MAFS Social Media, Spoilers & Speculation

[athousandclowns]

On my home page has headline of Tristin being arrested and I can't link... Anyone? 

 

Oh I see it's 2007. DUI  and resisting arrest.  

Edited October 6, 2018 by athousandclowns

[LilaFowler]

What is the Show's excuse for his decades-old arrest (conviction)? Mia's was brand-new so that is likely that they had already run the background check before those charges had been posted, but they definitely should have known about Tristan's. Personally I would be pissed if I were matched and married to someone with any kind of criminal record, even if it's "just" a DUI.

[timeywimey]

That's probably why he decided to stay when he found out about her arrest...of course he didn't share that he'd been arrested before too. 

 

https://soapdirt.com/married-at-first-sight-tristan-thompson-arrest-mug-shot-mafs-criminal-record/

[Kareem]

Thinking that a DUI arrest as a teenager is different than a recent warrant for stalking a ex- out of state and unauthorized use of a credit card, and then lying about it to everyone. One I could live with, the other - bye.  

[Crazy Bird Lady]

6 hours ago, Kareem said:

Thinking that a DUI arrest as a teenager is different than a recent warrant for stalking a ex- out of state and unauthorized use of a credit card, and then lying about it to everyone. One I could live with, the other - bye.  

Perhaps --but we probably don't agree as to which one might be possible to "live with".

Does MAFS have a new policy that they accept people with adult felony arrests as marriage candidates? Because both Mia and Tristan have felony arrests as adults. Arrest at age 18 (adult!) for not just DUI but also resisting arrest, and drinking under the legal age, should have been an immediate deal-breaker for the "experts"! It clearly indicates that Tristan has a reckless and potentially dangerous personality (he could easily have killed someone driving drunk --and was even more likely to have killed someone as he fled from the law)! 

Did Tristan tell MAFS the truth about his own arrest? He's been repeatedly condemning the fact that Mia lied to him, when he was still a stranger to her. But has Tristan ever told her what he did when he was 18??  (If so, Mia has never exposed him for that on camera.)

[Kareem]

From Madamenoire 3 October 18 article -

They have no problem with arrest records.

Tristan didn't kill someone "as he fled from the law'" 11 years ago. Nor did he seem to get in trouble again.  Mia, however, thought stalking an ex- in Louisiana a few months before being accepted on this train wreck was a good idea, at age 29, 30?  I've been stalked. To me, it is no joke and not the equivalent of one teenage drinking incident over 10 years ago.  We have no way of knowing what he did or didn't tell Mia, the producers and the experts.  We know she lied to all of them.  jmho

[Crazy Bird Lady]

48 minutes ago, Kareem said:

From Madamenoire 3 October 18 article -

They have no problem with arrest records.

Tristan didn't kill someone "as he fled from the law'" 11 years ago. Nor did he seem to get in trouble again.  

No, Tristan didn't kill anyone, and I didn't imply that he had. I said that he easily could have killed someone during the incident in which he got arrested. I take drunk driving very seriously, and yes, I have known innocent people who died because someone else was driving drunk. 

48 minutes ago, Kareem said:

Mia, however, thought stalking an ex- in Louisiana a few months before being accepted on this train wreck was a good idea, at age 29, 30?  I've been stalked. To me, it is no joke and not the equivalent of one teenage drinking [and driving, and fleeing from the cops, putting even more lives in jeapordy] incident over 10 years ago.  

We have no way of knowing what he did or didn't tell Mia, the producers and the experts.  We know she lied to all of them.  jmho

I am not defending stalking. I certainly have no idea what Tristan may (or may not) have told Mia about his DUI/resisting arrest/underage booze history. But I think it's likely they both lied. 

I do disagree with the idea that putting innocent people's lives in jeapordy ten years ago is less serious than recently stalking an 'ex and using a credit card that her lover may have given to her in the past. (Just my opinion.)

48 minutes ago, Kareem said:

I stand corrected.

I had no idea that all those MAFS-selected spouses had criminal records!!

[gonecrackers]

3 minutes ago, Crazy Bird Lady said:

I had no idea that all those MAFS-selected spouses had criminal records!!

The problem is the pool is really shallow for choices, which doesn't typically make for good outcomes, as we're seeing. Their track record is dismal for many reasons.

[Kareem]

I think we all can agree they're all pretty nasty charges. I was concerned more with the fact that the stalking charges were so recent. That's not marriage material a few months later. Why apply? To make him jealous?  Her playing stupid/what's the big deal attitude is disturbing as well.  Would be reasonable to hope the program would raise its standards, but as 'crackers said, seems it's a shallow pool.  

[humbleopinion]

Anybody else wondering where is the segment where Bobby is heard yelling at Nellie, Nellie running towards the camera, Bobby emptying something out a towel into the flip lid trash can and having sharp, harsh words enough to trigger a fearful response from Danielle?

Or pure poppycock made up by the producers early in the season to create dramatic tension?

[Northerner]

This was discussed on Reditt page for Married at First Sight.    I don't recall seeing that preview but for those that did they said he got upset while training his hunting dog and then the scene wit Danielle was separate but they made it seem to be together   the speculation was it wasn't shown as it didn't fit the narrative of how the producers decided to portray the couple.

[humbleopinion]

 Red herring...

[Deni]

18 hours ago, Northerner said:

This was discussed on Reditt page for Married at First Sight.    I don't recall seeing that preview but for those that did they said he got upset while training his hunting dog and then the scene wit Danielle was separate but they made it seem to be together   the speculation was it wasn't shown as it didn't fit the narrative of how the producers decided to portray the couple.

Yeah, I’ve been waiting for that scene. Last season, there was also a scene like that that they never showed.

[crazychicken]

The Mia crazy train is unleashing again, she is working with the FBI apparently as she was falsely accused. Swipe right for the "evidence".

[Waterlilly]

Cue Ozzy “ Crazy Triain”

[LilaFowler]

She really needs to add a psychotherapist to her team of people.

[crazychicken]

7 minutes ago, LilaFowler said:

She really needs to add a psychotherapist to her team of people.

Agree or she is just incredibly stupid she is now saying it was police corruption. If she truly working with the FBI then why they hell is is sprouting off online.

[LilaFowler]

Why is Jamie Otis encouraging this madness?

[Waterlilly]

Their baiting Mia and her dumb ass is just posting more ignorance. 

2 minutes ago, LilaFowler said:

Why is Jamie Otis encouraging this madness?

So she can make enough money to buy some pants?

[Neurochick]

Here's the thing about arrest records.  To me stalking an ex RECENTLY is pretty damn serious especially for a show where you're marrying a stranger.  

A DUI is serious as well, but I hate to say it but, I know loads of folks who didn't get DUI's but should have.  

Edited October 10, 2018 by Neurochick

[Neurochick]

I looked at Mia's Instagram.  

What she's saying is that because she was a WOC, the cops were maybe more aggressive than they should have been.  Now, that COULD have been true, (I still remember that awful video of a white cop body slamming a black teenage girl in a bikini because some pool party at an apartment complex got loud), BUT why didn't she tell that to the show's producers when she was cast?  She knew this happened and was out there.

[Waterlilly]

Neurochick, I get that part, but what puzzles me is all the FBI stuff and political power family stuff. Her remarks that it will all come out what the ex has done bla bla bla.  This girl should have never been on this show. She should have been fighting her legal battles and the monsters who have wronged her. Mia seems to be enjoying all this, The now public situation with the ex and the MAFS drama. She’s good really good, me thinks she has been practicing this game for a long time.  I’m not sure any of this makes sense, I was attempting to agree with you, lol. 

[humbleopinion]

If JamieO is your only defender...then you've got problems...Amber is smart enough to stay away from Ameea's nonsense.....

[gonecrackers]

So did she do this show so she would get attention for being so wronged?   I can't imagine why she would go on TV when something so serious - either her stalking & being accused or being wronged legally - was going on in her life.

And Neurochick I also wonder why she didn't just come out with it upon arrest. Instead there were lies, & then admission of lies, so why all that?

She's either trying to get attention for being wrongly accused so can be vindicated, or she's truly delusional.

Edited October 10, 2018 by gonecrackers

[Waterlilly]

Or she is lying?

[discoprincess]

On 10/5/2018 at 7:47 PM, Northerner said:

From Reddit and other SM pages speculation is Bobbie and Danielle are the other couple on Happily Ever After.    A reliable person from past seasons posted on Instagram that Danielle was pregnant.   @MAFSFan had a Instagram story up on this spoiler too days ago     

That would probably be the most interesting thing about the two of them! (j/k)

If this is true, I guess these two wouldn't have made the cutoff to be included on that spinoff along with Jephte and Shawniece and Ashley and Anthony, no?

Re: Mia - I saw an Instagram post in which she said she will answer questions as soon as she is allowed to do so; just hashtag her in the meantime. :)

[Neurochick]

I don't believe Mia.

The reason I don't believe her is because, if everything she said is 100% true, then she should have told that to the producers of the show, "I was falsely accused of stalking/the cops were racist, because I'm a WOC" whatever.  But she said nothing, she acted like she didn't know what was going on. 

[Spectator]

I couldn’t help but noticed that she added the metoo and timesup hashtags to her post. So is she trying to say that she was also sexually harassed or assaulted???

 

So let me get this straight...

 

First she said her car was stolen. Then the car thief also stole her identity and with that stolen identity, stalked a guy and fraudulently used a credit card while pretending to be her.

 

At first she said she didn’t know the accuser.

 

Then, within a matter of minutes, if not seconds, she reversed that claim and said she knew of the accuser, because they lived in a small town.

 

Then she came clean to Tristan and the experts and said it wasn’t mistaken/stolen identity and she was, in fact, legitametely accused of this behavior.

 

Then she and her sister (in a couple social media videos) said the accuser made up the stalker claims because he was trying to seek his 15 minutes of fame because she was on TV. 

 

Then she and her sister took down those videos, never mentioning that “version of the truth” again (probably once they realized that the multiple police reports were filed well before the TV show even held auditions and thus that explanation didn’t hold much water).

 

Now she is saying there was a conspiracy against her in the police department because she is a woman of color and the accuser had connections within the police department. So, in other words, all the police reports were fraudulent. So now the FBI is involved.

 

And now she’s also implying that she suffered some sort of sexual harassment or assault based on her inclusion of relevant hashtags, but it is unclear by whom...by the accuser? The police? I’m not sure.

 

Man, I’m exhausted.

 

This poor girl. She’s obviously very much aware that all of her lies have painted her in a very negative light and now, much like a cornered animal, she’s flailing around frantically, just trying to survive. Clearly she hasn’t thought this excuse through. If this latest “announcement” is indeed the truth, why not say so from the beginning...why the story about stolen ID, or the he story about not knowing the accuser, or the story about the accuser’s desire for 15 minutes of fame, etc.. 

 

MESSAGE TO MIA: Honey, more lies are only making all of this that much worse. Please, stop trying to play the role of the victim. Instead, I encourage you to get some professional help to figure out why you are so compelled to do that and then just move on. Fortunately for you, MAFS doesn’t have a huge following and most people in this country have no idea who you are. Just cut your losses, pick up the pieces and move on before you make an even bigger fool of yourself. You’ve destroyed your credibility too much to have even a hope of convincing most people of this latest “version of the truth”. 

 

I really am totally exhausted by this poor girl.

[crazychicken]

2 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

I don't believe Mia.

The reason I don't believe her is because, if everything she said is 100% true, then she should have told that to the producers of the show, "I was falsely accused of stalking/the cops were racist, because I'm a WOC" whatever.  But she said nothing, she acted like she didn't know what was going on. 

Plus the police officer filed for a warrant through court, now I am not a legal expert but wouldn't he need to have some proof to get the warrant. He signed a statement to say that he had seen text messages plus the Facebook messages yet Mia insists that she never contacted her ex, he would be risking a lot to file paperwork with the court if none of this was true. There were 4 separate police reports from different officers, two of them stating that they had personally spoken to Mia, that is a lot of people in on the conspiracy to bring Mia down.

 

Mia insists that we have only heard the exes version but he has been silent, we have seen the paperwork but the only people posting on social media is Mia and her followers with various versions of events and I do not see how he would of controlled what the producers showed on TV.

[Lusterleaf]

I'm not buying anything that Mia is selling. She wants everyone to believe that she is a victim.

[seacliffsal]

Mia's continual lying and trying to paint herself as a victim undermines the stories/experiences of those who truly are victims.  And, in her situation, her ex was the victim who she is now further victimizing by accusing him of various offenses.  The producers have a lot to answer for-especially regarding their continual attempts to have Tristan forgive her and have a fresh start.  

[Crazy Bird Lady]

49 minutes ago, seacliffsal said:

Mia's continual lying and trying to paint herself as a victim undermines the stories/experiences of those who truly are victims.  And, in her situation, her ex was the victim who she is now further victimizing by accusing him of various offenses.  The producers have a lot to answer for-especially regarding their continual attempts to have Tristan forgive her and have a fresh start.  

If what you're referring to is what Mia's been claiming on Facebook, I agree.

But if you were referring to her marital arguments with Tristan (as shown on MAFS), I think it's a toss-up. IF what Tristan says is 100% true, you're absolutely right.

Mia, of course, has a history of telling lies. But I bet Tristan very carefully omitted the information about his DUI/resisting arrest history when he applied for the show, so... 

I (unfortunately) did watch Tristan on Unfiltered. I heard his explanations/excuses. But (unlike some others), I still don't know which one of them to believe.  I still remember seeing Tristan live on camera all enraged and intimidating (and generally quite horrible) toward Mia. 

I think both of them are lying for their own reasons.  Neither of them is "innocent". 

Edited October 11, 2018 by Crazy Bird Lady

[Meowwww]

On 10/10/2018 at 3:39 PM, Spectator said:

I couldn’t help but noticed that she added the metoo and timesup hashtags to her post. So is she trying to say that she was also sexually harassed or assaulted???

 

So let me get this straight...

 

First she said her car was stolen. Then the car thief also stole her identity and with that stolen identity, stalked a guy and fraudulently used a credit card while pretending to be her.

 

At first she said she didn’t know the accuser.

 

Then, within a matter of minutes, if not seconds, she reversed that claim and said she knew of the accuser, because they lived in a small town.

 

Then she came clean to Tristan and the experts and said it wasn’t mistaken/stolen identity and she was, in fact, legitametely accused of this behavior.

 

Then she and her sister (in a couple social media videos) said the accuser made up the stalker claims because he was trying to seek his 15 minutes of fame because she was on TV. 

 

Then she and her sister took down those videos, never mentioning that “version of the truth” again (probably once they realized that the multiple police reports were filed well before the TV show even held auditions and thus that explanation didn’t hold much water).

 

Now she is saying there was a conspiracy against her in the police department because she is a woman of color and the accuser had connections within the police department. So, in other words, all the police reports were fraudulent. So now the FBI is involved.

 

And now she’s also implying that she suffered some sort of sexual harassment or assault based on her inclusion of relevant hashtags, but it is unclear by whom...by the accuser? The police? I’m not sure.

 

Man, I’m exhausted.

 

This poor girl. She’s obviously very much aware that all of her lies have painted her in a very negative light and now, much like a cornered animal, she’s flailing around frantically, just trying to survive. Clearly she hasn’t thought this excuse through. If this latest “announcement” is indeed the truth, why not say so from the beginning...why the story about stolen ID, or the he story about not knowing the accuser, or the story about the accuser’s desire for 15 minutes of fame, etc.. 

 

MESSAGE TO MIA: Honey, more lies are only making all of this that much worse. Please, stop trying to play the role of the victim. Instead, I encourage you to get some professional help to figure out why you are so compelled to do that and then just move on. Fortunately for you, MAFS doesn’t have a huge following and most people in this country have no idea who you are. Just cut your losses, pick up the pieces and move on before you make an even bigger fool of yourself. You’ve destroyed your credibility too much to have even a hope of convincing most people of this latest “version of the truth”. 

 

I really am totally exhausted by this poor girl.

Exactly.  She is spinning more lies to cover up the previous lies   

Of course her sister did videos with her   She has her family brainwashed   

And I am sorry, but the FBI has more important things to do like anti terrorism, federal crimes like serial killers, drug cartels etc.  If it was a federal crime case abc there was a guilty verdict,  yes they might become involved.  I am just so scoffing at this blatant lie   And people are falling all over it .   

Nothing stopping anyone from contacting the FBI but they will refer you to local resources   

There is so much real identity theft out there.  The local police just take a report and tell you to contact your credit bureaus.  Been there.  Oh, I have had a car stolen once too.  No FBI involved.  Ugh.  

ETA alllll comments are positive.  She must be up Day and night on IG deleting the negative ones.  

Edited October 12, 2018 by Meowwww

[crazychicken]

Mia really is a strange duck, she has made so many comments in the last 24 hours saying she never called her ex but her new Instastory seems to prove that she did, maybe I am just reading it wrong but to me it looks like she called him back. My take on the image is he called 12.30pm, 12.35pm, 12.36pm all unanswered. 12.41pm he calls her and talks for 3 minutes, 1.01pm she calls him and talks for 15 minutes, 1.16pm he calls her back and they talk for another 7 minutes.

 

 

How much time does she have on her hands that she has all this crap in a PowerPoint presentation that uses an Istock image as the verification stamp.

https://www.istockphoto.com/sg/vector/round-stamp-with-text-verified-gm96867657-11927126

[LilaFowler]

Does Mia not have any real friends? Someone needs to come and get her.

[crazychicken]

16 hours ago, LilaFowler said:

Does Mia not have any real friends? Someone needs to come and get her.

It is rather strange that they support her delusions. Posting all this stuff after the furore has died down is very strange but I guess justice needs to be served *eyeroll* I am not sure her attorney explained defamation to her though.

https://mobile.twitter.com/Miabally1/status/1050811799774384133

 

Edited October 12, 2018 by crazychicken
spelling

[crazychicken]

[Spectator]

Hmmmm, this latest post of hers doesn’t make sense either. She’s saying she lied initially because she was blindsided and unprepared and she was just reacting to all the public shaming. One problem with that though...she was lying about the stolen identity and not knowing her accuser when they were FILMING the show. The public shaming didn’t start until after the show AIRED, well after the show was filmed and thus well after she started lying. Nobody even knew who she was when the show was filming so how could anyone be publicly shaming her? So her excuse makes no sense. Again.

 

She just keeps digging herself deeper and deeper into a hole.

 

For such a prolific liar, she sure is bad at it! 

[Neurochick]

On 10/11/2018 at 4:38 PM, Crazy Bird Lady said:

But I bet Tristan very carefully omitted the information about his DUI/resisting arrest history when he applied for the show, so... 

With Tristan it could have been a case of "Driving While Black."  When i said I knew many people who should have gotten DUI's, most of them were white women.  So there is that.

[scruffy73]

Difference between Mia’s arrest and Tristan’s is that she had a warrant out that kept her from leaving the country. His DUI at age 18 is over with. She got detained at DFW airport a couple months ago. One affected their relationship. One did not.

also, we don’t know if Tristan disclosed it but he probably didn’t. You know Pastor Cal would have used it as a “she would forgive you so forgive her” bit of bull.

[Kareem]

19 minutes ago, scruffy73 said:

Difference between Mia’s arrest and Tristan’s is that she had a warrant out that kept her from leaving the country. His DUI at age 18 is over with. She got detained at DFW airport a couple months ago. One affected their relationship. One did not.

also, we don’t know if Tristan disclosed it but he probably didn’t. You know Pastor Cal would have used it as a “she would forgive you so forgive her” bit of bull.

Right. We have no way of knowing what he said to anyone about the DUI 11 years ago, but we watched her lie to Tristan, lie to the producers and lie to the "experts" about it after she got caught and released.  

His mother is a former prison guard. No surprise that her first question to Mia was whether her most recent version of the story would affect her son. Tristan said he was questioned at the airport. 

Now she's in CYA mode because not everyone buys her big bag of BS. Should've thought of that before going on this show.  

[humbleopinion]

The girl lies.

The girl lies on camera.

Her attorney needs to inform her client that she has seen her lie on camera.

No one will bother Ameea if she just disappears into her life and stops trying to defend herself...no one cares except her employer who now has a liar on their payroll.

In the most recent Mia lunacy...she thanks her attorney, Tamara and life coach, Betsey...guess she's not thanking the Lord anymore....the Lord is glad to be far away from this girl....

Edited October 12, 2018 by humbleopinion

[NoWhammies]

23 hours ago, crazychicken said:

Mia really is a strange duck, she has made so many comments in the last 24 hours saying she never called her ex but her new Instastory seems to prove that she did, maybe I am just reading it wrong but to me it looks like she called him back. My take on the image is he called 12.30pm, 12.35pm, 12.36pm all unanswered. 12.41pm he calls her and talks for 3 minutes, 1.01pm she calls him and talks for 15 minutes, 1.16pm he calls her back and they talk for another 7 minutes.

 

 

How much time does she have on her hands that she has all this crap in a PowerPoint presentation that uses an Istock image as the verification stamp.

https://www.istockphoto.com/sg/vector/round-stamp-with-text-verified-gm96867657-11927126

Or that she spent $33 on it.

[Ilovepie]

On 10/11/2018 at 5:44 PM, Meowwww said:

Of course her sister did videos with her   She has her family brainwashed   

I think from what we’ve seen on MAFS the sister is also bat shit crazy, just in a different way.  Dad also seems not exactly normal either from his over aggressive questioning of Tristan. Maybe the whole family is disfunctional......

[gonecrackers]

I'm going to hate watching Mia/Ameea & Tristan stay together on decision day. We know she filed recently so I can only guess they will put on another unbearable act, giving the damn 'experts' something to clink glasses about, which is pretty sick in their case especially.

Danielle, Bobby, & dog family are a given.

Amber has barely tolerated Unfiltered & been noticeably pissed off multiple times. I think Dave forgoes the extra cash to stay together & dumps her decision day. If not, judging by her attitude, it had to have happened some time before Unfiltered was filmed.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

1 hour ago, gonecrackers said:

I'm going to hate watching Mia/Ameea & Tristan stay together on decision day. We know she filed recently so I can only guess they will put on another unbearable act, giving the damn 'experts' something to clink glasses about, which is pretty sick in their case especially.

If that happens, so will I!!  ...But I've read that all MAFS participants are encouraged to wait until after Decision Day airs before actually filing for divorce. (I don't know whether the show only pays for the divorce if they wait, or if that's not the case...) 

1 hour ago, gonecrackers said:

Danielle, Bobby, & dog family are a given.

I don't think so. But, we'll see.

1 hour ago, gonecrackers said:

Amber has barely tolerated Unfiltered & been noticeably pissed off multiple times. I think Dave forgoes the extra cash to stay together & dumps her decision day. If not, judging by her attitude, it had to have happened some time before Unfiltered was filmed.

I agree. Apparently the filming for the follow-up show is a month later this time, not just a week. And, while Dave might "put up with" Amber for an extra week if it meant extra money for him (and extra face-time on TV), a whole month would definitely be stretching Dave's (very limited) patience. 

Besides, that glow from the "sex every night and sometimes in the morning" is probably growing dim.  

[scruffy73]

3 hours ago, gonecrackers said:

I'm going to hate watching Mia/Ameea & Tristan stay together on decision day. We know she filed recently so I can only guess they will put on another unbearable act, giving the damn 'experts' something to clink glasses about, which is pretty sick in their case especially.

Danielle, Bobby, & dog family are a given.

Amber has barely tolerated Unfiltered & been noticeably pissed off multiple times. I think Dave forgoes the extra cash to stay together & dumps her decision day. If not, judging by her attitude, it had to have happened some time before Unfiltered was filmed.

I’m not going to watch Decision Day until I read what the results are. If Mia and Tristan stay together I will not watch without whiskey 

[humbleopinion]

 Beer goggles.....

[gonecrackers]

4 hours ago, scruffy73 said:

I’m not going to watch Decision Day until I read what the results are. If Mia and Tristan stay together I will not watch without whiskey 

I will probably have to DVR; that's way too long a night of this show for me. I'll read comments to find out what happened though.

[humbleopinion]

Dave: Amber, saying that we will stay married made everyone so happy at the taping, I saw Ricky Bobby well up... Let's make the next week until the Reunion Show as stress free as possible.

Amber: Oh, I forgot to tell you...The Reunion Show is in 3 months....I accidentally deleted the email of the shooting schedule...

Dave: When was the email sent?

Amber:  Awhile ago...

Dave: You didn't think that I should have been told that the time period between the Decision Show and Reunion Show was changed from a week to 3 months?

Amber: If you were willing to say yes on Decision Day then you wouldn't care if the Reunion Show was 7 days or 120 days later...

Dave:  Yes, it matters greatly to me.

Amber: So...wine?...

Dave: Yes, please.

Dave: I have a business meeting with your friend Ashley tonight...

Amber: Oh, she didn't mention we would see each other tonight...

Dave: Not you...Ashley and I will be meeting alone.

She has been wanting me to take a hard, probing, thorough examination of her considerable assets...she's needed someone with expertise to massage her bottom line...

Dave: Who are you dialing Amber?

Amber: I am making a hair appointment to dye my hair brown...