Getting to Genoa You All Over Again: Y&R Daily Chat

[MsMalin]

49 minutes ago, Waldo13 said:

Where did Daniel get the coffee that he brought to Lily? 

Maybe from the coffee shop Phyllis went to where she found someone to make the phone call to Scummer. 

[SiouxB]

And speaking of those two coffee cups Daniel was holding...

Of course, WE know they’re empty but the way he was carrying them..... he didn’t even make an attempt to act like they were full ! 😛

[boes]

I think Allison Lanier who's playing Summer is doing a good job portraying Dummer's increasing hysteria.  I shudder to think what we'd be seeing if HK was still in the role.  Nonetheless, the storyline itself stinks so her acting skills are wasted IMO.

In that same vein, I'm pissed that Show brought back Michael Graziadei, reviving his character of Daniel and done little with him but make him a mopey moop.  Daniel, IMO, was a great character and MG did some wonderful things with him, none of which we're seeing.

I'm wondering if Lauralee Bell is thinking someone has it out for her.  They bring her back to play Christine and besides saddling her with Phyllis' nonmurder, make her look like a real dumbass for not seeing the giant holes in her case against Diane.  It was almost embarrassing watch her try to dismiss Stark's murder as not central to the case.

Show refuses to do the ONE thing that would save this storyline, which is having Chance work it wearing only a speedo (sunglasses optional)!  I wouldn't complain one little bit if that were the case.  And I have no doubt he could work it...

Wasn't it cute the way Sharon and Mariah oohed and awwed over that tape recorder wrapped in a blanket when the timer went off and it cooed and burped?   Sure fooled me that there was a real baby in that carriage.

[Rye]

3 hours ago, Js Nana said:

The attitude that Trevor St. John gives to that character, it's like he's saying to the viewers "Do you believe this shit?"

His acting makes Peter Bergman’s choices seem all the more glaring. I know I’m alone at the table but I really can’t stand PB version of Jack. Just scenery-chewing, all-caps ACTING, like  enunciating really hard means you’re intense. So to have TSJ on the show, and even sharing scenes with PB, only makes PB sound even more ridiculous and hysterical. It kinda points to the changes in the general style of acting of the last 40 years, that overacting is too much even on a soap. 

[Js Nana]

2 minutes ago, Rye said:

Just scenery-chewing, all-caps ACTING, like  enunciating really hard means you’re intense.

Couldn't agree more, and I would throw inJosh Morrow's perpetual pout and Sean Dominic's wooden portrayal of Nate to boot - - sometimes the background actors are the most interesting characters in a scene.

 

 

 

 

[One Tough Cookie]

1 hour ago, boes said:

Show refuses to do the ONE thing that would save this storyline, which is having Chance work it wearing only a speedo (sunglasses optional)!  I wouldn't complain one little bit if that were the case.  And I have no doubt he could work it..

OK--that's it for tonight--I can go to bed!

[SweePea59]

7 hours ago, boes said:

In that same vein, I'm pissed that Show brought back Michael Graziadei, reviving his character of Daniel and done little with him but make him a mopey moop.  Daniel, IMO, was a great character and MG did some wonderful things with him, none of which we're seeing.

And we still don't know what his problem was that was so bad it made Heather and Lucy flee to Portugal of all places. Has that been totally dropped? And does his BFF Kevin even know he's back in GC? BTW, where is Kevin? Doesn't he still work at the GCPD? Shouldn't he be involved in this BS story up to his little chipmunk ears?

[lgprimes]

I used to love Jack but he has been super dull for at least a year now, and yes I think PB’s portrayal is part of  the problem.

 So today, while he was ranting at Chance I tuned him out and started reading the notices on the CL bulletin board! Props to the set design crew, there was some funny stuff up there- the most prominent one was for accordion lessons, and another one was “tearable puns”.

I did LOL at that bulletin board, so good for them! But if the storyline or acting were better I would not be noticing it. When a bulletin board prop is the highlight of an episode, the show is in trouble.

[MollyB]

13 hours ago, Waldo13 said:

Where did Daniel get the coffee that he brought to Lily?

I think that's C/W in-house coffee.  Daniel does work there, right?  (Lily told Darvon that SillyComputerPlatform is on schedule ((Late May? Really?)) and Daniel is working thru his grief.) There's probably a trendy little coffee/snack shop somewhere in the building.

I'm taking off for Seattle for a couple weeks and won't be watching.  I think the break will do my legal outrage some good.  I will, however, be checking in daily on this forum so don't hold back.  You're a priceless group of wits.

[Kemper]

1 hour ago, MollyB said:

I think that's C/W in-house coffee.  Daniel does work there, right?  (Lily told Darvon that SillyComputerPlatform is on schedule ((Late May? Really?)) and Daniel is working thru his grief.) There's probably a trendy little coffee/snack shop somewhere in the building.

I'm taking off for Seattle for a couple weeks and won't be watching.  I think the break will do my legal outrage some good.  I will, however, be checking in daily on this forum so don't hold back.  You're a priceless group of wits.

Legal Outrage. So let’s add one bad-actor-punchable face-greasy-grossly over-sexed brother sleeping with his brother’s pregnant girlfriend; throw in a dash of the girlfriend tolerating it; add a brew of 50+ mean girls trying to kill/run out of town the new girl in their midst; toss in an octogenarian trying to buy his grandchild from above mentioned girlfriend; sprinkle in a new Tucker (maybe the only bright spot for months) whose storylines go nowhere; a new baby from a couple we never see. Just the tip of this melting iceberg. But MollyB - you are right - the legal side of things is probably the most egregious.

Whoever upthread called Nick a “punchable face” is the most brilliant describer of a soap character I have ever read.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the actor is flattered by this - thinks this means he is doing a great job. 🤡
 

[boes]

6 hours ago, lgprimes said:

I used to love Jack but he has been super dull for at least a year now, and yes I think PB’s portrayal is part of  the problem.

 So today, while he was ranting at Chance I tuned him out and started reading the notices on the CL bulletin board! Props to the set design crew, there was some funny stuff up there- the most prominent one was for accordion lessons, and another one was “tearable puns”.

I did LOL at that bulletin board, so good for them! But if the storyline or acting were better I would not be noticing it. When a bulletin board prop is the highlight of an episode, the show is in trouble.

I saw those too!  I especially loved the "tearable puns".

I know what you all are saying about Peter Bergman, but I'm going to love him till the bitter end.  His acting tics - scrunching his eyes in concentration, punching one hand into the other, raising his chin when he's giving someone hell, all of that becomes even more noticeable when he's saying the same thing over and over and over again.  Thanks, writers.

IMHO, Jack's been mostly a reactive character for the last decade, mostly a sidebar to other characters such as his brother or Phyllis or Ashley.  I don't mind him growing a conscience and becoming a better man, especially when I contrast him with Victor, who's barely changed at all.  But it says something that the Jack I'm most likely to pay attention to is angry Jack, whether it be with Ashley or Phyllis or Victor or the appalling ButtBiscuit.  As much as I love Peter Bergman, I can't remember the last time Jack surprised me.  Show could and should do better by him.

Edited May 4, 2023 by boes

[Bunnyto4]

17 hours ago, Js Nana said:

The attitude that Trevor St. John gives to that character, it's like he's saying to the viewers "Do you believe this shit?"

100%. Love that guy-he's got such a "fuck it" attitude. 

[Joimiaroxeu]

PB's portral of Jack as a controlled, crisply-enunciating patrician began when he took over the role. Bill Bell hired him and Bell had plenty of years to tell PB to perform the role differently if that's not what he had in mind.

I agree though that PB's been phoning it in lately, as many of the cast seem to be. IMO they're uninspired by or bored with the writing but they've still got bills to pay so they suck it up.

Here's where I drop the reminder that there is a thread for Unpopular Opinions. This Daily Chat thread is supposed to be for discussion related to the specific episodes as they are broadcast in the U.S.

Edited May 4, 2023 by Joimiaroxeu
my lawn, get off it

[Bunnyto4]

I'm really beyond sick of Devon and the rod he has so firmly up his ass. Lighten up, dude-wouldn't that be what Neil the Venerable would wish? Gah!

[Bunnyto4]

34 minutes ago, Joimiaroxeu said:

PB's portral of Jack as a controlled, crisply-enunciating patrician began when he took over the role. Bill Bell hired him and Bell had plenty of years to tell PB to perform the role differently if that's not what he had in mind.

I agree though that PB's been phoning it in lately, as many of the cast seem to be. IMO they're uninspired by or bored with the writing but they've still got bills to pay so they suck it up.

Here's where I drop the reminder that there is a thread for Unpopular Opinions. This Daily Chat thread is supposed to be for discussion related to the specific episodes as they are broadcast in the U.S.

He said "momentoes" yesterday and my heart broke a little. Yes, I'm petty.

[Gam2]

Why oh why did the hair folks do that to Ashley’s head? That might be the stupidest hair don’t I’ve ever seen.

[MsMalin]

Elena jumped on the red eye flight to make it in time for brunch in LA.. Wore the same clothes and her hair was a mess. Broke up with Nate and I assume took flight back to GC in the same clothes! I hope she showers before work.

[Rye]

Daniel’s reaction to Phylth being alive today was *chef’s kiss*. I kept hoping he would realize she didn’t tell both of them because she can’t manipulate him like she can Dummer. And then tell Dummer she didn’t choose her because of a *~special bond~* but because she thinks Dummer’s an idiot (i.e. “She told you and not me because she has no respect for you”). But for now, someone having a rational response and clearly articulating that in the face of this stupidity was refreshing.

As for what that means about the state of the show that one reasonable conversation is a breath of fresh air….

[Chatty Cake]

I was hoping for something more dramatic when Elena confronted Part and Piece. It was kind of a letdown. 

Daniel was raised by Danny Romalotti who was a good person. He shouldn’t even follow up with Summer who was raised by a demon and a horny idiot. He needs to go straight to Chance. Then they need to lay a trap for Crispy. Maybe they can fake Summers death to lure her back to town? In fact they could fake her death at the Neil Winters Commemorative Tribute Memorial being held at the Neil Winters Memorial Honor and Decency Jazz Lounge.

 

[Kemper]

Chatty Cake…”Part and Piece”…probably one of the funniest descriptions of a soap pairing I have ever read. Kudos!

[CountryGirl]

5 hours ago, boes said:

I saw those too!  I especially loved the "tearable puns".

I know what you all are saying about Peter Bergman, but I'm going to love him till the bitter end.  His acting tics - scrunching his eyes in concentration, punching one hand into the other, raising his chin when he's giving someone hell, all of that becomes even more noticeable when he's saying the same thing over and over and over again.  Thanks, writers.

Don't forget him biting his lip, scrunching his eyes in concentration optional.

 

[Chatty Cake]

10 minutes ago, Kemper said:

Chatty Cake…”Part and Piece”…probably one of the funniest descriptions of a soap pairing I have ever read. Kudos!

I can’t take full credit. Someone last week referred to Victoria as the Side Parts Side Piece. This group of posters is the best. 

[NinjaPenguins]

Daniel: Let’s play another round of Is My Asshole Sister Crazy! Here’s Summer, my asshole sister.

Summer: Thanks for having me, Daniel. I’d like to repeat my whole spiel about Mom being alive after tailoring Jeremy’s velour shell with a pair of scissors. Ask the cops how he died. You’ll see.

Daniel: It… it was so quiet.

Summer: Mere mortals couldn’t survive such a villain, but our mom is something special.

Daniel: If by special you mean summoned by a ouija board, sure.

*********

Michael: Good morning! I’ve been doing some bad ass lawyering and the flex is on.

Diane: Oh lord.

Michael: Kyle’s pompadour has reached heights of smug never seen in follicular history.

Diane: I’m actually glad that Jack and Kyle ignored my repeated and persistent pleas to fuck all the way off. I mean, not really, but I guess I’m supposed to find their unwanted presence charming and loving.

Michael: We’re going to bust you out of here, sunshine.

**********

Jack: What the fuck? Billy is still making payments on the Jaboat? Sell that thing and get me the cash right away. I need bail money.

Ashley: What’s happening?

Jack: Eat dirt and die, trash. How dare you move that slime mold into my house at a time like this! He’s a scoundrel! A bounder. A lothario, even.

Ashley: At least he doesn’t spend his evenings reading a thesaurus.

**********

Tucker: How about some coffee?

Devon: Nah.

Tucker: No one wants my coffee. I offered some to Jack wearing my sauciest smile and you know what? Turned down flat. It was so good, Devon.

Devon: I just don’t feel right leaving work for a cup of coffee.

Tucker: Okay. How do you feel about a steaming mug of the Neil Winters International Jazz Festival and Briefcase Expo? I’mma announce it at the shindig tonight.

**********

Daniel: I’m pissed off. If rage was candy, I’d be motherfucking Willy Wonka.

Summer: I know. I saw your suffering and just had to tell you the truth. I’m such a good egg.

Daniel: You’re an asshole.

Summer: Jeremy Stark forced mom to do all this.

Daniel: Nobody forces mom to do anything. Next.

Summer: Okay, but what about her feeling like everyone was against her? Diane stole her life! She stole Jack!

Daniel: Makes Price is Right showcase loser noise: She could have had Jack anytime she wanted. He would have dropped everything and went running if Mom snapped her fingers. She had years to land Jack. She only wanted his ass because Diane had it.

Summer: Check this out. We abandoned our mother. We had the nerve to get mad at her just because she crossed every boundary we drew.

Daniel: You’re blaming us? Dad raised me right, so I’m only slapping you silly in my head. It’s so cathartic.

Summer: I don’t know what that means.

Daniel: It means I rue the day you were born.

*********

Ashley: You never asked anyone here how they felt about Diane moving in, so stick it up your self righteous tailpipe.

Jack: That’s different. I moved Kyle’s mother and Harrison’s grandmother into my house.

Ashley: Stop hogging the house, Jack. Dad would so ground you.

Jack: How in the hell are you going to explain Tucker to Harrison? You’ll taint that child’s innocence with your tawdry dalliance.

Ashley: How did you explain his father’s humping the pom pom off a winter hat? I’ll just explain that he’s Aunt Ashley’s friend.

Jack: What if he and Diane run into each other? Think about that.

Ashley: Bitch be in jail.

Jack: Not for long, sucker.

********

Victoria: This column here is showing so much growth, which really excites me. I never expected such big numbers.

Nate: Your analysis of my skills gives me great pleasure.

Victoria: My etchings… did you like them?

Nate: They were technically impeccable but rather emotionally cold.

Victoria: Oh you.

Nate: Look, Victoria, I need to say something. Can we ixnay on the ersonalpay stuff until we finish the business stuff?

Victoria: Of course. One orgasm can last me years. I’m a sexual camel.

*********

Devon: It’s a great idea. But I can’t decide on something so big a few hours before the party.

Tucker: You want that I should back off?

Devon: The party is really just for people who loved Neil to gather and listen to jazz. Not grandiose announcements to suck up to me.

Tucker: Well, I owe Neil a lot for raising you. You wouldn’t have that javelin up your ass without his influence.

Devon: That’s right. Look, I appreciate that you’re trying to connect with me.

Tucker: You know I sold McCall Unlimited to Satan. And I’m putting down roots here in Genoa City. Ashley asked me to move in.

Devon: No shit? Huh. Didn’t realize it was getting that serious.

Tucker: Well, it’s not really. She moved me in as a fuck you to Jack. I can roll with it though. You ever need to piss off Abby, I’m your guy.

Devon: Ashley and I are two totally different people. Just because she trusts you to annoy Jack doesn’t automatically mean I’m going to call on you when I need next level trolling.

Tucker: It’s not so much a javelin as it is the blade of a wind turbine, right?

Devon: I’d like to invite you to the party tonight. Maybe you can absorb some of Neil’s honorable vibes by osmosis.

Tucker: Thank you. I’m honored. Now this is going to be at the venue where Phyllis dropped dead, right?

Devon: Good times. Gooood times.

*********

Elena: Busted.

Victoria: Elena! Oh, how rude of me. The least I can do after spreading the sheets with Nate is buy you breakfast.

Elena: Shut the fuck up. This is between me and that fancy dog.

Victoria: I’ll just scurry off like I’m actually capable of embarrassment.

Nate: Gee, what brings you all the way here.

Elena: I go where I please. There’s those pissy, petulant faces again, like I did something wrong. My only mistake was allowing a bag of dicks to gaslight me.

Nate: I didn’t even know Victoria was going to show up! Let alone with a portfolio full of etchings.

Elena: Don’t insult my intelligence. Etchings? Did she show you her etchings?

Nate: God. Yes. I looked at Victoria’s etchings. I never intended -

Elena: Intentions aren’t magic. And neither is your wand.

********

Summer: I was so clever, posing Mom’s dilemma as a hypothetical.

Daniel: Clever? Didn’t we play it out and realize there are no good answers? Fucking Einstein level gambit there.

Summer: I tried to gather some intel from Chance, but he got suspicious when I asked to borrow Stark’s autopsy report.

Daniel: Can you explode from stifled rage?

Summer: Dad told me that you can explode and die if you hold your farts in, so he always lets ‘em out immediately. Anyway, Mom will for damn sure go to prison for the Diane stuff.

Daniel: She deserves to. And she did the exact opposite of what she should have done after she’d killed Stark in self defense.

Summer: She’ll go to jail forever! Oh noes! Maybe it’s better if she disappears. Maybe she can go to a nice farm upstate where there’s room to play and goats to pet. It will kill me, but she’ll be free.

Daniel: What even is this I can’t what the fuck how is this my life.

Summer: Let’s not bring up Mom telling me and not you about being alive. I’m sure she’d come up with some crazy reason, like your conscience.

Daniel: What about Diane, Summer? She’s in jail for a crime that she didn’t commit. Better yet, the crime never even existed. You’re willing to watch an innocent woman get tried and convicted for our mother’s imaginary homicide.

Summer: Her eyes turn completely black as a raspy, growling voice emerges from her cakehole. Diane is not so innocent, fool. We hates the Diane. Diane must be the sacrifice. Her blood belongs to the Prince of Lies!

Daniel: Do you even hear yourself right now? You sound exactly like Mom before her third exorcism. 

Summer: Diane just needs to rot long enough for us to get Mom out of her self created jam!

Daniel: You’re talking about your husband’s mother and your son’s grandmother. How the fuck do you look any Abbott in the eye knowing what you know? You know what, actually? Fuck this shit. I’m going to the police.

Summer: Nooooooooooo! I promised Mom I’d keep her secret. Allow me to manipulate you the same way she did me. I only told you, her firstborn man trap, because I thought you’d be someone who would protect her.

Daniel: Don’t write checks with your stupid pouty mouth that your ass can’t cash.

Summer: Please tell me you can be the person who destroys their own morality to protect our mother’s heinous selfishness!

Daniel: I don’t know! If I’m trapped in a plot-driven hellscape where the only imperative is to pump the tires of an absolute scumbag, it’s possible.

*********

Elena: I thought you’d changed, that you were making a real effort. Spur of the moment dates, love in the afternoon, little vacations… that was all guilt, wasn’t it?

Nate: I don’t really feel guilt. More like a mild discomfort from getting caught. Besides, this was a legit business trip, setting aside all the double entendres and complete lack of hesitation when asked to go upstairs. 

Elena: Your family said you’d become a different person after joining the business world. An ambitious, amoral creeper was how Lily put it. 

Nate: I’m still the same lovable scamp and charming rogue I’ve always been. Victoria thinks I’m great.

Elena: You know, maybe you’ve always been this. A… a faithless turd so breathtakingly arrogant he thinks he can rock a side part and fuck his CEO. You can’t. It’s over.

********

Michael: Special delivery!

Jack: Oh god. They denied bail again.

Diane: It’s me! Let’s hug forever!

Jack: Yay! It’s about to get schmoopy up in here.

Michael: Before you lose yourself in schmaltz, allow me to comment on how none of this would have been possible without Jack repeatedly and persistently annoying the ever loving shit out of me. ‘Make it happen’ he says, like I can magically pull a bail hearing out of my legal briefs. You’re lucky I’m essentially the Perry Mason of this dumbass town.

Diane: I’m so grateful.

Michael: There was a moment when I thought the judge was going to be swayed to the dark side, but a few added bail conditions and a large cashier’s check later, here we be.

Jack: Bail conditions? Break it to me gently.

Diane: I’m under house arrest and get to wear this beautiful ankle bracelet.

Jack: Kyle will be so thrilled. And Harrison has asked about you every day. I should warn you that Kyle panicked and told him you’d been on the moon. There are some stones in the garden you can probably pass off as lunar rocks.

Diane: I can’t wait to see his little face. Too bad Summer won’t be as happy as the rest of you.

Jack: To be honest, we’ve all stopped caring what that asshole thinks. Now, let’s talk about getting married immediately.

Diane: For fuck’s sake, Jack.

**********

Ashley: Aaarrgggghhh.

Tucker: ‘Sup?

Ashley: My dumb dick of a brother is trying to bust Diane out of jail.

Tucker: What the hell are we sitting here for? I’ve always wanted to drive a getaway car.

Ashley: There’s another bail hearing this afternoon.

Tucker: How dreadfully dull. If she gets out though, I could offer her coffee at breakfast.

Ashley: Oh please don’t even go there. What a nightmare scenario.

Tucker: Sorry. I don’t think I could stand having my hazelnut almond blend treated like swill again either.

Ashley: Any word on your top secret project?

Tucker: Today I pitched my plan to Devon. The Neil Winters International Jazz Festival and Briefcase Expo. He kind of swatted it down, but I got an invitation to the Neil tribute.

Ashley: I think it’s an excellent idea. Devon will probably come around.

Tucker: I may have also let slip that we’re living together. He will probably tell Abby. Hehehe. Devon, my son, is living with your daughter, Abby. We are a fun pair.

Ashley: Big mouth.

*********

Victoria: You obviously wanted to get caught.

Nate: No, I didn’t. This was supposed to be a serious business trip.

Victoria: You were pulling a condom out of your wallet before the word ‘etchings’ left my lips.

Nate: I know you Newmans don’t bother to sugarcoat it anymore, but I need to believe I’m a stand up guy with a dick that just blunders into situations.

Victoria: Of course. If you need time to process how our workmanlike but ultimately satisfying sexual encounter is an adequate trade in for your sense of morality, I can handle the meetings today.

Nate: Yeah. I need to process this until I figure out a way to make this Elena’s fault. I’ll keep my door unlocked and the champagne chilled.

[Joimiaroxeu]

Okay, how did Elena find Nate and Victoria? She may have learned what hotel they'd be staying in but they could've been eating anywhere in L.A.

Nate apparently has bad peripheral vision on top of his other failings. How did he not see Elena standing back there listening to him trying to keep Vikki on the hook?

Of course Summer was defending her psycho mommy to Daniel. She simply parroted the self-serving story Phyllis had told her. By my calculations, StuporGirl has zero critical thinking skills.

Aw yeah, Elena had time today! But gurrrlll, throwing water in Nate's face? Weak. You should've flipped the table in his lap and strutted out before the restaurant manager could call the cops.

Summer, Diane didn't bring Stark to GC, Phyllis did. And Diane hasn't killed anyone--that we know of, anyway--so FOH with the false equivalency. I am so glad Daniel threw all the truths back in your dumb face.

Diane's hair was looking pretty good for someone who was just released from lockup. Did she get a jailhouse blowout, lol?

Shut up, Nate. Nobody is feeling sorry for your lying and cheating self. You should've taken some time to think before you screwed another woman, not after you were caught.

Oy, I feel like Ashley and Tucker should not go to Neil's Memorial 2: Electric Boogaloo event together. Ashley was in a serious relationship with Neil when she first got with Tucker. AFAIC that karma is still bad.

Do the right thing, Daniel, and do it before Phyllis shows up to talk you out of it. Because you know she will.

Edited May 4, 2023 by Joimiaroxeu

[Chatty Cake]

27 minutes ago, Joimiaroxeu said:

Okay, how did Elena find Nate and Victoria? She may have learned what hotel they'd be staying in but they could've been eating anywhere in 

They could’ve given us the illusion that she had to spend a few hours tracking them down since LA is the size of you know, Los Angeles.

Im hoping she does more than the glass of water in face too. Maybe she could cut one sleeve off of all his suit jackets. 

[Waldo13]

I have to say that Summer❄️❄️❄️ has a great pout. It almost makes me feel sorry for her. Almost. Their conversation proves the biggest difference between Summer❄️❄️❄️ and Daniel is that Summer❄️❄️❄️ is a true ❄️❄️❄️ and Daniel is a pragmatist.  Crispy can easily use the mommy guilt to manipulate Summer❄️❄️❄️ but it really doesn’t have a whole lot of effect on Daniel.  Daniel is 100% correct that Summer❄️❄️❄️ sounds like Crispy because Summer❄️❄️❄️ is using Crispy’s exact argument why Diane is a bad person. Summer❄️❄️❄️ Diane was associated with Stark, in the past, but it was Crispy that brought him to town. 

What is the over and under on Daniel telling Lily that Crispy is alive?  I give it a week. What is the over and under of Summer❄️❄️❄️ unintentionally giving Kyle information about Crispy being alive?  If Diane is out on bail, then it would also be about a week. 

Elena calling out Natey Nate Nate was a thing of beauty. I was just a little disappointed that there wasn’t more liquid in the glass that Elena through in Natey Nate Nate’s face.  

What’s so wrong about Tucker announcing the jazz festival at Neil’s tribute. Wouldn’t it be a great time to do so?  Devon’s cynicism is starting to wear on me. 

Oh happy day!  Diane is out on bail. It’s going to be very amusing to watch all the unhinged rants and raves.  

This whole Crispy idea of going to jail for the rest of her life is so overblown.  First of all it was self defense and even if it’s harder to prove now that the body was moved, Michael, that fantastic lawyer would get her off.  Plus when has Crispy been accountable for anything?  

 

[SweePea59]

I missed the first half of the show. Did I miss the scene with the judge where Michael got Mulva out, that they described in detail to Jack?

[Gam2]

35 minutes ago, SweePea59 said:

I missed the first half of the show. Did I miss the scene with the judge where Michael got Mulva out, that they described in detail to Jack?

This is, yet again, another example of this show (and others) telling us what happened rather than showing us because this requires so much less effort on the writers’ part. All we know is what Michael and Diane told Jack. 

I do wish Daniel would go straight to Chase and turn in his psycho mother and delusional sister. I truly cannot wait for all of this to come out. Wait until Kyle finds out!!

[One Tough Cookie]

 

 

today was boring,.  that's all.

eta:  Ashley looks great in black, but I wish the producers would lighten up on the eye make up, she's very beautiful and doesn't need as much.

Edited May 5, 2023 by One Tough Cookie

[ezzylin]

1 hour ago, Joimiaroxeu said:

Shut up, Nate. Nobody is feeling sorry for your lying and cheating self. You should've taken some time to think before you screwed another woman, not after you were caught.

Nate takes after his bio dad- Nate Sr. was a cheater, too. By cheating on Elena, he's continuing the Hastings tradition.

[Js Nana]

22 minutes ago, Gam2 said:

This is, yet again, another example of this show (and others) telling us what happened rather than showing us

If they were going to show scenes like Diane appearing before a judge to appeal the previous remand ruling, they'd have to construct a whole new set, and that costs money.

1 hour ago, Chatty Cake said:

Maybe she could cut one sleeve off of all his suit jackets. 

Wow, talk about your Freudian symbolism.

[Js Nana]

 

22 hours ago, boes said:

I think Allison Lanier who's playing Summer is doing a good job portraying Dummer's increasing hysteria. 

Sorry, but I keep imagining how an actor with more depth would portray the character, which leaves me rather disappointed with Ms. Lanier's performance.  Nothing personal, I'm certain that Allison Lanier is a wonderful person, but I find her acting superficial.

[MsMalin]

4 hours ago, Chatty Cake said:

Part and Piece

Why does this crack me up so much?!? 😂🤪

3 hours ago, Chatty Cake said:

I can’t take full credit. Someone last week referred to Victoria as the Side Parts Side Piece. This group of posters is the best. 

Yes,; I found it just as hilarious as last weeks side part and side piece

Edited May 5, 2023 by MsMalin

[One Tough Cookie]

On 5/4/2023 at 4:48 PM, NinjaPenguins said:

Jack: Eat dirt and die, trash

Eat trash and DIE jerk {this is Blanche speaking}

Edited May 6, 2023 by One Tough Cookie

[Js Nana]

I found the scene between Daniel and Summer on today's episode sad because it revealed how sadly deficient Allison Lanier's acting ability is compared to that of a seasoned pro like Michael Graziadei.

[MsMalin]

Funny that Hairison has asked about DeeDee  everyday but has not said one g.d. word about missing his mother.

14 hours ago, Joimiaroxeu said:

Okay, how did Elena find Nate and Victoria? She may have learned what hotel they'd be staying in but they could've been eating anywhere in L.A.

She had an airtag on him

Edited May 5, 2023 by MsMalin

[Js Nana]

I really found it amusing watching "Pope Jack" pontificate away on today's episode.

[Waldo13]

3 hours ago, NinjaPenguins said:

Daniel: Let’s play another round of Is My Asshole Sister Crazy! Here’s Summer, my asshole sister.

Summer: Thanks for having me, Daniel. I’d like to repeat my whole spiel about Mom being alive after tailoring Jeremy’s velour shell with a pair of scissors. Ask the cops how he died. You’ll see.

Daniel: It… it was so quiet.

Summer: Mere mortals couldn’t survive such a villain, but our mom is something special.

Daniel: If by special you mean summoned by a ouija board, sure.

*********

Michael: Good morning! I’ve been doing some bad ass lawyering and the flex is on.

Diane: Oh lord.

Michael: Kyle’s pompadour has reached heights of smug never seen in follicular history.

Diane: I’m actually glad that Jack and Kyle ignored my repeated and persistent pleas to fuck all the way off. I mean, not really, but I guess I’m supposed to find their unwanted presence charming and loving.

Michael: We’re going to bust you out of here, sunshine.

**********

Jack: What the fuck? Billy is still making payments on the Jaboat? Sell that thing and get me the cash right away. I need bail money.

Ashley: What’s happening?

Jack: Eat dirt and die, trash. How dare you move that slime mold into my house at a time like this! He’s a scoundrel! A bounder. A lothario, even.

Ashley: At least he doesn’t spend his evenings reading a thesaurus.

**********

Tucker: How about some coffee?

Devon: Nah.

Tucker: No one wants my coffee. I offered some to Jack wearing my sauciest smile and you know what? Turned down flat. It was so good, Devon.

Devon: I just don’t feel right leaving work for a cup of coffee.

Tucker: Okay. How do you feel about a steaming mug of the Neil Winters International Jazz Festival and Briefcase Expo? I’mma announce it at the shindig tonight.

**********

Daniel: I’m pissed off. If rage was candy, I’d be motherfucking Willy Wonka.

Summer: I know. I saw your suffering and just had to tell you the truth. I’m such a good egg.

Daniel: You’re an asshole.

Summer: Jeremy Stark forced mom to do all this.

Daniel: Nobody forces mom to do anything. Next.

Summer: Okay, but what about her feeling like everyone was against her? Diane stole her life! She stole Jack!

Daniel: Makes Price is Right showcase loser noise: She could have had Jack anytime she wanted. He would have dropped everything and went running if Mom snapped her fingers. She had years to land Jack. She only wanted his ass because Diane had it.

Summer: Check this out. We abandoned our mother. We had the nerve to get mad at her just because she crossed every boundary we drew.

Daniel: You’re blaming us? Dad raised me right, so I’m only slapping you silly in my head. It’s so cathartic.

Summer: I don’t know what that means.

Daniel: It means I rue the day you were born.

*********

Ashley: You never asked anyone here how they felt about Diane moving in, so stick it up your self righteous tailpipe.

Jack: That’s different. I moved Kyle’s mother and Harrison’s grandmother into my house.

Ashley: Stop hogging the house, Jack. Dad would so ground you.

Jack: How in the hell are you going to explain Tucker to Harrison? You’ll taint that child’s innocence with your tawdry dalliance.

Ashley: How did you explain his father’s humping the pom pom off a winter hat? I’ll just explain that he’s Aunt Ashley’s friend.

Jack: What if he and Diane run into each other? Think about that.

Ashley: Bitch be in jail.

Jack: Not for long, sucker.

********

Victoria: This column here is showing so much growth, which really excites me. I never expected such big numbers.

Nate: Your analysis of my skills gives me great pleasure.

Victoria: My etchings… did you like them?

Nate: They were technically impeccable but rather emotionally cold.

Victoria: Oh you.

Nate: Look, Victoria, I need to say something. Can we ixnay on the ersonalpay stuff until we finish the business stuff?

Victoria: Of course. One orgasm can last me years. I’m a sexual camel.

*********

Devon: It’s a great idea. But I can’t decide on something so big a few hours before the party.

Tucker: You want that I should back off?

Devon: The party is really just for people who loved Neil to gather and listen to jazz. Not grandiose announcements to suck up to me.

Tucker: Well, I owe Neil a lot for raising you. You wouldn’t have that javelin up your ass without his influence.

Devon: That’s right. Look, I appreciate that you’re trying to connect with me.

Tucker: You know I sold McCall Unlimited to Satan. And I’m putting down roots here in Genoa City. Ashley asked me to move in.

Devon: No shit? Huh. Didn’t realize it was getting that serious.

Tucker: Well, it’s not really. She moved me in as a fuck you to Jack. I can roll with it though. You ever need to piss off Abby, I’m your guy.

Devon: Ashley and I are two totally different people. Just because she trusts you to annoy Jack doesn’t automatically mean I’m going to call on you when I need next level trolling.

Tucker: It’s not so much a javelin as it is the blade of a wind turbine, right?

Devon: I’d like to invite you to the party tonight. Maybe you can absorb some of Neil’s honorable vibes by osmosis.

Tucker: Thank you. I’m honored. Now this is going to be at the venue where Phyllis dropped dead, right?

Devon: Good times. Gooood times.

*********

Elena: Busted.

Victoria: Elena! Oh, how rude of me. The least I can do after spreading the sheets with Nate is buy you breakfast.

Elena: Shut the fuck up. This is between me and that fancy dog.

Victoria: I’ll just scurry off like I’m actually capable of embarrassment.

Nate: Gee, what brings you all the way here.

Elena: I go where I please. There’s those pissy, petulant faces again, like I did something wrong. My only mistake was allowing a bag of dicks to gaslight me.

Nate: I didn’t even know Victoria was going to show up! Let alone with a portfolio full of etchings.

Elena: Don’t insult my intelligence. Etchings? Did she show you her etchings?

Nate: God. Yes. I looked at Victoria’s etchings. I never intended -

Elena: Intentions aren’t magic. And neither is your wand.

********

Summer: I was so clever, posing Mom’s dilemma as a hypothetical.

Daniel: Clever? Didn’t we play it out and realize there are no good answers? Fucking Einstein level gambit there.

Summer: I tried to gather some intel from Chance, but he got suspicious when I asked to borrow Stark’s autopsy report.

Daniel: Can you explode from stifled rage?

Summer: Dad told me that you can explode and die if you hold your farts in, so he always lets ‘em out immediately. Anyway, Mom will for damn sure go to prison for the Diane stuff.

Daniel: She deserves to. And she did the exact opposite of what she should have done after she’d killed Stark in self defense.

Summer: She’ll go to jail forever! Oh noes! Maybe it’s better if she disappears. Maybe she can go to a nice farm upstate where there’s room to play and goats to pet. It will kill me, but she’ll be free.

Daniel: What even is this I can’t what the fuck how is this my life.

Summer: Let’s not bring up Mom telling me and not you about being alive. I’m sure she’d come up with some crazy reason, like your conscience.

Daniel: What about Diane, Summer? She’s in jail for a crime that she didn’t commit. Better yet, the crime never even existed. You’re willing to watch an innocent woman get tried and convicted for our mother’s imaginary homicide.

Summer: Her eyes turn completely black as a raspy, growling voice emerges from her cakehole. Diane is not so innocent, fool. We hates the Diane. Diane must be the sacrifice. Her blood belongs to the Prince of Lies!

Daniel: Do you even hear yourself right now? You sound exactly like Mom before her third exorcism. 

Summer: Diane just needs to rot long enough for us to get Mom out of her self created jam!

Daniel: You’re talking about your husband’s mother and your son’s grandmother. How the fuck do you look any Abbott in the eye knowing what you know? You know what, actually? Fuck this shit. I’m going to the police.

Summer: Nooooooooooo! I promised Mom I’d keep her secret. Allow me to manipulate you the same way she did me. I only told you, her firstborn man trap, because I thought you’d be someone who would protect her.

Daniel: Don’t write checks with your stupid pouty mouth that your ass can’t cash.

Summer: Please tell me you can be the person who destroys their own morality to protect our mother’s heinous selfishness!

Daniel: I don’t know! If I’m trapped in a plot-driven hellscape where the only imperative is to pump the tires of an absolute scumbag, it’s possible.

*********

Elena: I thought you’d changed, that you were making a real effort. Spur of the moment dates, love in the afternoon, little vacations… that was all guilt, wasn’t it?

Nate: I don’t really feel guilt. More like a mild discomfort from getting caught. Besides, this was a legit business trip, setting aside all the double entendres and complete lack of hesitation when asked to go upstairs. 

Elena: Your family said you’d become a different person after joining the business world. An ambitious, amoral creeper was how Lily put it. 

Nate: I’m still the same lovable scamp and charming rogue I’ve always been. Victoria thinks I’m great.

Elena: You know, maybe you’ve always been this. A… a faithless turd so breathtakingly arrogant he thinks he can rock a side part and fuck his CEO. You can’t. It’s over.

********

Michael: Special delivery!

Jack: Oh god. They denied bail again.

Diane: It’s me! Let’s hug forever!

Jack: Yay! It’s about to get schmoopy up in here.

Michael: Before you lose yourself in schmaltz, allow me to comment on how none of this would have been possible without Jack repeatedly and persistently annoying the ever loving shit out of me. ‘Make it happen’ he says, like I can magically pull a bail hearing out of my legal briefs. You’re lucky I’m essentially the Perry Mason of this dumbass town.

Diane: I’m so grateful.

Michael: There was a moment when I thought the judge was going to be swayed to the dark side, but a few added bail conditions and a large cashier’s check later, here we be.

Jack: Bail conditions? Break it to me gently.

Diane: I’m under house arrest and get to wear this beautiful ankle bracelet.

Jack: Kyle will be so thrilled. And Harrison has asked about you every day. I should warn you that Kyle panicked and told him you’d been on the moon. There are some stones in the garden you can probably pass off as lunar rocks.

Diane: I can’t wait to see his little face. Too bad Summer won’t be as happy as the rest of you.

Jack: To be honest, we’ve all stopped caring what that asshole thinks. Now, let’s talk about getting married immediately.

Diane: For fuck’s sake, Jack.

**********

Ashley: Aaarrgggghhh.

Tucker: ‘Sup?

Ashley: My dumb dick of a brother is trying to bust Diane out of jail.

Tucker: What the hell are we sitting here for? I’ve always wanted to drive a getaway car.

Ashley: There’s another bail hearing this afternoon.

Tucker: How dreadfully dull. If she gets out though, I could offer her coffee at breakfast.

Ashley: Oh please don’t even go there. What a nightmare scenario.

Tucker: Sorry. I don’t think I could stand having my hazelnut almond blend treated like swill again either.

Ashley: Any word on your top secret project?

Tucker: Today I pitched my plan to Devon. The Neil Winters International Jazz Festival and Briefcase Expo. He kind of swatted it down, but I got an invitation to the Neil tribute.

Ashley: I think it’s an excellent idea. Devon will probably come around.

Tucker: I may have also let slip that we’re living together. He will probably tell Abby. Hehehe. Devon, my son, is living with your daughter, Abby. We are a fun pair.

Ashley: Big mouth.

*********

Victoria: You obviously wanted to get caught.

Nate: No, I didn’t. This was supposed to be a serious business trip.

Victoria: You were pulling a condom out of your wallet before the word ‘etchings’ left my lips.

Nate: I know you Newmans don’t bother to sugarcoat it anymore, but I need to believe I’m a stand up guy with a dick that just blunders into situations.

Victoria: Of course. If you need time to process how our workmanlike but ultimately satisfying sexual encounter is an adequate trade in for your sense of morality, I can handle the meetings today.

Nate: Yeah. I need to process this until I figure out a way to make this Elena’s fault. I’ll keep my door unlocked and the champagne chilled.

Your posts are excellent. I was wondering if you compose your post right here or do you use another app like Notes to compose and edit before you post. I use Notes to try to edit spelling and grammar than copy and paste here. 

[Waldo13]

20 minutes ago, Js Nana said:

I found the scene between Daniel and Summer on today's episode sad because it revealed how sadly deficient Allison Lanier's acting ability is compared to that of a seasoned pro like Michael Graziadei.

This conversation also revealed how different Daniel is from Sommer❄️❄️❄️.  They have a different concept of what is moral turpitude. I’m wondering if that’s because Crispy raised Summer❄️❄️❄️ from birth and Crispy didn’t raise Daniel as a young child.  In fact, Daniel resented Crispy when he came to live with her because of her boyfriend, at the time, and later for interfering in his life.  Summer❄️❄️❄️ became more of a snowflake after the peanut cookie incident that took her to Switzerland to get treatment. 
also, the different fathers could have a lot to do with it. Banana Breath, the amazing father, should have done a lot more to protect Summer❄️❄️❄️ from Crispy; but Banana Breath is no bargain either. 

[Snaporaz]

3 hours ago, Chatty Cake said:

They could’ve given us the illusion that she had to spend a few hours tracking them down since LA is the size of you know, Los Angeles.

That must be the only restaurant in Los Angeles, because Jack and Phyllis ate there about a dozen times when Jack first met Allie and discovered not-dead Diane.  I'm a little surprised they didn't take advantage of a cross-over opportunity (and an existing set) and eat at Il Giardino, which is now owned by Deacon Sharpe.  

There's so much to love in NinjaPenguins' amazing recaps, but I think my favorite part is Summer's "asshole" epithet.   

 

[boes]

Finally Show gave Michael Graziadei something worthwhile of his talents.  His scenes with Dummer were all that and more.  This is what he's brought to the role of Daniel over the years and it's wonderful to see him get to show his stuff today.  Hopefully he can put Mommie Dearest on blast with even more intensity whenever she slithers out from whatever rock she's hiding under.

I'm glad Diane's out of prison and back at the Abbotts.  I'm looking forward to see how Ashley accessorizes  her outfits as her head explodes and I can't WAIT for "Coffee Time with Tucker and Diane".  Stayed tuned!

Hey Devon!  Yeah, you.  Maybe give your bio dad a break, especially when you're memorializing Neil.  Or did you forget the wonderful way you slept with Neil's wife behind his back and how he retaliated?  Turning Neil into a plaster saint doesn't make it so, or turn Devon into one. either.  Sometimes his self-righteousness and selective memory make my teeth ache.

Got a jazz song for that??   Come to think of it, there probably is one.

Edited May 5, 2023 by boes

[lgprimes]

Just watching todays show and can’t believe Elena just threw water at Side Part’s head and not the whole damn glass. Come on girl! 
 

I’ve been thinking, Elena is probably the closest character this show has right now to Adam’s sweet mother Hope. She would be a good stepmother. If Sally isn’t going to appreciate Adam, maybe Elena will catch his eye. They could be a good odd couple. Otherwise I have no idea who they could match her with and I fear she is not long for this show (although I did like her with Devon).

[NinjaPenguins]

2 hours ago, Waldo13 said:

Your posts are excellent. I was wondering if you compose your post right here or do you use another app like Notes to compose and edit before you post. I use Notes to try to edit spelling and grammar than copy and paste here. 

I just write them here. 
 

47 minutes ago, boes said:

Finally Show gave Michael Graziadei something worthwhile of his talents.  His scenes with Dummer were all that and more

You could definitely feel the hostility and disgust leaping off the screen. I don’t think Allison Lanier is bad by any means, but her go-to expression of cheek puffing and pouting reminds me of a kid being told they can’t have candy in the check out aisle of the grocery store. It can sort of deflate the more serious moments.

Speaking of deflating things, I’m pretty sure I heard Nate’s sphincter slam shut when Elena told him that maybe this was what he was all along, the “this” being something unspeakable like dog shit soufflés served on a bed of Nick’s toe jam. Her contempt was real and spectacular.

[Kitty Redstone]

Thanks to y'all I felt safe to watch today. I've been reading your wonderful, funny and brilliant comments the last few weeks but have missed playing with you guys!

MG/Daniel was excellent. I so hope he does the right thing and heads straight to the police about his horrible mother. I also thought AL/Summer was pretty good at playing someone who feels torn by guilt (for telling mommy dearest that she was behaving like a psychopath prior to mommy faking her death), fear (over psycho mom going to jail for staging her own death and then killing Stark) and shame (over letting Diane rot in jail for something she didn't do and lying to her husband about it). I vastly prefer AL to what's-her-name with the duck lips so perhaps I'm giving her most credit than she deserves. But overall I think she's believable as the easily manipulated, going off the rails daughter of a narcissist. <shrug>

Also, regarding Nate, he deserved more than a splash of water to the face. However, I did like like how he read straight through Victoria's rationalizations. If he accepted what she was saying, then he was nothing more than a cruel coward. The truth hurts, Side Part.

I agree with both the praise and criticisms of Peter Bergman. He will always have a place in my heart, though, because I loved him as Cliff from AMC a million years ago.

[Js Nana]

Very much off topic, but I've got to ask - will anyone be able to keep a straight face when Charles and Camilla are crowned?

[Joimiaroxeu]

Quote

Funny that Hairison has asked about deeded everyday but has not said one g.d. word about missing his mother.

I know that's right.

It's so weird to me the way the show acts like Harrison doesn't have a biological mother. If they wanted to kill Tara off, all it would take is a line or two from Kyle or Chance. Say she was accidentally stabbed in a prison riot or whatever. Most of the plot developments are only told instead of shown now anyway. But hey, at least Summer has stopped referring to Harrison as her son every darned day. Mostly. 😡😡😡

Quote

Otherwise I have no idea who they could match her with and I fear she is not long for this show

Yeah, I'm fearing the same thing about Elena. I don't think Devon is an option for anyone but Abby at this point; Chance seems destined for Sharon or Summer; Adam is in love with Sally though technically he's single; Daniel will probably be kept with Lily; and, even if Nick sees the light and dumps Sally, Elena is likely a non-starter as far as he's concerned. For reasons.

Quote

Very much off topic, but I've got to ask - will anyone be able to keep a straight face when Charles and Camilla are crowned?

There's a whole thread elsewhere on PTV for that topic, which includes discussion of the royal tampon:

HM King Charles III & HM Queen Camilla

Edited May 5, 2023 by Joimiaroxeu

[Chatty Cake]

I hope Elena doesn’t go.  If JT comes back maybe they could develop a friendship and then something more. I used to like JT before they made him part of the murder club. 

[MsMalin]

8 hours ago, Kitty Redstone said:

I agree with both the praise and criticisms of Peter Bergman. He will always have a place in my heart, though, because I loved him as Cliff from AMC a million years ago.

I loved him too as Cliff. Cliff and Nina were a great love story as were Greg and Jenny. Y and R could learn from them how to write good teen storylines.

[NinjaPenguins]

I never watched the ABC soaps, so my only experience with PB is on Y&R. I’ve loved him as Jack since the moment he showed up. If I’d been able to have children, any boy was going to be named Jack Abbott Penguins. There have been years of the character being used as the show’s punching bag (same with Sharon), but PB gives it his all.

To relate all that glurge back to current episodes, I’m not a real fan of sentimental, lovestruck Jack and I absolutely cringe at some of the cornball, overly earnest dialogue coming out of his mouth.

You know, I don’t get Summer’s big worry about Phyllis going to prison. At least she’s alive and not Crispy, and apparently you can visit murderers behind bars daily whether they want you to or not. It’s honestly the best of both worlds, if Dumbass would just open her eyes. Her mother’s alive, Summer can visit her when Summer wants to, and best of all? Phyllis is contained and can’t physically crawl up her kids’ asses any time she needs attention. Live the dream, Summer!

[Runningwild]

16 hours ago, NinjaPenguins said:

Daniel: Let’s play another round of Is My Asshole Sister Crazy! Here’s Summer, my asshole sister.

Summer: Thanks for having me, Daniel. I’d like to repeat my whole spiel about Mom being alive after tailoring Jeremy’s velour shell with a pair of scissors. Ask the cops how he died. You’ll see.

Daniel: It… it was so quiet.

Summer: Mere mortals couldn’t survive such a villain, but our mom is something special.

Daniel: If by special you mean summoned by a ouija board, sure.

*********

Michael: Good morning! I’ve been doing some bad ass lawyering and the flex is on.

Diane: Oh lord.

Michael: Kyle’s pompadour has reached heights of smug never seen in follicular history.

Diane: I’m actually glad that Jack and Kyle ignored my repeated and persistent pleas to fuck all the way off. I mean, not really, but I guess I’m supposed to find their unwanted presence charming and loving.

Michael: We’re going to bust you out of here, sunshine.

**********

Jack: What the fuck? Billy is still making payments on the Jaboat? Sell that thing and get me the cash right away. I need bail money.

Ashley: What’s happening?

Jack: Eat dirt and die, trash. How dare you move that slime mold into my house at a time like this! He’s a scoundrel! A bounder. A lothario, even.

Ashley: At least he doesn’t spend his evenings reading a thesaurus.

**********

Tucker: How about some coffee?

Devon: Nah.

Tucker: No one wants my coffee. I offered some to Jack wearing my sauciest smile and you know what? Turned down flat. It was so good, Devon.

Devon: I just don’t feel right leaving work for a cup of coffee.

Tucker: Okay. How do you feel about a steaming mug of the Neil Winters International Jazz Festival and Briefcase Expo? I’mma announce it at the shindig tonight.

**********

Daniel: I’m pissed off. If rage was candy, I’d be motherfucking Willy Wonka.

Summer: I know. I saw your suffering and just had to tell you the truth. I’m such a good egg.

Daniel: You’re an asshole.

Summer: Jeremy Stark forced mom to do all this.

Daniel: Nobody forces mom to do anything. Next.

Summer: Okay, but what about her feeling like everyone was against her? Diane stole her life! She stole Jack!

Daniel: Makes Price is Right showcase loser noise: She could have had Jack anytime she wanted. He would have dropped everything and went running if Mom snapped her fingers. She had years to land Jack. She only wanted his ass because Diane had it.

Summer: Check this out. We abandoned our mother. We had the nerve to get mad at her just because she crossed every boundary we drew.

Daniel: You’re blaming us? Dad raised me right, so I’m only slapping you silly in my head. It’s so cathartic.

Summer: I don’t know what that means.

Daniel: It means I rue the day you were born.

*********

Ashley: You never asked anyone here how they felt about Diane moving in, so stick it up your self righteous tailpipe.

Jack: That’s different. I moved Kyle’s mother and Harrison’s grandmother into my house.

Ashley: Stop hogging the house, Jack. Dad would so ground you.

Jack: How in the hell are you going to explain Tucker to Harrison? You’ll taint that child’s innocence with your tawdry dalliance.

Ashley: How did you explain his father’s humping the pom pom off a winter hat? I’ll just explain that he’s Aunt Ashley’s friend.

Jack: What if he and Diane run into each other? Think about that.

Ashley: Bitch be in jail.

Jack: Not for long, sucker.

********

Victoria: This column here is showing so much growth, which really excites me. I never expected such big numbers.

Nate: Your analysis of my skills gives me great pleasure.

Victoria: My etchings… did you like them?

Nate: They were technically impeccable but rather emotionally cold.

Victoria: Oh you.

Nate: Look, Victoria, I need to say something. Can we ixnay on the ersonalpay stuff until we finish the business stuff?

Victoria: Of course. One orgasm can last me years. I’m a sexual camel.

*********

Devon: It’s a great idea. But I can’t decide on something so big a few hours before the party.

Tucker: You want that I should back off?

Devon: The party is really just for people who loved Neil to gather and listen to jazz. Not grandiose announcements to suck up to me.

Tucker: Well, I owe Neil a lot for raising you. You wouldn’t have that javelin up your ass without his influence.

Devon: That’s right. Look, I appreciate that you’re trying to connect with me.

Tucker: You know I sold McCall Unlimited to Satan. And I’m putting down roots here in Genoa City. Ashley asked me to move in.

Devon: No shit? Huh. Didn’t realize it was getting that serious.

Tucker: Well, it’s not really. She moved me in as a fuck you to Jack. I can roll with it though. You ever need to piss off Abby, I’m your guy.

Devon: Ashley and I are two totally different people. Just because she trusts you to annoy Jack doesn’t automatically mean I’m going to call on you when I need next level trolling.

Tucker: It’s not so much a javelin as it is the blade of a wind turbine, right?

Devon: I’d like to invite you to the party tonight. Maybe you can absorb some of Neil’s honorable vibes by osmosis.

Tucker: Thank you. I’m honored. Now this is going to be at the venue where Phyllis dropped dead, right?

Devon: Good times. Gooood times.

*********

Elena: Busted.

Victoria: Elena! Oh, how rude of me. The least I can do after spreading the sheets with Nate is buy you breakfast.

Elena: Shut the fuck up. This is between me and that fancy dog.

Victoria: I’ll just scurry off like I’m actually capable of embarrassment.

Nate: Gee, what brings you all the way here.

Elena: I go where I please. There’s those pissy, petulant faces again, like I did something wrong. My only mistake was allowing a bag of dicks to gaslight me.

Nate: I didn’t even know Victoria was going to show up! Let alone with a portfolio full of etchings.

Elena: Don’t insult my intelligence. Etchings? Did she show you her etchings?

Nate: God. Yes. I looked at Victoria’s etchings. I never intended -

Elena: Intentions aren’t magic. And neither is your wand.

********

Summer: I was so clever, posing Mom’s dilemma as a hypothetical.

Daniel: Clever? Didn’t we play it out and realize there are no good answers? Fucking Einstein level gambit there.

Summer: I tried to gather some intel from Chance, but he got suspicious when I asked to borrow Stark’s autopsy report.

Daniel: Can you explode from stifled rage?

Summer: Dad told me that you can explode and die if you hold your farts in, so he always lets ‘em out immediately. Anyway, Mom will for damn sure go to prison for the Diane stuff.

Daniel: She deserves to. And she did the exact opposite of what she should have done after she’d killed Stark in self defense.

Summer: She’ll go to jail forever! Oh noes! Maybe it’s better if she disappears. Maybe she can go to a nice farm upstate where there’s room to play and goats to pet. It will kill me, but she’ll be free.

Daniel: What even is this I can’t what the fuck how is this my life.

Summer: Let’s not bring up Mom telling me and not you about being alive. I’m sure she’d come up with some crazy reason, like your conscience.

Daniel: What about Diane, Summer? She’s in jail for a crime that she didn’t commit. Better yet, the crime never even existed. You’re willing to watch an innocent woman get tried and convicted for our mother’s imaginary homicide.

Summer: Her eyes turn completely black as a raspy, growling voice emerges from her cakehole. Diane is not so innocent, fool. We hates the Diane. Diane must be the sacrifice. Her blood belongs to the Prince of Lies!

Daniel: Do you even hear yourself right now? You sound exactly like Mom before her third exorcism. 

Summer: Diane just needs to rot long enough for us to get Mom out of her self created jam!

Daniel: You’re talking about your husband’s mother and your son’s grandmother. How the fuck do you look any Abbott in the eye knowing what you know? You know what, actually? Fuck this shit. I’m going to the police.

Summer: Nooooooooooo! I promised Mom I’d keep her secret. Allow me to manipulate you the same way she did me. I only told you, her firstborn man trap, because I thought you’d be someone who would protect her.

Daniel: Don’t write checks with your stupid pouty mouth that your ass can’t cash.

Summer: Please tell me you can be the person who destroys their own morality to protect our mother’s heinous selfishness!

Daniel: I don’t know! If I’m trapped in a plot-driven hellscape where the only imperative is to pump the tires of an absolute scumbag, it’s possible.

*********

Elena: I thought you’d changed, that you were making a real effort. Spur of the moment dates, love in the afternoon, little vacations… that was all guilt, wasn’t it?

Nate: I don’t really feel guilt. More like a mild discomfort from getting caught. Besides, this was a legit business trip, setting aside all the double entendres and complete lack of hesitation when asked to go upstairs. 

Elena: Your family said you’d become a different person after joining the business world. An ambitious, amoral creeper was how Lily put it. 

Nate: I’m still the same lovable scamp and charming rogue I’ve always been. Victoria thinks I’m great.

Elena: You know, maybe you’ve always been this. A… a faithless turd so breathtakingly arrogant he thinks he can rock a side part and fuck his CEO. You can’t. It’s over.

********

Michael: Special delivery!

Jack: Oh god. They denied bail again.

Diane: It’s me! Let’s hug forever!

Jack: Yay! It’s about to get schmoopy up in here.

Michael: Before you lose yourself in schmaltz, allow me to comment on how none of this would have been possible without Jack repeatedly and persistently annoying the ever loving shit out of me. ‘Make it happen’ he says, like I can magically pull a bail hearing out of my legal briefs. You’re lucky I’m essentially the Perry Mason of this dumbass town.

Diane: I’m so grateful.

Michael: There was a moment when I thought the judge was going to be swayed to the dark side, but a few added bail conditions and a large cashier’s check later, here we be.

Jack: Bail conditions? Break it to me gently.

Diane: I’m under house arrest and get to wear this beautiful ankle bracelet.

Jack: Kyle will be so thrilled. And Harrison has asked about you every day. I should warn you that Kyle panicked and told him you’d been on the moon. There are some stones in the garden you can probably pass off as lunar rocks.

Diane: I can’t wait to see his little face. Too bad Summer won’t be as happy as the rest of you.

Jack: To be honest, we’ve all stopped caring what that asshole thinks. Now, let’s talk about getting married immediately.

Diane: For fuck’s sake, Jack.

**********

Ashley: Aaarrgggghhh.

Tucker: ‘Sup?

Ashley: My dumb dick of a brother is trying to bust Diane out of jail.

Tucker: What the hell are we sitting here for? I’ve always wanted to drive a getaway car.

Ashley: There’s another bail hearing this afternoon.

Tucker: How dreadfully dull. If she gets out though, I could offer her coffee at breakfast.

Ashley: Oh please don’t even go there. What a nightmare scenario.

Tucker: Sorry. I don’t think I could stand having my hazelnut almond blend treated like swill again either.

Ashley: Any word on your top secret project?

Tucker: Today I pitched my plan to Devon. The Neil Winters International Jazz Festival and Briefcase Expo. He kind of swatted it down, but I got an invitation to the Neil tribute.

Ashley: I think it’s an excellent idea. Devon will probably come around.

Tucker: I may have also let slip that we’re living together. He will probably tell Abby. Hehehe. Devon, my son, is living with your daughter, Abby. We are a fun pair.

Ashley: Big mouth.

*********

Victoria: You obviously wanted to get caught.

Nate: No, I didn’t. This was supposed to be a serious business trip.

Victoria: You were pulling a condom out of your wallet before the word ‘etchings’ left my lips.

Nate: I know you Newmans don’t bother to sugarcoat it anymore, but I need to believe I’m a stand up guy with a dick that just blunders into situations.

Victoria: Of course. If you need time to process how our workmanlike but ultimately satisfying sexual encounter is an adequate trade in for your sense of morality, I can handle the meetings today.

Nate: Yeah. I need to process this until I figure out a way to make this Elena’s fault. I’ll keep my door unlocked and the champagne chilled.

I send these to my friend who doesn’t even watch Y&R. She says you should get an award. I agree. They’re hilarious and so much better than the show. 

Edited May 5, 2023 by Runningwild