S04.E01: To Love and Be Wise Is Impossible

[greekmom]

Quote

Kris prepares to meet her fiancée in person; Gabe gears up to mix business and pleasure in Colombia; Daniele preps for a reunion with Yohan in the Dominican Republic; after a two-year engagement, Jen has hopes for an Indian wedding.

First Look: 27/01/23; TLC: 29/01/23; Discovery+: 29/01/23;

[Frozendiva]

We meet Kris and Jen on their fateful voyage to adventure and being on this show.

Kris was maybe 16 or 17 when she had her son and has two failed marriages. She likes onesies and we are treated to the Camp Granada song. I know it is Dance of the Hours but I always associate it with Hello Muddha, Hello Fadduh. She is headed to Colombia to marry Jeymi, a Venezuelan woman - in 9 days. They haven’t met yet. Her brother is skeptical but she is having a rough time in Nowhere, Alabama. Hmmm.

We then meet 42 year old Jen, who has struggled to find a decent relationship and seems to make impulsive choices. Until she went to India and met model and trainer Rishi. Rishi also has a law degree and a master’s degree, but did not like the lawyer life. He also has women fitness clients. Jen didn’t like Rishi at first but they got closer and spent 45 days together. He proposed within one month. There isn’t much support for her from her family and I would also have doubts. Go to India, stay 3-6 months, and then decide if you want to get married and live there. This just seems to be a bad idea.

Edited January 28, 2023 by Frozendiva
Corrected song title

[magemaud]

Kris in her fairy Princess costume is the first nutcase of the new season. 
 

Jen is a dead ringer for the wife in the Holderness Family. 

[greekmom]

First look.

Kris is one cookie short of a full pack. 

Rishi is a peacock.  Educated but a peacock.  I'm not saying he wants out of India but he could on his own merits due to his educational background and take up law in the UK, America or Canada.  Then he could do his fitness and modelling stuff on the side and eventually phase out his corporate job.  But I think he likes being a big fish in a small pond. 

[Welshman in Ca]

1 hour ago, greekmom said:

First look.

Kris is one cookie short of a full pack. 

Rishi is a peacock.  Educated but a peacock.  I'm not saying he wants out of India but he could on his own merits due to his educational background and take up law in the UK, America or Canada.  Then he could do his fitness and modelling stuff on the side and eventually phase out his corporate job.  But I think he likes being a big fish in a small pond. 

 

A big fish in a small pond ? Strange comment to make considering India is the second biggest country in the world by population with over 1 billion people but yes he is certainly a peacock in a country where most marriages are arranged so peacocking (new word?) is pretty useless. 

My initial thought is that like Summit he doesn't want to leave India, or can't. 

[1011101010001]

India is projected to overtake China in population this year.

[magemaud]

Could he possibly be the “only guy in his area with long curly hair”? Then in just about every scene, it’s slicked back in a ponytail anyway. I wonder how Jen will like washing her hair in a bucket when she moves there. Will he share his regimen of products with her? My closed captioning said he referred to one as “onion oil” but I think he really said something like “argan oil.” 

[Welshman in Ca]

5 minutes ago, magemaud said:

Could he possibly be the “only guy in his area with long curly hair”? Then in just about every scene, it’s slicked back in a ponytail anyway. I wonder how Jen will like washing her hair in a bucket when she moves there. Will he share his regimen of products with her? My closed captioning said he referred to one as “onion oil” but I think he really said something like “argan oil.” 

Pretty sure he said onion, he also said he used rice water shampoo. Nothing surprises me after little ed & his mayonnaise hair.

Edited January 28, 2023 by Welshman in Ca

[Frozendiva]

I like my creature comforts and that includes access to running water. 

[magemaud]

5 hours ago, Welshman in Ca said:

Pretty sure he said onion, he also said he used rice water shampoo. Nothing surprises me after little ed & his mayonnaise hair.

You're right. I looked it up. Onion Oil is used for "hair regrowth." I guess he doesn't mind smelling like a food truck. 

Rice water shampoo info: the benefits of applying rice water to the hair include “increased hair volume, better hair shine and appearance, stronger follicles, repair to cuticle damage, dandruff prevention and anti-inflammatory effects on the scalp.”

I could use ALL of these products! 

Edited January 28, 2023 by magemaud

[xls]

6 hours ago, magemaud said:

Could he possibly be the “only guy in his area with long curly hair”? Then in just about every scene, it’s slicked back in a ponytail anyway. I wonder how Jen will like washing her hair in a bucket when she moves there. Will he share his regimen of products with her? My closed captioning said he referred to one as “onion oil” but I think he really said something like “argan oil.” 

looked pretty scraggly & icky to me😝

[greekmom]

21 hours ago, Welshman in Ca said:

 

A big fish in a small pond ? Strange comment to make considering India is the second biggest country in the world by population with over 1 billion people but yes he is certainly a peacock in a country where most marriages are arranged so peacocking (new word?) is pretty useless. 

My initial thought is that like Summit he doesn't want to leave India, or can't. 

When I meant big fish in a small pond isn't the size of India vs America.  It's the fact he likes to model and if it's something he wanted to do professionally, the big ones are still New York, Paris, Milan, and London.  Fitness industry is still an up and coming business in India vs the US so again, big fish/small pond.  Plus he lives in a small town of Janipur (I think).  If his aspirations were more Bollywood (can he sing/dance/act?!?!?) then he would have to go to Mumbai which is pretty far from Janipur. 

So maybe he likes to be the only dude in town who has a gym, post his photos on IG for the thirsty women, wash his jesus locks in a bucket. Whatever dude. You do u boo.

[Welshman in Ca]

5 hours ago, greekmom said:

When I meant big fish in a small pond isn't the size of India vs America.  It's the fact he likes to model and if it's something he wanted to do professionally, the big ones are still New York, Paris, Milan, and London.  Fitness industry is still an up and coming business in India vs the US so again, big fish/small pond.  Plus he lives in a small town of Janipur (I think).  If his aspirations were more Bollywood (can he sing/dance/act?!?!?) then he would have to go to Mumbai which is pretty far from Janipur. 

So maybe he likes to be the only dude in town who has a gym, post his photos on IG for the thirsty women, wash his jesus locks in a bucket. Whatever dude. You do u boo.

 

Agree about the fashion industry places & no doubt we'll find out how successful he is or not but he seems like he has an okay life, time will tell. He lives in Jaipur, which is  about the size of that other small town called Chicago.

[endure]

Here's a link to TLC and the other way couples this season....

https://www.tlc.com/shows/90-day-fiance-the-other-way/photo-galleries/meet-the-new-season-couples-90-day-fiance-the-other-way

[greekmom]

2 hours ago, Welshman in Ca said:

 

Agree about the fashion industry places & no doubt we'll find out how successful he is or not but he seems like he has an okay life, time will tell. He lives in Jaipur, which is  about the size of that other small town called Chicago.

I mistyped it as Janipur and that is a small town.

Edited January 29, 2023 by greekmom

[magemaud]

Is 43 years the biggest age difference we've seen so far? 

[SunnyBeBe]

 Can’t find season 4 on the app. 

[Welshman in Ca]

1 hour ago, magemaud said:

Is 43 years the biggest age difference we've seen so far? 

I believe so but I can’t find their actual ages online. 

[Adeejay]

So, according to Daniele, apartments in NYC cost $4K per month and Johan won’t be able to get a job because he only speaks Spanish. What in the heck is she talking about? Half the population of the Bronx only speaks Spanish and unless you live on the Upper East Side, I am pretty sure the majority of people are paying less than $4K in rent. 

Edited January 31, 2023 by Adeejay

[JeanJean]

If Danielle wants to manifest money, an extra $15,000 for life just for working one more year is a pretty good manifestation!!!!

[AR Traveler]

To begin with, I learned a life lesson the other day.  Never ask one of your younger co-workers what on earth a MILF is.  I didn't want to know that.  And I had to try an episode-now, I wouldn't be here if I didn't love me some trash, but I draw the line somewhere, and that line is exploiting barely legal young men who frankly look completely embarrassed and humiliated.  I'll rather sit through those insufferable extreme sisters, including the almost pathologically troubled (for want of a better word) twins from Perth who are adorable but have to measure their hair and take exactly the same number of bites to be 1000% identical.  What is going to happen when one dies?  And way before that, how are they going to ever work in a world that won't cater to their obsession?

Another life lesson: Do not watch "Velma".  Not a single solitary minute.  Trust me on this.  You will want to shower for a week.

Now, ahem, back to TOW, and what a glorious season it's shaping up to be!  We have a gosh darn teacher in NYC, who could hold out for 365 days and get $15,000 (a year??) in pension, plus it would take an act of God to get Jack the Ripper fired there, throwing that away for her "love", love of a green card that he sees going, going, gone with the warm wind of the DR.  

Then we have Gabriel (Florida man) marrying a Colombian woman whose parents don't know he's trans.  She already has children, which is a huge red flag for "no kids" Gabriel.  Then why date someone who is a parent?  Maybe I'm missing something, but is his being trans absolutely necessary to share with the parents, since they already are grandparents?  At the early going, the biggest red flags are that he thinks an 11 year old can "take care of himself" and his impulsivity.

(It's going to take a couple weeks to know all these knuckleheads' names).  Then there's Rishi with the Yogananda hair, about to marry someone whom I can't even recall.  I sense a Mother Rishi about to emerge like the Kraken, with an arranged marriage.  

We haven't met the American woman almost old enough to be her Moroccan fiancé's grandmother.  That's going to be so cringey I'm not sure I can stand it.

Crazy Eyes in Alabama is moving to Colombia (again?) to marry a woman she's never met, but who is already flying the fleecer flag.  Get out the popcorn.  For what it's worth, not all of Alabama (if in fact any of it) is a backwards, intolerant backwater of a state. Here we go with the stereotypes.   Mobile, for example,  is beautiful and very gay-friendly.

Edited January 30, 2023 by AR Traveler

[magemaud]

7 hours ago, Welshman in Ca said:

I believe so but I can’t find their actual ages online. 

Debbie is 67 and Oussama is 24. She’s from Georgia, just like Angela! 

[renatae]

This is truly the first time I've ever said this - I can't get into any of these people.

I'm also having a hard time believing Gabe (?) is trans.

[greekmom]

5 hours ago, AR Traveler said:

Then we have Gabriel (Florida man) marrying a Colombian woman whose parents don't know he's trans.  She already has children, which is a huge red flag for "no kids" Gabriel.  Then why date someone who is a parent?  Maybe I'm missing something, but is his being trans absolutely necessary to share with the parents, since they already are grandparents?  At the early going, the biggest red flags are that he thinks an 11 year old can "take care of himself" and his impulsivity.

(It's going to take a couple weeks to know all these knuckleheads' names).  Then there's Rishi with the Yogananda hair, about to marry someone whom I can't even recall.  I sense a Mother Rishi about to emerge like the Kraken, with an arranged marriage.  

We haven't met the American woman almost old enough to be her Moroccan fiancé's grandmother.  That's going to be so cringey I'm not sure I can stand it.

Crazy Eyes in Alabama is moving to Colombia (again?) to marry a woman she's never met, but who is already flying the fleecer flag.  Get out the popcorn.  For what it's worth, not all of Alabama (if in fact any of it) is a backwards, intolerant backwater of a state. Here we go with the stereotypes.   Mobile, for example,  is beautiful and very gay-friendly.

Agreed 100% on the whole issue with Gabe and the kids.  I wonder if he is telling the parents because he is going to pull the same stunts (i.e. one man pride parade in his skivvies) in Columbia?  Which could raise some questions from the in-laws if a friend saw him and reported back to them? Other than that, if he left a quiet life, there would be no need to tell these people of his transition from female to male. 

Bring on Mother Rishi.  I hope she speaks English and is as bad as Mama Summit.

Thanks for the information about Alabama.  I've never been and wouldn't know if there are gay friendly towns/cities.  So then why doesn't Kris bring espicy Jemyi to Alabama and move to Mobile? Oh yeah - there wouldn't be a storyline.

Danielle is lying to whatshisname.  He should also have a working knowledge of English besides Spanish but it doesnt mean she can't start the process of obtaining his visa to the States. 

Count me in for excited for Debbie (who I am nicknaming Skipper 2.0 because she looks like Laura).

[anoninrva]

3 hours ago, renatae said:

This is truly the first time I've ever said this - I can't get into any of these people.

I'm also having a hard time believing Gabe (?) is trans.

From the neck up, I'd agree.  I do wonder how big of a deal they're going to make him being trans.  I can't imagine that's going to go over to well with Columbian in-laws, but I could be happily mistaken there.

[politichick]

Oy, these people! 

I can't imagine that Silly Gabe would be happy being in the closet in Columbia and also anticipate the fiancee's won't want to know. He seems impulsive and immature.

Daniele needs to teach Johan English. She was stupid to give up her pension for a life of poverty in the DR.

Don't know what to say about the India couple, but at least he's educated. What does he see in her, though? And is he eventually going to want children?

Cannot believe there's a couple with a 43-year age difference. He's got USER written all over him.

Laughed at the commenter above about that show MILFS. So gross and perverted. I can't bear to watch but may read forum comments.

[Shelbie]

I could be wrong but I understood Daniele will still receive a pension but if she worked for one more year her pension would increase by $ 15000.00 a year.

[magemaud]

2 hours ago, Shelbie said:

I could be wrong but I understood Daniele will still receive a pension but if she worked for one more year her pension would increase by $ 15000.00 a year.

I believe that’s how it works. She will get a pension based on how many years she taught it will just be less than if she put in another year. 

[1011101010001]

10 hours ago, Adeejay said:

So, according to Daniele, apartments in NYC costs $4K per month and Johan won’t be able to get a job because he only speaks Spanish. What in the heck is she talking about? Half the population of the Bronx only speaks Spanish and unless you live on the Upper East Side, I am pretty sure the majority of people are paying less than $4K in rent. 

Also NYC is one of the most expensive cities in the US.  They could live somewhere else.  If she’s been in NYC for only 15 years, she lived somewhere else the first 27.  
 

Also giving up an additional $15k in her annual pension amount because she doesn’t want to stay one more year is dumb.  If she lives 20 years past 62 that’s $300k, and many people live longer than 82.  Also her pension plan may have a COLA but the size of that is based on how much you are getting in the first place.
 

Many teachers don’t get SS so she may not be able to have that sent to the DR like Jenny does in India.  And even if she participates in SS and has worked enough quarters to receive it, the amount is going to be tiny if she stops contributing at 42.

[politichick]

5 minutes ago, MrBuhBye said:

Also NYC is one of the most expensive cities in the US.  They could live somewhere else.  If she’s been in NYC for only 15 years, she lived somewhere else the first 27.  
 

Also giving up an additional $15k in her annual pension amount because she doesn’t want to stay one more year is dumb.  If she lives 20 years past 62 that’s $300k, and many people live longer than 82.  Also her pension plan may have a COLA but the size of that is based on how much you are getting in the first place.
 

Many teachers don’t get SS so she may not be able to have that sent to the DR like Jenny does in India.  And even if she participates in SS and has worked enough quarters to receive it, the amount is going to be tiny if she stops contributing at 42.

She is being very shortsighted. Can she even legally work in the Dominican Republic and earn enough to make a decent living? And based on previews, I think she has an unrealistic expectation of what he can earn. 

She is not at an unhealthy weight, but I want my yoga teacher to have the kind of body I aspire to and to participate in the exercises, not walk around with a pot belly in a weird outfit.

[magemaud]

Danielle also mentioned the costs for her car, insurance, etc. There’s really no reason to own a car in the City. 

[1011101010001]

20 minutes ago, magemaud said:

Danielle also mentioned the costs for her car, insurance, etc. There’s really no reason to own a car in the City. 

Do you think that coffee was really $11 or she got a bagel or muffin with it?

[anoninrva]

16 minutes ago, MrBuhBye said:

Do you think that coffee was really $11 or she got a bagel or muffin with it?

The oatmilk alone was like $4.  Also, what is oatmilk?

[CrazyInAlabama]

Danielle should have done a K-1 visa for fiance, and worked the other year while waiting for him.   Then, she would have a great pension, and her husband/fiance would have been in NYC to try out living there.     I bet she could have found a cheaper place to live in another borrough of NYC. 

However, since Daniele didn't ask me, I suspect that her announcement to her husband about quitting NYC, never getting him a visa, and staying in DR, may be a deal breaker for him.    

From what I hear from coffee drinkers, and see on the menu board at the little Starbucks at my Target store, you can easily spend over $10 on a coffee with the extra pumps and add ons.  

Edited January 30, 2023 by CrazyInAlabama

[Quof]

1 minute ago, anoninrva said:

what is oatmilk

Dirty water

[1011101010001]

1 minute ago, anoninrva said:

The oatmilk alone was like $4.  Also, what is oatmilk?

I think when people are lactose  intolerant or just avoid dairy they use alternative milks like almond milk or oat milk.

2 minutes ago, CrazyInAlabama said:

I bet she could have found a cheaper place to live in another borrough of NYC. 

She could have had a roommate until he got there to save money.  She just wants exactly what she wants when she wants it.

[Gobi]

24 minutes ago, MrBuhBye said:

Do you think that coffee was really $11 or she got a bagel or muffin with it?

She probably smuggled the muffin.

[magemaud]

12 minutes ago, Gobi said:

She probably smuggled the muffin.

in her Muffin Top! 

She didn't ask me, either, but I would have advised her to find a cheaper place to live in the NY/NJ area, taught for at least another year, and then spent the Summer and school vacations in the DR. 

And remind me, where's her SON in all this? 

Edited January 30, 2023 by magemaud

[Welshman in Ca]

6 minutes ago, magemaud said:

And remind me, where's her SON in all this? 

Would you want people knowing what you looked like if she was your mother?

[greekmom]

32 minutes ago, anoninrva said:

The oatmilk alone was like $4.  Also, what is oatmilk?

The 2020's version of almond milk

[Shauna]

I wonder how much of a deal breaker staying in the DR is for Yohan.  That is, would he have married Daniele if she said they were absolutely going to stay in his country and he would never have the opportunity to go to the US to make money and support his family? 

[Frozendiva]

Kris, do yourself a favor and go to Bogota for a planned two week trip to meet Jeymi. Stay at a hotel or Airbnb. It is stupid to marry a person you have not met. And 9 days after you land. You have no idea if your online relationship will transfer into a physical one. Small town Alabama may also not be a fit for you. Maybe a larger and more Gay or bi  friendly city. You also ghosted your fiancé after one month for about a month, saying you had problems. She is also probably casting her net a bit more and has other women. As for Jeymi, she may or may not be bi or gay. She may have experienced some dud dudes who cared only about meeting their sexual needs. Or not. At least if the two week trip doesn’t pan out, you didn’t get hit with a major investment. A few red flags.

Jen is another one when it comes to making bad decisions. Moving to India is a big decision. How much does she really know about Rishi? I would be pretty skeptical. Is he trying to escape an arranged marriage? Someone spent a lot of money getting several degrees. To please his parents? Why does he want you? Maybe if you were 36 instead of 46. Buy a ticket for a month.

Yohan, why didn’t you learn any English when Daniele was away? You are not on a level,playing field with her. She probably can’t afford to support you in New York, There are many other cities that have Spanish speakers. Maybe she wants a quieter life, but she will get bored,. And you hoped for the American dream but she has temporarily yanked the rug.

Gabe, I have hopes for you. Hoping you don’t regularly meet loves of your life. The tattoo is a bit premature. Get a temporary one. Isabel and her family may or may not be supportive of you. Honesty and authenticity is the real deal but you may need to be careful in a probably conservative and not so flexible country.

Edited January 30, 2023 by Frozendiva
Gabe

[1011101010001]

12 minutes ago, Shauna said:

I wonder how much of a deal breaker staying in the DR is for Yohan.  That is, would he have married Daniele if she said they were absolutely going to stay in his country and he would never have the opportunity to go to the US to make money and support his family? 

Frankly although she is more attractive than a Baby Girl Lisa or Angela I think his primary reason for choosing her is that she can bring him to the US.  If she can’t do that and probably can’t give him kids and she does witchcraft when he is an evangelical Christian it seems like he could find many better options.  Like is her personality especially winning lol?

[Shauna]

4 minutes ago, MrBuhBye said:

Frankly although she is more attractive than a Baby Girl Lisa or Angela I think his primary reason for choosing her is that she can bring him to the US.  If she can’t do that and probably can’t give him kids and she does witchcraft when he is an evangelical Christian it seems like he could find many better options.  Like is her personality especially winning lol?

I think she is past giving him kids and his intention with her was that she ALWAYS pays for everything and that she would get him to the US and continue to foot the bill.   Instead, he got an older wife, no kids, and staying in DR, making little money.  I think he would have chosen someone younger than Daniele. 

[seacliffsal]

IMO Danielle doesn't hold all the cards like she thinks she does.  She quit her job, gave up her apartment (which I very sincerely doubt was $4,000/month, but if it was, THAT'S why she didn't have the extra money that she was whining about...), etc.  So, if he decides to drop her in the DR, she may not have a lot of alternatives (especially if he gets her to sign a one-year lease before he drops her).  I absolutely think her husband married her as a way to the U.S., but I also think she knows that he would not have married her without the U.S. being involved so her changing the 'rules' at this point will change everything about their relationship (unless he thinks he can get her to change her mind).  

Poor Kris (?) isn't the unicorn she thinks she is.  And she certainly doesn't look 20; the delusion is large with this one.  Again, I think her fiance is with her believing that she will be coming to the U.S.  We shall see.

Quite a 'quirky' group of participants.  I sat out "Happily Ever After" as I did not want to watch any of them, so am glad that there is a 90 Day to watch.  I do enjoy the "Other Way" shows as it brings a reality to the 'fairy-tale' love story that so many of them have in their minds that the other iterations of 90 Days don't have as much.

[FrancescaFiore]

I liked Danielle so much in her previous season, but now she seems to be manipulative, controlling and really just rude to Yohan. Saying in English right in front of him that she has no intention of going back to New York, knowing that he can't understand her and then laughing about it was just plain evil. She looks up at him all lovingly and laughs in his face that she's just said something she knows he can't understand. Rude. Somebody needs to sage smudge her whole attitude. 

I want to root for Gabriel. But the last time I stuck my neck out to root for somebody it was Alina and then she did a whole black face thing online so I don't want to endorse anybody out right again. But he seems sweet & I hope he doesn't turn out to be a creep.

Jeyme & Kris are doomed. 0% chance. Kris is batty & Jeyme is clingy & over dramatic. (When your long distance love interest doesn't call for a couple of weeks, they haven't "gone missing," they're just being inconsiderate of you; they didn't "disappear.")

I don't know her name yet because we haven't been introduced to her, but in the scenes from next week the older lady in the floppy hat. There's got to be some story there. I can't wait.

[StatisticalOutlier]

9 hours ago, renatae said:

I'm also having a hard time believing Gabe (?) is trans.

Both of his nipples were sticking out and looked kind of puffy.  I wondered if it's an artifact of surgery.

1 hour ago, Frozendiva said:

Gave, I have hopes for you. Hoping you don’t regularly meet loves of your life. The tattoo is a bit premature. Get a temporary one.

I thought it was kind of funny that someone with that many tattoos was making a big deal of getting one.  What would be a big deal is if I got one.

On 1/28/2023 at 7:37 PM, xls said:

looked pretty scraggly & icky to me😝

Yes!  I thought his hair wasn't the least bit attractive.

11 hours ago, magemaud said:

Debbie is 67

If someone is named Debbie, there's a 99% chance she's within 5 years either way of 67.  Adjust the range accordingly as time goes on.

[magemaud]

14 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

Both of his nipples were sticking out and looked kind of puffy.

Yeah, they looked like pop up timers on a roast. They might have been pierced, too, I couldn't tell. 

[FrancescaFiore]

Gabe & his friend both had absolute artist surgeons, because neither of them present as anything other than born, biological males. Truly, bravo. Gabe and his friend also discussed something that isn't often discussed outside of the trans community that I thought was interesting. The fact that m2f trans women are often easily identifiable by sight, whereas f2m trans men are not necessarily. And this must factor into which sector of the trans Community is most often targeted in hate crimes.

[Welshman in Ca]

9 minutes ago, FrancescaFiore said:

Gabe & his friend both had absolute artist surgeons, because neither of them present as anything other than born, biological males. Truly, bravo. Gabe and his friend also discussed something that isn't often discussed outside of the trans community that I thought was interesting. The fact that m2f trans women are often easily identifiable by sight, whereas f2m trans men are not necessarily. And this must factor into which sector of the trans Community is most often targeted in hate crimes.

Like you I thought he & his friend presented as nothing but male, in their look as well as their mannerisms & the way they talked to each other so yes they must have had fantastic surgeons, in fact so good that I'm still not convinced his friend was not born male.