a regular apartment type building, there are mailboxes in the lobby and not sure what they do about packages, which I assume do not fit into those wall mailboxes.

Anyway, how do I actually know that the package was received? Yes, it was delivered, but in these days of porch pirates, it could just have easily been swiped. The friend and I are Facebook friends, and we have each other's mobile numbers. He may have realized that I was sending a gift b/c I did text him to ask for his address, which I didn't have. 

This has really been a long-time pet peeve of mine, b/c unless one physically hands a gift to the recipient, you don't know if they ever got it. I've never had packages stolen from my porch, but I do realize it happens in certain neighborhoods. 

It's really just so easy to text a thank you. Or pick up a phone and say thanks. Or send a Facebook message. That is all I'm asking for. Is that too much? I don't want to be put in the position of having to ask them if my gift was received. 

My local friend told me almost this exact story and asked for my opinion. I agreed with her, of course. Either younger people are not being taught the social graces or they are but they're choosing not to think they're important.

It's sad because in the past 10 years or so even greeting cards have gotten awful and that includes "e-cards". It's not because people are choosing to write a quick note via any number of message programs but because they're just not doing it at all.

I told my girlfriend that my husband and I went through this with his nephews. When they were younger and living at home at least their mother would nag them to send a thank you note or even just a message to thank us. But since they have been independent, forget it, we hear nothing. We older people get told we have outdated expectations but come on these things have existed for a very long time and it's not that there's something wrong with US. I am sorry but I will not accept that BS. They are acting like self absorbed children, not adults.

When my father died I told my husband to tell his nephew that likes electronic stuff to go over to dad's apartment before we cleared it out so take what he wanted from it. My husband had first pick of dad's audio equipment but some was still left. The nephew took a big stereo receiver and had it completely restored. First of all, did he ever thank me for letting him have it? No. But when I saw him around the holidays I personally thanked him and told him I was touched that he restored something I grew up with that belonged to my father. He didn't know how to respond. This man is now 40 years old! The lack of "people skills" is amazing in a lot of younger people, and sadly not as rare as it once was.

[Lisa418722]

9 hours ago, Ancaster said:

This isn't limited to the parents of newborns.  I gave up expecting thank you notes in any form decades ago, literally.  In the back of my mind I'm still irritated though.  And if I see the recipient of a gift I sent in person, can't they just thank me in person?  Why is that so hard?

I did make my kids write thank you cards for presents from their grandparents.  It was the way I was "brung" up.  My brother's kids never did, and it really bothered my mum.

I had some "acquaintances" (ie, I know them socially and like them, but don't know them well) over for dinner recently.  I almost fell over when I received a thank you card from them afterwards.  It reminded me that I need to do better on that front, if only to honour my parents' memory.

I don't expect thank-you notes anymore.  Before the pandemic, I had a coworker who got married.  I went in with other coworkers to get her a gift card.  She never stopped by my office to say thank you or sent an email or a text.  She did the other coworkers, but not me. Yes, she did know that I contributed to the card.  I didn't want a written card (just something else to fill the landfills), but she could have given me a verbal thank-you or sent me an email or text. 

[Mindthinkr]

My brother told me something once that I have used in my life. When people don’t have the willingness to say thank you (by note, email or text) then just don’t gift them anymore. It has raised a few eyebrows from people in my family. The best writers are my grandkids. My grandkids always acknowledge a gift and I even sometimes get a note in the mail (joy) and a picture to hang on the refrigerator. It’s probably because of the rule my Dad took. Christmas notes must be mailed before New Year’s or there is no being allowed out to celebrate it that I was brought up with. I taught my daughter the same. I’m glad she is passing this lost art (manners) onto her family. 
Now if only I can cure my grandson from wearing a hat in a restaurant during a meal. That annoys me. 

[shapeshifter]

Ugh. 
Being retired, and having moved across the country to be near a daughter and grandkids who are too busy to listen to an old lady, I volunteered/agreed to help with the condo association's new "social club" by offering to facilitate or teach art classes or creative time for free, even offering to buy supplies for a first project. 
But I don't see it happening for too many boring, annoying reasons, and for my trouble I now need someone to listen to me whine about the non-existent social club. 

1st world problem. 
Don't get me started.

In the Happy Department:
Monday I was babysitting the 2-year-old because preschool is closed this week. After we dumped his pull-up diaper load into a very stinky, smelly toilet, he grabbed the toilet bowl brush and said "Now clean!" 
I let him help a very little (mostly flushing) but I am sure he learned from watching closely, and I am so happy he does like a clean toilet!

Edited August 28 by shapeshifter

[annzeepark914]

@shapeshifter At first I thought your grandson had issued a royal command to *you* to clean the toilet. Read it again & realized it was simply, in toddler talk, him wanting to do the cleaning 😁

[shapeshifter]

52 minutes ago, annzeepark914 said:

@shapeshifter At first I thought your grandson had issued a royal command to *you* to clean the toilet. Read it again & realized it was simply, in toddler talk, him wanting to do the cleaning 😁

Hah! Yes. "Toddler talk." 
My daughter has been working on that with him, telling him that we are not dogs like Boomer, so he needs to ask politely, not command us.
But also, in this instance, he really did just want to get the "upper hand" in cleaning the toilet. I, being of the older generation, did not give him as much free rein as his Mom (my daughter) would probably have done.

He and I do share a love of cleaning. Maybe his generation will be more that way. 
Or maybe it's just us.

I just looked it up, and he is "Gen Alpha."
Hrmmm… 
Not sure about that moniker.

[Dimity]

7 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

He and I do share a love of cleaning. Maybe his generation will be more that way. 
Or maybe it's just us.

I have two kids and we are at a point where we limit visiting their houses because they are so incredibly messy.  I mean tragically, unbelievably messy.  I was at my son's the other day though as he needed me to babysit for a few hours and while the house was its usual horror show both of the children proudly showed me their  rooms (they have graduated from sharing a room to each having their own now) and they were very tidy.  I am positive this is not because their parents clean them.  So there is hope for the next generation!

Edited August 28 by Dimity

[Ancaster]

On 8/28/2024 at 3:04 AM, Lisa418722 said:

I don't expect thank-you notes anymore.  Before the pandemic, I had a coworker who got married.  I went in with other coworkers to get her a gift card.  She never stopped by my office to say thank you or sent an email or a text.  She did the other coworkers, but not me. Yes, she did know that I contributed to the card.  I didn't want a written card (just something else to fill the landfills), but she could have given me a verbal thank-you or sent me an email or text. 

Just to give your co-worker the benefit of the doubt, maybe she thought she'd already stopped by and thanked you?  I only suggest this because I once held a grudge for a long, long time for a major "favor" that I eventually addressed and it turned out they thought they'd thanked me.

On 8/28/2024 at 5:04 AM, Mindthinkr said:

Now if only I can cure my grandson from wearing a hat in a restaurant during a meal. That annoys me. 

He's your grandson, in my books it's perfectly acceptable to ask him to take it off.  Explain that "hats off" is the norm for your (our!) generation.  His parents and peers obviously have no problem, which is fine, but if you don't like it, explain why and if he's been well brought up he'll respect you.

I used to get together to eat with a group of friends and their families and the rule was all cell phones went into a basket before we sat down, whether at someone's home or at a restaurant.  I don't remember hats (baseball caps?) being a problem, but as the "mean mom" I wouldn't hesitate to enforce a similar ban on hats.  Kids need structure, guidelines, discipline.  And I'm not talking about "this generation."

Edited August 31 by Ancaster

[shapeshifter]

6 minutes ago, Ancaster said:

I don't remember hats (baseball caps?) being a problem, but as the "mean mom" I wouldn't hesitate to enforce a similar ban on hats.

Fashion changes. If a grandson wearing a hat in a restaurant ever bothers me, I'd tell my grandson it makes me feel uncomfortable, because I can't know if it makes others feel that way.
Well, now that I think about it. I guess I'd ask him if he sees anyone else in the restaurant wearing a hat.
My ex wore a lot of baseball caps. I don't recall where or when. There were a lot of things about him that bothered me, but not his attire. He wore boxer shorts around the house too.

[Dimity]

1 minute ago, shapeshifter said:

Well, now that I think about it. I guess I'd ask him if he sees anyone else in the restaurant wearing a hat.

Where I live he'd be able to point to a fair number of men wearing them.  Sigh.  I hate it too but this is one hill I decided not to die on years ago.

[Yeah No]

13 minutes ago, Dimity said:

Where I live he'd be able to point to a fair number of men wearing them.  Sigh.  I hate it too but this is one hill I decided not to die on years ago.

This is a pet peeve of my husband's although I don't like it either. He sings in an Episcopal church choir and often sees young men wearing hats in the pews, not to mention athletic shoes. We think the church has also decided to look the other way on the hat wearing. They're just happy to see young people going to church and probably don't want to discourage them. *sigh*

[Lisa418722]

1 hour ago, Ancaster said:

Just to give your co-worker the benefit of the doubt, maybe she thought she'd already stopped by and thanked you?  I only suggest this because I once held a grudge for a long, long time for a major "favor" that I eventually addressed and it turned out they thought they'd thanked me.

No, it was her personality. My feelings were hurt, but I didn't hold a grudge.  It's just now part of the reason I never expect a thank-you note. Luckily, she is now a former coworker and I don't have to deal with her for many reasons (none of which have to do with the lack of a thank-you note).  

[Absolom]

I will ask people to extend grace for people attending church services in sports/running shoes.  Many of us (I know not all) have such serious foot problems that we don't have much choice and may well have been given medical advice on what to wear.  Normally one can't tell by looking which people these are and it isn't a certain age group.  I've been out of dress shoes since before age 30.  Granted there are plenty of people in sports shoes who could be in regular shoes, but extending grace to all is probably better than insulting someone who has no choice.  I put it under the assume good intent until proven otherwise line of things.

[ginger90]

In my experience many churches do not have dress codes. It’s more of a “come as you are” thing. 

[Mindthinkr]

I went out to get my mail tonight. I was shocked to see my driveway semi-covered in leaves. That’s about two months too early for this to be happening. I’m starting to suspect we are in for a long cold winter. It was 95 degrees today. I should not have fall symptoms. 
I live on the SE U.S. coast for reference.